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It's been reported that Toad, Peach's loyal servant for over a decade, has quit. In a press conference held at the palace today, the royal spokesman gave this statement:
“The rumours about Toad’s sudden decision to leave the palace are true. The events, as far as the palace understands them, will be released to all after this conference in a documented report.”
One of our reporters managed to ask a question answered before the spokesman could leave the room. He asked for a brief summary of the events leading up to Toad’s decision. The spokesman replied with:
“As far as I know, the dispute was over a pay rise. The official report will have all the details. That’s all I have to say. Thank you.”
The spokesman then left the conference room before any more questions could be answered. However, we have a copy of the report and the events are well documented. It read:
‘Mr. Toad Truffle asked the princess directly for a pay rise. The princess stated that the royal aide’s salary was fair and justified. What followed was a loud and intense verbal argument, which also involved the breakage of some of the princess’ personal possessions. In an interview with the princess, she quoted Toad as saying following:
“Come on you old (expletive). You’ve got loads of money stashed away. All I want to do is have enough money to feed my family”
“Yeah, well here’s some things you didn’t know. Your dad used to be a dinner lady and your mum IS alive. She’s a pirate with a wooden (expletive), an eye patch and a budgie instead of a parrot.”
“Mario? You only have to take care of him because he’s a gold digger. He doesn’t really have a debt to pay to anyone. He’s just after your money. I bet you didn’t know that he had an affair with Daisy did you?”
“You didn’t get a lot of money from your grandma? Oh, I know a little something about your grandma and why she didn’t have a lot. She was a truck driver… and she had a claw! Yeah, a metal claw instead of her right hand!”
Finally, as he stormed out of the castle, the princess quoted him as saying:
“(Expletive) you, you stupid (expletive). I’ll get another (expletive) job elsewhere. Somewhere I’m (expletive) appreciated and get paid a huge (expletive) wad of cash every (expletive) week. (Expletive) you and your (expletive), (expletive), (expletive) little family.”
Amongst all the tension, Toad threw some of the princess’ jewellery into the moat outside the castle and even jumped on, and crushed, her crown. The palace has issued Toad with a summons to court. Toad ripped up the summons and threw it back at the deliverer. The latest news the palace has is that Toad has gone on a holiday with the money he received from redundancy. Also, a local pawn shop seems to have some of the princess’ jewellery on sale. It appears that Toad had gone back to retrieve them so that he could pawn them off. Toad is due to appear in court on the 29th. However, all odds are against him turning up.’
The report ends there. So, what Toad will do next is a mystery. Will he turn up for court or go into another job abroad? There are rumours going around that the mushroom has had various job offers from farmers. Although, these are yet to be confirmed. This is Sparky Thomas, reporting for SP-OOF news.
“The rumours about Toad’s sudden decision to leave the palace are true. The events, as far as the palace understands them, will be released to all after this conference in a documented report.”
One of our reporters managed to ask a question answered before the spokesman could leave the room. He asked for a brief summary of the events leading up to Toad’s decision. The spokesman replied with:
“As far as I know, the dispute was over a pay rise. The official report will have all the details. That’s all I have to say. Thank you.”
The spokesman then left the conference room before any more questions could be answered. However, we have a copy of the report and the events are well documented. It read:
‘Mr. Toad Truffle asked the princess directly for a pay rise. The princess stated that the royal aide’s salary was fair and justified. What followed was a loud and intense verbal argument, which also involved the breakage of some of the princess’ personal possessions. In an interview with the princess, she quoted Toad as saying following:
“Come on you old (expletive). You’ve got loads of money stashed away. All I want to do is have enough money to feed my family”
“Yeah, well here’s some things you didn’t know. Your dad used to be a dinner lady and your mum IS alive. She’s a pirate with a wooden (expletive), an eye patch and a budgie instead of a parrot.”
“Mario? You only have to take care of him because he’s a gold digger. He doesn’t really have a debt to pay to anyone. He’s just after your money. I bet you didn’t know that he had an affair with Daisy did you?”
“You didn’t get a lot of money from your grandma? Oh, I know a little something about your grandma and why she didn’t have a lot. She was a truck driver… and she had a claw! Yeah, a metal claw instead of her right hand!”
Finally, as he stormed out of the castle, the princess quoted him as saying:
“(Expletive) you, you stupid (expletive). I’ll get another (expletive) job elsewhere. Somewhere I’m (expletive) appreciated and get paid a huge (expletive) wad of cash every (expletive) week. (Expletive) you and your (expletive), (expletive), (expletive) little family.”
Amongst all the tension, Toad threw some of the princess’ jewellery into the moat outside the castle and even jumped on, and crushed, her crown. The palace has issued Toad with a summons to court. Toad ripped up the summons and threw it back at the deliverer. The latest news the palace has is that Toad has gone on a holiday with the money he received from redundancy. Also, a local pawn shop seems to have some of the princess’ jewellery on sale. It appears that Toad had gone back to retrieve them so that he could pawn them off. Toad is due to appear in court on the 29th. However, all odds are against him turning up.’
The report ends there. So, what Toad will do next is a mystery. Will he turn up for court or go into another job abroad? There are rumours going around that the mushroom has had various job offers from farmers. Although, these are yet to be confirmed. This is Sparky Thomas, reporting for SP-OOF news.
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Excellent piece of writing ShadowDragon, and another quality Nintendo spoof - Very Funny!
Excellent, i personally prefer smaller spoofs liek these, much more "Readable". Is that a word?
*Shrugs* anyway excellent work SD
*Shrugs* anyway excellent work SD
Wahey!
Mexcellent! *Looks over shoulder incase Rasta's about*
SD, will you EVER stop making great spoofs about Nintendo?
Well done.
Mexcellent! *Looks over shoulder incase Rasta's about*
SD, will you EVER stop making great spoofs about Nintendo?
Well done.
Lol! Heh- that was damn funny, nice one SD!
:D
:D
It's a shame that so many members of the royal family are subjecting themselves to the jeering and constant hassle of the press by having these domestic dispuits.
Nice one, SD. :D
Nice one, SD. :D
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