The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
"I was never breastfed." Admits Alex Kidd, suddenly. He sits back in his chair, and kicks his feet. "Sorry."
We asked him why he said that.
"It's been on my mind recently. I dunno."
Alex Kidd successfully sued Sega in the late 90's, secretly. According to Alex, he suffered a large amount of mental stress from the games that Sega put him in. Sega were forced to stop production of their Dreamcast console, and move into third party games.
"Basically, they were lazy. They wanted sound effects, but they wouldn't put them in after... so every time something happened, they wanted ME to make the sound effects... the *pow* when I punch something? That's me. The *pops* of the bosses as I beat them at rock, paper, scissors? That's me too."
We say we can see now, he sounds exactly like the noises.
"But it made me go insane. I started making sound effects wherever I went, I couldn't control it... I lost most of my friends, my wife left me... well, I kept making explosion sounds when I was making love to her."
Alex looks thoughtful.
"I'm better now." He quickly adds. We say we believe him.
Alex now lives alone in Wales, near the coast.
Pyschological tramua in games characters is suprisingly common. The next character we met was still very much in stress.
"LEFT! LEFT LEFT LEFT!"
The woman screamed, and then threw herself into the air, crawled to a corner and cried softly to herself, rocking in a ball. Guards crowded around her, and made her sit back on the chair.
We remember Outrun as a classic racer to pass the time, and we all bounced along to the fantastic music. We easily forget, however, the trauma of the poor woman that had to ride in the car with us. She now resides in a prison for the mentally deranged.
We finally manage to calm the woman down.
"It... I had to sit there. All the time. I couldn't do a thing... and then we'd crash, and... I was SO angry. He'd make me so angry... AND THEN I'D SHOW HIM CONTROL! THE BAST**D! THE BAST**D! I KEEELLLEEDD HIIMMMM!!! HAHAHA! I TOOK THE WHEEL! I TOOK THE WHEEL!"
The woman started bouncing like a chimp, before diving up to the glass window, and shaking her fist at us madly. We step backwards, and guards sedate her. We are unable to see her for any longer.
Sega are busy making a sequel to Outrun, and will most likely feature the lady, who will once again have to ride in the car. Campaigners have given up on asking her not to be in it, but at least allowing her to be chosen as a playable character, so she can drive too. Sega have yet to comment on the situation.
While we're in the mental prison, we also meet to see Max Payne.
"I felt a slight itch in my anus like a cat scratching at a door of a burning house as the interviewer sat down in front of me." Max says, as we sit down.
We wish Max a good morning, and ask him did he feel justice for the revenge that he took on the people, that in essense, murdered his family...
"The interviewer asked me the questions I'd been asked a thousand times before... I just answered as always, with a soft smile, a mirrored thoughtful eye, saying how much I regreted what I had did... but deep down, my fire of hatred still burned... I had a plan, a good plan... and when fat Charlie was knocked to the ground, I'd show him who are the real apes in this city, and I'd show them who I was, once again."
We asked him did he always narrate himself.
"The interviewer grew tired of me, like they always did... like my mother before them all, would she breastfeed me? No. I never truly had a mother. But I still miss her."
We leave him be.
There is, however, one very special case... a character so deeply mentally scarred, that his presense still scares the bejesus out of anyone that tries to interview him.
The sad thing is? He's still being forced to make games.
"Mamamia!" Mario says, leaping into the air to smash some more bricks with his head. "Someatimes a get da mushrooms! They make me big!"
We ask Mario if there's anything else he'd rather be doing than making games.
"Games? I'ma plumber! Mr Miyamoto allows me to fix his plumbing! Then we go on adventures!" Mario laughs. "He a says my mustache makes me look gay! Do you think so?"
Mario has been raised in captivity. He has very little understanding of the world that exists around him, and while we interview him, we are closely monitored. We have also been given a list of things we're not allowed to say.
Any mention of religion other than Nintendo. Any mention of the existence of life beyond Brooklyn and the Mushroom Kingdom. And, under no circumstances, ask Mario about horse riding.
We are left with a difficult decision. We need to help Mario, and he needs our help desperately. Signing the contract under a false alias of "M. Scoates", we ask Mario what he thinks of horse riding.
"The ponys! I love da ponys! I can ride whereever I like and watch the sunsets and I'm free again! It feels so good! Mr Miyamoto won't let me ride ponys, I hate him! He a gives me this stupid green dinosaur that I hit in da head and it eats things and I-a hate it. I need to ride across da deserts and away so I can see da world! I need da ponys! I need to ride again!"
The two men standing at the door rush towards us as Mario speaks. We cry out 'We'll get you help Mario! Hang in there! Hang in man! Don't lose hope!"
We manage to escape unharmed. Unfortunately for a Mr. M. Scoates, he was tracked down, and is now forced to transport floating bricks for Mario to bounce into by van. He's unable to play that many games now. Sorry Mr M. Whoever you are.
We wrote a letter to Nintendo, asking them of the cruel way in which Mario is, basically, whored to the world in a multitude of things that he does not enjoy.
We are yet to receive a reply. But hope does exist in allowing Mario to horse ride. Petitions to get a Western themed world [allowing a horse to be ridden around the lands] in Mario's next game have reached a staggering 20,000 signatures. Hopefully, Nintendo will allow it, and give Mario the small joy that he so desperately needs.
The struggle for Mario's freedom continues.
We asked him why he said that.
"It's been on my mind recently. I dunno."
Alex Kidd successfully sued Sega in the late 90's, secretly. According to Alex, he suffered a large amount of mental stress from the games that Sega put him in. Sega were forced to stop production of their Dreamcast console, and move into third party games.
"Basically, they were lazy. They wanted sound effects, but they wouldn't put them in after... so every time something happened, they wanted ME to make the sound effects... the *pow* when I punch something? That's me. The *pops* of the bosses as I beat them at rock, paper, scissors? That's me too."
We say we can see now, he sounds exactly like the noises.
"But it made me go insane. I started making sound effects wherever I went, I couldn't control it... I lost most of my friends, my wife left me... well, I kept making explosion sounds when I was making love to her."
Alex looks thoughtful.
"I'm better now." He quickly adds. We say we believe him.
Alex now lives alone in Wales, near the coast.
Pyschological tramua in games characters is suprisingly common. The next character we met was still very much in stress.
"LEFT! LEFT LEFT LEFT!"
The woman screamed, and then threw herself into the air, crawled to a corner and cried softly to herself, rocking in a ball. Guards crowded around her, and made her sit back on the chair.
We remember Outrun as a classic racer to pass the time, and we all bounced along to the fantastic music. We easily forget, however, the trauma of the poor woman that had to ride in the car with us. She now resides in a prison for the mentally deranged.
We finally manage to calm the woman down.
"It... I had to sit there. All the time. I couldn't do a thing... and then we'd crash, and... I was SO angry. He'd make me so angry... AND THEN I'D SHOW HIM CONTROL! THE BAST**D! THE BAST**D! I KEEELLLEEDD HIIMMMM!!! HAHAHA! I TOOK THE WHEEL! I TOOK THE WHEEL!"
The woman started bouncing like a chimp, before diving up to the glass window, and shaking her fist at us madly. We step backwards, and guards sedate her. We are unable to see her for any longer.
Sega are busy making a sequel to Outrun, and will most likely feature the lady, who will once again have to ride in the car. Campaigners have given up on asking her not to be in it, but at least allowing her to be chosen as a playable character, so she can drive too. Sega have yet to comment on the situation.
While we're in the mental prison, we also meet to see Max Payne.
"I felt a slight itch in my anus like a cat scratching at a door of a burning house as the interviewer sat down in front of me." Max says, as we sit down.
We wish Max a good morning, and ask him did he feel justice for the revenge that he took on the people, that in essense, murdered his family...
"The interviewer asked me the questions I'd been asked a thousand times before... I just answered as always, with a soft smile, a mirrored thoughtful eye, saying how much I regreted what I had did... but deep down, my fire of hatred still burned... I had a plan, a good plan... and when fat Charlie was knocked to the ground, I'd show him who are the real apes in this city, and I'd show them who I was, once again."
We asked him did he always narrate himself.
"The interviewer grew tired of me, like they always did... like my mother before them all, would she breastfeed me? No. I never truly had a mother. But I still miss her."
We leave him be.
There is, however, one very special case... a character so deeply mentally scarred, that his presense still scares the bejesus out of anyone that tries to interview him.
The sad thing is? He's still being forced to make games.
"Mamamia!" Mario says, leaping into the air to smash some more bricks with his head. "Someatimes a get da mushrooms! They make me big!"
We ask Mario if there's anything else he'd rather be doing than making games.
"Games? I'ma plumber! Mr Miyamoto allows me to fix his plumbing! Then we go on adventures!" Mario laughs. "He a says my mustache makes me look gay! Do you think so?"
Mario has been raised in captivity. He has very little understanding of the world that exists around him, and while we interview him, we are closely monitored. We have also been given a list of things we're not allowed to say.
Any mention of religion other than Nintendo. Any mention of the existence of life beyond Brooklyn and the Mushroom Kingdom. And, under no circumstances, ask Mario about horse riding.
We are left with a difficult decision. We need to help Mario, and he needs our help desperately. Signing the contract under a false alias of "M. Scoates", we ask Mario what he thinks of horse riding.
"The ponys! I love da ponys! I can ride whereever I like and watch the sunsets and I'm free again! It feels so good! Mr Miyamoto won't let me ride ponys, I hate him! He a gives me this stupid green dinosaur that I hit in da head and it eats things and I-a hate it. I need to ride across da deserts and away so I can see da world! I need da ponys! I need to ride again!"
The two men standing at the door rush towards us as Mario speaks. We cry out 'We'll get you help Mario! Hang in there! Hang in man! Don't lose hope!"
We manage to escape unharmed. Unfortunately for a Mr. M. Scoates, he was tracked down, and is now forced to transport floating bricks for Mario to bounce into by van. He's unable to play that many games now. Sorry Mr M. Whoever you are.
We wrote a letter to Nintendo, asking them of the cruel way in which Mario is, basically, whored to the world in a multitude of things that he does not enjoy.
We are yet to receive a reply. But hope does exist in allowing Mario to horse ride. Petitions to get a Western themed world [allowing a horse to be ridden around the lands] in Mario's next game have reached a staggering 20,000 signatures. Hopefully, Nintendo will allow it, and give Mario the small joy that he so desperately needs.
The struggle for Mario's freedom continues.
"I was never breastfed." Admits Alex Kidd, suddenly. He sits back in his chair, and kicks his feet. "Sorry."
We asked him why he said that.
"It's been on my mind recently. I dunno."
Alex Kidd successfully sued Sega in the late 90's, secretly. According to Alex, he suffered a large amount of mental stress from the games that Sega put him in. Sega were forced to stop production of their Dreamcast console, and move into third party games.
"Basically, they were lazy. They wanted sound effects, but they wouldn't put them in after... so every time something happened, they wanted ME to make the sound effects... the *pow* when I punch something? That's me. The *pops* of the bosses as I beat them at rock, paper, scissors? That's me too."
We say we can see now, he sounds exactly like the noises.
"But it made me go insane. I started making sound effects wherever I went, I couldn't control it... I lost most of my friends, my wife left me... well, I kept making explosion sounds when I was making love to her."
Alex looks thoughtful.
"I'm better now." He quickly adds. We say we believe him.
Alex now lives alone in Wales, near the coast.
Pyschological tramua in games characters is suprisingly common. The next character we met was still very much in stress.
"LEFT! LEFT LEFT LEFT!"
The woman screamed, and then threw herself into the air, crawled to a corner and cried softly to herself, rocking in a ball. Guards crowded around her, and made her sit back on the chair.
We remember Outrun as a classic racer to pass the time, and we all bounced along to the fantastic music. We easily forget, however, the trauma of the poor woman that had to ride in the car with us. She now resides in a prison for the mentally deranged.
We finally manage to calm the woman down.
"It... I had to sit there. All the time. I couldn't do a thing... and then we'd crash, and... I was SO angry. He'd make me so angry... AND THEN I'D SHOW HIM CONTROL! THE BAST**D! THE BAST**D! I KEEELLLEEDD HIIMMMM!!! HAHAHA! I TOOK THE WHEEL! I TOOK THE WHEEL!"
The woman started bouncing like a chimp, before diving up to the glass window, and shaking her fist at us madly. We step backwards, and guards sedate her. We are unable to see her for any longer.
Sega are busy making a sequel to Outrun, and will most likely feature the lady, who will once again have to ride in the car. Campaigners have given up on asking her not to be in it, but at least allowing her to be chosen as a playable character, so she can drive too. Sega have yet to comment on the situation.
While we're in the mental prison, we also meet to see Max Payne.
"I felt a slight itch in my anus like a cat scratching at a door of a burning house as the interviewer sat down in front of me." Max says, as we sit down.
We wish Max a good morning, and ask him did he feel justice for the revenge that he took on the people, that in essense, murdered his family...
"The interviewer asked me the questions I'd been asked a thousand times before... I just answered as always, with a soft smile, a mirrored thoughtful eye, saying how much I regreted what I had did... but deep down, my fire of hatred still burned... I had a plan, a good plan... and when fat Charlie was knocked to the ground, I'd show him who are the real apes in this city, and I'd show them who I was, once again."
We asked him did he always narrate himself.
"The interviewer grew tired of me, like they always did... like my mother before them all, would she breastfeed me? No. I never truly had a mother. But I still miss her."
We leave him be.
There is, however, one very special case... a character so deeply mentally scarred, that his presense still scares the bejesus out of anyone that tries to interview him.
The sad thing is? He's still being forced to make games.
"Mamamia!" Mario says, leaping into the air to smash some more bricks with his head. "Someatimes a get da mushrooms! They make me big!"
We ask Mario if there's anything else he'd rather be doing than making games.
"Games? I'ma plumber! Mr Miyamoto allows me to fix his plumbing! Then we go on adventures!" Mario laughs. "He a says my mustache makes me look gay! Do you think so?"
Mario has been raised in captivity. He has very little understanding of the world that exists around him, and while we interview him, we are closely monitored. We have also been given a list of things we're not allowed to say.
Any mention of religion other than Nintendo. Any mention of the existence of life beyond Brooklyn and the Mushroom Kingdom. And, under no circumstances, ask Mario about horse riding.
We are left with a difficult decision. We need to help Mario, and he needs our help desperately. Signing the contract under a false alias of "M. Scoates", we ask Mario what he thinks of horse riding.
"The ponys! I love da ponys! I can ride whereever I like and watch the sunsets and I'm free again! It feels so good! Mr Miyamoto won't let me ride ponys, I hate him! He a gives me this stupid green dinosaur that I hit in da head and it eats things and I-a hate it. I need to ride across da deserts and away so I can see da world! I need da ponys! I need to ride again!"
The two men standing at the door rush towards us as Mario speaks. We cry out 'We'll get you help Mario! Hang in there! Hang in man! Don't lose hope!"
We manage to escape unharmed. Unfortunately for a Mr. M. Scoates, he was tracked down, and is now forced to transport floating bricks for Mario to bounce into by van. He's unable to play that many games now. Sorry Mr M. Whoever you are.
We wrote a letter to Nintendo, asking them of the cruel way in which Mario is, basically, whored to the world in a multitude of things that he does not enjoy.
We are yet to receive a reply. But hope does exist in allowing Mario to horse ride. Petitions to get a Western themed world [allowing a horse to be ridden around the lands] in Mario's next game have reached a staggering 20,000 signatures. Hopefully, Nintendo will allow it, and give Mario the small joy that he so desperately needs.
The struggle for Mario's freedom continues.
We asked him why he said that.
"It's been on my mind recently. I dunno."
Alex Kidd successfully sued Sega in the late 90's, secretly. According to Alex, he suffered a large amount of mental stress from the games that Sega put him in. Sega were forced to stop production of their Dreamcast console, and move into third party games.
"Basically, they were lazy. They wanted sound effects, but they wouldn't put them in after... so every time something happened, they wanted ME to make the sound effects... the *pow* when I punch something? That's me. The *pops* of the bosses as I beat them at rock, paper, scissors? That's me too."
We say we can see now, he sounds exactly like the noises.
"But it made me go insane. I started making sound effects wherever I went, I couldn't control it... I lost most of my friends, my wife left me... well, I kept making explosion sounds when I was making love to her."
Alex looks thoughtful.
"I'm better now." He quickly adds. We say we believe him.
Alex now lives alone in Wales, near the coast.
Pyschological tramua in games characters is suprisingly common. The next character we met was still very much in stress.
"LEFT! LEFT LEFT LEFT!"
The woman screamed, and then threw herself into the air, crawled to a corner and cried softly to herself, rocking in a ball. Guards crowded around her, and made her sit back on the chair.
We remember Outrun as a classic racer to pass the time, and we all bounced along to the fantastic music. We easily forget, however, the trauma of the poor woman that had to ride in the car with us. She now resides in a prison for the mentally deranged.
We finally manage to calm the woman down.
"It... I had to sit there. All the time. I couldn't do a thing... and then we'd crash, and... I was SO angry. He'd make me so angry... AND THEN I'D SHOW HIM CONTROL! THE BAST**D! THE BAST**D! I KEEELLLEEDD HIIMMMM!!! HAHAHA! I TOOK THE WHEEL! I TOOK THE WHEEL!"
The woman started bouncing like a chimp, before diving up to the glass window, and shaking her fist at us madly. We step backwards, and guards sedate her. We are unable to see her for any longer.
Sega are busy making a sequel to Outrun, and will most likely feature the lady, who will once again have to ride in the car. Campaigners have given up on asking her not to be in it, but at least allowing her to be chosen as a playable character, so she can drive too. Sega have yet to comment on the situation.
While we're in the mental prison, we also meet to see Max Payne.
"I felt a slight itch in my anus like a cat scratching at a door of a burning house as the interviewer sat down in front of me." Max says, as we sit down.
We wish Max a good morning, and ask him did he feel justice for the revenge that he took on the people, that in essense, murdered his family...
"The interviewer asked me the questions I'd been asked a thousand times before... I just answered as always, with a soft smile, a mirrored thoughtful eye, saying how much I regreted what I had did... but deep down, my fire of hatred still burned... I had a plan, a good plan... and when fat Charlie was knocked to the ground, I'd show him who are the real apes in this city, and I'd show them who I was, once again."
We asked him did he always narrate himself.
"The interviewer grew tired of me, like they always did... like my mother before them all, would she breastfeed me? No. I never truly had a mother. But I still miss her."
We leave him be.
There is, however, one very special case... a character so deeply mentally scarred, that his presense still scares the bejesus out of anyone that tries to interview him.
The sad thing is? He's still being forced to make games.
"Mamamia!" Mario says, leaping into the air to smash some more bricks with his head. "Someatimes a get da mushrooms! They make me big!"
We ask Mario if there's anything else he'd rather be doing than making games.
"Games? I'ma plumber! Mr Miyamoto allows me to fix his plumbing! Then we go on adventures!" Mario laughs. "He a says my mustache makes me look gay! Do you think so?"
Mario has been raised in captivity. He has very little understanding of the world that exists around him, and while we interview him, we are closely monitored. We have also been given a list of things we're not allowed to say.
Any mention of religion other than Nintendo. Any mention of the existence of life beyond Brooklyn and the Mushroom Kingdom. And, under no circumstances, ask Mario about horse riding.
We are left with a difficult decision. We need to help Mario, and he needs our help desperately. Signing the contract under a false alias of "M. Scoates", we ask Mario what he thinks of horse riding.
"The ponys! I love da ponys! I can ride whereever I like and watch the sunsets and I'm free again! It feels so good! Mr Miyamoto won't let me ride ponys, I hate him! He a gives me this stupid green dinosaur that I hit in da head and it eats things and I-a hate it. I need to ride across da deserts and away so I can see da world! I need da ponys! I need to ride again!"
The two men standing at the door rush towards us as Mario speaks. We cry out 'We'll get you help Mario! Hang in there! Hang in man! Don't lose hope!"
We manage to escape unharmed. Unfortunately for a Mr. M. Scoates, he was tracked down, and is now forced to transport floating bricks for Mario to bounce into by van. He's unable to play that many games now. Sorry Mr M. Whoever you are.
We wrote a letter to Nintendo, asking them of the cruel way in which Mario is, basically, whored to the world in a multitude of things that he does not enjoy.
We are yet to receive a reply. But hope does exist in allowing Mario to horse ride. Petitions to get a Western themed world [allowing a horse to be ridden around the lands] in Mario's next game have reached a staggering 20,000 signatures. Hopefully, Nintendo will allow it, and give Mario the small joy that he so desperately needs.
The struggle for Mario's freedom continues.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> "I was never breastfed." Admits Alex Kidd, suddenly. He sits
> back in his chair, and kicks his feet. "Sorry."
>
> We asked him why he said that.
>
> "It's been on my mind recently. I dunno."
LOL! Excellent Grix!
> "I was never breastfed." Admits Alex Kidd, suddenly. He sits
> back in his chair, and kicks his feet. "Sorry."
>
> We asked him why he said that.
>
> "It's been on my mind recently. I dunno."
LOL! Excellent Grix!
:oD
Top stuff, very enjoyable.
Top stuff, very enjoyable.
Another classic.
Nice.
Nice.
See! I -can- write like you, Meka. :0D
Top stuff Grix.
Now I remember why I used to come to the forums every day!
Now I remember why I used to come to the forums every day!
Brillant Post!
Grix Thraves wrote:
> See! I -can- write like you, Meka. :0D
Yep, I guess so. ;o)
Hell, maybe it was you that wrote the Mice City thing, after all?
> See! I -can- write like you, Meka. :0D
Yep, I guess so. ;o)
Hell, maybe it was you that wrote the Mice City thing, after all?
So that's what happened to Fantasy Meister.
Hope he enjoyed bringing Mario those bricks... :-D
Hope he enjoyed bringing Mario those bricks... :-D
Enjoyed that Grix, well done.