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It happens, from time to time. I don't know why, but it does. For a few hours, I'll just sit and feel sorry for myself. Won't say anything, can't be bothered to do anyhing, can't concentrate on anything. But I don't get so bad that I watch Big Brother...
The only reason I can think for it is that I'm normally so happy and confident that, at some point, I have to feel crap to make up for it. It's normally about once a week. I remember the first time it happened when I was at uni. We'd been there about a week, and were down the pub watching the football, can't remember what match. Anyway, I'd been my usual self, happy, confident, loud, talkative, all the way through the match. But then it just happened on the walk home. I went all.... depressed is probably the wrong word, miserable might be better. But I just went completely quiet, didn't say a word. The weird thing is, no one else spoke either. Strange.
Anyway, it's happening again now, but I've kind of got used to it. Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself, that I start laughing at myself. You see, I don't normally feel sorry for miserable people.
I have a kind of mantra: "Things always work out ok in the end." And for me it's true. Maybe I just remember the good things. Or maybe not many bad things have happened in my life, even though I've been through some pretty crap stuff, it doesn't seem as bad as what some people post about on here.
But I can't be miserable for long. Something inside me seems to say "If you stay like this, no one else will sort you out. You have to do it yourself." So I do, and I cheer up, and I'm fine.
However, when I'm miserable, I'm real miserable. Just before I decided to start writing this, I was feeling scared. Scared of being alon for the rest of my life. What complete bollards. I've got a great set of mates, mates I can phone up and chat about anything, anytime. I've got a great family as well.
This is going to sound big headed, but I've met people on my placement year that I'm on now, and they've all said that they're going to miss me a lot when I go. And I know they're being genuine. I just seem to be able to make friends whereever I go. Admittedly, with my personailty, I'm a bit like marmite. You either like my sense of humour and how I am, and think I'm great. Or you think I'm a complete tossser. There seems to be no middle ground.
So why am I worried about being single for the rest of my life? I dunno. I may not look like Tom Cruise, but I'm sure as hell not ugly. I'm pretty straightforward, I say what I mean and do what I say, so people know where they are with me. So why am I sacred?
Is there something wrong with me?
This evening I gave my parents a quick call, to find out our dog died. We got a retired greyhound a week before I moved away to start this placement. As greyhounds are trained to run away, we couldn't let her off the lead when we walked her - she'd never come back. Well, it seems that another dog was harassing our dog, and our dog slipped out of her collar and ran off, across the road, and got hit by a car. When my mum told me this, I just thought "Oh well." That was it. Surely I should feel sad? Instead of indifferent.
Anyway, the miserable-ness is passing now. I'm almost finding it funny that I'm feeling so sorry for myself. SORT IT OUT!! Part of me is shouting. Another part is just laughing at how pathetic I am. I shouldn't feel like this, afterall I'm the life and soul of the party. I'm the one that always talks, that always entertains, always has fun. It's always good when Alex is about.
Bit of luck I'm not around you all the time then. Isn't it.
Still, things always work out ok in the end, don't they, eh?
But I've been lucky, everything has worked out in the end for me. Something always seemed to come from nothing, making things better.
And Mr Chainsaw, things always DO seem to work out ok for me, that's the weird thing...
And Venom, when I was at school my hair was ginger, so I didn't have an easy ride at all! :-D It's darkened down a lot now, and just looks light brown, but it used to be bright ginger.
(yes, I am always this reassuring. Good, innit?)
It sucks
It happens, from time to time. I don't know why, but it does. For a few hours, I'll just sit and feel sorry for myself. Won't say anything, can't be bothered to do anyhing, can't concentrate on anything. But I don't get so bad that I watch Big Brother...
The only reason I can think for it is that I'm normally so happy and confident that, at some point, I have to feel crap to make up for it. It's normally about once a week. I remember the first time it happened when I was at uni. We'd been there about a week, and were down the pub watching the football, can't remember what match. Anyway, I'd been my usual self, happy, confident, loud, talkative, all the way through the match. But then it just happened on the walk home. I went all.... depressed is probably the wrong word, miserable might be better. But I just went completely quiet, didn't say a word. The weird thing is, no one else spoke either. Strange.
Anyway, it's happening again now, but I've kind of got used to it. Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself, that I start laughing at myself. You see, I don't normally feel sorry for miserable people.
I have a kind of mantra: "Things always work out ok in the end." And for me it's true. Maybe I just remember the good things. Or maybe not many bad things have happened in my life, even though I've been through some pretty crap stuff, it doesn't seem as bad as what some people post about on here.
But I can't be miserable for long. Something inside me seems to say "If you stay like this, no one else will sort you out. You have to do it yourself." So I do, and I cheer up, and I'm fine.
However, when I'm miserable, I'm real miserable. Just before I decided to start writing this, I was feeling scared. Scared of being alon for the rest of my life. What complete bollards. I've got a great set of mates, mates I can phone up and chat about anything, anytime. I've got a great family as well.
This is going to sound big headed, but I've met people on my placement year that I'm on now, and they've all said that they're going to miss me a lot when I go. And I know they're being genuine. I just seem to be able to make friends whereever I go. Admittedly, with my personailty, I'm a bit like marmite. You either like my sense of humour and how I am, and think I'm great. Or you think I'm a complete tossser. There seems to be no middle ground.
So why am I worried about being single for the rest of my life? I dunno. I may not look like Tom Cruise, but I'm sure as hell not ugly. I'm pretty straightforward, I say what I mean and do what I say, so people know where they are with me. So why am I sacred?
Is there something wrong with me?
This evening I gave my parents a quick call, to find out our dog died. We got a retired greyhound a week before I moved away to start this placement. As greyhounds are trained to run away, we couldn't let her off the lead when we walked her - she'd never come back. Well, it seems that another dog was harassing our dog, and our dog slipped out of her collar and ran off, across the road, and got hit by a car. When my mum told me this, I just thought "Oh well." That was it. Surely I should feel sad? Instead of indifferent.
Anyway, the miserable-ness is passing now. I'm almost finding it funny that I'm feeling so sorry for myself. SORT IT OUT!! Part of me is shouting. Another part is just laughing at how pathetic I am. I shouldn't feel like this, afterall I'm the life and soul of the party. I'm the one that always talks, that always entertains, always has fun. It's always good when Alex is about.
Bit of luck I'm not around you all the time then. Isn't it.
Still, things always work out ok in the end, don't they, eh?