The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Exciting news emerged from Microsoft HQ today, as Bill Gates announced the launch of a new X-box publicity campaign. He plans to offer UK citizens the chance to blow up the Big Brother house if more than 1,000,000 X-boxes are sold in the coming month. Speaking through a cheese grater the Microsoft chairman predicted that the enticement would reignite faltering X-box sales and allow the console to flourish in the notoriously competitive console market. If the target is met then Bill Gates’ private Lear jet will proceed to carpet bomb the house with a salvo of 2000 exploding X-boxes, as this leaked advertising poster suggests:
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/adcampaign.html
The promotion arose after Microsoft’s UK factories were left with 2000 exploding X-boxes following a blunder by former transport minister Steven Byers. The then-MP was asked to open the UK production plant so that links could be established with the Labour government. However, Byers inadvertently managed to order 3000 tonnes of weapons grade explosives from rebels in the war-torn republic of Chechnya and reprogram the production line instead of cutting some red tape. At the time the head of UK operations, Telly Savalas, commented
“We only discovered the problem after testing the product on feminists; one unfortunate woman took it upon herself to kick the console after seeing an early copy of Grand Theft Audio running on it and she ended up losing all of her limbs and the sight in one eye. It’s staggering really, I only turned my back on Byers for a minute and look what happened!”
Byers was reported to be relieved, however, that his blunder had ultimately led to some good.
The move has been hailed as a masterstroke by industry analysts, who have noted that Big Brother haters have already begun to snap up X-boxes. Already the Daily Mail has pledged all of its staff’s wages to the purchase of X-boxes, while the Palace has ordered 25,000 consoles as a gesture of thanks to the millions who turned out to support the Queen during the Golden Jubilee celebrations.
From one Queen to another, guitarist Brian May, a qualified Astro-physicist, has expressed relief at the decision to bomb the Big Brother house. Speaking from the bottom of a well he revealed:
“I’ve been conducting extensive enquiries into the levels of intelligence in the house and the results have been terrifying. For every hour a contestant spends in the house, their IQ drops by 10 points. Already we are beginning to see signs of de-evolution. One contestant mistook her microphone battery for a phone, while another lost all sense of geographical awareness, thinking that Cambridge was in London. If this carries on, they will have completely de-evolved into monkeys by the time the game is over. Far worse, however, is the effect of watching Big Brother for an hour, which, due to the inverse relationship with the bi-chodal felch multiplier, results in an accelerated loss of IQ. My advice is to buy as many X-boxes as you can afford. And then some.”
May’s discovery recalls the infamous German prison experiment where ten volunteers left in captivity for 8 weeks de-evolved into primordial soup, which was then accidentally eaten by the ravenous scientist who went to look for them, who labelled the incident “geschmackvoll”.
The proposed bombing of the house has been welcomed across the political spectrum, with Tony Blair labelling it as a “triumph of the public-private partnership”, while Iain Duncan-Smith labelled it, customarily, something instantly forgettable. The only voice of dissent came from Labour back-bencher Tony Benn who bitterly railed against the involvement of a private firm, saying that “once again this government has opted for the private sector and sold our national industries up the river. It’s disgraceful.”
Currently Big Brother contestants remain unaware of the developments but they were asked by Channel 4 psychologists how they would respond if, hypothetically, Microsoft were to carpet bomb them. Contestant Jade Goody, in a state of de-evolution, said she was quite happy for it to happen because “carpets are quite soft really.” Upon hearing this Channel 4 immediately granted Microsoft permission to bomb the house and bought 350 consoles with the now unnecessary prize money. The only barrier remaining to the plan was also removed today, when the Archbishop of Canterbury agreed to bless each of the X-bombs so that “the heathens can feel the wrath of the Lord when they are vaporised by his righteous fury.”
Currently 500,000 consoles have been shifted, leaving another 500,000 remaining for the target to be met. So far Gates has stuck true to his word, only making one concession in allowing Kate to leave the house if she agrees to be his concubine. Unfortunately Sting was engaged in tantric sex at the time of going to press; however, when everything climaxes he will come and comment.
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/adcampaign.html
The promotion arose after Microsoft’s UK factories were left with 2000 exploding X-boxes following a blunder by former transport minister Steven Byers. The then-MP was asked to open the UK production plant so that links could be established with the Labour government. However, Byers inadvertently managed to order 3000 tonnes of weapons grade explosives from rebels in the war-torn republic of Chechnya and reprogram the production line instead of cutting some red tape. At the time the head of UK operations, Telly Savalas, commented
“We only discovered the problem after testing the product on feminists; one unfortunate woman took it upon herself to kick the console after seeing an early copy of Grand Theft Audio running on it and she ended up losing all of her limbs and the sight in one eye. It’s staggering really, I only turned my back on Byers for a minute and look what happened!”
Byers was reported to be relieved, however, that his blunder had ultimately led to some good.
The move has been hailed as a masterstroke by industry analysts, who have noted that Big Brother haters have already begun to snap up X-boxes. Already the Daily Mail has pledged all of its staff’s wages to the purchase of X-boxes, while the Palace has ordered 25,000 consoles as a gesture of thanks to the millions who turned out to support the Queen during the Golden Jubilee celebrations.
From one Queen to another, guitarist Brian May, a qualified Astro-physicist, has expressed relief at the decision to bomb the Big Brother house. Speaking from the bottom of a well he revealed:
“I’ve been conducting extensive enquiries into the levels of intelligence in the house and the results have been terrifying. For every hour a contestant spends in the house, their IQ drops by 10 points. Already we are beginning to see signs of de-evolution. One contestant mistook her microphone battery for a phone, while another lost all sense of geographical awareness, thinking that Cambridge was in London. If this carries on, they will have completely de-evolved into monkeys by the time the game is over. Far worse, however, is the effect of watching Big Brother for an hour, which, due to the inverse relationship with the bi-chodal felch multiplier, results in an accelerated loss of IQ. My advice is to buy as many X-boxes as you can afford. And then some.”
May’s discovery recalls the infamous German prison experiment where ten volunteers left in captivity for 8 weeks de-evolved into primordial soup, which was then accidentally eaten by the ravenous scientist who went to look for them, who labelled the incident “geschmackvoll”.
The proposed bombing of the house has been welcomed across the political spectrum, with Tony Blair labelling it as a “triumph of the public-private partnership”, while Iain Duncan-Smith labelled it, customarily, something instantly forgettable. The only voice of dissent came from Labour back-bencher Tony Benn who bitterly railed against the involvement of a private firm, saying that “once again this government has opted for the private sector and sold our national industries up the river. It’s disgraceful.”
Currently Big Brother contestants remain unaware of the developments but they were asked by Channel 4 psychologists how they would respond if, hypothetically, Microsoft were to carpet bomb them. Contestant Jade Goody, in a state of de-evolution, said she was quite happy for it to happen because “carpets are quite soft really.” Upon hearing this Channel 4 immediately granted Microsoft permission to bomb the house and bought 350 consoles with the now unnecessary prize money. The only barrier remaining to the plan was also removed today, when the Archbishop of Canterbury agreed to bless each of the X-bombs so that “the heathens can feel the wrath of the Lord when they are vaporised by his righteous fury.”
Currently 500,000 consoles have been shifted, leaving another 500,000 remaining for the target to be met. So far Gates has stuck true to his word, only making one concession in allowing Kate to leave the house if she agrees to be his concubine. Unfortunately Sting was engaged in tantric sex at the time of going to press; however, when everything climaxes he will come and comment.
Page:
Exciting news emerged from Microsoft HQ today, as Bill Gates announced the launch of a new X-box publicity campaign. He plans to offer UK citizens the chance to blow up the Big Brother house if more than 1,000,000 X-boxes are sold in the coming month. Speaking through a cheese grater the Microsoft chairman predicted that the enticement would reignite faltering X-box sales and allow the console to flourish in the notoriously competitive console market. If the target is met then Bill Gates’ private Lear jet will proceed to carpet bomb the house with a salvo of 2000 exploding X-boxes, as this leaked advertising poster suggests:
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/adcampaign.html
The promotion arose after Microsoft’s UK factories were left with 2000 exploding X-boxes following a blunder by former transport minister Steven Byers. The then-MP was asked to open the UK production plant so that links could be established with the Labour government. However, Byers inadvertently managed to order 3000 tonnes of weapons grade explosives from rebels in the war-torn republic of Chechnya and reprogram the production line instead of cutting some red tape. At the time the head of UK operations, Telly Savalas, commented
“We only discovered the problem after testing the product on feminists; one unfortunate woman took it upon herself to kick the console after seeing an early copy of Grand Theft Audio running on it and she ended up losing all of her limbs and the sight in one eye. It’s staggering really, I only turned my back on Byers for a minute and look what happened!”
Byers was reported to be relieved, however, that his blunder had ultimately led to some good.
The move has been hailed as a masterstroke by industry analysts, who have noted that Big Brother haters have already begun to snap up X-boxes. Already the Daily Mail has pledged all of its staff’s wages to the purchase of X-boxes, while the Palace has ordered 25,000 consoles as a gesture of thanks to the millions who turned out to support the Queen during the Golden Jubilee celebrations.
From one Queen to another, guitarist Brian May, a qualified Astro-physicist, has expressed relief at the decision to bomb the Big Brother house. Speaking from the bottom of a well he revealed:
“I’ve been conducting extensive enquiries into the levels of intelligence in the house and the results have been terrifying. For every hour a contestant spends in the house, their IQ drops by 10 points. Already we are beginning to see signs of de-evolution. One contestant mistook her microphone battery for a phone, while another lost all sense of geographical awareness, thinking that Cambridge was in London. If this carries on, they will have completely de-evolved into monkeys by the time the game is over. Far worse, however, is the effect of watching Big Brother for an hour, which, due to the inverse relationship with the bi-chodal felch multiplier, results in an accelerated loss of IQ. My advice is to buy as many X-boxes as you can afford. And then some.”
May’s discovery recalls the infamous German prison experiment where ten volunteers left in captivity for 8 weeks de-evolved into primordial soup, which was then accidentally eaten by the ravenous scientist who went to look for them, who labelled the incident “geschmackvoll”.
The proposed bombing of the house has been welcomed across the political spectrum, with Tony Blair labelling it as a “triumph of the public-private partnership”, while Iain Duncan-Smith labelled it, customarily, something instantly forgettable. The only voice of dissent came from Labour back-bencher Tony Benn who bitterly railed against the involvement of a private firm, saying that “once again this government has opted for the private sector and sold our national industries up the river. It’s disgraceful.”
Currently Big Brother contestants remain unaware of the developments but they were asked by Channel 4 psychologists how they would respond if, hypothetically, Microsoft were to carpet bomb them. Contestant Jade Goody, in a state of de-evolution, said she was quite happy for it to happen because “carpets are quite soft really.” Upon hearing this Channel 4 immediately granted Microsoft permission to bomb the house and bought 350 consoles with the now unnecessary prize money. The only barrier remaining to the plan was also removed today, when the Archbishop of Canterbury agreed to bless each of the X-bombs so that “the heathens can feel the wrath of the Lord when they are vaporised by his righteous fury.”
Currently 500,000 consoles have been shifted, leaving another 500,000 remaining for the target to be met. So far Gates has stuck true to his word, only making one concession in allowing Kate to leave the house if she agrees to be his concubine. Unfortunately Sting was engaged in tantric sex at the time of going to press; however, when everything climaxes he will come and comment.
http://www.geocities.com/mrohappy/adcampaign.html
The promotion arose after Microsoft’s UK factories were left with 2000 exploding X-boxes following a blunder by former transport minister Steven Byers. The then-MP was asked to open the UK production plant so that links could be established with the Labour government. However, Byers inadvertently managed to order 3000 tonnes of weapons grade explosives from rebels in the war-torn republic of Chechnya and reprogram the production line instead of cutting some red tape. At the time the head of UK operations, Telly Savalas, commented
“We only discovered the problem after testing the product on feminists; one unfortunate woman took it upon herself to kick the console after seeing an early copy of Grand Theft Audio running on it and she ended up losing all of her limbs and the sight in one eye. It’s staggering really, I only turned my back on Byers for a minute and look what happened!”
Byers was reported to be relieved, however, that his blunder had ultimately led to some good.
The move has been hailed as a masterstroke by industry analysts, who have noted that Big Brother haters have already begun to snap up X-boxes. Already the Daily Mail has pledged all of its staff’s wages to the purchase of X-boxes, while the Palace has ordered 25,000 consoles as a gesture of thanks to the millions who turned out to support the Queen during the Golden Jubilee celebrations.
From one Queen to another, guitarist Brian May, a qualified Astro-physicist, has expressed relief at the decision to bomb the Big Brother house. Speaking from the bottom of a well he revealed:
“I’ve been conducting extensive enquiries into the levels of intelligence in the house and the results have been terrifying. For every hour a contestant spends in the house, their IQ drops by 10 points. Already we are beginning to see signs of de-evolution. One contestant mistook her microphone battery for a phone, while another lost all sense of geographical awareness, thinking that Cambridge was in London. If this carries on, they will have completely de-evolved into monkeys by the time the game is over. Far worse, however, is the effect of watching Big Brother for an hour, which, due to the inverse relationship with the bi-chodal felch multiplier, results in an accelerated loss of IQ. My advice is to buy as many X-boxes as you can afford. And then some.”
May’s discovery recalls the infamous German prison experiment where ten volunteers left in captivity for 8 weeks de-evolved into primordial soup, which was then accidentally eaten by the ravenous scientist who went to look for them, who labelled the incident “geschmackvoll”.
The proposed bombing of the house has been welcomed across the political spectrum, with Tony Blair labelling it as a “triumph of the public-private partnership”, while Iain Duncan-Smith labelled it, customarily, something instantly forgettable. The only voice of dissent came from Labour back-bencher Tony Benn who bitterly railed against the involvement of a private firm, saying that “once again this government has opted for the private sector and sold our national industries up the river. It’s disgraceful.”
Currently Big Brother contestants remain unaware of the developments but they were asked by Channel 4 psychologists how they would respond if, hypothetically, Microsoft were to carpet bomb them. Contestant Jade Goody, in a state of de-evolution, said she was quite happy for it to happen because “carpets are quite soft really.” Upon hearing this Channel 4 immediately granted Microsoft permission to bomb the house and bought 350 consoles with the now unnecessary prize money. The only barrier remaining to the plan was also removed today, when the Archbishop of Canterbury agreed to bless each of the X-bombs so that “the heathens can feel the wrath of the Lord when they are vaporised by his righteous fury.”
Currently 500,000 consoles have been shifted, leaving another 500,000 remaining for the target to be met. So far Gates has stuck true to his word, only making one concession in allowing Kate to leave the house if she agrees to be his concubine. Unfortunately Sting was engaged in tantric sex at the time of going to press; however, when everything climaxes he will come and comment.
Heh, nice one.
Brilliant!
cool!
Very good indeed, and judging by the pickup in Japanese Xbox sales (see topic in chat... they're outselling Xboxs), it appears that perhaps it's the English fotty supporters in Japan who are bunking the numbers up hoping that the Big Bro house is destroyed....
Is that true?
fosbe wrote:
> Is that true?
Despite the hilarity of the original post, THAT comment is the funniest thing I think I've ever read on these forums!
> Is that true?
Despite the hilarity of the original post, THAT comment is the funniest thing I think I've ever read on these forums!
RastaBillySkank wrote:
> fosbe wrote:
> Is that true?
>
> Despite the hilarity of the original post, THAT comment is the
> funniest thing I think I've ever read on these forums!
Thank you i always did no i was humerous, but that doesnt answer queston.
> fosbe wrote:
> Is that true?
>
> Despite the hilarity of the original post, THAT comment is the
> funniest thing I think I've ever read on these forums!
Thank you i always did no i was humerous, but that doesnt answer queston.
fosbe wrote:
> Is that true?
Would Microsoft have released an "Eviction Time" poster if I had made up the whole thing?
I think not.
> Is that true?
Would Microsoft have released an "Eviction Time" poster if I had made up the whole thing?
I think not.
Genius, well done.
Page: