Viewing Thread:
"What I look for in games"

When I buy a game, it's because there is something about it that appeals.
It's rarely the graphics or storyline, so what do I look for?

I like shooting things. Mostly people, but sometimes animals and space-creatures will suffice. It may say something about my head-egg, but I just enjoy waving a shooter about and having villanious characters return fire at me.
Maybe I was supposed to be in The A-Team or something, but it just feels good to fire hot lead at other men.

I like commanding armies of people to their doom.
RTS games do it for me. Not because I'm tactical or anything, but it feeds my meglomaniacal sense of power to amass hundreds of stupid troops and march them into certain death.
It's funny to me, to spend an age training these hosers and then watch them fling themselves at insurmountable foes.
I think I would be an excellent general, because human life matters little to me, only the final victory and shiny medals to pin on my manly chest.

I like animal games.
Black and White, despite it's horrendous problems, still draws me back time and time again.
Purely because I can raise a death-monkey to do my bidding.
There's nowt like raising and nurturing a sweet little ape from a bright-eyed avatar of innocence and beating it senseless until it hits puberty and is now a slanty-eyed weapon of hatred.
My ape, Bruce Willis, hates children to the point of defecating on them.
And he's terrified to eat anything other than trees, because I beat him like a carpet if he does.
He's a cold-blooded, overweight, demonic ape and I love him.

I like sneaky-about games.
Because I'm clumsy as hell. But the impression that I'm dead stealthy makes me feel good.
Except for Metal Gear Solid 2 - because if I was a stealthy warrior, I wouldn't waste time infiltrating oil rigs and tankers - I'd infiltrate the women's changing rooms at the local bath house and totally leer.
I dont get "Solid" Snake's fascination with spending all his time around other men in gimp-masks - something suspect there.

---

What I dont like

RPGs
Because I am not a virgin. And I have a suntan. And friends.

Nintendo games
Because I'm not a gibbering spazzy with my name sewn into my pants and a love of gumming change I find on the floor.

Puzzle games
Because they make me angry when I can't do them.
And rather than accept my limited skills, I smash the dog wiv my fase and try to set fire to the sky with shouting and shaky fists of rage

Train Simulators
Because...well, just because.
A train game. A f###ing train simulator. Think about that. Rubbish. Pants. Big smelly old man's nappy of a game idea.
For pointdexters that dont like Star Trek because other people are in it and it reminds them of the aching loneliness of their own sordid little lives.

Goatboy wrote:
> I did review that.
> But I also reviewed it again a few weeks later with a more honest
> opinion.
>
> That games sucks.

Meh - I know !!

Our office trainspotter has it on his work pc and stays behind some nights to play it ! - And then he tries to tell me about the trains that he has driven.... Aarrrggghhh

I dont care....

Shove your trains in a tuneel where the sun dont shine - Please, please get the hint...

Goatboy wrote:
> Nintendo games
> Because I'm not a gibbering spazzy with my name sewn into my pants and
> a love of gumming change I find on the floor.


ROFL! same here, i also hate nintendo games!

I did review that.
But I also reviewed it again a few weeks later with a more honest opinion.

That games sucks.

Flanders wrote:
Yes that's right everyone - Goaty has played and reviewed it - and he
> actually said that :
>
> " it's...well...nice "
---

I must have been feeling fruity that day.
Let me go back and read it.

"I like shooting things. Mostly people, but sometimes animals and space-creatures will suffice. It may say something about my head-egg, but I just enjoy waving a shooter about and having villanious characters return fire at me.
Maybe I was supposed to be in The A-Team or something, but it just feels good to fire hot lead at other men".

Didn't the A-team usually miss their targets or simply shoot the ground in front of their enemy?

Too pansy for you, I'm sure.

Goatboy wrote:


> Train Simulators
> Because...well, just because.
> A train game. A f###ing train simulator. Think about that. Rubbish.
> Pants. Big smelly old man's nappy of a game idea.



Mwuahahahahaha - So then Goatboy - your'e calling yourself a Big Smelly Old Man's nappy then......


I Just happened across your review for MS Train Simulator....

Yes that's right everyone - Goaty has played and reviewed it - and he actually said that :

" it's...well...nice "

(And some other stuff !!)

He - Busted !

"My ape, Bruce Willis, hates children to the point of defecating on them.
And he's terrified to eat anything other than trees, because I beat him like a carpet if he does.
He's a cold-blooded, overweight, demonic ape and I love him."
********
Fantastic.

mikelar wrote:
As for the original post, the Black and White bit was the best. I bet
> it's actually true as well. Is it? Please say it's true...
---

Hell yes it's true.
Bruce Willis: Psycho Ape

What about Warcraft

That's both of them

Argh the world's going to end.

RPG - Role Playing Game (Baldurs Gate)
RTS - Real Time Stratagy (Command & Conqueror)

As for the original post, the Black and White bit was the best. I bet it's actually true as well. Is it? Please say it's true...