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I heard some stuff on the radio the other day (I think it was Talksport, not some boring political radio station) about how the Conservative Party are becoming rather second rate, with no new good political talent coming through the ranks. Then I thought about how politics in general has becoming less popular over the years, with a distinct loss of character and no good political personalities. It’s basically boring.
Voting numbers are down every election, and many people have just lost faith in politicians and all their forgotten promises, so I thought of a way to make politics more popular with the 8-80 year age bracket...Combine the razzmatazz and high flying sweaty world of “Sports Entertainment” with politics and you get...THE WESTMINSTER WRESTLING FEDERATION ™ ® ©!!
Politics has taken a lot of flack over the years for not appealing to a younger audience, so why not add a bit of excitement to it all? The most high profile and famous politicians have been given new wrestling personas, and the government has installed a wrestling ring into The House of Commons in Westminster.
Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Mr. T, “Wolf” from Gladiators and Jesse Ventura (himself a wannabe politician) have been employed to give MPs lessons in wrestling and bodybuilding, and they’ve even hired The Rock to give “trash talkin’ lessons”.
Well-known political analyst and awkward question maestro Jeremy Paxman has been hired to be a commentator and host, with Jerry Springer, Roger Moore & Jeremy Spake acting as guest referees. The BBC has even bought the rights to some of the events (but the PPVs (pay per views) remain on Sky).
A shed load of old grannies and granddads have also been let in to watch the battles, bringing back the good old memories of British wrestling on Saturday afternoon TV.
Just imagine it, John Prescott all greased up in a pair of tight pants (and perhaps a little mask and a small cape) yelling profanities at a greased up leotard wearing Ann Widdecombe (*shudder & barf*), with old grannies waving their handbags and shouting for blood. Who wouldn’t want to see that I ask you?
Instead of Prime Ministers question time we now have “Wednesday Afternoon Prime Ministers Smackdown!!”
Here are some of the main highlights of that first Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © event:
The Commons is packed to the rafters this afternoon with rowdy MPs in the political arena shouting and jeering. The atmosphere is electric and we are in for a real treat. The strobe lighting is on and the fireworks begin. The WWF has begun!
Jeremy Paxman comes out wearing a glittering sequined suit, welcomes everyone to the first WWF event and then introduces the action.
The matches then begin.
First up is “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, a.k.a “The Loyal Poodle” wearing a stars and stripes decorated leotard to show his allegiance to George W Bush. He strides out to the ring accompanied by a flashy video intro and Hulk Hogan’s old theme tune “I am a real American”. His well-dressed pose follows him out, and it looks like he has a new fox hunting policy in his hand!
“IDS” Iain Duncan Smith (he’s so boring he can’t think of a more imaginative wrestling persona) then comes out to test Blair with some difficult questions and is ready to challenge the Prime Minister.
Duncan Smith says: “Mr. Blair, is the current war on terrorism justified? What are you going to do about Iraq? And what are you going to do about the discontent amongst the British population concerning the issue of asylum seekers?”
Blair grabs the microphone from Paxman and says: “I’ll tell you something “IDS”, you can stick your difficult questions up your candy ass!”
Duncan Smith says: But what about the manifesto?
Blair says: “It doesn’t matter what your manifesto says!”
The fight then begins with a series of rude taunts, gestures and a flurry of light slaps from each wrestler.
BUT, halfway through the intense battle, the big screen shows a video: outside Number 10 Downing Street, the Prime Ministers limousine is being crushed by a giant monster truck driven by a vengeful “Stone Cold” William Hague!!
Hague laughs as he gets his revenge for his humiliating election defeat by destroying Blair’s favourite automobile!
Hague says: “Ha Ha Ha, “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, I challenge you to a “Political Coffin Match” match at the next PPV!”
Blair says: I’ll tell you something “Stone Cold” William Hague, know your political role, and shut your mouth!! The “Nature Boy” doesn’t accept challenges from washed up weiners like you who claims to drink 50 pints of beer a day and wear baseball caps to impress people!”
A humiliated Hague then drives off vowing to return…
“IDS” then hits Blair from behind with the “Millennium Dome debacle drop kick”, but Blair counters it with “Single European Currency Sleeper Hold”.
“IDS” is flat out on the canvas. “Nature Boy” climbs to the top turnbuckle. He does his special signature move the “Education Education Education belly flop”.
Referee Roger Moore makes the count, 1, 2, 3...the match is over!! “Nature Boy” Tony Blair wins the battle!
Blair: “That’ll teach you for trash talkin’ my policies!”
We’re now backstage watching the “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott, who’s preparing himself for his potentially epic “TLCB” (tables, ladders, chairs and beer) match against “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke.
A keg of beer has been positioned on wires 15 feet above the ring, and the two boozy bulkmeisters must battle it out to grab their favourite tipple.
Hopefully we’ll see Prescott’s “Egg Reversal Jab” special move, used to such good effect on TV against that filthy mulleted ruffian who threw that egg some time back.
Then all of a sudden, “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke storms into the backstage area and starts bashing Prescott with a metal briefcase!
The pair scrap, tussle and roll around on the ground, eventually the fight reaches the ringside area. Clarke then picks up Prescott and smashes him onto the announcer’s table, scattering papers and busting the TV monitor. Jeremy Paxman goes nuts, and referee Jerry Springer is knocked out in the melee by a piece of flying monitor!
Clarke climbs into the ring and attempts to set up the tables, ladders and chairs so he can reach the beer and win.
BUT, all of a sudden, some music starts.
Music: “I’m the TAXMAN...der der, yea I’m the TAXMAN!”
It’s Gordon “The Chancellor” Brown!! He storms out to the ring and beats Clarke with the “Old Red Budget Briefcase” attack!
Prescott wakes up slightly dazed and confused, but he manages to stagger into the ring and climb the ladder. He grabs the keg of beer. The match is over! “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott wins the TLCB battle!!
He climbs the turnbuckle, breaks open the keg and drinks to his success.
Next up is the hotly anticipated giant “Hardcore Cage Match” battle featuring a big line up of superstars:
On day release, its “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer, who lies, cheats and swindles for success, and who’s learnt lots of low-down dirty fighting techniques whilst he was in the slammer.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook, complete with thick ginger chest-wig, and who walks gingerly and fights gingerly.
“Macho Man” Alistair Darling with his hair of white and eyebrows of darkness.
“Daredevil” David Blunkett, with his crazy Cannabis policies and his canine assistant.
“The Demon Headmaster” Jack Straw.
“Greaseball” Michael Portillo.
Mayor “Red” Ken Livingstone, a.k.a “The Big Red Machine” with his GLA posse.
Peter Mandleson.
And last but not least, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe with her “Frankensteiner” special move.
Referee Jeremy Spake brings in a trolley full of weapons, making sure he doesn’t break a nail, and the giant cage is then lowered over the ring.
The weapons in the battle include: those easily crushable aluminium dustbins, antique pews (which break easily for added effect when you hit people with them), old Wembley Stadium seats, chunks of Millennium Dome roof cladding, the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, briefcases, manifesto portfolios and more.
The match then begins.
It’s chaos from the start as all the wrestling politicians grab the weapons, with scraps of pin-stripe suit flying everywhere.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook is smashed to pieces by the antique pew carrying “Macho Man” Alistair Darling, “Daredevil” David Blunkett’s loyal guide dog bites off Peter Mandleson’s face, and Ken “The Big Red Machine” Livingstone is knocked out by a posse of Labour Party members.
Some two minutes later, there’s only two competitors left; it’s Widdecombe versus Archer for the title!
The opponents size each other up and move cautiously around the ring. But then all of a sudden, Archer pulls out a concealed flick-knife from his shoe! That dirty rotter!
“Hideous” Ann Widdecombe grabs the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, whacks “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer around the head with it and grunts, “this is hardcore baby!”
From a brutal and bloody battle, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe emerges as the winner!
That’s it for this event, the crowds go home happy having seen many politicians beaten black & blue.
There’s also a good response from people watching the event at home, many having voted it their fifth favourite programme of the week, following behind well-loved shows such as the indoor bowls and “TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 7”.
As it was deemed such a success, the government decided to hold some more events in the future.
Coming soon: The upcoming PPV event: “Election Day” featuring the main event triple threat showdown between “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, “IDS” Iain Duncan Smith and “Fence Sitter” Charles Kennedy, to see who wins the “Prime Minister Belt”.
Plus, The Dimbleby brothers versus The Snow brothers in the tag-team battle of the political pundits
The battle of the ex-Conservative Prime Ministers, pitting “Mad” Maggie Thatcher with her “handbag slam” attack, against John “Interesting” Major.
And we also have the Royal Rumble, featuring actual members of the royal family, and some members of the shadowy “House of Lords”. Who will be the last royal left in the ring to be then proclaimed the champ? Grudges will be settled in that wrestling ring, that’s for sure.
*Note*: Whether or not the Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © will be allowed to keep the initials “WWF” remains to be seen. We will know soon, after the “Who will keep the WWF initials grudge match” match between John Prescott and a giant Chinese Panda Bear named “Ming Mong”.
Thank you for reading, and goodnight :)
Voting numbers are down every election, and many people have just lost faith in politicians and all their forgotten promises, so I thought of a way to make politics more popular with the 8-80 year age bracket...Combine the razzmatazz and high flying sweaty world of “Sports Entertainment” with politics and you get...THE WESTMINSTER WRESTLING FEDERATION ™ ® ©!!
Politics has taken a lot of flack over the years for not appealing to a younger audience, so why not add a bit of excitement to it all? The most high profile and famous politicians have been given new wrestling personas, and the government has installed a wrestling ring into The House of Commons in Westminster.
Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Mr. T, “Wolf” from Gladiators and Jesse Ventura (himself a wannabe politician) have been employed to give MPs lessons in wrestling and bodybuilding, and they’ve even hired The Rock to give “trash talkin’ lessons”.
Well-known political analyst and awkward question maestro Jeremy Paxman has been hired to be a commentator and host, with Jerry Springer, Roger Moore & Jeremy Spake acting as guest referees. The BBC has even bought the rights to some of the events (but the PPVs (pay per views) remain on Sky).
A shed load of old grannies and granddads have also been let in to watch the battles, bringing back the good old memories of British wrestling on Saturday afternoon TV.
Just imagine it, John Prescott all greased up in a pair of tight pants (and perhaps a little mask and a small cape) yelling profanities at a greased up leotard wearing Ann Widdecombe (*shudder & barf*), with old grannies waving their handbags and shouting for blood. Who wouldn’t want to see that I ask you?
Instead of Prime Ministers question time we now have “Wednesday Afternoon Prime Ministers Smackdown!!”
Here are some of the main highlights of that first Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © event:
The Commons is packed to the rafters this afternoon with rowdy MPs in the political arena shouting and jeering. The atmosphere is electric and we are in for a real treat. The strobe lighting is on and the fireworks begin. The WWF has begun!
Jeremy Paxman comes out wearing a glittering sequined suit, welcomes everyone to the first WWF event and then introduces the action.
The matches then begin.
First up is “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, a.k.a “The Loyal Poodle” wearing a stars and stripes decorated leotard to show his allegiance to George W Bush. He strides out to the ring accompanied by a flashy video intro and Hulk Hogan’s old theme tune “I am a real American”. His well-dressed pose follows him out, and it looks like he has a new fox hunting policy in his hand!
“IDS” Iain Duncan Smith (he’s so boring he can’t think of a more imaginative wrestling persona) then comes out to test Blair with some difficult questions and is ready to challenge the Prime Minister.
Duncan Smith says: “Mr. Blair, is the current war on terrorism justified? What are you going to do about Iraq? And what are you going to do about the discontent amongst the British population concerning the issue of asylum seekers?”
Blair grabs the microphone from Paxman and says: “I’ll tell you something “IDS”, you can stick your difficult questions up your candy ass!”
Duncan Smith says: But what about the manifesto?
Blair says: “It doesn’t matter what your manifesto says!”
The fight then begins with a series of rude taunts, gestures and a flurry of light slaps from each wrestler.
BUT, halfway through the intense battle, the big screen shows a video: outside Number 10 Downing Street, the Prime Ministers limousine is being crushed by a giant monster truck driven by a vengeful “Stone Cold” William Hague!!
Hague laughs as he gets his revenge for his humiliating election defeat by destroying Blair’s favourite automobile!
Hague says: “Ha Ha Ha, “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, I challenge you to a “Political Coffin Match” match at the next PPV!”
Blair says: I’ll tell you something “Stone Cold” William Hague, know your political role, and shut your mouth!! The “Nature Boy” doesn’t accept challenges from washed up weiners like you who claims to drink 50 pints of beer a day and wear baseball caps to impress people!”
A humiliated Hague then drives off vowing to return…
“IDS” then hits Blair from behind with the “Millennium Dome debacle drop kick”, but Blair counters it with “Single European Currency Sleeper Hold”.
“IDS” is flat out on the canvas. “Nature Boy” climbs to the top turnbuckle. He does his special signature move the “Education Education Education belly flop”.
Referee Roger Moore makes the count, 1, 2, 3...the match is over!! “Nature Boy” Tony Blair wins the battle!
Blair: “That’ll teach you for trash talkin’ my policies!”
We’re now backstage watching the “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott, who’s preparing himself for his potentially epic “TLCB” (tables, ladders, chairs and beer) match against “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke.
A keg of beer has been positioned on wires 15 feet above the ring, and the two boozy bulkmeisters must battle it out to grab their favourite tipple.
Hopefully we’ll see Prescott’s “Egg Reversal Jab” special move, used to such good effect on TV against that filthy mulleted ruffian who threw that egg some time back.
Then all of a sudden, “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke storms into the backstage area and starts bashing Prescott with a metal briefcase!
The pair scrap, tussle and roll around on the ground, eventually the fight reaches the ringside area. Clarke then picks up Prescott and smashes him onto the announcer’s table, scattering papers and busting the TV monitor. Jeremy Paxman goes nuts, and referee Jerry Springer is knocked out in the melee by a piece of flying monitor!
Clarke climbs into the ring and attempts to set up the tables, ladders and chairs so he can reach the beer and win.
BUT, all of a sudden, some music starts.
Music: “I’m the TAXMAN...der der, yea I’m the TAXMAN!”
It’s Gordon “The Chancellor” Brown!! He storms out to the ring and beats Clarke with the “Old Red Budget Briefcase” attack!
Prescott wakes up slightly dazed and confused, but he manages to stagger into the ring and climb the ladder. He grabs the keg of beer. The match is over! “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott wins the TLCB battle!!
He climbs the turnbuckle, breaks open the keg and drinks to his success.
Next up is the hotly anticipated giant “Hardcore Cage Match” battle featuring a big line up of superstars:
On day release, its “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer, who lies, cheats and swindles for success, and who’s learnt lots of low-down dirty fighting techniques whilst he was in the slammer.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook, complete with thick ginger chest-wig, and who walks gingerly and fights gingerly.
“Macho Man” Alistair Darling with his hair of white and eyebrows of darkness.
“Daredevil” David Blunkett, with his crazy Cannabis policies and his canine assistant.
“The Demon Headmaster” Jack Straw.
“Greaseball” Michael Portillo.
Mayor “Red” Ken Livingstone, a.k.a “The Big Red Machine” with his GLA posse.
Peter Mandleson.
And last but not least, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe with her “Frankensteiner” special move.
Referee Jeremy Spake brings in a trolley full of weapons, making sure he doesn’t break a nail, and the giant cage is then lowered over the ring.
The weapons in the battle include: those easily crushable aluminium dustbins, antique pews (which break easily for added effect when you hit people with them), old Wembley Stadium seats, chunks of Millennium Dome roof cladding, the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, briefcases, manifesto portfolios and more.
The match then begins.
It’s chaos from the start as all the wrestling politicians grab the weapons, with scraps of pin-stripe suit flying everywhere.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook is smashed to pieces by the antique pew carrying “Macho Man” Alistair Darling, “Daredevil” David Blunkett’s loyal guide dog bites off Peter Mandleson’s face, and Ken “The Big Red Machine” Livingstone is knocked out by a posse of Labour Party members.
Some two minutes later, there’s only two competitors left; it’s Widdecombe versus Archer for the title!
The opponents size each other up and move cautiously around the ring. But then all of a sudden, Archer pulls out a concealed flick-knife from his shoe! That dirty rotter!
“Hideous” Ann Widdecombe grabs the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, whacks “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer around the head with it and grunts, “this is hardcore baby!”
From a brutal and bloody battle, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe emerges as the winner!
That’s it for this event, the crowds go home happy having seen many politicians beaten black & blue.
There’s also a good response from people watching the event at home, many having voted it their fifth favourite programme of the week, following behind well-loved shows such as the indoor bowls and “TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 7”.
As it was deemed such a success, the government decided to hold some more events in the future.
Coming soon: The upcoming PPV event: “Election Day” featuring the main event triple threat showdown between “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, “IDS” Iain Duncan Smith and “Fence Sitter” Charles Kennedy, to see who wins the “Prime Minister Belt”.
Plus, The Dimbleby brothers versus The Snow brothers in the tag-team battle of the political pundits
The battle of the ex-Conservative Prime Ministers, pitting “Mad” Maggie Thatcher with her “handbag slam” attack, against John “Interesting” Major.
And we also have the Royal Rumble, featuring actual members of the royal family, and some members of the shadowy “House of Lords”. Who will be the last royal left in the ring to be then proclaimed the champ? Grudges will be settled in that wrestling ring, that’s for sure.
*Note*: Whether or not the Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © will be allowed to keep the initials “WWF” remains to be seen. We will know soon, after the “Who will keep the WWF initials grudge match” match between John Prescott and a giant Chinese Panda Bear named “Ming Mong”.
Thank you for reading, and goodnight :)
great idea, well done. i think prince charles will win the royal rumble, he will wag his ears and every1 will just fly over the top rope. the y will win the legal battle against wwf, they ARE the law
Wel dun neway :o)
Wel dun neway :o)
Heh great post there.
well won :)
well won :)
Well done Totoro, did'nt read all of it, but the bits i did read were excellent.
:-)
:-)
Brilliant stuff as always.
:D
:D
Thanks for the win SR :)
Hopefully it'll get read by some more people. I just read it again and was surprised at how funny it is.
Hopefully it'll get read by some more people. I just read it again and was surprised at how funny it is.
Hmmmm.
It would have attracted more attention in FOG chat.
And if it had EDDIE GUERRERO in it.
Then it would rule.
It would have attracted more attention in FOG chat.
And if it had EDDIE GUERRERO in it.
Then it would rule.
Only 1 reply :(
Lots of blood, sweat and tears went in to this for 1 reply.
It's strange how lots of rubbish spam gets way too attention, whereas good and original stuff like this gets ignored by the majority.
Lots of blood, sweat and tears went in to this for 1 reply.
It's strange how lots of rubbish spam gets way too attention, whereas good and original stuff like this gets ignored by the majority.
Heh. Great stuff.
If this doesn't win a gad, there's something wrong with the world.
Ginger ninja... :^D
If this doesn't win a gad, there's something wrong with the world.
Ginger ninja... :^D
I heard some stuff on the radio the other day (I think it was Talksport, not some boring political radio station) about how the Conservative Party are becoming rather second rate, with no new good political talent coming through the ranks. Then I thought about how politics in general has becoming less popular over the years, with a distinct loss of character and no good political personalities. It’s basically boring.
Voting numbers are down every election, and many people have just lost faith in politicians and all their forgotten promises, so I thought of a way to make politics more popular with the 8-80 year age bracket...Combine the razzmatazz and high flying sweaty world of “Sports Entertainment” with politics and you get...THE WESTMINSTER WRESTLING FEDERATION ™ ® ©!!
Politics has taken a lot of flack over the years for not appealing to a younger audience, so why not add a bit of excitement to it all? The most high profile and famous politicians have been given new wrestling personas, and the government has installed a wrestling ring into The House of Commons in Westminster.
Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Mr. T, “Wolf” from Gladiators and Jesse Ventura (himself a wannabe politician) have been employed to give MPs lessons in wrestling and bodybuilding, and they’ve even hired The Rock to give “trash talkin’ lessons”.
Well-known political analyst and awkward question maestro Jeremy Paxman has been hired to be a commentator and host, with Jerry Springer, Roger Moore & Jeremy Spake acting as guest referees. The BBC has even bought the rights to some of the events (but the PPVs (pay per views) remain on Sky).
A shed load of old grannies and granddads have also been let in to watch the battles, bringing back the good old memories of British wrestling on Saturday afternoon TV.
Just imagine it, John Prescott all greased up in a pair of tight pants (and perhaps a little mask and a small cape) yelling profanities at a greased up leotard wearing Ann Widdecombe (*shudder & barf*), with old grannies waving their handbags and shouting for blood. Who wouldn’t want to see that I ask you?
Instead of Prime Ministers question time we now have “Wednesday Afternoon Prime Ministers Smackdown!!”
Here are some of the main highlights of that first Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © event:
The Commons is packed to the rafters this afternoon with rowdy MPs in the political arena shouting and jeering. The atmosphere is electric and we are in for a real treat. The strobe lighting is on and the fireworks begin. The WWF has begun!
Jeremy Paxman comes out wearing a glittering sequined suit, welcomes everyone to the first WWF event and then introduces the action.
The matches then begin.
First up is “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, a.k.a “The Loyal Poodle” wearing a stars and stripes decorated leotard to show his allegiance to George W Bush. He strides out to the ring accompanied by a flashy video intro and Hulk Hogan’s old theme tune “I am a real American”. His well-dressed pose follows him out, and it looks like he has a new fox hunting policy in his hand!
“IDS” Iain Duncan Smith (he’s so boring he can’t think of a more imaginative wrestling persona) then comes out to test Blair with some difficult questions and is ready to challenge the Prime Minister.
Duncan Smith says: “Mr. Blair, is the current war on terrorism justified? What are you going to do about Iraq? And what are you going to do about the discontent amongst the British population concerning the issue of asylum seekers?”
Blair grabs the microphone from Paxman and says: “I’ll tell you something “IDS”, you can stick your difficult questions up your candy ass!”
Duncan Smith says: But what about the manifesto?
Blair says: “It doesn’t matter what your manifesto says!”
The fight then begins with a series of rude taunts, gestures and a flurry of light slaps from each wrestler.
BUT, halfway through the intense battle, the big screen shows a video: outside Number 10 Downing Street, the Prime Ministers limousine is being crushed by a giant monster truck driven by a vengeful “Stone Cold” William Hague!!
Hague laughs as he gets his revenge for his humiliating election defeat by destroying Blair’s favourite automobile!
Hague says: “Ha Ha Ha, “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, I challenge you to a “Political Coffin Match” match at the next PPV!”
Blair says: I’ll tell you something “Stone Cold” William Hague, know your political role, and shut your mouth!! The “Nature Boy” doesn’t accept challenges from washed up weiners like you who claims to drink 50 pints of beer a day and wear baseball caps to impress people!”
A humiliated Hague then drives off vowing to return…
“IDS” then hits Blair from behind with the “Millennium Dome debacle drop kick”, but Blair counters it with “Single European Currency Sleeper Hold”.
“IDS” is flat out on the canvas. “Nature Boy” climbs to the top turnbuckle. He does his special signature move the “Education Education Education belly flop”.
Referee Roger Moore makes the count, 1, 2, 3...the match is over!! “Nature Boy” Tony Blair wins the battle!
Blair: “That’ll teach you for trash talkin’ my policies!”
We’re now backstage watching the “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott, who’s preparing himself for his potentially epic “TLCB” (tables, ladders, chairs and beer) match against “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke.
A keg of beer has been positioned on wires 15 feet above the ring, and the two boozy bulkmeisters must battle it out to grab their favourite tipple.
Hopefully we’ll see Prescott’s “Egg Reversal Jab” special move, used to such good effect on TV against that filthy mulleted ruffian who threw that egg some time back.
Then all of a sudden, “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke storms into the backstage area and starts bashing Prescott with a metal briefcase!
The pair scrap, tussle and roll around on the ground, eventually the fight reaches the ringside area. Clarke then picks up Prescott and smashes him onto the announcer’s table, scattering papers and busting the TV monitor. Jeremy Paxman goes nuts, and referee Jerry Springer is knocked out in the melee by a piece of flying monitor!
Clarke climbs into the ring and attempts to set up the tables, ladders and chairs so he can reach the beer and win.
BUT, all of a sudden, some music starts.
Music: “I’m the TAXMAN...der der, yea I’m the TAXMAN!”
It’s Gordon “The Chancellor” Brown!! He storms out to the ring and beats Clarke with the “Old Red Budget Briefcase” attack!
Prescott wakes up slightly dazed and confused, but he manages to stagger into the ring and climb the ladder. He grabs the keg of beer. The match is over! “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott wins the TLCB battle!!
He climbs the turnbuckle, breaks open the keg and drinks to his success.
Next up is the hotly anticipated giant “Hardcore Cage Match” battle featuring a big line up of superstars:
On day release, its “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer, who lies, cheats and swindles for success, and who’s learnt lots of low-down dirty fighting techniques whilst he was in the slammer.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook, complete with thick ginger chest-wig, and who walks gingerly and fights gingerly.
“Macho Man” Alistair Darling with his hair of white and eyebrows of darkness.
“Daredevil” David Blunkett, with his crazy Cannabis policies and his canine assistant.
“The Demon Headmaster” Jack Straw.
“Greaseball” Michael Portillo.
Mayor “Red” Ken Livingstone, a.k.a “The Big Red Machine” with his GLA posse.
Peter Mandleson.
And last but not least, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe with her “Frankensteiner” special move.
Referee Jeremy Spake brings in a trolley full of weapons, making sure he doesn’t break a nail, and the giant cage is then lowered over the ring.
The weapons in the battle include: those easily crushable aluminium dustbins, antique pews (which break easily for added effect when you hit people with them), old Wembley Stadium seats, chunks of Millennium Dome roof cladding, the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, briefcases, manifesto portfolios and more.
The match then begins.
It’s chaos from the start as all the wrestling politicians grab the weapons, with scraps of pin-stripe suit flying everywhere.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook is smashed to pieces by the antique pew carrying “Macho Man” Alistair Darling, “Daredevil” David Blunkett’s loyal guide dog bites off Peter Mandleson’s face, and Ken “The Big Red Machine” Livingstone is knocked out by a posse of Labour Party members.
Some two minutes later, there’s only two competitors left; it’s Widdecombe versus Archer for the title!
The opponents size each other up and move cautiously around the ring. But then all of a sudden, Archer pulls out a concealed flick-knife from his shoe! That dirty rotter!
“Hideous” Ann Widdecombe grabs the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, whacks “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer around the head with it and grunts, “this is hardcore baby!”
From a brutal and bloody battle, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe emerges as the winner!
That’s it for this event, the crowds go home happy having seen many politicians beaten black & blue.
There’s also a good response from people watching the event at home, many having voted it their fifth favourite programme of the week, following behind well-loved shows such as the indoor bowls and “TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 7”.
As it was deemed such a success, the government decided to hold some more events in the future.
Coming soon: The upcoming PPV event: “Election Day” featuring the main event triple threat showdown between “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, “IDS” Iain Duncan Smith and “Fence Sitter” Charles Kennedy, to see who wins the “Prime Minister Belt”.
Plus, The Dimbleby brothers versus The Snow brothers in the tag-team battle of the political pundits
The battle of the ex-Conservative Prime Ministers, pitting “Mad” Maggie Thatcher with her “handbag slam” attack, against John “Interesting” Major.
And we also have the Royal Rumble, featuring actual members of the royal family, and some members of the shadowy “House of Lords”. Who will be the last royal left in the ring to be then proclaimed the champ? Grudges will be settled in that wrestling ring, that’s for sure.
*Note*: Whether or not the Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © will be allowed to keep the initials “WWF” remains to be seen. We will know soon, after the “Who will keep the WWF initials grudge match” match between John Prescott and a giant Chinese Panda Bear named “Ming Mong”.
Thank you for reading, and goodnight :)
Voting numbers are down every election, and many people have just lost faith in politicians and all their forgotten promises, so I thought of a way to make politics more popular with the 8-80 year age bracket...Combine the razzmatazz and high flying sweaty world of “Sports Entertainment” with politics and you get...THE WESTMINSTER WRESTLING FEDERATION ™ ® ©!!
Politics has taken a lot of flack over the years for not appealing to a younger audience, so why not add a bit of excitement to it all? The most high profile and famous politicians have been given new wrestling personas, and the government has installed a wrestling ring into The House of Commons in Westminster.
Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Mr. T, “Wolf” from Gladiators and Jesse Ventura (himself a wannabe politician) have been employed to give MPs lessons in wrestling and bodybuilding, and they’ve even hired The Rock to give “trash talkin’ lessons”.
Well-known political analyst and awkward question maestro Jeremy Paxman has been hired to be a commentator and host, with Jerry Springer, Roger Moore & Jeremy Spake acting as guest referees. The BBC has even bought the rights to some of the events (but the PPVs (pay per views) remain on Sky).
A shed load of old grannies and granddads have also been let in to watch the battles, bringing back the good old memories of British wrestling on Saturday afternoon TV.
Just imagine it, John Prescott all greased up in a pair of tight pants (and perhaps a little mask and a small cape) yelling profanities at a greased up leotard wearing Ann Widdecombe (*shudder & barf*), with old grannies waving their handbags and shouting for blood. Who wouldn’t want to see that I ask you?
Instead of Prime Ministers question time we now have “Wednesday Afternoon Prime Ministers Smackdown!!”
Here are some of the main highlights of that first Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © event:
The Commons is packed to the rafters this afternoon with rowdy MPs in the political arena shouting and jeering. The atmosphere is electric and we are in for a real treat. The strobe lighting is on and the fireworks begin. The WWF has begun!
Jeremy Paxman comes out wearing a glittering sequined suit, welcomes everyone to the first WWF event and then introduces the action.
The matches then begin.
First up is “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, a.k.a “The Loyal Poodle” wearing a stars and stripes decorated leotard to show his allegiance to George W Bush. He strides out to the ring accompanied by a flashy video intro and Hulk Hogan’s old theme tune “I am a real American”. His well-dressed pose follows him out, and it looks like he has a new fox hunting policy in his hand!
“IDS” Iain Duncan Smith (he’s so boring he can’t think of a more imaginative wrestling persona) then comes out to test Blair with some difficult questions and is ready to challenge the Prime Minister.
Duncan Smith says: “Mr. Blair, is the current war on terrorism justified? What are you going to do about Iraq? And what are you going to do about the discontent amongst the British population concerning the issue of asylum seekers?”
Blair grabs the microphone from Paxman and says: “I’ll tell you something “IDS”, you can stick your difficult questions up your candy ass!”
Duncan Smith says: But what about the manifesto?
Blair says: “It doesn’t matter what your manifesto says!”
The fight then begins with a series of rude taunts, gestures and a flurry of light slaps from each wrestler.
BUT, halfway through the intense battle, the big screen shows a video: outside Number 10 Downing Street, the Prime Ministers limousine is being crushed by a giant monster truck driven by a vengeful “Stone Cold” William Hague!!
Hague laughs as he gets his revenge for his humiliating election defeat by destroying Blair’s favourite automobile!
Hague says: “Ha Ha Ha, “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, I challenge you to a “Political Coffin Match” match at the next PPV!”
Blair says: I’ll tell you something “Stone Cold” William Hague, know your political role, and shut your mouth!! The “Nature Boy” doesn’t accept challenges from washed up weiners like you who claims to drink 50 pints of beer a day and wear baseball caps to impress people!”
A humiliated Hague then drives off vowing to return…
“IDS” then hits Blair from behind with the “Millennium Dome debacle drop kick”, but Blair counters it with “Single European Currency Sleeper Hold”.
“IDS” is flat out on the canvas. “Nature Boy” climbs to the top turnbuckle. He does his special signature move the “Education Education Education belly flop”.
Referee Roger Moore makes the count, 1, 2, 3...the match is over!! “Nature Boy” Tony Blair wins the battle!
Blair: “That’ll teach you for trash talkin’ my policies!”
We’re now backstage watching the “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott, who’s preparing himself for his potentially epic “TLCB” (tables, ladders, chairs and beer) match against “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke.
A keg of beer has been positioned on wires 15 feet above the ring, and the two boozy bulkmeisters must battle it out to grab their favourite tipple.
Hopefully we’ll see Prescott’s “Egg Reversal Jab” special move, used to such good effect on TV against that filthy mulleted ruffian who threw that egg some time back.
Then all of a sudden, “Mr Scruff” Ken Clarke storms into the backstage area and starts bashing Prescott with a metal briefcase!
The pair scrap, tussle and roll around on the ground, eventually the fight reaches the ringside area. Clarke then picks up Prescott and smashes him onto the announcer’s table, scattering papers and busting the TV monitor. Jeremy Paxman goes nuts, and referee Jerry Springer is knocked out in the melee by a piece of flying monitor!
Clarke climbs into the ring and attempts to set up the tables, ladders and chairs so he can reach the beer and win.
BUT, all of a sudden, some music starts.
Music: “I’m the TAXMAN...der der, yea I’m the TAXMAN!”
It’s Gordon “The Chancellor” Brown!! He storms out to the ring and beats Clarke with the “Old Red Budget Briefcase” attack!
Prescott wakes up slightly dazed and confused, but he manages to stagger into the ring and climb the ladder. He grabs the keg of beer. The match is over! “The Incredible Bulk” John Prescott wins the TLCB battle!!
He climbs the turnbuckle, breaks open the keg and drinks to his success.
Next up is the hotly anticipated giant “Hardcore Cage Match” battle featuring a big line up of superstars:
On day release, its “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer, who lies, cheats and swindles for success, and who’s learnt lots of low-down dirty fighting techniques whilst he was in the slammer.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook, complete with thick ginger chest-wig, and who walks gingerly and fights gingerly.
“Macho Man” Alistair Darling with his hair of white and eyebrows of darkness.
“Daredevil” David Blunkett, with his crazy Cannabis policies and his canine assistant.
“The Demon Headmaster” Jack Straw.
“Greaseball” Michael Portillo.
Mayor “Red” Ken Livingstone, a.k.a “The Big Red Machine” with his GLA posse.
Peter Mandleson.
And last but not least, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe with her “Frankensteiner” special move.
Referee Jeremy Spake brings in a trolley full of weapons, making sure he doesn’t break a nail, and the giant cage is then lowered over the ring.
The weapons in the battle include: those easily crushable aluminium dustbins, antique pews (which break easily for added effect when you hit people with them), old Wembley Stadium seats, chunks of Millennium Dome roof cladding, the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, briefcases, manifesto portfolios and more.
The match then begins.
It’s chaos from the start as all the wrestling politicians grab the weapons, with scraps of pin-stripe suit flying everywhere.
“The Ginger Ninja” Robin Cook is smashed to pieces by the antique pew carrying “Macho Man” Alistair Darling, “Daredevil” David Blunkett’s loyal guide dog bites off Peter Mandleson’s face, and Ken “The Big Red Machine” Livingstone is knocked out by a posse of Labour Party members.
Some two minutes later, there’s only two competitors left; it’s Widdecombe versus Archer for the title!
The opponents size each other up and move cautiously around the ring. But then all of a sudden, Archer pulls out a concealed flick-knife from his shoe! That dirty rotter!
“Hideous” Ann Widdecombe grabs the sacred barbed wire covered parliamentary sceptre, whacks “Jailbird” Jeffrey Archer around the head with it and grunts, “this is hardcore baby!”
From a brutal and bloody battle, “Hideous” Ann Widdecombe emerges as the winner!
That’s it for this event, the crowds go home happy having seen many politicians beaten black & blue.
There’s also a good response from people watching the event at home, many having voted it their fifth favourite programme of the week, following behind well-loved shows such as the indoor bowls and “TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 7”.
As it was deemed such a success, the government decided to hold some more events in the future.
Coming soon: The upcoming PPV event: “Election Day” featuring the main event triple threat showdown between “Nature Boy” Tony Blair, “IDS” Iain Duncan Smith and “Fence Sitter” Charles Kennedy, to see who wins the “Prime Minister Belt”.
Plus, The Dimbleby brothers versus The Snow brothers in the tag-team battle of the political pundits
The battle of the ex-Conservative Prime Ministers, pitting “Mad” Maggie Thatcher with her “handbag slam” attack, against John “Interesting” Major.
And we also have the Royal Rumble, featuring actual members of the royal family, and some members of the shadowy “House of Lords”. Who will be the last royal left in the ring to be then proclaimed the champ? Grudges will be settled in that wrestling ring, that’s for sure.
*Note*: Whether or not the Westminster Wrestling Federation™ ® © will be allowed to keep the initials “WWF” remains to be seen. We will know soon, after the “Who will keep the WWF initials grudge match” match between John Prescott and a giant Chinese Panda Bear named “Ming Mong”.
Thank you for reading, and goodnight :)