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We just assume that game characters are…game characters. They don’t have a life, they don’t have a history, they just exist in the gaming boundaries that we know and love. Now, before I go any further, let me remind you that this isn’t factual, it is made up – just in case some ignoramus skims reads this and thinks that I am slipping into mental derangement. Talking of ignoramus’, take a look at some of the life stories of some of our most loved stars – they do have lives away from games, for example only this week I saw Sonic filming a ‘Cross the Road Safely’ advert - but beware, you might not like what you read…
STAR FILE #1: SOLID SNAKE
You may know ‘Solid Snake’ as the mullet haired superspy from international bestseller ‘Metal Gear Solid’. But once the world has been saved and nuclear war averted, mild-mannered David Hayter likes nothing more than to settle down with a nice cup of camomile tea, put on his reading glasses and get stuck into a good book, with the delights of Radio 4 playing in the background. Unlike his rock hard, grizzled on screen persona, Mr. Hayter loves a spot of gardening and writing poetry, in between assisting the local community centres with various functions. Despite his gravely voice, Mr. Hayter also gives elocution lessons. On screen enemy Revolver Ocelot, (real life name Geoffrey Whitebeard) is an off-screen friend, and the two are often seen reading books to unprivileged children and at local hospitals, usually after a tense showdown.
STAR FILE #2: WILLIAM GATES
Okay, okay, I know that everyone’s favourite geek isn’t a gaming star, but lets face it, he’s making a pretty big impact on this industry. The reason he’s included is because the epitome of geekiness is…anything but. Bill Gates (Billy G to his mates) is anything but the quintessential nerd that he makes himself to be; in fact, he mingles with the Hollywood glitterati who literally fall over themselves to get snapped next to him by the hordes of waiting paparazzi. Not to mention his unscheduled appearances at the Milan and Paris fashion shows, where he is usually sporting the finest in woollen jumpers and knitted socks, sending the models into a frenzy. After spurning various modelling, music and lucrative film contracts, Gatesy has disappointed his hordes of female fans by dedicating his life to his latest beau, the Xbox. Sorry ladies, I’ll guess you’ll just have to wait for the 2003 calendar.
STAR FILES #3: THE RAT (ATTA) PACK
Modelling themselves on the famous Hollywood stars of film and music from an era gone by, the Rat (atta) Pack consists of five Pokemon, who after phenomenal sales of games and merchandise have developed massive egos. After the Pokemon franchise has done so well, away from battling and being squeezed into Pokeballs, the five – Pikachu, Rattata (obviously), Mew, Ash (technically not a Pokemon but is something of a hanger on) and Squirtle, who since leaving the game puts on his eighties shades as worn in the program to give the group some much needed credibility in the fashion stakes. Notorious for causing trouble, the five have been banned from most places – but not because of the trouble they’ve caused, but because no-one gives a proverbial about Pokemon, relegating them to Z-list celebrity status, attending only film premieres with the likes of Bubble from Big Brother 2.
STAR FILE #4: MARIO
Contrary to popular reports, Mario, known popularly to his legions of fans as ‘Mario’ the star of Nintendo’s ‘Super Mario’ franchise, isn’t a happy-go-lucky, dungaree wearing, princess saving plumber. Behind the scenes he has had to come to terms with hardship of the worst kind – leading to a variety of changes in his life. After a long fought legal battle with lawyers, Mario was evicted from his place of permanent residence, the Mushroom Kingdom, after a series of late night raves. Rumours that Bowser made the anonymous tip-off to police are unfounded.
But that was just one in a long line of offences stretching back to his wild days of the NES. Drugs were a problem – especially magic mushrooms – you name it, he’s done it and has also made the trip to the Priory. Recently, his long-suffering boss, Mr. Miyamoto (who has been desperately trying to reform him, but to no avail) had promised a more ‘mature’ attitude, but Mario has disappointed again. Despite circulated storylines claiming Mario is cleaning up the beach town in Mario Sunshine due to his good nature, he is in fact cleaning up his OWN mess, made after lapsing when he discovered Luigi was getting a role in the launch game, a position previously held by the aforementioned Mario. What is for sure though, is that unless Mario changes his attitude, that won’t be the only change…
So there you have it! A quite shocking expose of what doesn’t happen away from the developers office…
Thanks for reading
Russ
STAR FILE #1: SOLID SNAKE
You may know ‘Solid Snake’ as the mullet haired superspy from international bestseller ‘Metal Gear Solid’. But once the world has been saved and nuclear war averted, mild-mannered David Hayter likes nothing more than to settle down with a nice cup of camomile tea, put on his reading glasses and get stuck into a good book, with the delights of Radio 4 playing in the background. Unlike his rock hard, grizzled on screen persona, Mr. Hayter loves a spot of gardening and writing poetry, in between assisting the local community centres with various functions. Despite his gravely voice, Mr. Hayter also gives elocution lessons. On screen enemy Revolver Ocelot, (real life name Geoffrey Whitebeard) is an off-screen friend, and the two are often seen reading books to unprivileged children and at local hospitals, usually after a tense showdown.
STAR FILE #2: WILLIAM GATES
Okay, okay, I know that everyone’s favourite geek isn’t a gaming star, but lets face it, he’s making a pretty big impact on this industry. The reason he’s included is because the epitome of geekiness is…anything but. Bill Gates (Billy G to his mates) is anything but the quintessential nerd that he makes himself to be; in fact, he mingles with the Hollywood glitterati who literally fall over themselves to get snapped next to him by the hordes of waiting paparazzi. Not to mention his unscheduled appearances at the Milan and Paris fashion shows, where he is usually sporting the finest in woollen jumpers and knitted socks, sending the models into a frenzy. After spurning various modelling, music and lucrative film contracts, Gatesy has disappointed his hordes of female fans by dedicating his life to his latest beau, the Xbox. Sorry ladies, I’ll guess you’ll just have to wait for the 2003 calendar.
STAR FILES #3: THE RAT (ATTA) PACK
Modelling themselves on the famous Hollywood stars of film and music from an era gone by, the Rat (atta) Pack consists of five Pokemon, who after phenomenal sales of games and merchandise have developed massive egos. After the Pokemon franchise has done so well, away from battling and being squeezed into Pokeballs, the five – Pikachu, Rattata (obviously), Mew, Ash (technically not a Pokemon but is something of a hanger on) and Squirtle, who since leaving the game puts on his eighties shades as worn in the program to give the group some much needed credibility in the fashion stakes. Notorious for causing trouble, the five have been banned from most places – but not because of the trouble they’ve caused, but because no-one gives a proverbial about Pokemon, relegating them to Z-list celebrity status, attending only film premieres with the likes of Bubble from Big Brother 2.
STAR FILE #4: MARIO
Contrary to popular reports, Mario, known popularly to his legions of fans as ‘Mario’ the star of Nintendo’s ‘Super Mario’ franchise, isn’t a happy-go-lucky, dungaree wearing, princess saving plumber. Behind the scenes he has had to come to terms with hardship of the worst kind – leading to a variety of changes in his life. After a long fought legal battle with lawyers, Mario was evicted from his place of permanent residence, the Mushroom Kingdom, after a series of late night raves. Rumours that Bowser made the anonymous tip-off to police are unfounded.
But that was just one in a long line of offences stretching back to his wild days of the NES. Drugs were a problem – especially magic mushrooms – you name it, he’s done it and has also made the trip to the Priory. Recently, his long-suffering boss, Mr. Miyamoto (who has been desperately trying to reform him, but to no avail) had promised a more ‘mature’ attitude, but Mario has disappointed again. Despite circulated storylines claiming Mario is cleaning up the beach town in Mario Sunshine due to his good nature, he is in fact cleaning up his OWN mess, made after lapsing when he discovered Luigi was getting a role in the launch game, a position previously held by the aforementioned Mario. What is for sure though, is that unless Mario changes his attitude, that won’t be the only change…
So there you have it! A quite shocking expose of what doesn’t happen away from the developers office…
Thanks for reading
Russ
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We just assume that game characters are…game characters. They don’t have a life, they don’t have a history, they just exist in the gaming boundaries that we know and love. Now, before I go any further, let me remind you that this isn’t factual, it is made up – just in case some ignoramus skims reads this and thinks that I am slipping into mental derangement. Talking of ignoramus’, take a look at some of the life stories of some of our most loved stars – they do have lives away from games, for example only this week I saw Sonic filming a ‘Cross the Road Safely’ advert - but beware, you might not like what you read…
STAR FILE #1: SOLID SNAKE
You may know ‘Solid Snake’ as the mullet haired superspy from international bestseller ‘Metal Gear Solid’. But once the world has been saved and nuclear war averted, mild-mannered David Hayter likes nothing more than to settle down with a nice cup of camomile tea, put on his reading glasses and get stuck into a good book, with the delights of Radio 4 playing in the background. Unlike his rock hard, grizzled on screen persona, Mr. Hayter loves a spot of gardening and writing poetry, in between assisting the local community centres with various functions. Despite his gravely voice, Mr. Hayter also gives elocution lessons. On screen enemy Revolver Ocelot, (real life name Geoffrey Whitebeard) is an off-screen friend, and the two are often seen reading books to unprivileged children and at local hospitals, usually after a tense showdown.
STAR FILE #2: WILLIAM GATES
Okay, okay, I know that everyone’s favourite geek isn’t a gaming star, but lets face it, he’s making a pretty big impact on this industry. The reason he’s included is because the epitome of geekiness is…anything but. Bill Gates (Billy G to his mates) is anything but the quintessential nerd that he makes himself to be; in fact, he mingles with the Hollywood glitterati who literally fall over themselves to get snapped next to him by the hordes of waiting paparazzi. Not to mention his unscheduled appearances at the Milan and Paris fashion shows, where he is usually sporting the finest in woollen jumpers and knitted socks, sending the models into a frenzy. After spurning various modelling, music and lucrative film contracts, Gatesy has disappointed his hordes of female fans by dedicating his life to his latest beau, the Xbox. Sorry ladies, I’ll guess you’ll just have to wait for the 2003 calendar.
STAR FILES #3: THE RAT (ATTA) PACK
Modelling themselves on the famous Hollywood stars of film and music from an era gone by, the Rat (atta) Pack consists of five Pokemon, who after phenomenal sales of games and merchandise have developed massive egos. After the Pokemon franchise has done so well, away from battling and being squeezed into Pokeballs, the five – Pikachu, Rattata (obviously), Mew, Ash (technically not a Pokemon but is something of a hanger on) and Squirtle, who since leaving the game puts on his eighties shades as worn in the program to give the group some much needed credibility in the fashion stakes. Notorious for causing trouble, the five have been banned from most places – but not because of the trouble they’ve caused, but because no-one gives a proverbial about Pokemon, relegating them to Z-list celebrity status, attending only film premieres with the likes of Bubble from Big Brother 2.
STAR FILE #4: MARIO
Contrary to popular reports, Mario, known popularly to his legions of fans as ‘Mario’ the star of Nintendo’s ‘Super Mario’ franchise, isn’t a happy-go-lucky, dungaree wearing, princess saving plumber. Behind the scenes he has had to come to terms with hardship of the worst kind – leading to a variety of changes in his life. After a long fought legal battle with lawyers, Mario was evicted from his place of permanent residence, the Mushroom Kingdom, after a series of late night raves. Rumours that Bowser made the anonymous tip-off to police are unfounded.
But that was just one in a long line of offences stretching back to his wild days of the NES. Drugs were a problem – especially magic mushrooms – you name it, he’s done it and has also made the trip to the Priory. Recently, his long-suffering boss, Mr. Miyamoto (who has been desperately trying to reform him, but to no avail) had promised a more ‘mature’ attitude, but Mario has disappointed again. Despite circulated storylines claiming Mario is cleaning up the beach town in Mario Sunshine due to his good nature, he is in fact cleaning up his OWN mess, made after lapsing when he discovered Luigi was getting a role in the launch game, a position previously held by the aforementioned Mario. What is for sure though, is that unless Mario changes his attitude, that won’t be the only change…
So there you have it! A quite shocking expose of what doesn’t happen away from the developers office…
Thanks for reading
Russ
STAR FILE #1: SOLID SNAKE
You may know ‘Solid Snake’ as the mullet haired superspy from international bestseller ‘Metal Gear Solid’. But once the world has been saved and nuclear war averted, mild-mannered David Hayter likes nothing more than to settle down with a nice cup of camomile tea, put on his reading glasses and get stuck into a good book, with the delights of Radio 4 playing in the background. Unlike his rock hard, grizzled on screen persona, Mr. Hayter loves a spot of gardening and writing poetry, in between assisting the local community centres with various functions. Despite his gravely voice, Mr. Hayter also gives elocution lessons. On screen enemy Revolver Ocelot, (real life name Geoffrey Whitebeard) is an off-screen friend, and the two are often seen reading books to unprivileged children and at local hospitals, usually after a tense showdown.
STAR FILE #2: WILLIAM GATES
Okay, okay, I know that everyone’s favourite geek isn’t a gaming star, but lets face it, he’s making a pretty big impact on this industry. The reason he’s included is because the epitome of geekiness is…anything but. Bill Gates (Billy G to his mates) is anything but the quintessential nerd that he makes himself to be; in fact, he mingles with the Hollywood glitterati who literally fall over themselves to get snapped next to him by the hordes of waiting paparazzi. Not to mention his unscheduled appearances at the Milan and Paris fashion shows, where he is usually sporting the finest in woollen jumpers and knitted socks, sending the models into a frenzy. After spurning various modelling, music and lucrative film contracts, Gatesy has disappointed his hordes of female fans by dedicating his life to his latest beau, the Xbox. Sorry ladies, I’ll guess you’ll just have to wait for the 2003 calendar.
STAR FILES #3: THE RAT (ATTA) PACK
Modelling themselves on the famous Hollywood stars of film and music from an era gone by, the Rat (atta) Pack consists of five Pokemon, who after phenomenal sales of games and merchandise have developed massive egos. After the Pokemon franchise has done so well, away from battling and being squeezed into Pokeballs, the five – Pikachu, Rattata (obviously), Mew, Ash (technically not a Pokemon but is something of a hanger on) and Squirtle, who since leaving the game puts on his eighties shades as worn in the program to give the group some much needed credibility in the fashion stakes. Notorious for causing trouble, the five have been banned from most places – but not because of the trouble they’ve caused, but because no-one gives a proverbial about Pokemon, relegating them to Z-list celebrity status, attending only film premieres with the likes of Bubble from Big Brother 2.
STAR FILE #4: MARIO
Contrary to popular reports, Mario, known popularly to his legions of fans as ‘Mario’ the star of Nintendo’s ‘Super Mario’ franchise, isn’t a happy-go-lucky, dungaree wearing, princess saving plumber. Behind the scenes he has had to come to terms with hardship of the worst kind – leading to a variety of changes in his life. After a long fought legal battle with lawyers, Mario was evicted from his place of permanent residence, the Mushroom Kingdom, after a series of late night raves. Rumours that Bowser made the anonymous tip-off to police are unfounded.
But that was just one in a long line of offences stretching back to his wild days of the NES. Drugs were a problem – especially magic mushrooms – you name it, he’s done it and has also made the trip to the Priory. Recently, his long-suffering boss, Mr. Miyamoto (who has been desperately trying to reform him, but to no avail) had promised a more ‘mature’ attitude, but Mario has disappointed again. Despite circulated storylines claiming Mario is cleaning up the beach town in Mario Sunshine due to his good nature, he is in fact cleaning up his OWN mess, made after lapsing when he discovered Luigi was getting a role in the launch game, a position previously held by the aforementioned Mario. What is for sure though, is that unless Mario changes his attitude, that won’t be the only change…
So there you have it! A quite shocking expose of what doesn’t happen away from the developers office…
Thanks for reading
Russ
William Gates. Hoho.
Also, excellent post there!
:D
Also, excellent post there!
:D
Great idea Russell!
LOL! Very Good Russ! Hope it bags GAD for you!
:D
:D
Great post Russ, i enjoyed reading all of it, maybe you could do the same for some more people.
When Russ gets an idea for a long post like that, it is almost always a good read.
Nice one, especially the Billy G to his mates bit.
Hoho great stuff
Hoho great stuff
Thanks guys - I think I'm gonna cry...
:D
:D
Great post.
GAD worthy.
GAD worthy.
Great post Russ hope it gets you GAD no.12 :)
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