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As you sit there on your clean leather sofas, clutching your small (or, in the XBOX's case, freakishly huge) controllers, playing your favourite games...I know what you're thinking. I can see what goes on in your minds, when you're shooting goons, jumping across platforms and saving princesses...you're wondering what all the gaming characters were like BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS!!! Well, I like to think of myself as a man of the people; the people's man...and so, I grabbed my detective hat, put on my detective shoes and turned my detective pants inside out so that I could wear them for another week...in order to find out just what the console stars did before they became idols!
CASE 1: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
First I went to Sega Headquarters, in order to see Sonic. My reasoning behind this was that after Sega went multi-console, Sonic's just been sitting around all day playing Super Monkey Ball instead of working on new titles, and he should have some time to talk with me. After a lot of digging (and many, many hours of sobbing from Sonic) I found out that our little blue friend went through utter torment at school, being bullied mercilessly for his blue hue. Of course, when Sonic was a boy, racism was rampant in his home country of South Africa, and nobody took any notice when the other children beat him up, and took his lunch money. Eventually, Sonic learnt that as a Hedgehog, he could simply curl up to protect himself...but he would get kicked around, like a football. Taking a different view on things, he learnt how to build up speed, and roll away from the bullies before they could catch up. This would help him in later life, especially on the faster-paced levels of the Sonic games...as would his hoop-catching techniques (honed whilst working as a seal in WaterWorld, as a summer job). When he got out of school, Sonic took solace in gaming, and attempted to get into the business originally as a programmer...however, his lack of properly-functioning fingers meant he was rejected by all the major companies...only to be offered a starring role in a series of games.
CASE 2: NEMESIS (of Resident Evil 3)
The most famous zombie of the most famous zombie game is also one of the most famous Belgians ever. Joining the illustrious ranks of Tintin, Hercule Poirot and Jean Claude Van Damme, Nemesis is another successful export from the country where people eat chips with mayonaisse...but what was he like BEFORE he hit the big time? At school, Nemesis (or Nemmy, as he prefers to be known) was a model student...but really excelled at PE. "Yes," he says proudly: "I won the 1500m race on Sports Day in 1978, and whilst there was scouted by the editor of Belgian Hunks magazine." Nemmy became the new face of Belgian Hunks, helping the subscription numbers quadruple within the space of thirty-four minutes. Having clocked up a shocking THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN cover photos with the publication, the evil undead monstrosity decided to look out for pastures anew. It wasn't long after he ended his contract with BH that Men-On-Men was in touch. The world's top selling gay health and fitness mag offered him £30,000,000 worth of human flesh...but Nemesis instead chose the route of video-gaming. "It was a hard decision... but if it happened again, I'd do the same." Nemmy still stands by his decision to choose Capcom's offer of starring in RE:3 over posing naked for MOM.
CASE 3: THE XBOX
Sure, the XBOX may not be a gaming superstar, but it is one of the top three consoles available...at the moment, anyway. And not including the GBA. Anyway, I popped round to the XBOX's cottage in Devon, to ask about it's humble beginnings. Apparently, the machine was famous as soon as it was born...getting into the Guiness Book of Records as the 'Most Freakishly Huge Piece Of Gaming Hardware Ever'. After some small jobs such as information videos for primary schools, and energy drink adverts, the XBOX was stranded. It had to be home schooled (as no education centres in America had large enough desks for it to sit at), and so had no real qualifications, apart from being huge, and a console. Luckily, Bill Gates spotted the XBOX whilst leafing through a recent version of the Guiness Book Of Records, and decided to meet with it. According to the XBOX, it was love at first sight, and Microsoft had their video-gaming machine.
CASE 4: RAYMAN
Perhaps the most extraordinary tale is that of Rayman. He was born with a rare disease, known as Got-no-limbs-but-still-has-hands-and-feet-itis (meaning he was born with no limbs, but still had hands and feet). Some called him a medical marvel...others a freak. In a way, they were both right, as Rayman was the subject of many a scientific thesis for French university students...and he worked in a circus side-show. Using his lack of arms and legs to his advantage, Rayman sat in a cage for seventeen hours a day, dancing for bananas at 11:00am and 4:00pm...but although this sounds like fun, the social outcast was left mentally scarred by the experience. "Oui, ze names zey called me wer tres 'orrible. Zey teazed me, wiv zeir armz and legz..." Soon, Rayman was refusing to dance at the alloted times and was fired by the sideshow. He decided to try and get into the prospering computer-games business, auditioning for a part in Killer Instinct; but without any muscles to speak of, the Frenchman was well and truly thrashed in the try-out scraps. However, a representative of Ubisoft was also looking out for new talent, and spotted the young hopeful. "He walked oveer, and azked if I cood jump. I sed yez...and I all of a sudden I waz star of some platforming gamez...oh, and a rubbish running Micro-Macheenz one."
Well, there you have it. The most shocking piece of superstar exposure since Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson bought a camcorder....what the stars were like before they actually became stars. They didn't always have it easy, y'know: four characters (well, three really...), each having overcome severe adversity (except for Nemesis...) to get to where they are today. I salute you sirs, and wish you well in future gaming adventures!
------ ------ ------ ------ ------
I hope this hasn't been done too much before, and isn't too soon after RM18's thing, and doesn't suck horribly. Thanks for reading.
-swander87
CASE 1: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
First I went to Sega Headquarters, in order to see Sonic. My reasoning behind this was that after Sega went multi-console, Sonic's just been sitting around all day playing Super Monkey Ball instead of working on new titles, and he should have some time to talk with me. After a lot of digging (and many, many hours of sobbing from Sonic) I found out that our little blue friend went through utter torment at school, being bullied mercilessly for his blue hue. Of course, when Sonic was a boy, racism was rampant in his home country of South Africa, and nobody took any notice when the other children beat him up, and took his lunch money. Eventually, Sonic learnt that as a Hedgehog, he could simply curl up to protect himself...but he would get kicked around, like a football. Taking a different view on things, he learnt how to build up speed, and roll away from the bullies before they could catch up. This would help him in later life, especially on the faster-paced levels of the Sonic games...as would his hoop-catching techniques (honed whilst working as a seal in WaterWorld, as a summer job). When he got out of school, Sonic took solace in gaming, and attempted to get into the business originally as a programmer...however, his lack of properly-functioning fingers meant he was rejected by all the major companies...only to be offered a starring role in a series of games.
CASE 2: NEMESIS (of Resident Evil 3)
The most famous zombie of the most famous zombie game is also one of the most famous Belgians ever. Joining the illustrious ranks of Tintin, Hercule Poirot and Jean Claude Van Damme, Nemesis is another successful export from the country where people eat chips with mayonaisse...but what was he like BEFORE he hit the big time? At school, Nemesis (or Nemmy, as he prefers to be known) was a model student...but really excelled at PE. "Yes," he says proudly: "I won the 1500m race on Sports Day in 1978, and whilst there was scouted by the editor of Belgian Hunks magazine." Nemmy became the new face of Belgian Hunks, helping the subscription numbers quadruple within the space of thirty-four minutes. Having clocked up a shocking THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN cover photos with the publication, the evil undead monstrosity decided to look out for pastures anew. It wasn't long after he ended his contract with BH that Men-On-Men was in touch. The world's top selling gay health and fitness mag offered him £30,000,000 worth of human flesh...but Nemesis instead chose the route of video-gaming. "It was a hard decision... but if it happened again, I'd do the same." Nemmy still stands by his decision to choose Capcom's offer of starring in RE:3 over posing naked for MOM.
CASE 3: THE XBOX
Sure, the XBOX may not be a gaming superstar, but it is one of the top three consoles available...at the moment, anyway. And not including the GBA. Anyway, I popped round to the XBOX's cottage in Devon, to ask about it's humble beginnings. Apparently, the machine was famous as soon as it was born...getting into the Guiness Book of Records as the 'Most Freakishly Huge Piece Of Gaming Hardware Ever'. After some small jobs such as information videos for primary schools, and energy drink adverts, the XBOX was stranded. It had to be home schooled (as no education centres in America had large enough desks for it to sit at), and so had no real qualifications, apart from being huge, and a console. Luckily, Bill Gates spotted the XBOX whilst leafing through a recent version of the Guiness Book Of Records, and decided to meet with it. According to the XBOX, it was love at first sight, and Microsoft had their video-gaming machine.
CASE 4: RAYMAN
Perhaps the most extraordinary tale is that of Rayman. He was born with a rare disease, known as Got-no-limbs-but-still-has-hands-and-feet-itis (meaning he was born with no limbs, but still had hands and feet). Some called him a medical marvel...others a freak. In a way, they were both right, as Rayman was the subject of many a scientific thesis for French university students...and he worked in a circus side-show. Using his lack of arms and legs to his advantage, Rayman sat in a cage for seventeen hours a day, dancing for bananas at 11:00am and 4:00pm...but although this sounds like fun, the social outcast was left mentally scarred by the experience. "Oui, ze names zey called me wer tres 'orrible. Zey teazed me, wiv zeir armz and legz..." Soon, Rayman was refusing to dance at the alloted times and was fired by the sideshow. He decided to try and get into the prospering computer-games business, auditioning for a part in Killer Instinct; but without any muscles to speak of, the Frenchman was well and truly thrashed in the try-out scraps. However, a representative of Ubisoft was also looking out for new talent, and spotted the young hopeful. "He walked oveer, and azked if I cood jump. I sed yez...and I all of a sudden I waz star of some platforming gamez...oh, and a rubbish running Micro-Macheenz one."
Well, there you have it. The most shocking piece of superstar exposure since Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson bought a camcorder....what the stars were like before they actually became stars. They didn't always have it easy, y'know: four characters (well, three really...), each having overcome severe adversity (except for Nemesis...) to get to where they are today. I salute you sirs, and wish you well in future gaming adventures!
------ ------ ------ ------ ------
I hope this hasn't been done too much before, and isn't too soon after RM18's thing, and doesn't suck horribly. Thanks for reading.
-swander87
Hey...you, reading this...
REPLY! GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS!
REPLY! GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS!
Take two:
POP!
POP!
POP
RM18 wrote:
> See you found your good idea for a topic then...
>
> :D
Yes. And it has nothing to do with all the former SR posters bound and gagged in my wardrobe, either...
*cackles*
> See you found your good idea for a topic then...
>
> :D
Yes. And it has nothing to do with all the former SR posters bound and gagged in my wardrobe, either...
*cackles*
See you found your good idea for a topic then...
:D
:D
As you sit there on your clean leather sofas, clutching your small (or, in the XBOX's case, freakishly huge) controllers, playing your favourite games...I know what you're thinking. I can see what goes on in your minds, when you're shooting goons, jumping across platforms and saving princesses...you're wondering what all the gaming characters were like BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS!!! Well, I like to think of myself as a man of the people; the people's man...and so, I grabbed my detective hat, put on my detective shoes and turned my detective pants inside out so that I could wear them for another week...in order to find out just what the console stars did before they became idols!
CASE 1: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
First I went to Sega Headquarters, in order to see Sonic. My reasoning behind this was that after Sega went multi-console, Sonic's just been sitting around all day playing Super Monkey Ball instead of working on new titles, and he should have some time to talk with me. After a lot of digging (and many, many hours of sobbing from Sonic) I found out that our little blue friend went through utter torment at school, being bullied mercilessly for his blue hue. Of course, when Sonic was a boy, racism was rampant in his home country of South Africa, and nobody took any notice when the other children beat him up, and took his lunch money. Eventually, Sonic learnt that as a Hedgehog, he could simply curl up to protect himself...but he would get kicked around, like a football. Taking a different view on things, he learnt how to build up speed, and roll away from the bullies before they could catch up. This would help him in later life, especially on the faster-paced levels of the Sonic games...as would his hoop-catching techniques (honed whilst working as a seal in WaterWorld, as a summer job). When he got out of school, Sonic took solace in gaming, and attempted to get into the business originally as a programmer...however, his lack of properly-functioning fingers meant he was rejected by all the major companies...only to be offered a starring role in a series of games.
CASE 2: NEMESIS (of Resident Evil 3)
The most famous zombie of the most famous zombie game is also one of the most famous Belgians ever. Joining the illustrious ranks of Tintin, Hercule Poirot and Jean Claude Van Damme, Nemesis is another successful export from the country where people eat chips with mayonaisse...but what was he like BEFORE he hit the big time? At school, Nemesis (or Nemmy, as he prefers to be known) was a model student...but really excelled at PE. "Yes," he says proudly: "I won the 1500m race on Sports Day in 1978, and whilst there was scouted by the editor of Belgian Hunks magazine." Nemmy became the new face of Belgian Hunks, helping the subscription numbers quadruple within the space of thirty-four minutes. Having clocked up a shocking THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN cover photos with the publication, the evil undead monstrosity decided to look out for pastures anew. It wasn't long after he ended his contract with BH that Men-On-Men was in touch. The world's top selling gay health and fitness mag offered him £30,000,000 worth of human flesh...but Nemesis instead chose the route of video-gaming. "It was a hard decision... but if it happened again, I'd do the same." Nemmy still stands by his decision to choose Capcom's offer of starring in RE:3 over posing naked for MOM.
CASE 3: THE XBOX
Sure, the XBOX may not be a gaming superstar, but it is one of the top three consoles available...at the moment, anyway. And not including the GBA. Anyway, I popped round to the XBOX's cottage in Devon, to ask about it's humble beginnings. Apparently, the machine was famous as soon as it was born...getting into the Guiness Book of Records as the 'Most Freakishly Huge Piece Of Gaming Hardware Ever'. After some small jobs such as information videos for primary schools, and energy drink adverts, the XBOX was stranded. It had to be home schooled (as no education centres in America had large enough desks for it to sit at), and so had no real qualifications, apart from being huge, and a console. Luckily, Bill Gates spotted the XBOX whilst leafing through a recent version of the Guiness Book Of Records, and decided to meet with it. According to the XBOX, it was love at first sight, and Microsoft had their video-gaming machine.
CASE 4: RAYMAN
Perhaps the most extraordinary tale is that of Rayman. He was born with a rare disease, known as Got-no-limbs-but-still-has-hands-and-feet-itis (meaning he was born with no limbs, but still had hands and feet). Some called him a medical marvel...others a freak. In a way, they were both right, as Rayman was the subject of many a scientific thesis for French university students...and he worked in a circus side-show. Using his lack of arms and legs to his advantage, Rayman sat in a cage for seventeen hours a day, dancing for bananas at 11:00am and 4:00pm...but although this sounds like fun, the social outcast was left mentally scarred by the experience. "Oui, ze names zey called me wer tres 'orrible. Zey teazed me, wiv zeir armz and legz..." Soon, Rayman was refusing to dance at the alloted times and was fired by the sideshow. He decided to try and get into the prospering computer-games business, auditioning for a part in Killer Instinct; but without any muscles to speak of, the Frenchman was well and truly thrashed in the try-out scraps. However, a representative of Ubisoft was also looking out for new talent, and spotted the young hopeful. "He walked oveer, and azked if I cood jump. I sed yez...and I all of a sudden I waz star of some platforming gamez...oh, and a rubbish running Micro-Macheenz one."
Well, there you have it. The most shocking piece of superstar exposure since Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson bought a camcorder....what the stars were like before they actually became stars. They didn't always have it easy, y'know: four characters (well, three really...), each having overcome severe adversity (except for Nemesis...) to get to where they are today. I salute you sirs, and wish you well in future gaming adventures!
------ ------ ------ ------ ------
I hope this hasn't been done too much before, and isn't too soon after RM18's thing, and doesn't suck horribly. Thanks for reading.
-swander87
CASE 1: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
First I went to Sega Headquarters, in order to see Sonic. My reasoning behind this was that after Sega went multi-console, Sonic's just been sitting around all day playing Super Monkey Ball instead of working on new titles, and he should have some time to talk with me. After a lot of digging (and many, many hours of sobbing from Sonic) I found out that our little blue friend went through utter torment at school, being bullied mercilessly for his blue hue. Of course, when Sonic was a boy, racism was rampant in his home country of South Africa, and nobody took any notice when the other children beat him up, and took his lunch money. Eventually, Sonic learnt that as a Hedgehog, he could simply curl up to protect himself...but he would get kicked around, like a football. Taking a different view on things, he learnt how to build up speed, and roll away from the bullies before they could catch up. This would help him in later life, especially on the faster-paced levels of the Sonic games...as would his hoop-catching techniques (honed whilst working as a seal in WaterWorld, as a summer job). When he got out of school, Sonic took solace in gaming, and attempted to get into the business originally as a programmer...however, his lack of properly-functioning fingers meant he was rejected by all the major companies...only to be offered a starring role in a series of games.
CASE 2: NEMESIS (of Resident Evil 3)
The most famous zombie of the most famous zombie game is also one of the most famous Belgians ever. Joining the illustrious ranks of Tintin, Hercule Poirot and Jean Claude Van Damme, Nemesis is another successful export from the country where people eat chips with mayonaisse...but what was he like BEFORE he hit the big time? At school, Nemesis (or Nemmy, as he prefers to be known) was a model student...but really excelled at PE. "Yes," he says proudly: "I won the 1500m race on Sports Day in 1978, and whilst there was scouted by the editor of Belgian Hunks magazine." Nemmy became the new face of Belgian Hunks, helping the subscription numbers quadruple within the space of thirty-four minutes. Having clocked up a shocking THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN cover photos with the publication, the evil undead monstrosity decided to look out for pastures anew. It wasn't long after he ended his contract with BH that Men-On-Men was in touch. The world's top selling gay health and fitness mag offered him £30,000,000 worth of human flesh...but Nemesis instead chose the route of video-gaming. "It was a hard decision... but if it happened again, I'd do the same." Nemmy still stands by his decision to choose Capcom's offer of starring in RE:3 over posing naked for MOM.
CASE 3: THE XBOX
Sure, the XBOX may not be a gaming superstar, but it is one of the top three consoles available...at the moment, anyway. And not including the GBA. Anyway, I popped round to the XBOX's cottage in Devon, to ask about it's humble beginnings. Apparently, the machine was famous as soon as it was born...getting into the Guiness Book of Records as the 'Most Freakishly Huge Piece Of Gaming Hardware Ever'. After some small jobs such as information videos for primary schools, and energy drink adverts, the XBOX was stranded. It had to be home schooled (as no education centres in America had large enough desks for it to sit at), and so had no real qualifications, apart from being huge, and a console. Luckily, Bill Gates spotted the XBOX whilst leafing through a recent version of the Guiness Book Of Records, and decided to meet with it. According to the XBOX, it was love at first sight, and Microsoft had their video-gaming machine.
CASE 4: RAYMAN
Perhaps the most extraordinary tale is that of Rayman. He was born with a rare disease, known as Got-no-limbs-but-still-has-hands-and-feet-itis (meaning he was born with no limbs, but still had hands and feet). Some called him a medical marvel...others a freak. In a way, they were both right, as Rayman was the subject of many a scientific thesis for French university students...and he worked in a circus side-show. Using his lack of arms and legs to his advantage, Rayman sat in a cage for seventeen hours a day, dancing for bananas at 11:00am and 4:00pm...but although this sounds like fun, the social outcast was left mentally scarred by the experience. "Oui, ze names zey called me wer tres 'orrible. Zey teazed me, wiv zeir armz and legz..." Soon, Rayman was refusing to dance at the alloted times and was fired by the sideshow. He decided to try and get into the prospering computer-games business, auditioning for a part in Killer Instinct; but without any muscles to speak of, the Frenchman was well and truly thrashed in the try-out scraps. However, a representative of Ubisoft was also looking out for new talent, and spotted the young hopeful. "He walked oveer, and azked if I cood jump. I sed yez...and I all of a sudden I waz star of some platforming gamez...oh, and a rubbish running Micro-Macheenz one."
Well, there you have it. The most shocking piece of superstar exposure since Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson bought a camcorder....what the stars were like before they actually became stars. They didn't always have it easy, y'know: four characters (well, three really...), each having overcome severe adversity (except for Nemesis...) to get to where they are today. I salute you sirs, and wish you well in future gaming adventures!
------ ------ ------ ------ ------
I hope this hasn't been done too much before, and isn't too soon after RM18's thing, and doesn't suck horribly. Thanks for reading.
-swander87