The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
In the single biggest political shake-up since 1947, George Bush has embarked upon one of the most audacious reform programs in America's histoy. From now on all governmental policy is to be dictated by typewriter-using monkeys.
The new system is the latest upgrade to American political decision making, which has enjoyed a colourful history. For many years a dice roll proved very effective in determining which of a list of policies should be implemented, but this is thought to have died out after it caused the American Civil War. Before his assassination Abraham Lincoln pioneered the use of Nostradamus, thereby allowing America to establish herself as a world superpower. However, John F. Kennedy discarded Nostradamus, branding him "a phoney" and instead opting for the Lucky 8 Ball. Indeed the Cuban missile crisis can be largely attributed to a faulty 8 ball that kept delivering the reply "not today sunshine". Of course Kennedy payed for his political free-thinking with his life, when an angry dwarf who believed he was the reincarnated spirit of Nostradamus had Kennedy killed.
The use of monkeys and typewriters is based on the mathematical theory that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would produce every play by Shakespeare - a mathematical certainty given their infinite number. After hearing about this theory from a French President Jacques Chirac, Bush decided to cast the 8 ball into the annals of time and move towards a brighter future. Speaking at a White House press conference he said:
"Tragedies like September 11th make us aware that when the left hand and the right hand don't work together disaster will strike. Let me draw you this analogy, if I am reading "Where's Wally" and my left hand is scouring the page for Wally and my right hand tries to turn it, a nasty paper cut could arise. Or if I am eating pretzels with my left hand and trying to scratch my head with my right hand I could accidently punch myself in the face and choke on the pretzel. So you see the way forward is not to use the left hand or the right hand, use monkeys instead!"
The project was commissioned after a preliminary study involving 100 monkeys and typewriters rescued the US economy after one monkey produced the phrase "Lower interest rates by a quarter of one percent and the economy will pick up again due to the stimulation of Aggregate Demand in each of its components". Such insight was inevitably accompanied by a lot of useless data, with one Monkey producing a word perfect translation of Tolstoy's "War and Peace" into binary and another writing a letter to the New York Times. In any case the results were warmly received by political analysts who hailed Bush as a "genius".
So today Bush will officially launch the breeding program that will see an infinite number of monkeys being produced. Taking an on heat female into a bed chamber Bush emerged two minutes later with a look of jubilation on his face and declared the breeding program open. By accelerating breeding rates scientists hope to have hit the infinity figure by March 2003 and have already commissioned an infinite number of typewriters to match this figure. Chief government scientist Russ Meyer addressed some of the problems associated with the venture:
"Obviously the monkeys will have to live underground.. I can't see anything else working to be honest. I mean we're talking an infinite number of monkeys here and that means a big storage space. We'll leave them down and collect the products of their typing then run hem through a sophisticated screening filter. At the end of the day only the fully formed policies will be delivered to the President. And those who ask what the monkeys are going to eat obviously haven't grasped the concept of infinity. They will eat each other, because they are infinite. Jesus morons."
Predictably animal rights protestors were in uproar. Speaking through a ventriloquist, P Diddy, spokesman for PETA, commented that "some of these monkeys are doubtless going to produce works of a literary significance but the facist screening process will deny their creative impulses from reaching fruition. It's disgraceful that these monkeys are to be denied the freedom to create anything other than government policy."
Bush hopes that eventually the monkeys will mate with the typewriters and so evolve into the most sophisticated decision-making body in US governmental history. Indeed the only body to express any concern at the venture was the Union of 8 ball manufacturers, who labelled the monkey plan "a disgraceful waste of public money, 8 balls are far cheaper".
At the time of going to press former Stone Roses singer, Ian Brown, had gone into hiding and was unavailable for comment.
For further details and a step by step pictoral guide to the monkey-typewriter program visit:
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/monkey1.html
The new system is the latest upgrade to American political decision making, which has enjoyed a colourful history. For many years a dice roll proved very effective in determining which of a list of policies should be implemented, but this is thought to have died out after it caused the American Civil War. Before his assassination Abraham Lincoln pioneered the use of Nostradamus, thereby allowing America to establish herself as a world superpower. However, John F. Kennedy discarded Nostradamus, branding him "a phoney" and instead opting for the Lucky 8 Ball. Indeed the Cuban missile crisis can be largely attributed to a faulty 8 ball that kept delivering the reply "not today sunshine". Of course Kennedy payed for his political free-thinking with his life, when an angry dwarf who believed he was the reincarnated spirit of Nostradamus had Kennedy killed.
The use of monkeys and typewriters is based on the mathematical theory that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would produce every play by Shakespeare - a mathematical certainty given their infinite number. After hearing about this theory from a French President Jacques Chirac, Bush decided to cast the 8 ball into the annals of time and move towards a brighter future. Speaking at a White House press conference he said:
"Tragedies like September 11th make us aware that when the left hand and the right hand don't work together disaster will strike. Let me draw you this analogy, if I am reading "Where's Wally" and my left hand is scouring the page for Wally and my right hand tries to turn it, a nasty paper cut could arise. Or if I am eating pretzels with my left hand and trying to scratch my head with my right hand I could accidently punch myself in the face and choke on the pretzel. So you see the way forward is not to use the left hand or the right hand, use monkeys instead!"
The project was commissioned after a preliminary study involving 100 monkeys and typewriters rescued the US economy after one monkey produced the phrase "Lower interest rates by a quarter of one percent and the economy will pick up again due to the stimulation of Aggregate Demand in each of its components". Such insight was inevitably accompanied by a lot of useless data, with one Monkey producing a word perfect translation of Tolstoy's "War and Peace" into binary and another writing a letter to the New York Times. In any case the results were warmly received by political analysts who hailed Bush as a "genius".
So today Bush will officially launch the breeding program that will see an infinite number of monkeys being produced. Taking an on heat female into a bed chamber Bush emerged two minutes later with a look of jubilation on his face and declared the breeding program open. By accelerating breeding rates scientists hope to have hit the infinity figure by March 2003 and have already commissioned an infinite number of typewriters to match this figure. Chief government scientist Russ Meyer addressed some of the problems associated with the venture:
"Obviously the monkeys will have to live underground.. I can't see anything else working to be honest. I mean we're talking an infinite number of monkeys here and that means a big storage space. We'll leave them down and collect the products of their typing then run hem through a sophisticated screening filter. At the end of the day only the fully formed policies will be delivered to the President. And those who ask what the monkeys are going to eat obviously haven't grasped the concept of infinity. They will eat each other, because they are infinite. Jesus morons."
Predictably animal rights protestors were in uproar. Speaking through a ventriloquist, P Diddy, spokesman for PETA, commented that "some of these monkeys are doubtless going to produce works of a literary significance but the facist screening process will deny their creative impulses from reaching fruition. It's disgraceful that these monkeys are to be denied the freedom to create anything other than government policy."
Bush hopes that eventually the monkeys will mate with the typewriters and so evolve into the most sophisticated decision-making body in US governmental history. Indeed the only body to express any concern at the venture was the Union of 8 ball manufacturers, who labelled the monkey plan "a disgraceful waste of public money, 8 balls are far cheaper".
At the time of going to press former Stone Roses singer, Ian Brown, had gone into hiding and was unavailable for comment.
For further details and a step by step pictoral guide to the monkey-typewriter program visit:
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/monkey1.html
Yes, a distinct sense of Deja Vu is coming on here..........
;-)
;-)
Heh. Very funny.
allardini wrote:
> Nthing new then.
Agreed. You call this NEWS?
> Nthing new then.
Agreed. You call this NEWS?
Nthing new then.
:0D
I've missed these. :0)
I've missed these. :0)
In the single biggest political shake-up since 1947, George Bush has embarked upon one of the most audacious reform programs in America's histoy. From now on all governmental policy is to be dictated by typewriter-using monkeys.
The new system is the latest upgrade to American political decision making, which has enjoyed a colourful history. For many years a dice roll proved very effective in determining which of a list of policies should be implemented, but this is thought to have died out after it caused the American Civil War. Before his assassination Abraham Lincoln pioneered the use of Nostradamus, thereby allowing America to establish herself as a world superpower. However, John F. Kennedy discarded Nostradamus, branding him "a phoney" and instead opting for the Lucky 8 Ball. Indeed the Cuban missile crisis can be largely attributed to a faulty 8 ball that kept delivering the reply "not today sunshine". Of course Kennedy payed for his political free-thinking with his life, when an angry dwarf who believed he was the reincarnated spirit of Nostradamus had Kennedy killed.
The use of monkeys and typewriters is based on the mathematical theory that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would produce every play by Shakespeare - a mathematical certainty given their infinite number. After hearing about this theory from a French President Jacques Chirac, Bush decided to cast the 8 ball into the annals of time and move towards a brighter future. Speaking at a White House press conference he said:
"Tragedies like September 11th make us aware that when the left hand and the right hand don't work together disaster will strike. Let me draw you this analogy, if I am reading "Where's Wally" and my left hand is scouring the page for Wally and my right hand tries to turn it, a nasty paper cut could arise. Or if I am eating pretzels with my left hand and trying to scratch my head with my right hand I could accidently punch myself in the face and choke on the pretzel. So you see the way forward is not to use the left hand or the right hand, use monkeys instead!"
The project was commissioned after a preliminary study involving 100 monkeys and typewriters rescued the US economy after one monkey produced the phrase "Lower interest rates by a quarter of one percent and the economy will pick up again due to the stimulation of Aggregate Demand in each of its components". Such insight was inevitably accompanied by a lot of useless data, with one Monkey producing a word perfect translation of Tolstoy's "War and Peace" into binary and another writing a letter to the New York Times. In any case the results were warmly received by political analysts who hailed Bush as a "genius".
So today Bush will officially launch the breeding program that will see an infinite number of monkeys being produced. Taking an on heat female into a bed chamber Bush emerged two minutes later with a look of jubilation on his face and declared the breeding program open. By accelerating breeding rates scientists hope to have hit the infinity figure by March 2003 and have already commissioned an infinite number of typewriters to match this figure. Chief government scientist Russ Meyer addressed some of the problems associated with the venture:
"Obviously the monkeys will have to live underground.. I can't see anything else working to be honest. I mean we're talking an infinite number of monkeys here and that means a big storage space. We'll leave them down and collect the products of their typing then run hem through a sophisticated screening filter. At the end of the day only the fully formed policies will be delivered to the President. And those who ask what the monkeys are going to eat obviously haven't grasped the concept of infinity. They will eat each other, because they are infinite. Jesus morons."
Predictably animal rights protestors were in uproar. Speaking through a ventriloquist, P Diddy, spokesman for PETA, commented that "some of these monkeys are doubtless going to produce works of a literary significance but the facist screening process will deny their creative impulses from reaching fruition. It's disgraceful that these monkeys are to be denied the freedom to create anything other than government policy."
Bush hopes that eventually the monkeys will mate with the typewriters and so evolve into the most sophisticated decision-making body in US governmental history. Indeed the only body to express any concern at the venture was the Union of 8 ball manufacturers, who labelled the monkey plan "a disgraceful waste of public money, 8 balls are far cheaper".
At the time of going to press former Stone Roses singer, Ian Brown, had gone into hiding and was unavailable for comment.
For further details and a step by step pictoral guide to the monkey-typewriter program visit:
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/monkey1.html
The new system is the latest upgrade to American political decision making, which has enjoyed a colourful history. For many years a dice roll proved very effective in determining which of a list of policies should be implemented, but this is thought to have died out after it caused the American Civil War. Before his assassination Abraham Lincoln pioneered the use of Nostradamus, thereby allowing America to establish herself as a world superpower. However, John F. Kennedy discarded Nostradamus, branding him "a phoney" and instead opting for the Lucky 8 Ball. Indeed the Cuban missile crisis can be largely attributed to a faulty 8 ball that kept delivering the reply "not today sunshine". Of course Kennedy payed for his political free-thinking with his life, when an angry dwarf who believed he was the reincarnated spirit of Nostradamus had Kennedy killed.
The use of monkeys and typewriters is based on the mathematical theory that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would produce every play by Shakespeare - a mathematical certainty given their infinite number. After hearing about this theory from a French President Jacques Chirac, Bush decided to cast the 8 ball into the annals of time and move towards a brighter future. Speaking at a White House press conference he said:
"Tragedies like September 11th make us aware that when the left hand and the right hand don't work together disaster will strike. Let me draw you this analogy, if I am reading "Where's Wally" and my left hand is scouring the page for Wally and my right hand tries to turn it, a nasty paper cut could arise. Or if I am eating pretzels with my left hand and trying to scratch my head with my right hand I could accidently punch myself in the face and choke on the pretzel. So you see the way forward is not to use the left hand or the right hand, use monkeys instead!"
The project was commissioned after a preliminary study involving 100 monkeys and typewriters rescued the US economy after one monkey produced the phrase "Lower interest rates by a quarter of one percent and the economy will pick up again due to the stimulation of Aggregate Demand in each of its components". Such insight was inevitably accompanied by a lot of useless data, with one Monkey producing a word perfect translation of Tolstoy's "War and Peace" into binary and another writing a letter to the New York Times. In any case the results were warmly received by political analysts who hailed Bush as a "genius".
So today Bush will officially launch the breeding program that will see an infinite number of monkeys being produced. Taking an on heat female into a bed chamber Bush emerged two minutes later with a look of jubilation on his face and declared the breeding program open. By accelerating breeding rates scientists hope to have hit the infinity figure by March 2003 and have already commissioned an infinite number of typewriters to match this figure. Chief government scientist Russ Meyer addressed some of the problems associated with the venture:
"Obviously the monkeys will have to live underground.. I can't see anything else working to be honest. I mean we're talking an infinite number of monkeys here and that means a big storage space. We'll leave them down and collect the products of their typing then run hem through a sophisticated screening filter. At the end of the day only the fully formed policies will be delivered to the President. And those who ask what the monkeys are going to eat obviously haven't grasped the concept of infinity. They will eat each other, because they are infinite. Jesus morons."
Predictably animal rights protestors were in uproar. Speaking through a ventriloquist, P Diddy, spokesman for PETA, commented that "some of these monkeys are doubtless going to produce works of a literary significance but the facist screening process will deny their creative impulses from reaching fruition. It's disgraceful that these monkeys are to be denied the freedom to create anything other than government policy."
Bush hopes that eventually the monkeys will mate with the typewriters and so evolve into the most sophisticated decision-making body in US governmental history. Indeed the only body to express any concern at the venture was the Union of 8 ball manufacturers, who labelled the monkey plan "a disgraceful waste of public money, 8 balls are far cheaper".
At the time of going to press former Stone Roses singer, Ian Brown, had gone into hiding and was unavailable for comment.
For further details and a step by step pictoral guide to the monkey-typewriter program visit:
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/monkey1.html