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A story, a spoof, whatever. Just enjoy or loathe it :D
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“Welcome to Battle! The newest game show that will literally blow your mind! (DW's head explodes) I'm Fuzzy, and this show will test your wits, strength, skill and endurance. So without further ado, let's me the insaneeeeee teams!”
“Say hello (and probably goodbye) to Team Destruction! It's Mr Snuggly and loki!”
*Both wave to audience*
“Will the team leave up to their name? Or will the name apply to them? We'll soon find out! Next up, say hello to Team Fowl! It's Lil Hedgehog and Rosalind!”
*Both snarl at audience, audience boo's*
“The only girl team in the game today, but they can sure pack a punch, as illzen from the audience earlier found out…”
*Video screen with live message from illzen, in hospital*
“I only asked for a....(he's going into IRTU, we'll have to perform...)”
*Video cuts short*
(Team Fowl laugh inanely to themselves.)
“The 3rd team is Team Mage, dark folk, which is made up by best of friends, Dark Mark and Edgy!”
*Dark Mark shoots bolt of black lightening at audience member, Edgy tries to stop it, get's hurt also, whilst audience member is hit and wriggles in pain*
“That's a powerful shot! Our penultimate team is Team Desperado - and that's exactly what they are...desperate to win the prizes available to them tonight if they make it through the vicious fog of terrors. On the team are cookie monster and Quinty”
*c-m comes in rolling in a transparent sphere. Quinty bounds in with excitement and enthusiasm*
“Our final team tonight is Team Gill, supporters of one single console, and of themselves. They are Natbuc and Mandatare!”
*Both jump in screaming. Audience looks, with the occasional cough. All teams are silent*
*Ahem.*
“Well that’s the teams. How do we play? Here's how. The Battle! Arena is a pentagon. The five sides lead off into different areas, where you can win points (and subsequently, cash) for beating other teams and even other team members. 1 point is $10,000. Good luck! The two highest scoring teams left surviving will reach the middle of the pentagon for the Final Showdown. Let the games begin!”
(All the 5 teams lined up in front of area 1)
*WARNING! LIVE FIRE AREA* came out of the speakers as they all entered the area. From huge video screens the teams were watched. All the teams were then split by razor sharp edged panels that came out the ground. They were soundproof, so plans could be discussed. It seems that the event, which only the teams knew what it contained, involved fast moving lasers. Or something.
“Well now are teams are ready to go, we shall release the bots!!!”
Several mechanic creatures, each with a human controller and each equipped with lasers were released. Every team had weapons, so they were safe, that is, if the could use them...
“Let battle....COMMENCE”
Each creature had the same voice and these messages were repeated for every one.
SHIELDS........ON
WEAPONS........ON
LOCKONS........ON
............READY
All the panels were lowered and fell down back in the ground. The machines were spread round the room. A microsecond of silence, then...
*FIRE!*
*SHOOT!*
*LAUNCH ATTACK*
*GOOOOOO!*
The creatures bounded round the room. Dark Mark instantaneously ran to the corner of the arena and started chanting, ready to launch his attack at any second. Edgy used his weapons and took down B-543-A and -B with two single well placed shots, only aided by the fact -A and -B had no shield. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog both ran up opposite walls and took out rage on -E, by pounding it through the ground with an overhead attack. cookie monster rolled round the walls of the arena, with Quinty disabling -C's shields ready for cookie monster's attack. loki and Snuggly seemed to be completely static, but they were simply playing a waiting game. Natbuc and Mandatare were focusing energy on -D, who seemed to be doing nothing but watch fellow machines be destroyed. That was until all energy was focused, and -D went up in a huge ball of blue flame. cookie monster made it to -C, and Quinty had completely disabled its shield. Gone in 60 milliseconds! Snuggly suddenly started running, and took down both Edgy and Dark Mark with a beam of green energy. As all the creatures were down, it was a battle between the teams. loki seemed prepared for anything, that was, until Dark Mark unleashed his stored power and took him down. Snuggly was alone, and needed loki to keep himself in the event, so fell with dignity with him. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were finishing off -E when it used its final power and took them both out, finishing itself. The sirens could be heard.
*EVENT E-N-D-S!*
“The points after this game are as follows”
Biggest Attacker = Team Fowl = 10 points
Tactical Team = Team Desperado = 10 points
Honorability = Team Destruction = 10 points
“What an exciting event! Well 3 teams have got $100,000 each, and 3 have $---,---!!! But this can all change in area 2, where our teams are ready...”
“Area 2 involves a huge mechanical snake. With many parts it shall be hard to defeat, but the teams must work together. The team who destroys most parts wins most points, and 3 least scoring teams get no points. Who will win? Let's find out.”
*Snake=Unleashed*
*Teams=Ready*
A monstrosity of a machine came out. Even the amazing teams seemed scared
*GOOOOOO!*
All the teams immediately launched their default attacks. Edgy and Dark Mark suddenly disappeared, making them only the first team to be immediately out of action for that vent. Lil Hedgehog jumped of Rosalind's back and attacked and dismembered 5 areas of the snake, which wailed, and immediately got rid of Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog in seconds. cookie monster jumped on it's tail, which subsequently whipped upwards, lobbing c-m onto various sections of the snake, destroying them as he went. Quinty just, eh, looked enthusiastic. That was until he and c-m were both warped too. The snake wailed again. Natbuc and Mandatare both just raised their weapons and shot the remaining snake to pieces. They went too. The snake wailed and fell burning in a mauve flame to the ground. All the teams that disappeared suddenly reappeared, somewhat disorientated, but now free. The sirens were heard again.
*Event end*
The points awarded in event 2
Most hits = Team Mage = 20 points
Best technique = Team Desperado = 20 points
Tactical Op = Team Gill = 20 points
“Top Table?”
Team Desperado = 30 points = $300,000
Team Mage, Gill = 20 points = $200,000 each
Team Destruction, Fowl = 10 points = $100,000 each
“Time now for the deciding event in area 3. The two lowest scoring teams will leave. Get ready to enter”
*LABYRINTH READY....DIFFICULTY=HIGH*
All teams were located at different areas of the labyrinth. The centre contained a podium, space for 6 people, 3 teams. Stand on place 1 for 50 points. Stand on place 2 for 40 points. Stand on place 3 for 20 points. No points for any worse. Good luck, and avoid the traps!
*GOOOO!*
All 5 teams were released into the labyrinth. As Edgy and Dark Mark approached the first corner, a mob of screaming ghosts started chasing them. Running back as far as they could, they actually whacked back into their starting positions. The ghosts couldn’t get past the start block, but the team was stranded. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were both well on their way through the maze when they walked straight through a glowing, vertical puddle of some kind. They were whizzing round the labyrinth at amazing speed and they eventually both landed in the final section of the labyrinth, unfortunately completely disorientated and both in slow motion. cookie monster was rolling around excitedly, and Quinty was bounding about just as excitedly, when they hit into an invisible wall. But since it was invisible, they didn’t realise this. To make it worse, a gaping hole was in part of the wall opposite, but cheating was not allowed. Over minutes of pondering, just as they were going to give up after deciding not to cheat, they were rewarded for their honesty, and could walk through the invisible wall into the next area, to first place podium. The cheaters wall sealed up behind them. Snuggly and loki were making excellent progress too, until they reached the podiums, where 3 sharp-edges metal panels were jutting down faster and faster. They risked a run through them. As they ran, loki had his heel clipped on the final door. In a small amount of pain, both made it on to the second podium
*ONLY 1 SPACE LEFT* was announced
Natbuc and Mandatare were desperate for it. They ran continuously in a loop for a while, until realizing that it WAS a loop, then exited it, moving into the same area Snuggly and loki had been in. Without any problems, Natbuc stopped the panels from moving using Mandatare as a shield. Mandatare was shredded, Natbuc safe, but Team Gill came in and stood on the third podium. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were inches from the podium just taken, and cursed in slow-mo, which was rather amusing.
*LABYRINTH END – REMAINING TEAMS…LOCKDOWN*
The podium folk all got more points. 50 for Team Gill, 40 for Team Destruction and 20 for Team Desperado.
Edgy, Dark Mark, Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were all sealed in glass tubes, and transported back to the entrance hall.
“Wells its goodbye to you 2 teams! Final amounts and damage bonuses?”
*Team Mage …. $200,000 + Damage Bonus of $50,000*
(Edgy and Dark Mark were both happy at the amount)
*Team Fowl …. $100,000 + Damage Bonus of $100,000*
(Rosalind huffed, Little Hedgehog puffed, and both breathed out, like the anger management person said)
“Now go, we’ve got a game to play!!!”
(Both teams are ushered out the arena)
“Time for event 4! Take out as many of your competitors as you can. 1 member of each team is suspended over a deep pool of water full of sharks (with head mounted laser beams!!!) The other team member will be asked 2 questions. If the other member gets the question right, then he can choose to raise their team-mate from the pool, or lower an opponent closer to the pool. 2 lowerings and you go in. 2 raises and you’re safe. 25 points for a kill, 15 for a save. If you get the question wrong, you must choose whether to lower your team-mate, or to raise an opponent. If your team-mate goes down you get the points, but a very annoyed team-mate. If your opponent goes up because you lost the question, they get the raise points. Good Luck!!!”
“First question to Team Destruction…Do cat’s sweat?”
The team pondered…then said ‘yes’ as their answer
“CORRECT! Raise or lower?” Snuggly said he wanted to raise loki. loki was fairly happy in his little deep pooled cubicle as he was raised.
“Now your second question…How many times has Mystique been save by her charm. Or more correctly, her ‘charms’?”
loki laughed in his prison. Hybrid cowered in the audience. Snuggly answered.
“16,”
“Correct AGAIN! So what you going to do?” Snuggly chose to raise loki to temporary safety. loki celebrated again, yet almost fell into the pool somewhat voluntarily. Apparently the water was, eh, ‘shiny’.
“Now it’s Team Gill’s turn. Your first question is…What FF game is Bartz from?”
Natbuc instantaneously shouted “5” at Fuzzy
“Correct! So what you going to do? Lower of raise???”
“I’d like to lower Quinty. Anything to stop him acting like an obsessive Steps fan!”
Quinty was slowly lowered, with a huge grin on his face. No-one knows why though.
“Your second and final question. What other RPG’s exist except Final Fantasy?”
A dismayed face came across Natbuc. He had no idea of any other RPG’s
“Eh……Frogger?”
“WRONG! So what you going to do?” Natbuc decided to lower Mandatare. The fear on Mandatare’s face was oh-so apparent.
“The final questions to Team Desperado. cookie-monster, how many hours of dedication does it take to get Master Mode on Super Monkey?”
“How should I know?”
“Because you’ve done it?”
“Oh, yeah (sweating begins). Err…..100?”
“Wrong. It’s 101! Well is Quinty going down or loki/Mandatare going up?” cookie monster thought Quinty needed a bit of time out. So he was lowered, still with a huge grin, into a deep pool of sharks (with laser beams on their heads) Nasty noises, yet 25 points, followed.
“Final question. Name 3 characters from Super Monkey Ball. (psswss it’s easy psswss)”
“Eh….Dopey, Grumpy and…..Happy!”
“Wrong! So who goes up then?” The choice was made, and Mandatare was risen, safe again.
*END OF EVENT*
“After that somewhat ‘revealing’ event, we have new points!
*Team Destruction earned 15 points for *1* full raise*
*Team Desperado earned 25 points for *1* full drop*
*Team Gill earned 5 points for *1* semi-drop*
“And the top table?”
*Team Destruction now have 65 points = $650,000*
*Team Desperado now have 75 points = $750,000*
*Team Gill also now have 75 points = $750,000*
“So that means we have to lose Team Destruction!”
(loki and Snuggly are both incased in the glass tubes and brought to the front area)
“Here are your final prizes!”
*$650,000 + Damage Bonus ($50,000) + Survival Bonus ($100,000) = $800,000*
(Both look at each other, collapse, cry with joy, stand up, brush themselves down, and walk out. Giggling.)
“Ok….Well onto event 5. The shortest event, but also the final event before the showdown in the centre area. And now it’s ever man for themselves. Defend your base, whilst attacking your opponents. You have 50 shots. You have 10 units of life. Your base can survive 25 shots. Good Luck!”
(All 4 players get ready for combat in their areas)
*GOOO!*
All 4 players ran out. It seems Quinty was a bit too hyper, and was shot by every other player at least 5 times. His base also went down quickly, losing him 5 points. This continued, and he was out within minutes. cookie monster was rolling around, hitting others rather than being hit himself thankfully. He managed to also destroy Quinty’s base, giving him 10 points, and destroyed Natbuc (who had destroyed c-m’s base for 10 points) for 30 points. Mandatare managed to destroy Natbuc’s base, but he got too close, making cookie monster angry, so he destroyed Mandatare as well. Quinty in his madness destroyed Mandatare’s base for 10 points
*EVENT END*
“The scores for this event?”
Quinty = 10 points + (-5)
Natbuc = 10 points + (-5)
Mandatare = 10 points + (-5)
cookie monster = 60 points!!! + (-5)
“And the final scores before the central event?”
*Team Desperado = 75 points + 55 points + 5 points = 135 points = $1,350,000
*Team Gill = 75 points + 5 points + 5 points = 85 points = $850,000*
“It’s now time for the lowest scoring team to leave – That’s Team Gill!”
(The glass tubes come up and take the losers again, and they return to the front area”
“After all the pain you suffered, final cash for you is…”
*$850,000 + Damage Bonus ($100,000) + Survival Bonus ($200,000) = $1,150,000*
(Natbuc fainted. Mandatare also wanted to faint. But couldn’t. So he didn’t. In Natbuc’s time of weakness, he took all the money for himself. Just for a laugh)
“It’s up to them about the money divide! Anywho, onto the final event in the central area. It’s one on one for a lot of points and lots of cash! Quinty and cookie monster – here’s how it works. Battle each other to the end. Oh no, but there is a twist! Yes, a twist! Yup, a humongous twist! You’ll never have guessed the massive twi….Damn, there’s no twist. Just kick and punch and do girly screa….I mean….eh….FIGHT!”
(The audience are silent. Then they scream and applaud, just as the screen tells them to…)
Quinty smiled. Cookie monster, however, took the initiative, and kicked him where it really hurts
“Oww! My ear!”
Cookie monster continued the pounding, Quinty was being pushed and pulled, dropped and kicked, and slowly his smile faded. c-m continued to almost break his back, that was until Quinty suddenly looked very, VERY scary
“Mmm…..death”
Cookie monster look terrified. The audience looked in part terror and part anticipation. Fuzzy looked the other way at the blonde just entering the arena. And then
WHAM!
Cookie monster was launched all the way across the arena. And he didn’t move. At all.
“Quinty is the winner, and wins a bonus $500,000 onto his share of the prize!”
Now Quinty was smiling more than ever. Cookie monster was stunned, partly by Qunity, partly by his prize.
“Quinty … Cookie monster! You have together won $1,135,000 from events (various cheers came from the audience), plus a huge $250,000 damage bonus (more cheers and a few jeers from the audience) and a survival bonus of $500,000!”
At this point the audience made the loudest recorded sound known to man.
“Plus Quinty, you’ve won a bonus of $500,000 for the final round!!!!”
Quinty continually smiled.
“How do you feel, eh, cookie monster, and what will you spend your winnings on?”
“Sore, and a hitman”
“Okayy, and you, Quinty?”
“Smiley, smiles, hehe, glitter”
“Well let’s say goodbye to our winners, cookie monster and Quinty!”
(Audience cheer as they leave the arena)
“Well thanks for watching Battle! The roughest, toughest (not official) gameshow on TV! Please join us next week in Celebrity Battle!, where Anthea Turner takes on the events alone. YAY!”
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Credits
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Mr Snuggly (as himself)
loki (as himself)
cookie monster (as himself)
Quinty (as himself)
Rosalind (as herself)
Little Hedgehog (as herself)
Natbuc (as himself)
Mandatare (as himself)
Edgy (as himself)
Dark Mark (as himself)
DW (as audience member)
illzen (as unlucky audience member)
Fuzzy (as presenter)
Please note all of this is completely fictional. Any users mentioned are in no way like they are represented in here as they are in reality. The story is fictional, and the very vague idea of this was reminiscing about Smash TV on Megadrive. No actual content from the game is used (to the best of my knowledge)
© Paul Holmes a.k.a Fuzzy 2002
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“Welcome to Battle! The newest game show that will literally blow your mind! (DW's head explodes) I'm Fuzzy, and this show will test your wits, strength, skill and endurance. So without further ado, let's me the insaneeeeee teams!”
“Say hello (and probably goodbye) to Team Destruction! It's Mr Snuggly and loki!”
*Both wave to audience*
“Will the team leave up to their name? Or will the name apply to them? We'll soon find out! Next up, say hello to Team Fowl! It's Lil Hedgehog and Rosalind!”
*Both snarl at audience, audience boo's*
“The only girl team in the game today, but they can sure pack a punch, as illzen from the audience earlier found out…”
*Video screen with live message from illzen, in hospital*
“I only asked for a....(he's going into IRTU, we'll have to perform...)”
*Video cuts short*
(Team Fowl laugh inanely to themselves.)
“The 3rd team is Team Mage, dark folk, which is made up by best of friends, Dark Mark and Edgy!”
*Dark Mark shoots bolt of black lightening at audience member, Edgy tries to stop it, get's hurt also, whilst audience member is hit and wriggles in pain*
“That's a powerful shot! Our penultimate team is Team Desperado - and that's exactly what they are...desperate to win the prizes available to them tonight if they make it through the vicious fog of terrors. On the team are cookie monster and Quinty”
*c-m comes in rolling in a transparent sphere. Quinty bounds in with excitement and enthusiasm*
“Our final team tonight is Team Gill, supporters of one single console, and of themselves. They are Natbuc and Mandatare!”
*Both jump in screaming. Audience looks, with the occasional cough. All teams are silent*
*Ahem.*
“Well that’s the teams. How do we play? Here's how. The Battle! Arena is a pentagon. The five sides lead off into different areas, where you can win points (and subsequently, cash) for beating other teams and even other team members. 1 point is $10,000. Good luck! The two highest scoring teams left surviving will reach the middle of the pentagon for the Final Showdown. Let the games begin!”
(All the 5 teams lined up in front of area 1)
*WARNING! LIVE FIRE AREA* came out of the speakers as they all entered the area. From huge video screens the teams were watched. All the teams were then split by razor sharp edged panels that came out the ground. They were soundproof, so plans could be discussed. It seems that the event, which only the teams knew what it contained, involved fast moving lasers. Or something.
“Well now are teams are ready to go, we shall release the bots!!!”
Several mechanic creatures, each with a human controller and each equipped with lasers were released. Every team had weapons, so they were safe, that is, if the could use them...
“Let battle....COMMENCE”
Each creature had the same voice and these messages were repeated for every one.
SHIELDS........ON
WEAPONS........ON
LOCKONS........ON
............READY
All the panels were lowered and fell down back in the ground. The machines were spread round the room. A microsecond of silence, then...
*FIRE!*
*SHOOT!*
*LAUNCH ATTACK*
*GOOOOOO!*
The creatures bounded round the room. Dark Mark instantaneously ran to the corner of the arena and started chanting, ready to launch his attack at any second. Edgy used his weapons and took down B-543-A and -B with two single well placed shots, only aided by the fact -A and -B had no shield. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog both ran up opposite walls and took out rage on -E, by pounding it through the ground with an overhead attack. cookie monster rolled round the walls of the arena, with Quinty disabling -C's shields ready for cookie monster's attack. loki and Snuggly seemed to be completely static, but they were simply playing a waiting game. Natbuc and Mandatare were focusing energy on -D, who seemed to be doing nothing but watch fellow machines be destroyed. That was until all energy was focused, and -D went up in a huge ball of blue flame. cookie monster made it to -C, and Quinty had completely disabled its shield. Gone in 60 milliseconds! Snuggly suddenly started running, and took down both Edgy and Dark Mark with a beam of green energy. As all the creatures were down, it was a battle between the teams. loki seemed prepared for anything, that was, until Dark Mark unleashed his stored power and took him down. Snuggly was alone, and needed loki to keep himself in the event, so fell with dignity with him. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were finishing off -E when it used its final power and took them both out, finishing itself. The sirens could be heard.
*EVENT E-N-D-S!*
“The points after this game are as follows”
Biggest Attacker = Team Fowl = 10 points
Tactical Team = Team Desperado = 10 points
Honorability = Team Destruction = 10 points
“What an exciting event! Well 3 teams have got $100,000 each, and 3 have $---,---!!! But this can all change in area 2, where our teams are ready...”
“Area 2 involves a huge mechanical snake. With many parts it shall be hard to defeat, but the teams must work together. The team who destroys most parts wins most points, and 3 least scoring teams get no points. Who will win? Let's find out.”
*Snake=Unleashed*
*Teams=Ready*
A monstrosity of a machine came out. Even the amazing teams seemed scared
*GOOOOOO!*
All the teams immediately launched their default attacks. Edgy and Dark Mark suddenly disappeared, making them only the first team to be immediately out of action for that vent. Lil Hedgehog jumped of Rosalind's back and attacked and dismembered 5 areas of the snake, which wailed, and immediately got rid of Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog in seconds. cookie monster jumped on it's tail, which subsequently whipped upwards, lobbing c-m onto various sections of the snake, destroying them as he went. Quinty just, eh, looked enthusiastic. That was until he and c-m were both warped too. The snake wailed again. Natbuc and Mandatare both just raised their weapons and shot the remaining snake to pieces. They went too. The snake wailed and fell burning in a mauve flame to the ground. All the teams that disappeared suddenly reappeared, somewhat disorientated, but now free. The sirens were heard again.
*Event end*
The points awarded in event 2
Most hits = Team Mage = 20 points
Best technique = Team Desperado = 20 points
Tactical Op = Team Gill = 20 points
“Top Table?”
Team Desperado = 30 points = $300,000
Team Mage, Gill = 20 points = $200,000 each
Team Destruction, Fowl = 10 points = $100,000 each
“Time now for the deciding event in area 3. The two lowest scoring teams will leave. Get ready to enter”
*LABYRINTH READY....DIFFICULTY=HIGH*
All teams were located at different areas of the labyrinth. The centre contained a podium, space for 6 people, 3 teams. Stand on place 1 for 50 points. Stand on place 2 for 40 points. Stand on place 3 for 20 points. No points for any worse. Good luck, and avoid the traps!
*GOOOO!*
All 5 teams were released into the labyrinth. As Edgy and Dark Mark approached the first corner, a mob of screaming ghosts started chasing them. Running back as far as they could, they actually whacked back into their starting positions. The ghosts couldn’t get past the start block, but the team was stranded. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were both well on their way through the maze when they walked straight through a glowing, vertical puddle of some kind. They were whizzing round the labyrinth at amazing speed and they eventually both landed in the final section of the labyrinth, unfortunately completely disorientated and both in slow motion. cookie monster was rolling around excitedly, and Quinty was bounding about just as excitedly, when they hit into an invisible wall. But since it was invisible, they didn’t realise this. To make it worse, a gaping hole was in part of the wall opposite, but cheating was not allowed. Over minutes of pondering, just as they were going to give up after deciding not to cheat, they were rewarded for their honesty, and could walk through the invisible wall into the next area, to first place podium. The cheaters wall sealed up behind them. Snuggly and loki were making excellent progress too, until they reached the podiums, where 3 sharp-edges metal panels were jutting down faster and faster. They risked a run through them. As they ran, loki had his heel clipped on the final door. In a small amount of pain, both made it on to the second podium
*ONLY 1 SPACE LEFT* was announced
Natbuc and Mandatare were desperate for it. They ran continuously in a loop for a while, until realizing that it WAS a loop, then exited it, moving into the same area Snuggly and loki had been in. Without any problems, Natbuc stopped the panels from moving using Mandatare as a shield. Mandatare was shredded, Natbuc safe, but Team Gill came in and stood on the third podium. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were inches from the podium just taken, and cursed in slow-mo, which was rather amusing.
*LABYRINTH END – REMAINING TEAMS…LOCKDOWN*
The podium folk all got more points. 50 for Team Gill, 40 for Team Destruction and 20 for Team Desperado.
Edgy, Dark Mark, Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were all sealed in glass tubes, and transported back to the entrance hall.
“Wells its goodbye to you 2 teams! Final amounts and damage bonuses?”
*Team Mage …. $200,000 + Damage Bonus of $50,000*
(Edgy and Dark Mark were both happy at the amount)
*Team Fowl …. $100,000 + Damage Bonus of $100,000*
(Rosalind huffed, Little Hedgehog puffed, and both breathed out, like the anger management person said)
“Now go, we’ve got a game to play!!!”
(Both teams are ushered out the arena)
“Time for event 4! Take out as many of your competitors as you can. 1 member of each team is suspended over a deep pool of water full of sharks (with head mounted laser beams!!!) The other team member will be asked 2 questions. If the other member gets the question right, then he can choose to raise their team-mate from the pool, or lower an opponent closer to the pool. 2 lowerings and you go in. 2 raises and you’re safe. 25 points for a kill, 15 for a save. If you get the question wrong, you must choose whether to lower your team-mate, or to raise an opponent. If your team-mate goes down you get the points, but a very annoyed team-mate. If your opponent goes up because you lost the question, they get the raise points. Good Luck!!!”
“First question to Team Destruction…Do cat’s sweat?”
The team pondered…then said ‘yes’ as their answer
“CORRECT! Raise or lower?” Snuggly said he wanted to raise loki. loki was fairly happy in his little deep pooled cubicle as he was raised.
“Now your second question…How many times has Mystique been save by her charm. Or more correctly, her ‘charms’?”
loki laughed in his prison. Hybrid cowered in the audience. Snuggly answered.
“16,”
“Correct AGAIN! So what you going to do?” Snuggly chose to raise loki to temporary safety. loki celebrated again, yet almost fell into the pool somewhat voluntarily. Apparently the water was, eh, ‘shiny’.
“Now it’s Team Gill’s turn. Your first question is…What FF game is Bartz from?”
Natbuc instantaneously shouted “5” at Fuzzy
“Correct! So what you going to do? Lower of raise???”
“I’d like to lower Quinty. Anything to stop him acting like an obsessive Steps fan!”
Quinty was slowly lowered, with a huge grin on his face. No-one knows why though.
“Your second and final question. What other RPG’s exist except Final Fantasy?”
A dismayed face came across Natbuc. He had no idea of any other RPG’s
“Eh……Frogger?”
“WRONG! So what you going to do?” Natbuc decided to lower Mandatare. The fear on Mandatare’s face was oh-so apparent.
“The final questions to Team Desperado. cookie-monster, how many hours of dedication does it take to get Master Mode on Super Monkey?”
“How should I know?”
“Because you’ve done it?”
“Oh, yeah (sweating begins). Err…..100?”
“Wrong. It’s 101! Well is Quinty going down or loki/Mandatare going up?” cookie monster thought Quinty needed a bit of time out. So he was lowered, still with a huge grin, into a deep pool of sharks (with laser beams on their heads) Nasty noises, yet 25 points, followed.
“Final question. Name 3 characters from Super Monkey Ball. (psswss it’s easy psswss)”
“Eh….Dopey, Grumpy and…..Happy!”
“Wrong! So who goes up then?” The choice was made, and Mandatare was risen, safe again.
*END OF EVENT*
“After that somewhat ‘revealing’ event, we have new points!
*Team Destruction earned 15 points for *1* full raise*
*Team Desperado earned 25 points for *1* full drop*
*Team Gill earned 5 points for *1* semi-drop*
“And the top table?”
*Team Destruction now have 65 points = $650,000*
*Team Desperado now have 75 points = $750,000*
*Team Gill also now have 75 points = $750,000*
“So that means we have to lose Team Destruction!”
(loki and Snuggly are both incased in the glass tubes and brought to the front area)
“Here are your final prizes!”
*$650,000 + Damage Bonus ($50,000) + Survival Bonus ($100,000) = $800,000*
(Both look at each other, collapse, cry with joy, stand up, brush themselves down, and walk out. Giggling.)
“Ok….Well onto event 5. The shortest event, but also the final event before the showdown in the centre area. And now it’s ever man for themselves. Defend your base, whilst attacking your opponents. You have 50 shots. You have 10 units of life. Your base can survive 25 shots. Good Luck!”
(All 4 players get ready for combat in their areas)
*GOOO!*
All 4 players ran out. It seems Quinty was a bit too hyper, and was shot by every other player at least 5 times. His base also went down quickly, losing him 5 points. This continued, and he was out within minutes. cookie monster was rolling around, hitting others rather than being hit himself thankfully. He managed to also destroy Quinty’s base, giving him 10 points, and destroyed Natbuc (who had destroyed c-m’s base for 10 points) for 30 points. Mandatare managed to destroy Natbuc’s base, but he got too close, making cookie monster angry, so he destroyed Mandatare as well. Quinty in his madness destroyed Mandatare’s base for 10 points
*EVENT END*
“The scores for this event?”
Quinty = 10 points + (-5)
Natbuc = 10 points + (-5)
Mandatare = 10 points + (-5)
cookie monster = 60 points!!! + (-5)
“And the final scores before the central event?”
*Team Desperado = 75 points + 55 points + 5 points = 135 points = $1,350,000
*Team Gill = 75 points + 5 points + 5 points = 85 points = $850,000*
“It’s now time for the lowest scoring team to leave – That’s Team Gill!”
(The glass tubes come up and take the losers again, and they return to the front area”
“After all the pain you suffered, final cash for you is…”
*$850,000 + Damage Bonus ($100,000) + Survival Bonus ($200,000) = $1,150,000*
(Natbuc fainted. Mandatare also wanted to faint. But couldn’t. So he didn’t. In Natbuc’s time of weakness, he took all the money for himself. Just for a laugh)
“It’s up to them about the money divide! Anywho, onto the final event in the central area. It’s one on one for a lot of points and lots of cash! Quinty and cookie monster – here’s how it works. Battle each other to the end. Oh no, but there is a twist! Yes, a twist! Yup, a humongous twist! You’ll never have guessed the massive twi….Damn, there’s no twist. Just kick and punch and do girly screa….I mean….eh….FIGHT!”
(The audience are silent. Then they scream and applaud, just as the screen tells them to…)
Quinty smiled. Cookie monster, however, took the initiative, and kicked him where it really hurts
“Oww! My ear!”
Cookie monster continued the pounding, Quinty was being pushed and pulled, dropped and kicked, and slowly his smile faded. c-m continued to almost break his back, that was until Quinty suddenly looked very, VERY scary
“Mmm…..death”
Cookie monster look terrified. The audience looked in part terror and part anticipation. Fuzzy looked the other way at the blonde just entering the arena. And then
WHAM!
Cookie monster was launched all the way across the arena. And he didn’t move. At all.
“Quinty is the winner, and wins a bonus $500,000 onto his share of the prize!”
Now Quinty was smiling more than ever. Cookie monster was stunned, partly by Qunity, partly by his prize.
“Quinty … Cookie monster! You have together won $1,135,000 from events (various cheers came from the audience), plus a huge $250,000 damage bonus (more cheers and a few jeers from the audience) and a survival bonus of $500,000!”
At this point the audience made the loudest recorded sound known to man.
“Plus Quinty, you’ve won a bonus of $500,000 for the final round!!!!”
Quinty continually smiled.
“How do you feel, eh, cookie monster, and what will you spend your winnings on?”
“Sore, and a hitman”
“Okayy, and you, Quinty?”
“Smiley, smiles, hehe, glitter”
“Well let’s say goodbye to our winners, cookie monster and Quinty!”
(Audience cheer as they leave the arena)
“Well thanks for watching Battle! The roughest, toughest (not official) gameshow on TV! Please join us next week in Celebrity Battle!, where Anthea Turner takes on the events alone. YAY!”
-----------------------------------------------
Credits
-----------------------------------------------
Mr Snuggly (as himself)
loki (as himself)
cookie monster (as himself)
Quinty (as himself)
Rosalind (as herself)
Little Hedgehog (as herself)
Natbuc (as himself)
Mandatare (as himself)
Edgy (as himself)
Dark Mark (as himself)
DW (as audience member)
illzen (as unlucky audience member)
Fuzzy (as presenter)
Please note all of this is completely fictional. Any users mentioned are in no way like they are represented in here as they are in reality. The story is fictional, and the very vague idea of this was reminiscing about Smash TV on Megadrive. No actual content from the game is used (to the best of my knowledge)
© Paul Holmes a.k.a Fuzzy 2002
hmpf, well every knows if it was real life I would have wonn.
Anyway, well done on the post Fuzzy it was hilariexcellenilicous. (yes I made it up)
Ros
Anyway, well done on the post Fuzzy it was hilariexcellenilicous. (yes I made it up)
Ros
Thanks all for the positive feeback!
Mucho appreciated :D
Mucho appreciated :D
That was really really good fFuzzy :D
Thanks for including me. Shame I was partnered with a puff :D
Thanks for including me. Shame I was partnered with a puff :D
Well done, i enjoyed that.
And our team won. :)
And our team won. :)
Wow! That's the first big story ive ever fully read. That was excellent Fuzzy, well worth reeading.
Cheers for including me and letting me win!
A sure GAD contender. :-)
Cheers for including me and letting me win!
A sure GAD contender. :-)
A story, a spoof, whatever. Just enjoy or loathe it :D
----------------------------
“Welcome to Battle! The newest game show that will literally blow your mind! (DW's head explodes) I'm Fuzzy, and this show will test your wits, strength, skill and endurance. So without further ado, let's me the insaneeeeee teams!”
“Say hello (and probably goodbye) to Team Destruction! It's Mr Snuggly and loki!”
*Both wave to audience*
“Will the team leave up to their name? Or will the name apply to them? We'll soon find out! Next up, say hello to Team Fowl! It's Lil Hedgehog and Rosalind!”
*Both snarl at audience, audience boo's*
“The only girl team in the game today, but they can sure pack a punch, as illzen from the audience earlier found out…”
*Video screen with live message from illzen, in hospital*
“I only asked for a....(he's going into IRTU, we'll have to perform...)”
*Video cuts short*
(Team Fowl laugh inanely to themselves.)
“The 3rd team is Team Mage, dark folk, which is made up by best of friends, Dark Mark and Edgy!”
*Dark Mark shoots bolt of black lightening at audience member, Edgy tries to stop it, get's hurt also, whilst audience member is hit and wriggles in pain*
“That's a powerful shot! Our penultimate team is Team Desperado - and that's exactly what they are...desperate to win the prizes available to them tonight if they make it through the vicious fog of terrors. On the team are cookie monster and Quinty”
*c-m comes in rolling in a transparent sphere. Quinty bounds in with excitement and enthusiasm*
“Our final team tonight is Team Gill, supporters of one single console, and of themselves. They are Natbuc and Mandatare!”
*Both jump in screaming. Audience looks, with the occasional cough. All teams are silent*
*Ahem.*
“Well that’s the teams. How do we play? Here's how. The Battle! Arena is a pentagon. The five sides lead off into different areas, where you can win points (and subsequently, cash) for beating other teams and even other team members. 1 point is $10,000. Good luck! The two highest scoring teams left surviving will reach the middle of the pentagon for the Final Showdown. Let the games begin!”
(All the 5 teams lined up in front of area 1)
*WARNING! LIVE FIRE AREA* came out of the speakers as they all entered the area. From huge video screens the teams were watched. All the teams were then split by razor sharp edged panels that came out the ground. They were soundproof, so plans could be discussed. It seems that the event, which only the teams knew what it contained, involved fast moving lasers. Or something.
“Well now are teams are ready to go, we shall release the bots!!!”
Several mechanic creatures, each with a human controller and each equipped with lasers were released. Every team had weapons, so they were safe, that is, if the could use them...
“Let battle....COMMENCE”
Each creature had the same voice and these messages were repeated for every one.
SHIELDS........ON
WEAPONS........ON
LOCKONS........ON
............READY
All the panels were lowered and fell down back in the ground. The machines were spread round the room. A microsecond of silence, then...
*FIRE!*
*SHOOT!*
*LAUNCH ATTACK*
*GOOOOOO!*
The creatures bounded round the room. Dark Mark instantaneously ran to the corner of the arena and started chanting, ready to launch his attack at any second. Edgy used his weapons and took down B-543-A and -B with two single well placed shots, only aided by the fact -A and -B had no shield. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog both ran up opposite walls and took out rage on -E, by pounding it through the ground with an overhead attack. cookie monster rolled round the walls of the arena, with Quinty disabling -C's shields ready for cookie monster's attack. loki and Snuggly seemed to be completely static, but they were simply playing a waiting game. Natbuc and Mandatare were focusing energy on -D, who seemed to be doing nothing but watch fellow machines be destroyed. That was until all energy was focused, and -D went up in a huge ball of blue flame. cookie monster made it to -C, and Quinty had completely disabled its shield. Gone in 60 milliseconds! Snuggly suddenly started running, and took down both Edgy and Dark Mark with a beam of green energy. As all the creatures were down, it was a battle between the teams. loki seemed prepared for anything, that was, until Dark Mark unleashed his stored power and took him down. Snuggly was alone, and needed loki to keep himself in the event, so fell with dignity with him. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were finishing off -E when it used its final power and took them both out, finishing itself. The sirens could be heard.
*EVENT E-N-D-S!*
“The points after this game are as follows”
Biggest Attacker = Team Fowl = 10 points
Tactical Team = Team Desperado = 10 points
Honorability = Team Destruction = 10 points
“What an exciting event! Well 3 teams have got $100,000 each, and 3 have $---,---!!! But this can all change in area 2, where our teams are ready...”
“Area 2 involves a huge mechanical snake. With many parts it shall be hard to defeat, but the teams must work together. The team who destroys most parts wins most points, and 3 least scoring teams get no points. Who will win? Let's find out.”
*Snake=Unleashed*
*Teams=Ready*
A monstrosity of a machine came out. Even the amazing teams seemed scared
*GOOOOOO!*
All the teams immediately launched their default attacks. Edgy and Dark Mark suddenly disappeared, making them only the first team to be immediately out of action for that vent. Lil Hedgehog jumped of Rosalind's back and attacked and dismembered 5 areas of the snake, which wailed, and immediately got rid of Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog in seconds. cookie monster jumped on it's tail, which subsequently whipped upwards, lobbing c-m onto various sections of the snake, destroying them as he went. Quinty just, eh, looked enthusiastic. That was until he and c-m were both warped too. The snake wailed again. Natbuc and Mandatare both just raised their weapons and shot the remaining snake to pieces. They went too. The snake wailed and fell burning in a mauve flame to the ground. All the teams that disappeared suddenly reappeared, somewhat disorientated, but now free. The sirens were heard again.
*Event end*
The points awarded in event 2
Most hits = Team Mage = 20 points
Best technique = Team Desperado = 20 points
Tactical Op = Team Gill = 20 points
“Top Table?”
Team Desperado = 30 points = $300,000
Team Mage, Gill = 20 points = $200,000 each
Team Destruction, Fowl = 10 points = $100,000 each
“Time now for the deciding event in area 3. The two lowest scoring teams will leave. Get ready to enter”
*LABYRINTH READY....DIFFICULTY=HIGH*
All teams were located at different areas of the labyrinth. The centre contained a podium, space for 6 people, 3 teams. Stand on place 1 for 50 points. Stand on place 2 for 40 points. Stand on place 3 for 20 points. No points for any worse. Good luck, and avoid the traps!
*GOOOO!*
All 5 teams were released into the labyrinth. As Edgy and Dark Mark approached the first corner, a mob of screaming ghosts started chasing them. Running back as far as they could, they actually whacked back into their starting positions. The ghosts couldn’t get past the start block, but the team was stranded. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were both well on their way through the maze when they walked straight through a glowing, vertical puddle of some kind. They were whizzing round the labyrinth at amazing speed and they eventually both landed in the final section of the labyrinth, unfortunately completely disorientated and both in slow motion. cookie monster was rolling around excitedly, and Quinty was bounding about just as excitedly, when they hit into an invisible wall. But since it was invisible, they didn’t realise this. To make it worse, a gaping hole was in part of the wall opposite, but cheating was not allowed. Over minutes of pondering, just as they were going to give up after deciding not to cheat, they were rewarded for their honesty, and could walk through the invisible wall into the next area, to first place podium. The cheaters wall sealed up behind them. Snuggly and loki were making excellent progress too, until they reached the podiums, where 3 sharp-edges metal panels were jutting down faster and faster. They risked a run through them. As they ran, loki had his heel clipped on the final door. In a small amount of pain, both made it on to the second podium
*ONLY 1 SPACE LEFT* was announced
Natbuc and Mandatare were desperate for it. They ran continuously in a loop for a while, until realizing that it WAS a loop, then exited it, moving into the same area Snuggly and loki had been in. Without any problems, Natbuc stopped the panels from moving using Mandatare as a shield. Mandatare was shredded, Natbuc safe, but Team Gill came in and stood on the third podium. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were inches from the podium just taken, and cursed in slow-mo, which was rather amusing.
*LABYRINTH END – REMAINING TEAMS…LOCKDOWN*
The podium folk all got more points. 50 for Team Gill, 40 for Team Destruction and 20 for Team Desperado.
Edgy, Dark Mark, Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were all sealed in glass tubes, and transported back to the entrance hall.
“Wells its goodbye to you 2 teams! Final amounts and damage bonuses?”
*Team Mage …. $200,000 + Damage Bonus of $50,000*
(Edgy and Dark Mark were both happy at the amount)
*Team Fowl …. $100,000 + Damage Bonus of $100,000*
(Rosalind huffed, Little Hedgehog puffed, and both breathed out, like the anger management person said)
“Now go, we’ve got a game to play!!!”
(Both teams are ushered out the arena)
“Time for event 4! Take out as many of your competitors as you can. 1 member of each team is suspended over a deep pool of water full of sharks (with head mounted laser beams!!!) The other team member will be asked 2 questions. If the other member gets the question right, then he can choose to raise their team-mate from the pool, or lower an opponent closer to the pool. 2 lowerings and you go in. 2 raises and you’re safe. 25 points for a kill, 15 for a save. If you get the question wrong, you must choose whether to lower your team-mate, or to raise an opponent. If your team-mate goes down you get the points, but a very annoyed team-mate. If your opponent goes up because you lost the question, they get the raise points. Good Luck!!!”
“First question to Team Destruction…Do cat’s sweat?”
The team pondered…then said ‘yes’ as their answer
“CORRECT! Raise or lower?” Snuggly said he wanted to raise loki. loki was fairly happy in his little deep pooled cubicle as he was raised.
“Now your second question…How many times has Mystique been save by her charm. Or more correctly, her ‘charms’?”
loki laughed in his prison. Hybrid cowered in the audience. Snuggly answered.
“16,”
“Correct AGAIN! So what you going to do?” Snuggly chose to raise loki to temporary safety. loki celebrated again, yet almost fell into the pool somewhat voluntarily. Apparently the water was, eh, ‘shiny’.
“Now it’s Team Gill’s turn. Your first question is…What FF game is Bartz from?”
Natbuc instantaneously shouted “5” at Fuzzy
“Correct! So what you going to do? Lower of raise???”
“I’d like to lower Quinty. Anything to stop him acting like an obsessive Steps fan!”
Quinty was slowly lowered, with a huge grin on his face. No-one knows why though.
“Your second and final question. What other RPG’s exist except Final Fantasy?”
A dismayed face came across Natbuc. He had no idea of any other RPG’s
“Eh……Frogger?”
“WRONG! So what you going to do?” Natbuc decided to lower Mandatare. The fear on Mandatare’s face was oh-so apparent.
“The final questions to Team Desperado. cookie-monster, how many hours of dedication does it take to get Master Mode on Super Monkey?”
“How should I know?”
“Because you’ve done it?”
“Oh, yeah (sweating begins). Err…..100?”
“Wrong. It’s 101! Well is Quinty going down or loki/Mandatare going up?” cookie monster thought Quinty needed a bit of time out. So he was lowered, still with a huge grin, into a deep pool of sharks (with laser beams on their heads) Nasty noises, yet 25 points, followed.
“Final question. Name 3 characters from Super Monkey Ball. (psswss it’s easy psswss)”
“Eh….Dopey, Grumpy and…..Happy!”
“Wrong! So who goes up then?” The choice was made, and Mandatare was risen, safe again.
*END OF EVENT*
“After that somewhat ‘revealing’ event, we have new points!
*Team Destruction earned 15 points for *1* full raise*
*Team Desperado earned 25 points for *1* full drop*
*Team Gill earned 5 points for *1* semi-drop*
“And the top table?”
*Team Destruction now have 65 points = $650,000*
*Team Desperado now have 75 points = $750,000*
*Team Gill also now have 75 points = $750,000*
“So that means we have to lose Team Destruction!”
(loki and Snuggly are both incased in the glass tubes and brought to the front area)
“Here are your final prizes!”
*$650,000 + Damage Bonus ($50,000) + Survival Bonus ($100,000) = $800,000*
(Both look at each other, collapse, cry with joy, stand up, brush themselves down, and walk out. Giggling.)
“Ok….Well onto event 5. The shortest event, but also the final event before the showdown in the centre area. And now it’s ever man for themselves. Defend your base, whilst attacking your opponents. You have 50 shots. You have 10 units of life. Your base can survive 25 shots. Good Luck!”
(All 4 players get ready for combat in their areas)
*GOOO!*
All 4 players ran out. It seems Quinty was a bit too hyper, and was shot by every other player at least 5 times. His base also went down quickly, losing him 5 points. This continued, and he was out within minutes. cookie monster was rolling around, hitting others rather than being hit himself thankfully. He managed to also destroy Quinty’s base, giving him 10 points, and destroyed Natbuc (who had destroyed c-m’s base for 10 points) for 30 points. Mandatare managed to destroy Natbuc’s base, but he got too close, making cookie monster angry, so he destroyed Mandatare as well. Quinty in his madness destroyed Mandatare’s base for 10 points
*EVENT END*
“The scores for this event?”
Quinty = 10 points + (-5)
Natbuc = 10 points + (-5)
Mandatare = 10 points + (-5)
cookie monster = 60 points!!! + (-5)
“And the final scores before the central event?”
*Team Desperado = 75 points + 55 points + 5 points = 135 points = $1,350,000
*Team Gill = 75 points + 5 points + 5 points = 85 points = $850,000*
“It’s now time for the lowest scoring team to leave – That’s Team Gill!”
(The glass tubes come up and take the losers again, and they return to the front area”
“After all the pain you suffered, final cash for you is…”
*$850,000 + Damage Bonus ($100,000) + Survival Bonus ($200,000) = $1,150,000*
(Natbuc fainted. Mandatare also wanted to faint. But couldn’t. So he didn’t. In Natbuc’s time of weakness, he took all the money for himself. Just for a laugh)
“It’s up to them about the money divide! Anywho, onto the final event in the central area. It’s one on one for a lot of points and lots of cash! Quinty and cookie monster – here’s how it works. Battle each other to the end. Oh no, but there is a twist! Yes, a twist! Yup, a humongous twist! You’ll never have guessed the massive twi….Damn, there’s no twist. Just kick and punch and do girly screa….I mean….eh….FIGHT!”
(The audience are silent. Then they scream and applaud, just as the screen tells them to…)
Quinty smiled. Cookie monster, however, took the initiative, and kicked him where it really hurts
“Oww! My ear!”
Cookie monster continued the pounding, Quinty was being pushed and pulled, dropped and kicked, and slowly his smile faded. c-m continued to almost break his back, that was until Quinty suddenly looked very, VERY scary
“Mmm…..death”
Cookie monster look terrified. The audience looked in part terror and part anticipation. Fuzzy looked the other way at the blonde just entering the arena. And then
WHAM!
Cookie monster was launched all the way across the arena. And he didn’t move. At all.
“Quinty is the winner, and wins a bonus $500,000 onto his share of the prize!”
Now Quinty was smiling more than ever. Cookie monster was stunned, partly by Qunity, partly by his prize.
“Quinty … Cookie monster! You have together won $1,135,000 from events (various cheers came from the audience), plus a huge $250,000 damage bonus (more cheers and a few jeers from the audience) and a survival bonus of $500,000!”
At this point the audience made the loudest recorded sound known to man.
“Plus Quinty, you’ve won a bonus of $500,000 for the final round!!!!”
Quinty continually smiled.
“How do you feel, eh, cookie monster, and what will you spend your winnings on?”
“Sore, and a hitman”
“Okayy, and you, Quinty?”
“Smiley, smiles, hehe, glitter”
“Well let’s say goodbye to our winners, cookie monster and Quinty!”
(Audience cheer as they leave the arena)
“Well thanks for watching Battle! The roughest, toughest (not official) gameshow on TV! Please join us next week in Celebrity Battle!, where Anthea Turner takes on the events alone. YAY!”
-----------------------------------------------
Credits
-----------------------------------------------
Mr Snuggly (as himself)
loki (as himself)
cookie monster (as himself)
Quinty (as himself)
Rosalind (as herself)
Little Hedgehog (as herself)
Natbuc (as himself)
Mandatare (as himself)
Edgy (as himself)
Dark Mark (as himself)
DW (as audience member)
illzen (as unlucky audience member)
Fuzzy (as presenter)
Please note all of this is completely fictional. Any users mentioned are in no way like they are represented in here as they are in reality. The story is fictional, and the very vague idea of this was reminiscing about Smash TV on Megadrive. No actual content from the game is used (to the best of my knowledge)
© Paul Holmes a.k.a Fuzzy 2002
----------------------------
“Welcome to Battle! The newest game show that will literally blow your mind! (DW's head explodes) I'm Fuzzy, and this show will test your wits, strength, skill and endurance. So without further ado, let's me the insaneeeeee teams!”
“Say hello (and probably goodbye) to Team Destruction! It's Mr Snuggly and loki!”
*Both wave to audience*
“Will the team leave up to their name? Or will the name apply to them? We'll soon find out! Next up, say hello to Team Fowl! It's Lil Hedgehog and Rosalind!”
*Both snarl at audience, audience boo's*
“The only girl team in the game today, but they can sure pack a punch, as illzen from the audience earlier found out…”
*Video screen with live message from illzen, in hospital*
“I only asked for a....(he's going into IRTU, we'll have to perform...)”
*Video cuts short*
(Team Fowl laugh inanely to themselves.)
“The 3rd team is Team Mage, dark folk, which is made up by best of friends, Dark Mark and Edgy!”
*Dark Mark shoots bolt of black lightening at audience member, Edgy tries to stop it, get's hurt also, whilst audience member is hit and wriggles in pain*
“That's a powerful shot! Our penultimate team is Team Desperado - and that's exactly what they are...desperate to win the prizes available to them tonight if they make it through the vicious fog of terrors. On the team are cookie monster and Quinty”
*c-m comes in rolling in a transparent sphere. Quinty bounds in with excitement and enthusiasm*
“Our final team tonight is Team Gill, supporters of one single console, and of themselves. They are Natbuc and Mandatare!”
*Both jump in screaming. Audience looks, with the occasional cough. All teams are silent*
*Ahem.*
“Well that’s the teams. How do we play? Here's how. The Battle! Arena is a pentagon. The five sides lead off into different areas, where you can win points (and subsequently, cash) for beating other teams and even other team members. 1 point is $10,000. Good luck! The two highest scoring teams left surviving will reach the middle of the pentagon for the Final Showdown. Let the games begin!”
(All the 5 teams lined up in front of area 1)
*WARNING! LIVE FIRE AREA* came out of the speakers as they all entered the area. From huge video screens the teams were watched. All the teams were then split by razor sharp edged panels that came out the ground. They were soundproof, so plans could be discussed. It seems that the event, which only the teams knew what it contained, involved fast moving lasers. Or something.
“Well now are teams are ready to go, we shall release the bots!!!”
Several mechanic creatures, each with a human controller and each equipped with lasers were released. Every team had weapons, so they were safe, that is, if the could use them...
“Let battle....COMMENCE”
Each creature had the same voice and these messages were repeated for every one.
SHIELDS........ON
WEAPONS........ON
LOCKONS........ON
............READY
All the panels were lowered and fell down back in the ground. The machines were spread round the room. A microsecond of silence, then...
*FIRE!*
*SHOOT!*
*LAUNCH ATTACK*
*GOOOOOO!*
The creatures bounded round the room. Dark Mark instantaneously ran to the corner of the arena and started chanting, ready to launch his attack at any second. Edgy used his weapons and took down B-543-A and -B with two single well placed shots, only aided by the fact -A and -B had no shield. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog both ran up opposite walls and took out rage on -E, by pounding it through the ground with an overhead attack. cookie monster rolled round the walls of the arena, with Quinty disabling -C's shields ready for cookie monster's attack. loki and Snuggly seemed to be completely static, but they were simply playing a waiting game. Natbuc and Mandatare were focusing energy on -D, who seemed to be doing nothing but watch fellow machines be destroyed. That was until all energy was focused, and -D went up in a huge ball of blue flame. cookie monster made it to -C, and Quinty had completely disabled its shield. Gone in 60 milliseconds! Snuggly suddenly started running, and took down both Edgy and Dark Mark with a beam of green energy. As all the creatures were down, it was a battle between the teams. loki seemed prepared for anything, that was, until Dark Mark unleashed his stored power and took him down. Snuggly was alone, and needed loki to keep himself in the event, so fell with dignity with him. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were finishing off -E when it used its final power and took them both out, finishing itself. The sirens could be heard.
*EVENT E-N-D-S!*
“The points after this game are as follows”
Biggest Attacker = Team Fowl = 10 points
Tactical Team = Team Desperado = 10 points
Honorability = Team Destruction = 10 points
“What an exciting event! Well 3 teams have got $100,000 each, and 3 have $---,---!!! But this can all change in area 2, where our teams are ready...”
“Area 2 involves a huge mechanical snake. With many parts it shall be hard to defeat, but the teams must work together. The team who destroys most parts wins most points, and 3 least scoring teams get no points. Who will win? Let's find out.”
*Snake=Unleashed*
*Teams=Ready*
A monstrosity of a machine came out. Even the amazing teams seemed scared
*GOOOOOO!*
All the teams immediately launched their default attacks. Edgy and Dark Mark suddenly disappeared, making them only the first team to be immediately out of action for that vent. Lil Hedgehog jumped of Rosalind's back and attacked and dismembered 5 areas of the snake, which wailed, and immediately got rid of Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog in seconds. cookie monster jumped on it's tail, which subsequently whipped upwards, lobbing c-m onto various sections of the snake, destroying them as he went. Quinty just, eh, looked enthusiastic. That was until he and c-m were both warped too. The snake wailed again. Natbuc and Mandatare both just raised their weapons and shot the remaining snake to pieces. They went too. The snake wailed and fell burning in a mauve flame to the ground. All the teams that disappeared suddenly reappeared, somewhat disorientated, but now free. The sirens were heard again.
*Event end*
The points awarded in event 2
Most hits = Team Mage = 20 points
Best technique = Team Desperado = 20 points
Tactical Op = Team Gill = 20 points
“Top Table?”
Team Desperado = 30 points = $300,000
Team Mage, Gill = 20 points = $200,000 each
Team Destruction, Fowl = 10 points = $100,000 each
“Time now for the deciding event in area 3. The two lowest scoring teams will leave. Get ready to enter”
*LABYRINTH READY....DIFFICULTY=HIGH*
All teams were located at different areas of the labyrinth. The centre contained a podium, space for 6 people, 3 teams. Stand on place 1 for 50 points. Stand on place 2 for 40 points. Stand on place 3 for 20 points. No points for any worse. Good luck, and avoid the traps!
*GOOOO!*
All 5 teams were released into the labyrinth. As Edgy and Dark Mark approached the first corner, a mob of screaming ghosts started chasing them. Running back as far as they could, they actually whacked back into their starting positions. The ghosts couldn’t get past the start block, but the team was stranded. Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were both well on their way through the maze when they walked straight through a glowing, vertical puddle of some kind. They were whizzing round the labyrinth at amazing speed and they eventually both landed in the final section of the labyrinth, unfortunately completely disorientated and both in slow motion. cookie monster was rolling around excitedly, and Quinty was bounding about just as excitedly, when they hit into an invisible wall. But since it was invisible, they didn’t realise this. To make it worse, a gaping hole was in part of the wall opposite, but cheating was not allowed. Over minutes of pondering, just as they were going to give up after deciding not to cheat, they were rewarded for their honesty, and could walk through the invisible wall into the next area, to first place podium. The cheaters wall sealed up behind them. Snuggly and loki were making excellent progress too, until they reached the podiums, where 3 sharp-edges metal panels were jutting down faster and faster. They risked a run through them. As they ran, loki had his heel clipped on the final door. In a small amount of pain, both made it on to the second podium
*ONLY 1 SPACE LEFT* was announced
Natbuc and Mandatare were desperate for it. They ran continuously in a loop for a while, until realizing that it WAS a loop, then exited it, moving into the same area Snuggly and loki had been in. Without any problems, Natbuc stopped the panels from moving using Mandatare as a shield. Mandatare was shredded, Natbuc safe, but Team Gill came in and stood on the third podium. Rosalind and Lil Hedgehog were inches from the podium just taken, and cursed in slow-mo, which was rather amusing.
*LABYRINTH END – REMAINING TEAMS…LOCKDOWN*
The podium folk all got more points. 50 for Team Gill, 40 for Team Destruction and 20 for Team Desperado.
Edgy, Dark Mark, Rosalind and Little Hedgehog were all sealed in glass tubes, and transported back to the entrance hall.
“Wells its goodbye to you 2 teams! Final amounts and damage bonuses?”
*Team Mage …. $200,000 + Damage Bonus of $50,000*
(Edgy and Dark Mark were both happy at the amount)
*Team Fowl …. $100,000 + Damage Bonus of $100,000*
(Rosalind huffed, Little Hedgehog puffed, and both breathed out, like the anger management person said)
“Now go, we’ve got a game to play!!!”
(Both teams are ushered out the arena)
“Time for event 4! Take out as many of your competitors as you can. 1 member of each team is suspended over a deep pool of water full of sharks (with head mounted laser beams!!!) The other team member will be asked 2 questions. If the other member gets the question right, then he can choose to raise their team-mate from the pool, or lower an opponent closer to the pool. 2 lowerings and you go in. 2 raises and you’re safe. 25 points for a kill, 15 for a save. If you get the question wrong, you must choose whether to lower your team-mate, or to raise an opponent. If your team-mate goes down you get the points, but a very annoyed team-mate. If your opponent goes up because you lost the question, they get the raise points. Good Luck!!!”
“First question to Team Destruction…Do cat’s sweat?”
The team pondered…then said ‘yes’ as their answer
“CORRECT! Raise or lower?” Snuggly said he wanted to raise loki. loki was fairly happy in his little deep pooled cubicle as he was raised.
“Now your second question…How many times has Mystique been save by her charm. Or more correctly, her ‘charms’?”
loki laughed in his prison. Hybrid cowered in the audience. Snuggly answered.
“16,”
“Correct AGAIN! So what you going to do?” Snuggly chose to raise loki to temporary safety. loki celebrated again, yet almost fell into the pool somewhat voluntarily. Apparently the water was, eh, ‘shiny’.
“Now it’s Team Gill’s turn. Your first question is…What FF game is Bartz from?”
Natbuc instantaneously shouted “5” at Fuzzy
“Correct! So what you going to do? Lower of raise???”
“I’d like to lower Quinty. Anything to stop him acting like an obsessive Steps fan!”
Quinty was slowly lowered, with a huge grin on his face. No-one knows why though.
“Your second and final question. What other RPG’s exist except Final Fantasy?”
A dismayed face came across Natbuc. He had no idea of any other RPG’s
“Eh……Frogger?”
“WRONG! So what you going to do?” Natbuc decided to lower Mandatare. The fear on Mandatare’s face was oh-so apparent.
“The final questions to Team Desperado. cookie-monster, how many hours of dedication does it take to get Master Mode on Super Monkey?”
“How should I know?”
“Because you’ve done it?”
“Oh, yeah (sweating begins). Err…..100?”
“Wrong. It’s 101! Well is Quinty going down or loki/Mandatare going up?” cookie monster thought Quinty needed a bit of time out. So he was lowered, still with a huge grin, into a deep pool of sharks (with laser beams on their heads) Nasty noises, yet 25 points, followed.
“Final question. Name 3 characters from Super Monkey Ball. (psswss it’s easy psswss)”
“Eh….Dopey, Grumpy and…..Happy!”
“Wrong! So who goes up then?” The choice was made, and Mandatare was risen, safe again.
*END OF EVENT*
“After that somewhat ‘revealing’ event, we have new points!
*Team Destruction earned 15 points for *1* full raise*
*Team Desperado earned 25 points for *1* full drop*
*Team Gill earned 5 points for *1* semi-drop*
“And the top table?”
*Team Destruction now have 65 points = $650,000*
*Team Desperado now have 75 points = $750,000*
*Team Gill also now have 75 points = $750,000*
“So that means we have to lose Team Destruction!”
(loki and Snuggly are both incased in the glass tubes and brought to the front area)
“Here are your final prizes!”
*$650,000 + Damage Bonus ($50,000) + Survival Bonus ($100,000) = $800,000*
(Both look at each other, collapse, cry with joy, stand up, brush themselves down, and walk out. Giggling.)
“Ok….Well onto event 5. The shortest event, but also the final event before the showdown in the centre area. And now it’s ever man for themselves. Defend your base, whilst attacking your opponents. You have 50 shots. You have 10 units of life. Your base can survive 25 shots. Good Luck!”
(All 4 players get ready for combat in their areas)
*GOOO!*
All 4 players ran out. It seems Quinty was a bit too hyper, and was shot by every other player at least 5 times. His base also went down quickly, losing him 5 points. This continued, and he was out within minutes. cookie monster was rolling around, hitting others rather than being hit himself thankfully. He managed to also destroy Quinty’s base, giving him 10 points, and destroyed Natbuc (who had destroyed c-m’s base for 10 points) for 30 points. Mandatare managed to destroy Natbuc’s base, but he got too close, making cookie monster angry, so he destroyed Mandatare as well. Quinty in his madness destroyed Mandatare’s base for 10 points
*EVENT END*
“The scores for this event?”
Quinty = 10 points + (-5)
Natbuc = 10 points + (-5)
Mandatare = 10 points + (-5)
cookie monster = 60 points!!! + (-5)
“And the final scores before the central event?”
*Team Desperado = 75 points + 55 points + 5 points = 135 points = $1,350,000
*Team Gill = 75 points + 5 points + 5 points = 85 points = $850,000*
“It’s now time for the lowest scoring team to leave – That’s Team Gill!”
(The glass tubes come up and take the losers again, and they return to the front area”
“After all the pain you suffered, final cash for you is…”
*$850,000 + Damage Bonus ($100,000) + Survival Bonus ($200,000) = $1,150,000*
(Natbuc fainted. Mandatare also wanted to faint. But couldn’t. So he didn’t. In Natbuc’s time of weakness, he took all the money for himself. Just for a laugh)
“It’s up to them about the money divide! Anywho, onto the final event in the central area. It’s one on one for a lot of points and lots of cash! Quinty and cookie monster – here’s how it works. Battle each other to the end. Oh no, but there is a twist! Yes, a twist! Yup, a humongous twist! You’ll never have guessed the massive twi….Damn, there’s no twist. Just kick and punch and do girly screa….I mean….eh….FIGHT!”
(The audience are silent. Then they scream and applaud, just as the screen tells them to…)
Quinty smiled. Cookie monster, however, took the initiative, and kicked him where it really hurts
“Oww! My ear!”
Cookie monster continued the pounding, Quinty was being pushed and pulled, dropped and kicked, and slowly his smile faded. c-m continued to almost break his back, that was until Quinty suddenly looked very, VERY scary
“Mmm…..death”
Cookie monster look terrified. The audience looked in part terror and part anticipation. Fuzzy looked the other way at the blonde just entering the arena. And then
WHAM!
Cookie monster was launched all the way across the arena. And he didn’t move. At all.
“Quinty is the winner, and wins a bonus $500,000 onto his share of the prize!”
Now Quinty was smiling more than ever. Cookie monster was stunned, partly by Qunity, partly by his prize.
“Quinty … Cookie monster! You have together won $1,135,000 from events (various cheers came from the audience), plus a huge $250,000 damage bonus (more cheers and a few jeers from the audience) and a survival bonus of $500,000!”
At this point the audience made the loudest recorded sound known to man.
“Plus Quinty, you’ve won a bonus of $500,000 for the final round!!!!”
Quinty continually smiled.
“How do you feel, eh, cookie monster, and what will you spend your winnings on?”
“Sore, and a hitman”
“Okayy, and you, Quinty?”
“Smiley, smiles, hehe, glitter”
“Well let’s say goodbye to our winners, cookie monster and Quinty!”
(Audience cheer as they leave the arena)
“Well thanks for watching Battle! The roughest, toughest (not official) gameshow on TV! Please join us next week in Celebrity Battle!, where Anthea Turner takes on the events alone. YAY!”
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Credits
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Mr Snuggly (as himself)
loki (as himself)
cookie monster (as himself)
Quinty (as himself)
Rosalind (as herself)
Little Hedgehog (as herself)
Natbuc (as himself)
Mandatare (as himself)
Edgy (as himself)
Dark Mark (as himself)
DW (as audience member)
illzen (as unlucky audience member)
Fuzzy (as presenter)
Please note all of this is completely fictional. Any users mentioned are in no way like they are represented in here as they are in reality. The story is fictional, and the very vague idea of this was reminiscing about Smash TV on Megadrive. No actual content from the game is used (to the best of my knowledge)
© Paul Holmes a.k.a Fuzzy 2002