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Hi there.
Today I'm going to write in sentences so we all unders**tand.
I have amnesia. The problem with me, however, is that s**tuff comes back to me every now and again, s**tuff I seriously, seriously didn't want to know.
Following so far?
Right. I met a woman. She helped me to talk, and get a sh*tload of this s**tuff off my ches**t.
Right.
Problem is, I couldn't deal with getting it out, because deep down, I was s**till scared of it.
Las**t night, after having something more returning to my memory [my dad tried to smash my mum's face with a brick], for some reason, my mind decided to tell me that I'd lived life to the full. There's no possible thing left on this earth for me to learn.
This was not, and I repeat, was not, over a woman.
In fact, if it wasn't for her, I would be dead. She phoned me while I was s**till about to do it, and I couldn't work out at firs**t why she was so scared.
And then, I did, and realised what a f**k I was.
We all following? Excellent.
However, las**t night was the mos**t important thing I've ever done. Because I'm not scared anymore. I don't feel the need to cry when I think of my grandfather needing my comfort and me refusing to give it to him because I was scared, I don't need to cry when I remember the puppy that wouldn't leave my mind and puked up it's guts when nobody else could see it. It was there, and I'm f**king s**tronger than to let sh*t like that get to me. So? I had a crap childhood, I jus**t reckon now it's time to make up for it.
And why all this?
Because through a series of events, I was forced to s**tand on my own two feet. Las**t night I refused to take comfort in anyway possible, it was only the fact that I was scaring people that really s**topped me.
Seriously, not a cry for help. Sure, I'm as demented as f**k, but, at las**t, I can tell the truth now when I say that I'm s**trong enough to cope with it. I used to lie and say that I was s**trong, jus**t so others could cope themselves, look up to this guy, 'hey! look how much crap he went through! he's ok! I can do that too!', but deep down, I seriously couldn't cope. Now? I think I'm going to s**top living in the pas**t, and s**tart thinking a bit more about the future... because my future had always seemed like a dream, nothing I could reach even if I tried... but not anymore.
Thanks guys, and I s**till love you all. :0)
Today I'm going to write in sentences so we all unders**tand.
I have amnesia. The problem with me, however, is that s**tuff comes back to me every now and again, s**tuff I seriously, seriously didn't want to know.
Following so far?
Right. I met a woman. She helped me to talk, and get a sh*tload of this s**tuff off my ches**t.
Right.
Problem is, I couldn't deal with getting it out, because deep down, I was s**till scared of it.
Las**t night, after having something more returning to my memory [my dad tried to smash my mum's face with a brick], for some reason, my mind decided to tell me that I'd lived life to the full. There's no possible thing left on this earth for me to learn.
This was not, and I repeat, was not, over a woman.
In fact, if it wasn't for her, I would be dead. She phoned me while I was s**till about to do it, and I couldn't work out at firs**t why she was so scared.
And then, I did, and realised what a f**k I was.
We all following? Excellent.
However, las**t night was the mos**t important thing I've ever done. Because I'm not scared anymore. I don't feel the need to cry when I think of my grandfather needing my comfort and me refusing to give it to him because I was scared, I don't need to cry when I remember the puppy that wouldn't leave my mind and puked up it's guts when nobody else could see it. It was there, and I'm f**king s**tronger than to let sh*t like that get to me. So? I had a crap childhood, I jus**t reckon now it's time to make up for it.
And why all this?
Because through a series of events, I was forced to s**tand on my own two feet. Las**t night I refused to take comfort in anyway possible, it was only the fact that I was scaring people that really s**topped me.
Seriously, not a cry for help. Sure, I'm as demented as f**k, but, at las**t, I can tell the truth now when I say that I'm s**trong enough to cope with it. I used to lie and say that I was s**trong, jus**t so others could cope themselves, look up to this guy, 'hey! look how much crap he went through! he's ok! I can do that too!', but deep down, I seriously couldn't cope. Now? I think I'm going to s**top living in the pas**t, and s**tart thinking a bit more about the future... because my future had always seemed like a dream, nothing I could reach even if I tried... but not anymore.
Thanks guys, and I s**till love you all. :0)
Heh - you done good boy !!
That's what this was about, I just finally exploded properly, and got absolutely everything out. Didn't just feel good, felt excellent, and it still does.
Grix - I do identify, I had a crap childhood, mum left when I was 4 and without going into the details dad decided to take it out on me and my sister.
I went into a shell and became some kind of emotional timebomb as I grew up cos I basically kept everything inside. Last year I finally went to see a counsellor and after much struggle I got it all out of me, everything that I had kept hidden away and now I am "normal"..
I'm not saying you should necesarily see a professional but try not to repress it - the sooner you can get all the crap out and deal with it the sooner you can move on with life. Life is good...
I went into a shell and became some kind of emotional timebomb as I grew up cos I basically kept everything inside. Last year I finally went to see a counsellor and after much struggle I got it all out of me, everything that I had kept hidden away and now I am "normal"..
I'm not saying you should necesarily see a professional but try not to repress it - the sooner you can get all the crap out and deal with it the sooner you can move on with life. Life is good...
Grix, we haven't really spoken thus far but I'd like to say this. I'm not gonna pretend like I not what you're going through, because I don't, but I admire the courage you have shown - it takes a big person to stand up, take stock of things and get a grip of his life.
All the best for the future mate.
:D
All the best for the future mate.
:D
I'm still confused... but heh that's me
Interesting....
Hi there.
Today I'm going to write in sentences so we all unders**tand.
I have amnesia. The problem with me, however, is that s**tuff comes back to me every now and again, s**tuff I seriously, seriously didn't want to know.
Following so far?
Right. I met a woman. She helped me to talk, and get a sh*tload of this s**tuff off my ches**t.
Right.
Problem is, I couldn't deal with getting it out, because deep down, I was s**till scared of it.
Las**t night, after having something more returning to my memory [my dad tried to smash my mum's face with a brick], for some reason, my mind decided to tell me that I'd lived life to the full. There's no possible thing left on this earth for me to learn.
This was not, and I repeat, was not, over a woman.
In fact, if it wasn't for her, I would be dead. She phoned me while I was s**till about to do it, and I couldn't work out at firs**t why she was so scared.
And then, I did, and realised what a f**k I was.
We all following? Excellent.
However, las**t night was the mos**t important thing I've ever done. Because I'm not scared anymore. I don't feel the need to cry when I think of my grandfather needing my comfort and me refusing to give it to him because I was scared, I don't need to cry when I remember the puppy that wouldn't leave my mind and puked up it's guts when nobody else could see it. It was there, and I'm f**king s**tronger than to let sh*t like that get to me. So? I had a crap childhood, I jus**t reckon now it's time to make up for it.
And why all this?
Because through a series of events, I was forced to s**tand on my own two feet. Las**t night I refused to take comfort in anyway possible, it was only the fact that I was scaring people that really s**topped me.
Seriously, not a cry for help. Sure, I'm as demented as f**k, but, at las**t, I can tell the truth now when I say that I'm s**trong enough to cope with it. I used to lie and say that I was s**trong, jus**t so others could cope themselves, look up to this guy, 'hey! look how much crap he went through! he's ok! I can do that too!', but deep down, I seriously couldn't cope. Now? I think I'm going to s**top living in the pas**t, and s**tart thinking a bit more about the future... because my future had always seemed like a dream, nothing I could reach even if I tried... but not anymore.
Thanks guys, and I s**till love you all. :0)
Today I'm going to write in sentences so we all unders**tand.
I have amnesia. The problem with me, however, is that s**tuff comes back to me every now and again, s**tuff I seriously, seriously didn't want to know.
Following so far?
Right. I met a woman. She helped me to talk, and get a sh*tload of this s**tuff off my ches**t.
Right.
Problem is, I couldn't deal with getting it out, because deep down, I was s**till scared of it.
Las**t night, after having something more returning to my memory [my dad tried to smash my mum's face with a brick], for some reason, my mind decided to tell me that I'd lived life to the full. There's no possible thing left on this earth for me to learn.
This was not, and I repeat, was not, over a woman.
In fact, if it wasn't for her, I would be dead. She phoned me while I was s**till about to do it, and I couldn't work out at firs**t why she was so scared.
And then, I did, and realised what a f**k I was.
We all following? Excellent.
However, las**t night was the mos**t important thing I've ever done. Because I'm not scared anymore. I don't feel the need to cry when I think of my grandfather needing my comfort and me refusing to give it to him because I was scared, I don't need to cry when I remember the puppy that wouldn't leave my mind and puked up it's guts when nobody else could see it. It was there, and I'm f**king s**tronger than to let sh*t like that get to me. So? I had a crap childhood, I jus**t reckon now it's time to make up for it.
And why all this?
Because through a series of events, I was forced to s**tand on my own two feet. Las**t night I refused to take comfort in anyway possible, it was only the fact that I was scaring people that really s**topped me.
Seriously, not a cry for help. Sure, I'm as demented as f**k, but, at las**t, I can tell the truth now when I say that I'm s**trong enough to cope with it. I used to lie and say that I was s**trong, jus**t so others could cope themselves, look up to this guy, 'hey! look how much crap he went through! he's ok! I can do that too!', but deep down, I seriously couldn't cope. Now? I think I'm going to s**top living in the pas**t, and s**tart thinking a bit more about the future... because my future had always seemed like a dream, nothing I could reach even if I tried... but not anymore.
Thanks guys, and I s**till love you all. :0)