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Tea Man: So Jim, what'll you have?
Presenter: Err.. two sugars, and a choccie biscuit.
Tea Man: O.K then, that'll be £3.95.
Presenter: £3.95?!!! How much do you think I earn? This job isn't exactly raking in the money, you know.
Tea man: Fine, I'll go see what the boss wants.
President of the show: Jim, get on with it, will you?
Presenter: yeah, fine then. So, welcome to the show. Today, we have two teams: Team cube and Team 64. They will be competing in various VR video games competitions (but they can actually die!), and the team with the most wins, is the overall winner. Let's meet the leaders of the teams.
Microchips: Hi Jim. Yes, it will be tough, and no, we will not give up. I believe my team is going to win through experience and style. I have recruited various members of a chatforum to come here. They are the best in the world, and there is no stopping us. Here's who is on my team:
Me
BIGMAN
JC
Quinty
TPHI
RM18
Hercules!
HalloHowArtThou
As you can see, I have an all-round team that is not going to stop at anything. We are going to kick butt! Team Cube rules!
Presenter: And on what basis do you form your opinion?
Microchips: Did you know that McKain also do many other microwavable products too?
Presenter: Yeah, I need something cheap and easy, as I get paid next-to-nothing
Microchips: So, how did you afford a microwave then?
Presenter: Err…That's beside the point. Moving on, to avoid any more embarrassing moments for me, let's meet Twain and Team 64.
Twain: Hi Peeps. I am Twain, and I am the coach of team 64. We are a great team, which will stop at nothing. In my team we have:
Me
Joe Dark
Dr.Duck
Badgerman
Pringle
Ashman
Cooky
Schroeder
Hah! Microchips, you are going to get burnt! Feel the power of sticking you in the microwave too long!
Microchips: Oh yeah Hillbilly, what you gonna do?
Twain: Hillbilly, what are you on about?
Microchips: Hyuk-hyuk! Hillbilly round up!
Twain: Right, come here you greasy based pack of fat!
Presenter: Hey! HEY! Give it a break you two, leave it until you fight! There are going to be various rounds:
Racing
Hunt and kill
Beat em up
Monkey rolling
Football
Locate and terminate
Antique collecting- nah, I'm just pulling your leg!
Pokemon beat them up!
And finally, the two coaches fight, in…. You'll have to see!
So, let's get on with the first round. Coaches, choose your players.
Microchips: JC, you got this one?
JC: yeah, sure coach, wish me luck guys!
Rest of team: Yeah, go on JC! Go for it!
Twain: Er.. Pringle, you're up!
Pringle: Once you pop, you can't stop!
Twain: Just go, for Pete's sake.
Presenter: O.K Guys, are you ready? GO!
Pringle and JC pull away from the starting grid, and veer hard to the left. They encounter some dodgy looking monkeys with sticks as they pass, but Pringle hits a monkey, forcing him to spin to the side of the track.
JC: Ha! Eat my dust you can of crisps!
Pringle: I'll get you!
Pringle catches up to JC, and drops what seems to look like a Can of Pringle's. JC stops, and indulges in some cheese and onion flavour. Pringle speeds past, laughing hard. He is about to reach the finish line, when the monkey comes to get revenge. He Hits Pringle with his stick many times on his head. Pringle dies of brain damage.
JC: Hey, thanks Monkey!
Monkey: Hey, no problem.
JC: What? You can talk? It doesn't make sense.
Monkey: Yeah, and like this whole spoof makes any sense.
Microchips: Watch it monkey…
JC crosses the line, and is met by a huge crowd cheering at him. He jumps out of his kart, takes his helmet off and walks over to Jim.
Presenter: JC, how does it feel to win?
JC: Well, it feels like I have just won a race, actually!
Presenter: State the obvious…
JC: Right, I'm off to see my coach…
Microchips: Hey, JC, what a race! Give me 5!
JC: No thanks, I'd rather not.
Microchips: Does everyone have it in for me or what?
Twain: Heh- Microchips needs a friend. Boo hoo!
Microchips: 1-0! Hah- in your face Twain!
Twain: Grrrr.. Just you wait!
Pringle's body is moved to the cemetery, but there is no space. Twain suggests throwing him off of the cliff. Pringle hits the rocks below, and is eaten by a sea monkey.
Presenter: First Monkey's with sticks, now sea monkeys? What is this? Day at the zoo?
Dr.Duck: Watch it!
Presenter: You don't find duck's at the zoo! Anyway, time for the next round. Pokemon beat em up! Who will be competing this time?
Microchips:, HalloHowArtThou you want to go up?
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, sure coach. Give me a gun and I'll get them.
Microchips: here is a rocket launcher, loaded with 19p irn-bru cans from your local shop. Go get the little baggers!
Presenter: Err.. You do realize that this is a family show? And that it is a pokemon beat them up, not a shoot them up?
Microchips: Well, I was kinda hoping that ….
Presenter: No, just beat them up, like smash brothers, but better
HalloHowArtThou: Better?
Presenter: yeah, you choose your pokemon, they you get the chance to beat them up.
HalloHowArtThou: Sweet!
Presenter: O.K then HalloHowArtThou, get in the arena, and choose your pokemon.
HalloHowArtThou: Pichu, because he is small and pathetic, and he won't be able to evolve into pikachu, who is the most annoying thing ever.
Presenter: O.K then, go and get ready. Your time will be recorded, to see how long it takes you to beat him up. The fastest out of you and your competitor will win.
HalloHowArtThou, are you ready? FIGHT!
HalloHowArtThou runs towards Pichu, and immediately hits him over the head with a succession of rapid kicks. He then pulls out a paintball gun (Family forums! Would like to make it a rocket launcher, but, you know…) and shot Pichu many times in the chest. Pichu got really mad and threw his crayons at HalloHowArtThou. They missed, and Pichu got even angrier. What's this? It seems there is a yellow stone floating through the air!
Twain: Here Pichu, take this!
HalloHowArtThou: you cheeky s…
Pichu evolves into Pikachu, and starts running at HalloHowArtThou. He hits HalloHowArtThou hard in the head, knocking him unconscious. He then gets up again after a while.
Pickachu: Pika Pika
HalloHowArtThou: Pika Pika your face! Die!
HalloHowArtThou pulls out said rocket launcher and shoots Pikachu in the face with it. He flies out of the arena, and after about ten minutes, there is a distant BANG.
Presenter: O.K, Judging by how fast you forum users read that fight, I would say that only took 37 seconds. Very quick!
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, that's for making Pokemon a worldwide franchise you little bagger!
Microchips: HalloHowArtThou, nice fight. Come and have a drink.
HalloHowArtThou: Great, cheers Coach.
Presenter: Twain, who will be fighting in your round?
Twain: Dr.Duck has got this one.
Dr.Duck: Hmmm… I choose Snortlax.
Presenter: Snortlax? Surely you mean Snorlax?
Dr.Duck: Let's just say, um, he has, er, friends in high places, if you know what I mean…
Presenter: Ah, yes, I know where you're coming from. *cough*Drugs*cough*
Dr.Duck: Right, let's go Snortlax!
They start fighting; Dr.Duck flies towards him and aims a very powerful headbutt into the chest of snortlax, but Snortlax doesn't seem affected.
Snortlax Jumps onto Dr.Duck and squashes him flat.
Microchips: Hah Twain, all you need now is some pancakes and you can have Peking duck!
Twain: Errr… Snortlax is from Japan, you fool!
Microchips: It was a joke!
Twain: Great joke there, flew straight over my head that one…
Microchips: Hah- look at Dr.Duck now!
Dr.Duck is being flown around in the air by snortlax, but suddenly, he jumps out of Snortlax's grasp and chucks a grenade down his throat!
Snortlax: *Sniff* Snortlax? Uhhh…
Dr.Duck: Hah, you overgrown abuser!
Snortlax is blown high into the air, and flies right out of distance.
Presenter: Great fight there Dr.Duck, it took about 27 seconds for the actual fight, but it seems our writer put some filler in there, so it extends to about, well, I lost track of time. So the only way this is going to be resolved is a fight between you two. Go!
HalloHowArtThou doesn't even bother getting up from the bench, and uses that friggin' rocket launcher on Dr.Duck.
Dr.Duck: NO! I have failed you master!
Presenter: Who is your master?
Dr.Duck: Duck Vader!
Presenter: But that doesn't make sense, you see, in the films…
He is stopped mid-sentence by the screams of Dr.Duck.
Presenter: Well that was an obvious win for team Cube. 2-0! Let's get on with the next round, which happens to be…. Hunt and Kill! Coaches, who would you think has the best chance of surviving?
Microchips: Hmmmm… RM18, go for it!
RM18: Yeah, I can do this!
Twain: Cooky, you up for this one?
Cooky: Actually, I need a sh…
Twain: Nice to hear your enthusiasm! Go out there NOW!
Cooky: O.K, but if I soil my boxers, you are in for it…
Twain: *snigger* He said boxers!
Presenter: O.K guys, you have 5 minutes to go into the arena, find a weapon (expect the unexpected) and kill eachother! Well, preferably only one person dies, as we need a winner and all… Ready guys, GO!
They both run into the arena, and take cover behind some barrels. RM18 grabs hold of a roof tile, and Cooky realizes he is lying in elephant poo. He grabs some.
They both run out from behind their barrels, RM18 throws the tile at Cooky, causing his arm to fall off. Cooky gets annoyed and chucks the elephant poo into RM18's face. RM18 can't take this anymore. He picks up an Uzi and fires at Cooky's direction. Bullets fly past Cooky, but one hits him in the leg. He is under immense pain, when, out of nowhere, he grabs a grenade and throws it. It lands next to RM18. He picks it up, gives it a shake, and waits. It hasn't gone off! He is about to throw it back, when BOOM! RM18 blows up. An R lands over there, then the M, the 1 falls down a hole in the floor, and there is no sign of the 8.
Presenter: We have a winner! Cooky wins!
Cooky: Ow! My arm…
He dies from blood loss.
Presenter: Well, they both died, but RM18 dies first, so Cooky won! 2-1 to team cube. The next round is the beat 'em up!
Microchips: Hmmm… tphi, you have this one.
Tphi: Yeah, sure, I'll lose though.
Microchips: No you won't, just try your best.
Tphi: Unfortunately, my best is also my worst.
Microchips: Oh… Well, try your best, or you worst or, or *runs*
Twain: Look at that box of chips go! Anyways, Ashman, it's time.
Ashman: For….?
Twain: The Millenium! You Muppet! Does the word fight mean anything to you?
Ashman: Ah! Yes, the fight! Let's go!
Ashman and tphi both enter the arena, both exchange dirty looks, and both run for cover behind their coaches. After some bribing, and the promise of a chocolate biscuit after the match, they come back out and start to fight.
Tphi delivers a face full of fist into Ashman, but Ashman quickly retaliates with the largest kick to the kidney of tphi.
Presenter: Hah Microchips! You said 'kidney' He has two you know!
Microchips: Watch it bucko! I have the power to say, "Out of my spoof" *clicks fingers* but to evil people!
Presenter: That is such a blatant advert rip-off!
Microchips: Yeah, well…. Hey, you insulted me! Once more and you go!
During this time, tphi has been destroyed by a stray shot for HalloHowArtThou's rocket launcher. Ashman is victorious!
Ashman: Wooo! I won! That makes it 2-2! Wooo woo woo woo!
Presenter: Woo?! Anyway, time for another round, monkey rolling methinks. Coaches, choose your players!
Microchips: Hercules! Let's go! Roll them monkeys like you've never rolled monkeys before.
Hercules!: I haven't rolled monkeys before coach…
Microchips: Well, er…. erm, good luck then.
Twain: Hmmmm… Schroeder, time to go!
Schroeder: O.k then. This is funny! Me, Herc and the monkeys are all from SR!
Monkeys: Gah! Not you two again! First we get friggin' fake staff boy, then you!
Hercules!: Hey! Don't insult Schroeder! I might be afraid to ring her up, but I still protect her!
Schroeder: Hehe! I like monkeys! Monkeys are funny! Funny is monkeys!
Hercules!: Yeah, well, er…… *runs*
Presenter: They step up to the line. Hercules adjusts his fake staff badge, while Schroeder looks at the monkeys. They both concentrate on the task ahead. Hercules! to go first!
Hercules: Hmmm….. MoJoJoJo it is. Oy! Get over here!
MoJo: How come I always end up in these spoofs by this random guy? I didn't sign up.
Hercules!: Who cares!
Hercules rams his fingers into Mojo, and rolls him down the lane. It is a perfect strike.
Hercules!: Woo! I knew rolling MoJo would be a good idea. Yeah! Beat that!
Schroeder: O.K then, I will!
Schroeder rolls two monkeys down two lanes and gets two perfect strikes.
Yeah.
Presenter: Two strikes! Schroeder wins! 3-2 to team 64!
Twain: Har-Har Microchips! You are loosing! Only 2 more rounds and then your day has come.
Microchips: Well, yeah, meh.
Presenter: Oy! Bring me back my fish Buck-o! Oh…. We're back on. Er… yes, Hi, Welcome to this show, about some people, doing some stuff, and monkeys, and, er…. Let's get on with the next round! Football it is, so coaches, pick your players!
Microchips: Yes, well, erm…. BIGMAN! Go for it!
BIGMAN: My time hath cometh. Timeth to kicketh butteth.
Microchips: Go for it! And drop the dodgy accent.
BIGMAN: Sorry man, gotta jet. Ciao!
Microchips: Twain! You put something in his Lucozade!
Twain: Yeah, well, sue me!
Microchips: Gah! I'll get you! *Shakes fist*
Twain: Erm… You! Badger boy! Get here.
Badgerman: Bagger you! My name is badgerman! Fool! I'll tell myself how to play!
Badgerman walk onto the pitch, hidden gun in one hand, Danish pastry in the other.
BIGMAN stares at Badgerman. The wonder of drugs still pumping through his body. To him, the pitch is a vast array of bright colours. A vain twitches above his eye. He has his mind on only one thing. The football. He continues to stare at Badgerman, without blinking for about 5 minutes. His eyes get bloodshot. He cries.
Presenter: Righty-o then. Time to start the match. One goal, anything goes. You ready?
Badgerman: I just need to tie my laces….
Presenter: Go!
The ball is dropped. They both run at the ball, Badgerman gets there first, takes it past BIGMAN. BIGMAN suddenly pulls out a frisbee and hurls it at Badgerman. It makes him lose his concentration. BIGMAN takes the ball, and has a shot from half way! It flying, heading towards the goal! Surely this is a goal, and so early on too… but wait! Is that… yes, it is! It's a Danish Pastry! It's catching up with the ball, and knocks it off course! Badgerman retrieves the ball, and runs towards BIGMAN's goal. BIGMAN stands looking. He runs towards Badgerman's goal, picks up the Danish pastry, looks at Badgerman, and eats it. BOOM! His head is blown off, and Badgerman is clear for the goal. Badgerman trots up to the goal, stops at the edge of the area, tries his best to form a Mohican in his hair, and has a go at a David Beckham impression. He smacks the ball as hard as he can…. It hurtles through the air with unimaginable speed…. And it hits the crossbar! It is on a course for Badgerman's own goal!
Twain: Oh you Muppet! Get the ball, get the ball!
Badgerman runs as fast as he can, reaches the goal first, prepares himself for the catch, when suddenly BIGMAN's head falls from the sky, and knocks him over. The ball floats into the goal.
Badgerman: I knew I should have used my gun! Gah! Stupid exploding pastry! Bagger you!
Twain: For gawd's sakes! You could have just tapped it in, but no, you had to go all David Beckham. Gah! Some people!
Presenter: What a match! What a match! A win for the late BIGMAN makes it 3-3! This doesn't get any closer than this folks! The last round before the Coaches fight, and since all the other events have been played, Locate and Terminate is left! Fairly simple this. You are both put into two rooms, and there are a large amount of hidden weapons hiding. You have to find them and disable them before they kill you. Coaches, the last two players please. Quinty and Joe Dark, I believe. Come on guys, let's go!
They both enter their rooms, and survey the area.
Quinty: Right, a filing cabinet, a bookshelf, a suspended razor blade ready to swing at me, various loaded weapons, lasers, a kitten. Oh MY GOD! A kitten! I am going to die!
Joe Dark: Hmm… this looks easy. Everything is in one place. Hehe. Who puts an atomic bomb next to a clock, and who in their right mind connects them with wire? And why is the clock counting down? And why is there only 56 seconds left? Oh Sh…
Presenter: GO!
Quinty quickly cuts the rope holding the razor blade and gets out of the way, takes the batteries out of the lasers, chucks the TOMY guns out of the window and searches the filing cabinet. Nothing. He wanders over to the bookshelf. Also nothing. He looks at the kitten, and backs off into the corner, where he waits for his moment to kill it….
Meanwhile, Joe Dark has set to work on stopping the countdown clock. He has located the wires, and is toyed between cutting the red, the blue, the green or the wire that has "Please don't cut, it will neutralize the bomb" He ponders for a while, and cuts the yellow. BOOM! He is killed instantly.
Presenter: If only he had cut the green wire, he would have been safe.
Quinty, however, has been watching the kitten for over an hour, and it has fallen asleep. Now is his time. He walks up to the kitten, and just as he is about to grab it, it yawns. Quinty jumps back, trips over the batteries for the lasers and falls onto the razor blade that somehow is still spinning. He dies.
Presenter: well, it's quite obvious who won…. The kitten! Since the kitten is on neither team, it is a draw, which makes it 4-4. Time for the coaches to fight. Please come here.
Remainder of Team Cube: yeah, go Microchips! You wrote the spoof, so you have to win!
Microchips: Well, I was gonna let them win, but who knows anymore.
Remainder of team 64: We hate you Twain! You spoiled it for everyone! Go home and die!
Twain: Jeez, sorry dudes!
Team: Oh, all right then, ummm…. Go Twain!
Twain: hehe, manipulating is fun!
Presenter: Walk up to the table please. Sit down. You will see in front of you some pictures. They all have a meaning. You have t work out what they are, and tell me. Oh, what the heck, this is a pants final round! Microchips! Sort it out man!
Microchips: Fine, ummm, let's kill eachother in anyway we like!
Twain: hehe, yeah, let's go!
They both get up from the table. Twain does some yoga to release his inner potential, where Microchips ties a Japanese style bandana around his head.
Microchips: Haaaaai! Zai! Woooooooo! (Add some pants dubbing and it looks real ;D)
Twain: I am at one with myself, Ying and Yang is balanced, I am ready!
They run towards eachother. Microchips jumps in the air and does a ninja style flying kick. It hits Twain in the ribs, and is knocked on the floor!
Microchips: Haaaaai!
Twain: Hoooo-hum! Be at one with myself.
Twain gets up, and sends a psychic energy blast at Microchips. He is blown back and hits the wall. Microchips uses a Ken/Ryu style dragon punch and fires it at Twain. It pushes him to the floor. Twain gets up and disappears. He pops back next to Microchips and smacks him in the face. Microchips is nearly knocked out. They both energize for the final attack.
Microchips: Haiiiidouken!
Twain: Waaaaaaa!
Microchips jumps up into the air and smacks Twain in the face, meanwhile Twain hits Microchips in the groin. They both fall to the floor, unable to go on.
Presenter: Wow! We have a tie! You know what this means folks… another spoof! Yes, the sign up has already been taken, and anticipation is at an all time high, which will hopefully earn me more money, so come back soon, because it will be bigger, badder, and meaner! Goodnight!
THE END of part one!
Presenter: Err.. two sugars, and a choccie biscuit.
Tea Man: O.K then, that'll be £3.95.
Presenter: £3.95?!!! How much do you think I earn? This job isn't exactly raking in the money, you know.
Tea man: Fine, I'll go see what the boss wants.
President of the show: Jim, get on with it, will you?
Presenter: yeah, fine then. So, welcome to the show. Today, we have two teams: Team cube and Team 64. They will be competing in various VR video games competitions (but they can actually die!), and the team with the most wins, is the overall winner. Let's meet the leaders of the teams.
Microchips: Hi Jim. Yes, it will be tough, and no, we will not give up. I believe my team is going to win through experience and style. I have recruited various members of a chatforum to come here. They are the best in the world, and there is no stopping us. Here's who is on my team:
Me
BIGMAN
JC
Quinty
TPHI
RM18
Hercules!
HalloHowArtThou
As you can see, I have an all-round team that is not going to stop at anything. We are going to kick butt! Team Cube rules!
Presenter: And on what basis do you form your opinion?
Microchips: Did you know that McKain also do many other microwavable products too?
Presenter: Yeah, I need something cheap and easy, as I get paid next-to-nothing
Microchips: So, how did you afford a microwave then?
Presenter: Err…That's beside the point. Moving on, to avoid any more embarrassing moments for me, let's meet Twain and Team 64.
Twain: Hi Peeps. I am Twain, and I am the coach of team 64. We are a great team, which will stop at nothing. In my team we have:
Me
Joe Dark
Dr.Duck
Badgerman
Pringle
Ashman
Cooky
Schroeder
Hah! Microchips, you are going to get burnt! Feel the power of sticking you in the microwave too long!
Microchips: Oh yeah Hillbilly, what you gonna do?
Twain: Hillbilly, what are you on about?
Microchips: Hyuk-hyuk! Hillbilly round up!
Twain: Right, come here you greasy based pack of fat!
Presenter: Hey! HEY! Give it a break you two, leave it until you fight! There are going to be various rounds:
Racing
Hunt and kill
Beat em up
Monkey rolling
Football
Locate and terminate
Antique collecting- nah, I'm just pulling your leg!
Pokemon beat them up!
And finally, the two coaches fight, in…. You'll have to see!
So, let's get on with the first round. Coaches, choose your players.
Microchips: JC, you got this one?
JC: yeah, sure coach, wish me luck guys!
Rest of team: Yeah, go on JC! Go for it!
Twain: Er.. Pringle, you're up!
Pringle: Once you pop, you can't stop!
Twain: Just go, for Pete's sake.
Presenter: O.K Guys, are you ready? GO!
Pringle and JC pull away from the starting grid, and veer hard to the left. They encounter some dodgy looking monkeys with sticks as they pass, but Pringle hits a monkey, forcing him to spin to the side of the track.
JC: Ha! Eat my dust you can of crisps!
Pringle: I'll get you!
Pringle catches up to JC, and drops what seems to look like a Can of Pringle's. JC stops, and indulges in some cheese and onion flavour. Pringle speeds past, laughing hard. He is about to reach the finish line, when the monkey comes to get revenge. He Hits Pringle with his stick many times on his head. Pringle dies of brain damage.
JC: Hey, thanks Monkey!
Monkey: Hey, no problem.
JC: What? You can talk? It doesn't make sense.
Monkey: Yeah, and like this whole spoof makes any sense.
Microchips: Watch it monkey…
JC crosses the line, and is met by a huge crowd cheering at him. He jumps out of his kart, takes his helmet off and walks over to Jim.
Presenter: JC, how does it feel to win?
JC: Well, it feels like I have just won a race, actually!
Presenter: State the obvious…
JC: Right, I'm off to see my coach…
Microchips: Hey, JC, what a race! Give me 5!
JC: No thanks, I'd rather not.
Microchips: Does everyone have it in for me or what?
Twain: Heh- Microchips needs a friend. Boo hoo!
Microchips: 1-0! Hah- in your face Twain!
Twain: Grrrr.. Just you wait!
Pringle's body is moved to the cemetery, but there is no space. Twain suggests throwing him off of the cliff. Pringle hits the rocks below, and is eaten by a sea monkey.
Presenter: First Monkey's with sticks, now sea monkeys? What is this? Day at the zoo?
Dr.Duck: Watch it!
Presenter: You don't find duck's at the zoo! Anyway, time for the next round. Pokemon beat em up! Who will be competing this time?
Microchips:, HalloHowArtThou you want to go up?
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, sure coach. Give me a gun and I'll get them.
Microchips: here is a rocket launcher, loaded with 19p irn-bru cans from your local shop. Go get the little baggers!
Presenter: Err.. You do realize that this is a family show? And that it is a pokemon beat them up, not a shoot them up?
Microchips: Well, I was kinda hoping that ….
Presenter: No, just beat them up, like smash brothers, but better
HalloHowArtThou: Better?
Presenter: yeah, you choose your pokemon, they you get the chance to beat them up.
HalloHowArtThou: Sweet!
Presenter: O.K then HalloHowArtThou, get in the arena, and choose your pokemon.
HalloHowArtThou: Pichu, because he is small and pathetic, and he won't be able to evolve into pikachu, who is the most annoying thing ever.
Presenter: O.K then, go and get ready. Your time will be recorded, to see how long it takes you to beat him up. The fastest out of you and your competitor will win.
HalloHowArtThou, are you ready? FIGHT!
HalloHowArtThou runs towards Pichu, and immediately hits him over the head with a succession of rapid kicks. He then pulls out a paintball gun (Family forums! Would like to make it a rocket launcher, but, you know…) and shot Pichu many times in the chest. Pichu got really mad and threw his crayons at HalloHowArtThou. They missed, and Pichu got even angrier. What's this? It seems there is a yellow stone floating through the air!
Twain: Here Pichu, take this!
HalloHowArtThou: you cheeky s…
Pichu evolves into Pikachu, and starts running at HalloHowArtThou. He hits HalloHowArtThou hard in the head, knocking him unconscious. He then gets up again after a while.
Pickachu: Pika Pika
HalloHowArtThou: Pika Pika your face! Die!
HalloHowArtThou pulls out said rocket launcher and shoots Pikachu in the face with it. He flies out of the arena, and after about ten minutes, there is a distant BANG.
Presenter: O.K, Judging by how fast you forum users read that fight, I would say that only took 37 seconds. Very quick!
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, that's for making Pokemon a worldwide franchise you little bagger!
Microchips: HalloHowArtThou, nice fight. Come and have a drink.
HalloHowArtThou: Great, cheers Coach.
Presenter: Twain, who will be fighting in your round?
Twain: Dr.Duck has got this one.
Dr.Duck: Hmmm… I choose Snortlax.
Presenter: Snortlax? Surely you mean Snorlax?
Dr.Duck: Let's just say, um, he has, er, friends in high places, if you know what I mean…
Presenter: Ah, yes, I know where you're coming from. *cough*Drugs*cough*
Dr.Duck: Right, let's go Snortlax!
They start fighting; Dr.Duck flies towards him and aims a very powerful headbutt into the chest of snortlax, but Snortlax doesn't seem affected.
Snortlax Jumps onto Dr.Duck and squashes him flat.
Microchips: Hah Twain, all you need now is some pancakes and you can have Peking duck!
Twain: Errr… Snortlax is from Japan, you fool!
Microchips: It was a joke!
Twain: Great joke there, flew straight over my head that one…
Microchips: Hah- look at Dr.Duck now!
Dr.Duck is being flown around in the air by snortlax, but suddenly, he jumps out of Snortlax's grasp and chucks a grenade down his throat!
Snortlax: *Sniff* Snortlax? Uhhh…
Dr.Duck: Hah, you overgrown abuser!
Snortlax is blown high into the air, and flies right out of distance.
Presenter: Great fight there Dr.Duck, it took about 27 seconds for the actual fight, but it seems our writer put some filler in there, so it extends to about, well, I lost track of time. So the only way this is going to be resolved is a fight between you two. Go!
HalloHowArtThou doesn't even bother getting up from the bench, and uses that friggin' rocket launcher on Dr.Duck.
Dr.Duck: NO! I have failed you master!
Presenter: Who is your master?
Dr.Duck: Duck Vader!
Presenter: But that doesn't make sense, you see, in the films…
He is stopped mid-sentence by the screams of Dr.Duck.
Presenter: Well that was an obvious win for team Cube. 2-0! Let's get on with the next round, which happens to be…. Hunt and Kill! Coaches, who would you think has the best chance of surviving?
Microchips: Hmmmm… RM18, go for it!
RM18: Yeah, I can do this!
Twain: Cooky, you up for this one?
Cooky: Actually, I need a sh…
Twain: Nice to hear your enthusiasm! Go out there NOW!
Cooky: O.K, but if I soil my boxers, you are in for it…
Twain: *snigger* He said boxers!
Presenter: O.K guys, you have 5 minutes to go into the arena, find a weapon (expect the unexpected) and kill eachother! Well, preferably only one person dies, as we need a winner and all… Ready guys, GO!
They both run into the arena, and take cover behind some barrels. RM18 grabs hold of a roof tile, and Cooky realizes he is lying in elephant poo. He grabs some.
They both run out from behind their barrels, RM18 throws the tile at Cooky, causing his arm to fall off. Cooky gets annoyed and chucks the elephant poo into RM18's face. RM18 can't take this anymore. He picks up an Uzi and fires at Cooky's direction. Bullets fly past Cooky, but one hits him in the leg. He is under immense pain, when, out of nowhere, he grabs a grenade and throws it. It lands next to RM18. He picks it up, gives it a shake, and waits. It hasn't gone off! He is about to throw it back, when BOOM! RM18 blows up. An R lands over there, then the M, the 1 falls down a hole in the floor, and there is no sign of the 8.
Presenter: We have a winner! Cooky wins!
Cooky: Ow! My arm…
He dies from blood loss.
Presenter: Well, they both died, but RM18 dies first, so Cooky won! 2-1 to team cube. The next round is the beat 'em up!
Microchips: Hmmm… tphi, you have this one.
Tphi: Yeah, sure, I'll lose though.
Microchips: No you won't, just try your best.
Tphi: Unfortunately, my best is also my worst.
Microchips: Oh… Well, try your best, or you worst or, or *runs*
Twain: Look at that box of chips go! Anyways, Ashman, it's time.
Ashman: For….?
Twain: The Millenium! You Muppet! Does the word fight mean anything to you?
Ashman: Ah! Yes, the fight! Let's go!
Ashman and tphi both enter the arena, both exchange dirty looks, and both run for cover behind their coaches. After some bribing, and the promise of a chocolate biscuit after the match, they come back out and start to fight.
Tphi delivers a face full of fist into Ashman, but Ashman quickly retaliates with the largest kick to the kidney of tphi.
Presenter: Hah Microchips! You said 'kidney' He has two you know!
Microchips: Watch it bucko! I have the power to say, "Out of my spoof" *clicks fingers* but to evil people!
Presenter: That is such a blatant advert rip-off!
Microchips: Yeah, well…. Hey, you insulted me! Once more and you go!
During this time, tphi has been destroyed by a stray shot for HalloHowArtThou's rocket launcher. Ashman is victorious!
Ashman: Wooo! I won! That makes it 2-2! Wooo woo woo woo!
Presenter: Woo?! Anyway, time for another round, monkey rolling methinks. Coaches, choose your players!
Microchips: Hercules! Let's go! Roll them monkeys like you've never rolled monkeys before.
Hercules!: I haven't rolled monkeys before coach…
Microchips: Well, er…. erm, good luck then.
Twain: Hmmmm… Schroeder, time to go!
Schroeder: O.k then. This is funny! Me, Herc and the monkeys are all from SR!
Monkeys: Gah! Not you two again! First we get friggin' fake staff boy, then you!
Hercules!: Hey! Don't insult Schroeder! I might be afraid to ring her up, but I still protect her!
Schroeder: Hehe! I like monkeys! Monkeys are funny! Funny is monkeys!
Hercules!: Yeah, well, er…… *runs*
Presenter: They step up to the line. Hercules adjusts his fake staff badge, while Schroeder looks at the monkeys. They both concentrate on the task ahead. Hercules! to go first!
Hercules: Hmmm….. MoJoJoJo it is. Oy! Get over here!
MoJo: How come I always end up in these spoofs by this random guy? I didn't sign up.
Hercules!: Who cares!
Hercules rams his fingers into Mojo, and rolls him down the lane. It is a perfect strike.
Hercules!: Woo! I knew rolling MoJo would be a good idea. Yeah! Beat that!
Schroeder: O.K then, I will!
Schroeder rolls two monkeys down two lanes and gets two perfect strikes.
Yeah.
Presenter: Two strikes! Schroeder wins! 3-2 to team 64!
Twain: Har-Har Microchips! You are loosing! Only 2 more rounds and then your day has come.
Microchips: Well, yeah, meh.
Presenter: Oy! Bring me back my fish Buck-o! Oh…. We're back on. Er… yes, Hi, Welcome to this show, about some people, doing some stuff, and monkeys, and, er…. Let's get on with the next round! Football it is, so coaches, pick your players!
Microchips: Yes, well, erm…. BIGMAN! Go for it!
BIGMAN: My time hath cometh. Timeth to kicketh butteth.
Microchips: Go for it! And drop the dodgy accent.
BIGMAN: Sorry man, gotta jet. Ciao!
Microchips: Twain! You put something in his Lucozade!
Twain: Yeah, well, sue me!
Microchips: Gah! I'll get you! *Shakes fist*
Twain: Erm… You! Badger boy! Get here.
Badgerman: Bagger you! My name is badgerman! Fool! I'll tell myself how to play!
Badgerman walk onto the pitch, hidden gun in one hand, Danish pastry in the other.
BIGMAN stares at Badgerman. The wonder of drugs still pumping through his body. To him, the pitch is a vast array of bright colours. A vain twitches above his eye. He has his mind on only one thing. The football. He continues to stare at Badgerman, without blinking for about 5 minutes. His eyes get bloodshot. He cries.
Presenter: Righty-o then. Time to start the match. One goal, anything goes. You ready?
Badgerman: I just need to tie my laces….
Presenter: Go!
The ball is dropped. They both run at the ball, Badgerman gets there first, takes it past BIGMAN. BIGMAN suddenly pulls out a frisbee and hurls it at Badgerman. It makes him lose his concentration. BIGMAN takes the ball, and has a shot from half way! It flying, heading towards the goal! Surely this is a goal, and so early on too… but wait! Is that… yes, it is! It's a Danish Pastry! It's catching up with the ball, and knocks it off course! Badgerman retrieves the ball, and runs towards BIGMAN's goal. BIGMAN stands looking. He runs towards Badgerman's goal, picks up the Danish pastry, looks at Badgerman, and eats it. BOOM! His head is blown off, and Badgerman is clear for the goal. Badgerman trots up to the goal, stops at the edge of the area, tries his best to form a Mohican in his hair, and has a go at a David Beckham impression. He smacks the ball as hard as he can…. It hurtles through the air with unimaginable speed…. And it hits the crossbar! It is on a course for Badgerman's own goal!
Twain: Oh you Muppet! Get the ball, get the ball!
Badgerman runs as fast as he can, reaches the goal first, prepares himself for the catch, when suddenly BIGMAN's head falls from the sky, and knocks him over. The ball floats into the goal.
Badgerman: I knew I should have used my gun! Gah! Stupid exploding pastry! Bagger you!
Twain: For gawd's sakes! You could have just tapped it in, but no, you had to go all David Beckham. Gah! Some people!
Presenter: What a match! What a match! A win for the late BIGMAN makes it 3-3! This doesn't get any closer than this folks! The last round before the Coaches fight, and since all the other events have been played, Locate and Terminate is left! Fairly simple this. You are both put into two rooms, and there are a large amount of hidden weapons hiding. You have to find them and disable them before they kill you. Coaches, the last two players please. Quinty and Joe Dark, I believe. Come on guys, let's go!
They both enter their rooms, and survey the area.
Quinty: Right, a filing cabinet, a bookshelf, a suspended razor blade ready to swing at me, various loaded weapons, lasers, a kitten. Oh MY GOD! A kitten! I am going to die!
Joe Dark: Hmm… this looks easy. Everything is in one place. Hehe. Who puts an atomic bomb next to a clock, and who in their right mind connects them with wire? And why is the clock counting down? And why is there only 56 seconds left? Oh Sh…
Presenter: GO!
Quinty quickly cuts the rope holding the razor blade and gets out of the way, takes the batteries out of the lasers, chucks the TOMY guns out of the window and searches the filing cabinet. Nothing. He wanders over to the bookshelf. Also nothing. He looks at the kitten, and backs off into the corner, where he waits for his moment to kill it….
Meanwhile, Joe Dark has set to work on stopping the countdown clock. He has located the wires, and is toyed between cutting the red, the blue, the green or the wire that has "Please don't cut, it will neutralize the bomb" He ponders for a while, and cuts the yellow. BOOM! He is killed instantly.
Presenter: If only he had cut the green wire, he would have been safe.
Quinty, however, has been watching the kitten for over an hour, and it has fallen asleep. Now is his time. He walks up to the kitten, and just as he is about to grab it, it yawns. Quinty jumps back, trips over the batteries for the lasers and falls onto the razor blade that somehow is still spinning. He dies.
Presenter: well, it's quite obvious who won…. The kitten! Since the kitten is on neither team, it is a draw, which makes it 4-4. Time for the coaches to fight. Please come here.
Remainder of Team Cube: yeah, go Microchips! You wrote the spoof, so you have to win!
Microchips: Well, I was gonna let them win, but who knows anymore.
Remainder of team 64: We hate you Twain! You spoiled it for everyone! Go home and die!
Twain: Jeez, sorry dudes!
Team: Oh, all right then, ummm…. Go Twain!
Twain: hehe, manipulating is fun!
Presenter: Walk up to the table please. Sit down. You will see in front of you some pictures. They all have a meaning. You have t work out what they are, and tell me. Oh, what the heck, this is a pants final round! Microchips! Sort it out man!
Microchips: Fine, ummm, let's kill eachother in anyway we like!
Twain: hehe, yeah, let's go!
They both get up from the table. Twain does some yoga to release his inner potential, where Microchips ties a Japanese style bandana around his head.
Microchips: Haaaaai! Zai! Woooooooo! (Add some pants dubbing and it looks real ;D)
Twain: I am at one with myself, Ying and Yang is balanced, I am ready!
They run towards eachother. Microchips jumps in the air and does a ninja style flying kick. It hits Twain in the ribs, and is knocked on the floor!
Microchips: Haaaaai!
Twain: Hoooo-hum! Be at one with myself.
Twain gets up, and sends a psychic energy blast at Microchips. He is blown back and hits the wall. Microchips uses a Ken/Ryu style dragon punch and fires it at Twain. It pushes him to the floor. Twain gets up and disappears. He pops back next to Microchips and smacks him in the face. Microchips is nearly knocked out. They both energize for the final attack.
Microchips: Haiiiidouken!
Twain: Waaaaaaa!
Microchips jumps up into the air and smacks Twain in the face, meanwhile Twain hits Microchips in the groin. They both fall to the floor, unable to go on.
Presenter: Wow! We have a tie! You know what this means folks… another spoof! Yes, the sign up has already been taken, and anticipation is at an all time high, which will hopefully earn me more money, so come back soon, because it will be bigger, badder, and meaner! Goodnight!
THE END of part one!
POP!
C'mon guys! Please read it!
:D
C'mon guys! Please read it!
:D
Nope, well, only in FOG chat too. That was also yesterday!
oh, and cool name dude!
:D
oh, and cool name dude!
:D
Haven't you posted this one already?
heh- I don't write 3000 word spoofs in 2 days. I started this one way back in april, so the one you signed up for hasn't been started yet.
Mkay?
:D
Mkay?
:D
oh... thats what a spoof is. It was very good Micro, but how come I wasn't in it as I signed up?
POP!
Come on guys, there were loads of you in this spoof!
It doesn't take that long to read.
:D
Come on guys, there were loads of you in this spoof!
It doesn't take that long to read.
:D
Just read, you'll find out!
:D
:D
A spoof of what?
Tea Man: So Jim, what'll you have?
Presenter: Err.. two sugars, and a choccie biscuit.
Tea Man: O.K then, that'll be £3.95.
Presenter: £3.95?!!! How much do you think I earn? This job isn't exactly raking in the money, you know.
Tea man: Fine, I'll go see what the boss wants.
President of the show: Jim, get on with it, will you?
Presenter: yeah, fine then. So, welcome to the show. Today, we have two teams: Team cube and Team 64. They will be competing in various VR video games competitions (but they can actually die!), and the team with the most wins, is the overall winner. Let's meet the leaders of the teams.
Microchips: Hi Jim. Yes, it will be tough, and no, we will not give up. I believe my team is going to win through experience and style. I have recruited various members of a chatforum to come here. They are the best in the world, and there is no stopping us. Here's who is on my team:
Me
BIGMAN
JC
Quinty
TPHI
RM18
Hercules!
HalloHowArtThou
As you can see, I have an all-round team that is not going to stop at anything. We are going to kick butt! Team Cube rules!
Presenter: And on what basis do you form your opinion?
Microchips: Did you know that McKain also do many other microwavable products too?
Presenter: Yeah, I need something cheap and easy, as I get paid next-to-nothing
Microchips: So, how did you afford a microwave then?
Presenter: Err…That's beside the point. Moving on, to avoid any more embarrassing moments for me, let's meet Twain and Team 64.
Twain: Hi Peeps. I am Twain, and I am the coach of team 64. We are a great team, which will stop at nothing. In my team we have:
Me
Joe Dark
Dr.Duck
Badgerman
Pringle
Ashman
Cooky
Schroeder
Hah! Microchips, you are going to get burnt! Feel the power of sticking you in the microwave too long!
Microchips: Oh yeah Hillbilly, what you gonna do?
Twain: Hillbilly, what are you on about?
Microchips: Hyuk-hyuk! Hillbilly round up!
Twain: Right, come here you greasy based pack of fat!
Presenter: Hey! HEY! Give it a break you two, leave it until you fight! There are going to be various rounds:
Racing
Hunt and kill
Beat em up
Monkey rolling
Football
Locate and terminate
Antique collecting- nah, I'm just pulling your leg!
Pokemon beat them up!
And finally, the two coaches fight, in…. You'll have to see!
So, let's get on with the first round. Coaches, choose your players.
Microchips: JC, you got this one?
JC: yeah, sure coach, wish me luck guys!
Rest of team: Yeah, go on JC! Go for it!
Twain: Er.. Pringle, you're up!
Pringle: Once you pop, you can't stop!
Twain: Just go, for Pete's sake.
Presenter: O.K Guys, are you ready? GO!
Pringle and JC pull away from the starting grid, and veer hard to the left. They encounter some dodgy looking monkeys with sticks as they pass, but Pringle hits a monkey, forcing him to spin to the side of the track.
JC: Ha! Eat my dust you can of crisps!
Pringle: I'll get you!
Pringle catches up to JC, and drops what seems to look like a Can of Pringle's. JC stops, and indulges in some cheese and onion flavour. Pringle speeds past, laughing hard. He is about to reach the finish line, when the monkey comes to get revenge. He Hits Pringle with his stick many times on his head. Pringle dies of brain damage.
JC: Hey, thanks Monkey!
Monkey: Hey, no problem.
JC: What? You can talk? It doesn't make sense.
Monkey: Yeah, and like this whole spoof makes any sense.
Microchips: Watch it monkey…
JC crosses the line, and is met by a huge crowd cheering at him. He jumps out of his kart, takes his helmet off and walks over to Jim.
Presenter: JC, how does it feel to win?
JC: Well, it feels like I have just won a race, actually!
Presenter: State the obvious…
JC: Right, I'm off to see my coach…
Microchips: Hey, JC, what a race! Give me 5!
JC: No thanks, I'd rather not.
Microchips: Does everyone have it in for me or what?
Twain: Heh- Microchips needs a friend. Boo hoo!
Microchips: 1-0! Hah- in your face Twain!
Twain: Grrrr.. Just you wait!
Pringle's body is moved to the cemetery, but there is no space. Twain suggests throwing him off of the cliff. Pringle hits the rocks below, and is eaten by a sea monkey.
Presenter: First Monkey's with sticks, now sea monkeys? What is this? Day at the zoo?
Dr.Duck: Watch it!
Presenter: You don't find duck's at the zoo! Anyway, time for the next round. Pokemon beat em up! Who will be competing this time?
Microchips:, HalloHowArtThou you want to go up?
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, sure coach. Give me a gun and I'll get them.
Microchips: here is a rocket launcher, loaded with 19p irn-bru cans from your local shop. Go get the little baggers!
Presenter: Err.. You do realize that this is a family show? And that it is a pokemon beat them up, not a shoot them up?
Microchips: Well, I was kinda hoping that ….
Presenter: No, just beat them up, like smash brothers, but better
HalloHowArtThou: Better?
Presenter: yeah, you choose your pokemon, they you get the chance to beat them up.
HalloHowArtThou: Sweet!
Presenter: O.K then HalloHowArtThou, get in the arena, and choose your pokemon.
HalloHowArtThou: Pichu, because he is small and pathetic, and he won't be able to evolve into pikachu, who is the most annoying thing ever.
Presenter: O.K then, go and get ready. Your time will be recorded, to see how long it takes you to beat him up. The fastest out of you and your competitor will win.
HalloHowArtThou, are you ready? FIGHT!
HalloHowArtThou runs towards Pichu, and immediately hits him over the head with a succession of rapid kicks. He then pulls out a paintball gun (Family forums! Would like to make it a rocket launcher, but, you know…) and shot Pichu many times in the chest. Pichu got really mad and threw his crayons at HalloHowArtThou. They missed, and Pichu got even angrier. What's this? It seems there is a yellow stone floating through the air!
Twain: Here Pichu, take this!
HalloHowArtThou: you cheeky s…
Pichu evolves into Pikachu, and starts running at HalloHowArtThou. He hits HalloHowArtThou hard in the head, knocking him unconscious. He then gets up again after a while.
Pickachu: Pika Pika
HalloHowArtThou: Pika Pika your face! Die!
HalloHowArtThou pulls out said rocket launcher and shoots Pikachu in the face with it. He flies out of the arena, and after about ten minutes, there is a distant BANG.
Presenter: O.K, Judging by how fast you forum users read that fight, I would say that only took 37 seconds. Very quick!
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, that's for making Pokemon a worldwide franchise you little bagger!
Microchips: HalloHowArtThou, nice fight. Come and have a drink.
HalloHowArtThou: Great, cheers Coach.
Presenter: Twain, who will be fighting in your round?
Twain: Dr.Duck has got this one.
Dr.Duck: Hmmm… I choose Snortlax.
Presenter: Snortlax? Surely you mean Snorlax?
Dr.Duck: Let's just say, um, he has, er, friends in high places, if you know what I mean…
Presenter: Ah, yes, I know where you're coming from. *cough*Drugs*cough*
Dr.Duck: Right, let's go Snortlax!
They start fighting; Dr.Duck flies towards him and aims a very powerful headbutt into the chest of snortlax, but Snortlax doesn't seem affected.
Snortlax Jumps onto Dr.Duck and squashes him flat.
Microchips: Hah Twain, all you need now is some pancakes and you can have Peking duck!
Twain: Errr… Snortlax is from Japan, you fool!
Microchips: It was a joke!
Twain: Great joke there, flew straight over my head that one…
Microchips: Hah- look at Dr.Duck now!
Dr.Duck is being flown around in the air by snortlax, but suddenly, he jumps out of Snortlax's grasp and chucks a grenade down his throat!
Snortlax: *Sniff* Snortlax? Uhhh…
Dr.Duck: Hah, you overgrown abuser!
Snortlax is blown high into the air, and flies right out of distance.
Presenter: Great fight there Dr.Duck, it took about 27 seconds for the actual fight, but it seems our writer put some filler in there, so it extends to about, well, I lost track of time. So the only way this is going to be resolved is a fight between you two. Go!
HalloHowArtThou doesn't even bother getting up from the bench, and uses that friggin' rocket launcher on Dr.Duck.
Dr.Duck: NO! I have failed you master!
Presenter: Who is your master?
Dr.Duck: Duck Vader!
Presenter: But that doesn't make sense, you see, in the films…
He is stopped mid-sentence by the screams of Dr.Duck.
Presenter: Well that was an obvious win for team Cube. 2-0! Let's get on with the next round, which happens to be…. Hunt and Kill! Coaches, who would you think has the best chance of surviving?
Microchips: Hmmmm… RM18, go for it!
RM18: Yeah, I can do this!
Twain: Cooky, you up for this one?
Cooky: Actually, I need a sh…
Twain: Nice to hear your enthusiasm! Go out there NOW!
Cooky: O.K, but if I soil my boxers, you are in for it…
Twain: *snigger* He said boxers!
Presenter: O.K guys, you have 5 minutes to go into the arena, find a weapon (expect the unexpected) and kill eachother! Well, preferably only one person dies, as we need a winner and all… Ready guys, GO!
They both run into the arena, and take cover behind some barrels. RM18 grabs hold of a roof tile, and Cooky realizes he is lying in elephant poo. He grabs some.
They both run out from behind their barrels, RM18 throws the tile at Cooky, causing his arm to fall off. Cooky gets annoyed and chucks the elephant poo into RM18's face. RM18 can't take this anymore. He picks up an Uzi and fires at Cooky's direction. Bullets fly past Cooky, but one hits him in the leg. He is under immense pain, when, out of nowhere, he grabs a grenade and throws it. It lands next to RM18. He picks it up, gives it a shake, and waits. It hasn't gone off! He is about to throw it back, when BOOM! RM18 blows up. An R lands over there, then the M, the 1 falls down a hole in the floor, and there is no sign of the 8.
Presenter: We have a winner! Cooky wins!
Cooky: Ow! My arm…
He dies from blood loss.
Presenter: Well, they both died, but RM18 dies first, so Cooky won! 2-1 to team cube. The next round is the beat 'em up!
Microchips: Hmmm… tphi, you have this one.
Tphi: Yeah, sure, I'll lose though.
Microchips: No you won't, just try your best.
Tphi: Unfortunately, my best is also my worst.
Microchips: Oh… Well, try your best, or you worst or, or *runs*
Twain: Look at that box of chips go! Anyways, Ashman, it's time.
Ashman: For….?
Twain: The Millenium! You Muppet! Does the word fight mean anything to you?
Ashman: Ah! Yes, the fight! Let's go!
Ashman and tphi both enter the arena, both exchange dirty looks, and both run for cover behind their coaches. After some bribing, and the promise of a chocolate biscuit after the match, they come back out and start to fight.
Tphi delivers a face full of fist into Ashman, but Ashman quickly retaliates with the largest kick to the kidney of tphi.
Presenter: Hah Microchips! You said 'kidney' He has two you know!
Microchips: Watch it bucko! I have the power to say, "Out of my spoof" *clicks fingers* but to evil people!
Presenter: That is such a blatant advert rip-off!
Microchips: Yeah, well…. Hey, you insulted me! Once more and you go!
During this time, tphi has been destroyed by a stray shot for HalloHowArtThou's rocket launcher. Ashman is victorious!
Ashman: Wooo! I won! That makes it 2-2! Wooo woo woo woo!
Presenter: Woo?! Anyway, time for another round, monkey rolling methinks. Coaches, choose your players!
Microchips: Hercules! Let's go! Roll them monkeys like you've never rolled monkeys before.
Hercules!: I haven't rolled monkeys before coach…
Microchips: Well, er…. erm, good luck then.
Twain: Hmmmm… Schroeder, time to go!
Schroeder: O.k then. This is funny! Me, Herc and the monkeys are all from SR!
Monkeys: Gah! Not you two again! First we get friggin' fake staff boy, then you!
Hercules!: Hey! Don't insult Schroeder! I might be afraid to ring her up, but I still protect her!
Schroeder: Hehe! I like monkeys! Monkeys are funny! Funny is monkeys!
Hercules!: Yeah, well, er…… *runs*
Presenter: They step up to the line. Hercules adjusts his fake staff badge, while Schroeder looks at the monkeys. They both concentrate on the task ahead. Hercules! to go first!
Hercules: Hmmm….. MoJoJoJo it is. Oy! Get over here!
MoJo: How come I always end up in these spoofs by this random guy? I didn't sign up.
Hercules!: Who cares!
Hercules rams his fingers into Mojo, and rolls him down the lane. It is a perfect strike.
Hercules!: Woo! I knew rolling MoJo would be a good idea. Yeah! Beat that!
Schroeder: O.K then, I will!
Schroeder rolls two monkeys down two lanes and gets two perfect strikes.
Yeah.
Presenter: Two strikes! Schroeder wins! 3-2 to team 64!
Twain: Har-Har Microchips! You are loosing! Only 2 more rounds and then your day has come.
Microchips: Well, yeah, meh.
Presenter: Oy! Bring me back my fish Buck-o! Oh…. We're back on. Er… yes, Hi, Welcome to this show, about some people, doing some stuff, and monkeys, and, er…. Let's get on with the next round! Football it is, so coaches, pick your players!
Microchips: Yes, well, erm…. BIGMAN! Go for it!
BIGMAN: My time hath cometh. Timeth to kicketh butteth.
Microchips: Go for it! And drop the dodgy accent.
BIGMAN: Sorry man, gotta jet. Ciao!
Microchips: Twain! You put something in his Lucozade!
Twain: Yeah, well, sue me!
Microchips: Gah! I'll get you! *Shakes fist*
Twain: Erm… You! Badger boy! Get here.
Badgerman: Bagger you! My name is badgerman! Fool! I'll tell myself how to play!
Badgerman walk onto the pitch, hidden gun in one hand, Danish pastry in the other.
BIGMAN stares at Badgerman. The wonder of drugs still pumping through his body. To him, the pitch is a vast array of bright colours. A vain twitches above his eye. He has his mind on only one thing. The football. He continues to stare at Badgerman, without blinking for about 5 minutes. His eyes get bloodshot. He cries.
Presenter: Righty-o then. Time to start the match. One goal, anything goes. You ready?
Badgerman: I just need to tie my laces….
Presenter: Go!
The ball is dropped. They both run at the ball, Badgerman gets there first, takes it past BIGMAN. BIGMAN suddenly pulls out a frisbee and hurls it at Badgerman. It makes him lose his concentration. BIGMAN takes the ball, and has a shot from half way! It flying, heading towards the goal! Surely this is a goal, and so early on too… but wait! Is that… yes, it is! It's a Danish Pastry! It's catching up with the ball, and knocks it off course! Badgerman retrieves the ball, and runs towards BIGMAN's goal. BIGMAN stands looking. He runs towards Badgerman's goal, picks up the Danish pastry, looks at Badgerman, and eats it. BOOM! His head is blown off, and Badgerman is clear for the goal. Badgerman trots up to the goal, stops at the edge of the area, tries his best to form a Mohican in his hair, and has a go at a David Beckham impression. He smacks the ball as hard as he can…. It hurtles through the air with unimaginable speed…. And it hits the crossbar! It is on a course for Badgerman's own goal!
Twain: Oh you Muppet! Get the ball, get the ball!
Badgerman runs as fast as he can, reaches the goal first, prepares himself for the catch, when suddenly BIGMAN's head falls from the sky, and knocks him over. The ball floats into the goal.
Badgerman: I knew I should have used my gun! Gah! Stupid exploding pastry! Bagger you!
Twain: For gawd's sakes! You could have just tapped it in, but no, you had to go all David Beckham. Gah! Some people!
Presenter: What a match! What a match! A win for the late BIGMAN makes it 3-3! This doesn't get any closer than this folks! The last round before the Coaches fight, and since all the other events have been played, Locate and Terminate is left! Fairly simple this. You are both put into two rooms, and there are a large amount of hidden weapons hiding. You have to find them and disable them before they kill you. Coaches, the last two players please. Quinty and Joe Dark, I believe. Come on guys, let's go!
They both enter their rooms, and survey the area.
Quinty: Right, a filing cabinet, a bookshelf, a suspended razor blade ready to swing at me, various loaded weapons, lasers, a kitten. Oh MY GOD! A kitten! I am going to die!
Joe Dark: Hmm… this looks easy. Everything is in one place. Hehe. Who puts an atomic bomb next to a clock, and who in their right mind connects them with wire? And why is the clock counting down? And why is there only 56 seconds left? Oh Sh…
Presenter: GO!
Quinty quickly cuts the rope holding the razor blade and gets out of the way, takes the batteries out of the lasers, chucks the TOMY guns out of the window and searches the filing cabinet. Nothing. He wanders over to the bookshelf. Also nothing. He looks at the kitten, and backs off into the corner, where he waits for his moment to kill it….
Meanwhile, Joe Dark has set to work on stopping the countdown clock. He has located the wires, and is toyed between cutting the red, the blue, the green or the wire that has "Please don't cut, it will neutralize the bomb" He ponders for a while, and cuts the yellow. BOOM! He is killed instantly.
Presenter: If only he had cut the green wire, he would have been safe.
Quinty, however, has been watching the kitten for over an hour, and it has fallen asleep. Now is his time. He walks up to the kitten, and just as he is about to grab it, it yawns. Quinty jumps back, trips over the batteries for the lasers and falls onto the razor blade that somehow is still spinning. He dies.
Presenter: well, it's quite obvious who won…. The kitten! Since the kitten is on neither team, it is a draw, which makes it 4-4. Time for the coaches to fight. Please come here.
Remainder of Team Cube: yeah, go Microchips! You wrote the spoof, so you have to win!
Microchips: Well, I was gonna let them win, but who knows anymore.
Remainder of team 64: We hate you Twain! You spoiled it for everyone! Go home and die!
Twain: Jeez, sorry dudes!
Team: Oh, all right then, ummm…. Go Twain!
Twain: hehe, manipulating is fun!
Presenter: Walk up to the table please. Sit down. You will see in front of you some pictures. They all have a meaning. You have t work out what they are, and tell me. Oh, what the heck, this is a pants final round! Microchips! Sort it out man!
Microchips: Fine, ummm, let's kill eachother in anyway we like!
Twain: hehe, yeah, let's go!
They both get up from the table. Twain does some yoga to release his inner potential, where Microchips ties a Japanese style bandana around his head.
Microchips: Haaaaai! Zai! Woooooooo! (Add some pants dubbing and it looks real ;D)
Twain: I am at one with myself, Ying and Yang is balanced, I am ready!
They run towards eachother. Microchips jumps in the air and does a ninja style flying kick. It hits Twain in the ribs, and is knocked on the floor!
Microchips: Haaaaai!
Twain: Hoooo-hum! Be at one with myself.
Twain gets up, and sends a psychic energy blast at Microchips. He is blown back and hits the wall. Microchips uses a Ken/Ryu style dragon punch and fires it at Twain. It pushes him to the floor. Twain gets up and disappears. He pops back next to Microchips and smacks him in the face. Microchips is nearly knocked out. They both energize for the final attack.
Microchips: Haiiiidouken!
Twain: Waaaaaaa!
Microchips jumps up into the air and smacks Twain in the face, meanwhile Twain hits Microchips in the groin. They both fall to the floor, unable to go on.
Presenter: Wow! We have a tie! You know what this means folks… another spoof! Yes, the sign up has already been taken, and anticipation is at an all time high, which will hopefully earn me more money, so come back soon, because it will be bigger, badder, and meaner! Goodnight!
THE END of part one!
Presenter: Err.. two sugars, and a choccie biscuit.
Tea Man: O.K then, that'll be £3.95.
Presenter: £3.95?!!! How much do you think I earn? This job isn't exactly raking in the money, you know.
Tea man: Fine, I'll go see what the boss wants.
President of the show: Jim, get on with it, will you?
Presenter: yeah, fine then. So, welcome to the show. Today, we have two teams: Team cube and Team 64. They will be competing in various VR video games competitions (but they can actually die!), and the team with the most wins, is the overall winner. Let's meet the leaders of the teams.
Microchips: Hi Jim. Yes, it will be tough, and no, we will not give up. I believe my team is going to win through experience and style. I have recruited various members of a chatforum to come here. They are the best in the world, and there is no stopping us. Here's who is on my team:
Me
BIGMAN
JC
Quinty
TPHI
RM18
Hercules!
HalloHowArtThou
As you can see, I have an all-round team that is not going to stop at anything. We are going to kick butt! Team Cube rules!
Presenter: And on what basis do you form your opinion?
Microchips: Did you know that McKain also do many other microwavable products too?
Presenter: Yeah, I need something cheap and easy, as I get paid next-to-nothing
Microchips: So, how did you afford a microwave then?
Presenter: Err…That's beside the point. Moving on, to avoid any more embarrassing moments for me, let's meet Twain and Team 64.
Twain: Hi Peeps. I am Twain, and I am the coach of team 64. We are a great team, which will stop at nothing. In my team we have:
Me
Joe Dark
Dr.Duck
Badgerman
Pringle
Ashman
Cooky
Schroeder
Hah! Microchips, you are going to get burnt! Feel the power of sticking you in the microwave too long!
Microchips: Oh yeah Hillbilly, what you gonna do?
Twain: Hillbilly, what are you on about?
Microchips: Hyuk-hyuk! Hillbilly round up!
Twain: Right, come here you greasy based pack of fat!
Presenter: Hey! HEY! Give it a break you two, leave it until you fight! There are going to be various rounds:
Racing
Hunt and kill
Beat em up
Monkey rolling
Football
Locate and terminate
Antique collecting- nah, I'm just pulling your leg!
Pokemon beat them up!
And finally, the two coaches fight, in…. You'll have to see!
So, let's get on with the first round. Coaches, choose your players.
Microchips: JC, you got this one?
JC: yeah, sure coach, wish me luck guys!
Rest of team: Yeah, go on JC! Go for it!
Twain: Er.. Pringle, you're up!
Pringle: Once you pop, you can't stop!
Twain: Just go, for Pete's sake.
Presenter: O.K Guys, are you ready? GO!
Pringle and JC pull away from the starting grid, and veer hard to the left. They encounter some dodgy looking monkeys with sticks as they pass, but Pringle hits a monkey, forcing him to spin to the side of the track.
JC: Ha! Eat my dust you can of crisps!
Pringle: I'll get you!
Pringle catches up to JC, and drops what seems to look like a Can of Pringle's. JC stops, and indulges in some cheese and onion flavour. Pringle speeds past, laughing hard. He is about to reach the finish line, when the monkey comes to get revenge. He Hits Pringle with his stick many times on his head. Pringle dies of brain damage.
JC: Hey, thanks Monkey!
Monkey: Hey, no problem.
JC: What? You can talk? It doesn't make sense.
Monkey: Yeah, and like this whole spoof makes any sense.
Microchips: Watch it monkey…
JC crosses the line, and is met by a huge crowd cheering at him. He jumps out of his kart, takes his helmet off and walks over to Jim.
Presenter: JC, how does it feel to win?
JC: Well, it feels like I have just won a race, actually!
Presenter: State the obvious…
JC: Right, I'm off to see my coach…
Microchips: Hey, JC, what a race! Give me 5!
JC: No thanks, I'd rather not.
Microchips: Does everyone have it in for me or what?
Twain: Heh- Microchips needs a friend. Boo hoo!
Microchips: 1-0! Hah- in your face Twain!
Twain: Grrrr.. Just you wait!
Pringle's body is moved to the cemetery, but there is no space. Twain suggests throwing him off of the cliff. Pringle hits the rocks below, and is eaten by a sea monkey.
Presenter: First Monkey's with sticks, now sea monkeys? What is this? Day at the zoo?
Dr.Duck: Watch it!
Presenter: You don't find duck's at the zoo! Anyway, time for the next round. Pokemon beat em up! Who will be competing this time?
Microchips:, HalloHowArtThou you want to go up?
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, sure coach. Give me a gun and I'll get them.
Microchips: here is a rocket launcher, loaded with 19p irn-bru cans from your local shop. Go get the little baggers!
Presenter: Err.. You do realize that this is a family show? And that it is a pokemon beat them up, not a shoot them up?
Microchips: Well, I was kinda hoping that ….
Presenter: No, just beat them up, like smash brothers, but better
HalloHowArtThou: Better?
Presenter: yeah, you choose your pokemon, they you get the chance to beat them up.
HalloHowArtThou: Sweet!
Presenter: O.K then HalloHowArtThou, get in the arena, and choose your pokemon.
HalloHowArtThou: Pichu, because he is small and pathetic, and he won't be able to evolve into pikachu, who is the most annoying thing ever.
Presenter: O.K then, go and get ready. Your time will be recorded, to see how long it takes you to beat him up. The fastest out of you and your competitor will win.
HalloHowArtThou, are you ready? FIGHT!
HalloHowArtThou runs towards Pichu, and immediately hits him over the head with a succession of rapid kicks. He then pulls out a paintball gun (Family forums! Would like to make it a rocket launcher, but, you know…) and shot Pichu many times in the chest. Pichu got really mad and threw his crayons at HalloHowArtThou. They missed, and Pichu got even angrier. What's this? It seems there is a yellow stone floating through the air!
Twain: Here Pichu, take this!
HalloHowArtThou: you cheeky s…
Pichu evolves into Pikachu, and starts running at HalloHowArtThou. He hits HalloHowArtThou hard in the head, knocking him unconscious. He then gets up again after a while.
Pickachu: Pika Pika
HalloHowArtThou: Pika Pika your face! Die!
HalloHowArtThou pulls out said rocket launcher and shoots Pikachu in the face with it. He flies out of the arena, and after about ten minutes, there is a distant BANG.
Presenter: O.K, Judging by how fast you forum users read that fight, I would say that only took 37 seconds. Very quick!
HalloHowArtThou: Yeah, that's for making Pokemon a worldwide franchise you little bagger!
Microchips: HalloHowArtThou, nice fight. Come and have a drink.
HalloHowArtThou: Great, cheers Coach.
Presenter: Twain, who will be fighting in your round?
Twain: Dr.Duck has got this one.
Dr.Duck: Hmmm… I choose Snortlax.
Presenter: Snortlax? Surely you mean Snorlax?
Dr.Duck: Let's just say, um, he has, er, friends in high places, if you know what I mean…
Presenter: Ah, yes, I know where you're coming from. *cough*Drugs*cough*
Dr.Duck: Right, let's go Snortlax!
They start fighting; Dr.Duck flies towards him and aims a very powerful headbutt into the chest of snortlax, but Snortlax doesn't seem affected.
Snortlax Jumps onto Dr.Duck and squashes him flat.
Microchips: Hah Twain, all you need now is some pancakes and you can have Peking duck!
Twain: Errr… Snortlax is from Japan, you fool!
Microchips: It was a joke!
Twain: Great joke there, flew straight over my head that one…
Microchips: Hah- look at Dr.Duck now!
Dr.Duck is being flown around in the air by snortlax, but suddenly, he jumps out of Snortlax's grasp and chucks a grenade down his throat!
Snortlax: *Sniff* Snortlax? Uhhh…
Dr.Duck: Hah, you overgrown abuser!
Snortlax is blown high into the air, and flies right out of distance.
Presenter: Great fight there Dr.Duck, it took about 27 seconds for the actual fight, but it seems our writer put some filler in there, so it extends to about, well, I lost track of time. So the only way this is going to be resolved is a fight between you two. Go!
HalloHowArtThou doesn't even bother getting up from the bench, and uses that friggin' rocket launcher on Dr.Duck.
Dr.Duck: NO! I have failed you master!
Presenter: Who is your master?
Dr.Duck: Duck Vader!
Presenter: But that doesn't make sense, you see, in the films…
He is stopped mid-sentence by the screams of Dr.Duck.
Presenter: Well that was an obvious win for team Cube. 2-0! Let's get on with the next round, which happens to be…. Hunt and Kill! Coaches, who would you think has the best chance of surviving?
Microchips: Hmmmm… RM18, go for it!
RM18: Yeah, I can do this!
Twain: Cooky, you up for this one?
Cooky: Actually, I need a sh…
Twain: Nice to hear your enthusiasm! Go out there NOW!
Cooky: O.K, but if I soil my boxers, you are in for it…
Twain: *snigger* He said boxers!
Presenter: O.K guys, you have 5 minutes to go into the arena, find a weapon (expect the unexpected) and kill eachother! Well, preferably only one person dies, as we need a winner and all… Ready guys, GO!
They both run into the arena, and take cover behind some barrels. RM18 grabs hold of a roof tile, and Cooky realizes he is lying in elephant poo. He grabs some.
They both run out from behind their barrels, RM18 throws the tile at Cooky, causing his arm to fall off. Cooky gets annoyed and chucks the elephant poo into RM18's face. RM18 can't take this anymore. He picks up an Uzi and fires at Cooky's direction. Bullets fly past Cooky, but one hits him in the leg. He is under immense pain, when, out of nowhere, he grabs a grenade and throws it. It lands next to RM18. He picks it up, gives it a shake, and waits. It hasn't gone off! He is about to throw it back, when BOOM! RM18 blows up. An R lands over there, then the M, the 1 falls down a hole in the floor, and there is no sign of the 8.
Presenter: We have a winner! Cooky wins!
Cooky: Ow! My arm…
He dies from blood loss.
Presenter: Well, they both died, but RM18 dies first, so Cooky won! 2-1 to team cube. The next round is the beat 'em up!
Microchips: Hmmm… tphi, you have this one.
Tphi: Yeah, sure, I'll lose though.
Microchips: No you won't, just try your best.
Tphi: Unfortunately, my best is also my worst.
Microchips: Oh… Well, try your best, or you worst or, or *runs*
Twain: Look at that box of chips go! Anyways, Ashman, it's time.
Ashman: For….?
Twain: The Millenium! You Muppet! Does the word fight mean anything to you?
Ashman: Ah! Yes, the fight! Let's go!
Ashman and tphi both enter the arena, both exchange dirty looks, and both run for cover behind their coaches. After some bribing, and the promise of a chocolate biscuit after the match, they come back out and start to fight.
Tphi delivers a face full of fist into Ashman, but Ashman quickly retaliates with the largest kick to the kidney of tphi.
Presenter: Hah Microchips! You said 'kidney' He has two you know!
Microchips: Watch it bucko! I have the power to say, "Out of my spoof" *clicks fingers* but to evil people!
Presenter: That is such a blatant advert rip-off!
Microchips: Yeah, well…. Hey, you insulted me! Once more and you go!
During this time, tphi has been destroyed by a stray shot for HalloHowArtThou's rocket launcher. Ashman is victorious!
Ashman: Wooo! I won! That makes it 2-2! Wooo woo woo woo!
Presenter: Woo?! Anyway, time for another round, monkey rolling methinks. Coaches, choose your players!
Microchips: Hercules! Let's go! Roll them monkeys like you've never rolled monkeys before.
Hercules!: I haven't rolled monkeys before coach…
Microchips: Well, er…. erm, good luck then.
Twain: Hmmmm… Schroeder, time to go!
Schroeder: O.k then. This is funny! Me, Herc and the monkeys are all from SR!
Monkeys: Gah! Not you two again! First we get friggin' fake staff boy, then you!
Hercules!: Hey! Don't insult Schroeder! I might be afraid to ring her up, but I still protect her!
Schroeder: Hehe! I like monkeys! Monkeys are funny! Funny is monkeys!
Hercules!: Yeah, well, er…… *runs*
Presenter: They step up to the line. Hercules adjusts his fake staff badge, while Schroeder looks at the monkeys. They both concentrate on the task ahead. Hercules! to go first!
Hercules: Hmmm….. MoJoJoJo it is. Oy! Get over here!
MoJo: How come I always end up in these spoofs by this random guy? I didn't sign up.
Hercules!: Who cares!
Hercules rams his fingers into Mojo, and rolls him down the lane. It is a perfect strike.
Hercules!: Woo! I knew rolling MoJo would be a good idea. Yeah! Beat that!
Schroeder: O.K then, I will!
Schroeder rolls two monkeys down two lanes and gets two perfect strikes.
Yeah.
Presenter: Two strikes! Schroeder wins! 3-2 to team 64!
Twain: Har-Har Microchips! You are loosing! Only 2 more rounds and then your day has come.
Microchips: Well, yeah, meh.
Presenter: Oy! Bring me back my fish Buck-o! Oh…. We're back on. Er… yes, Hi, Welcome to this show, about some people, doing some stuff, and monkeys, and, er…. Let's get on with the next round! Football it is, so coaches, pick your players!
Microchips: Yes, well, erm…. BIGMAN! Go for it!
BIGMAN: My time hath cometh. Timeth to kicketh butteth.
Microchips: Go for it! And drop the dodgy accent.
BIGMAN: Sorry man, gotta jet. Ciao!
Microchips: Twain! You put something in his Lucozade!
Twain: Yeah, well, sue me!
Microchips: Gah! I'll get you! *Shakes fist*
Twain: Erm… You! Badger boy! Get here.
Badgerman: Bagger you! My name is badgerman! Fool! I'll tell myself how to play!
Badgerman walk onto the pitch, hidden gun in one hand, Danish pastry in the other.
BIGMAN stares at Badgerman. The wonder of drugs still pumping through his body. To him, the pitch is a vast array of bright colours. A vain twitches above his eye. He has his mind on only one thing. The football. He continues to stare at Badgerman, without blinking for about 5 minutes. His eyes get bloodshot. He cries.
Presenter: Righty-o then. Time to start the match. One goal, anything goes. You ready?
Badgerman: I just need to tie my laces….
Presenter: Go!
The ball is dropped. They both run at the ball, Badgerman gets there first, takes it past BIGMAN. BIGMAN suddenly pulls out a frisbee and hurls it at Badgerman. It makes him lose his concentration. BIGMAN takes the ball, and has a shot from half way! It flying, heading towards the goal! Surely this is a goal, and so early on too… but wait! Is that… yes, it is! It's a Danish Pastry! It's catching up with the ball, and knocks it off course! Badgerman retrieves the ball, and runs towards BIGMAN's goal. BIGMAN stands looking. He runs towards Badgerman's goal, picks up the Danish pastry, looks at Badgerman, and eats it. BOOM! His head is blown off, and Badgerman is clear for the goal. Badgerman trots up to the goal, stops at the edge of the area, tries his best to form a Mohican in his hair, and has a go at a David Beckham impression. He smacks the ball as hard as he can…. It hurtles through the air with unimaginable speed…. And it hits the crossbar! It is on a course for Badgerman's own goal!
Twain: Oh you Muppet! Get the ball, get the ball!
Badgerman runs as fast as he can, reaches the goal first, prepares himself for the catch, when suddenly BIGMAN's head falls from the sky, and knocks him over. The ball floats into the goal.
Badgerman: I knew I should have used my gun! Gah! Stupid exploding pastry! Bagger you!
Twain: For gawd's sakes! You could have just tapped it in, but no, you had to go all David Beckham. Gah! Some people!
Presenter: What a match! What a match! A win for the late BIGMAN makes it 3-3! This doesn't get any closer than this folks! The last round before the Coaches fight, and since all the other events have been played, Locate and Terminate is left! Fairly simple this. You are both put into two rooms, and there are a large amount of hidden weapons hiding. You have to find them and disable them before they kill you. Coaches, the last two players please. Quinty and Joe Dark, I believe. Come on guys, let's go!
They both enter their rooms, and survey the area.
Quinty: Right, a filing cabinet, a bookshelf, a suspended razor blade ready to swing at me, various loaded weapons, lasers, a kitten. Oh MY GOD! A kitten! I am going to die!
Joe Dark: Hmm… this looks easy. Everything is in one place. Hehe. Who puts an atomic bomb next to a clock, and who in their right mind connects them with wire? And why is the clock counting down? And why is there only 56 seconds left? Oh Sh…
Presenter: GO!
Quinty quickly cuts the rope holding the razor blade and gets out of the way, takes the batteries out of the lasers, chucks the TOMY guns out of the window and searches the filing cabinet. Nothing. He wanders over to the bookshelf. Also nothing. He looks at the kitten, and backs off into the corner, where he waits for his moment to kill it….
Meanwhile, Joe Dark has set to work on stopping the countdown clock. He has located the wires, and is toyed between cutting the red, the blue, the green or the wire that has "Please don't cut, it will neutralize the bomb" He ponders for a while, and cuts the yellow. BOOM! He is killed instantly.
Presenter: If only he had cut the green wire, he would have been safe.
Quinty, however, has been watching the kitten for over an hour, and it has fallen asleep. Now is his time. He walks up to the kitten, and just as he is about to grab it, it yawns. Quinty jumps back, trips over the batteries for the lasers and falls onto the razor blade that somehow is still spinning. He dies.
Presenter: well, it's quite obvious who won…. The kitten! Since the kitten is on neither team, it is a draw, which makes it 4-4. Time for the coaches to fight. Please come here.
Remainder of Team Cube: yeah, go Microchips! You wrote the spoof, so you have to win!
Microchips: Well, I was gonna let them win, but who knows anymore.
Remainder of team 64: We hate you Twain! You spoiled it for everyone! Go home and die!
Twain: Jeez, sorry dudes!
Team: Oh, all right then, ummm…. Go Twain!
Twain: hehe, manipulating is fun!
Presenter: Walk up to the table please. Sit down. You will see in front of you some pictures. They all have a meaning. You have t work out what they are, and tell me. Oh, what the heck, this is a pants final round! Microchips! Sort it out man!
Microchips: Fine, ummm, let's kill eachother in anyway we like!
Twain: hehe, yeah, let's go!
They both get up from the table. Twain does some yoga to release his inner potential, where Microchips ties a Japanese style bandana around his head.
Microchips: Haaaaai! Zai! Woooooooo! (Add some pants dubbing and it looks real ;D)
Twain: I am at one with myself, Ying and Yang is balanced, I am ready!
They run towards eachother. Microchips jumps in the air and does a ninja style flying kick. It hits Twain in the ribs, and is knocked on the floor!
Microchips: Haaaaai!
Twain: Hoooo-hum! Be at one with myself.
Twain gets up, and sends a psychic energy blast at Microchips. He is blown back and hits the wall. Microchips uses a Ken/Ryu style dragon punch and fires it at Twain. It pushes him to the floor. Twain gets up and disappears. He pops back next to Microchips and smacks him in the face. Microchips is nearly knocked out. They both energize for the final attack.
Microchips: Haiiiidouken!
Twain: Waaaaaaa!
Microchips jumps up into the air and smacks Twain in the face, meanwhile Twain hits Microchips in the groin. They both fall to the floor, unable to go on.
Presenter: Wow! We have a tie! You know what this means folks… another spoof! Yes, the sign up has already been taken, and anticipation is at an all time high, which will hopefully earn me more money, so come back soon, because it will be bigger, badder, and meaner! Goodnight!
THE END of part one!