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I'm here to tell you about a spanking new addition to your home PC/console. A super-realism module, that is either installed via CD on your PC, or inserted into a memory card port or similar for your console.
Once activated, it gives all your favourite games super realism settings which make it as close to real life as possible.
Here are some of the amazing effects it had on my games :
Metal Gear Solid 2
------------------
1) Occasionally while using your codec, the transmission will go fuzzy, and sometimes will pick up a 14 year old boy chatting to his girlfriend on the phone. Also, after 20 minutes of using the codec, the battery will run out.
2) When sneaking up behind a guard, occasionally snake will fart, giving himself away. This leads to the guard investigating ("What was that smell just now?"), and commenting on the foulness of odour in the vicinity.
3) One occasion, I was playing, and I was contacted on the codec, and told that my operatives mission was to be cut short, due to funding for the project being re-directed to the NHS for infant vaccination programs.
Grand theft auto 3
------------------
1) While driving around liberty city, my stolen car was spotted by a police officer with a radar detection gun, registering my speed at over 100mph. Flooring it, to get away, I went down a road that had recently been dug up to put in phone cable. The resurfacing people had done a very poor job. The suspension broke, my head hit the steering wheel, knocking me out, and I was quickly apprehended by an overweight copper on a motorcycle.
2) While running down a main street late at night, some drunken idiot standing outside a club bottled me, knocking me out, before stamping on my head several times, forcing me to spend several weeks in hospital.
3) While aiming at a gang lords head with my trusty sniper rifle, my actions were caught on CCTV, and within moments a large armoured ford transit van was screeching to a halt just metres away. After telling the police I would put the gun down, they decided to put 6 bullets in my chest anyway.
Red Alert 2/ Yuris Revenge
--------------------------
1) Your tanks occasionally will run out of ammo and fuel, but because getting re-supply trucks out to their remote locations is near impossible, your troops will simply burn the tanks to avoid them falling into enemy hands, and scurry back home, cursing the guy who sent them there.
2) When receiving enemy fire from v3 rockets or similar, your patriot missile defences do little to stop them hitting your base, due to the fact that they are very badly designed, even though they cost the government millions of pounds to produce. The leaders of the country will of course deny this, in new cut scenes.
3) When dropping an atomic bomb on your enemy, it not only wipes out their whole base, and any neighbouring bases, but the fall out travels on prevailing winds back to your side of the map, causing militia and civilians to die slow painful deaths, and their offspring to also be affected for generations.
Black and White
---------------
1) Your followers make amazing advances in technology, and once everyone has a microwave, TV, sky box, PC, PS2 and fridge in their houses, they dismiss you (their god) as being fiction, choosing instead to believe in evolution, and hence banishing you to oblivion forever.
2) Your followers do not understand your creature, and decide therefore it must be evil, punishing it in the same way as a witch and burning it at the stake. There is a great feast afterwards and your creature is the main course. Nobody goes cold that winter as there is still plenty of animal skin left, despite the fire, to make great coats.
3) One of your old best friends turns them all against you. Now he is running the show, 'your' planet has a nice coating of fire and brimstone in place of all those trees and grass.
Super Mario N64
---------------
1) Mario cannot jump on enemies, as his weight problem has over the years took its toll on his agility. Upon trying though, the poor man suffers a coronary and the familiar Game Over screen appears.
2) Upon killing a turtle, mario is busted by the RSPCA and informed that such an act carries a stiff penalty and perhaps a custodial sentence.
3) The princess gets herself a good looking fella, and mario takes his own life in a seedy motel room.
I'm sorry, I really am...
Once activated, it gives all your favourite games super realism settings which make it as close to real life as possible.
Here are some of the amazing effects it had on my games :
Metal Gear Solid 2
------------------
1) Occasionally while using your codec, the transmission will go fuzzy, and sometimes will pick up a 14 year old boy chatting to his girlfriend on the phone. Also, after 20 minutes of using the codec, the battery will run out.
2) When sneaking up behind a guard, occasionally snake will fart, giving himself away. This leads to the guard investigating ("What was that smell just now?"), and commenting on the foulness of odour in the vicinity.
3) One occasion, I was playing, and I was contacted on the codec, and told that my operatives mission was to be cut short, due to funding for the project being re-directed to the NHS for infant vaccination programs.
Grand theft auto 3
------------------
1) While driving around liberty city, my stolen car was spotted by a police officer with a radar detection gun, registering my speed at over 100mph. Flooring it, to get away, I went down a road that had recently been dug up to put in phone cable. The resurfacing people had done a very poor job. The suspension broke, my head hit the steering wheel, knocking me out, and I was quickly apprehended by an overweight copper on a motorcycle.
2) While running down a main street late at night, some drunken idiot standing outside a club bottled me, knocking me out, before stamping on my head several times, forcing me to spend several weeks in hospital.
3) While aiming at a gang lords head with my trusty sniper rifle, my actions were caught on CCTV, and within moments a large armoured ford transit van was screeching to a halt just metres away. After telling the police I would put the gun down, they decided to put 6 bullets in my chest anyway.
Red Alert 2/ Yuris Revenge
--------------------------
1) Your tanks occasionally will run out of ammo and fuel, but because getting re-supply trucks out to their remote locations is near impossible, your troops will simply burn the tanks to avoid them falling into enemy hands, and scurry back home, cursing the guy who sent them there.
2) When receiving enemy fire from v3 rockets or similar, your patriot missile defences do little to stop them hitting your base, due to the fact that they are very badly designed, even though they cost the government millions of pounds to produce. The leaders of the country will of course deny this, in new cut scenes.
3) When dropping an atomic bomb on your enemy, it not only wipes out their whole base, and any neighbouring bases, but the fall out travels on prevailing winds back to your side of the map, causing militia and civilians to die slow painful deaths, and their offspring to also be affected for generations.
Black and White
---------------
1) Your followers make amazing advances in technology, and once everyone has a microwave, TV, sky box, PC, PS2 and fridge in their houses, they dismiss you (their god) as being fiction, choosing instead to believe in evolution, and hence banishing you to oblivion forever.
2) Your followers do not understand your creature, and decide therefore it must be evil, punishing it in the same way as a witch and burning it at the stake. There is a great feast afterwards and your creature is the main course. Nobody goes cold that winter as there is still plenty of animal skin left, despite the fire, to make great coats.
3) One of your old best friends turns them all against you. Now he is running the show, 'your' planet has a nice coating of fire and brimstone in place of all those trees and grass.
Super Mario N64
---------------
1) Mario cannot jump on enemies, as his weight problem has over the years took its toll on his agility. Upon trying though, the poor man suffers a coronary and the familiar Game Over screen appears.
2) Upon killing a turtle, mario is busted by the RSPCA and informed that such an act carries a stiff penalty and perhaps a custodial sentence.
3) The princess gets herself a good looking fella, and mario takes his own life in a seedy motel room.
I'm sorry, I really am...
I'm here to tell you about a spanking new addition to your home PC/console. A super-realism module, that is either installed via CD on your PC, or inserted into a memory card port or similar for your console.
Once activated, it gives all your favourite games super realism settings which make it as close to real life as possible.
Here are some of the amazing effects it had on my games :
Metal Gear Solid 2
------------------
1) Occasionally while using your codec, the transmission will go fuzzy, and sometimes will pick up a 14 year old boy chatting to his girlfriend on the phone. Also, after 20 minutes of using the codec, the battery will run out.
2) When sneaking up behind a guard, occasionally snake will fart, giving himself away. This leads to the guard investigating ("What was that smell just now?"), and commenting on the foulness of odour in the vicinity.
3) One occasion, I was playing, and I was contacted on the codec, and told that my operatives mission was to be cut short, due to funding for the project being re-directed to the NHS for infant vaccination programs.
Grand theft auto 3
------------------
1) While driving around liberty city, my stolen car was spotted by a police officer with a radar detection gun, registering my speed at over 100mph. Flooring it, to get away, I went down a road that had recently been dug up to put in phone cable. The resurfacing people had done a very poor job. The suspension broke, my head hit the steering wheel, knocking me out, and I was quickly apprehended by an overweight copper on a motorcycle.
2) While running down a main street late at night, some drunken idiot standing outside a club bottled me, knocking me out, before stamping on my head several times, forcing me to spend several weeks in hospital.
3) While aiming at a gang lords head with my trusty sniper rifle, my actions were caught on CCTV, and within moments a large armoured ford transit van was screeching to a halt just metres away. After telling the police I would put the gun down, they decided to put 6 bullets in my chest anyway.
Red Alert 2/ Yuris Revenge
--------------------------
1) Your tanks occasionally will run out of ammo and fuel, but because getting re-supply trucks out to their remote locations is near impossible, your troops will simply burn the tanks to avoid them falling into enemy hands, and scurry back home, cursing the guy who sent them there.
2) When receiving enemy fire from v3 rockets or similar, your patriot missile defences do little to stop them hitting your base, due to the fact that they are very badly designed, even though they cost the government millions of pounds to produce. The leaders of the country will of course deny this, in new cut scenes.
3) When dropping an atomic bomb on your enemy, it not only wipes out their whole base, and any neighbouring bases, but the fall out travels on prevailing winds back to your side of the map, causing militia and civilians to die slow painful deaths, and their offspring to also be affected for generations.
Black and White
---------------
1) Your followers make amazing advances in technology, and once everyone has a microwave, TV, sky box, PC, PS2 and fridge in their houses, they dismiss you (their god) as being fiction, choosing instead to believe in evolution, and hence banishing you to oblivion forever.
2) Your followers do not understand your creature, and decide therefore it must be evil, punishing it in the same way as a witch and burning it at the stake. There is a great feast afterwards and your creature is the main course. Nobody goes cold that winter as there is still plenty of animal skin left, despite the fire, to make great coats.
3) One of your old best friends turns them all against you. Now he is running the show, 'your' planet has a nice coating of fire and brimstone in place of all those trees and grass.
Super Mario N64
---------------
1) Mario cannot jump on enemies, as his weight problem has over the years took its toll on his agility. Upon trying though, the poor man suffers a coronary and the familiar Game Over screen appears.
2) Upon killing a turtle, mario is busted by the RSPCA and informed that such an act carries a stiff penalty and perhaps a custodial sentence.
3) The princess gets herself a good looking fella, and mario takes his own life in a seedy motel room.
I'm sorry, I really am...
Once activated, it gives all your favourite games super realism settings which make it as close to real life as possible.
Here are some of the amazing effects it had on my games :
Metal Gear Solid 2
------------------
1) Occasionally while using your codec, the transmission will go fuzzy, and sometimes will pick up a 14 year old boy chatting to his girlfriend on the phone. Also, after 20 minutes of using the codec, the battery will run out.
2) When sneaking up behind a guard, occasionally snake will fart, giving himself away. This leads to the guard investigating ("What was that smell just now?"), and commenting on the foulness of odour in the vicinity.
3) One occasion, I was playing, and I was contacted on the codec, and told that my operatives mission was to be cut short, due to funding for the project being re-directed to the NHS for infant vaccination programs.
Grand theft auto 3
------------------
1) While driving around liberty city, my stolen car was spotted by a police officer with a radar detection gun, registering my speed at over 100mph. Flooring it, to get away, I went down a road that had recently been dug up to put in phone cable. The resurfacing people had done a very poor job. The suspension broke, my head hit the steering wheel, knocking me out, and I was quickly apprehended by an overweight copper on a motorcycle.
2) While running down a main street late at night, some drunken idiot standing outside a club bottled me, knocking me out, before stamping on my head several times, forcing me to spend several weeks in hospital.
3) While aiming at a gang lords head with my trusty sniper rifle, my actions were caught on CCTV, and within moments a large armoured ford transit van was screeching to a halt just metres away. After telling the police I would put the gun down, they decided to put 6 bullets in my chest anyway.
Red Alert 2/ Yuris Revenge
--------------------------
1) Your tanks occasionally will run out of ammo and fuel, but because getting re-supply trucks out to their remote locations is near impossible, your troops will simply burn the tanks to avoid them falling into enemy hands, and scurry back home, cursing the guy who sent them there.
2) When receiving enemy fire from v3 rockets or similar, your patriot missile defences do little to stop them hitting your base, due to the fact that they are very badly designed, even though they cost the government millions of pounds to produce. The leaders of the country will of course deny this, in new cut scenes.
3) When dropping an atomic bomb on your enemy, it not only wipes out their whole base, and any neighbouring bases, but the fall out travels on prevailing winds back to your side of the map, causing militia and civilians to die slow painful deaths, and their offspring to also be affected for generations.
Black and White
---------------
1) Your followers make amazing advances in technology, and once everyone has a microwave, TV, sky box, PC, PS2 and fridge in their houses, they dismiss you (their god) as being fiction, choosing instead to believe in evolution, and hence banishing you to oblivion forever.
2) Your followers do not understand your creature, and decide therefore it must be evil, punishing it in the same way as a witch and burning it at the stake. There is a great feast afterwards and your creature is the main course. Nobody goes cold that winter as there is still plenty of animal skin left, despite the fire, to make great coats.
3) One of your old best friends turns them all against you. Now he is running the show, 'your' planet has a nice coating of fire and brimstone in place of all those trees and grass.
Super Mario N64
---------------
1) Mario cannot jump on enemies, as his weight problem has over the years took its toll on his agility. Upon trying though, the poor man suffers a coronary and the familiar Game Over screen appears.
2) Upon killing a turtle, mario is busted by the RSPCA and informed that such an act carries a stiff penalty and perhaps a custodial sentence.
3) The princess gets herself a good looking fella, and mario takes his own life in a seedy motel room.
I'm sorry, I really am...
Haha!
Good post man, well done.
Good post man, well done.
Brilliant :)
Those add-onds might just make MGS2 a worth while game...nah..
Those add-onds might just make MGS2 a worth while game...nah..
Excellent post! Some of those are ingenious!