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Anyone that's not seen "Would Like To Meet" on BBC2 on a Wednesday night might be fooled into thinking it's a tacky makeover show. Anyone that has seen it will realise it's a source of huge laughs, featuiring some of the sadest individuals ever to be placed on this earth. Men in their 30's that have never kissed women before, women with 80's haircuts. Top stuff. Anyway, here's what would happen if Mario appeared...
Hi, and welcome to the show that turns someone into the kind of person that you....Would Like To Meet.
This week a plumber from the Mushroom Kingdom is asking for the help of our experts, stylist Jay Hunt, flirtation and body language expert Tracey Cox and conversation and confidence coach, Jeremy Milnes.
First off, let's send Mario on a dummy date, have a look at how he does, see what he needs to work on. We'll sens Pauline into the restaurant as his date.
Pauline walks into the restaurant, dressed for a night out, she sees Mario waiting at the table, dressed in his typical blue dungarees, with red undersuit, and matching hat. Pauline sits at the table and introduces herself.
Mario replies "It's a me, Mario" He then gets up, and runs around the table, going "Woooh!". The experts watching on the hidded cameras hold their heads in their hands.
Come the end of the date, the team speak to Pauline.
"So Pauline, how did you feel Mario was as a date."
"Not good. To begin with he was dressed like a child, and he was a little hyperactive. When the waiter brought my dessert over, he backflipped over the table."
"Oh dear. Well how about his manners, and his conversation?" Well, all he wanted to eat was mushrooms, he kept saying that they made him big. He did talk about some interesting subjects, but they were complete fantasy, I mean, what kind of plumber hangs around with Princesses, and dinosaurs?"
"Okay, thanks Pauline, looks like we've got our work cut out here team...."
First to try to help Mario is stylist Jay Hunt...
"So, Mario, let's take a look in your wardrobe"
"Okey dokey!" said Mario, before runnign up the wall, flipping over, and opening the wardrobe doors.
"what the hell is that?"
"That's a my a racoon-a suit-a. I wore it in a Super Mario Bros 3."
"Oh. My. God. Please tell me you don't actually wear that cape...?"
"It a makes me fly!"
"No Mario, take a look at the clothes I've got you here, they'll make you pretty fly, for a plumbing guy. See these? They're jeans. Put them on. Try this t-shirt with them too."
Mario pops on the clothes, then looks in the mirror, puzzled. "Can I still wear my hat?"
"No, Mario, no you can't. If you insist on head-wear, try a baseball cap. Certainly not that hat with the rabbit ears...."
Mario's dressed in his casuals, as recommended by Jay as he goes to see Tracey fro some tips when it comes to flirting.
"Wow Mario, you're certainly looking better!" says Tracey.
"It's a me! Mario!" says Mario in response, before jumping into the wall and kicking away from it with a "Woooh!"
"Now this is the kind of thing we ahve to talk about Mario. All of this jumps and flips and 'wooh's are just giving off the wrong impression altogether. It makes you look like you're a sandwich short of a picnic, and not the kind of guy that any girl would like to meet. It's good that you have plenty of energy, but you're best to save it, and use it for other things."
"Like fighting Bowser?"
"No Mario, no, not at all. We're going to walk through this zoo now, and I want you to just make eye contact with some girls, and smile at them. Don't do any more than that."
30 minutes later...
"Mario, you're doing a good job, but it's time to take it to the next stage. I want you to go up to those girls there, and ask what the animal is behind the fence."
"Okey Dokey" Said Mario, breaking into a sprint.
"And Mario. Walk!" Shouts Tracey.
As Mario approaches the fence, he stops, startled.
"Mario?" asks Tracey, walking towards him, but too late. Mario jumps into the air, and over the fence, landing on the tortoise on the other side, flipping it over. The watching girls cover their mouths in shock, just as Mario boots the tortiose, (now hiding within it's shell into the air.
"Mariooooo!" Calls Tracey. "What the hell are you doing?"
"It was a Koopa Troopa"
"No, it was a tortoise, for Christ's sake. Look , just concentrate on the eye contact and the smiling for now."
Next on Mario's agenda is a meeting with conversation and confidence coach Jeremy Milnes.
"So Mario, I don't think confidence is a problem of yours..."
"It's a me. Mario!" Interupts Mario.
"Yes, I know who you are. What we've got...hang on, you didn't jump, fly or backflip! Tracey did a good job on you! Anyway, what we need to look at is your accent, and conversational skills."
"What's a wrong a with my a accent a?"
"Well Mario, have you ever been to Italy?"
"Of course, I'm-a an Italian-a!"
"Mario, be honest. You've never been to Italy, have you."
"No"
"So you don't really have to speak like that, do you?"
"Nah, don't s'pose I do."
"Good, good. Now, conversational skills. Any chance you can drop all of this talk about Princesses and great adventures? How about you talk about some of your hobbies, what else do you like to do?"
"Well I like toplay tennis, and golf"
"Well that's a start, have you played anyone good?"
"Donkey Kong's not bad!"
Jeremy holds his head in his hands "Okay, don't mention your opponents. Any other hobbies?"
"Karting!"
"Excellent, that'll make you sound exciting!"
"Yep, I even race around Bowser's castle."
At this point Jeremy gets up and leaves.
4 weeks later.
"Well gang" says Jay to Tracey and Jeremy "It looks like we've done the impossible. He's dressing smartly, he's less hyperactive, and he can hold a normal conversation. He's got a date with a girl named Peach tonight, let's watch him to see how he get's on.
The experts sit and watch the footage coming in from the hidden cameras.
They see Mario's head appear in the corner, as he comes into view they notice he's carrying something.
"Oh look, he's brough some flowers with him!" Says Tracey
"How sweet" says Jay.
"Um, why the hell is he eating them?" Asks Jeremy
"What?"
Suddenly they notice that mario is back in his old style clothing. To make matters worse he then proceeds to jump onto the table with a "woooh!" and throw fireballs at the waiters hats.
"They were Goombas!" he says, befor easuming the two fingered victory position.
Everyone else in the restaurant looks on in shock, the experts are tearing at their hair and weeping and the sound of sirens grows ever louder...
Hi, and welcome to the show that turns someone into the kind of person that you....Would Like To Meet.
This week a plumber from the Mushroom Kingdom is asking for the help of our experts, stylist Jay Hunt, flirtation and body language expert Tracey Cox and conversation and confidence coach, Jeremy Milnes.
First off, let's send Mario on a dummy date, have a look at how he does, see what he needs to work on. We'll sens Pauline into the restaurant as his date.
Pauline walks into the restaurant, dressed for a night out, she sees Mario waiting at the table, dressed in his typical blue dungarees, with red undersuit, and matching hat. Pauline sits at the table and introduces herself.
Mario replies "It's a me, Mario" He then gets up, and runs around the table, going "Woooh!". The experts watching on the hidded cameras hold their heads in their hands.
Come the end of the date, the team speak to Pauline.
"So Pauline, how did you feel Mario was as a date."
"Not good. To begin with he was dressed like a child, and he was a little hyperactive. When the waiter brought my dessert over, he backflipped over the table."
"Oh dear. Well how about his manners, and his conversation?" Well, all he wanted to eat was mushrooms, he kept saying that they made him big. He did talk about some interesting subjects, but they were complete fantasy, I mean, what kind of plumber hangs around with Princesses, and dinosaurs?"
"Okay, thanks Pauline, looks like we've got our work cut out here team...."
First to try to help Mario is stylist Jay Hunt...
"So, Mario, let's take a look in your wardrobe"
"Okey dokey!" said Mario, before runnign up the wall, flipping over, and opening the wardrobe doors.
"what the hell is that?"
"That's a my a racoon-a suit-a. I wore it in a Super Mario Bros 3."
"Oh. My. God. Please tell me you don't actually wear that cape...?"
"It a makes me fly!"
"No Mario, take a look at the clothes I've got you here, they'll make you pretty fly, for a plumbing guy. See these? They're jeans. Put them on. Try this t-shirt with them too."
Mario pops on the clothes, then looks in the mirror, puzzled. "Can I still wear my hat?"
"No, Mario, no you can't. If you insist on head-wear, try a baseball cap. Certainly not that hat with the rabbit ears...."
Mario's dressed in his casuals, as recommended by Jay as he goes to see Tracey fro some tips when it comes to flirting.
"Wow Mario, you're certainly looking better!" says Tracey.
"It's a me! Mario!" says Mario in response, before jumping into the wall and kicking away from it with a "Woooh!"
"Now this is the kind of thing we ahve to talk about Mario. All of this jumps and flips and 'wooh's are just giving off the wrong impression altogether. It makes you look like you're a sandwich short of a picnic, and not the kind of guy that any girl would like to meet. It's good that you have plenty of energy, but you're best to save it, and use it for other things."
"Like fighting Bowser?"
"No Mario, no, not at all. We're going to walk through this zoo now, and I want you to just make eye contact with some girls, and smile at them. Don't do any more than that."
30 minutes later...
"Mario, you're doing a good job, but it's time to take it to the next stage. I want you to go up to those girls there, and ask what the animal is behind the fence."
"Okey Dokey" Said Mario, breaking into a sprint.
"And Mario. Walk!" Shouts Tracey.
As Mario approaches the fence, he stops, startled.
"Mario?" asks Tracey, walking towards him, but too late. Mario jumps into the air, and over the fence, landing on the tortoise on the other side, flipping it over. The watching girls cover their mouths in shock, just as Mario boots the tortiose, (now hiding within it's shell into the air.
"Mariooooo!" Calls Tracey. "What the hell are you doing?"
"It was a Koopa Troopa"
"No, it was a tortoise, for Christ's sake. Look , just concentrate on the eye contact and the smiling for now."
Next on Mario's agenda is a meeting with conversation and confidence coach Jeremy Milnes.
"So Mario, I don't think confidence is a problem of yours..."
"It's a me. Mario!" Interupts Mario.
"Yes, I know who you are. What we've got...hang on, you didn't jump, fly or backflip! Tracey did a good job on you! Anyway, what we need to look at is your accent, and conversational skills."
"What's a wrong a with my a accent a?"
"Well Mario, have you ever been to Italy?"
"Of course, I'm-a an Italian-a!"
"Mario, be honest. You've never been to Italy, have you."
"No"
"So you don't really have to speak like that, do you?"
"Nah, don't s'pose I do."
"Good, good. Now, conversational skills. Any chance you can drop all of this talk about Princesses and great adventures? How about you talk about some of your hobbies, what else do you like to do?"
"Well I like toplay tennis, and golf"
"Well that's a start, have you played anyone good?"
"Donkey Kong's not bad!"
Jeremy holds his head in his hands "Okay, don't mention your opponents. Any other hobbies?"
"Karting!"
"Excellent, that'll make you sound exciting!"
"Yep, I even race around Bowser's castle."
At this point Jeremy gets up and leaves.
4 weeks later.
"Well gang" says Jay to Tracey and Jeremy "It looks like we've done the impossible. He's dressing smartly, he's less hyperactive, and he can hold a normal conversation. He's got a date with a girl named Peach tonight, let's watch him to see how he get's on.
The experts sit and watch the footage coming in from the hidden cameras.
They see Mario's head appear in the corner, as he comes into view they notice he's carrying something.
"Oh look, he's brough some flowers with him!" Says Tracey
"How sweet" says Jay.
"Um, why the hell is he eating them?" Asks Jeremy
"What?"
Suddenly they notice that mario is back in his old style clothing. To make matters worse he then proceeds to jump onto the table with a "woooh!" and throw fireballs at the waiters hats.
"They were Goombas!" he says, befor easuming the two fingered victory position.
Everyone else in the restaurant looks on in shock, the experts are tearing at their hair and weeping and the sound of sirens grows ever louder...
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Very very good.
I've got the urge to go and play the original Game Boy version of Donkey Kong now....
Meka Dragon wrote:
> Edgy wrote:
> Did you purposely use Mario's first girlfriend's name as his first
> date in this brilliant spoof?
>
> (Princess Pauline was the girl Jumpman had to save in Nintendo's
> very
> first videogame - Donkey Kong)
>
> Indeed it was deliberate, I was wondering if anyone would notice.
> :o)
>
> You certainly know your Nintendo!
---
I noticed that too. I've been playing that game a bit recently on my GBA.
It's very good. :D
> Edgy wrote:
> Did you purposely use Mario's first girlfriend's name as his first
> date in this brilliant spoof?
>
> (Princess Pauline was the girl Jumpman had to save in Nintendo's
> very
> first videogame - Donkey Kong)
>
> Indeed it was deliberate, I was wondering if anyone would notice.
> :o)
>
> You certainly know your Nintendo!
---
I noticed that too. I've been playing that game a bit recently on my GBA.
It's very good. :D
Edgy wrote:
> Did you purposely use Mario's first girlfriend's name as his first
> date in this brilliant spoof?
>
> (Princess Pauline was the girl Jumpman had to save in Nintendo's very
> first videogame - Donkey Kong)
Indeed it was deliberate, I was wondering if anyone would notice. :o)
You certainly know your Nintendo!
> Did you purposely use Mario's first girlfriend's name as his first
> date in this brilliant spoof?
>
> (Princess Pauline was the girl Jumpman had to save in Nintendo's very
> first videogame - Donkey Kong)
Indeed it was deliberate, I was wondering if anyone would notice. :o)
You certainly know your Nintendo!
Did you purposely use Mario's first girlfriend's name as his first date in this brilliant spoof?
(Princess Pauline was the girl Jumpman had to save in Nintendo's very first videogame - Donkey Kong)
(Princess Pauline was the girl Jumpman had to save in Nintendo's very first videogame - Donkey Kong)
I haven't laughed so hard in ages, i've reccommended this to some friends on MSN and they agree.
Excellent work.
Excellent work.
God damn that was funny. Well done, I could just about imagine it. I have seen that show to and it is a joke but not as funny as yours.
LMAO! Bloody brilliant!
"When the waiter came with dessert, he backflipped over the table!" was an excellent bit.
:D
Or actually, the whole thing was excellent. I laughed aloud a fair few times!
"When the waiter came with dessert, he backflipped over the table!" was an excellent bit.
:D
Or actually, the whole thing was excellent. I laughed aloud a fair few times!
Page: