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Are you bored with life? Does the same old routine just wear you down until you feel you just can't cope? Does your wife/husband/mistress/lover/ pet monkey never stop nagging your for more of your time?
Well, we have the solution!
Insta-Death is the latest in a huge range of products designed to spice up the last few minutes of your life! Whether or not you feel depressed, angry or simply fed up with the couple upstairs, Insta-Death is the perfect way to end a stressful day!
Picture this - you woke up this morning and realised you were late for work. On arriving at the office/restaurant/brothel you were told that you had been fired in your abcense and you would now be sued for trespassing. On your melancholy march home, you were mocked by teenagers and small children, and shunned by your peers. You are totally isolated in this world - and you feel like starting over. That's where the Insta-Death device comes in!
When you arrive home, you plug in the Insta-Death machine and select your destruction of choice. The machine is pre-programmed with many options - you can simply electrocute yourself (quick and painless), burn yourself (slightly more painful and longwinded) or you can even climb inside the machine to drown yourself (only recommended for those who don't intend to have a change of heart once the lid has been magnetically sealed to prevent leakage)! Even better than this, Insta-Death has been specifically tailored to the individual's needs, allowing you to program in your own methods of self-mutilation! If you want to be chopped in to tiny pieces of twitching meat by spinning saws, all you need is a basic understanding of C++ before you too can be slicing and dicing to your heart's content!
Because, in all likelihood, you will only be using the Insta-Death device once, we want to make sure you have the best possible experience - after all, it's the last good thing that will ever happen to you! Therefore, free of charge, we supply a party of four 'cleaning' robots with the device. After the 'event' has taken place, it is unlikely you will be in any fit state to clean up your apartment/house/basement. Instead, these little electronic housemaids will analyse the carnage in front of them and will then remove any blood/body parts/brain stains from the walls, floor and furniture. They will also incinerate any large portions of meat which may put off potential visitors. This means that you won't ever have to feel guilty about leaving a mess for your mother to find - no stain, no shame!
Obviously, because of the nature of the Insta-Death device, certain aspects of the device's functions may become questionable in a court of law. Therefore, to protect us from being sued for manslaughter by various families, the ----------- Corporation provides a disclaimer for you to sign before the machine can be activated - thereby protecting us from any legal action. It's a small price to pay for eternal happiness, eh?
So what are you waiting for? If you aren't pleased with your present state of existence, try Insta-Death and be reincarnated with a new life, new body and a whole new personality - in fact, a whole new you! Thanks for reading!
-----------------------
Just for the record, this 'advertisement' was intended as a joke and should be read as such. Anyone who has an issue with my references to death, life, the afterlife and reincarnation shouldn't bother complaining. It's humour. Lots of love, Small Frog :D
Well, we have the solution!
Insta-Death is the latest in a huge range of products designed to spice up the last few minutes of your life! Whether or not you feel depressed, angry or simply fed up with the couple upstairs, Insta-Death is the perfect way to end a stressful day!
Picture this - you woke up this morning and realised you were late for work. On arriving at the office/restaurant/brothel you were told that you had been fired in your abcense and you would now be sued for trespassing. On your melancholy march home, you were mocked by teenagers and small children, and shunned by your peers. You are totally isolated in this world - and you feel like starting over. That's where the Insta-Death device comes in!
When you arrive home, you plug in the Insta-Death machine and select your destruction of choice. The machine is pre-programmed with many options - you can simply electrocute yourself (quick and painless), burn yourself (slightly more painful and longwinded) or you can even climb inside the machine to drown yourself (only recommended for those who don't intend to have a change of heart once the lid has been magnetically sealed to prevent leakage)! Even better than this, Insta-Death has been specifically tailored to the individual's needs, allowing you to program in your own methods of self-mutilation! If you want to be chopped in to tiny pieces of twitching meat by spinning saws, all you need is a basic understanding of C++ before you too can be slicing and dicing to your heart's content!
Because, in all likelihood, you will only be using the Insta-Death device once, we want to make sure you have the best possible experience - after all, it's the last good thing that will ever happen to you! Therefore, free of charge, we supply a party of four 'cleaning' robots with the device. After the 'event' has taken place, it is unlikely you will be in any fit state to clean up your apartment/house/basement. Instead, these little electronic housemaids will analyse the carnage in front of them and will then remove any blood/body parts/brain stains from the walls, floor and furniture. They will also incinerate any large portions of meat which may put off potential visitors. This means that you won't ever have to feel guilty about leaving a mess for your mother to find - no stain, no shame!
Obviously, because of the nature of the Insta-Death device, certain aspects of the device's functions may become questionable in a court of law. Therefore, to protect us from being sued for manslaughter by various families, the ----------- Corporation provides a disclaimer for you to sign before the machine can be activated - thereby protecting us from any legal action. It's a small price to pay for eternal happiness, eh?
So what are you waiting for? If you aren't pleased with your present state of existence, try Insta-Death and be reincarnated with a new life, new body and a whole new personality - in fact, a whole new you! Thanks for reading!
-----------------------
Just for the record, this 'advertisement' was intended as a joke and should be read as such. Anyone who has an issue with my references to death, life, the afterlife and reincarnation shouldn't bother complaining. It's humour. Lots of love, Small Frog :D
On the topic of 300 quick posts, I'm bloody annoyed I can't post in prime topics. Anyway, here's another to add to my list.
Time_Warp wrote:
> Would you like your death slowly and painfully or quickly and
> painfully Cookie?
>
> (:)
I think i would opt for my own choice of
Quick and painless.
> Would you like your death slowly and painfully or quickly and
> painfully Cookie?
>
> (:)
I think i would opt for my own choice of
Quick and painless.
Any inspiration from Futurama? That suicide booth was class.
Who, me? Nah - got bored with that a long time ago. In fact, I'm bored with life! I'm going to try Insta-Death. So should you - it's competively priced to match all needs!
Still on your quest to get over 300 posts in double quick time?
Lol. Nice one!
Are you bored with life? Does the same old routine just wear you down until you feel you just can't cope? Does your wife/husband/mistress/lover/ pet monkey never stop nagging your for more of your time?
Well, we have the solution!
Insta-Death is the latest in a huge range of products designed to spice up the last few minutes of your life! Whether or not you feel depressed, angry or simply fed up with the couple upstairs, Insta-Death is the perfect way to end a stressful day!
Picture this - you woke up this morning and realised you were late for work. On arriving at the office/restaurant/brothel you were told that you had been fired in your abcense and you would now be sued for trespassing. On your melancholy march home, you were mocked by teenagers and small children, and shunned by your peers. You are totally isolated in this world - and you feel like starting over. That's where the Insta-Death device comes in!
When you arrive home, you plug in the Insta-Death machine and select your destruction of choice. The machine is pre-programmed with many options - you can simply electrocute yourself (quick and painless), burn yourself (slightly more painful and longwinded) or you can even climb inside the machine to drown yourself (only recommended for those who don't intend to have a change of heart once the lid has been magnetically sealed to prevent leakage)! Even better than this, Insta-Death has been specifically tailored to the individual's needs, allowing you to program in your own methods of self-mutilation! If you want to be chopped in to tiny pieces of twitching meat by spinning saws, all you need is a basic understanding of C++ before you too can be slicing and dicing to your heart's content!
Because, in all likelihood, you will only be using the Insta-Death device once, we want to make sure you have the best possible experience - after all, it's the last good thing that will ever happen to you! Therefore, free of charge, we supply a party of four 'cleaning' robots with the device. After the 'event' has taken place, it is unlikely you will be in any fit state to clean up your apartment/house/basement. Instead, these little electronic housemaids will analyse the carnage in front of them and will then remove any blood/body parts/brain stains from the walls, floor and furniture. They will also incinerate any large portions of meat which may put off potential visitors. This means that you won't ever have to feel guilty about leaving a mess for your mother to find - no stain, no shame!
Obviously, because of the nature of the Insta-Death device, certain aspects of the device's functions may become questionable in a court of law. Therefore, to protect us from being sued for manslaughter by various families, the ----------- Corporation provides a disclaimer for you to sign before the machine can be activated - thereby protecting us from any legal action. It's a small price to pay for eternal happiness, eh?
So what are you waiting for? If you aren't pleased with your present state of existence, try Insta-Death and be reincarnated with a new life, new body and a whole new personality - in fact, a whole new you! Thanks for reading!
-----------------------
Just for the record, this 'advertisement' was intended as a joke and should be read as such. Anyone who has an issue with my references to death, life, the afterlife and reincarnation shouldn't bother complaining. It's humour. Lots of love, Small Frog :D
Well, we have the solution!
Insta-Death is the latest in a huge range of products designed to spice up the last few minutes of your life! Whether or not you feel depressed, angry or simply fed up with the couple upstairs, Insta-Death is the perfect way to end a stressful day!
Picture this - you woke up this morning and realised you were late for work. On arriving at the office/restaurant/brothel you were told that you had been fired in your abcense and you would now be sued for trespassing. On your melancholy march home, you were mocked by teenagers and small children, and shunned by your peers. You are totally isolated in this world - and you feel like starting over. That's where the Insta-Death device comes in!
When you arrive home, you plug in the Insta-Death machine and select your destruction of choice. The machine is pre-programmed with many options - you can simply electrocute yourself (quick and painless), burn yourself (slightly more painful and longwinded) or you can even climb inside the machine to drown yourself (only recommended for those who don't intend to have a change of heart once the lid has been magnetically sealed to prevent leakage)! Even better than this, Insta-Death has been specifically tailored to the individual's needs, allowing you to program in your own methods of self-mutilation! If you want to be chopped in to tiny pieces of twitching meat by spinning saws, all you need is a basic understanding of C++ before you too can be slicing and dicing to your heart's content!
Because, in all likelihood, you will only be using the Insta-Death device once, we want to make sure you have the best possible experience - after all, it's the last good thing that will ever happen to you! Therefore, free of charge, we supply a party of four 'cleaning' robots with the device. After the 'event' has taken place, it is unlikely you will be in any fit state to clean up your apartment/house/basement. Instead, these little electronic housemaids will analyse the carnage in front of them and will then remove any blood/body parts/brain stains from the walls, floor and furniture. They will also incinerate any large portions of meat which may put off potential visitors. This means that you won't ever have to feel guilty about leaving a mess for your mother to find - no stain, no shame!
Obviously, because of the nature of the Insta-Death device, certain aspects of the device's functions may become questionable in a court of law. Therefore, to protect us from being sued for manslaughter by various families, the ----------- Corporation provides a disclaimer for you to sign before the machine can be activated - thereby protecting us from any legal action. It's a small price to pay for eternal happiness, eh?
So what are you waiting for? If you aren't pleased with your present state of existence, try Insta-Death and be reincarnated with a new life, new body and a whole new personality - in fact, a whole new you! Thanks for reading!
-----------------------
Just for the record, this 'advertisement' was intended as a joke and should be read as such. Anyone who has an issue with my references to death, life, the afterlife and reincarnation shouldn't bother complaining. It's humour. Lots of love, Small Frog :D