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*The near future*
*Scene 1*
(badly composed news theme which sounds like it's coming out of a mobile phone) - dun dun dun dun DUUUUN! It's the 6 o'clock news and/or webcast! And here are your newsreaders... two random blokes!
Newsreader 1 - Hello, and welcome to the news. And if you're a nerd who's stumbled upon this during the never ending search for porn, welcome to the webcast. I'm some random bloke
Newsreader 2 - I too, am a random bloke. And proud of it
Newsreader 1 - Indeed you are. Now, today's headlines. Meka Dragon's previous record of 192 GAD wins has been smashed by ShadowDragon, who won his 193rd GAD today. Tony is said to be devastated at how much these records are costing him. Also, Prime Minister Stryke was found unconscious at a lapdancing club last night. It is believed he passed out with his head stuffed down a stripper's cleavage. The stripper, known only as Mystique, commented through her lawyer - "I thought he liked it down there." Stryke is recovering in an SHS (Stryke's Health Service) hospital today. On related news, today he celebrates his 10th year in office, making him the longest running PM in British history. Rumours that he has his opponents assassinated are still unproven.
Newsreader 2 - In other news, dreaded "hate" pusher Lord H has once again evaded the SR police, after a deadly shoot out. His group, known only as "The Haters" who supply the highly addictive drug "hate", released this video -
*Lord H appears, looking stoned*
Lord H - I, like... hate you all. And stuff...
*Back to the newsreaders*
Newsreader 1 - Oh, we here at Channel 92 hate him so much, and advise all viewers to hate him also
Newsreader 2 - Yes, please give in to pier pressure and hate him. In other news, more members of SR walked out today, over arguments with Tony about the uniform. They claim pink cat suits to be humiliating. And now a word from our sponsors
*Advert*
Bill Gates - Please buy my X-Box... PLEASE! The sharks are circling... My wife has left me! Please, someone, ANYONE, buy an X-Box! They're only £9.99 now, come on! The Playstation 6 costs £10,000!
*he nervously takes a draw from his cigarette*
Bill Gates - Come on, what do I have to do? Dance?
*he starts a pathetic dance*
*Back to the newsreaders*
Newsreader 2 - Ha ha ha ha... that Gatesy... he'll slay us all
*The webcast is turned off*
Goatboy - What a waste of my time, I could've been watching porn instead of that!
*Scene 2*
*The streets of Bristol. They are covered in rubbish, with homeless people everywhere*
CDouch - Come on! Fight! Go on, I'll give you a bottle of vodka!
*Crime is rampant, what with more and more SR staff going on strike. Several newbies are smashing up the Bristol branch of SR*
taz 47 - Ha ha! This is so much fun! Smash! Crash!
tinchi - Gimme those Bob The Builder DVDs!
The Playman - Where are the Shakira CDs?!
CuBeRuLeZ - Hey... what's that sound?
taz 47 - I don't hear anything...
tinchi - All I can hear is Bob The Builder... *he hums the tune*
CuBeRuLeZ - No... it sounds like a siren
The Playman - Can't be! The filth are on strike!
taz 47 - They are? Doesn't he mind?
CuBeRuLeZ - No, look, it IS a staff car!
*An SR staff car pulls up next to them. The door opens and RoboStaff steps out*
tinchi - Argh! A monster!
taz 47 - No, that's RoboStaff, leg it!
tinchi - RoboStaff? What's that?
*They all stop*
CuBeRuLeZ - You mean you've never heard of him?
tinchi - No... should I have?
The Playman - He kills newbies!
taz 47 - He stamps out spamming!
CuBeRuLeZ - He helps old ladies cross the road!
tinchi - Nope, doesn't ring a bell
RoboStaff - While you lot have been talking, I've already put you all in handcuffs
taz 47 - Oh great! Another fine mess you've got us into!
*Scene 3*
*SR towers, somewhere in England. Tony is talking with Hybrid Valves and fido dido*
Tony - How's the strike going?
Hybrid Valves - Just as you thought it would, sir. The city is tearing itself apart, and the government owes us more money than ever. Soon Stryke will sell us the city at a stupidly low price, and we can begin building SR city
Tony - Excellent. And what of our RoboStaff 2 project?
Hybrid Valves - The inferior sequel we're making?
Tony - No, the new cyborg
Hybrid Valves - Oh, yeah, right. Well here we have fido dido, she can show you the videos of them, but I must warn you, it isn't good news.
*fido dido uses a remote to turn on a TV in the corner*
Tony - Argh! It's hideous!
fido dido - No, that's our technician, Bob
*On the screen, a big robot appears and the technicians step back*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-1.jpg
RoboStaff 2.1 - I am RoboStaff. Please insert porn
Tony - Why does it have a six pac?
Fido dido - We're trying to appeal to the female audience out there
*the cyborg explodes. The video skips to the next day. Another cyborg appears*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-2.jpg
RoboStaff 2.2 - I am RoboStaff. Now where did I leave my gun?
Tony - The SR logo is in a funny place
fido dido - Yes, the lab boys left that in as a joke
Tony - Has rather large arms, doesn't he?
fido dido - Yes, we nicknamed him Mr Ban Hands
*the cyborg explodes. fido dido turns the video off*
Tony - Total failures! Why can't we reproduce what happened with Snuggly?
fido dido - I just don't think the candidates were good enough. With Snuggly, we can control him with booze. We need someone else we can control... and I think Lord H is the perfect candidate
Hybrid Valves - Lord H?! He's one of the most hate-filled people around! Literally! He's stuffed to the gills with that hate drugs he makes!
fido dido - Exactly! We can use the hate substance to control him! Just as vodka controls Snuggly! Of course... to do this we'd need to bypass certain European laws...
Tony - Europe?! Pft! What have they ever done for us? Do whatever is necessary, fido, we need a new RoboStaff for SR city! Snuggly is getting rusty...
*Scene 4*
*RoboStaff and shcroeder are driving around in their staff car*
schroeder - Man, this place is a warzone! Why would Tony let us go on strike? He's lucky he has dedicated staff members like me and you who care about their jobs
RoboStaff - Speak for yourself, I tried walking out and they shocked me with a cattle prod
schroeder - Oh... well, I guess they want you around, after all, you ARE the best spammer basher
RoboStaff - I don't care about spammers... I care about Lord H!
schroeder - Really? I thought they erased all your homosexual tendencies?
RoboStaff - Not THAT kind of caring! I care that he's spreading hate throughout the forums! I say we go kill him!
schroeder - OK... but, um, how do we find his secret hideout?
RoboStaff - Oh, look, there it is!
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-3.jpg
*schroeder turns down the path leading to the hideout and they speed towards the building. They park outside and both get out*
RoboStaff - Wait here, I'll be back
schroeder - Um, Snuggly? Wrong film
RoboStaff - Oh, yeah, right... What do I normally say when I go somewhere?
schroeder - "Here, hold my hotdog"
*Inside the building, RoboStaff sees the production line of "hate", with Lord H and Insane Bartender overseeing things*
Lord H - Ha ha! I feel so good about myself by putting other people down and making them feel bad! Makes me feel like a real man!
Insane Bartender - Yeah, me too!
Lord H - Quiet, fool, only I may gloat
RoboStaff - Freeze, dirtbags!
*They turn around to see RoboStaff pointing his cannon sized gun at them*
Lord H - Ha! I am not afraid! Your bullets can never kill me! I am EVIL!
RoboStaff - One way to find out
*RoboStaff fires*
Lord H - (screaming like a girl) Argh! Help me!
*He pulls Insane Bartender in front of him, using him as a human shield. He drops the corpse onto the floor*
Lord H - Ha ha! See? I am invincible!
RoboStaff - Plenty more bullets where that came from!
Lord H - Mummy!!
*RoboStaff fires again, the shots rip into Lord H*
Lord H - But I'm a funning demon!
*He collapses on the floor, on top of Insane Bartender*
Insane Bartender - Hey, watch it! I'm dead here!
*Scene 5*
*Stryke's office*
Stryke - So we're TOTALLY broke?
RM18 - Yay, I'm in a spoof! I mean, um, yes sir! And your popularity is going downhill thanks to the staff strike
Stryke - Curse that Tony! We need to get money somehow, any suggestions?
Solskjær - How about another sponsored strip? You got a lot of money from Wales last time you did that
Stryke - Na, that was just my mother... We need something GOOD!
AfroJoe - Sir, I have someone on the phone for you, they say it's important
Stryke - *taking the phone* Is this about those parking tickets? Look, I told you, someone must have painted that extra yellow line on after I left my mini there! (pause) Yes, that's me... You what? You want to give us £5 million? Why, that's very nice of you... can I just ask... are you currently incarcerated in a mental institution? You're not? Why that's just great then! OK, we'll meet at the creepy old warehouse. OK, see you soon... *he hangs up* Someone wants to donate £5 million! Quick, let's go!
*Everyone rushes out, except El Swandre, who takes out his mobile phone*
El Swandre - Hello, Tony? This is El Swandre, the PM is about to make a deal to get five mill, just thought I'd let you know. Yes, sir, they're meeting at the creepy old warehouse. Why, thank you, sir, yes, I am a sleazy grass, aren't I?
*Scene 6*
*The creepy warehouse. Stryke's mini pulls up outside and he and his staff clamber out*
Stryke - OK, ®eDdY²°°2, you wait here. Afro, Sol, you're with me
*They go inside. Insane Bartender is sat at a table*
Stryke - Aren't you dead?
Insane Bartender - I thought this was the sequel... anyway, we're not here to discuss plot holes, let's talk about the money
Stryke - Any time is a good time to talk about money! So... why do you want to help me out?
Insane Bartender - Now that Lord H is gone, I'm the most hate filled and evil forum user around, and I figure if I cut a deal with the Prime Minister, I can make my business go even further. So, what do you say, I'll give you the £5 million you need to pay off SR so you don't have to sell them this city, and you get SR off my back when I start dealing hate again... deal?
Stryke - Yeah, alright. A little hate never hurt anyone. I used to bash people on the forums too. Deal!
*The huge doors burst open, and a giant mechanical machine enters*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-4.jpg
Insane Bartender - Friend of yours?
Stryke - ®eDdY²°°2, is that you?
*The robot lifts it's arm and a rather large gun appears. It starts shooting at everyone around the table*
Stryke - Argh! AfroJoe, do something!
*AfroJoe collapses on the floor, dead*
Stryke - Solskjær?
*Solskjær slides down the wall, dead*
Stryke - Oh great!
*Stryke ducks behind the table as Insane Bartender's cronies shoot back at the lumbering monster, which kills them one by one*
Insane Bartender - You're ruining my party! I just washed that floor, look, you're getting blood all over it!
*The robot shoots him*
Insane Bartender - Not again!
*He drops to the floor, curdling blood, just as Stryke makes a run for the doors. He escapes into his mini*
*Scene 7*
*SR towers. Tony is holding a party to celebrate the buying of the city by SR. Tony is speaking at the podium*
Tony - I've had this dream for quite some time... where I'm surrounded by naked chicks and-
Hybrid Valves - *cough* Sir!
Tony - Oh, right, the OTHER dream. Yes, the other dream - Special Reserve City. A safe city, with no newbies, no spammers, and no crime. A city with thousands of jobs, a city which is safe and violence free. And to help make this dream a reality, I give you... RoboStaff 2
*RoboStaff 2 appears, flexing it's mechanical muscles. The audience is in awe, all except Stryke*
Stryke - Arrrrgh! That's it, ®eDdY²°°2, the thing I was telling you about!
®eDdY²°°2 - Um, OK. I think it's time for your medication...
Tony - This city has a cancer, the cancer is hate. Even with the death of Lord H, this highly addictive drug is still on our streets. That is the job of RoboStaff 2 here, to find every last warehouse and destroy them! Especially the ones where they make hate! Now, for no particular reason, I will show you some hate!
*Tony produces a canister full of hate*
Tony - This is from my private stash. There is enough hate here to addict a man the size of that bloke from Pop Idol... Gimme, gimme, gimme!
*Tony starts trying to drink the canister*
Hybrid Valves - *cough* Sir!
Tony - Oh, yeah, right. Well, with RoboStaff 2 here, this drug will soon be a thing of the past.... pity, really
*RoboStaff 2 is fixated with the canister, and tries to grab it*
Tony - Hey, this is mine! Mine!
*he hits the robot with a stick*
Tony - What's wrong with it?!
fido dido - Don't worry, it's not even armed!
*RoboStaff 2 starts shooting at people in the audience*
fido dido - Whoops, knew I forgot to add SOMETHING to it's programming...
Tony - Do something!
Fido dido - Hmm, there was something else I forgot to add too... an off button
Stryke - That thing is a killer! It tried to kill me when I was making an illegal deal with some drug dealer- Wo-ho! I mean, um, I saw it on one of those awful Channel 5 programmes about serial killers!
*The crowd are crawling all over each other, trying to escape the slaughter. RoboStaff steps in*
RoboStaff - Lord H? Let's step outside! (pause) You are Lord H, aren't you?
*RoboStaff 2 starts sprinting towards him*
RoboStaff - Wait, what was I thinking? This guy is HUGE!
*RoboStaff 2 leaps on him, and they start wrestling around. RoboStaff 2 starts banging RoboStaff's head off the floor*
RoboStaff - Ow, ow, ow, ow... Stop that! It hurts!
*RoboStaff pokes RoboStaff 2 in the eye, and he gets off him*
fido dido - *shouting* You, get out of here! You're too old for this job! Go get a pension book!
*The two RoboStaffs smash through some concrete walls, and end up on the roof of SR towers*
RoboStaff - Man, Tony is gonna kill me for all this damage...
*RoboStaff 2 charges at him. RoboStaff takes a step sideways and sticks his metallic foot out*
RoboStaff - Age before beauty
*RoboStaff 2 trips up and goes sailing over the barrier, crashing down on the floor below. RoboStaff climbs down and walks over to the huge beast*
RoboStaff - Ha! Got you, sucka!
*The large robot starts to get up as SR staff arrive on the scene. It climbs to it's feet and looks around, angrily*
RoboStaff - Um, he did it!
*he points to Brad*
Brad - Hey, what's going on, I just got here-
*Brad gets shot to heck by RoboStaff 2*
schroeder - Snuggly?! What's going on?
*the staff are firing at RoboStaff 2*
RoboStaff - Oh, nothing, just dealing with old giant killing machine here. How are you?
schroeder - I'm good, thanks... Um, shouldn't we do something?
RoboStaff - Yeah, you're right. We should justify our huge salaries
*They run inside and grab the canister of hate, then come back out*
shcroeder - *whistles* Here, boy! Come and get it! Come on! Mmm, hate, yummy!
*RoboStaff 2 stops maiming the SR staff and walks towards the canister in schroeder's hands*
RoboStaff 2 - Mmm... haaaaaate *drools*
*RoboStaff leaps onto his back from behind and starts punching him in the head. RoboStaff 2 starts trying to shake him off*
RoboStaff - Where's the bloomin' off button?!!
schroeder - Go for the brain!
RoboStaff - Lord H has a brain?
*he rips at a large panel and pulls out a brain in a jam jar. RoboStaff 2 is going haywire*
RoboStaff - What now?
schroeder - Smash it!
RoboStaff - Oh, right...
*he climbs down and smashes the jam jar. Lord H's brains splatter on the floor and all over RoboStaff*
RoboStaff - Urgh, I just had this thing dry cleaned!
*RoboStaff 2 shudders, then collapses in a big heap on the floor*
schroeder - We did it! Hurrah!
*Tony comes down*
Tony - Aha! My hate! Yoink!
*he grabs the canister and runs off to Hybrid Valves*
Hybrid Valves - This is bad, sir. So many dead and wounded
Tony - No benefits for any of the families. Oh, and we need to blame this on someone
Hybrid Valves - How about fido dido? After all, she did choose the brain
Tony - Excellent idea! Strip her of her staff status, maker her a regular. If anyone ever asks, we never heard of fido dido!
*They leave*
schroeder - Grr, they're gonna get away with this, Snuggly!
RoboStaff - Don't worry, he'll get his just-desserts some day. After all, we're only human
schroeder - What the heck does that mean?
RoboStaff - It's meant to be the closing line of the spoof, shut up!
schroeder - Oh, sorry
RoboStaff - I'll have to do a new one now... um... "To-rock-oh"
*THE END*
*Scene 1*
(badly composed news theme which sounds like it's coming out of a mobile phone) - dun dun dun dun DUUUUN! It's the 6 o'clock news and/or webcast! And here are your newsreaders... two random blokes!
Newsreader 1 - Hello, and welcome to the news. And if you're a nerd who's stumbled upon this during the never ending search for porn, welcome to the webcast. I'm some random bloke
Newsreader 2 - I too, am a random bloke. And proud of it
Newsreader 1 - Indeed you are. Now, today's headlines. Meka Dragon's previous record of 192 GAD wins has been smashed by ShadowDragon, who won his 193rd GAD today. Tony is said to be devastated at how much these records are costing him. Also, Prime Minister Stryke was found unconscious at a lapdancing club last night. It is believed he passed out with his head stuffed down a stripper's cleavage. The stripper, known only as Mystique, commented through her lawyer - "I thought he liked it down there." Stryke is recovering in an SHS (Stryke's Health Service) hospital today. On related news, today he celebrates his 10th year in office, making him the longest running PM in British history. Rumours that he has his opponents assassinated are still unproven.
Newsreader 2 - In other news, dreaded "hate" pusher Lord H has once again evaded the SR police, after a deadly shoot out. His group, known only as "The Haters" who supply the highly addictive drug "hate", released this video -
*Lord H appears, looking stoned*
Lord H - I, like... hate you all. And stuff...
*Back to the newsreaders*
Newsreader 1 - Oh, we here at Channel 92 hate him so much, and advise all viewers to hate him also
Newsreader 2 - Yes, please give in to pier pressure and hate him. In other news, more members of SR walked out today, over arguments with Tony about the uniform. They claim pink cat suits to be humiliating. And now a word from our sponsors
*Advert*
Bill Gates - Please buy my X-Box... PLEASE! The sharks are circling... My wife has left me! Please, someone, ANYONE, buy an X-Box! They're only £9.99 now, come on! The Playstation 6 costs £10,000!
*he nervously takes a draw from his cigarette*
Bill Gates - Come on, what do I have to do? Dance?
*he starts a pathetic dance*
*Back to the newsreaders*
Newsreader 2 - Ha ha ha ha... that Gatesy... he'll slay us all
*The webcast is turned off*
Goatboy - What a waste of my time, I could've been watching porn instead of that!
*Scene 2*
*The streets of Bristol. They are covered in rubbish, with homeless people everywhere*
CDouch - Come on! Fight! Go on, I'll give you a bottle of vodka!
*Crime is rampant, what with more and more SR staff going on strike. Several newbies are smashing up the Bristol branch of SR*
taz 47 - Ha ha! This is so much fun! Smash! Crash!
tinchi - Gimme those Bob The Builder DVDs!
The Playman - Where are the Shakira CDs?!
CuBeRuLeZ - Hey... what's that sound?
taz 47 - I don't hear anything...
tinchi - All I can hear is Bob The Builder... *he hums the tune*
CuBeRuLeZ - No... it sounds like a siren
The Playman - Can't be! The filth are on strike!
taz 47 - They are? Doesn't he mind?
CuBeRuLeZ - No, look, it IS a staff car!
*An SR staff car pulls up next to them. The door opens and RoboStaff steps out*
tinchi - Argh! A monster!
taz 47 - No, that's RoboStaff, leg it!
tinchi - RoboStaff? What's that?
*They all stop*
CuBeRuLeZ - You mean you've never heard of him?
tinchi - No... should I have?
The Playman - He kills newbies!
taz 47 - He stamps out spamming!
CuBeRuLeZ - He helps old ladies cross the road!
tinchi - Nope, doesn't ring a bell
RoboStaff - While you lot have been talking, I've already put you all in handcuffs
taz 47 - Oh great! Another fine mess you've got us into!
*Scene 3*
*SR towers, somewhere in England. Tony is talking with Hybrid Valves and fido dido*
Tony - How's the strike going?
Hybrid Valves - Just as you thought it would, sir. The city is tearing itself apart, and the government owes us more money than ever. Soon Stryke will sell us the city at a stupidly low price, and we can begin building SR city
Tony - Excellent. And what of our RoboStaff 2 project?
Hybrid Valves - The inferior sequel we're making?
Tony - No, the new cyborg
Hybrid Valves - Oh, yeah, right. Well here we have fido dido, she can show you the videos of them, but I must warn you, it isn't good news.
*fido dido uses a remote to turn on a TV in the corner*
Tony - Argh! It's hideous!
fido dido - No, that's our technician, Bob
*On the screen, a big robot appears and the technicians step back*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-1.jpg
RoboStaff 2.1 - I am RoboStaff. Please insert porn
Tony - Why does it have a six pac?
Fido dido - We're trying to appeal to the female audience out there
*the cyborg explodes. The video skips to the next day. Another cyborg appears*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-2.jpg
RoboStaff 2.2 - I am RoboStaff. Now where did I leave my gun?
Tony - The SR logo is in a funny place
fido dido - Yes, the lab boys left that in as a joke
Tony - Has rather large arms, doesn't he?
fido dido - Yes, we nicknamed him Mr Ban Hands
*the cyborg explodes. fido dido turns the video off*
Tony - Total failures! Why can't we reproduce what happened with Snuggly?
fido dido - I just don't think the candidates were good enough. With Snuggly, we can control him with booze. We need someone else we can control... and I think Lord H is the perfect candidate
Hybrid Valves - Lord H?! He's one of the most hate-filled people around! Literally! He's stuffed to the gills with that hate drugs he makes!
fido dido - Exactly! We can use the hate substance to control him! Just as vodka controls Snuggly! Of course... to do this we'd need to bypass certain European laws...
Tony - Europe?! Pft! What have they ever done for us? Do whatever is necessary, fido, we need a new RoboStaff for SR city! Snuggly is getting rusty...
*Scene 4*
*RoboStaff and shcroeder are driving around in their staff car*
schroeder - Man, this place is a warzone! Why would Tony let us go on strike? He's lucky he has dedicated staff members like me and you who care about their jobs
RoboStaff - Speak for yourself, I tried walking out and they shocked me with a cattle prod
schroeder - Oh... well, I guess they want you around, after all, you ARE the best spammer basher
RoboStaff - I don't care about spammers... I care about Lord H!
schroeder - Really? I thought they erased all your homosexual tendencies?
RoboStaff - Not THAT kind of caring! I care that he's spreading hate throughout the forums! I say we go kill him!
schroeder - OK... but, um, how do we find his secret hideout?
RoboStaff - Oh, look, there it is!
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-3.jpg
*schroeder turns down the path leading to the hideout and they speed towards the building. They park outside and both get out*
RoboStaff - Wait here, I'll be back
schroeder - Um, Snuggly? Wrong film
RoboStaff - Oh, yeah, right... What do I normally say when I go somewhere?
schroeder - "Here, hold my hotdog"
*Inside the building, RoboStaff sees the production line of "hate", with Lord H and Insane Bartender overseeing things*
Lord H - Ha ha! I feel so good about myself by putting other people down and making them feel bad! Makes me feel like a real man!
Insane Bartender - Yeah, me too!
Lord H - Quiet, fool, only I may gloat
RoboStaff - Freeze, dirtbags!
*They turn around to see RoboStaff pointing his cannon sized gun at them*
Lord H - Ha! I am not afraid! Your bullets can never kill me! I am EVIL!
RoboStaff - One way to find out
*RoboStaff fires*
Lord H - (screaming like a girl) Argh! Help me!
*He pulls Insane Bartender in front of him, using him as a human shield. He drops the corpse onto the floor*
Lord H - Ha ha! See? I am invincible!
RoboStaff - Plenty more bullets where that came from!
Lord H - Mummy!!
*RoboStaff fires again, the shots rip into Lord H*
Lord H - But I'm a funning demon!
*He collapses on the floor, on top of Insane Bartender*
Insane Bartender - Hey, watch it! I'm dead here!
*Scene 5*
*Stryke's office*
Stryke - So we're TOTALLY broke?
RM18 - Yay, I'm in a spoof! I mean, um, yes sir! And your popularity is going downhill thanks to the staff strike
Stryke - Curse that Tony! We need to get money somehow, any suggestions?
Solskjær - How about another sponsored strip? You got a lot of money from Wales last time you did that
Stryke - Na, that was just my mother... We need something GOOD!
AfroJoe - Sir, I have someone on the phone for you, they say it's important
Stryke - *taking the phone* Is this about those parking tickets? Look, I told you, someone must have painted that extra yellow line on after I left my mini there! (pause) Yes, that's me... You what? You want to give us £5 million? Why, that's very nice of you... can I just ask... are you currently incarcerated in a mental institution? You're not? Why that's just great then! OK, we'll meet at the creepy old warehouse. OK, see you soon... *he hangs up* Someone wants to donate £5 million! Quick, let's go!
*Everyone rushes out, except El Swandre, who takes out his mobile phone*
El Swandre - Hello, Tony? This is El Swandre, the PM is about to make a deal to get five mill, just thought I'd let you know. Yes, sir, they're meeting at the creepy old warehouse. Why, thank you, sir, yes, I am a sleazy grass, aren't I?
*Scene 6*
*The creepy warehouse. Stryke's mini pulls up outside and he and his staff clamber out*
Stryke - OK, ®eDdY²°°2, you wait here. Afro, Sol, you're with me
*They go inside. Insane Bartender is sat at a table*
Stryke - Aren't you dead?
Insane Bartender - I thought this was the sequel... anyway, we're not here to discuss plot holes, let's talk about the money
Stryke - Any time is a good time to talk about money! So... why do you want to help me out?
Insane Bartender - Now that Lord H is gone, I'm the most hate filled and evil forum user around, and I figure if I cut a deal with the Prime Minister, I can make my business go even further. So, what do you say, I'll give you the £5 million you need to pay off SR so you don't have to sell them this city, and you get SR off my back when I start dealing hate again... deal?
Stryke - Yeah, alright. A little hate never hurt anyone. I used to bash people on the forums too. Deal!
*The huge doors burst open, and a giant mechanical machine enters*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/robostaff2-4.jpg
Insane Bartender - Friend of yours?
Stryke - ®eDdY²°°2, is that you?
*The robot lifts it's arm and a rather large gun appears. It starts shooting at everyone around the table*
Stryke - Argh! AfroJoe, do something!
*AfroJoe collapses on the floor, dead*
Stryke - Solskjær?
*Solskjær slides down the wall, dead*
Stryke - Oh great!
*Stryke ducks behind the table as Insane Bartender's cronies shoot back at the lumbering monster, which kills them one by one*
Insane Bartender - You're ruining my party! I just washed that floor, look, you're getting blood all over it!
*The robot shoots him*
Insane Bartender - Not again!
*He drops to the floor, curdling blood, just as Stryke makes a run for the doors. He escapes into his mini*
*Scene 7*
*SR towers. Tony is holding a party to celebrate the buying of the city by SR. Tony is speaking at the podium*
Tony - I've had this dream for quite some time... where I'm surrounded by naked chicks and-
Hybrid Valves - *cough* Sir!
Tony - Oh, right, the OTHER dream. Yes, the other dream - Special Reserve City. A safe city, with no newbies, no spammers, and no crime. A city with thousands of jobs, a city which is safe and violence free. And to help make this dream a reality, I give you... RoboStaff 2
*RoboStaff 2 appears, flexing it's mechanical muscles. The audience is in awe, all except Stryke*
Stryke - Arrrrgh! That's it, ®eDdY²°°2, the thing I was telling you about!
®eDdY²°°2 - Um, OK. I think it's time for your medication...
Tony - This city has a cancer, the cancer is hate. Even with the death of Lord H, this highly addictive drug is still on our streets. That is the job of RoboStaff 2 here, to find every last warehouse and destroy them! Especially the ones where they make hate! Now, for no particular reason, I will show you some hate!
*Tony produces a canister full of hate*
Tony - This is from my private stash. There is enough hate here to addict a man the size of that bloke from Pop Idol... Gimme, gimme, gimme!
*Tony starts trying to drink the canister*
Hybrid Valves - *cough* Sir!
Tony - Oh, yeah, right. Well, with RoboStaff 2 here, this drug will soon be a thing of the past.... pity, really
*RoboStaff 2 is fixated with the canister, and tries to grab it*
Tony - Hey, this is mine! Mine!
*he hits the robot with a stick*
Tony - What's wrong with it?!
fido dido - Don't worry, it's not even armed!
*RoboStaff 2 starts shooting at people in the audience*
fido dido - Whoops, knew I forgot to add SOMETHING to it's programming...
Tony - Do something!
Fido dido - Hmm, there was something else I forgot to add too... an off button
Stryke - That thing is a killer! It tried to kill me when I was making an illegal deal with some drug dealer- Wo-ho! I mean, um, I saw it on one of those awful Channel 5 programmes about serial killers!
*The crowd are crawling all over each other, trying to escape the slaughter. RoboStaff steps in*
RoboStaff - Lord H? Let's step outside! (pause) You are Lord H, aren't you?
*RoboStaff 2 starts sprinting towards him*
RoboStaff - Wait, what was I thinking? This guy is HUGE!
*RoboStaff 2 leaps on him, and they start wrestling around. RoboStaff 2 starts banging RoboStaff's head off the floor*
RoboStaff - Ow, ow, ow, ow... Stop that! It hurts!
*RoboStaff pokes RoboStaff 2 in the eye, and he gets off him*
fido dido - *shouting* You, get out of here! You're too old for this job! Go get a pension book!
*The two RoboStaffs smash through some concrete walls, and end up on the roof of SR towers*
RoboStaff - Man, Tony is gonna kill me for all this damage...
*RoboStaff 2 charges at him. RoboStaff takes a step sideways and sticks his metallic foot out*
RoboStaff - Age before beauty
*RoboStaff 2 trips up and goes sailing over the barrier, crashing down on the floor below. RoboStaff climbs down and walks over to the huge beast*
RoboStaff - Ha! Got you, sucka!
*The large robot starts to get up as SR staff arrive on the scene. It climbs to it's feet and looks around, angrily*
RoboStaff - Um, he did it!
*he points to Brad*
Brad - Hey, what's going on, I just got here-
*Brad gets shot to heck by RoboStaff 2*
schroeder - Snuggly?! What's going on?
*the staff are firing at RoboStaff 2*
RoboStaff - Oh, nothing, just dealing with old giant killing machine here. How are you?
schroeder - I'm good, thanks... Um, shouldn't we do something?
RoboStaff - Yeah, you're right. We should justify our huge salaries
*They run inside and grab the canister of hate, then come back out*
shcroeder - *whistles* Here, boy! Come and get it! Come on! Mmm, hate, yummy!
*RoboStaff 2 stops maiming the SR staff and walks towards the canister in schroeder's hands*
RoboStaff 2 - Mmm... haaaaaate *drools*
*RoboStaff leaps onto his back from behind and starts punching him in the head. RoboStaff 2 starts trying to shake him off*
RoboStaff - Where's the bloomin' off button?!!
schroeder - Go for the brain!
RoboStaff - Lord H has a brain?
*he rips at a large panel and pulls out a brain in a jam jar. RoboStaff 2 is going haywire*
RoboStaff - What now?
schroeder - Smash it!
RoboStaff - Oh, right...
*he climbs down and smashes the jam jar. Lord H's brains splatter on the floor and all over RoboStaff*
RoboStaff - Urgh, I just had this thing dry cleaned!
*RoboStaff 2 shudders, then collapses in a big heap on the floor*
schroeder - We did it! Hurrah!
*Tony comes down*
Tony - Aha! My hate! Yoink!
*he grabs the canister and runs off to Hybrid Valves*
Hybrid Valves - This is bad, sir. So many dead and wounded
Tony - No benefits for any of the families. Oh, and we need to blame this on someone
Hybrid Valves - How about fido dido? After all, she did choose the brain
Tony - Excellent idea! Strip her of her staff status, maker her a regular. If anyone ever asks, we never heard of fido dido!
*They leave*
schroeder - Grr, they're gonna get away with this, Snuggly!
RoboStaff - Don't worry, he'll get his just-desserts some day. After all, we're only human
schroeder - What the heck does that mean?
RoboStaff - It's meant to be the closing line of the spoof, shut up!
schroeder - Oh, sorry
RoboStaff - I'll have to do a new one now... um... "To-rock-oh"
*THE END*
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Rakuga wrote:
> Mojo advertises all the time in other posts. Why can't I? :/
linx - because i said so.
why not read the spoof in chat named staff speices.
i know you'll all love it
*holds up a board with the wed adress on it and smiles at the camera*
Director - and cut
*linx stops smiling*
linx -god i hate all this publisity cr*p!
Director - the camera's still rolling
linx - dawn it!
> Mojo advertises all the time in other posts. Why can't I? :/
linx - because i said so.
why not read the spoof in chat named staff speices.
i know you'll all love it
*holds up a board with the wed adress on it and smiles at the camera*
Director - and cut
*linx stops smiling*
linx -god i hate all this publisity cr*p!
Director - the camera's still rolling
linx - dawn it!
AfroJoe wrote:
> None of you get killed off in my spoofs!
>
> I don't have any spoofs!!!
>
> *Runs off cackling*
*pulls out a sniper riffle loaded with a sleeping dart*
spoof this!
*he shoots and afrojoe falls to the ground in a deep slumber*
come on boys, you know what to do
*pulls out a razor*
this'll teach him to run off cackling...
> None of you get killed off in my spoofs!
>
> I don't have any spoofs!!!
>
> *Runs off cackling*
*pulls out a sniper riffle loaded with a sleeping dart*
spoof this!
*he shoots and afrojoe falls to the ground in a deep slumber*
come on boys, you know what to do
*pulls out a razor*
this'll teach him to run off cackling...
None of you get killed off in my spoofs!
I don't have any spoofs!!!
*Runs off cackling*
I don't have any spoofs!!!
*Runs off cackling*
Linx wrote:
> stop trying to advertise your spoof on others peoples spoofs!
Mojo advertises all the time in other posts. Why can't I? :/
> stop trying to advertise your spoof on others peoples spoofs!
Mojo advertises all the time in other posts. Why can't I? :/
Rakuga wrote:
> Brad you're in my spoof, and you don't get killed off. You're just
> portrayed as stupid ;-)
stop trying to advertise your spoof on others peoples spoofs!
any way, brad in my spoof you become a women
(only joking Rakuga)
> Brad you're in my spoof, and you don't get killed off. You're just
> portrayed as stupid ;-)
stop trying to advertise your spoof on others peoples spoofs!
any way, brad in my spoof you become a women
(only joking Rakuga)
Heh great spoof MoJo cool robots to.
And thanks for kind of including me :)
And thanks for kind of including me :)
*sighs*
There's always one actor who thinks he deserves one of those chairs with a big star on it!
Never work with children, animals, or SR staff ;)
There's always one actor who thinks he deserves one of those chairs with a big star on it!
Never work with children, animals, or SR staff ;)
brad@specialreserve wrote:
> I clearly got killed off too soon :(
-------
What, you had one or two lines before you got splattered all over the road.... ;)
> I clearly got killed off too soon :(
-------
What, you had one or two lines before you got splattered all over the road.... ;)
Brad you're in my spoof, and you don't get killed off. You're just portrayed as stupid ;-)
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