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The Television commission has issued a sever reprimand to Channel 4 after a scheduling mishap resulted in the largest recorded incidence of fatalities arising from a TV show. 2000 E4 viewers suffered fatal brain plasmosis and over 5000 were left in a permanent vegetative state after Channel 4 accidently showed an episode of "Brasseye" in the middle of Big Brother. The sudden change from mindless voyeurism to acute satire proved too much for many viewer's brains to handle and they were fatally overclocked resulting in death for a large number.
The blunder has been squarely blamed on E4 computer manager Mr. Kipling who foolishly allowed an untrained monkey to operate the schedules while he went to the toilet. Left alone the monkey made an executive decision to switch off the tedium of the Big Brother housemates and instead sample the joys of "Brasseye". When Kipling returned he was unable to correct the error after the monkey became violent and threatened to eat his dinner. Kipling was understandably distraught that his actions had wrought such havoc on the lives of so many, but pleaded that he did make "exceedingly" good cakes, which many agreed merited giving him a second chance.
Top scientists have revealed the scientific reasons behind the catastrophe stating that "mindless mental chewing gum TV" such as Big Brother uses a completely different area of the brain from "multi-faceted satire" such as "Brasseye". The upshot is that a sudden switch between the two can lead to a turning effect on the brain as electrical impulses move suddenly from one side to the other, tipping the brain over and uprooting the brain stem in extreme cases. To back up their theory scientists launched tests on 100 paraplegics, where a sudden switch between Thomas the Tank Engine and a Stephen Hawkins Documentary on the amount of cheese in the Universe, was found to result in complete paralysis in 99% of cases. However, one paraplegic was found to have been faking it the whole time and was duly given permanent paralysis drugs in the interests of a fair test.
The Big Brother incident recalls memories of a similar event that occured at last year's Reading Festival. When the band Sum 41 were directly followed by Tool, hundreds of festival-goers proved unable to make the necessary shift in brain usage to cope with the switch between dumb pop-punk and clever art-metal and became clinically insane. This incident was not directly attributed to the current theory, however, as Marilyn Manson's presence at the same festival meant that parents nominated him as chief cause of the incident.
Television pundits have meanwhile advised viewers to remain vigilant and, if worried, to way down one side of their head by attaching a sack of potatoes to any ear piercings, and so negate the effects of the brain de-balancing. Channel 4 bosses expressed their sympathy to the families of those who were killed watching Big Brother, but hastened to remind them that in future only trained monkeys would be left alone in the TV studios.
One bereaved parent commented that she was "glad they haven't like cancelled Big Brother y'know, 'cos that's not what our Julie would of like wanted, because, y'know, that Alex is dead fit like isn't he?"
So remember Big Brother fans, stay safe, stay balanced: after prolonged periods of BB-ing make sure you allow your electrical impulses to balance slowly.
The blunder has been squarely blamed on E4 computer manager Mr. Kipling who foolishly allowed an untrained monkey to operate the schedules while he went to the toilet. Left alone the monkey made an executive decision to switch off the tedium of the Big Brother housemates and instead sample the joys of "Brasseye". When Kipling returned he was unable to correct the error after the monkey became violent and threatened to eat his dinner. Kipling was understandably distraught that his actions had wrought such havoc on the lives of so many, but pleaded that he did make "exceedingly" good cakes, which many agreed merited giving him a second chance.
Top scientists have revealed the scientific reasons behind the catastrophe stating that "mindless mental chewing gum TV" such as Big Brother uses a completely different area of the brain from "multi-faceted satire" such as "Brasseye". The upshot is that a sudden switch between the two can lead to a turning effect on the brain as electrical impulses move suddenly from one side to the other, tipping the brain over and uprooting the brain stem in extreme cases. To back up their theory scientists launched tests on 100 paraplegics, where a sudden switch between Thomas the Tank Engine and a Stephen Hawkins Documentary on the amount of cheese in the Universe, was found to result in complete paralysis in 99% of cases. However, one paraplegic was found to have been faking it the whole time and was duly given permanent paralysis drugs in the interests of a fair test.
The Big Brother incident recalls memories of a similar event that occured at last year's Reading Festival. When the band Sum 41 were directly followed by Tool, hundreds of festival-goers proved unable to make the necessary shift in brain usage to cope with the switch between dumb pop-punk and clever art-metal and became clinically insane. This incident was not directly attributed to the current theory, however, as Marilyn Manson's presence at the same festival meant that parents nominated him as chief cause of the incident.
Television pundits have meanwhile advised viewers to remain vigilant and, if worried, to way down one side of their head by attaching a sack of potatoes to any ear piercings, and so negate the effects of the brain de-balancing. Channel 4 bosses expressed their sympathy to the families of those who were killed watching Big Brother, but hastened to remind them that in future only trained monkeys would be left alone in the TV studios.
One bereaved parent commented that she was "glad they haven't like cancelled Big Brother y'know, 'cos that's not what our Julie would of like wanted, because, y'know, that Alex is dead fit like isn't he?"
So remember Big Brother fans, stay safe, stay balanced: after prolonged periods of BB-ing make sure you allow your electrical impulses to balance slowly.
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Congratulations - a well deserved win. :)
:0D
Excellent.
Heh, that was very good.
It's one of those moments that actually deserves a lol.
It's one of those moments that actually deserves a lol.
aninem wrote:
> what about the real tradegy.
> Sandys gone, and quess how, he climbed over the roof
*holds head in hands*
> what about the real tradegy.
> Sandys gone, and quess how, he climbed over the roof
*holds head in hands*
Awards for this topic-
Best Topic Of Day
Funniest Topic of Day
Topic that made fun of BB the most.
Best Spelt topic of the day
The Monkey Butt Award for outstanding acheivement in writing topics.
Best Topic Of Day
Funniest Topic of Day
Topic that made fun of BB the most.
Best Spelt topic of the day
The Monkey Butt Award for outstanding acheivement in writing topics.
"way down one side of their head by attaching a sack of potatoes to any ear piercings, and so negate the effects of the brain de-balancing."
genius logic, love it
genius logic, love it
I can't describe in words how much that made me laugh, 55656888
Good post mate, good post
Brilliant!
LMAO!
LMAO!
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