The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
As I walked through the main doors of my local pub I knew tonight was something different, I could sense it in the air away from all the smell of alcohol.
Barlady : Can I get you anything?
MWA : Yep, sure. I’ll have a…hey what’s up?
Barlady : Sorry, it’s just I’m new around here and well…
MWA : Ah, you can’t even make a drink right?
Barlady : Yep.
MWA : Jeez, I thought they would of trained you that part from the start and you don’t even know how to do it? It’s like general knowledge!
Barlady : Well sorry I’m blonde.
MWA : Yeah I see that…
*The barlady raises her arms*
MWA : WOAH!
Barlady : What?
MWA : Nothing…
Barlady : No really, what?
MWA : Honestly, nothing…
*The barlady puts on a frown and weeps whilst running to the back of the pub and out of sight. The manager walked over, I knew him from my school days, he went by the name of Mr. Nice Guy*
MNG : What happened there MWA?
MWA : I don’t know…one minute she was serving the next minute…gone!
MNG : Ah, one of those again eh?
MWA : What do you mean? Hey, fill me in won’t ya.
MNG : Mystique, she gets like that when people see her hairy pitters that’s all.
MWA : Hey, hold on a second here, how did you know I saw her hairy pitters?
MNG : She runs off crying all the time when people see them. Thank god no-one knows the rest of the story yet…
MWA : But your gonna tell me right?
MNG : No, I can’t do that! It’ll have him in puddles of tears!
MWA : Him?!?
MNG : Oh sorry, I meant ‘her’. Let’s just forget it, tell you what, I’ll give you your drink on the house…usual?
MWA : Yeah, you’re a nice guy, cheers.
MNG : Don’t I know it.
*So I had discovered that Mystique was a shemale, but that wasn’t the different thing about this very night. Beside me sat another regular who reeked of drink, it seemed as though he had drunk one to many*
Tiltawhirl : Have you seen the Ducks?
MWA : Sorry?!?
Tiltawhirl : The Ducks…have you seen them?
*He said this as he rolled his head around in circles*
MWA : Maybe you should, perhaps, go home?
Tiltawhirl : No, I’m stttttttttaaayyyying.
MWA : Nice singing voice you have there…
Tiltawhirl : Dank you. I’m practicing.
MWA : Yeah, for what?
Tiltawhirl : Tonight duurrrrrrrrrrrr.
MWA : What’s happening tonight then?
Tiltawhirl : I’m going to sinnnnnnnnng…
*And at that he fell to the floor just about managing to get himself back up. Again he started spinning his head*
Tiltawhirl : Have you seen the Ducks?
MWA : Yes.
*At that he seemed to become sober*
Tiltawhirl : WHERE?!?
MWA : There!
*And he ran out of the Pub to where I had pointed*
MNG : So you taking part MWA?
MWA : Maybe if I knew what you were talking about...
MNG : The talent contest, it’ll be fun.
*Finally, I knew what was going on tonight and why Tiltawhirl had been ‘practicing’*
MWA : No, I won’t take part, I’ll just watch and laugh.
MNG : Fine by me, I’ll be doing the same.
MWA : Should be funny seeing people like…
Tiltawhirl : Ducccccccccckky!
MWA : …Tiltawhirl taking part.
*Everyone in the Pub looked up at the sound of Tiltawhirls joy from outside*
MWA : Anyway, when’s it start?
MNG : Pretty soon, just got to plug the mic in. I’ll get the work experience guy to do it now…
*Mr. Nice Guy pulled out a small Trumpet from his pocket and placed it towards his lips whilst blowing quite hard. At the sound of it a boy appeared, his name tag said ‘Major Chip Hazard’*
MCH : Yes sir!
*He put on the pose as if he was in the Army and Mr. Nice Guy was his general*
MNG : Plug in that microphone, no time to waste!
MCH : Yes Sir Nice Guy! Right away Sir Nice Guy!
*At that the boy ran away to plug in the mic and in quite a style too.*
MWA : That kid trys to hard…
MNG : He’s quick, I like it.
*A scream came from the other side of the Pub. I turned and saw the boy jigging around like a Jigglypuff on heat whilst his hand was near the plug socket. After the shaking and screaming was over he fell to the floor. A woman stood up.*
Rosalind : JESUS! The kid’s been electrocuted!
MNG : Oh well, I had to send him back tomorrow anyway.
MWA : Plus he’s banned.
MNG : Yep.
*Another woman picked up the microphone, she had a great figure, reminded me of something I saw whilst watching the so called ‘New Star Wars trailer’ I had downloaded from the internet.*
Schroeder : Hello everybody and welcome to SR Talent!
MWA : Dude, wasn’t she that staff member on the Special Reserve forums which Hercules used to chat up?
Goatboy : I don’t know, but she can talk in my microphone any time, any place, anywhere, any…
MWA : Ok, I get the point. I also agree strongly also...
Goatboy : Excuse me, I’m off to pull. She’ll never be able to resist me and my Goatee.
MWA : Ok, good luck…stud.
*I sat back with my drink in one hand as the lights dimmed for the show to begin. Shame, now it was hard to see Goatboy go put his manly love on to the lady as the only light shined on the stage in the form of a spotlight. A drum roll began I looked in the direction of the sound and saw that Goatboy had taken the sticks and was drumming the drum roll of love on to the lady. He was giving her sweet smiles as he done it and it seemed to be working, all until he tried to throw up his drumstick and catch it though…*
Schroeder : Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight you will witness a night like no other. Nope, it’s not no show like the SRW matches in the WWE forum, but instead it is a show for all. A show for everyone to love which can only have one winner who wins a…you’ll find out at the end. I would like to welcome our first guest…SIBS!
*Sibs screeched onto the stage shouting lyrics he had wrote last night in bed about why the Government should be looking up into space and not starting wars down here on Earth. Over the years Sibs had created a band full of Punks who loved to get on the stage and tell people their mind. The guitarist rocked, but sadly, Sibs knocked himself out whilst throwing his head around the Microphone on a shouty part. His final comment?*
Sibs : I knew I shouldn’t of put that bit in. I swear I rubbed it out!
*The other guys in the band threw their instruments down and left Sibs on stage asking himself “why?!?”. Cooky came on stage and took him off*
Cooky : Don’t worry man, you were great.
Sibs : But we coulda been signed!
*The sexy lady walked onto the stage once more and apologized for the events which took place, but applause was heard around the Pub.*
Schroeder : Ok, our next act is something special…or so he said in his application form…he would like you to hear his words. MR GRIX THRAVES!
*I clapped along with the rest of the people in the pub*
Grix : Thank you, thank you.
er-no : IT’S TOM CRUISE!
Grix : Shut up er-no! Wait till your go!
er-no : Sorry Tom.
Grix : Anyway, thank you for coming people. This is old, I wrote it along time ago, it’s all my own work, I hope you like it. People call it gay, but others like it. I hope you do. It’s called “More Threatening When Whispered”.
*Grix cleared his throat whilst the audience waited for him to start*
Grix :
Sister's banging to the same old song
Don't really suppose that's wrong
Craig's sitting at the pc
Searching around for a crate of ice tea
French is good, he says to me…
*Minutes past, some people were asleep and some were in tears. Mainly the girls though…oh and Sheepy.*
Grix :
I'm going to be watching over you
Till the clouds give up their dew
For I may not appear to be your friend
But I'll be here till the very end.
*Applause was heard in random places. Sheepy stood up*
Sheepy : WAHOO! LOVED IT! MASTERPIECE! That first bit was about me!
Grix : Thanks Sheepy, thank you all, goodnight.
*I looked over to where the presenter was sitting, she was asleep, even though she was a girl. Phi11ip walked over and woke up so the next act could start.*
Schroeder : Sorry about that people…Wasn’t that act just gggggrrrrreat? Our next act is a guy called Gasmask, give it up for him. He is going to sing a song about how he got banned or something like that.
*Gasmask whispered in her ear*
Schroeder : Oh yes and it’s to the tune of The Police – Roxanne. Erm…enjoy.
*Gasmask sang the song, up there, alone, all by himself and people enjoyed it. Loved the chorus where he went…*
Gasmask : UNBAN THE GASMAN!
*The verses where asking Mr. Snuggly just that with which he replied…*
Mr. Snuggly : I got you unbanned, you idiot! Now shut up about it!
*If anything that would of taken my vote, but would the others change my mind? The lady walked back onto the stage doing the sign for ROCK! m/ m/ with her hands.*
Schroeder : YEAH BABY! ROCK ON! You loved that didn’t you guys? Yup, well, you’re gonna love this next one more. He goes by the name of er-no and you remind him of the babe.”
er-no : You remind me of the babe.
*Silence filled the room, er-no moved his hands rapidly as if to say “carry it on you bunch of idiots”*
Aliboy : What babe?
er-no : The babe with the power.
*Silence again, and again he signaled for them to carry it on*
RM18 : What power?
er-no : The power of the Voodoo.
Mr. Ripper : What Voodoo?
er-no : NO! Who do!
Mr. Ripper : I dunno, who do?!?
er-no : You do! No I mean, who do!
Mr. Ripper : What?!?
er-no : WHO DO!
Mr. Ripper : You tell me!
*er-no walked off the stage angry that his act when totally wrong. Grix sat in the corner, laughing.*
Schroeder : I LOVED THAT! DID YOU?!?
*Everyone seemed to look slightly puzzled as the lady tried to continue the show, some started to leave in fact. But the night went on and I stayed. An act which stuck in my mind was Sheepy’s, he called it the ‘Sheep song’.*
Sheepy :
Baaaaaaaaa,
Ba ba,
Baaaaaaaa baaaaa baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,
Ba ba baaaaaaaaaaaa,
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
*The strange thing was that it actually had verses and a song structured yet still sounded like a farmyard, interesting all the same. Other acts included Stryke singing Emo and not touching anyones heart. RastaBillySkank trying to be every single member of the Counting Crows all in one, but failed. Ant’s Christian rock band was a hit and converted a few. **Kerrang!** done something he saw off Kerrang. Hercules done some Greek belly dancing thing and even Turbonutter took part making sounds on his Keyboard and through MIDI sound files. All in all it was a great night, but nothing could beat Mystiques song.*
Schroeder : Here’s Mystique with a rip-off to the Men In Black song – “Why Am I A Shemale?”
Mystique :
Why am I a she-he-male?
*clap clap*
I just want to be female.
*And guess what else…She won! And the prize was a sex change.*
Barlady : Can I get you anything?
MWA : Yep, sure. I’ll have a…hey what’s up?
Barlady : Sorry, it’s just I’m new around here and well…
MWA : Ah, you can’t even make a drink right?
Barlady : Yep.
MWA : Jeez, I thought they would of trained you that part from the start and you don’t even know how to do it? It’s like general knowledge!
Barlady : Well sorry I’m blonde.
MWA : Yeah I see that…
*The barlady raises her arms*
MWA : WOAH!
Barlady : What?
MWA : Nothing…
Barlady : No really, what?
MWA : Honestly, nothing…
*The barlady puts on a frown and weeps whilst running to the back of the pub and out of sight. The manager walked over, I knew him from my school days, he went by the name of Mr. Nice Guy*
MNG : What happened there MWA?
MWA : I don’t know…one minute she was serving the next minute…gone!
MNG : Ah, one of those again eh?
MWA : What do you mean? Hey, fill me in won’t ya.
MNG : Mystique, she gets like that when people see her hairy pitters that’s all.
MWA : Hey, hold on a second here, how did you know I saw her hairy pitters?
MNG : She runs off crying all the time when people see them. Thank god no-one knows the rest of the story yet…
MWA : But your gonna tell me right?
MNG : No, I can’t do that! It’ll have him in puddles of tears!
MWA : Him?!?
MNG : Oh sorry, I meant ‘her’. Let’s just forget it, tell you what, I’ll give you your drink on the house…usual?
MWA : Yeah, you’re a nice guy, cheers.
MNG : Don’t I know it.
*So I had discovered that Mystique was a shemale, but that wasn’t the different thing about this very night. Beside me sat another regular who reeked of drink, it seemed as though he had drunk one to many*
Tiltawhirl : Have you seen the Ducks?
MWA : Sorry?!?
Tiltawhirl : The Ducks…have you seen them?
*He said this as he rolled his head around in circles*
MWA : Maybe you should, perhaps, go home?
Tiltawhirl : No, I’m stttttttttaaayyyying.
MWA : Nice singing voice you have there…
Tiltawhirl : Dank you. I’m practicing.
MWA : Yeah, for what?
Tiltawhirl : Tonight duurrrrrrrrrrrr.
MWA : What’s happening tonight then?
Tiltawhirl : I’m going to sinnnnnnnnng…
*And at that he fell to the floor just about managing to get himself back up. Again he started spinning his head*
Tiltawhirl : Have you seen the Ducks?
MWA : Yes.
*At that he seemed to become sober*
Tiltawhirl : WHERE?!?
MWA : There!
*And he ran out of the Pub to where I had pointed*
MNG : So you taking part MWA?
MWA : Maybe if I knew what you were talking about...
MNG : The talent contest, it’ll be fun.
*Finally, I knew what was going on tonight and why Tiltawhirl had been ‘practicing’*
MWA : No, I won’t take part, I’ll just watch and laugh.
MNG : Fine by me, I’ll be doing the same.
MWA : Should be funny seeing people like…
Tiltawhirl : Ducccccccccckky!
MWA : …Tiltawhirl taking part.
*Everyone in the Pub looked up at the sound of Tiltawhirls joy from outside*
MWA : Anyway, when’s it start?
MNG : Pretty soon, just got to plug the mic in. I’ll get the work experience guy to do it now…
*Mr. Nice Guy pulled out a small Trumpet from his pocket and placed it towards his lips whilst blowing quite hard. At the sound of it a boy appeared, his name tag said ‘Major Chip Hazard’*
MCH : Yes sir!
*He put on the pose as if he was in the Army and Mr. Nice Guy was his general*
MNG : Plug in that microphone, no time to waste!
MCH : Yes Sir Nice Guy! Right away Sir Nice Guy!
*At that the boy ran away to plug in the mic and in quite a style too.*
MWA : That kid trys to hard…
MNG : He’s quick, I like it.
*A scream came from the other side of the Pub. I turned and saw the boy jigging around like a Jigglypuff on heat whilst his hand was near the plug socket. After the shaking and screaming was over he fell to the floor. A woman stood up.*
Rosalind : JESUS! The kid’s been electrocuted!
MNG : Oh well, I had to send him back tomorrow anyway.
MWA : Plus he’s banned.
MNG : Yep.
*Another woman picked up the microphone, she had a great figure, reminded me of something I saw whilst watching the so called ‘New Star Wars trailer’ I had downloaded from the internet.*
Schroeder : Hello everybody and welcome to SR Talent!
MWA : Dude, wasn’t she that staff member on the Special Reserve forums which Hercules used to chat up?
Goatboy : I don’t know, but she can talk in my microphone any time, any place, anywhere, any…
MWA : Ok, I get the point. I also agree strongly also...
Goatboy : Excuse me, I’m off to pull. She’ll never be able to resist me and my Goatee.
MWA : Ok, good luck…stud.
*I sat back with my drink in one hand as the lights dimmed for the show to begin. Shame, now it was hard to see Goatboy go put his manly love on to the lady as the only light shined on the stage in the form of a spotlight. A drum roll began I looked in the direction of the sound and saw that Goatboy had taken the sticks and was drumming the drum roll of love on to the lady. He was giving her sweet smiles as he done it and it seemed to be working, all until he tried to throw up his drumstick and catch it though…*
Schroeder : Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight you will witness a night like no other. Nope, it’s not no show like the SRW matches in the WWE forum, but instead it is a show for all. A show for everyone to love which can only have one winner who wins a…you’ll find out at the end. I would like to welcome our first guest…SIBS!
*Sibs screeched onto the stage shouting lyrics he had wrote last night in bed about why the Government should be looking up into space and not starting wars down here on Earth. Over the years Sibs had created a band full of Punks who loved to get on the stage and tell people their mind. The guitarist rocked, but sadly, Sibs knocked himself out whilst throwing his head around the Microphone on a shouty part. His final comment?*
Sibs : I knew I shouldn’t of put that bit in. I swear I rubbed it out!
*The other guys in the band threw their instruments down and left Sibs on stage asking himself “why?!?”. Cooky came on stage and took him off*
Cooky : Don’t worry man, you were great.
Sibs : But we coulda been signed!
*The sexy lady walked onto the stage once more and apologized for the events which took place, but applause was heard around the Pub.*
Schroeder : Ok, our next act is something special…or so he said in his application form…he would like you to hear his words. MR GRIX THRAVES!
*I clapped along with the rest of the people in the pub*
Grix : Thank you, thank you.
er-no : IT’S TOM CRUISE!
Grix : Shut up er-no! Wait till your go!
er-no : Sorry Tom.
Grix : Anyway, thank you for coming people. This is old, I wrote it along time ago, it’s all my own work, I hope you like it. People call it gay, but others like it. I hope you do. It’s called “More Threatening When Whispered”.
*Grix cleared his throat whilst the audience waited for him to start*
Grix :
Sister's banging to the same old song
Don't really suppose that's wrong
Craig's sitting at the pc
Searching around for a crate of ice tea
French is good, he says to me…
*Minutes past, some people were asleep and some were in tears. Mainly the girls though…oh and Sheepy.*
Grix :
I'm going to be watching over you
Till the clouds give up their dew
For I may not appear to be your friend
But I'll be here till the very end.
*Applause was heard in random places. Sheepy stood up*
Sheepy : WAHOO! LOVED IT! MASTERPIECE! That first bit was about me!
Grix : Thanks Sheepy, thank you all, goodnight.
*I looked over to where the presenter was sitting, she was asleep, even though she was a girl. Phi11ip walked over and woke up so the next act could start.*
Schroeder : Sorry about that people…Wasn’t that act just gggggrrrrreat? Our next act is a guy called Gasmask, give it up for him. He is going to sing a song about how he got banned or something like that.
*Gasmask whispered in her ear*
Schroeder : Oh yes and it’s to the tune of The Police – Roxanne. Erm…enjoy.
*Gasmask sang the song, up there, alone, all by himself and people enjoyed it. Loved the chorus where he went…*
Gasmask : UNBAN THE GASMAN!
*The verses where asking Mr. Snuggly just that with which he replied…*
Mr. Snuggly : I got you unbanned, you idiot! Now shut up about it!
*If anything that would of taken my vote, but would the others change my mind? The lady walked back onto the stage doing the sign for ROCK! m/ m/ with her hands.*
Schroeder : YEAH BABY! ROCK ON! You loved that didn’t you guys? Yup, well, you’re gonna love this next one more. He goes by the name of er-no and you remind him of the babe.”
er-no : You remind me of the babe.
*Silence filled the room, er-no moved his hands rapidly as if to say “carry it on you bunch of idiots”*
Aliboy : What babe?
er-no : The babe with the power.
*Silence again, and again he signaled for them to carry it on*
RM18 : What power?
er-no : The power of the Voodoo.
Mr. Ripper : What Voodoo?
er-no : NO! Who do!
Mr. Ripper : I dunno, who do?!?
er-no : You do! No I mean, who do!
Mr. Ripper : What?!?
er-no : WHO DO!
Mr. Ripper : You tell me!
*er-no walked off the stage angry that his act when totally wrong. Grix sat in the corner, laughing.*
Schroeder : I LOVED THAT! DID YOU?!?
*Everyone seemed to look slightly puzzled as the lady tried to continue the show, some started to leave in fact. But the night went on and I stayed. An act which stuck in my mind was Sheepy’s, he called it the ‘Sheep song’.*
Sheepy :
Baaaaaaaaa,
Ba ba,
Baaaaaaaa baaaaa baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,
Ba ba baaaaaaaaaaaa,
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
*The strange thing was that it actually had verses and a song structured yet still sounded like a farmyard, interesting all the same. Other acts included Stryke singing Emo and not touching anyones heart. RastaBillySkank trying to be every single member of the Counting Crows all in one, but failed. Ant’s Christian rock band was a hit and converted a few. **Kerrang!** done something he saw off Kerrang. Hercules done some Greek belly dancing thing and even Turbonutter took part making sounds on his Keyboard and through MIDI sound files. All in all it was a great night, but nothing could beat Mystiques song.*
Schroeder : Here’s Mystique with a rip-off to the Men In Black song – “Why Am I A Shemale?”
Mystique :
Why am I a she-he-male?
*clap clap*
I just want to be female.
*And guess what else…She won! And the prize was a sex change.*
Page:
Very good. My bit should have been a lot larger and all.. but apart from that.
;)
;)
Lol @ me. :D
Well, if the first prize was a sex change I'm glad I didn't win! I got second though right...? ;-)
Well, if the first prize was a sex change I'm glad I didn't win! I got second though right...? ;-)
Ant wrote:
>has cheered me up a bit too.
Yeah, I saw your post in life too.
Glad to hear it did :-D
>has cheered me up a bit too.
Yeah, I saw your post in life too.
Glad to hear it did :-D
LOL! Excellent stuff, has cheered me up a bit too. {:) Nice one MWA.
Urk
LOL at Post and LOL at Myst's hairy pitters, it's funny cause it's true.
> Mystique :
> Why am I a she-he-male?
> *clap clap*
> I just want to be female.
>
Such a song needs to be released, I can smell the money.
> Why am I a she-he-male?
> *clap clap*
> I just want to be female.
>
Such a song needs to be released, I can smell the money.
*sobs*
He said I was the one, that it'd be forever.
*continues to sob*
He said I was the one, that it'd be forever.
*continues to sob*
schroeder wrote:
> Did Goatboy win my love?
Only for one night.
Then he moved on to some chick that came to his gig.
> Did Goatboy win my love?
Only for one night.
Then he moved on to some chick that came to his gig.
Page: