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Fed up with the usual boring World Cup gubbings?
Read my Alternative World Cup A-Z.
A- AFTER GOAL CELEBRATIONS- We’ve had some good ones over the past few world cups. There was Bebeto’s baby cradling thing, Samba dancing from Nigeria, and who could forget Gazzas bottle drinking. In a similar vein England are going to do a tongue in cheek celebration this year called ‘the broken metatarsal’. Look out for that one.
B-BALLS - Do you all remember the interest over the ‘Addidas Questra’ balls that were used for the 94’ finals in the U.S.A? Well similar stories have been written about this years balls. I.e. they are lighter, they move faster and apparently curl more than the average ball. So expect loads of “that was meant to be a cross you jammy get!” type goals.
C- CHEERING- Expect a varying degree of cheering. From the England fans you’ll get things like. “the referees a w**ker!” and humorous reworkings of current pop tunes. From the Japanese fans you’ll get what sounds like a group of screaming girlies. Its true.
D-DIVING- A must nowadays in any worthy strikers repertoire. Couple the gracefulness of a ballerina with the acting skills of an A-team extra and you’ve got a class act. It is said that this year Italy will be going for the world record for the ‘most amount of rolls after a dubious foul’. The current record is 103 and is held by Diego Simeone. Will he hold on to his crown?
E-EXTRA TIME- Expect lots of it when England are losing. Not so much when we are winning as is always the way.
F-FOUL LANGUAGE- Otherwise known as the Universal language. You will find that when the camera goes for a close up on a player that has just had a penalty appeal turned down you will suddenly become an expert lip reader, and you will understand every word.
G-GOBBING- In the dry-heat of Japan and Korea where moisture is at a premium there will be plenty of this. Also expect the one nostril blow technique for the classier players.
H-HOGGING- Otherwise known as the ‘Gary Lineker’, goal hogging is an art. You will find that some players are always at the right place, at the right time. Ever ready to get their head, nose, shin, ar*e, on contact with the ball and sent it goal wards. Whatever it takes.
I-INJURIES- I think we know far too much about these as it is.
J-JUSTICE- This is an alien concept as far as the World cup goes. If you out play a team for 90 minutes then justice should reward you with a victory. Not so. As some famous ex t.v pundit once said, ‘it’s a funny old game’.
K-KIT- Look out this year for the ‘pretty boy’ skintight kits of Italy, and the revolutionary sleeveless kits of Cameroon.
L-LONGRANGE EFFORTS- The margin between success and failure is minute. Especially when attempting a thirty yard screamer. If it sails into row Z then at worst you’ll hear the chant of ‘glory, glory, hunter’. If it goes in then of course you have just watched a possible goal of the tournament. What a fickle mistress football is.
M-MISSES- What is just as good, if not better then witnessing a great goal? Witnessing an awful miss from one yard out. These kinds of incident provide the comedy relief in any competition. Especially if performed by Germany, Argentina or Emile Heskey.
N-NIL NIL- Should be a few of these.
O-OFFICIAL- Or referee. Linesman are now officially known as ‘assistant referees’ as if waving a flag wasn’t important enough they now have a title to match their obvious talents.
P-PITCH-The green thing that they play on.
Q-QUEUE- There will be queues for everything at Japan 2002. Queues to get in, queues for the loo’s and queues for the delicious half time Sushi. Hmmmm.
R-REFEREE- See official.
S-SUPERSTITION- Footballers are a very superstitious lot, performing many different pre kick off rituals. Apparently before every game Ronaldo places his lucky rabbits teeth in his mouth ,and plays the whole game with them in for good luck.
T-TACKLE- These vary from a perfectly timed game saving tackle, to a brutal career threatening chop.
U-US- The fans at home. Getting up at 7:00am to cheer on the boys.
V-VICTORY- The ultimate goal.
W-WHIPPING BOYS- Every World Cup there is a team that sucks more than any other. Leaking goals every game. Will it be Senegal, or Costa Rica now that the safe bet Scotland haven’t qualified?
X-XIE HUI- Little known Chinese striker and quite possibly the only thing in the tournament to begin with X. Phew.
Y-YEN- The Japanese currency. England fans will be using lots of these to buy well…um.. beer.
Z-ZINADINE ZIDANE-Debatably the best player at the tournament.
Thank you, and enjoy your world cup.
Read my Alternative World Cup A-Z.
A- AFTER GOAL CELEBRATIONS- We’ve had some good ones over the past few world cups. There was Bebeto’s baby cradling thing, Samba dancing from Nigeria, and who could forget Gazzas bottle drinking. In a similar vein England are going to do a tongue in cheek celebration this year called ‘the broken metatarsal’. Look out for that one.
B-BALLS - Do you all remember the interest over the ‘Addidas Questra’ balls that were used for the 94’ finals in the U.S.A? Well similar stories have been written about this years balls. I.e. they are lighter, they move faster and apparently curl more than the average ball. So expect loads of “that was meant to be a cross you jammy get!” type goals.
C- CHEERING- Expect a varying degree of cheering. From the England fans you’ll get things like. “the referees a w**ker!” and humorous reworkings of current pop tunes. From the Japanese fans you’ll get what sounds like a group of screaming girlies. Its true.
D-DIVING- A must nowadays in any worthy strikers repertoire. Couple the gracefulness of a ballerina with the acting skills of an A-team extra and you’ve got a class act. It is said that this year Italy will be going for the world record for the ‘most amount of rolls after a dubious foul’. The current record is 103 and is held by Diego Simeone. Will he hold on to his crown?
E-EXTRA TIME- Expect lots of it when England are losing. Not so much when we are winning as is always the way.
F-FOUL LANGUAGE- Otherwise known as the Universal language. You will find that when the camera goes for a close up on a player that has just had a penalty appeal turned down you will suddenly become an expert lip reader, and you will understand every word.
G-GOBBING- In the dry-heat of Japan and Korea where moisture is at a premium there will be plenty of this. Also expect the one nostril blow technique for the classier players.
H-HOGGING- Otherwise known as the ‘Gary Lineker’, goal hogging is an art. You will find that some players are always at the right place, at the right time. Ever ready to get their head, nose, shin, ar*e, on contact with the ball and sent it goal wards. Whatever it takes.
I-INJURIES- I think we know far too much about these as it is.
J-JUSTICE- This is an alien concept as far as the World cup goes. If you out play a team for 90 minutes then justice should reward you with a victory. Not so. As some famous ex t.v pundit once said, ‘it’s a funny old game’.
K-KIT- Look out this year for the ‘pretty boy’ skintight kits of Italy, and the revolutionary sleeveless kits of Cameroon.
L-LONGRANGE EFFORTS- The margin between success and failure is minute. Especially when attempting a thirty yard screamer. If it sails into row Z then at worst you’ll hear the chant of ‘glory, glory, hunter’. If it goes in then of course you have just watched a possible goal of the tournament. What a fickle mistress football is.
M-MISSES- What is just as good, if not better then witnessing a great goal? Witnessing an awful miss from one yard out. These kinds of incident provide the comedy relief in any competition. Especially if performed by Germany, Argentina or Emile Heskey.
N-NIL NIL- Should be a few of these.
O-OFFICIAL- Or referee. Linesman are now officially known as ‘assistant referees’ as if waving a flag wasn’t important enough they now have a title to match their obvious talents.
P-PITCH-The green thing that they play on.
Q-QUEUE- There will be queues for everything at Japan 2002. Queues to get in, queues for the loo’s and queues for the delicious half time Sushi. Hmmmm.
R-REFEREE- See official.
S-SUPERSTITION- Footballers are a very superstitious lot, performing many different pre kick off rituals. Apparently before every game Ronaldo places his lucky rabbits teeth in his mouth ,and plays the whole game with them in for good luck.
T-TACKLE- These vary from a perfectly timed game saving tackle, to a brutal career threatening chop.
U-US- The fans at home. Getting up at 7:00am to cheer on the boys.
V-VICTORY- The ultimate goal.
W-WHIPPING BOYS- Every World Cup there is a team that sucks more than any other. Leaking goals every game. Will it be Senegal, or Costa Rica now that the safe bet Scotland haven’t qualified?
X-XIE HUI- Little known Chinese striker and quite possibly the only thing in the tournament to begin with X. Phew.
Y-YEN- The Japanese currency. England fans will be using lots of these to buy well…um.. beer.
Z-ZINADINE ZIDANE-Debatably the best player at the tournament.
Thank you, and enjoy your world cup.
Tetchy wrote:
> P-PITCH-The green thing that they play on.
---
Well now, you don't say.
:D
Anyway, quite a good post to read.
> P-PITCH-The green thing that they play on.
---
Well now, you don't say.
:D
Anyway, quite a good post to read.
I think we may draw with the Argies, it happened with us only having 10 men last time.
Is anyone else missing any of the England matches? Thanks to the Jubilee I see the Sweden and Argentina games but miss the Nigeria one because I'm at school.
Is anyone else missing any of the England matches? Thanks to the Jubilee I see the Sweden and Argentina games but miss the Nigeria one because I'm at school.
Top stuff mate. Very enjoyable read.
And we will not lose to Argentina. *finger's crossed*
And we will not lose to Argentina. *finger's crossed*
Nice!! :)
What's your prediction on the Sweden match?
What's your prediction on the Sweden match?
Fed up with the usual boring World Cup gubbings?
Read my Alternative World Cup A-Z.
A- AFTER GOAL CELEBRATIONS- We’ve had some good ones over the past few world cups. There was Bebeto’s baby cradling thing, Samba dancing from Nigeria, and who could forget Gazzas bottle drinking. In a similar vein England are going to do a tongue in cheek celebration this year called ‘the broken metatarsal’. Look out for that one.
B-BALLS - Do you all remember the interest over the ‘Addidas Questra’ balls that were used for the 94’ finals in the U.S.A? Well similar stories have been written about this years balls. I.e. they are lighter, they move faster and apparently curl more than the average ball. So expect loads of “that was meant to be a cross you jammy get!” type goals.
C- CHEERING- Expect a varying degree of cheering. From the England fans you’ll get things like. “the referees a w**ker!” and humorous reworkings of current pop tunes. From the Japanese fans you’ll get what sounds like a group of screaming girlies. Its true.
D-DIVING- A must nowadays in any worthy strikers repertoire. Couple the gracefulness of a ballerina with the acting skills of an A-team extra and you’ve got a class act. It is said that this year Italy will be going for the world record for the ‘most amount of rolls after a dubious foul’. The current record is 103 and is held by Diego Simeone. Will he hold on to his crown?
E-EXTRA TIME- Expect lots of it when England are losing. Not so much when we are winning as is always the way.
F-FOUL LANGUAGE- Otherwise known as the Universal language. You will find that when the camera goes for a close up on a player that has just had a penalty appeal turned down you will suddenly become an expert lip reader, and you will understand every word.
G-GOBBING- In the dry-heat of Japan and Korea where moisture is at a premium there will be plenty of this. Also expect the one nostril blow technique for the classier players.
H-HOGGING- Otherwise known as the ‘Gary Lineker’, goal hogging is an art. You will find that some players are always at the right place, at the right time. Ever ready to get their head, nose, shin, ar*e, on contact with the ball and sent it goal wards. Whatever it takes.
I-INJURIES- I think we know far too much about these as it is.
J-JUSTICE- This is an alien concept as far as the World cup goes. If you out play a team for 90 minutes then justice should reward you with a victory. Not so. As some famous ex t.v pundit once said, ‘it’s a funny old game’.
K-KIT- Look out this year for the ‘pretty boy’ skintight kits of Italy, and the revolutionary sleeveless kits of Cameroon.
L-LONGRANGE EFFORTS- The margin between success and failure is minute. Especially when attempting a thirty yard screamer. If it sails into row Z then at worst you’ll hear the chant of ‘glory, glory, hunter’. If it goes in then of course you have just watched a possible goal of the tournament. What a fickle mistress football is.
M-MISSES- What is just as good, if not better then witnessing a great goal? Witnessing an awful miss from one yard out. These kinds of incident provide the comedy relief in any competition. Especially if performed by Germany, Argentina or Emile Heskey.
N-NIL NIL- Should be a few of these.
O-OFFICIAL- Or referee. Linesman are now officially known as ‘assistant referees’ as if waving a flag wasn’t important enough they now have a title to match their obvious talents.
P-PITCH-The green thing that they play on.
Q-QUEUE- There will be queues for everything at Japan 2002. Queues to get in, queues for the loo’s and queues for the delicious half time Sushi. Hmmmm.
R-REFEREE- See official.
S-SUPERSTITION- Footballers are a very superstitious lot, performing many different pre kick off rituals. Apparently before every game Ronaldo places his lucky rabbits teeth in his mouth ,and plays the whole game with them in for good luck.
T-TACKLE- These vary from a perfectly timed game saving tackle, to a brutal career threatening chop.
U-US- The fans at home. Getting up at 7:00am to cheer on the boys.
V-VICTORY- The ultimate goal.
W-WHIPPING BOYS- Every World Cup there is a team that sucks more than any other. Leaking goals every game. Will it be Senegal, or Costa Rica now that the safe bet Scotland haven’t qualified?
X-XIE HUI- Little known Chinese striker and quite possibly the only thing in the tournament to begin with X. Phew.
Y-YEN- The Japanese currency. England fans will be using lots of these to buy well…um.. beer.
Z-ZINADINE ZIDANE-Debatably the best player at the tournament.
Thank you, and enjoy your world cup.
Read my Alternative World Cup A-Z.
A- AFTER GOAL CELEBRATIONS- We’ve had some good ones over the past few world cups. There was Bebeto’s baby cradling thing, Samba dancing from Nigeria, and who could forget Gazzas bottle drinking. In a similar vein England are going to do a tongue in cheek celebration this year called ‘the broken metatarsal’. Look out for that one.
B-BALLS - Do you all remember the interest over the ‘Addidas Questra’ balls that were used for the 94’ finals in the U.S.A? Well similar stories have been written about this years balls. I.e. they are lighter, they move faster and apparently curl more than the average ball. So expect loads of “that was meant to be a cross you jammy get!” type goals.
C- CHEERING- Expect a varying degree of cheering. From the England fans you’ll get things like. “the referees a w**ker!” and humorous reworkings of current pop tunes. From the Japanese fans you’ll get what sounds like a group of screaming girlies. Its true.
D-DIVING- A must nowadays in any worthy strikers repertoire. Couple the gracefulness of a ballerina with the acting skills of an A-team extra and you’ve got a class act. It is said that this year Italy will be going for the world record for the ‘most amount of rolls after a dubious foul’. The current record is 103 and is held by Diego Simeone. Will he hold on to his crown?
E-EXTRA TIME- Expect lots of it when England are losing. Not so much when we are winning as is always the way.
F-FOUL LANGUAGE- Otherwise known as the Universal language. You will find that when the camera goes for a close up on a player that has just had a penalty appeal turned down you will suddenly become an expert lip reader, and you will understand every word.
G-GOBBING- In the dry-heat of Japan and Korea where moisture is at a premium there will be plenty of this. Also expect the one nostril blow technique for the classier players.
H-HOGGING- Otherwise known as the ‘Gary Lineker’, goal hogging is an art. You will find that some players are always at the right place, at the right time. Ever ready to get their head, nose, shin, ar*e, on contact with the ball and sent it goal wards. Whatever it takes.
I-INJURIES- I think we know far too much about these as it is.
J-JUSTICE- This is an alien concept as far as the World cup goes. If you out play a team for 90 minutes then justice should reward you with a victory. Not so. As some famous ex t.v pundit once said, ‘it’s a funny old game’.
K-KIT- Look out this year for the ‘pretty boy’ skintight kits of Italy, and the revolutionary sleeveless kits of Cameroon.
L-LONGRANGE EFFORTS- The margin between success and failure is minute. Especially when attempting a thirty yard screamer. If it sails into row Z then at worst you’ll hear the chant of ‘glory, glory, hunter’. If it goes in then of course you have just watched a possible goal of the tournament. What a fickle mistress football is.
M-MISSES- What is just as good, if not better then witnessing a great goal? Witnessing an awful miss from one yard out. These kinds of incident provide the comedy relief in any competition. Especially if performed by Germany, Argentina or Emile Heskey.
N-NIL NIL- Should be a few of these.
O-OFFICIAL- Or referee. Linesman are now officially known as ‘assistant referees’ as if waving a flag wasn’t important enough they now have a title to match their obvious talents.
P-PITCH-The green thing that they play on.
Q-QUEUE- There will be queues for everything at Japan 2002. Queues to get in, queues for the loo’s and queues for the delicious half time Sushi. Hmmmm.
R-REFEREE- See official.
S-SUPERSTITION- Footballers are a very superstitious lot, performing many different pre kick off rituals. Apparently before every game Ronaldo places his lucky rabbits teeth in his mouth ,and plays the whole game with them in for good luck.
T-TACKLE- These vary from a perfectly timed game saving tackle, to a brutal career threatening chop.
U-US- The fans at home. Getting up at 7:00am to cheer on the boys.
V-VICTORY- The ultimate goal.
W-WHIPPING BOYS- Every World Cup there is a team that sucks more than any other. Leaking goals every game. Will it be Senegal, or Costa Rica now that the safe bet Scotland haven’t qualified?
X-XIE HUI- Little known Chinese striker and quite possibly the only thing in the tournament to begin with X. Phew.
Y-YEN- The Japanese currency. England fans will be using lots of these to buy well…um.. beer.
Z-ZINADINE ZIDANE-Debatably the best player at the tournament.
Thank you, and enjoy your world cup.