The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Fire Sword
Chapter One
Landril was walking slowly through Haun Wood at a little past midday. He’d been out hunting since dawn and was tired. Haun Wood was a bountiful hunting ground with Deer, Rabbit, Foxes and Pheasants a plenty. Landril Jalko was a huntsman and a warrior for his village. Landril was twenty-four years of age and a fearsome man. He had broad shoulders, big muscles and long brown hair. Landril walked as though he was scared of no one. His trusty blade hung heavy by his side and a Mahogany bow was slung over his back. Tattoos were all over his upper body. War stories were told in the pictures, each telling of a different battle. He wore no armour, just a shran on his lower body. A shran is the local dress for a warrior and it was basically just a piece of fabric wrapped over and over. On his feet were heavy leather boots clad with iron.
He had been walking through Haun Wood for a good couple of miles until he began to see an opening in front of him. Landril stepped out into glorious sunshine. In front of him the ground sloped away down towards his home village of Clania. Clania was a fairly small village with only about five hundred Claninians living there. The slope in front of Landril was gentle and was covered in thick green grass. It was soft to walk on and two children from the village were playing there. “Landril, Landril” a voice shouted. Then two young Claninian boys came running up to the warrior. “Landril did you catch anything?” “Did you slit any animals throats?” they cried. “What are you two doing here alone?” bellowed Landril. “Erm sorry sir, we were only playing” one of the boys replied. “Follow me back to the village, your mother wouldn’t be too pleased if she heard you were playing this close to Haun Wood” Landril commanded. The two boys, now looking a little sheepish, followed the warrior down the slope towards the village. “Look” one of the boys whispered to the other. “Look at that on his back! It’s a Fox. A mean looking Fox. Mr. Landril must’ve bashed him good, Bam!” “Shhhh you’ll get us into trouble” the other boy said in reply. Landril looked round and snarled at the boys. That soon shut them up and they didn’t say a word.
In no time the three were back to the village. It was now about two hours past midday and Landril needed to rest. Firstly he dropped off the two children at their mother’s house, much to her horror that they were playing on Haun Hill near Haun Wood. Then Landril Jalko trundled slowly through the muddy streets of his home village to the northern end where his home was. Landril’s home was small dank and made of wood. It was dark inside and was set out around a small fire in the middle. He cooked on this open fire and slept at the back of the hut at night so the smoke from the fire didn’t get him on its way out of the door. Landril lived alone but near him were his friends. Kren, Landril’s best friend, was also a warrior. They had fought in many battles together and had grown up together like brothers. Kren was fierce but slightly smaller and weaker than Landril. For this reason Landril felt responsible fro looking out for him, whenever they were in a battle. Paulia lived across the path from Landril. Paulia also fought in battle with Kren and Landril but she wasn’t a warrior. She was a sorceress and used magic to attack and defend allies. Paulia was a beautiful woman. She was tall and had flowing brown hair. To look at her you wouldn’t have thought that she’d been in so many battles over the years as her presentation was perfect. With his friends around him Landril led a pleasant life, for the time being.
That night, as the stars were shining brightly in the cold, dark clear night sky, Landril felt a sense of unrest in the air. Like something, somewhere was happening. Landril couldn’t pin point but was sure something was up. He slipped away into his hut, draping a cloth over the doorway as he went.
Chapter One
Landril was walking slowly through Haun Wood at a little past midday. He’d been out hunting since dawn and was tired. Haun Wood was a bountiful hunting ground with Deer, Rabbit, Foxes and Pheasants a plenty. Landril Jalko was a huntsman and a warrior for his village. Landril was twenty-four years of age and a fearsome man. He had broad shoulders, big muscles and long brown hair. Landril walked as though he was scared of no one. His trusty blade hung heavy by his side and a Mahogany bow was slung over his back. Tattoos were all over his upper body. War stories were told in the pictures, each telling of a different battle. He wore no armour, just a shran on his lower body. A shran is the local dress for a warrior and it was basically just a piece of fabric wrapped over and over. On his feet were heavy leather boots clad with iron.
He had been walking through Haun Wood for a good couple of miles until he began to see an opening in front of him. Landril stepped out into glorious sunshine. In front of him the ground sloped away down towards his home village of Clania. Clania was a fairly small village with only about five hundred Claninians living there. The slope in front of Landril was gentle and was covered in thick green grass. It was soft to walk on and two children from the village were playing there. “Landril, Landril” a voice shouted. Then two young Claninian boys came running up to the warrior. “Landril did you catch anything?” “Did you slit any animals throats?” they cried. “What are you two doing here alone?” bellowed Landril. “Erm sorry sir, we were only playing” one of the boys replied. “Follow me back to the village, your mother wouldn’t be too pleased if she heard you were playing this close to Haun Wood” Landril commanded. The two boys, now looking a little sheepish, followed the warrior down the slope towards the village. “Look” one of the boys whispered to the other. “Look at that on his back! It’s a Fox. A mean looking Fox. Mr. Landril must’ve bashed him good, Bam!” “Shhhh you’ll get us into trouble” the other boy said in reply. Landril looked round and snarled at the boys. That soon shut them up and they didn’t say a word.
In no time the three were back to the village. It was now about two hours past midday and Landril needed to rest. Firstly he dropped off the two children at their mother’s house, much to her horror that they were playing on Haun Hill near Haun Wood. Then Landril Jalko trundled slowly through the muddy streets of his home village to the northern end where his home was. Landril’s home was small dank and made of wood. It was dark inside and was set out around a small fire in the middle. He cooked on this open fire and slept at the back of the hut at night so the smoke from the fire didn’t get him on its way out of the door. Landril lived alone but near him were his friends. Kren, Landril’s best friend, was also a warrior. They had fought in many battles together and had grown up together like brothers. Kren was fierce but slightly smaller and weaker than Landril. For this reason Landril felt responsible fro looking out for him, whenever they were in a battle. Paulia lived across the path from Landril. Paulia also fought in battle with Kren and Landril but she wasn’t a warrior. She was a sorceress and used magic to attack and defend allies. Paulia was a beautiful woman. She was tall and had flowing brown hair. To look at her you wouldn’t have thought that she’d been in so many battles over the years as her presentation was perfect. With his friends around him Landril led a pleasant life, for the time being.
That night, as the stars were shining brightly in the cold, dark clear night sky, Landril felt a sense of unrest in the air. Like something, somewhere was happening. Landril couldn’t pin point but was sure something was up. He slipped away into his hut, draping a cloth over the doorway as he went.
no i cant. i noticed that when i wrote 'thanks for the critisism'
Ok, next time I'll keep my thoughts to myself, sorry you can't take them. :0)
yeah ok, but how patronising was
'All good experience '
'All good experience '
Mr. Chainsaw wrote:
> thanks for the critism. I didnt write about any Jeff guy in it
> though, but i couldnt find any other way of saying He did something
> etc. Have you ever read any books with characters in them? Take Lord
> of the Rings. Have you read that? That has people in it and Tolkien
> says 'he did this, he did that' etc. so i dont see what your getting
> at grix
Its the easiest way to put across something so people can understand it its all part of story telling the prblem is if you over do the he did this that and the other
> thanks for the critism. I didnt write about any Jeff guy in it
> though, but i couldnt find any other way of saying He did something
> etc. Have you ever read any books with characters in them? Take Lord
> of the Rings. Have you read that? That has people in it and Tolkien
> says 'he did this, he did that' etc. so i dont see what your getting
> at grix
Its the easiest way to put across something so people can understand it its all part of story telling the prblem is if you over do the he did this that and the other
thanks for the critism. I didnt write about any Jeff guy in it though, but i couldnt find any other way of saying He did something etc. Have you ever read any books with characters in them? Take Lord of the Rings. Have you read that? That has people in it and Tolkien says 'he did this, he did that' etc. so i dont see what your getting at grix
Interesting... not really fond of the "Jeff wore a hat Jeff is a cat Jeff swung a bat" thing, but seriously, keep writing, and you'll get better. I love to write, no matter what people really think... so keep going, yah? :0)
Cool though. All good experience to write stuff like this.
Cool though. All good experience to write stuff like this.
thanks. I dont know when it will be up next because i just write it when i feel like it. could be tommorow, could be next week :)
Good start, i look forward to reading the next couple of chapters :-)
Fire Sword
Chapter One
Landril was walking slowly through Haun Wood at a little past midday. He’d been out hunting since dawn and was tired. Haun Wood was a bountiful hunting ground with Deer, Rabbit, Foxes and Pheasants a plenty. Landril Jalko was a huntsman and a warrior for his village. Landril was twenty-four years of age and a fearsome man. He had broad shoulders, big muscles and long brown hair. Landril walked as though he was scared of no one. His trusty blade hung heavy by his side and a Mahogany bow was slung over his back. Tattoos were all over his upper body. War stories were told in the pictures, each telling of a different battle. He wore no armour, just a shran on his lower body. A shran is the local dress for a warrior and it was basically just a piece of fabric wrapped over and over. On his feet were heavy leather boots clad with iron.
He had been walking through Haun Wood for a good couple of miles until he began to see an opening in front of him. Landril stepped out into glorious sunshine. In front of him the ground sloped away down towards his home village of Clania. Clania was a fairly small village with only about five hundred Claninians living there. The slope in front of Landril was gentle and was covered in thick green grass. It was soft to walk on and two children from the village were playing there. “Landril, Landril” a voice shouted. Then two young Claninian boys came running up to the warrior. “Landril did you catch anything?” “Did you slit any animals throats?” they cried. “What are you two doing here alone?” bellowed Landril. “Erm sorry sir, we were only playing” one of the boys replied. “Follow me back to the village, your mother wouldn’t be too pleased if she heard you were playing this close to Haun Wood” Landril commanded. The two boys, now looking a little sheepish, followed the warrior down the slope towards the village. “Look” one of the boys whispered to the other. “Look at that on his back! It’s a Fox. A mean looking Fox. Mr. Landril must’ve bashed him good, Bam!” “Shhhh you’ll get us into trouble” the other boy said in reply. Landril looked round and snarled at the boys. That soon shut them up and they didn’t say a word.
In no time the three were back to the village. It was now about two hours past midday and Landril needed to rest. Firstly he dropped off the two children at their mother’s house, much to her horror that they were playing on Haun Hill near Haun Wood. Then Landril Jalko trundled slowly through the muddy streets of his home village to the northern end where his home was. Landril’s home was small dank and made of wood. It was dark inside and was set out around a small fire in the middle. He cooked on this open fire and slept at the back of the hut at night so the smoke from the fire didn’t get him on its way out of the door. Landril lived alone but near him were his friends. Kren, Landril’s best friend, was also a warrior. They had fought in many battles together and had grown up together like brothers. Kren was fierce but slightly smaller and weaker than Landril. For this reason Landril felt responsible fro looking out for him, whenever they were in a battle. Paulia lived across the path from Landril. Paulia also fought in battle with Kren and Landril but she wasn’t a warrior. She was a sorceress and used magic to attack and defend allies. Paulia was a beautiful woman. She was tall and had flowing brown hair. To look at her you wouldn’t have thought that she’d been in so many battles over the years as her presentation was perfect. With his friends around him Landril led a pleasant life, for the time being.
That night, as the stars were shining brightly in the cold, dark clear night sky, Landril felt a sense of unrest in the air. Like something, somewhere was happening. Landril couldn’t pin point but was sure something was up. He slipped away into his hut, draping a cloth over the doorway as he went.
Chapter One
Landril was walking slowly through Haun Wood at a little past midday. He’d been out hunting since dawn and was tired. Haun Wood was a bountiful hunting ground with Deer, Rabbit, Foxes and Pheasants a plenty. Landril Jalko was a huntsman and a warrior for his village. Landril was twenty-four years of age and a fearsome man. He had broad shoulders, big muscles and long brown hair. Landril walked as though he was scared of no one. His trusty blade hung heavy by his side and a Mahogany bow was slung over his back. Tattoos were all over his upper body. War stories were told in the pictures, each telling of a different battle. He wore no armour, just a shran on his lower body. A shran is the local dress for a warrior and it was basically just a piece of fabric wrapped over and over. On his feet were heavy leather boots clad with iron.
He had been walking through Haun Wood for a good couple of miles until he began to see an opening in front of him. Landril stepped out into glorious sunshine. In front of him the ground sloped away down towards his home village of Clania. Clania was a fairly small village with only about five hundred Claninians living there. The slope in front of Landril was gentle and was covered in thick green grass. It was soft to walk on and two children from the village were playing there. “Landril, Landril” a voice shouted. Then two young Claninian boys came running up to the warrior. “Landril did you catch anything?” “Did you slit any animals throats?” they cried. “What are you two doing here alone?” bellowed Landril. “Erm sorry sir, we were only playing” one of the boys replied. “Follow me back to the village, your mother wouldn’t be too pleased if she heard you were playing this close to Haun Wood” Landril commanded. The two boys, now looking a little sheepish, followed the warrior down the slope towards the village. “Look” one of the boys whispered to the other. “Look at that on his back! It’s a Fox. A mean looking Fox. Mr. Landril must’ve bashed him good, Bam!” “Shhhh you’ll get us into trouble” the other boy said in reply. Landril looked round and snarled at the boys. That soon shut them up and they didn’t say a word.
In no time the three were back to the village. It was now about two hours past midday and Landril needed to rest. Firstly he dropped off the two children at their mother’s house, much to her horror that they were playing on Haun Hill near Haun Wood. Then Landril Jalko trundled slowly through the muddy streets of his home village to the northern end where his home was. Landril’s home was small dank and made of wood. It was dark inside and was set out around a small fire in the middle. He cooked on this open fire and slept at the back of the hut at night so the smoke from the fire didn’t get him on its way out of the door. Landril lived alone but near him were his friends. Kren, Landril’s best friend, was also a warrior. They had fought in many battles together and had grown up together like brothers. Kren was fierce but slightly smaller and weaker than Landril. For this reason Landril felt responsible fro looking out for him, whenever they were in a battle. Paulia lived across the path from Landril. Paulia also fought in battle with Kren and Landril but she wasn’t a warrior. She was a sorceress and used magic to attack and defend allies. Paulia was a beautiful woman. She was tall and had flowing brown hair. To look at her you wouldn’t have thought that she’d been in so many battles over the years as her presentation was perfect. With his friends around him Landril led a pleasant life, for the time being.
That night, as the stars were shining brightly in the cold, dark clear night sky, Landril felt a sense of unrest in the air. Like something, somewhere was happening. Landril couldn’t pin point but was sure something was up. He slipped away into his hut, draping a cloth over the doorway as he went.