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I gave up something I loved today. It's not that I smoked, finally realised that's why I choked, sucking away on the ashes of life, to help me cope with my wear and strife. Amusing, eh?
Oh no, not at all. For when did a smoker stop smoking because it was killing THEM? No, there's only one thing that can stop that, and that's the care for others. For the others have to watch you die. Dying is nothing, compared to watching.
For take my hand and listen to me, for this can't be said as easily, for I mean, you see... there's something that means more to me than my lungs, my chest, my simple beating heart that, to be honest, I would hardly notice if it stopped...
No more beats for him sir! He's had them all, used them all up while he was stuck in his lift of life! Used them all as he was trying to work out all those tiny little pains he crossed through and had sucked out of him. You there! Ever notice your head was above the clouds? The smoke that echoed out, poured from your mouth though that beautiful drug you used to take? And once your heart stops beating, once you've faced your final heartbeat of constant thought, where does that leave you? Hey? Where does that leave you as you finally grow up and realise this life isn't for you, this life is for the others, so they can work out their differences and FORCE their way into the hearts of others, so THEIR hearts can beat for that few seconds longer, and the ones of which they steal can blow away! Break into pieces and explode in dismay! Because the heart only beats because you've not seen enough of the world to understand...
Can't take it any more? Why not sir? Beginning to cough? Beginning to look a little pale there?
How shallow of you. How low and horrible. Think you can cope with your drug? Ha! You're not like the rest, you'll look fabulous. YOU FOOL. But no, you NEEDED your mask, your little fag hanging out of the side of your mouth as you found your escape from the ONE true love that could have felt by your side as you drift away and find yourself. Find yourself indeed... you coward.
For there sits THAT boy. THAT boy. I'd have him shot. Disgusting. Does not, and no argument, does NOT deserve a true life.
And what of the man that lay before him? The cold dying man? He's got no more beats... oh, no, but he has.
He had that one last beat, didn't he? That one last dying heartbeat... the one he had when he saw YOU.
Because you're all that mattered to him... you were the one he could talk to. And with that singular heartbeat? What did he do? What did he waste it on? After living a life so long, so full, so wonderful? What did he waste that FINAL heartbeat on?
He took YOU in his hands. He SMILED at your face. He LOOKED into YOUR eyes.
AND YOU THREW IT BACK AT HIM.
The last heartbeat! The last simple pleasure, the last HOPE he could have had in his dying seconds! You took that from him with ease, and spat it out! You chewed it up in front of him and told him it tasted bitter. After the life of preparation! The life of wiseness paying off!
YOU
FAILED
HIM
Because YOU didn't smile back. You DIDN'T hold his hand, you DIDN'T give him that second of hope, and comfort, that the man that had those few seconds left, the LAST heartbeat of life... you should be shot. You should have your gullet ripped out, so the world can crowd around you, clap, and SPIT down on your pathetic body that didn't deserve to touch the ground of this fine Earth.
So I guess that's why you do this now huh? Still haven't forgiven yourself? I can't blame you, I can't see how anyone would.
And I am SO glad your heartbeated that so much faster. Taking all the beats that could have been over the life that the wonderful man had led... and letting them ALL beat so fast, so you had NOTHING. NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU DEARY! AND SERVES YOU RIGHT. Serves you right.
So what then? Try and suck heartbeats off others, won't you? Or HAVE you learnt your lesson yet?
But, I'd reply, but. I have. I have learnt, I promise you. I will never forgive myself, but I have no heartbeats left. They're all gone, like you said.
So I can't do much now. But I can smile, because, you know, I'm here. I don't deserve to be, but hey.
But for another love to come along... no. Not this time. I need it so much... not to give me my heart back, oh no... but because... I'm just so... oh come on, if I could put this into words, how special would it be?
YOU JUST CAN'T. You can't because it was never there. YOU made it ALL UP! Hahahaha! Just another gap to fill, eh? You were lonely! You needed the hug.
But you're wrong, no, so very wrong. I didn't need a hug. I was happy, I was fine, I was complete, and I didn't need love. I still don't need love, but I need her.
WHY! So you get back your motherfigure! The mum you never had as you cried yourself to sleep while they slept in the fields! Bruised from the bricks they had thrown! Oh... but you tell people you've forgot, and how you just 'can't remember'... but you do! FACE IT!
I can face it myself. I don't need others. I've told you. I don't need others to fill gaps, face things for me. Sure, they help, but I'm here. I don't have my heartbeats, and that's why I'm strong. They're all gone now. Every last one. For every kick that came, it shattered my heart, and now it's broken through. Pieces that cannot be glued together, but pieces that have been turned into insight. For all the heartbeats have not been beaten in vain.
YOU NEED TO BE LOVED!
No. That, my dear companion, is not true, and I can say that with the utmost confidence.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU NEED!
But still breathing... but there is one thing, I know dearly I need. But not today. Not today.
For today, I had to give up something I loved so dearly. It doesn't hurt me, because you see, there's no heart left to break. And as I softly smile because it's the only thing that doesn't need my heart... I can say, be happy with your hearts, your lifes, and for your sake, don't use them up too soon. Because as soon as that heart goes, you'll see. You'll see so clearly. And you'll end up like me, smiling softly at what you've seen... accepting only that everyday will just be the same. Every choice will only echo the past, and every forecast will be wrong... not because you think it, oh no... but because you'll love something so dearly, so beautifully, that you have to give it up.
And from then on, you will be fuelled for life. You can live without a heartbeat. Without hope. Without dreams. Without needs.
Nice post Grix. Excellent writing. Lovely. Fantastic.
Now look into my eyes and tell me you know me. Tell me that I have a life worth living.
Suicide? You misunderstand. I have no intention of killing myself. No. I'm going to live this life out. Because I deserve the pain.
Oh no, not at all. For when did a smoker stop smoking because it was killing THEM? No, there's only one thing that can stop that, and that's the care for others. For the others have to watch you die. Dying is nothing, compared to watching.
For take my hand and listen to me, for this can't be said as easily, for I mean, you see... there's something that means more to me than my lungs, my chest, my simple beating heart that, to be honest, I would hardly notice if it stopped...
No more beats for him sir! He's had them all, used them all up while he was stuck in his lift of life! Used them all as he was trying to work out all those tiny little pains he crossed through and had sucked out of him. You there! Ever notice your head was above the clouds? The smoke that echoed out, poured from your mouth though that beautiful drug you used to take? And once your heart stops beating, once you've faced your final heartbeat of constant thought, where does that leave you? Hey? Where does that leave you as you finally grow up and realise this life isn't for you, this life is for the others, so they can work out their differences and FORCE their way into the hearts of others, so THEIR hearts can beat for that few seconds longer, and the ones of which they steal can blow away! Break into pieces and explode in dismay! Because the heart only beats because you've not seen enough of the world to understand...
Can't take it any more? Why not sir? Beginning to cough? Beginning to look a little pale there?
How shallow of you. How low and horrible. Think you can cope with your drug? Ha! You're not like the rest, you'll look fabulous. YOU FOOL. But no, you NEEDED your mask, your little fag hanging out of the side of your mouth as you found your escape from the ONE true love that could have felt by your side as you drift away and find yourself. Find yourself indeed... you coward.
For there sits THAT boy. THAT boy. I'd have him shot. Disgusting. Does not, and no argument, does NOT deserve a true life.
And what of the man that lay before him? The cold dying man? He's got no more beats... oh, no, but he has.
He had that one last beat, didn't he? That one last dying heartbeat... the one he had when he saw YOU.
Because you're all that mattered to him... you were the one he could talk to. And with that singular heartbeat? What did he do? What did he waste it on? After living a life so long, so full, so wonderful? What did he waste that FINAL heartbeat on?
He took YOU in his hands. He SMILED at your face. He LOOKED into YOUR eyes.
AND YOU THREW IT BACK AT HIM.
The last heartbeat! The last simple pleasure, the last HOPE he could have had in his dying seconds! You took that from him with ease, and spat it out! You chewed it up in front of him and told him it tasted bitter. After the life of preparation! The life of wiseness paying off!
YOU
FAILED
HIM
Because YOU didn't smile back. You DIDN'T hold his hand, you DIDN'T give him that second of hope, and comfort, that the man that had those few seconds left, the LAST heartbeat of life... you should be shot. You should have your gullet ripped out, so the world can crowd around you, clap, and SPIT down on your pathetic body that didn't deserve to touch the ground of this fine Earth.
So I guess that's why you do this now huh? Still haven't forgiven yourself? I can't blame you, I can't see how anyone would.
And I am SO glad your heartbeated that so much faster. Taking all the beats that could have been over the life that the wonderful man had led... and letting them ALL beat so fast, so you had NOTHING. NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU DEARY! AND SERVES YOU RIGHT. Serves you right.
So what then? Try and suck heartbeats off others, won't you? Or HAVE you learnt your lesson yet?
But, I'd reply, but. I have. I have learnt, I promise you. I will never forgive myself, but I have no heartbeats left. They're all gone, like you said.
So I can't do much now. But I can smile, because, you know, I'm here. I don't deserve to be, but hey.
But for another love to come along... no. Not this time. I need it so much... not to give me my heart back, oh no... but because... I'm just so... oh come on, if I could put this into words, how special would it be?
YOU JUST CAN'T. You can't because it was never there. YOU made it ALL UP! Hahahaha! Just another gap to fill, eh? You were lonely! You needed the hug.
But you're wrong, no, so very wrong. I didn't need a hug. I was happy, I was fine, I was complete, and I didn't need love. I still don't need love, but I need her.
WHY! So you get back your motherfigure! The mum you never had as you cried yourself to sleep while they slept in the fields! Bruised from the bricks they had thrown! Oh... but you tell people you've forgot, and how you just 'can't remember'... but you do! FACE IT!
I can face it myself. I don't need others. I've told you. I don't need others to fill gaps, face things for me. Sure, they help, but I'm here. I don't have my heartbeats, and that's why I'm strong. They're all gone now. Every last one. For every kick that came, it shattered my heart, and now it's broken through. Pieces that cannot be glued together, but pieces that have been turned into insight. For all the heartbeats have not been beaten in vain.
YOU NEED TO BE LOVED!
No. That, my dear companion, is not true, and I can say that with the utmost confidence.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU NEED!
But still breathing... but there is one thing, I know dearly I need. But not today. Not today.
For today, I had to give up something I loved so dearly. It doesn't hurt me, because you see, there's no heart left to break. And as I softly smile because it's the only thing that doesn't need my heart... I can say, be happy with your hearts, your lifes, and for your sake, don't use them up too soon. Because as soon as that heart goes, you'll see. You'll see so clearly. And you'll end up like me, smiling softly at what you've seen... accepting only that everyday will just be the same. Every choice will only echo the past, and every forecast will be wrong... not because you think it, oh no... but because you'll love something so dearly, so beautifully, that you have to give it up.
And from then on, you will be fuelled for life. You can live without a heartbeat. Without hope. Without dreams. Without needs.
Nice post Grix. Excellent writing. Lovely. Fantastic.
Now look into my eyes and tell me you know me. Tell me that I have a life worth living.
Suicide? You misunderstand. I have no intention of killing myself. No. I'm going to live this life out. Because I deserve the pain.
I read that twice and I still don't completely understand it. Would it even be possible for me to ever understand it fully?
"Something to smile to"
A misleading title of there ever was one. That was dark... scary.
I don't think I'll ever understand.
"Something to smile to"
A misleading title of there ever was one. That was dark... scary.
I don't think I'll ever understand.
hmmmm. indeed
I don't think I have anything left to say.
I gave up something I loved today. It's not that I smoked, finally realised that's why I choked, sucking away on the ashes of life, to help me cope with my wear and strife. Amusing, eh?
Oh no, not at all. For when did a smoker stop smoking because it was killing THEM? No, there's only one thing that can stop that, and that's the care for others. For the others have to watch you die. Dying is nothing, compared to watching.
For take my hand and listen to me, for this can't be said as easily, for I mean, you see... there's something that means more to me than my lungs, my chest, my simple beating heart that, to be honest, I would hardly notice if it stopped...
No more beats for him sir! He's had them all, used them all up while he was stuck in his lift of life! Used them all as he was trying to work out all those tiny little pains he crossed through and had sucked out of him. You there! Ever notice your head was above the clouds? The smoke that echoed out, poured from your mouth though that beautiful drug you used to take? And once your heart stops beating, once you've faced your final heartbeat of constant thought, where does that leave you? Hey? Where does that leave you as you finally grow up and realise this life isn't for you, this life is for the others, so they can work out their differences and FORCE their way into the hearts of others, so THEIR hearts can beat for that few seconds longer, and the ones of which they steal can blow away! Break into pieces and explode in dismay! Because the heart only beats because you've not seen enough of the world to understand...
Can't take it any more? Why not sir? Beginning to cough? Beginning to look a little pale there?
How shallow of you. How low and horrible. Think you can cope with your drug? Ha! You're not like the rest, you'll look fabulous. YOU FOOL. But no, you NEEDED your mask, your little fag hanging out of the side of your mouth as you found your escape from the ONE true love that could have felt by your side as you drift away and find yourself. Find yourself indeed... you coward.
For there sits THAT boy. THAT boy. I'd have him shot. Disgusting. Does not, and no argument, does NOT deserve a true life.
And what of the man that lay before him? The cold dying man? He's got no more beats... oh, no, but he has.
He had that one last beat, didn't he? That one last dying heartbeat... the one he had when he saw YOU.
Because you're all that mattered to him... you were the one he could talk to. And with that singular heartbeat? What did he do? What did he waste it on? After living a life so long, so full, so wonderful? What did he waste that FINAL heartbeat on?
He took YOU in his hands. He SMILED at your face. He LOOKED into YOUR eyes.
AND YOU THREW IT BACK AT HIM.
The last heartbeat! The last simple pleasure, the last HOPE he could have had in his dying seconds! You took that from him with ease, and spat it out! You chewed it up in front of him and told him it tasted bitter. After the life of preparation! The life of wiseness paying off!
YOU
FAILED
HIM
Because YOU didn't smile back. You DIDN'T hold his hand, you DIDN'T give him that second of hope, and comfort, that the man that had those few seconds left, the LAST heartbeat of life... you should be shot. You should have your gullet ripped out, so the world can crowd around you, clap, and SPIT down on your pathetic body that didn't deserve to touch the ground of this fine Earth.
So I guess that's why you do this now huh? Still haven't forgiven yourself? I can't blame you, I can't see how anyone would.
And I am SO glad your heartbeated that so much faster. Taking all the beats that could have been over the life that the wonderful man had led... and letting them ALL beat so fast, so you had NOTHING. NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU DEARY! AND SERVES YOU RIGHT. Serves you right.
So what then? Try and suck heartbeats off others, won't you? Or HAVE you learnt your lesson yet?
But, I'd reply, but. I have. I have learnt, I promise you. I will never forgive myself, but I have no heartbeats left. They're all gone, like you said.
So I can't do much now. But I can smile, because, you know, I'm here. I don't deserve to be, but hey.
But for another love to come along... no. Not this time. I need it so much... not to give me my heart back, oh no... but because... I'm just so... oh come on, if I could put this into words, how special would it be?
YOU JUST CAN'T. You can't because it was never there. YOU made it ALL UP! Hahahaha! Just another gap to fill, eh? You were lonely! You needed the hug.
But you're wrong, no, so very wrong. I didn't need a hug. I was happy, I was fine, I was complete, and I didn't need love. I still don't need love, but I need her.
WHY! So you get back your motherfigure! The mum you never had as you cried yourself to sleep while they slept in the fields! Bruised from the bricks they had thrown! Oh... but you tell people you've forgot, and how you just 'can't remember'... but you do! FACE IT!
I can face it myself. I don't need others. I've told you. I don't need others to fill gaps, face things for me. Sure, they help, but I'm here. I don't have my heartbeats, and that's why I'm strong. They're all gone now. Every last one. For every kick that came, it shattered my heart, and now it's broken through. Pieces that cannot be glued together, but pieces that have been turned into insight. For all the heartbeats have not been beaten in vain.
YOU NEED TO BE LOVED!
No. That, my dear companion, is not true, and I can say that with the utmost confidence.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU NEED!
But still breathing... but there is one thing, I know dearly I need. But not today. Not today.
For today, I had to give up something I loved so dearly. It doesn't hurt me, because you see, there's no heart left to break. And as I softly smile because it's the only thing that doesn't need my heart... I can say, be happy with your hearts, your lifes, and for your sake, don't use them up too soon. Because as soon as that heart goes, you'll see. You'll see so clearly. And you'll end up like me, smiling softly at what you've seen... accepting only that everyday will just be the same. Every choice will only echo the past, and every forecast will be wrong... not because you think it, oh no... but because you'll love something so dearly, so beautifully, that you have to give it up.
And from then on, you will be fuelled for life. You can live without a heartbeat. Without hope. Without dreams. Without needs.
Nice post Grix. Excellent writing. Lovely. Fantastic.
Now look into my eyes and tell me you know me. Tell me that I have a life worth living.
Suicide? You misunderstand. I have no intention of killing myself. No. I'm going to live this life out. Because I deserve the pain.
Oh no, not at all. For when did a smoker stop smoking because it was killing THEM? No, there's only one thing that can stop that, and that's the care for others. For the others have to watch you die. Dying is nothing, compared to watching.
For take my hand and listen to me, for this can't be said as easily, for I mean, you see... there's something that means more to me than my lungs, my chest, my simple beating heart that, to be honest, I would hardly notice if it stopped...
No more beats for him sir! He's had them all, used them all up while he was stuck in his lift of life! Used them all as he was trying to work out all those tiny little pains he crossed through and had sucked out of him. You there! Ever notice your head was above the clouds? The smoke that echoed out, poured from your mouth though that beautiful drug you used to take? And once your heart stops beating, once you've faced your final heartbeat of constant thought, where does that leave you? Hey? Where does that leave you as you finally grow up and realise this life isn't for you, this life is for the others, so they can work out their differences and FORCE their way into the hearts of others, so THEIR hearts can beat for that few seconds longer, and the ones of which they steal can blow away! Break into pieces and explode in dismay! Because the heart only beats because you've not seen enough of the world to understand...
Can't take it any more? Why not sir? Beginning to cough? Beginning to look a little pale there?
How shallow of you. How low and horrible. Think you can cope with your drug? Ha! You're not like the rest, you'll look fabulous. YOU FOOL. But no, you NEEDED your mask, your little fag hanging out of the side of your mouth as you found your escape from the ONE true love that could have felt by your side as you drift away and find yourself. Find yourself indeed... you coward.
For there sits THAT boy. THAT boy. I'd have him shot. Disgusting. Does not, and no argument, does NOT deserve a true life.
And what of the man that lay before him? The cold dying man? He's got no more beats... oh, no, but he has.
He had that one last beat, didn't he? That one last dying heartbeat... the one he had when he saw YOU.
Because you're all that mattered to him... you were the one he could talk to. And with that singular heartbeat? What did he do? What did he waste it on? After living a life so long, so full, so wonderful? What did he waste that FINAL heartbeat on?
He took YOU in his hands. He SMILED at your face. He LOOKED into YOUR eyes.
AND YOU THREW IT BACK AT HIM.
The last heartbeat! The last simple pleasure, the last HOPE he could have had in his dying seconds! You took that from him with ease, and spat it out! You chewed it up in front of him and told him it tasted bitter. After the life of preparation! The life of wiseness paying off!
YOU
FAILED
HIM
Because YOU didn't smile back. You DIDN'T hold his hand, you DIDN'T give him that second of hope, and comfort, that the man that had those few seconds left, the LAST heartbeat of life... you should be shot. You should have your gullet ripped out, so the world can crowd around you, clap, and SPIT down on your pathetic body that didn't deserve to touch the ground of this fine Earth.
So I guess that's why you do this now huh? Still haven't forgiven yourself? I can't blame you, I can't see how anyone would.
And I am SO glad your heartbeated that so much faster. Taking all the beats that could have been over the life that the wonderful man had led... and letting them ALL beat so fast, so you had NOTHING. NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU DEARY! AND SERVES YOU RIGHT. Serves you right.
So what then? Try and suck heartbeats off others, won't you? Or HAVE you learnt your lesson yet?
But, I'd reply, but. I have. I have learnt, I promise you. I will never forgive myself, but I have no heartbeats left. They're all gone, like you said.
So I can't do much now. But I can smile, because, you know, I'm here. I don't deserve to be, but hey.
But for another love to come along... no. Not this time. I need it so much... not to give me my heart back, oh no... but because... I'm just so... oh come on, if I could put this into words, how special would it be?
YOU JUST CAN'T. You can't because it was never there. YOU made it ALL UP! Hahahaha! Just another gap to fill, eh? You were lonely! You needed the hug.
But you're wrong, no, so very wrong. I didn't need a hug. I was happy, I was fine, I was complete, and I didn't need love. I still don't need love, but I need her.
WHY! So you get back your motherfigure! The mum you never had as you cried yourself to sleep while they slept in the fields! Bruised from the bricks they had thrown! Oh... but you tell people you've forgot, and how you just 'can't remember'... but you do! FACE IT!
I can face it myself. I don't need others. I've told you. I don't need others to fill gaps, face things for me. Sure, they help, but I'm here. I don't have my heartbeats, and that's why I'm strong. They're all gone now. Every last one. For every kick that came, it shattered my heart, and now it's broken through. Pieces that cannot be glued together, but pieces that have been turned into insight. For all the heartbeats have not been beaten in vain.
YOU NEED TO BE LOVED!
No. That, my dear companion, is not true, and I can say that with the utmost confidence.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU NEED!
But still breathing... but there is one thing, I know dearly I need. But not today. Not today.
For today, I had to give up something I loved so dearly. It doesn't hurt me, because you see, there's no heart left to break. And as I softly smile because it's the only thing that doesn't need my heart... I can say, be happy with your hearts, your lifes, and for your sake, don't use them up too soon. Because as soon as that heart goes, you'll see. You'll see so clearly. And you'll end up like me, smiling softly at what you've seen... accepting only that everyday will just be the same. Every choice will only echo the past, and every forecast will be wrong... not because you think it, oh no... but because you'll love something so dearly, so beautifully, that you have to give it up.
And from then on, you will be fuelled for life. You can live without a heartbeat. Without hope. Without dreams. Without needs.
Nice post Grix. Excellent writing. Lovely. Fantastic.
Now look into my eyes and tell me you know me. Tell me that I have a life worth living.
Suicide? You misunderstand. I have no intention of killing myself. No. I'm going to live this life out. Because I deserve the pain.