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“Go on then,” I said encouragingly.
“No, I can’t,” I replied.
“Why not?” I questioned.
“You know...she’ll think it’s weird. Me going up to her and talking for no reason.” I answered nervously.
“You do that with your friends all the time!”
“She’s not a friend!”
“Oh no, of course she’s not. You’re just madly in love with her,” I said sarcastically.
“Doesn’t mean she is.” I retorted...sadly.
“You know she likes you!”
“Not really, she’s just been friendly whenever we’ve sat together.”
“Why would she sit next to you then?” I asked cleverly.
“Because she was moved there!” I replied, revealing the awful truth.
“Doesn’t mean she didn’t want to sit next to you.”
Damn...I can be so stupidly stubborn sometimes.
“Doesn’t mean she did.”
I can be pretty unconfident sometimes too.
“Look, you know she’s not going to think you’re stupid!” I said, getting a bit tired of myself.
“Why is that then?” I asked, knowing time was running out.
“She’s different from most of the others. She hangs around with anyone, not just the ‘hard’ ones.”
“I know!” I said, frustrated.
“Well go talk to her then!” I shouted, thinking I might have finally got through to myself.
“Well...I suppose...no! No, I can’t, if I totally humiliate myself she’ll never talk to me again.”
“Argh!” I cried in annoyance. “Listen...you’re a cool guy, you know that. You’re not exactly ugly, and you’ve got a nice personality. You know that, you haven’t got an enemy in the world!”
“Yeah, but...I’m on my own over here, why doesn’t she come over and talk to me?”
“You know, she might be having the exact same conversation with herself that you are now.”
“I don’t think so, she’s more confident than that.”
I sighed. I just couldn’t make myself do it...
“Okay, look...I know that mentally, you are stronger than me, and for me to get through something really great has to happen. But I have a presence too...you know that feeling you get when you’re lonely? That’s me, telling you need to talk someone. Being alone hurts me. Remember the fantastic times you spent with Grace when you were together? That was me...and you loved it. Why not do what I say now? Go on...otherwise you might never know.”
I thought about what I’d just said. I suppose there’d be no harm in it...you never know, it might turn out okay.
I gulped, and replied,” you better be right. Okay then, I’ll...”
My voice trailed off as he walked over and hugged her. Too late now.
“Oh, great. If you’d listened to me earlier then you would’ve done it! But now look...he’s back over there with her, doing what you should be doing. Talking to her, with no problems whatsoever.” I said, extremely angry.
“Ah well, there’s always next time,” I replied smugly, but feeling depressed inside.
“If I’m supposed to be the strong, confident part...why do you always win?” I asked myself.
“I dunno. Blame it on mum, I got it from her.”
I turned and walked away from the girl I love, and saw another girl with a dry personality but a fine body.
“Hey...why don’t you go ask her if she’ll spend the night with you?” I asked myself jokingly, already knowing the answer.
“Agh, just go away,” I retorted.
“Heh, doesn’t make a change,” I said a little sadly, before heading home.
If some advice would help you, though i'm not sure you really need it, mine would be:
Don't take second best. It'll never be enough.
And, If you tell her how you feel, or at least make a move, things will probably never be the same as they are now. Either she'll tell you she feels the same, and it'll all work out, or she'll basically tell you to f off, but at least you'll know. Either way, at least you'll know, and you'll be able to cut the voices out. On this issue at least.
Of course, it's easier said than done. I've failed to do anything before now, not particularly to protect what 'we' had before opening up, but because i bottled it.
Easier said than done.
“Go on then,” I said encouragingly.
“No, I can’t,” I replied.
“Why not?” I questioned.
“You know...she’ll think it’s weird. Me going up to her and talking for no reason.” I answered nervously.
“You do that with your friends all the time!”
“She’s not a friend!”
“Oh no, of course she’s not. You’re just madly in love with her,” I said sarcastically.
“Doesn’t mean she is.” I retorted...sadly.
“You know she likes you!”
“Not really, she’s just been friendly whenever we’ve sat together.”
“Why would she sit next to you then?” I asked cleverly.
“Because she was moved there!” I replied, revealing the awful truth.
“Doesn’t mean she didn’t want to sit next to you.”
Damn...I can be so stupidly stubborn sometimes.
“Doesn’t mean she did.”
I can be pretty unconfident sometimes too.
“Look, you know she’s not going to think you’re stupid!” I said, getting a bit tired of myself.
“Why is that then?” I asked, knowing time was running out.
“She’s different from most of the others. She hangs around with anyone, not just the ‘hard’ ones.”
“I know!” I said, frustrated.
“Well go talk to her then!” I shouted, thinking I might have finally got through to myself.
“Well...I suppose...no! No, I can’t, if I totally humiliate myself she’ll never talk to me again.”
“Argh!” I cried in annoyance. “Listen...you’re a cool guy, you know that. You’re not exactly ugly, and you’ve got a nice personality. You know that, you haven’t got an enemy in the world!”
“Yeah, but...I’m on my own over here, why doesn’t she come over and talk to me?”
“You know, she might be having the exact same conversation with herself that you are now.”
“I don’t think so, she’s more confident than that.”
I sighed. I just couldn’t make myself do it...
“Okay, look...I know that mentally, you are stronger than me, and for me to get through something really great has to happen. But I have a presence too...you know that feeling you get when you’re lonely? That’s me, telling you need to talk someone. Being alone hurts me. Remember the fantastic times you spent with Grace when you were together? That was me...and you loved it. Why not do what I say now? Go on...otherwise you might never know.”
I thought about what I’d just said. I suppose there’d be no harm in it...you never know, it might turn out okay.
I gulped, and replied,” you better be right. Okay then, I’ll...”
My voice trailed off as he walked over and hugged her. Too late now.
“Oh, great. If you’d listened to me earlier then you would’ve done it! But now look...he’s back over there with her, doing what you should be doing. Talking to her, with no problems whatsoever.” I said, extremely angry.
“Ah well, there’s always next time,” I replied smugly, but feeling depressed inside.
“If I’m supposed to be the strong, confident part...why do you always win?” I asked myself.
“I dunno. Blame it on mum, I got it from her.”
I turned and walked away from the girl I love, and saw another girl with a dry personality but a fine body.
“Hey...why don’t you go ask her if she’ll spend the night with you?” I asked myself jokingly, already knowing the answer.
“Agh, just go away,” I retorted.
“Heh, doesn’t make a change,” I said a little sadly, before heading home.