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Now then, fans of my first Duffer's Guide, which showed you how to create your own amazing game (http://ukchatforums.reserve.co.uk/ display_messages.php?forumid=185&threadid=45521 for all you latecomers) will be glad to hear that I am now about to get specific, and show you how to make your very own console-based first person shooter! All of you sitting there, cursing the likes of Rare and Bungie for making FPSs and reeling in the cash rejoice, for just following these simple steps will get you millions!!!!
Or not.
1: THE NAME
"If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss." Wise words, Cher. Now just switch 'kiss' with 'name', 'his' with 'the', and 'if you wanna know, if he loves you so' with 'when making great FPSs', and you get my key phrase for step 1:
"When making great FPSs, it's in the name."
Half-Life. Ha-lo. Golden-Eye. Qua-ke...or is it Q-uake? Never mind, you get the picture. All the greatest shooters have names with two parts in...and they're almost always a stupidy small part of the game (or, in Quake's case, it has nothing to do with it at all. Why the hell is it called Quake? Was it made by a dyslexic Quaker?), so you have pretty much complete creative control. Just let your brain run wild. Here's some ker-azy ideas:
'Swander-Rocks'
'Give-Him'
'Free-Games'
See? It's easy.
2: THE STORY
Making a FPS is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You usually have a bit of talking at the beginning, so that everybody knows what's going on. Then you do some basic stuff, learning what all the buttons do and looking at the pretty graphics...and then you get into the action, which is of course the most important part. Note that the only 'story' bit in there is the talking at the start. FPSs are also like pornos, in the fact that there's always a photocopying machine that's broken, but the mechanic never ends up fixing it...oh, and that nobody really cares about the story. Now your friends might rant and rave about 'Deus Ex' and other 'amazing' games...but your friends are all stupid. You don't need an engaging plot, or even a likeable main character*...or even a main character*. All you need is lots of guns, and lots of things to use your guns on. Just watch a porno, and steal the story...or, better still, play a shooting game and steal THEIR story. You know, the usual stuff. You're framed for a murder and on the run from the police; your twin brother is missing and it's all tangled up in some terrorism plot; or just the good old aliens-have-landed-so-we-might-as-well-kill-them-all schtick. Like I said, this isn't really important (just padding to make the topic bigger. KIDDING!!).
Oh, and make sure that if you have aliens in there, you have some humans as well. I dunno, scientists or something like that. Everyone loves shooting fellow humans.
*these points are contradicted in the next step.
3: THE MAIN CHARACTER (told you so...)
Well, this is pretty easy. Just like last time, I'll give you some pointers.
A) The 'must-be-a-male' rule still stands. Games like Metroid and Tomb Raider may have girls in them, and be popular, but they also suck. And this is all about the ART, man, not just making moolah (psh, yeah right). Who are they kidding anyway? Girls holding guns? Can you imagine the chaos? There'd be pumping their bathrooms full of lead because "ohmygod THERE'S A SPIDER!!!!". Sheesh.
B) Looks aren't that important, seeing as this is a First Person Shooter and thus you won't see much of the main man. The easiest thing to do is just make your character a stick-man. This has worked very well in several games, such as the recent hit 'Perfect Dark' on the Game Boy Colour. At least, I THINK that's a stick-man. If not...somebody needs to get fired.
C) A name is not neccessary. Titles like Grand Theft Auto 3, Halo and Medal Of Honour have achieved huge commercial success without bothering to give the main characters names.
D) I WILL give you a choice here though: your character MAY or MAY NOT wear gloves. Hands are crucial when it comes to making a great FPS, so make sure they look snazzy. Rubber gloves, painted nails, a huge Rolex watch...it's up to you.
E) The character must have SOMETHING that makes him different. Of course, being a stick-man sort of counts, but you need another idea. Perhaps he could only have one arm, or no head (which could add extra dimensions to the game, such as just a single gun being allowed in your inventory at any one time, and horrible, HORRIBLE sight).
3.5: GUNS
This is pretty easy. You only need a few weapons. Right, let's see...pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle, rocket launcher, and some grenades. There. Done.
4: MARKETING
Another hurdle on which many games fall with one leg either side crushing their nuts and making them cry like a little girl: marketing. Sometimes, it's just plain common sense: Daikatana got slaughtered by magazines. Solution? When release time comes around, send big bags of cash round to all the publishing houses. Also, you'll need a quote or two to put on your box...the easiest way to do this of course is to make them up (although, if you follow the previous advice, you technically COULD get legitimate comments. But that's boring). Here's some quick examples (note the subtle changes in source names to avoid lawsuits!):
"Quite simply the best non-stamp related game ever made! Stunning!" - MamesGaster
"We are grumpy men and love Halo mmmm Halo!!!" - Hedge
"PRETTY CoLORS! I PAINTED MY FACES!!1!" - Bnintendo Official Magazine
Also, take out a few double page spread advertisements in the mags, and especially websites. You'd be surprised at how many sad, sad people read these stupid internet sites about gaming, and post stupid little things on stupid little message boards. Losers.
5: THE SYSTEM(S)
Now this bit is actually quite hard at first glance, but I can help you all out. Should we go with the PS2? Stable, big fan base, but enfuriating button layout regarding the analogue sticks? Or maybe the XBOX, with its HUGE MONSTROUS MOTHER of a controller, and superior graphics engine? Perhaps the Gamecube, with it's itty bitty box and itty bitty pads and itty bitty CDs? Look at the itty bitty CDs! Aww! Look at th--ah yes. All systems have their good points (PS2 has the most owners, XBOX has the Halo crowd gagging for shooting action and Gamecube has the little nine-year-olds that will buy anything) but also have their bad points (PS2 is the hardest to program for, the XBOX is made by Microsoft, and as for the Gamecube...well I won't even go into it). Perhaps naive developers would go for the PS2. Maybe people would pluck for the XBOX and it's powerful...or mthe GCN, because some people are stupid...but you, the INFORMED games maker with this brilliant guide, will just do it for all of them. Because then you get more money, DERRR!!
6: MULTIPLAYER
Fact: all FPSs on home consoles are bought by people who have friends. This is because they know that the Story mode will pretty much suck, and it's more fun killing your friend than a computer generated nasty. So, you may as well just give up on the Story mode and leave it unfinished (I don't know, just have someone scribble 'To Be Continued...' on the end credits)...and start looking at the Multiplayer aspect.
6.33333333333333: MAPS
First of all, take one of the game's maps and add a few doors. Then make it a little bigger...NO not that much...a little bigger, a little big--NO! NO! Smaller! Yes, that's it...and give it a new fancy name. There, you've made your first ever multiplayer map. Next up, just change the textures, move a few crates and weapons, and turn the whole thing around 60 degrees...perfect! That's two maps already! Just keep tinkering about until you have, oh I don't know, seventy maps. Then move on to the next stage:
6.66666666666666: MODES
Everbody needs a deathmatch...so stick it in. Then there's Capture The Flag and King Of The Hill as per usual, and then just add on a few extra variables like time the game lasts, or how many kills you need to win, whether you have radars or not, how many explosions should be triggered when you step on the fourth square in the Jungle's puzzle arena...and you're set. Then make up some more games. Don't be afraid of creativity...I have a few ideas to share:
'Cripple Kill' - one player has a severe handicap (they move half as quickly as the rest of you do, and can only fight with their bare hands), and you have to kill them. Whoever kills the cripple the most times wins.
'Columbine' - You have a small area which is distinguished by being turned bright green. All the characters must be in this area excluding one, who will be the 'teenage psychopath'. This player must then burst into the area, and kill as many people as possible within a set time minute using a shotgun, with no extra ammo.
'Showoff/Horse Mode' - Player 1 must kill Player 2 in a way as imaginative as possible. You score points based on many factors such as where the player is shot, how far back/up they fly, how much blood is spillt etc. and then Player 2 must better, or top the score. Whoever ends up with less points after this gets a letter. If you get the whole word, you lose.
Get the idea? Good, because I'm getting bored.
7: FIN
It's been emotional, folks, but by now you should have made the whole game. So, somehow, it'll end up on the shelves and make you rich...and before you even say it, you're welcome.
...
...
What do you MEAN "You still haven't told us how to make a game in two freaking 'Duffer's Guides'"?
*runs*
----- ----- ------ ------- ------- ------
Hrm. Not as good as the first one, but tell me what you think.
Or not.
1: THE NAME
"If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss." Wise words, Cher. Now just switch 'kiss' with 'name', 'his' with 'the', and 'if you wanna know, if he loves you so' with 'when making great FPSs', and you get my key phrase for step 1:
"When making great FPSs, it's in the name."
Half-Life. Ha-lo. Golden-Eye. Qua-ke...or is it Q-uake? Never mind, you get the picture. All the greatest shooters have names with two parts in...and they're almost always a stupidy small part of the game (or, in Quake's case, it has nothing to do with it at all. Why the hell is it called Quake? Was it made by a dyslexic Quaker?), so you have pretty much complete creative control. Just let your brain run wild. Here's some ker-azy ideas:
'Swander-Rocks'
'Give-Him'
'Free-Games'
See? It's easy.
2: THE STORY
Making a FPS is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You usually have a bit of talking at the beginning, so that everybody knows what's going on. Then you do some basic stuff, learning what all the buttons do and looking at the pretty graphics...and then you get into the action, which is of course the most important part. Note that the only 'story' bit in there is the talking at the start. FPSs are also like pornos, in the fact that there's always a photocopying machine that's broken, but the mechanic never ends up fixing it...oh, and that nobody really cares about the story. Now your friends might rant and rave about 'Deus Ex' and other 'amazing' games...but your friends are all stupid. You don't need an engaging plot, or even a likeable main character*...or even a main character*. All you need is lots of guns, and lots of things to use your guns on. Just watch a porno, and steal the story...or, better still, play a shooting game and steal THEIR story. You know, the usual stuff. You're framed for a murder and on the run from the police; your twin brother is missing and it's all tangled up in some terrorism plot; or just the good old aliens-have-landed-so-we-might-as-well-kill-them-all schtick. Like I said, this isn't really important (just padding to make the topic bigger. KIDDING!!).
Oh, and make sure that if you have aliens in there, you have some humans as well. I dunno, scientists or something like that. Everyone loves shooting fellow humans.
*these points are contradicted in the next step.
3: THE MAIN CHARACTER (told you so...)
Well, this is pretty easy. Just like last time, I'll give you some pointers.
A) The 'must-be-a-male' rule still stands. Games like Metroid and Tomb Raider may have girls in them, and be popular, but they also suck. And this is all about the ART, man, not just making moolah (psh, yeah right). Who are they kidding anyway? Girls holding guns? Can you imagine the chaos? There'd be pumping their bathrooms full of lead because "ohmygod THERE'S A SPIDER!!!!". Sheesh.
B) Looks aren't that important, seeing as this is a First Person Shooter and thus you won't see much of the main man. The easiest thing to do is just make your character a stick-man. This has worked very well in several games, such as the recent hit 'Perfect Dark' on the Game Boy Colour. At least, I THINK that's a stick-man. If not...somebody needs to get fired.
C) A name is not neccessary. Titles like Grand Theft Auto 3, Halo and Medal Of Honour have achieved huge commercial success without bothering to give the main characters names.
D) I WILL give you a choice here though: your character MAY or MAY NOT wear gloves. Hands are crucial when it comes to making a great FPS, so make sure they look snazzy. Rubber gloves, painted nails, a huge Rolex watch...it's up to you.
E) The character must have SOMETHING that makes him different. Of course, being a stick-man sort of counts, but you need another idea. Perhaps he could only have one arm, or no head (which could add extra dimensions to the game, such as just a single gun being allowed in your inventory at any one time, and horrible, HORRIBLE sight).
3.5: GUNS
This is pretty easy. You only need a few weapons. Right, let's see...pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle, rocket launcher, and some grenades. There. Done.
4: MARKETING
Another hurdle on which many games fall with one leg either side crushing their nuts and making them cry like a little girl: marketing. Sometimes, it's just plain common sense: Daikatana got slaughtered by magazines. Solution? When release time comes around, send big bags of cash round to all the publishing houses. Also, you'll need a quote or two to put on your box...the easiest way to do this of course is to make them up (although, if you follow the previous advice, you technically COULD get legitimate comments. But that's boring). Here's some quick examples (note the subtle changes in source names to avoid lawsuits!):
"Quite simply the best non-stamp related game ever made! Stunning!" - MamesGaster
"We are grumpy men and love Halo mmmm Halo!!!" - Hedge
"PRETTY CoLORS! I PAINTED MY FACES!!1!" - Bnintendo Official Magazine
Also, take out a few double page spread advertisements in the mags, and especially websites. You'd be surprised at how many sad, sad people read these stupid internet sites about gaming, and post stupid little things on stupid little message boards. Losers.
5: THE SYSTEM(S)
Now this bit is actually quite hard at first glance, but I can help you all out. Should we go with the PS2? Stable, big fan base, but enfuriating button layout regarding the analogue sticks? Or maybe the XBOX, with its HUGE MONSTROUS MOTHER of a controller, and superior graphics engine? Perhaps the Gamecube, with it's itty bitty box and itty bitty pads and itty bitty CDs? Look at the itty bitty CDs! Aww! Look at th--ah yes. All systems have their good points (PS2 has the most owners, XBOX has the Halo crowd gagging for shooting action and Gamecube has the little nine-year-olds that will buy anything) but also have their bad points (PS2 is the hardest to program for, the XBOX is made by Microsoft, and as for the Gamecube...well I won't even go into it). Perhaps naive developers would go for the PS2. Maybe people would pluck for the XBOX and it's powerful...or mthe GCN, because some people are stupid...but you, the INFORMED games maker with this brilliant guide, will just do it for all of them. Because then you get more money, DERRR!!
6: MULTIPLAYER
Fact: all FPSs on home consoles are bought by people who have friends. This is because they know that the Story mode will pretty much suck, and it's more fun killing your friend than a computer generated nasty. So, you may as well just give up on the Story mode and leave it unfinished (I don't know, just have someone scribble 'To Be Continued...' on the end credits)...and start looking at the Multiplayer aspect.
6.33333333333333: MAPS
First of all, take one of the game's maps and add a few doors. Then make it a little bigger...NO not that much...a little bigger, a little big--NO! NO! Smaller! Yes, that's it...and give it a new fancy name. There, you've made your first ever multiplayer map. Next up, just change the textures, move a few crates and weapons, and turn the whole thing around 60 degrees...perfect! That's two maps already! Just keep tinkering about until you have, oh I don't know, seventy maps. Then move on to the next stage:
6.66666666666666: MODES
Everbody needs a deathmatch...so stick it in. Then there's Capture The Flag and King Of The Hill as per usual, and then just add on a few extra variables like time the game lasts, or how many kills you need to win, whether you have radars or not, how many explosions should be triggered when you step on the fourth square in the Jungle's puzzle arena...and you're set. Then make up some more games. Don't be afraid of creativity...I have a few ideas to share:
'Cripple Kill' - one player has a severe handicap (they move half as quickly as the rest of you do, and can only fight with their bare hands), and you have to kill them. Whoever kills the cripple the most times wins.
'Columbine' - You have a small area which is distinguished by being turned bright green. All the characters must be in this area excluding one, who will be the 'teenage psychopath'. This player must then burst into the area, and kill as many people as possible within a set time minute using a shotgun, with no extra ammo.
'Showoff/Horse Mode' - Player 1 must kill Player 2 in a way as imaginative as possible. You score points based on many factors such as where the player is shot, how far back/up they fly, how much blood is spillt etc. and then Player 2 must better, or top the score. Whoever ends up with less points after this gets a letter. If you get the whole word, you lose.
Get the idea? Good, because I'm getting bored.
7: FIN
It's been emotional, folks, but by now you should have made the whole game. So, somehow, it'll end up on the shelves and make you rich...and before you even say it, you're welcome.
...
...
What do you MEAN "You still haven't told us how to make a game in two freaking 'Duffer's Guides'"?
*runs*
----- ----- ------ ------- ------- ------
Hrm. Not as good as the first one, but tell me what you think.
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
Now then, fans of my first Duffer's Guide, which showed you how to create your own amazing game (http://ukchatforums.reserve.co.uk/ display_messages.php?forumid=185&threadid=45521 for all you latecomers) will be glad to hear that I am now about to get specific, and show you how to make your very own console-based first person shooter! All of you sitting there, cursing the likes of Rare and Bungie for making FPSs and reeling in the cash rejoice, for just following these simple steps will get you millions!!!!
Or not.
1: THE NAME
"If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss." Wise words, Cher. Now just switch 'kiss' with 'name', 'his' with 'the', and 'if you wanna know, if he loves you so' with 'when making great FPSs', and you get my key phrase for step 1:
"When making great FPSs, it's in the name."
Half-Life. Ha-lo. Golden-Eye. Qua-ke...or is it Q-uake? Never mind, you get the picture. All the greatest shooters have names with two parts in...and they're almost always a stupidy small part of the game (or, in Quake's case, it has nothing to do with it at all. Why the hell is it called Quake? Was it made by a dyslexic Quaker?), so you have pretty much complete creative control. Just let your brain run wild. Here's some ker-azy ideas:
'Swander-Rocks'
'Give-Him'
'Free-Games'
See? It's easy.
2: THE STORY
Making a FPS is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You usually have a bit of talking at the beginning, so that everybody knows what's going on. Then you do some basic stuff, learning what all the buttons do and looking at the pretty graphics...and then you get into the action, which is of course the most important part. Note that the only 'story' bit in there is the talking at the start. FPSs are also like pornos, in the fact that there's always a photocopying machine that's broken, but the mechanic never ends up fixing it...oh, and that nobody really cares about the story. Now your friends might rant and rave about 'Deus Ex' and other 'amazing' games...but your friends are all stupid. You don't need an engaging plot, or even a likeable main character*...or even a main character*. All you need is lots of guns, and lots of things to use your guns on. Just watch a porno, and steal the story...or, better still, play a shooting game and steal THEIR story. You know, the usual stuff. You're framed for a murder and on the run from the police; your twin brother is missing and it's all tangled up in some terrorism plot; or just the good old aliens-have-landed-so-we-might-as-well-kill-them-all schtick. Like I said, this isn't really important (just padding to make the topic bigger. KIDDING!!).
Oh, and make sure that if you have aliens in there, you have some humans as well. I dunno, scientists or something like that. Everyone loves shooting fellow humans.
*these points are contradicted in the next step.
3: THE MAIN CHARACTER (told you so...)
Well, this is pretty easy. Just like last time, I'll give you some pointers.
A) The 'must-be-a-male' rule still stands. Games like Metroid and Tomb Raider may have girls in them, and be popular, but they also suck. And this is all about the ART, man, not just making moolah (psh, yeah right). Who are they kidding anyway? Girls holding guns? Can you imagine the chaos? There'd be pumping their bathrooms full of lead because "ohmygod THERE'S A SPIDER!!!!". Sheesh.
B) Looks aren't that important, seeing as this is a First Person Shooter and thus you won't see much of the main man. The easiest thing to do is just make your character a stick-man. This has worked very well in several games, such as the recent hit 'Perfect Dark' on the Game Boy Colour. At least, I THINK that's a stick-man. If not...somebody needs to get fired.
C) A name is not neccessary. Titles like Grand Theft Auto 3, Halo and Medal Of Honour have achieved huge commercial success without bothering to give the main characters names.
D) I WILL give you a choice here though: your character MAY or MAY NOT wear gloves. Hands are crucial when it comes to making a great FPS, so make sure they look snazzy. Rubber gloves, painted nails, a huge Rolex watch...it's up to you.
E) The character must have SOMETHING that makes him different. Of course, being a stick-man sort of counts, but you need another idea. Perhaps he could only have one arm, or no head (which could add extra dimensions to the game, such as just a single gun being allowed in your inventory at any one time, and horrible, HORRIBLE sight).
3.5: GUNS
This is pretty easy. You only need a few weapons. Right, let's see...pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle, rocket launcher, and some grenades. There. Done.
4: MARKETING
Another hurdle on which many games fall with one leg either side crushing their nuts and making them cry like a little girl: marketing. Sometimes, it's just plain common sense: Daikatana got slaughtered by magazines. Solution? When release time comes around, send big bags of cash round to all the publishing houses. Also, you'll need a quote or two to put on your box...the easiest way to do this of course is to make them up (although, if you follow the previous advice, you technically COULD get legitimate comments. But that's boring). Here's some quick examples (note the subtle changes in source names to avoid lawsuits!):
"Quite simply the best non-stamp related game ever made! Stunning!" - MamesGaster
"We are grumpy men and love Halo mmmm Halo!!!" - Hedge
"PRETTY CoLORS! I PAINTED MY FACES!!1!" - Bnintendo Official Magazine
Also, take out a few double page spread advertisements in the mags, and especially websites. You'd be surprised at how many sad, sad people read these stupid internet sites about gaming, and post stupid little things on stupid little message boards. Losers.
5: THE SYSTEM(S)
Now this bit is actually quite hard at first glance, but I can help you all out. Should we go with the PS2? Stable, big fan base, but enfuriating button layout regarding the analogue sticks? Or maybe the XBOX, with its HUGE MONSTROUS MOTHER of a controller, and superior graphics engine? Perhaps the Gamecube, with it's itty bitty box and itty bitty pads and itty bitty CDs? Look at the itty bitty CDs! Aww! Look at th--ah yes. All systems have their good points (PS2 has the most owners, XBOX has the Halo crowd gagging for shooting action and Gamecube has the little nine-year-olds that will buy anything) but also have their bad points (PS2 is the hardest to program for, the XBOX is made by Microsoft, and as for the Gamecube...well I won't even go into it). Perhaps naive developers would go for the PS2. Maybe people would pluck for the XBOX and it's powerful...or mthe GCN, because some people are stupid...but you, the INFORMED games maker with this brilliant guide, will just do it for all of them. Because then you get more money, DERRR!!
6: MULTIPLAYER
Fact: all FPSs on home consoles are bought by people who have friends. This is because they know that the Story mode will pretty much suck, and it's more fun killing your friend than a computer generated nasty. So, you may as well just give up on the Story mode and leave it unfinished (I don't know, just have someone scribble 'To Be Continued...' on the end credits)...and start looking at the Multiplayer aspect.
6.33333333333333: MAPS
First of all, take one of the game's maps and add a few doors. Then make it a little bigger...NO not that much...a little bigger, a little big--NO! NO! Smaller! Yes, that's it...and give it a new fancy name. There, you've made your first ever multiplayer map. Next up, just change the textures, move a few crates and weapons, and turn the whole thing around 60 degrees...perfect! That's two maps already! Just keep tinkering about until you have, oh I don't know, seventy maps. Then move on to the next stage:
6.66666666666666: MODES
Everbody needs a deathmatch...so stick it in. Then there's Capture The Flag and King Of The Hill as per usual, and then just add on a few extra variables like time the game lasts, or how many kills you need to win, whether you have radars or not, how many explosions should be triggered when you step on the fourth square in the Jungle's puzzle arena...and you're set. Then make up some more games. Don't be afraid of creativity...I have a few ideas to share:
'Cripple Kill' - one player has a severe handicap (they move half as quickly as the rest of you do, and can only fight with their bare hands), and you have to kill them. Whoever kills the cripple the most times wins.
'Columbine' - You have a small area which is distinguished by being turned bright green. All the characters must be in this area excluding one, who will be the 'teenage psychopath'. This player must then burst into the area, and kill as many people as possible within a set time minute using a shotgun, with no extra ammo.
'Showoff/Horse Mode' - Player 1 must kill Player 2 in a way as imaginative as possible. You score points based on many factors such as where the player is shot, how far back/up they fly, how much blood is spillt etc. and then Player 2 must better, or top the score. Whoever ends up with less points after this gets a letter. If you get the whole word, you lose.
Get the idea? Good, because I'm getting bored.
7: FIN
It's been emotional, folks, but by now you should have made the whole game. So, somehow, it'll end up on the shelves and make you rich...and before you even say it, you're welcome.
...
...
What do you MEAN "You still haven't told us how to make a game in two freaking 'Duffer's Guides'"?
*runs*
----- ----- ------ ------- ------- ------
Hrm. Not as good as the first one, but tell me what you think.
Or not.
1: THE NAME
"If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss." Wise words, Cher. Now just switch 'kiss' with 'name', 'his' with 'the', and 'if you wanna know, if he loves you so' with 'when making great FPSs', and you get my key phrase for step 1:
"When making great FPSs, it's in the name."
Half-Life. Ha-lo. Golden-Eye. Qua-ke...or is it Q-uake? Never mind, you get the picture. All the greatest shooters have names with two parts in...and they're almost always a stupidy small part of the game (or, in Quake's case, it has nothing to do with it at all. Why the hell is it called Quake? Was it made by a dyslexic Quaker?), so you have pretty much complete creative control. Just let your brain run wild. Here's some ker-azy ideas:
'Swander-Rocks'
'Give-Him'
'Free-Games'
See? It's easy.
2: THE STORY
Making a FPS is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You usually have a bit of talking at the beginning, so that everybody knows what's going on. Then you do some basic stuff, learning what all the buttons do and looking at the pretty graphics...and then you get into the action, which is of course the most important part. Note that the only 'story' bit in there is the talking at the start. FPSs are also like pornos, in the fact that there's always a photocopying machine that's broken, but the mechanic never ends up fixing it...oh, and that nobody really cares about the story. Now your friends might rant and rave about 'Deus Ex' and other 'amazing' games...but your friends are all stupid. You don't need an engaging plot, or even a likeable main character*...or even a main character*. All you need is lots of guns, and lots of things to use your guns on. Just watch a porno, and steal the story...or, better still, play a shooting game and steal THEIR story. You know, the usual stuff. You're framed for a murder and on the run from the police; your twin brother is missing and it's all tangled up in some terrorism plot; or just the good old aliens-have-landed-so-we-might-as-well-kill-them-all schtick. Like I said, this isn't really important (just padding to make the topic bigger. KIDDING!!).
Oh, and make sure that if you have aliens in there, you have some humans as well. I dunno, scientists or something like that. Everyone loves shooting fellow humans.
*these points are contradicted in the next step.
3: THE MAIN CHARACTER (told you so...)
Well, this is pretty easy. Just like last time, I'll give you some pointers.
A) The 'must-be-a-male' rule still stands. Games like Metroid and Tomb Raider may have girls in them, and be popular, but they also suck. And this is all about the ART, man, not just making moolah (psh, yeah right). Who are they kidding anyway? Girls holding guns? Can you imagine the chaos? There'd be pumping their bathrooms full of lead because "ohmygod THERE'S A SPIDER!!!!". Sheesh.
B) Looks aren't that important, seeing as this is a First Person Shooter and thus you won't see much of the main man. The easiest thing to do is just make your character a stick-man. This has worked very well in several games, such as the recent hit 'Perfect Dark' on the Game Boy Colour. At least, I THINK that's a stick-man. If not...somebody needs to get fired.
C) A name is not neccessary. Titles like Grand Theft Auto 3, Halo and Medal Of Honour have achieved huge commercial success without bothering to give the main characters names.
D) I WILL give you a choice here though: your character MAY or MAY NOT wear gloves. Hands are crucial when it comes to making a great FPS, so make sure they look snazzy. Rubber gloves, painted nails, a huge Rolex watch...it's up to you.
E) The character must have SOMETHING that makes him different. Of course, being a stick-man sort of counts, but you need another idea. Perhaps he could only have one arm, or no head (which could add extra dimensions to the game, such as just a single gun being allowed in your inventory at any one time, and horrible, HORRIBLE sight).
3.5: GUNS
This is pretty easy. You only need a few weapons. Right, let's see...pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle, rocket launcher, and some grenades. There. Done.
4: MARKETING
Another hurdle on which many games fall with one leg either side crushing their nuts and making them cry like a little girl: marketing. Sometimes, it's just plain common sense: Daikatana got slaughtered by magazines. Solution? When release time comes around, send big bags of cash round to all the publishing houses. Also, you'll need a quote or two to put on your box...the easiest way to do this of course is to make them up (although, if you follow the previous advice, you technically COULD get legitimate comments. But that's boring). Here's some quick examples (note the subtle changes in source names to avoid lawsuits!):
"Quite simply the best non-stamp related game ever made! Stunning!" - MamesGaster
"We are grumpy men and love Halo mmmm Halo!!!" - Hedge
"PRETTY CoLORS! I PAINTED MY FACES!!1!" - Bnintendo Official Magazine
Also, take out a few double page spread advertisements in the mags, and especially websites. You'd be surprised at how many sad, sad people read these stupid internet sites about gaming, and post stupid little things on stupid little message boards. Losers.
5: THE SYSTEM(S)
Now this bit is actually quite hard at first glance, but I can help you all out. Should we go with the PS2? Stable, big fan base, but enfuriating button layout regarding the analogue sticks? Or maybe the XBOX, with its HUGE MONSTROUS MOTHER of a controller, and superior graphics engine? Perhaps the Gamecube, with it's itty bitty box and itty bitty pads and itty bitty CDs? Look at the itty bitty CDs! Aww! Look at th--ah yes. All systems have their good points (PS2 has the most owners, XBOX has the Halo crowd gagging for shooting action and Gamecube has the little nine-year-olds that will buy anything) but also have their bad points (PS2 is the hardest to program for, the XBOX is made by Microsoft, and as for the Gamecube...well I won't even go into it). Perhaps naive developers would go for the PS2. Maybe people would pluck for the XBOX and it's powerful...or mthe GCN, because some people are stupid...but you, the INFORMED games maker with this brilliant guide, will just do it for all of them. Because then you get more money, DERRR!!
6: MULTIPLAYER
Fact: all FPSs on home consoles are bought by people who have friends. This is because they know that the Story mode will pretty much suck, and it's more fun killing your friend than a computer generated nasty. So, you may as well just give up on the Story mode and leave it unfinished (I don't know, just have someone scribble 'To Be Continued...' on the end credits)...and start looking at the Multiplayer aspect.
6.33333333333333: MAPS
First of all, take one of the game's maps and add a few doors. Then make it a little bigger...NO not that much...a little bigger, a little big--NO! NO! Smaller! Yes, that's it...and give it a new fancy name. There, you've made your first ever multiplayer map. Next up, just change the textures, move a few crates and weapons, and turn the whole thing around 60 degrees...perfect! That's two maps already! Just keep tinkering about until you have, oh I don't know, seventy maps. Then move on to the next stage:
6.66666666666666: MODES
Everbody needs a deathmatch...so stick it in. Then there's Capture The Flag and King Of The Hill as per usual, and then just add on a few extra variables like time the game lasts, or how many kills you need to win, whether you have radars or not, how many explosions should be triggered when you step on the fourth square in the Jungle's puzzle arena...and you're set. Then make up some more games. Don't be afraid of creativity...I have a few ideas to share:
'Cripple Kill' - one player has a severe handicap (they move half as quickly as the rest of you do, and can only fight with their bare hands), and you have to kill them. Whoever kills the cripple the most times wins.
'Columbine' - You have a small area which is distinguished by being turned bright green. All the characters must be in this area excluding one, who will be the 'teenage psychopath'. This player must then burst into the area, and kill as many people as possible within a set time minute using a shotgun, with no extra ammo.
'Showoff/Horse Mode' - Player 1 must kill Player 2 in a way as imaginative as possible. You score points based on many factors such as where the player is shot, how far back/up they fly, how much blood is spillt etc. and then Player 2 must better, or top the score. Whoever ends up with less points after this gets a letter. If you get the whole word, you lose.
Get the idea? Good, because I'm getting bored.
7: FIN
It's been emotional, folks, but by now you should have made the whole game. So, somehow, it'll end up on the shelves and make you rich...and before you even say it, you're welcome.
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What do you MEAN "You still haven't told us how to make a game in two freaking 'Duffer's Guides'"?
*runs*
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Hrm. Not as good as the first one, but tell me what you think.