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[Stryke and MoJoJoJo are in the DVDs Forum]
MoJoJoJo: Look, I don’t care what you say, I don’t think Counting Crows are that good. Let’s just leave it at that.
[Some N00Bies enter, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are too involved in their conversation to notice]
Stryke: How can you say that, Counting Crows rule, almost as much as Tenacious D.
MoJoJoJo: OK. Too far. Counting Crows are nowhere near The D
N00Bie1: Wat is u tlking about like?
N00Bie2: Yeah, wat is The D, innit?
N00Bie1: U is sad, u is m8!
Stryke to MoJoJoJo: I’m not getting this. Do you just attract newbies?
MoJoJoJo: What? If you hadn’t been going on about the Counting Crows we wouldn’t be in this mess.
N00Bie1: oi, nuffin wrong wit N00Bies. Does u like da Xbox btw?
Stryke: Hold on. This is intense stuff here. Me and dis brother, we’re not bonding here, OK?
MoJoJoJo: Why are you talking in that stupid voice?
Stryke: I don’t know, seemed right thing to do. Anyway, with regard to the post-September 11th economic climate, when do you think we can begin to see a positive inclination in the….
[N00Bies get scared of the intellectual conversation and go in search of easier prey]
[Stryke enters the FOG Prime Forum]
MoJoJoJo: Hi Stryke, how you doing?
Stryke: Fine thanks, you?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah cool…
[Phone begins to ring]
Stryke: Where did that come from? Oh well, hello? It’s for you.
MoJoJoJo: Hello? Oh hi Snuggly. Pard..no..um..I think you mean get down here now, please. [Phone can be heard slamming down] Maybe not!
[SR Towers, Snuggly walks Stryke and MoJoJoJo into the stock room]
Snuggly: OK boys, what’s wrong with this picture. [Stryke and MoJoJoJo look round the empty room]. Remember this room, remember these piles of boxes, with GAD wins in them, all ready for the SR forum users.
Stryke: That was the most GADs SR had ever given away.
Snuggly: Gone, all gone.
MoJoJoJo: How?
Snuggly: We think through there. [Points to a wide open door at the end of the stock room]
Stryke: So they put this in for toxic GAD fumes, I like this idea, very clever!
Snuggly: OK. Politics, and my job description, demand someone takes the rap for this, and its gonna be me. I’m always putting my job on the line for you guys, now you gotta do it for me. Uh oh…
[Tony walks into the room]
Tony: Very nice Snuggly, all that stock gone. All those profits wasted. I told you GAD was a bad idea, too much profit thrown away. Just wait till the members get wind of this.
Snuggly: That’s not gonna happen. We’re gonna get the GADs back.
Tony: Well why don’t you start by looking on the inside, this had to be an inside job.
[Tony walks off]
Snuggly: OK guys, what are you waiting for!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
Stryke: OK Ant, what do you know about all these GADs going missing.
Ant: I don’t know anything.
MoJoJoJo: Oh come on Ant, you’re always in these forums, you must have heard something?
Ant: I don’t know nothing. I don’t come in these forums much anymore. I…
Stryke: Oh come on Ant, you just passed 1million words, talk.
Ant: You want me to talk? OK. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….
MoJoJoJo: This is a waste of time, lets get out of here.
[They enter Life, Universe and Everything]
MoJoJoJo: I’m telling you man, if its an inside job, Mystique will know about it, she knows the staff! – Hey Mystique!
Mystique: Hi MoJoJoJo
MoJoJoJo: Um, is there somewhere we can talk?
Mystique: Yeah sure, follow me,
MoJoJoJo to Stryke: Behave yourself!
[Stryke proceeds not behave and get into a comedy incident involving a carrot and Goatboy]
MoJoJoJo: Look, there’s a problem at SR Towers, there’s gonna be a lot of people with a lot of new films and games. I’m not asking you to get into any trouble, just keep your eyes open.
Mystique: Sure MoJoJoJo. Anything for *you*!
[Outside a non-descript hotel]
Trish: A movie party, that’s gonna rock! So what is this in aid of.
Mystique: It’s a favour for a friend, who I’m not in love with.
Trish: That’s not MoJoJoJo, is it?
Mystique: Actually yes. He’s my best friend, and if I was ever in trouble…
Trish: Yeah, yeah, he’s the only one you’d call.
[They enter the hotel]
N00b1: Ah Mystique, Trish, welcum 2 my Movie Party!
Mystique: Where did you get all these new films from?
N00b1: Um…err…I won em. Yeah!
Trish whispers to Mystique: This sucks, lets get out of here.
Mystique: But he’s got Ocean’s Eleven!
Trish: Didn’t like it. [To N00B1] Where’s the bathroom?
N00B1: Upstairs on the left. Watch your step, [sniggers for no discernable reason]
[Hercules and Sonic Rav enter the hotel]
Sonic: I should have told you about the Movie Party earlier.
Hercules: Damn N00Bies. Why couldn’t I convince any of those regulars to join my evil plan? Anyway, N00B1, what do you think you’re doing?
N00B1: [Visibly scared] Just a littL parT, a few frNds, th@s all.
[Hercules sees the pile of DVD’s] It looks like I’m financing this party.
N00B1: It was R hit man!
Hercules: Too late [Hits BAN button]
[N00B1 gets banned instantly]
Hercules: Wow, it worked! Cool! Now for you Mystique…
[Hits BAN button again, banning Mystique]
[Trish sees Mystique get banned] Oh my God.
Sonic Rav: There’s someone up there!
Hercules: Don’t worry, I’ll just BAN her!
[Hercules tries to hit the BAN button, but it’s jammed]
Hercules: Goddamnit! Stoopid BAN button!
[Trish gets away easily because no-one can be bothered to chase her]
[Later that evening, Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
[Stryke sees a topic where Mystique has been banned] Oh no. MoJoJoJo you might want to have a look at this.
MoJoJoJo: Oh no.
Stryke: Look man, we’ll get this guy.
MoJoJoJo: Yeah, look Mystique was involved in a couple of threads over in Life, I’m gonna go check them out.
Stryke: You want me to come too?
MoJoJoJo: Na, I’ve got this.
[Life, The Universe and Everything forum, MoJoJoJo enters]
MoJoJoJo: Hello, anyone here?
[Wanders around, but the forum is empty. Then a couple of N00bies charge in]
MoJoJoJo: No. Not in here. You can’t ruin this foru….
[MoJoJoJo is SPAMMED into submission]
[SR Towers, Stryke is with Snuggly]
Snuggly: Where’s MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: He went to go and check out a lead in Life.
Snuggly: Oh God, there has been loads of newbie activity in there recently.
[Then the phone rings, conveniently]
Snuggly: Where did that phone come from? Oh well. Hello. No MoJoJoJo isn’t here at the moment. Is this another call about that incident with the potato, cos we’re letting him off for that?
Trish: No it’s about an unauthorised banning you idiot.
Snuggly: You wouldn’t be talking about the banning of Mystique would you?
Trish: I’m not talking to anyone apart from MoJoJoJo.
Snuggly: Why not, there’s another regular here who can…
Trish: Put MoJoJoJo on this phone.
Snuggly: Talk to her now.
Stryke: I haven’t got time for this now
Snuggly: Pretend to be MoJoJoJo now, or I’ll BAN you!
Stryke: How can I pretend to be MoJoJoJo?
Snuggly: You’re on a phone, how is she gonna know!
[Hilarious scene follows as Stryke pretends to be MoJoJoJo and gets her address]
[Trish and Mystique’s Place]
[Stryke stands outside the door]
Stryke: I’m MoJoJoJo. [Coughs] I’m MO JoJoJO. What a stupid name. Why couldn’t he have something I could say and sound cool like Mike Lowry. I can hardly even say this.
[Knocks on the door]
Trish: Who is it?
Stryke: I’m Mo Jo Jo Jo.
Trish: Prove it.
Stryke: Um. How?
Trish: Good point. [Open’s door, then proceeds to attack Stryke with a baseball bat anyway. After a struggle Stryke manages to convince her he is MoJoJoJo, when of course he isn’t, but then….N00B1es burst in, throwing SPAM everywhere]
Stryke: Wait a minute, they can’t spam in here, this isn’t a forum, it’s a house.
Trish: They’re not SPAMMING they’re throwing spam. OW!
[Stryke and Trish, under cover of some well aimed bananas thrown by Stryke manage to escape]
Trish: OK what’s going on?
Stryke: Look, too long to explain, I’ve got to get you to SR Towers.
Trish: No way, I’m not going there, one of those guys had banning powers back at the hotel, he could be a SR Staff Member.
Stryke: No way. So where would you feel safe?
Trish: Lets do your house.
Stryke: What, no way, how about the Sport forum, its full of football fans at the moment, you’ll be safe there? [Stryke thinks about how dumb that sounded for a second, but Trish doesn’t argue, so he doesn’t say anymore]
[Stryke drops Trish off at the Sport forum after a comedy conversation with the doorman Ortega]
[SR Towers, Stryke and MoJoJoJo walk into Snuggly’s office. MoJoJoJo is still shaken after his spamming attack the night before]
Snuggly: HELLO! Did you *hear* what I said? I heard what I said cos I was there when I said it. I said go and get the witness, not get SPAM everywhere.
Stryke: It wasn’t SPAM, it was spam. Real spam…oh never mind.
Snuggly: Never mind. Where’s the girl now?
Stryke: She’s in Sport.
Snuggly: What? You left an undefended witness in THAT forum? Do you want to mess up this case?
MoJoJoJo: Hello, can I know what’s going on here?
Snuggly: Sure. Stryke here is pretending to be you while we get this user to id the people that BANNED Mystique, its not that hard really.
MoJoJoJo: OK. No need to be so sarcastic. Anyway, what am I supposed to do while Stryke is being me, what am I the designated homeless or something?
Snuggly: No, you just can’t go in Sport. Get over it.
[Sport Forum]
Stryke: OK Trish, can you remember the user ID’s of the people in the forum that night?
Trish: I’m not sure. I missed a lot of the posts, I was in the bathroom. I didn’t see who banned Mystique, but I’m pretty sure Sonic Rav was there.
Stryke: Really? The plot thickens….
[Sony Forum]
Stryke: OK, lets go in here and get Sonic Rav, Snuggly says he spends most of his time in there. And lets try and get in and out without any attacks on SPAMMING N00Bies this time.
MoJoJoJo: Hey, you’re the one who always gets into arguments, the last N00bie attacks belong to you if I’m not wrong!
Stryke: OK, Rav is in there somewhere, and we are out here arguing. Lets just do this.
MoJoJoJo: OK!
[Within minutes of confronting Sonic Rav, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are under attack from all the newbies angered at the attack on “their” Notable]
Stryke: This is great, now *we’re* getting attacked *by* Sonic Rav!
MoJoJoJo: Well what do you suggest we do.
Stryke: BAN them?
MoJoJoJo: How?
Stryke: With this handy BAN button Snuggly gave me!
MoJoJoJo: Cool!
[All the N00Bies are soon gone]
MoJoJoJo: You idiot, you banned Sonic Rav too! Now how are we gonna find out where the GADs are?
Stryke: OK, OK. Lets go talk to Trish again.
[Back in Sport Forum]
MoJoJoJo: So where is she?
Stryke: I don’t know. Ortega, where did Trish go?
Ortega: Oh, a load of N00bies came in to celebrate England’s win, they saw her and a couple of minutes later she got BANNED.
MoJoJoJo: Great, now we have nothing.
[Back at SR Towers]
Snuggly: What are you guys doing? First you BAN our only lead, then you lose our witness.
Stryke: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Snuggly: Oh, you will be.
[Tony enters the room]
Tony: So, no GADs back yet. No suspects. No nothing, least of all no profits! I finally got the authority to close GAD down. You’re gonna be re-assigned! [Walks out]
Snuggly: Right. I’m being backed into a corner here.
MoJoJoJo: No you’re not, you’re behind your desk.
Snuggly: Shut up. Right, we have 24 hours to get these GADs back. Time to get lucky.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo leave the office]
Stryke: What about ANT?
MoJoJoJo: You’re right. There are entirely too many GADs to go missing for ANT not to know anything.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo corner ANT in one of the forums]
Stryke: OK ANT, what’s going on?
ANT: Pardon? What do you mean?
Stryke: C’mon ANT. The missing GADs, who behind them?
ANT: I don’t know, I told you, I’m never on these forums anymore.
Stryke: Look ANT…
MoJoJoJo: I’ve had enough of this. Look ANT, I’ve got a BAN button here, and its got your name on it.
Stryke: Tell him ANT!
ANT: Okay, okay. I don’t know everything about everything, but I know a little about a few things.
Stryke: Your place on the top posters list, all gone!
MoJoJoJo: I’m listening…
ANT: Okay, there’s this guy, he’s posting all over the place, more than me, apparently he’s got something to do with it.
Stryke: There’s gotta be more, tell him ANT
MoJoJoJo: Who is he?
ANT: I can’t tell you, but I can get you his ID, I’ve got it here somewhere.
Stryke: More ANT, don’t get BANNED!
MoJoJoJo: You’d do that for us?
ANT: Sure I’d do it for you guys.
MoJoJoJo: OK.
ANT: What, now?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah. Go on. We’ll wait.
[SR Towers]
Loki: So, I was checking out that ID, one Hercules, been posting an awful lot recently. Anyway, I checked his details, came up with something interesting.
Snuggly: Oh yeah?
Loki: Yeah.
Snuggly: ……so, are you gonna tell me?
Loki: Oh, sorry. My bad! Yeah, he’s got the same contact address as Schroeder!
Stryke: We’ve found our rat!
[Schroeder is brought in to the room]
MoJoJoJo: Okay, no excuses, just tell us where we can find Hercules.
Schroeder: I don’t know where he is. When I want to contact him I just go to the SR Site Bugs Forum.
Stryke: Lets roll! [Everyone looks at him] Hey, I’ve always wanted to say that.
[In the Site Bugs Forum, Stryke is phoning Snuggly back in SR Towers]
Stryke: We need to know which topic he’s in Snuggly. Can’t you triangulate his position using some nifty technology or something.
Snuggly: Who the hell do you think I am?
MoJoJoJo: I tell you what, I bet he’s in the old “I’ve found a cheat topic”
Stryke: Lets roll!
[MoJoJoJo just looks at him and shakes his head]
[Back in SR Towers]
Snuggly, on the phone: Okay. I’m calling in a favour, I need everything, Staff Members, Notables, we’re calling all cards baby. Except….I don’t know which topic I need them in!
[SR Site Bugs Forum, Hercules is completing his dastardly deed, while Trish is locked in the topic, being made to read stupid posts by JATs and Newbies]
Hercules: There you go, two years supply of GADs as promised.
Leader of crummy high street store: Aha, now I will finally be able to compete against SR and their great value for money! Muahahaha!
Hercules: Whatever, just give me my money.
LoCHSS: There you go £100,000, as promised.
Trish: You’re a monster Hercules.
Hercules: Yeah, but at least I’ll be rich! Muahahahaha. Hmm, doesn’t suit me does it?
Trish: Na.
[Outside the Topic]
Stryke: I don’t know MoJoJoJo, there’s a lot of newbies in there. Are you sure we can take all of them? I mean even Kit Fisto might have a problem!
MoJoJoJo: Don’t worry. My plan always works sometimes!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo charge into the topic, firing off witty comments and well constructed sentences in all directions. The JAT’s and Newbies can’t take it and flee from the scene in their hundreds.]
Hercules: It’s a trap, you set me up. [Presses his BAN button]
LoCHSS: Um….not really bothered, I don’t *want* to stay here. Idiot.
Hercules: Oh yeah, oh well.
[Hercules gets into the conveniently placed fast car that LoCHSS has left nearby]
[Stryke and Trish, who has somehow escaped, pull up in a mint car]
Trish: Get in MoJoJoJo, Hercules is getting away.
MoJoJoJo: How are you gonna leave me here to face these newbies while you go and get a car. Hang on, we’re in a chat forum, what are you doing in a car anyway.
The_GingerLord: Look, I’m writing this! The film ends in a car chase, and I couldn’t come up with anything better. OK?
MoJoJoJo: OK.
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, will you get in the funning car.
MoJoJoJo: OK, go go!
[The two cars go charging along at a ridiculous speed towards a conveniently placed concrete wall, with a gap, surprisingly only large enough for one of the cars]
MoJoJoJo: Its gonna be him or us baby, him or us. This is a faster car, this is a goddamn faster car.
Trish: You have *got* to let him drive! And why are you talking in a stupid accent?
[Stryke bashes Hercules’ car out of the way, flies through the gap in the concrete wall, and manages to break from over 100mph to 0 in about 10 feet.]
[They stand over Hercules, who has crawled from the wreckage, just as the Staff and Notables turn up to recapture the GADs]
MoJoJoJo: It’s over Hercules. Take him away [to no-one in particular]
[Hercules takes out his secret BAN button. MoJoJoJo hears the click and spins round, pulling out his own BAN button, BANNING Hercules ten times.]
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, did I ever tell you I love you man?
MoJoJoJo: No.
Stryke: That’s cos I’m not gay. Don’t listen to them, OK?
Trish: Wait a minute, your not MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: Nope, he’s MoJoJoJo. [Takes handcuffs from nowhere in particular and handcuffs them together] You wanted MoJoJoJo, there he is. MO-JoJoJo! I’m off to listen to some Counting Crows.
MoJoJoJo: Hey Snuggly, you got keys for these?
Snuggly: Who do you think I am?
[Music fades in – GAD Boys, GAD Boys, what ya gonna do….]
Hope you enjoyed this.
GL
---------------------------
Well done for getting this far. Hope I didn't offend anyone!
MoJoJoJo: Look, I don’t care what you say, I don’t think Counting Crows are that good. Let’s just leave it at that.
[Some N00Bies enter, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are too involved in their conversation to notice]
Stryke: How can you say that, Counting Crows rule, almost as much as Tenacious D.
MoJoJoJo: OK. Too far. Counting Crows are nowhere near The D
N00Bie1: Wat is u tlking about like?
N00Bie2: Yeah, wat is The D, innit?
N00Bie1: U is sad, u is m8!
Stryke to MoJoJoJo: I’m not getting this. Do you just attract newbies?
MoJoJoJo: What? If you hadn’t been going on about the Counting Crows we wouldn’t be in this mess.
N00Bie1: oi, nuffin wrong wit N00Bies. Does u like da Xbox btw?
Stryke: Hold on. This is intense stuff here. Me and dis brother, we’re not bonding here, OK?
MoJoJoJo: Why are you talking in that stupid voice?
Stryke: I don’t know, seemed right thing to do. Anyway, with regard to the post-September 11th economic climate, when do you think we can begin to see a positive inclination in the….
[N00Bies get scared of the intellectual conversation and go in search of easier prey]
[Stryke enters the FOG Prime Forum]
MoJoJoJo: Hi Stryke, how you doing?
Stryke: Fine thanks, you?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah cool…
[Phone begins to ring]
Stryke: Where did that come from? Oh well, hello? It’s for you.
MoJoJoJo: Hello? Oh hi Snuggly. Pard..no..um..I think you mean get down here now, please. [Phone can be heard slamming down] Maybe not!
[SR Towers, Snuggly walks Stryke and MoJoJoJo into the stock room]
Snuggly: OK boys, what’s wrong with this picture. [Stryke and MoJoJoJo look round the empty room]. Remember this room, remember these piles of boxes, with GAD wins in them, all ready for the SR forum users.
Stryke: That was the most GADs SR had ever given away.
Snuggly: Gone, all gone.
MoJoJoJo: How?
Snuggly: We think through there. [Points to a wide open door at the end of the stock room]
Stryke: So they put this in for toxic GAD fumes, I like this idea, very clever!
Snuggly: OK. Politics, and my job description, demand someone takes the rap for this, and its gonna be me. I’m always putting my job on the line for you guys, now you gotta do it for me. Uh oh…
[Tony walks into the room]
Tony: Very nice Snuggly, all that stock gone. All those profits wasted. I told you GAD was a bad idea, too much profit thrown away. Just wait till the members get wind of this.
Snuggly: That’s not gonna happen. We’re gonna get the GADs back.
Tony: Well why don’t you start by looking on the inside, this had to be an inside job.
[Tony walks off]
Snuggly: OK guys, what are you waiting for!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
Stryke: OK Ant, what do you know about all these GADs going missing.
Ant: I don’t know anything.
MoJoJoJo: Oh come on Ant, you’re always in these forums, you must have heard something?
Ant: I don’t know nothing. I don’t come in these forums much anymore. I…
Stryke: Oh come on Ant, you just passed 1million words, talk.
Ant: You want me to talk? OK. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….
MoJoJoJo: This is a waste of time, lets get out of here.
[They enter Life, Universe and Everything]
MoJoJoJo: I’m telling you man, if its an inside job, Mystique will know about it, she knows the staff! – Hey Mystique!
Mystique: Hi MoJoJoJo
MoJoJoJo: Um, is there somewhere we can talk?
Mystique: Yeah sure, follow me,
MoJoJoJo to Stryke: Behave yourself!
[Stryke proceeds not behave and get into a comedy incident involving a carrot and Goatboy]
MoJoJoJo: Look, there’s a problem at SR Towers, there’s gonna be a lot of people with a lot of new films and games. I’m not asking you to get into any trouble, just keep your eyes open.
Mystique: Sure MoJoJoJo. Anything for *you*!
[Outside a non-descript hotel]
Trish: A movie party, that’s gonna rock! So what is this in aid of.
Mystique: It’s a favour for a friend, who I’m not in love with.
Trish: That’s not MoJoJoJo, is it?
Mystique: Actually yes. He’s my best friend, and if I was ever in trouble…
Trish: Yeah, yeah, he’s the only one you’d call.
[They enter the hotel]
N00b1: Ah Mystique, Trish, welcum 2 my Movie Party!
Mystique: Where did you get all these new films from?
N00b1: Um…err…I won em. Yeah!
Trish whispers to Mystique: This sucks, lets get out of here.
Mystique: But he’s got Ocean’s Eleven!
Trish: Didn’t like it. [To N00B1] Where’s the bathroom?
N00B1: Upstairs on the left. Watch your step, [sniggers for no discernable reason]
[Hercules and Sonic Rav enter the hotel]
Sonic: I should have told you about the Movie Party earlier.
Hercules: Damn N00Bies. Why couldn’t I convince any of those regulars to join my evil plan? Anyway, N00B1, what do you think you’re doing?
N00B1: [Visibly scared] Just a littL parT, a few frNds, th@s all.
[Hercules sees the pile of DVD’s] It looks like I’m financing this party.
N00B1: It was R hit man!
Hercules: Too late [Hits BAN button]
[N00B1 gets banned instantly]
Hercules: Wow, it worked! Cool! Now for you Mystique…
[Hits BAN button again, banning Mystique]
[Trish sees Mystique get banned] Oh my God.
Sonic Rav: There’s someone up there!
Hercules: Don’t worry, I’ll just BAN her!
[Hercules tries to hit the BAN button, but it’s jammed]
Hercules: Goddamnit! Stoopid BAN button!
[Trish gets away easily because no-one can be bothered to chase her]
[Later that evening, Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
[Stryke sees a topic where Mystique has been banned] Oh no. MoJoJoJo you might want to have a look at this.
MoJoJoJo: Oh no.
Stryke: Look man, we’ll get this guy.
MoJoJoJo: Yeah, look Mystique was involved in a couple of threads over in Life, I’m gonna go check them out.
Stryke: You want me to come too?
MoJoJoJo: Na, I’ve got this.
[Life, The Universe and Everything forum, MoJoJoJo enters]
MoJoJoJo: Hello, anyone here?
[Wanders around, but the forum is empty. Then a couple of N00bies charge in]
MoJoJoJo: No. Not in here. You can’t ruin this foru….
[MoJoJoJo is SPAMMED into submission]
[SR Towers, Stryke is with Snuggly]
Snuggly: Where’s MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: He went to go and check out a lead in Life.
Snuggly: Oh God, there has been loads of newbie activity in there recently.
[Then the phone rings, conveniently]
Snuggly: Where did that phone come from? Oh well. Hello. No MoJoJoJo isn’t here at the moment. Is this another call about that incident with the potato, cos we’re letting him off for that?
Trish: No it’s about an unauthorised banning you idiot.
Snuggly: You wouldn’t be talking about the banning of Mystique would you?
Trish: I’m not talking to anyone apart from MoJoJoJo.
Snuggly: Why not, there’s another regular here who can…
Trish: Put MoJoJoJo on this phone.
Snuggly: Talk to her now.
Stryke: I haven’t got time for this now
Snuggly: Pretend to be MoJoJoJo now, or I’ll BAN you!
Stryke: How can I pretend to be MoJoJoJo?
Snuggly: You’re on a phone, how is she gonna know!
[Hilarious scene follows as Stryke pretends to be MoJoJoJo and gets her address]
[Trish and Mystique’s Place]
[Stryke stands outside the door]
Stryke: I’m MoJoJoJo. [Coughs] I’m MO JoJoJO. What a stupid name. Why couldn’t he have something I could say and sound cool like Mike Lowry. I can hardly even say this.
[Knocks on the door]
Trish: Who is it?
Stryke: I’m Mo Jo Jo Jo.
Trish: Prove it.
Stryke: Um. How?
Trish: Good point. [Open’s door, then proceeds to attack Stryke with a baseball bat anyway. After a struggle Stryke manages to convince her he is MoJoJoJo, when of course he isn’t, but then….N00B1es burst in, throwing SPAM everywhere]
Stryke: Wait a minute, they can’t spam in here, this isn’t a forum, it’s a house.
Trish: They’re not SPAMMING they’re throwing spam. OW!
[Stryke and Trish, under cover of some well aimed bananas thrown by Stryke manage to escape]
Trish: OK what’s going on?
Stryke: Look, too long to explain, I’ve got to get you to SR Towers.
Trish: No way, I’m not going there, one of those guys had banning powers back at the hotel, he could be a SR Staff Member.
Stryke: No way. So where would you feel safe?
Trish: Lets do your house.
Stryke: What, no way, how about the Sport forum, its full of football fans at the moment, you’ll be safe there? [Stryke thinks about how dumb that sounded for a second, but Trish doesn’t argue, so he doesn’t say anymore]
[Stryke drops Trish off at the Sport forum after a comedy conversation with the doorman Ortega]
[SR Towers, Stryke and MoJoJoJo walk into Snuggly’s office. MoJoJoJo is still shaken after his spamming attack the night before]
Snuggly: HELLO! Did you *hear* what I said? I heard what I said cos I was there when I said it. I said go and get the witness, not get SPAM everywhere.
Stryke: It wasn’t SPAM, it was spam. Real spam…oh never mind.
Snuggly: Never mind. Where’s the girl now?
Stryke: She’s in Sport.
Snuggly: What? You left an undefended witness in THAT forum? Do you want to mess up this case?
MoJoJoJo: Hello, can I know what’s going on here?
Snuggly: Sure. Stryke here is pretending to be you while we get this user to id the people that BANNED Mystique, its not that hard really.
MoJoJoJo: OK. No need to be so sarcastic. Anyway, what am I supposed to do while Stryke is being me, what am I the designated homeless or something?
Snuggly: No, you just can’t go in Sport. Get over it.
[Sport Forum]
Stryke: OK Trish, can you remember the user ID’s of the people in the forum that night?
Trish: I’m not sure. I missed a lot of the posts, I was in the bathroom. I didn’t see who banned Mystique, but I’m pretty sure Sonic Rav was there.
Stryke: Really? The plot thickens….
[Sony Forum]
Stryke: OK, lets go in here and get Sonic Rav, Snuggly says he spends most of his time in there. And lets try and get in and out without any attacks on SPAMMING N00Bies this time.
MoJoJoJo: Hey, you’re the one who always gets into arguments, the last N00bie attacks belong to you if I’m not wrong!
Stryke: OK, Rav is in there somewhere, and we are out here arguing. Lets just do this.
MoJoJoJo: OK!
[Within minutes of confronting Sonic Rav, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are under attack from all the newbies angered at the attack on “their” Notable]
Stryke: This is great, now *we’re* getting attacked *by* Sonic Rav!
MoJoJoJo: Well what do you suggest we do.
Stryke: BAN them?
MoJoJoJo: How?
Stryke: With this handy BAN button Snuggly gave me!
MoJoJoJo: Cool!
[All the N00Bies are soon gone]
MoJoJoJo: You idiot, you banned Sonic Rav too! Now how are we gonna find out where the GADs are?
Stryke: OK, OK. Lets go talk to Trish again.
[Back in Sport Forum]
MoJoJoJo: So where is she?
Stryke: I don’t know. Ortega, where did Trish go?
Ortega: Oh, a load of N00bies came in to celebrate England’s win, they saw her and a couple of minutes later she got BANNED.
MoJoJoJo: Great, now we have nothing.
[Back at SR Towers]
Snuggly: What are you guys doing? First you BAN our only lead, then you lose our witness.
Stryke: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Snuggly: Oh, you will be.
[Tony enters the room]
Tony: So, no GADs back yet. No suspects. No nothing, least of all no profits! I finally got the authority to close GAD down. You’re gonna be re-assigned! [Walks out]
Snuggly: Right. I’m being backed into a corner here.
MoJoJoJo: No you’re not, you’re behind your desk.
Snuggly: Shut up. Right, we have 24 hours to get these GADs back. Time to get lucky.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo leave the office]
Stryke: What about ANT?
MoJoJoJo: You’re right. There are entirely too many GADs to go missing for ANT not to know anything.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo corner ANT in one of the forums]
Stryke: OK ANT, what’s going on?
ANT: Pardon? What do you mean?
Stryke: C’mon ANT. The missing GADs, who behind them?
ANT: I don’t know, I told you, I’m never on these forums anymore.
Stryke: Look ANT…
MoJoJoJo: I’ve had enough of this. Look ANT, I’ve got a BAN button here, and its got your name on it.
Stryke: Tell him ANT!
ANT: Okay, okay. I don’t know everything about everything, but I know a little about a few things.
Stryke: Your place on the top posters list, all gone!
MoJoJoJo: I’m listening…
ANT: Okay, there’s this guy, he’s posting all over the place, more than me, apparently he’s got something to do with it.
Stryke: There’s gotta be more, tell him ANT
MoJoJoJo: Who is he?
ANT: I can’t tell you, but I can get you his ID, I’ve got it here somewhere.
Stryke: More ANT, don’t get BANNED!
MoJoJoJo: You’d do that for us?
ANT: Sure I’d do it for you guys.
MoJoJoJo: OK.
ANT: What, now?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah. Go on. We’ll wait.
[SR Towers]
Loki: So, I was checking out that ID, one Hercules, been posting an awful lot recently. Anyway, I checked his details, came up with something interesting.
Snuggly: Oh yeah?
Loki: Yeah.
Snuggly: ……so, are you gonna tell me?
Loki: Oh, sorry. My bad! Yeah, he’s got the same contact address as Schroeder!
Stryke: We’ve found our rat!
[Schroeder is brought in to the room]
MoJoJoJo: Okay, no excuses, just tell us where we can find Hercules.
Schroeder: I don’t know where he is. When I want to contact him I just go to the SR Site Bugs Forum.
Stryke: Lets roll! [Everyone looks at him] Hey, I’ve always wanted to say that.
[In the Site Bugs Forum, Stryke is phoning Snuggly back in SR Towers]
Stryke: We need to know which topic he’s in Snuggly. Can’t you triangulate his position using some nifty technology or something.
Snuggly: Who the hell do you think I am?
MoJoJoJo: I tell you what, I bet he’s in the old “I’ve found a cheat topic”
Stryke: Lets roll!
[MoJoJoJo just looks at him and shakes his head]
[Back in SR Towers]
Snuggly, on the phone: Okay. I’m calling in a favour, I need everything, Staff Members, Notables, we’re calling all cards baby. Except….I don’t know which topic I need them in!
[SR Site Bugs Forum, Hercules is completing his dastardly deed, while Trish is locked in the topic, being made to read stupid posts by JATs and Newbies]
Hercules: There you go, two years supply of GADs as promised.
Leader of crummy high street store: Aha, now I will finally be able to compete against SR and their great value for money! Muahahaha!
Hercules: Whatever, just give me my money.
LoCHSS: There you go £100,000, as promised.
Trish: You’re a monster Hercules.
Hercules: Yeah, but at least I’ll be rich! Muahahahaha. Hmm, doesn’t suit me does it?
Trish: Na.
[Outside the Topic]
Stryke: I don’t know MoJoJoJo, there’s a lot of newbies in there. Are you sure we can take all of them? I mean even Kit Fisto might have a problem!
MoJoJoJo: Don’t worry. My plan always works sometimes!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo charge into the topic, firing off witty comments and well constructed sentences in all directions. The JAT’s and Newbies can’t take it and flee from the scene in their hundreds.]
Hercules: It’s a trap, you set me up. [Presses his BAN button]
LoCHSS: Um….not really bothered, I don’t *want* to stay here. Idiot.
Hercules: Oh yeah, oh well.
[Hercules gets into the conveniently placed fast car that LoCHSS has left nearby]
[Stryke and Trish, who has somehow escaped, pull up in a mint car]
Trish: Get in MoJoJoJo, Hercules is getting away.
MoJoJoJo: How are you gonna leave me here to face these newbies while you go and get a car. Hang on, we’re in a chat forum, what are you doing in a car anyway.
The_GingerLord: Look, I’m writing this! The film ends in a car chase, and I couldn’t come up with anything better. OK?
MoJoJoJo: OK.
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, will you get in the funning car.
MoJoJoJo: OK, go go!
[The two cars go charging along at a ridiculous speed towards a conveniently placed concrete wall, with a gap, surprisingly only large enough for one of the cars]
MoJoJoJo: Its gonna be him or us baby, him or us. This is a faster car, this is a goddamn faster car.
Trish: You have *got* to let him drive! And why are you talking in a stupid accent?
[Stryke bashes Hercules’ car out of the way, flies through the gap in the concrete wall, and manages to break from over 100mph to 0 in about 10 feet.]
[They stand over Hercules, who has crawled from the wreckage, just as the Staff and Notables turn up to recapture the GADs]
MoJoJoJo: It’s over Hercules. Take him away [to no-one in particular]
[Hercules takes out his secret BAN button. MoJoJoJo hears the click and spins round, pulling out his own BAN button, BANNING Hercules ten times.]
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, did I ever tell you I love you man?
MoJoJoJo: No.
Stryke: That’s cos I’m not gay. Don’t listen to them, OK?
Trish: Wait a minute, your not MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: Nope, he’s MoJoJoJo. [Takes handcuffs from nowhere in particular and handcuffs them together] You wanted MoJoJoJo, there he is. MO-JoJoJo! I’m off to listen to some Counting Crows.
MoJoJoJo: Hey Snuggly, you got keys for these?
Snuggly: Who do you think I am?
[Music fades in – GAD Boys, GAD Boys, what ya gonna do….]
Hope you enjoyed this.
GL
---------------------------
Well done for getting this far. Hope I didn't offend anyone!
Thanks. Yeah that was my first spoof, first time I've had a good idea for one to be honest! As for some more - i'll let you know if the cogs in my head start turning again!
Heh, that was pretty darn good dude. Wasnt expecting anything as good as that (because ive never seen you do a spoof before) but I got a little suprise. It was very good, funny too.
:D
Keep em coming dude!
Nice one.
:)
:D
Keep em coming dude!
Nice one.
:)
Excellent. The D have to come into it somewhere. And MoJoMan, you cannot use my idea unless you incorporate YoungNastyMan and/or Wonderboy. It's...something...unwritten law. Yeah.
Damn it, knew I forgot something. OK replace
[Music fades in, GAD Boys, GAD Boys, what ya gonna do]
with
[Music fades in, and the strange thing is, the song we sang on that fateful night....didn't sound anything like this song....this is just a TRIBUTE]
Better now?
[Music fades in, GAD Boys, GAD Boys, what ya gonna do]
with
[Music fades in, and the strange thing is, the song we sang on that fateful night....didn't sound anything like this song....this is just a TRIBUTE]
Better now?
Stryke wrote:
> *has an idea for a spoof of Superman*
>
> One of you chaps go write it :)
------
I copyright that idea, it's mine, all mine!
> *has an idea for a spoof of Superman*
>
> One of you chaps go write it :)
------
I copyright that idea, it's mine, all mine!
Kit Fisto would have no problem. With anything. But that ruled. I seem to be in every spoof. Add in Young Mr Nasty Man and it'll be complete.
*has an idea for a spoof of Superman*
One of you chaps go write it :)
*has an idea for a spoof of Superman*
One of you chaps go write it :)
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo are in the DVDs Forum]
MoJoJoJo: Look, I don’t care what you say, I don’t think Counting Crows are that good. Let’s just leave it at that.
[Some N00Bies enter, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are too involved in their conversation to notice]
Stryke: How can you say that, Counting Crows rule, almost as much as Tenacious D.
MoJoJoJo: OK. Too far. Counting Crows are nowhere near The D
N00Bie1: Wat is u tlking about like?
N00Bie2: Yeah, wat is The D, innit?
N00Bie1: U is sad, u is m8!
Stryke to MoJoJoJo: I’m not getting this. Do you just attract newbies?
MoJoJoJo: What? If you hadn’t been going on about the Counting Crows we wouldn’t be in this mess.
N00Bie1: oi, nuffin wrong wit N00Bies. Does u like da Xbox btw?
Stryke: Hold on. This is intense stuff here. Me and dis brother, we’re not bonding here, OK?
MoJoJoJo: Why are you talking in that stupid voice?
Stryke: I don’t know, seemed right thing to do. Anyway, with regard to the post-September 11th economic climate, when do you think we can begin to see a positive inclination in the….
[N00Bies get scared of the intellectual conversation and go in search of easier prey]
[Stryke enters the FOG Prime Forum]
MoJoJoJo: Hi Stryke, how you doing?
Stryke: Fine thanks, you?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah cool…
[Phone begins to ring]
Stryke: Where did that come from? Oh well, hello? It’s for you.
MoJoJoJo: Hello? Oh hi Snuggly. Pard..no..um..I think you mean get down here now, please. [Phone can be heard slamming down] Maybe not!
[SR Towers, Snuggly walks Stryke and MoJoJoJo into the stock room]
Snuggly: OK boys, what’s wrong with this picture. [Stryke and MoJoJoJo look round the empty room]. Remember this room, remember these piles of boxes, with GAD wins in them, all ready for the SR forum users.
Stryke: That was the most GADs SR had ever given away.
Snuggly: Gone, all gone.
MoJoJoJo: How?
Snuggly: We think through there. [Points to a wide open door at the end of the stock room]
Stryke: So they put this in for toxic GAD fumes, I like this idea, very clever!
Snuggly: OK. Politics, and my job description, demand someone takes the rap for this, and its gonna be me. I’m always putting my job on the line for you guys, now you gotta do it for me. Uh oh…
[Tony walks into the room]
Tony: Very nice Snuggly, all that stock gone. All those profits wasted. I told you GAD was a bad idea, too much profit thrown away. Just wait till the members get wind of this.
Snuggly: That’s not gonna happen. We’re gonna get the GADs back.
Tony: Well why don’t you start by looking on the inside, this had to be an inside job.
[Tony walks off]
Snuggly: OK guys, what are you waiting for!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
Stryke: OK Ant, what do you know about all these GADs going missing.
Ant: I don’t know anything.
MoJoJoJo: Oh come on Ant, you’re always in these forums, you must have heard something?
Ant: I don’t know nothing. I don’t come in these forums much anymore. I…
Stryke: Oh come on Ant, you just passed 1million words, talk.
Ant: You want me to talk? OK. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….
MoJoJoJo: This is a waste of time, lets get out of here.
[They enter Life, Universe and Everything]
MoJoJoJo: I’m telling you man, if its an inside job, Mystique will know about it, she knows the staff! – Hey Mystique!
Mystique: Hi MoJoJoJo
MoJoJoJo: Um, is there somewhere we can talk?
Mystique: Yeah sure, follow me,
MoJoJoJo to Stryke: Behave yourself!
[Stryke proceeds not behave and get into a comedy incident involving a carrot and Goatboy]
MoJoJoJo: Look, there’s a problem at SR Towers, there’s gonna be a lot of people with a lot of new films and games. I’m not asking you to get into any trouble, just keep your eyes open.
Mystique: Sure MoJoJoJo. Anything for *you*!
[Outside a non-descript hotel]
Trish: A movie party, that’s gonna rock! So what is this in aid of.
Mystique: It’s a favour for a friend, who I’m not in love with.
Trish: That’s not MoJoJoJo, is it?
Mystique: Actually yes. He’s my best friend, and if I was ever in trouble…
Trish: Yeah, yeah, he’s the only one you’d call.
[They enter the hotel]
N00b1: Ah Mystique, Trish, welcum 2 my Movie Party!
Mystique: Where did you get all these new films from?
N00b1: Um…err…I won em. Yeah!
Trish whispers to Mystique: This sucks, lets get out of here.
Mystique: But he’s got Ocean’s Eleven!
Trish: Didn’t like it. [To N00B1] Where’s the bathroom?
N00B1: Upstairs on the left. Watch your step, [sniggers for no discernable reason]
[Hercules and Sonic Rav enter the hotel]
Sonic: I should have told you about the Movie Party earlier.
Hercules: Damn N00Bies. Why couldn’t I convince any of those regulars to join my evil plan? Anyway, N00B1, what do you think you’re doing?
N00B1: [Visibly scared] Just a littL parT, a few frNds, th@s all.
[Hercules sees the pile of DVD’s] It looks like I’m financing this party.
N00B1: It was R hit man!
Hercules: Too late [Hits BAN button]
[N00B1 gets banned instantly]
Hercules: Wow, it worked! Cool! Now for you Mystique…
[Hits BAN button again, banning Mystique]
[Trish sees Mystique get banned] Oh my God.
Sonic Rav: There’s someone up there!
Hercules: Don’t worry, I’ll just BAN her!
[Hercules tries to hit the BAN button, but it’s jammed]
Hercules: Goddamnit! Stoopid BAN button!
[Trish gets away easily because no-one can be bothered to chase her]
[Later that evening, Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
[Stryke sees a topic where Mystique has been banned] Oh no. MoJoJoJo you might want to have a look at this.
MoJoJoJo: Oh no.
Stryke: Look man, we’ll get this guy.
MoJoJoJo: Yeah, look Mystique was involved in a couple of threads over in Life, I’m gonna go check them out.
Stryke: You want me to come too?
MoJoJoJo: Na, I’ve got this.
[Life, The Universe and Everything forum, MoJoJoJo enters]
MoJoJoJo: Hello, anyone here?
[Wanders around, but the forum is empty. Then a couple of N00bies charge in]
MoJoJoJo: No. Not in here. You can’t ruin this foru….
[MoJoJoJo is SPAMMED into submission]
[SR Towers, Stryke is with Snuggly]
Snuggly: Where’s MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: He went to go and check out a lead in Life.
Snuggly: Oh God, there has been loads of newbie activity in there recently.
[Then the phone rings, conveniently]
Snuggly: Where did that phone come from? Oh well. Hello. No MoJoJoJo isn’t here at the moment. Is this another call about that incident with the potato, cos we’re letting him off for that?
Trish: No it’s about an unauthorised banning you idiot.
Snuggly: You wouldn’t be talking about the banning of Mystique would you?
Trish: I’m not talking to anyone apart from MoJoJoJo.
Snuggly: Why not, there’s another regular here who can…
Trish: Put MoJoJoJo on this phone.
Snuggly: Talk to her now.
Stryke: I haven’t got time for this now
Snuggly: Pretend to be MoJoJoJo now, or I’ll BAN you!
Stryke: How can I pretend to be MoJoJoJo?
Snuggly: You’re on a phone, how is she gonna know!
[Hilarious scene follows as Stryke pretends to be MoJoJoJo and gets her address]
[Trish and Mystique’s Place]
[Stryke stands outside the door]
Stryke: I’m MoJoJoJo. [Coughs] I’m MO JoJoJO. What a stupid name. Why couldn’t he have something I could say and sound cool like Mike Lowry. I can hardly even say this.
[Knocks on the door]
Trish: Who is it?
Stryke: I’m Mo Jo Jo Jo.
Trish: Prove it.
Stryke: Um. How?
Trish: Good point. [Open’s door, then proceeds to attack Stryke with a baseball bat anyway. After a struggle Stryke manages to convince her he is MoJoJoJo, when of course he isn’t, but then….N00B1es burst in, throwing SPAM everywhere]
Stryke: Wait a minute, they can’t spam in here, this isn’t a forum, it’s a house.
Trish: They’re not SPAMMING they’re throwing spam. OW!
[Stryke and Trish, under cover of some well aimed bananas thrown by Stryke manage to escape]
Trish: OK what’s going on?
Stryke: Look, too long to explain, I’ve got to get you to SR Towers.
Trish: No way, I’m not going there, one of those guys had banning powers back at the hotel, he could be a SR Staff Member.
Stryke: No way. So where would you feel safe?
Trish: Lets do your house.
Stryke: What, no way, how about the Sport forum, its full of football fans at the moment, you’ll be safe there? [Stryke thinks about how dumb that sounded for a second, but Trish doesn’t argue, so he doesn’t say anymore]
[Stryke drops Trish off at the Sport forum after a comedy conversation with the doorman Ortega]
[SR Towers, Stryke and MoJoJoJo walk into Snuggly’s office. MoJoJoJo is still shaken after his spamming attack the night before]
Snuggly: HELLO! Did you *hear* what I said? I heard what I said cos I was there when I said it. I said go and get the witness, not get SPAM everywhere.
Stryke: It wasn’t SPAM, it was spam. Real spam…oh never mind.
Snuggly: Never mind. Where’s the girl now?
Stryke: She’s in Sport.
Snuggly: What? You left an undefended witness in THAT forum? Do you want to mess up this case?
MoJoJoJo: Hello, can I know what’s going on here?
Snuggly: Sure. Stryke here is pretending to be you while we get this user to id the people that BANNED Mystique, its not that hard really.
MoJoJoJo: OK. No need to be so sarcastic. Anyway, what am I supposed to do while Stryke is being me, what am I the designated homeless or something?
Snuggly: No, you just can’t go in Sport. Get over it.
[Sport Forum]
Stryke: OK Trish, can you remember the user ID’s of the people in the forum that night?
Trish: I’m not sure. I missed a lot of the posts, I was in the bathroom. I didn’t see who banned Mystique, but I’m pretty sure Sonic Rav was there.
Stryke: Really? The plot thickens….
[Sony Forum]
Stryke: OK, lets go in here and get Sonic Rav, Snuggly says he spends most of his time in there. And lets try and get in and out without any attacks on SPAMMING N00Bies this time.
MoJoJoJo: Hey, you’re the one who always gets into arguments, the last N00bie attacks belong to you if I’m not wrong!
Stryke: OK, Rav is in there somewhere, and we are out here arguing. Lets just do this.
MoJoJoJo: OK!
[Within minutes of confronting Sonic Rav, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are under attack from all the newbies angered at the attack on “their” Notable]
Stryke: This is great, now *we’re* getting attacked *by* Sonic Rav!
MoJoJoJo: Well what do you suggest we do.
Stryke: BAN them?
MoJoJoJo: How?
Stryke: With this handy BAN button Snuggly gave me!
MoJoJoJo: Cool!
[All the N00Bies are soon gone]
MoJoJoJo: You idiot, you banned Sonic Rav too! Now how are we gonna find out where the GADs are?
Stryke: OK, OK. Lets go talk to Trish again.
[Back in Sport Forum]
MoJoJoJo: So where is she?
Stryke: I don’t know. Ortega, where did Trish go?
Ortega: Oh, a load of N00bies came in to celebrate England’s win, they saw her and a couple of minutes later she got BANNED.
MoJoJoJo: Great, now we have nothing.
[Back at SR Towers]
Snuggly: What are you guys doing? First you BAN our only lead, then you lose our witness.
Stryke: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Snuggly: Oh, you will be.
[Tony enters the room]
Tony: So, no GADs back yet. No suspects. No nothing, least of all no profits! I finally got the authority to close GAD down. You’re gonna be re-assigned! [Walks out]
Snuggly: Right. I’m being backed into a corner here.
MoJoJoJo: No you’re not, you’re behind your desk.
Snuggly: Shut up. Right, we have 24 hours to get these GADs back. Time to get lucky.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo leave the office]
Stryke: What about ANT?
MoJoJoJo: You’re right. There are entirely too many GADs to go missing for ANT not to know anything.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo corner ANT in one of the forums]
Stryke: OK ANT, what’s going on?
ANT: Pardon? What do you mean?
Stryke: C’mon ANT. The missing GADs, who behind them?
ANT: I don’t know, I told you, I’m never on these forums anymore.
Stryke: Look ANT…
MoJoJoJo: I’ve had enough of this. Look ANT, I’ve got a BAN button here, and its got your name on it.
Stryke: Tell him ANT!
ANT: Okay, okay. I don’t know everything about everything, but I know a little about a few things.
Stryke: Your place on the top posters list, all gone!
MoJoJoJo: I’m listening…
ANT: Okay, there’s this guy, he’s posting all over the place, more than me, apparently he’s got something to do with it.
Stryke: There’s gotta be more, tell him ANT
MoJoJoJo: Who is he?
ANT: I can’t tell you, but I can get you his ID, I’ve got it here somewhere.
Stryke: More ANT, don’t get BANNED!
MoJoJoJo: You’d do that for us?
ANT: Sure I’d do it for you guys.
MoJoJoJo: OK.
ANT: What, now?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah. Go on. We’ll wait.
[SR Towers]
Loki: So, I was checking out that ID, one Hercules, been posting an awful lot recently. Anyway, I checked his details, came up with something interesting.
Snuggly: Oh yeah?
Loki: Yeah.
Snuggly: ……so, are you gonna tell me?
Loki: Oh, sorry. My bad! Yeah, he’s got the same contact address as Schroeder!
Stryke: We’ve found our rat!
[Schroeder is brought in to the room]
MoJoJoJo: Okay, no excuses, just tell us where we can find Hercules.
Schroeder: I don’t know where he is. When I want to contact him I just go to the SR Site Bugs Forum.
Stryke: Lets roll! [Everyone looks at him] Hey, I’ve always wanted to say that.
[In the Site Bugs Forum, Stryke is phoning Snuggly back in SR Towers]
Stryke: We need to know which topic he’s in Snuggly. Can’t you triangulate his position using some nifty technology or something.
Snuggly: Who the hell do you think I am?
MoJoJoJo: I tell you what, I bet he’s in the old “I’ve found a cheat topic”
Stryke: Lets roll!
[MoJoJoJo just looks at him and shakes his head]
[Back in SR Towers]
Snuggly, on the phone: Okay. I’m calling in a favour, I need everything, Staff Members, Notables, we’re calling all cards baby. Except….I don’t know which topic I need them in!
[SR Site Bugs Forum, Hercules is completing his dastardly deed, while Trish is locked in the topic, being made to read stupid posts by JATs and Newbies]
Hercules: There you go, two years supply of GADs as promised.
Leader of crummy high street store: Aha, now I will finally be able to compete against SR and their great value for money! Muahahaha!
Hercules: Whatever, just give me my money.
LoCHSS: There you go £100,000, as promised.
Trish: You’re a monster Hercules.
Hercules: Yeah, but at least I’ll be rich! Muahahahaha. Hmm, doesn’t suit me does it?
Trish: Na.
[Outside the Topic]
Stryke: I don’t know MoJoJoJo, there’s a lot of newbies in there. Are you sure we can take all of them? I mean even Kit Fisto might have a problem!
MoJoJoJo: Don’t worry. My plan always works sometimes!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo charge into the topic, firing off witty comments and well constructed sentences in all directions. The JAT’s and Newbies can’t take it and flee from the scene in their hundreds.]
Hercules: It’s a trap, you set me up. [Presses his BAN button]
LoCHSS: Um….not really bothered, I don’t *want* to stay here. Idiot.
Hercules: Oh yeah, oh well.
[Hercules gets into the conveniently placed fast car that LoCHSS has left nearby]
[Stryke and Trish, who has somehow escaped, pull up in a mint car]
Trish: Get in MoJoJoJo, Hercules is getting away.
MoJoJoJo: How are you gonna leave me here to face these newbies while you go and get a car. Hang on, we’re in a chat forum, what are you doing in a car anyway.
The_GingerLord: Look, I’m writing this! The film ends in a car chase, and I couldn’t come up with anything better. OK?
MoJoJoJo: OK.
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, will you get in the funning car.
MoJoJoJo: OK, go go!
[The two cars go charging along at a ridiculous speed towards a conveniently placed concrete wall, with a gap, surprisingly only large enough for one of the cars]
MoJoJoJo: Its gonna be him or us baby, him or us. This is a faster car, this is a goddamn faster car.
Trish: You have *got* to let him drive! And why are you talking in a stupid accent?
[Stryke bashes Hercules’ car out of the way, flies through the gap in the concrete wall, and manages to break from over 100mph to 0 in about 10 feet.]
[They stand over Hercules, who has crawled from the wreckage, just as the Staff and Notables turn up to recapture the GADs]
MoJoJoJo: It’s over Hercules. Take him away [to no-one in particular]
[Hercules takes out his secret BAN button. MoJoJoJo hears the click and spins round, pulling out his own BAN button, BANNING Hercules ten times.]
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, did I ever tell you I love you man?
MoJoJoJo: No.
Stryke: That’s cos I’m not gay. Don’t listen to them, OK?
Trish: Wait a minute, your not MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: Nope, he’s MoJoJoJo. [Takes handcuffs from nowhere in particular and handcuffs them together] You wanted MoJoJoJo, there he is. MO-JoJoJo! I’m off to listen to some Counting Crows.
MoJoJoJo: Hey Snuggly, you got keys for these?
Snuggly: Who do you think I am?
[Music fades in – GAD Boys, GAD Boys, what ya gonna do….]
Hope you enjoyed this.
GL
---------------------------
Well done for getting this far. Hope I didn't offend anyone!
MoJoJoJo: Look, I don’t care what you say, I don’t think Counting Crows are that good. Let’s just leave it at that.
[Some N00Bies enter, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are too involved in their conversation to notice]
Stryke: How can you say that, Counting Crows rule, almost as much as Tenacious D.
MoJoJoJo: OK. Too far. Counting Crows are nowhere near The D
N00Bie1: Wat is u tlking about like?
N00Bie2: Yeah, wat is The D, innit?
N00Bie1: U is sad, u is m8!
Stryke to MoJoJoJo: I’m not getting this. Do you just attract newbies?
MoJoJoJo: What? If you hadn’t been going on about the Counting Crows we wouldn’t be in this mess.
N00Bie1: oi, nuffin wrong wit N00Bies. Does u like da Xbox btw?
Stryke: Hold on. This is intense stuff here. Me and dis brother, we’re not bonding here, OK?
MoJoJoJo: Why are you talking in that stupid voice?
Stryke: I don’t know, seemed right thing to do. Anyway, with regard to the post-September 11th economic climate, when do you think we can begin to see a positive inclination in the….
[N00Bies get scared of the intellectual conversation and go in search of easier prey]
[Stryke enters the FOG Prime Forum]
MoJoJoJo: Hi Stryke, how you doing?
Stryke: Fine thanks, you?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah cool…
[Phone begins to ring]
Stryke: Where did that come from? Oh well, hello? It’s for you.
MoJoJoJo: Hello? Oh hi Snuggly. Pard..no..um..I think you mean get down here now, please. [Phone can be heard slamming down] Maybe not!
[SR Towers, Snuggly walks Stryke and MoJoJoJo into the stock room]
Snuggly: OK boys, what’s wrong with this picture. [Stryke and MoJoJoJo look round the empty room]. Remember this room, remember these piles of boxes, with GAD wins in them, all ready for the SR forum users.
Stryke: That was the most GADs SR had ever given away.
Snuggly: Gone, all gone.
MoJoJoJo: How?
Snuggly: We think through there. [Points to a wide open door at the end of the stock room]
Stryke: So they put this in for toxic GAD fumes, I like this idea, very clever!
Snuggly: OK. Politics, and my job description, demand someone takes the rap for this, and its gonna be me. I’m always putting my job on the line for you guys, now you gotta do it for me. Uh oh…
[Tony walks into the room]
Tony: Very nice Snuggly, all that stock gone. All those profits wasted. I told you GAD was a bad idea, too much profit thrown away. Just wait till the members get wind of this.
Snuggly: That’s not gonna happen. We’re gonna get the GADs back.
Tony: Well why don’t you start by looking on the inside, this had to be an inside job.
[Tony walks off]
Snuggly: OK guys, what are you waiting for!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
Stryke: OK Ant, what do you know about all these GADs going missing.
Ant: I don’t know anything.
MoJoJoJo: Oh come on Ant, you’re always in these forums, you must have heard something?
Ant: I don’t know nothing. I don’t come in these forums much anymore. I…
Stryke: Oh come on Ant, you just passed 1million words, talk.
Ant: You want me to talk? OK. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….
MoJoJoJo: This is a waste of time, lets get out of here.
[They enter Life, Universe and Everything]
MoJoJoJo: I’m telling you man, if its an inside job, Mystique will know about it, she knows the staff! – Hey Mystique!
Mystique: Hi MoJoJoJo
MoJoJoJo: Um, is there somewhere we can talk?
Mystique: Yeah sure, follow me,
MoJoJoJo to Stryke: Behave yourself!
[Stryke proceeds not behave and get into a comedy incident involving a carrot and Goatboy]
MoJoJoJo: Look, there’s a problem at SR Towers, there’s gonna be a lot of people with a lot of new films and games. I’m not asking you to get into any trouble, just keep your eyes open.
Mystique: Sure MoJoJoJo. Anything for *you*!
[Outside a non-descript hotel]
Trish: A movie party, that’s gonna rock! So what is this in aid of.
Mystique: It’s a favour for a friend, who I’m not in love with.
Trish: That’s not MoJoJoJo, is it?
Mystique: Actually yes. He’s my best friend, and if I was ever in trouble…
Trish: Yeah, yeah, he’s the only one you’d call.
[They enter the hotel]
N00b1: Ah Mystique, Trish, welcum 2 my Movie Party!
Mystique: Where did you get all these new films from?
N00b1: Um…err…I won em. Yeah!
Trish whispers to Mystique: This sucks, lets get out of here.
Mystique: But he’s got Ocean’s Eleven!
Trish: Didn’t like it. [To N00B1] Where’s the bathroom?
N00B1: Upstairs on the left. Watch your step, [sniggers for no discernable reason]
[Hercules and Sonic Rav enter the hotel]
Sonic: I should have told you about the Movie Party earlier.
Hercules: Damn N00Bies. Why couldn’t I convince any of those regulars to join my evil plan? Anyway, N00B1, what do you think you’re doing?
N00B1: [Visibly scared] Just a littL parT, a few frNds, th@s all.
[Hercules sees the pile of DVD’s] It looks like I’m financing this party.
N00B1: It was R hit man!
Hercules: Too late [Hits BAN button]
[N00B1 gets banned instantly]
Hercules: Wow, it worked! Cool! Now for you Mystique…
[Hits BAN button again, banning Mystique]
[Trish sees Mystique get banned] Oh my God.
Sonic Rav: There’s someone up there!
Hercules: Don’t worry, I’ll just BAN her!
[Hercules tries to hit the BAN button, but it’s jammed]
Hercules: Goddamnit! Stoopid BAN button!
[Trish gets away easily because no-one can be bothered to chase her]
[Later that evening, Stryke and MoJoJoJo enter FOG]
[Stryke sees a topic where Mystique has been banned] Oh no. MoJoJoJo you might want to have a look at this.
MoJoJoJo: Oh no.
Stryke: Look man, we’ll get this guy.
MoJoJoJo: Yeah, look Mystique was involved in a couple of threads over in Life, I’m gonna go check them out.
Stryke: You want me to come too?
MoJoJoJo: Na, I’ve got this.
[Life, The Universe and Everything forum, MoJoJoJo enters]
MoJoJoJo: Hello, anyone here?
[Wanders around, but the forum is empty. Then a couple of N00bies charge in]
MoJoJoJo: No. Not in here. You can’t ruin this foru….
[MoJoJoJo is SPAMMED into submission]
[SR Towers, Stryke is with Snuggly]
Snuggly: Where’s MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: He went to go and check out a lead in Life.
Snuggly: Oh God, there has been loads of newbie activity in there recently.
[Then the phone rings, conveniently]
Snuggly: Where did that phone come from? Oh well. Hello. No MoJoJoJo isn’t here at the moment. Is this another call about that incident with the potato, cos we’re letting him off for that?
Trish: No it’s about an unauthorised banning you idiot.
Snuggly: You wouldn’t be talking about the banning of Mystique would you?
Trish: I’m not talking to anyone apart from MoJoJoJo.
Snuggly: Why not, there’s another regular here who can…
Trish: Put MoJoJoJo on this phone.
Snuggly: Talk to her now.
Stryke: I haven’t got time for this now
Snuggly: Pretend to be MoJoJoJo now, or I’ll BAN you!
Stryke: How can I pretend to be MoJoJoJo?
Snuggly: You’re on a phone, how is she gonna know!
[Hilarious scene follows as Stryke pretends to be MoJoJoJo and gets her address]
[Trish and Mystique’s Place]
[Stryke stands outside the door]
Stryke: I’m MoJoJoJo. [Coughs] I’m MO JoJoJO. What a stupid name. Why couldn’t he have something I could say and sound cool like Mike Lowry. I can hardly even say this.
[Knocks on the door]
Trish: Who is it?
Stryke: I’m Mo Jo Jo Jo.
Trish: Prove it.
Stryke: Um. How?
Trish: Good point. [Open’s door, then proceeds to attack Stryke with a baseball bat anyway. After a struggle Stryke manages to convince her he is MoJoJoJo, when of course he isn’t, but then….N00B1es burst in, throwing SPAM everywhere]
Stryke: Wait a minute, they can’t spam in here, this isn’t a forum, it’s a house.
Trish: They’re not SPAMMING they’re throwing spam. OW!
[Stryke and Trish, under cover of some well aimed bananas thrown by Stryke manage to escape]
Trish: OK what’s going on?
Stryke: Look, too long to explain, I’ve got to get you to SR Towers.
Trish: No way, I’m not going there, one of those guys had banning powers back at the hotel, he could be a SR Staff Member.
Stryke: No way. So where would you feel safe?
Trish: Lets do your house.
Stryke: What, no way, how about the Sport forum, its full of football fans at the moment, you’ll be safe there? [Stryke thinks about how dumb that sounded for a second, but Trish doesn’t argue, so he doesn’t say anymore]
[Stryke drops Trish off at the Sport forum after a comedy conversation with the doorman Ortega]
[SR Towers, Stryke and MoJoJoJo walk into Snuggly’s office. MoJoJoJo is still shaken after his spamming attack the night before]
Snuggly: HELLO! Did you *hear* what I said? I heard what I said cos I was there when I said it. I said go and get the witness, not get SPAM everywhere.
Stryke: It wasn’t SPAM, it was spam. Real spam…oh never mind.
Snuggly: Never mind. Where’s the girl now?
Stryke: She’s in Sport.
Snuggly: What? You left an undefended witness in THAT forum? Do you want to mess up this case?
MoJoJoJo: Hello, can I know what’s going on here?
Snuggly: Sure. Stryke here is pretending to be you while we get this user to id the people that BANNED Mystique, its not that hard really.
MoJoJoJo: OK. No need to be so sarcastic. Anyway, what am I supposed to do while Stryke is being me, what am I the designated homeless or something?
Snuggly: No, you just can’t go in Sport. Get over it.
[Sport Forum]
Stryke: OK Trish, can you remember the user ID’s of the people in the forum that night?
Trish: I’m not sure. I missed a lot of the posts, I was in the bathroom. I didn’t see who banned Mystique, but I’m pretty sure Sonic Rav was there.
Stryke: Really? The plot thickens….
[Sony Forum]
Stryke: OK, lets go in here and get Sonic Rav, Snuggly says he spends most of his time in there. And lets try and get in and out without any attacks on SPAMMING N00Bies this time.
MoJoJoJo: Hey, you’re the one who always gets into arguments, the last N00bie attacks belong to you if I’m not wrong!
Stryke: OK, Rav is in there somewhere, and we are out here arguing. Lets just do this.
MoJoJoJo: OK!
[Within minutes of confronting Sonic Rav, Stryke and MoJoJoJo are under attack from all the newbies angered at the attack on “their” Notable]
Stryke: This is great, now *we’re* getting attacked *by* Sonic Rav!
MoJoJoJo: Well what do you suggest we do.
Stryke: BAN them?
MoJoJoJo: How?
Stryke: With this handy BAN button Snuggly gave me!
MoJoJoJo: Cool!
[All the N00Bies are soon gone]
MoJoJoJo: You idiot, you banned Sonic Rav too! Now how are we gonna find out where the GADs are?
Stryke: OK, OK. Lets go talk to Trish again.
[Back in Sport Forum]
MoJoJoJo: So where is she?
Stryke: I don’t know. Ortega, where did Trish go?
Ortega: Oh, a load of N00bies came in to celebrate England’s win, they saw her and a couple of minutes later she got BANNED.
MoJoJoJo: Great, now we have nothing.
[Back at SR Towers]
Snuggly: What are you guys doing? First you BAN our only lead, then you lose our witness.
Stryke: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Snuggly: Oh, you will be.
[Tony enters the room]
Tony: So, no GADs back yet. No suspects. No nothing, least of all no profits! I finally got the authority to close GAD down. You’re gonna be re-assigned! [Walks out]
Snuggly: Right. I’m being backed into a corner here.
MoJoJoJo: No you’re not, you’re behind your desk.
Snuggly: Shut up. Right, we have 24 hours to get these GADs back. Time to get lucky.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo leave the office]
Stryke: What about ANT?
MoJoJoJo: You’re right. There are entirely too many GADs to go missing for ANT not to know anything.
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo corner ANT in one of the forums]
Stryke: OK ANT, what’s going on?
ANT: Pardon? What do you mean?
Stryke: C’mon ANT. The missing GADs, who behind them?
ANT: I don’t know, I told you, I’m never on these forums anymore.
Stryke: Look ANT…
MoJoJoJo: I’ve had enough of this. Look ANT, I’ve got a BAN button here, and its got your name on it.
Stryke: Tell him ANT!
ANT: Okay, okay. I don’t know everything about everything, but I know a little about a few things.
Stryke: Your place on the top posters list, all gone!
MoJoJoJo: I’m listening…
ANT: Okay, there’s this guy, he’s posting all over the place, more than me, apparently he’s got something to do with it.
Stryke: There’s gotta be more, tell him ANT
MoJoJoJo: Who is he?
ANT: I can’t tell you, but I can get you his ID, I’ve got it here somewhere.
Stryke: More ANT, don’t get BANNED!
MoJoJoJo: You’d do that for us?
ANT: Sure I’d do it for you guys.
MoJoJoJo: OK.
ANT: What, now?
MoJoJoJo: Yeah. Go on. We’ll wait.
[SR Towers]
Loki: So, I was checking out that ID, one Hercules, been posting an awful lot recently. Anyway, I checked his details, came up with something interesting.
Snuggly: Oh yeah?
Loki: Yeah.
Snuggly: ……so, are you gonna tell me?
Loki: Oh, sorry. My bad! Yeah, he’s got the same contact address as Schroeder!
Stryke: We’ve found our rat!
[Schroeder is brought in to the room]
MoJoJoJo: Okay, no excuses, just tell us where we can find Hercules.
Schroeder: I don’t know where he is. When I want to contact him I just go to the SR Site Bugs Forum.
Stryke: Lets roll! [Everyone looks at him] Hey, I’ve always wanted to say that.
[In the Site Bugs Forum, Stryke is phoning Snuggly back in SR Towers]
Stryke: We need to know which topic he’s in Snuggly. Can’t you triangulate his position using some nifty technology or something.
Snuggly: Who the hell do you think I am?
MoJoJoJo: I tell you what, I bet he’s in the old “I’ve found a cheat topic”
Stryke: Lets roll!
[MoJoJoJo just looks at him and shakes his head]
[Back in SR Towers]
Snuggly, on the phone: Okay. I’m calling in a favour, I need everything, Staff Members, Notables, we’re calling all cards baby. Except….I don’t know which topic I need them in!
[SR Site Bugs Forum, Hercules is completing his dastardly deed, while Trish is locked in the topic, being made to read stupid posts by JATs and Newbies]
Hercules: There you go, two years supply of GADs as promised.
Leader of crummy high street store: Aha, now I will finally be able to compete against SR and their great value for money! Muahahaha!
Hercules: Whatever, just give me my money.
LoCHSS: There you go £100,000, as promised.
Trish: You’re a monster Hercules.
Hercules: Yeah, but at least I’ll be rich! Muahahahaha. Hmm, doesn’t suit me does it?
Trish: Na.
[Outside the Topic]
Stryke: I don’t know MoJoJoJo, there’s a lot of newbies in there. Are you sure we can take all of them? I mean even Kit Fisto might have a problem!
MoJoJoJo: Don’t worry. My plan always works sometimes!
[Stryke and MoJoJoJo charge into the topic, firing off witty comments and well constructed sentences in all directions. The JAT’s and Newbies can’t take it and flee from the scene in their hundreds.]
Hercules: It’s a trap, you set me up. [Presses his BAN button]
LoCHSS: Um….not really bothered, I don’t *want* to stay here. Idiot.
Hercules: Oh yeah, oh well.
[Hercules gets into the conveniently placed fast car that LoCHSS has left nearby]
[Stryke and Trish, who has somehow escaped, pull up in a mint car]
Trish: Get in MoJoJoJo, Hercules is getting away.
MoJoJoJo: How are you gonna leave me here to face these newbies while you go and get a car. Hang on, we’re in a chat forum, what are you doing in a car anyway.
The_GingerLord: Look, I’m writing this! The film ends in a car chase, and I couldn’t come up with anything better. OK?
MoJoJoJo: OK.
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, will you get in the funning car.
MoJoJoJo: OK, go go!
[The two cars go charging along at a ridiculous speed towards a conveniently placed concrete wall, with a gap, surprisingly only large enough for one of the cars]
MoJoJoJo: Its gonna be him or us baby, him or us. This is a faster car, this is a goddamn faster car.
Trish: You have *got* to let him drive! And why are you talking in a stupid accent?
[Stryke bashes Hercules’ car out of the way, flies through the gap in the concrete wall, and manages to break from over 100mph to 0 in about 10 feet.]
[They stand over Hercules, who has crawled from the wreckage, just as the Staff and Notables turn up to recapture the GADs]
MoJoJoJo: It’s over Hercules. Take him away [to no-one in particular]
[Hercules takes out his secret BAN button. MoJoJoJo hears the click and spins round, pulling out his own BAN button, BANNING Hercules ten times.]
Stryke: MoJoJoJo, did I ever tell you I love you man?
MoJoJoJo: No.
Stryke: That’s cos I’m not gay. Don’t listen to them, OK?
Trish: Wait a minute, your not MoJoJoJo?
Stryke: Nope, he’s MoJoJoJo. [Takes handcuffs from nowhere in particular and handcuffs them together] You wanted MoJoJoJo, there he is. MO-JoJoJo! I’m off to listen to some Counting Crows.
MoJoJoJo: Hey Snuggly, you got keys for these?
Snuggly: Who do you think I am?
[Music fades in – GAD Boys, GAD Boys, what ya gonna do….]
Hope you enjoyed this.
GL
---------------------------
Well done for getting this far. Hope I didn't offend anyone!