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Day 1
Twelve people are selected and taken into the Big Brother house where they are informed by Big Brother
"This is Big Brother. As you know the Big Brother system has changed radically. The ratings of this television show has revealed that a large population of this country is obviously brain dead and have nothing better to do then to watch twelve contestants live in a house, eat food, and talk doing exactly what real people do. The government has claimed that they are worried that the UK is becoming less intellectual, and we have decided to help solve this problem by cutting down the number of braindead people in the UK. Congratulations to you all, you have been chosen as the first contestants for Big Brother Battle Royale.."
The contestants at which point jump off their sofas, stop complaining about how they thought it was going to be different and like blinking and other mediocre things and generally look shocked.
One of the contestants starts moaning (yes I know they moan normally but this time this one is really moaning). He actually swears at Big Brother before one of the cameras doubles out into a massive sentry gun and pumps lead into the contestant.
11 Contestants.
The others start screaming.
Big Brother warns them that if they continue screaming they will lose this weeks task. They shut up immediately.
Day 3
The housemates have settled down quite nicely, and have got a massive audience after the suprise execution of one of the housemates on the first day. It's now nomination day...
The housemates nominate each other one by one.
Day 5
After loads of people with obviously nothing better to do have jammed phone lines, and text messages, the evictee is revealed. Text messages were jammed and due to an error in the system many people got notifications that they had voted for someone they hadn't, for example someone got a notification that he had voted for the Liberal Democrats.
The evictee trying to look really cool leaves the house all smiley. The next thing they know is Davina McCall has put a sack over their head, and the seat he is actually sitting in turns out to be an electric chair. Millions of idiots tune in to see the first evictee executed.
10 contestants
Day 7
This weeks task involves constructing a weapon from the items in the house. The "contestants" violently attack one another, till they are very badly injured. One is bleeding badly, however the Big Brother doctor sorts it out with some bandages. Then he is thrown back in. Big Brother gives them some stuff to get food with.
Day 12
Another eviction day, the evictee is publicly executed. The nation cheers. Several million more people tune in to see Big Brother put to justice.
9 contestants
Day 13
This weeks task involves walking over a bed of nails. The task is failed when one of the contestants tries it and gets impaled on several nails.
She collapses in shock and is removed from the house.
8 contestants
Another idiot moves in.
9 contestants
Day 17
One of the contestants up for eviction claims that she didn't realise Big Brother was going to be so mean this year and decides to leave the house. After successfully climbing over the fence she is chased by a dog and violently torn apart.
8 contestants
Day 19
After the only other nomination escaped the Big Brother house, the remaining nomination leaves by default. Instead of the cheering and banners he hoped for, he is dropped in a tank of piranhas and eaten alive.
7 contestants
Day 24
The housemates wake up to being locked in cages around their beds. Their task involves poking one another with some fire pokers that also happen to be near their bed. The housemates poke one another, eventually one of them asks "Why are we doing this, it's not like being forced" and as she says so she is stabbed by a poker and dies.
6 contestants
Day 26
Five of the 6 nominations were up for eviction this week. Only one goes out though with a massive 65% of the votes. He is put into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson and beaten till unconscious. He then has his head bit off when Tyson goes for his ear and misses.
Day 29
The housemates visit the diary room, where Big Brother tells one of them that like in a previous Big Brother they will be given two dogs to teach tricks to in a week. Relieved to have a good task the housemate thanks Big Brother immensely.
Several hours later, a housemate opens the diary room. A Pitbull Terrier and a Rotweiler jump out on to the housemate and violently bite her. They then run around chasing the housemates. They eventually look themselves in the toilet for several days.
Day 31
The housemates are still in the toilet and the Rotweiler and Pitbull Terrier have nearly bitten through the door.
Housemates have been living by climbing out of the bathroom window and running around to the kitchen. The housemates also make mad dashes to the diary room when Big Brother cruelly calls them over. One of the housemates loses a leg, another dies.
5 contestants
Day 33
The dogs are put down by some highly skilled professionals on eviction day. The contestants are disappointed they failed their task. The evictee is led away to a space centre where they are strapped into a rocket. The rocket is aimed at the moon... whether that contestant will live to see the moon no one knows.
Day 35
The contestants get suspicious when they are not called for nominations.
Day 40
Big Brother announces it is time for the final showdown. The contestants must visit the diary room one by one to pick up some weaponry. In what turns out to be the best television moments ever, the housemates attack each other, until there is one person left standing.
The winner is told to leave the house by Big Brother immediately.
Leaving covered in blood and with tears streaming from their eyes, Davina McCall comforts her. She hands the winner a cheque for £70,000. The contestant stops crying and announces "Wow, that's a lot of money for a dumbo like me."
The winner lives through the next few years in a hell where nobody cares about him/her anymore. Her/his 5 minutes of fame are gone.
Twelve people are selected and taken into the Big Brother house where they are informed by Big Brother
"This is Big Brother. As you know the Big Brother system has changed radically. The ratings of this television show has revealed that a large population of this country is obviously brain dead and have nothing better to do then to watch twelve contestants live in a house, eat food, and talk doing exactly what real people do. The government has claimed that they are worried that the UK is becoming less intellectual, and we have decided to help solve this problem by cutting down the number of braindead people in the UK. Congratulations to you all, you have been chosen as the first contestants for Big Brother Battle Royale.."
The contestants at which point jump off their sofas, stop complaining about how they thought it was going to be different and like blinking and other mediocre things and generally look shocked.
One of the contestants starts moaning (yes I know they moan normally but this time this one is really moaning). He actually swears at Big Brother before one of the cameras doubles out into a massive sentry gun and pumps lead into the contestant.
11 Contestants.
The others start screaming.
Big Brother warns them that if they continue screaming they will lose this weeks task. They shut up immediately.
Day 3
The housemates have settled down quite nicely, and have got a massive audience after the suprise execution of one of the housemates on the first day. It's now nomination day...
The housemates nominate each other one by one.
Day 5
After loads of people with obviously nothing better to do have jammed phone lines, and text messages, the evictee is revealed. Text messages were jammed and due to an error in the system many people got notifications that they had voted for someone they hadn't, for example someone got a notification that he had voted for the Liberal Democrats.
The evictee trying to look really cool leaves the house all smiley. The next thing they know is Davina McCall has put a sack over their head, and the seat he is actually sitting in turns out to be an electric chair. Millions of idiots tune in to see the first evictee executed.
10 contestants
Day 7
This weeks task involves constructing a weapon from the items in the house. The "contestants" violently attack one another, till they are very badly injured. One is bleeding badly, however the Big Brother doctor sorts it out with some bandages. Then he is thrown back in. Big Brother gives them some stuff to get food with.
Day 12
Another eviction day, the evictee is publicly executed. The nation cheers. Several million more people tune in to see Big Brother put to justice.
9 contestants
Day 13
This weeks task involves walking over a bed of nails. The task is failed when one of the contestants tries it and gets impaled on several nails.
She collapses in shock and is removed from the house.
8 contestants
Another idiot moves in.
9 contestants
Day 17
One of the contestants up for eviction claims that she didn't realise Big Brother was going to be so mean this year and decides to leave the house. After successfully climbing over the fence she is chased by a dog and violently torn apart.
8 contestants
Day 19
After the only other nomination escaped the Big Brother house, the remaining nomination leaves by default. Instead of the cheering and banners he hoped for, he is dropped in a tank of piranhas and eaten alive.
7 contestants
Day 24
The housemates wake up to being locked in cages around their beds. Their task involves poking one another with some fire pokers that also happen to be near their bed. The housemates poke one another, eventually one of them asks "Why are we doing this, it's not like being forced" and as she says so she is stabbed by a poker and dies.
6 contestants
Day 26
Five of the 6 nominations were up for eviction this week. Only one goes out though with a massive 65% of the votes. He is put into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson and beaten till unconscious. He then has his head bit off when Tyson goes for his ear and misses.
Day 29
The housemates visit the diary room, where Big Brother tells one of them that like in a previous Big Brother they will be given two dogs to teach tricks to in a week. Relieved to have a good task the housemate thanks Big Brother immensely.
Several hours later, a housemate opens the diary room. A Pitbull Terrier and a Rotweiler jump out on to the housemate and violently bite her. They then run around chasing the housemates. They eventually look themselves in the toilet for several days.
Day 31
The housemates are still in the toilet and the Rotweiler and Pitbull Terrier have nearly bitten through the door.
Housemates have been living by climbing out of the bathroom window and running around to the kitchen. The housemates also make mad dashes to the diary room when Big Brother cruelly calls them over. One of the housemates loses a leg, another dies.
5 contestants
Day 33
The dogs are put down by some highly skilled professionals on eviction day. The contestants are disappointed they failed their task. The evictee is led away to a space centre where they are strapped into a rocket. The rocket is aimed at the moon... whether that contestant will live to see the moon no one knows.
Day 35
The contestants get suspicious when they are not called for nominations.
Day 40
Big Brother announces it is time for the final showdown. The contestants must visit the diary room one by one to pick up some weaponry. In what turns out to be the best television moments ever, the housemates attack each other, until there is one person left standing.
The winner is told to leave the house by Big Brother immediately.
Leaving covered in blood and with tears streaming from their eyes, Davina McCall comforts her. She hands the winner a cheque for £70,000. The contestant stops crying and announces "Wow, that's a lot of money for a dumbo like me."
The winner lives through the next few years in a hell where nobody cares about him/her anymore. Her/his 5 minutes of fame are gone.
Hmmmmmmm...
Day 1
Twelve people are selected and taken into the Big Brother house where they are informed by Big Brother
"This is Big Brother. As you know the Big Brother system has changed radically. The ratings of this television show has revealed that a large population of this country is obviously brain dead and have nothing better to do then to watch twelve contestants live in a house, eat food, and talk doing exactly what real people do. The government has claimed that they are worried that the UK is becoming less intellectual, and we have decided to help solve this problem by cutting down the number of braindead people in the UK. Congratulations to you all, you have been chosen as the first contestants for Big Brother Battle Royale.."
The contestants at which point jump off their sofas, stop complaining about how they thought it was going to be different and like blinking and other mediocre things and generally look shocked.
One of the contestants starts moaning (yes I know they moan normally but this time this one is really moaning). He actually swears at Big Brother before one of the cameras doubles out into a massive sentry gun and pumps lead into the contestant.
11 Contestants.
The others start screaming.
Big Brother warns them that if they continue screaming they will lose this weeks task. They shut up immediately.
Day 3
The housemates have settled down quite nicely, and have got a massive audience after the suprise execution of one of the housemates on the first day. It's now nomination day...
The housemates nominate each other one by one.
Day 5
After loads of people with obviously nothing better to do have jammed phone lines, and text messages, the evictee is revealed. Text messages were jammed and due to an error in the system many people got notifications that they had voted for someone they hadn't, for example someone got a notification that he had voted for the Liberal Democrats.
The evictee trying to look really cool leaves the house all smiley. The next thing they know is Davina McCall has put a sack over their head, and the seat he is actually sitting in turns out to be an electric chair. Millions of idiots tune in to see the first evictee executed.
10 contestants
Day 7
This weeks task involves constructing a weapon from the items in the house. The "contestants" violently attack one another, till they are very badly injured. One is bleeding badly, however the Big Brother doctor sorts it out with some bandages. Then he is thrown back in. Big Brother gives them some stuff to get food with.
Day 12
Another eviction day, the evictee is publicly executed. The nation cheers. Several million more people tune in to see Big Brother put to justice.
9 contestants
Day 13
This weeks task involves walking over a bed of nails. The task is failed when one of the contestants tries it and gets impaled on several nails.
She collapses in shock and is removed from the house.
8 contestants
Another idiot moves in.
9 contestants
Day 17
One of the contestants up for eviction claims that she didn't realise Big Brother was going to be so mean this year and decides to leave the house. After successfully climbing over the fence she is chased by a dog and violently torn apart.
8 contestants
Day 19
After the only other nomination escaped the Big Brother house, the remaining nomination leaves by default. Instead of the cheering and banners he hoped for, he is dropped in a tank of piranhas and eaten alive.
7 contestants
Day 24
The housemates wake up to being locked in cages around their beds. Their task involves poking one another with some fire pokers that also happen to be near their bed. The housemates poke one another, eventually one of them asks "Why are we doing this, it's not like being forced" and as she says so she is stabbed by a poker and dies.
6 contestants
Day 26
Five of the 6 nominations were up for eviction this week. Only one goes out though with a massive 65% of the votes. He is put into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson and beaten till unconscious. He then has his head bit off when Tyson goes for his ear and misses.
Day 29
The housemates visit the diary room, where Big Brother tells one of them that like in a previous Big Brother they will be given two dogs to teach tricks to in a week. Relieved to have a good task the housemate thanks Big Brother immensely.
Several hours later, a housemate opens the diary room. A Pitbull Terrier and a Rotweiler jump out on to the housemate and violently bite her. They then run around chasing the housemates. They eventually look themselves in the toilet for several days.
Day 31
The housemates are still in the toilet and the Rotweiler and Pitbull Terrier have nearly bitten through the door.
Housemates have been living by climbing out of the bathroom window and running around to the kitchen. The housemates also make mad dashes to the diary room when Big Brother cruelly calls them over. One of the housemates loses a leg, another dies.
5 contestants
Day 33
The dogs are put down by some highly skilled professionals on eviction day. The contestants are disappointed they failed their task. The evictee is led away to a space centre where they are strapped into a rocket. The rocket is aimed at the moon... whether that contestant will live to see the moon no one knows.
Day 35
The contestants get suspicious when they are not called for nominations.
Day 40
Big Brother announces it is time for the final showdown. The contestants must visit the diary room one by one to pick up some weaponry. In what turns out to be the best television moments ever, the housemates attack each other, until there is one person left standing.
The winner is told to leave the house by Big Brother immediately.
Leaving covered in blood and with tears streaming from their eyes, Davina McCall comforts her. She hands the winner a cheque for £70,000. The contestant stops crying and announces "Wow, that's a lot of money for a dumbo like me."
The winner lives through the next few years in a hell where nobody cares about him/her anymore. Her/his 5 minutes of fame are gone.
Twelve people are selected and taken into the Big Brother house where they are informed by Big Brother
"This is Big Brother. As you know the Big Brother system has changed radically. The ratings of this television show has revealed that a large population of this country is obviously brain dead and have nothing better to do then to watch twelve contestants live in a house, eat food, and talk doing exactly what real people do. The government has claimed that they are worried that the UK is becoming less intellectual, and we have decided to help solve this problem by cutting down the number of braindead people in the UK. Congratulations to you all, you have been chosen as the first contestants for Big Brother Battle Royale.."
The contestants at which point jump off their sofas, stop complaining about how they thought it was going to be different and like blinking and other mediocre things and generally look shocked.
One of the contestants starts moaning (yes I know they moan normally but this time this one is really moaning). He actually swears at Big Brother before one of the cameras doubles out into a massive sentry gun and pumps lead into the contestant.
11 Contestants.
The others start screaming.
Big Brother warns them that if they continue screaming they will lose this weeks task. They shut up immediately.
Day 3
The housemates have settled down quite nicely, and have got a massive audience after the suprise execution of one of the housemates on the first day. It's now nomination day...
The housemates nominate each other one by one.
Day 5
After loads of people with obviously nothing better to do have jammed phone lines, and text messages, the evictee is revealed. Text messages were jammed and due to an error in the system many people got notifications that they had voted for someone they hadn't, for example someone got a notification that he had voted for the Liberal Democrats.
The evictee trying to look really cool leaves the house all smiley. The next thing they know is Davina McCall has put a sack over their head, and the seat he is actually sitting in turns out to be an electric chair. Millions of idiots tune in to see the first evictee executed.
10 contestants
Day 7
This weeks task involves constructing a weapon from the items in the house. The "contestants" violently attack one another, till they are very badly injured. One is bleeding badly, however the Big Brother doctor sorts it out with some bandages. Then he is thrown back in. Big Brother gives them some stuff to get food with.
Day 12
Another eviction day, the evictee is publicly executed. The nation cheers. Several million more people tune in to see Big Brother put to justice.
9 contestants
Day 13
This weeks task involves walking over a bed of nails. The task is failed when one of the contestants tries it and gets impaled on several nails.
She collapses in shock and is removed from the house.
8 contestants
Another idiot moves in.
9 contestants
Day 17
One of the contestants up for eviction claims that she didn't realise Big Brother was going to be so mean this year and decides to leave the house. After successfully climbing over the fence she is chased by a dog and violently torn apart.
8 contestants
Day 19
After the only other nomination escaped the Big Brother house, the remaining nomination leaves by default. Instead of the cheering and banners he hoped for, he is dropped in a tank of piranhas and eaten alive.
7 contestants
Day 24
The housemates wake up to being locked in cages around their beds. Their task involves poking one another with some fire pokers that also happen to be near their bed. The housemates poke one another, eventually one of them asks "Why are we doing this, it's not like being forced" and as she says so she is stabbed by a poker and dies.
6 contestants
Day 26
Five of the 6 nominations were up for eviction this week. Only one goes out though with a massive 65% of the votes. He is put into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson and beaten till unconscious. He then has his head bit off when Tyson goes for his ear and misses.
Day 29
The housemates visit the diary room, where Big Brother tells one of them that like in a previous Big Brother they will be given two dogs to teach tricks to in a week. Relieved to have a good task the housemate thanks Big Brother immensely.
Several hours later, a housemate opens the diary room. A Pitbull Terrier and a Rotweiler jump out on to the housemate and violently bite her. They then run around chasing the housemates. They eventually look themselves in the toilet for several days.
Day 31
The housemates are still in the toilet and the Rotweiler and Pitbull Terrier have nearly bitten through the door.
Housemates have been living by climbing out of the bathroom window and running around to the kitchen. The housemates also make mad dashes to the diary room when Big Brother cruelly calls them over. One of the housemates loses a leg, another dies.
5 contestants
Day 33
The dogs are put down by some highly skilled professionals on eviction day. The contestants are disappointed they failed their task. The evictee is led away to a space centre where they are strapped into a rocket. The rocket is aimed at the moon... whether that contestant will live to see the moon no one knows.
Day 35
The contestants get suspicious when they are not called for nominations.
Day 40
Big Brother announces it is time for the final showdown. The contestants must visit the diary room one by one to pick up some weaponry. In what turns out to be the best television moments ever, the housemates attack each other, until there is one person left standing.
The winner is told to leave the house by Big Brother immediately.
Leaving covered in blood and with tears streaming from their eyes, Davina McCall comforts her. She hands the winner a cheque for £70,000. The contestant stops crying and announces "Wow, that's a lot of money for a dumbo like me."
The winner lives through the next few years in a hell where nobody cares about him/her anymore. Her/his 5 minutes of fame are gone.