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They all try to deceive us but I know the truth. Here are the real meanings behind film classification;
U: Ungood. Any film that is ungood isn't good, don't watch it. It's been made for kids, so what do you expect. Care Bears the movie anyone? Notable exception, Star Wars.
PG: Pretty Good. Now things are getting better. Still aimed at kids and unlikely to contain enough profanities to entertain the older viewer. Occassionaly a film aims to be Pretty Gross. Take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, remember those scenes? I know, some of those actors were very ugly. And what about the Goonies? That grotesque creature when he performed that wobbly belly thing, hideous!
12: 12/10 is a good score if you use the footballer managers scale (the lads gave 110%). Any film with this mark wants to be a 15 but falls short due to the fact anyone who dies in the movie is likely to be an Orc, Robot or Comic book character. Or a ruddy great dinosaur. Everyone else will get shot in the leg or slightly injured. Oh me ankle!
15: You do the math. Hopefully any film this good will contain plenty of scenes where people have their legs hewn from under them, plenty of mild nudity and some bad words.
18: The ultimate score and the highest reccomendation any film can have apart from the R rating (R stands for Rude film I think). The dialouge in the movie will only contain swearwords and insults. People's legs will be hewn off from under them and then eaten by the protagonist of the movie. The level of nudity will rival any naturalist holiday.
One trick that the classification board miss is the chance to really sell the product to the consumer. Being informed that "the following film may contain strong language, violence and scenes of a sexual nature" is rubbish, tell me that "the following film WILL contain strong language, violence oh will there be violence, and make sure you're ready with the slow-mo in scene 15", I'll be grabbing it off the shelf faster than a Big Brother contestant becomes a no-body.
I think that recently they are employing conter-measures to make things harder. Now we have PG-12's and 18-U's (someone over 18 must be present in case there is a scary shape in the popcorn), I just can't keep up.
As for Director's cuts....
U: Ungood. Any film that is ungood isn't good, don't watch it. It's been made for kids, so what do you expect. Care Bears the movie anyone? Notable exception, Star Wars.
PG: Pretty Good. Now things are getting better. Still aimed at kids and unlikely to contain enough profanities to entertain the older viewer. Occassionaly a film aims to be Pretty Gross. Take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, remember those scenes? I know, some of those actors were very ugly. And what about the Goonies? That grotesque creature when he performed that wobbly belly thing, hideous!
12: 12/10 is a good score if you use the footballer managers scale (the lads gave 110%). Any film with this mark wants to be a 15 but falls short due to the fact anyone who dies in the movie is likely to be an Orc, Robot or Comic book character. Or a ruddy great dinosaur. Everyone else will get shot in the leg or slightly injured. Oh me ankle!
15: You do the math. Hopefully any film this good will contain plenty of scenes where people have their legs hewn from under them, plenty of mild nudity and some bad words.
18: The ultimate score and the highest reccomendation any film can have apart from the R rating (R stands for Rude film I think). The dialouge in the movie will only contain swearwords and insults. People's legs will be hewn off from under them and then eaten by the protagonist of the movie. The level of nudity will rival any naturalist holiday.
One trick that the classification board miss is the chance to really sell the product to the consumer. Being informed that "the following film may contain strong language, violence and scenes of a sexual nature" is rubbish, tell me that "the following film WILL contain strong language, violence oh will there be violence, and make sure you're ready with the slow-mo in scene 15", I'll be grabbing it off the shelf faster than a Big Brother contestant becomes a no-body.
I think that recently they are employing conter-measures to make things harder. Now we have PG-12's and 18-U's (someone over 18 must be present in case there is a scary shape in the popcorn), I just can't keep up.
As for Director's cuts....
I wouldn't know anything about that! I don't even know where Soho is...
R-18 videos can only be sold in licensed porno shops.
They all try to deceive us but I know the truth. Here are the real meanings behind film classification;
U: Ungood. Any film that is ungood isn't good, don't watch it. It's been made for kids, so what do you expect. Care Bears the movie anyone? Notable exception, Star Wars.
PG: Pretty Good. Now things are getting better. Still aimed at kids and unlikely to contain enough profanities to entertain the older viewer. Occassionaly a film aims to be Pretty Gross. Take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, remember those scenes? I know, some of those actors were very ugly. And what about the Goonies? That grotesque creature when he performed that wobbly belly thing, hideous!
12: 12/10 is a good score if you use the footballer managers scale (the lads gave 110%). Any film with this mark wants to be a 15 but falls short due to the fact anyone who dies in the movie is likely to be an Orc, Robot or Comic book character. Or a ruddy great dinosaur. Everyone else will get shot in the leg or slightly injured. Oh me ankle!
15: You do the math. Hopefully any film this good will contain plenty of scenes where people have their legs hewn from under them, plenty of mild nudity and some bad words.
18: The ultimate score and the highest reccomendation any film can have apart from the R rating (R stands for Rude film I think). The dialouge in the movie will only contain swearwords and insults. People's legs will be hewn off from under them and then eaten by the protagonist of the movie. The level of nudity will rival any naturalist holiday.
One trick that the classification board miss is the chance to really sell the product to the consumer. Being informed that "the following film may contain strong language, violence and scenes of a sexual nature" is rubbish, tell me that "the following film WILL contain strong language, violence oh will there be violence, and make sure you're ready with the slow-mo in scene 15", I'll be grabbing it off the shelf faster than a Big Brother contestant becomes a no-body.
I think that recently they are employing conter-measures to make things harder. Now we have PG-12's and 18-U's (someone over 18 must be present in case there is a scary shape in the popcorn), I just can't keep up.
As for Director's cuts....
U: Ungood. Any film that is ungood isn't good, don't watch it. It's been made for kids, so what do you expect. Care Bears the movie anyone? Notable exception, Star Wars.
PG: Pretty Good. Now things are getting better. Still aimed at kids and unlikely to contain enough profanities to entertain the older viewer. Occassionaly a film aims to be Pretty Gross. Take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, remember those scenes? I know, some of those actors were very ugly. And what about the Goonies? That grotesque creature when he performed that wobbly belly thing, hideous!
12: 12/10 is a good score if you use the footballer managers scale (the lads gave 110%). Any film with this mark wants to be a 15 but falls short due to the fact anyone who dies in the movie is likely to be an Orc, Robot or Comic book character. Or a ruddy great dinosaur. Everyone else will get shot in the leg or slightly injured. Oh me ankle!
15: You do the math. Hopefully any film this good will contain plenty of scenes where people have their legs hewn from under them, plenty of mild nudity and some bad words.
18: The ultimate score and the highest reccomendation any film can have apart from the R rating (R stands for Rude film I think). The dialouge in the movie will only contain swearwords and insults. People's legs will be hewn off from under them and then eaten by the protagonist of the movie. The level of nudity will rival any naturalist holiday.
One trick that the classification board miss is the chance to really sell the product to the consumer. Being informed that "the following film may contain strong language, violence and scenes of a sexual nature" is rubbish, tell me that "the following film WILL contain strong language, violence oh will there be violence, and make sure you're ready with the slow-mo in scene 15", I'll be grabbing it off the shelf faster than a Big Brother contestant becomes a no-body.
I think that recently they are employing conter-measures to make things harder. Now we have PG-12's and 18-U's (someone over 18 must be present in case there is a scary shape in the popcorn), I just can't keep up.
As for Director's cuts....