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In a shock announcement today, a Government spokes-homosapien has issued a statement proclaiming:
“all video games are to be banned with immediate effect, in an attempt to rectify the deterioration of our society within Britain. Alarming new statistics published by our numbers boffins have clearly shown that the rise in popularity in computer games, has been matched by a rise in Crime, Traffic congestion, NHS waiting lists, Social Security claims and Immigration figures. This cannot be simple co-incidence and suggests an irrevocable and undeniable correlation.”
It was widely agreed that the graph shown did seem to overwhelming substantiate his claim, the red crayon line representing game popularity growth was clearly going “up” whilst then other lines in blue biro, green felt tip, yellow highlighter, black paint and tipex, were also “upping”.
Several eminent Professors of Psychology, Sociology and Economics roundly supported the Government’s case, arguing that gaming should be eradicated using big words and long sentences.
In order to provide a fair and balanced discussion, the game-playing population was also represented, in talks with the Deputy Prime Minister’s Deputy Dog Impersonator, by Dominic Diamond and two Juvenile delinquents who were on day release from their young offender’s institute at the time.
Diamond issued the following vitriolic condemnation of the Government’s proposals in a manner akin to the morning after twelve pints of lager, one large Chicken Madras and a pariah of popadoms:
“It’s very silly really”.
The two Young Offenders also issued a joint statement (written on Rizla paper and later smoked) eulogising:
“I love me PS2. On Grand Theft you can whack people with baseball bats and nick their cars and run over people and you can also sleep with pro..”
The statement at this point started burning fiercely and they were unable to continue. Several minutes later they had stolen a nearby bus and were of to Blackpool to “run over some donkeys”.
The argument was in the balance until Claire Raynor swung it for the Government:
“I’ve been on TV and have provided so much patronising and condescending advice to people that I am very well qualified to make comment on this issue. All games should be destroyed forthwith as they ruin the minds of young people. They promote imagination, creativity, individuality and fun, whilst distracting people from the true misery of our transient existence. Why do you think that the BBC show EastEnders? Why should people decide what to do with their own lives when people like me are on hand to provide meaningless guidance?”
When challenged she responded:
“Well of course I’ve never seen or played a computer game, but you have to question the mentality of anyone who wishes play a game called Dune, in which I’m told (by her neighbour Enith) people use shotguns to shoot Zombies and Goblins and people’s pets”.
An embarrassed ex-Government employee later gave the following retraction:
“after careful examination of the graph it has come to our attention that the Red Crayon was in fact lipstick, which totally ridicules the nature of our argument. How can anyone take a proposal seriously if lip application cosmetics are used as an indicator of exponential growth?"
“all video games are to be banned with immediate effect, in an attempt to rectify the deterioration of our society within Britain. Alarming new statistics published by our numbers boffins have clearly shown that the rise in popularity in computer games, has been matched by a rise in Crime, Traffic congestion, NHS waiting lists, Social Security claims and Immigration figures. This cannot be simple co-incidence and suggests an irrevocable and undeniable correlation.”
It was widely agreed that the graph shown did seem to overwhelming substantiate his claim, the red crayon line representing game popularity growth was clearly going “up” whilst then other lines in blue biro, green felt tip, yellow highlighter, black paint and tipex, were also “upping”.
Several eminent Professors of Psychology, Sociology and Economics roundly supported the Government’s case, arguing that gaming should be eradicated using big words and long sentences.
In order to provide a fair and balanced discussion, the game-playing population was also represented, in talks with the Deputy Prime Minister’s Deputy Dog Impersonator, by Dominic Diamond and two Juvenile delinquents who were on day release from their young offender’s institute at the time.
Diamond issued the following vitriolic condemnation of the Government’s proposals in a manner akin to the morning after twelve pints of lager, one large Chicken Madras and a pariah of popadoms:
“It’s very silly really”.
The two Young Offenders also issued a joint statement (written on Rizla paper and later smoked) eulogising:
“I love me PS2. On Grand Theft you can whack people with baseball bats and nick their cars and run over people and you can also sleep with pro..”
The statement at this point started burning fiercely and they were unable to continue. Several minutes later they had stolen a nearby bus and were of to Blackpool to “run over some donkeys”.
The argument was in the balance until Claire Raynor swung it for the Government:
“I’ve been on TV and have provided so much patronising and condescending advice to people that I am very well qualified to make comment on this issue. All games should be destroyed forthwith as they ruin the minds of young people. They promote imagination, creativity, individuality and fun, whilst distracting people from the true misery of our transient existence. Why do you think that the BBC show EastEnders? Why should people decide what to do with their own lives when people like me are on hand to provide meaningless guidance?”
When challenged she responded:
“Well of course I’ve never seen or played a computer game, but you have to question the mentality of anyone who wishes play a game called Dune, in which I’m told (by her neighbour Enith) people use shotguns to shoot Zombies and Goblins and people’s pets”.
An embarrassed ex-Government employee later gave the following retraction:
“after careful examination of the graph it has come to our attention that the Red Crayon was in fact lipstick, which totally ridicules the nature of our argument. How can anyone take a proposal seriously if lip application cosmetics are used as an indicator of exponential growth?"
lol, I can just see the government now claiming that if all forms of entertainment are banned, crime will go away. Good post.
LOL - Nice One....
In a shock announcement today, a Government spokes-homosapien has issued a statement proclaiming:
“all video games are to be banned with immediate effect, in an attempt to rectify the deterioration of our society within Britain. Alarming new statistics published by our numbers boffins have clearly shown that the rise in popularity in computer games, has been matched by a rise in Crime, Traffic congestion, NHS waiting lists, Social Security claims and Immigration figures. This cannot be simple co-incidence and suggests an irrevocable and undeniable correlation.”
It was widely agreed that the graph shown did seem to overwhelming substantiate his claim, the red crayon line representing game popularity growth was clearly going “up” whilst then other lines in blue biro, green felt tip, yellow highlighter, black paint and tipex, were also “upping”.
Several eminent Professors of Psychology, Sociology and Economics roundly supported the Government’s case, arguing that gaming should be eradicated using big words and long sentences.
In order to provide a fair and balanced discussion, the game-playing population was also represented, in talks with the Deputy Prime Minister’s Deputy Dog Impersonator, by Dominic Diamond and two Juvenile delinquents who were on day release from their young offender’s institute at the time.
Diamond issued the following vitriolic condemnation of the Government’s proposals in a manner akin to the morning after twelve pints of lager, one large Chicken Madras and a pariah of popadoms:
“It’s very silly really”.
The two Young Offenders also issued a joint statement (written on Rizla paper and later smoked) eulogising:
“I love me PS2. On Grand Theft you can whack people with baseball bats and nick their cars and run over people and you can also sleep with pro..”
The statement at this point started burning fiercely and they were unable to continue. Several minutes later they had stolen a nearby bus and were of to Blackpool to “run over some donkeys”.
The argument was in the balance until Claire Raynor swung it for the Government:
“I’ve been on TV and have provided so much patronising and condescending advice to people that I am very well qualified to make comment on this issue. All games should be destroyed forthwith as they ruin the minds of young people. They promote imagination, creativity, individuality and fun, whilst distracting people from the true misery of our transient existence. Why do you think that the BBC show EastEnders? Why should people decide what to do with their own lives when people like me are on hand to provide meaningless guidance?”
When challenged she responded:
“Well of course I’ve never seen or played a computer game, but you have to question the mentality of anyone who wishes play a game called Dune, in which I’m told (by her neighbour Enith) people use shotguns to shoot Zombies and Goblins and people’s pets”.
An embarrassed ex-Government employee later gave the following retraction:
“after careful examination of the graph it has come to our attention that the Red Crayon was in fact lipstick, which totally ridicules the nature of our argument. How can anyone take a proposal seriously if lip application cosmetics are used as an indicator of exponential growth?"
“all video games are to be banned with immediate effect, in an attempt to rectify the deterioration of our society within Britain. Alarming new statistics published by our numbers boffins have clearly shown that the rise in popularity in computer games, has been matched by a rise in Crime, Traffic congestion, NHS waiting lists, Social Security claims and Immigration figures. This cannot be simple co-incidence and suggests an irrevocable and undeniable correlation.”
It was widely agreed that the graph shown did seem to overwhelming substantiate his claim, the red crayon line representing game popularity growth was clearly going “up” whilst then other lines in blue biro, green felt tip, yellow highlighter, black paint and tipex, were also “upping”.
Several eminent Professors of Psychology, Sociology and Economics roundly supported the Government’s case, arguing that gaming should be eradicated using big words and long sentences.
In order to provide a fair and balanced discussion, the game-playing population was also represented, in talks with the Deputy Prime Minister’s Deputy Dog Impersonator, by Dominic Diamond and two Juvenile delinquents who were on day release from their young offender’s institute at the time.
Diamond issued the following vitriolic condemnation of the Government’s proposals in a manner akin to the morning after twelve pints of lager, one large Chicken Madras and a pariah of popadoms:
“It’s very silly really”.
The two Young Offenders also issued a joint statement (written on Rizla paper and later smoked) eulogising:
“I love me PS2. On Grand Theft you can whack people with baseball bats and nick their cars and run over people and you can also sleep with pro..”
The statement at this point started burning fiercely and they were unable to continue. Several minutes later they had stolen a nearby bus and were of to Blackpool to “run over some donkeys”.
The argument was in the balance until Claire Raynor swung it for the Government:
“I’ve been on TV and have provided so much patronising and condescending advice to people that I am very well qualified to make comment on this issue. All games should be destroyed forthwith as they ruin the minds of young people. They promote imagination, creativity, individuality and fun, whilst distracting people from the true misery of our transient existence. Why do you think that the BBC show EastEnders? Why should people decide what to do with their own lives when people like me are on hand to provide meaningless guidance?”
When challenged she responded:
“Well of course I’ve never seen or played a computer game, but you have to question the mentality of anyone who wishes play a game called Dune, in which I’m told (by her neighbour Enith) people use shotguns to shoot Zombies and Goblins and people’s pets”.
An embarrassed ex-Government employee later gave the following retraction:
“after careful examination of the graph it has come to our attention that the Red Crayon was in fact lipstick, which totally ridicules the nature of our argument. How can anyone take a proposal seriously if lip application cosmetics are used as an indicator of exponential growth?"