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Tony Blair today shocked parliament with a shocking double announcement of shocks.
Firstly he revealed details of a new plan to help the bald people of the UK, stating that Blair's Hair Care Share Scheme would help to bring covering to the scalps of the bald before winter sets in.
The plan is to make those more fortunate in the hair department give up some of their locks, and they could face jail sentences if they refuse to hand over any hair.
"Hair today, gone tomorrow" Said Tony, using his powers of speech "but I'm hoping to make statements like that a thing of the past. By the end of this 10 year plan everyone should have access to hair. This will help my people to save on heating bills, and will bring great national pride, as no longer will we have balding goons amongst our ranks. I have very nice hair, and everyone else could have too!"
Whether those that like to be bald will be allowed to keep their looks or will be forced to have hair remains to be seen.
But that wasn't all. Tony had another surprise up his sleeve when he announced the following discovery "I was informed of something quite odd today. Apparently there are parts of the UK that are not in London. Now I was as surprised as you all look when I heard this, and laughed it off, but I was shown a map of the UK, and it appears to be true. Our island now stretches eyond greater London into previously unheard of counties, and mystical areas known as the country-side! It seems that we may have to rethink some of our policies, and allow for this. Perhaps it is no longer feasible to raise the costs of motoring in these areas? Maybe by raising road tax and letting petrol prices be so high we're making it very expensive for people to travel to work - especially when many ofthese places are not served by our railways and have insufficient bus services."
It was at this point that John Prescott interrupted the Prime Minister, telling him that they'd been aware of these areas for quite some time now, but it had been decided that they simply didn't give a toss.
In other news Ken Livingstone was again defending himself against allegations that he bit a reporters face off. "I did not maliciously bite the reporters face off. Yes he confronted me, and we had words, but we took it away from the party so as to not cause a scene. It just so happens that I was eating a sandwich at the time, and he slipped as I took a bite, and parts of his face may have been consumed as an accident. The man that claims to have seen all of this from his window is clearly lying, his story is full of wild inaccuracies, and I didn't mean to shoot him, I was cleaning my gun, and it went off by accident."
Firstly he revealed details of a new plan to help the bald people of the UK, stating that Blair's Hair Care Share Scheme would help to bring covering to the scalps of the bald before winter sets in.
The plan is to make those more fortunate in the hair department give up some of their locks, and they could face jail sentences if they refuse to hand over any hair.
"Hair today, gone tomorrow" Said Tony, using his powers of speech "but I'm hoping to make statements like that a thing of the past. By the end of this 10 year plan everyone should have access to hair. This will help my people to save on heating bills, and will bring great national pride, as no longer will we have balding goons amongst our ranks. I have very nice hair, and everyone else could have too!"
Whether those that like to be bald will be allowed to keep their looks or will be forced to have hair remains to be seen.
But that wasn't all. Tony had another surprise up his sleeve when he announced the following discovery "I was informed of something quite odd today. Apparently there are parts of the UK that are not in London. Now I was as surprised as you all look when I heard this, and laughed it off, but I was shown a map of the UK, and it appears to be true. Our island now stretches eyond greater London into previously unheard of counties, and mystical areas known as the country-side! It seems that we may have to rethink some of our policies, and allow for this. Perhaps it is no longer feasible to raise the costs of motoring in these areas? Maybe by raising road tax and letting petrol prices be so high we're making it very expensive for people to travel to work - especially when many ofthese places are not served by our railways and have insufficient bus services."
It was at this point that John Prescott interrupted the Prime Minister, telling him that they'd been aware of these areas for quite some time now, but it had been decided that they simply didn't give a toss.
In other news Ken Livingstone was again defending himself against allegations that he bit a reporters face off. "I did not maliciously bite the reporters face off. Yes he confronted me, and we had words, but we took it away from the party so as to not cause a scene. It just so happens that I was eating a sandwich at the time, and he slipped as I took a bite, and parts of his face may have been consumed as an accident. The man that claims to have seen all of this from his window is clearly lying, his story is full of wild inaccuracies, and I didn't mean to shoot him, I was cleaning my gun, and it went off by accident."
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Tony Blair today shocked parliament with a shocking double announcement of shocks.
Firstly he revealed details of a new plan to help the bald people of the UK, stating that Blair's Hair Care Share Scheme would help to bring covering to the scalps of the bald before winter sets in.
The plan is to make those more fortunate in the hair department give up some of their locks, and they could face jail sentences if they refuse to hand over any hair.
"Hair today, gone tomorrow" Said Tony, using his powers of speech "but I'm hoping to make statements like that a thing of the past. By the end of this 10 year plan everyone should have access to hair. This will help my people to save on heating bills, and will bring great national pride, as no longer will we have balding goons amongst our ranks. I have very nice hair, and everyone else could have too!"
Whether those that like to be bald will be allowed to keep their looks or will be forced to have hair remains to be seen.
But that wasn't all. Tony had another surprise up his sleeve when he announced the following discovery "I was informed of something quite odd today. Apparently there are parts of the UK that are not in London. Now I was as surprised as you all look when I heard this, and laughed it off, but I was shown a map of the UK, and it appears to be true. Our island now stretches eyond greater London into previously unheard of counties, and mystical areas known as the country-side! It seems that we may have to rethink some of our policies, and allow for this. Perhaps it is no longer feasible to raise the costs of motoring in these areas? Maybe by raising road tax and letting petrol prices be so high we're making it very expensive for people to travel to work - especially when many ofthese places are not served by our railways and have insufficient bus services."
It was at this point that John Prescott interrupted the Prime Minister, telling him that they'd been aware of these areas for quite some time now, but it had been decided that they simply didn't give a toss.
In other news Ken Livingstone was again defending himself against allegations that he bit a reporters face off. "I did not maliciously bite the reporters face off. Yes he confronted me, and we had words, but we took it away from the party so as to not cause a scene. It just so happens that I was eating a sandwich at the time, and he slipped as I took a bite, and parts of his face may have been consumed as an accident. The man that claims to have seen all of this from his window is clearly lying, his story is full of wild inaccuracies, and I didn't mean to shoot him, I was cleaning my gun, and it went off by accident."
Firstly he revealed details of a new plan to help the bald people of the UK, stating that Blair's Hair Care Share Scheme would help to bring covering to the scalps of the bald before winter sets in.
The plan is to make those more fortunate in the hair department give up some of their locks, and they could face jail sentences if they refuse to hand over any hair.
"Hair today, gone tomorrow" Said Tony, using his powers of speech "but I'm hoping to make statements like that a thing of the past. By the end of this 10 year plan everyone should have access to hair. This will help my people to save on heating bills, and will bring great national pride, as no longer will we have balding goons amongst our ranks. I have very nice hair, and everyone else could have too!"
Whether those that like to be bald will be allowed to keep their looks or will be forced to have hair remains to be seen.
But that wasn't all. Tony had another surprise up his sleeve when he announced the following discovery "I was informed of something quite odd today. Apparently there are parts of the UK that are not in London. Now I was as surprised as you all look when I heard this, and laughed it off, but I was shown a map of the UK, and it appears to be true. Our island now stretches eyond greater London into previously unheard of counties, and mystical areas known as the country-side! It seems that we may have to rethink some of our policies, and allow for this. Perhaps it is no longer feasible to raise the costs of motoring in these areas? Maybe by raising road tax and letting petrol prices be so high we're making it very expensive for people to travel to work - especially when many ofthese places are not served by our railways and have insufficient bus services."
It was at this point that John Prescott interrupted the Prime Minister, telling him that they'd been aware of these areas for quite some time now, but it had been decided that they simply didn't give a toss.
In other news Ken Livingstone was again defending himself against allegations that he bit a reporters face off. "I did not maliciously bite the reporters face off. Yes he confronted me, and we had words, but we took it away from the party so as to not cause a scene. It just so happens that I was eating a sandwich at the time, and he slipped as I took a bite, and parts of his face may have been consumed as an accident. The man that claims to have seen all of this from his window is clearly lying, his story is full of wild inaccuracies, and I didn't mean to shoot him, I was cleaning my gun, and it went off by accident."