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"Friday 24th of May"

Ever had one of those days which you wish could be subtracted from your life, one of those days where events are so bad that it often makes you wonder why days like this exist, and why in one go? Some say that it’s just in your mind, a few bad events that make the whole day appear awful and that it is just in your head. Well let me begin my tale of Friday 24th of May.

This was intended as a great day, it signaled the end of the hard revision week, the weekend was just around the corner with a Star Wars movie on Sunday and I also get the visit my sick Nan in hospital (who apparently died in the closing minutes of the notable election but was in fact very sick). Why I’m looking forward to my sick Nan? Well the fact is I adore my Nan but I believe she doesn’t think I do after failing to visit her on several occasions, and so this is my opportunity to change things. More notably the Friday is “free” a day off from work and exams and combined with the release of Super Smash Brothers: Melee a truly great day in the making. What you are about to hear is a personal account on what went wrong.

For starters what was so good about this particular day went sort of bad, Smash Brothers was released a day early and so there goes that excitement, oh well at least I get to play it. Only then to get the killer phone call, some of my exams clash and so for me they moved them around. 2 English exams and 1 Geography was moved onto the 24th May, I had already done some English revision (although not as much as I hoped) but I had done no Geography revision. I panicked, after taking hours trying to find out what an occluded front was I realized I am not going to revise well enough for this exam. So began the day of 4 and a half hour exams, 3 hours work, a Notable Hunter story to write and no time to play games. Despite this pessimistic outlook I was somewhat optimistic, at least my exams are out of the way and I can truly get the weekend I deserve. Well it all went wrong from the start, well nearly. 8:50 the exam start 8:10 I got up, after rushing through everything I ran to school, the day was sunny, well it was sunny until I got half way there where it started to bucket down. Here I am at school, with my set text drenched and unreadable, unrevised, tired and soaking, Getting into the exam admittedly on time I struggled not finishing the final question, I well and truly messed up half of the second exam making me feel a little useless. Now I have one hour to revise for Geography.

Now a good friend of mine named Emily now doesn’t like me, why? Damn good question “something she was told” she said. I wasted this hours revision trying to sort this out and then my heart dropped as the bell rang I was late. I dashed to the exam only to be humiliated by my teacher who held my hand to my table because I couldn’t find it. Now this is the only good part of the day, are you waiting for it? The exam I didn’t revise for and truly dreaded was easy, that’s right it was easy, the little information I did pick up from my teacher was enough to make the exam somewhat easy. Now the rain is still pouring and back I walk, tired and exhausted I get home and cannot wait to play Super Smash Brother’s Melee finally escaping the day, which I was already dubbing awful only to find my brother on the Cube and a note saying “cook dinner” oh well sod that! And then I get to work, oh my god do I regret this, unfed, tired, worn out I turn up for work and what do I get, moaned at. I’m not working fast enough, I should have done this and that by now, stop talking, and I’m tempted to give you your marching orders. Why couldn’t one part go by easily, I was tired, I was exhausted and I really didn’t have the energy and boy did I know about it!

So there we have it day over, as my boss finally said, “Right pack away” I was delighted, home time, Internet time, and bedtime. Even the long bike ride home was a little easier knowing that the day was finally over, a bit disappointed but the weekend will bring about better things. And now here comes the biggest blow that would make any day bad, but something that makes a bad day even worse then your on to CBFD proportions. I get home, I park my bike go upstairs and throw my bag down collapsing on my bed. The house was strangely silent despite me noticing my Dad and my Mum in the living room. I feel a little concerned when my door begins to open slightly and there, on all fours is my seven year old brother wearing a blue dressing gown and tear in his eyes, “Nannies gone” he said, I turn and look at him startled “Nannies gone” he repeated before going back downstairs. Shocked I truly was, why has she gone, what does he mean? Gone where? Does he mean she’s dead?? And then my father walks in confirming my worst fears “Your Nan died… about 8” Before descending back downstairs. And then I was left utterly gutted, now my Nan will never know that I truly do love her and I’m not missing her deliberately, she was such a kind woman whom despite being poor always gave generously to all her family. And I really can’t imagine her gone; you will not believe how hard it is for me writing this right now.

And to make it worse the only reason she died was because the Doctor’s didn’t explain to her what was happening she didn’t understand why they wanted to do things (like remove her tonsils) and so told them to go hop it. But she had a mild cancer, so mild it killed her and I remember my Mum telling me that she told granddad “Let them take out my tonsils, they can do whatever just let me live.” And looking back on that I can’t help but cry. And so here I am now, in the last hour of Friday 244h of May, crying. Something, which I never thought a day, could do.

Dringo.

I know what you're going through. I'm in Swansea at my aunt's house, and I'm here because my grandmother died while I was watching Star Wars on the first day it came out. Her funeral was about 3 hours ago. I didn't cry, but my dad did, and my three aunts, and it's been a bit of an emotional time, basically. I feel better now, because I've escaped from it all to the internet, but it's terrible having to lose a grandmother. I feel for you, as well.

I feel for you. Sometimes things seem to happen all at once, good things as well as bad, but that doesn't really help what you feel.

When someone dies, especially someone close, you just feel a hole opens up inside you. My grandmother died in hospital while my brother and I were staying at my other grandmother's house. I so wanted to be there and thought of all the times I never really told her how I felt.

I take comfort in the fact that I believe in an afterlife, but that doesn't really comfort others that don't. All I can offer is my condolences.

My uncle died a few weeks ago of cancer. I was at uni at the time. I had seen him over Easter, he was weak, but I thought it was due to the drugs he was taking. I went away with my friends for the last week of my break, then my parents picked me up and took me straight up to uni. On the way they told me I would have to come back at some point for the funeral.

I couldn't believe it. I had never really said goodbye. He held out for another three weeks, against all the doctors predictions. I had to keep phoning home each night for over a week, basically to ask if it had happened yet. For the last few days I kept on being told "probably tonight". It was awful.

Then I had to go off for the weekend to play in a big sporting event for the uni. On the Sunday, with the competition really hotting up, it happened.

I remember it exactly. We were all sitting out on a grass bank, watching some of the guys play some cricket. I was sitting with one of my friends and team mate. It was a gorgeous hot day, the overall scores were really tight, it was going to be a great day. Then my mobile started to ring. I looked at the screen. "Oh no." The one word flashed back at me. Home. I knew what it was going to be. I didn't want to answer. Last night, about 11pm. The funeral will probably be Friday.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know how you feel about the whole not getting to say goodbye thing. Sometimes I'm annoyed that my parents didn't make it clearer that I wouldn't get another chance. But, in other ways, I'm quite happy.

I saw my uncle twice over that Easter break. Both times he was tired and weak. I don't count that person I saw as my uncle. For me the last time I saw him was over Xmas. He was feeling really well at the time. He was at work, in his shop. He was smiling and happy.

I just hope that you can do this too. By not seeing your nan you can remember how she would want to be remembered. I know my uncle would prefer me to remember him in this way.

If you want to talk to me about this more, just let me know.

I really feel sorry for you lot. I've never lost anyone in my family, but I feel it won't be long now, as my grandad suffers from a disease, which may eventually make him go blind. My parents split when I was younger, and that took a mental toll on me very badly. I really wish I could relate to you lot, but unfortunately, I can't.

I feel for you Dringo, it must have taken a hell of a lot of courage to type that, talk about it and face it on the same day.

And don't worry about your Nan not knowing you loved her. I'm sure she knew in her heart you did, and it wasn't your fault you couldn't go visit her.

I remember one day. It was a Thursday, and I was ill off school. It was four years ago I think, I must have been 12. I think it must have been some time in October, because my Brother had had his Birthday that year, but I hadn't had mine. I remember sitting on my bed, playing Mario Kart 64, and the phone rang. I got up to answer it, but by the time I was out of my room it had stopped. My Mother then came half way up the stairs, she was visibly shaken, she told me Grandad thought he'd had a heart attack and she needed to go to his house. My brother wasn't back from school and she was worried about leaving keys and stuff with the neighbors. She asked me if I wanted to come, and I desperately wanted to go, but I could see she wanted to go quickly, and I wanted to help so I said I'd stay, so my Brother could get in after school.

Mum must have only recently learnt to drive. Before that she had no car. Every Friday she went shopping, and my Grandad would drive over, pick her up, and take her to the Tesco in Ryde.

After Mum left I went back to playing Mario Kart 64 for a moment. I remember the exact level, the ice one, with all the penguins on it. But suddenly it hit me, and I lay back on my bed and cried. I don't know how long I cried for, but then I just completely denied it. "He can't die." I thought. And I just carried on playing.

My Brother came home and asked where Mum was, I told him Grandad wasn't very well, and she'd gone over to his house. Even then I couldn't bring myself to say it was something serious. But I think somehow my Brother knew it was.

Hours passed, I was scared, I kept wishing I had gone, at least I would have known what was happening. I heard the door open, I rushed downstairs, and saw my Mum, already hugging my Brother, and my Mums best friend standing nearby, but no Grandad. I rushed to my Mum, and began to cry uncontrollably. I didn't need to be told. I knew by her face.

I remember lying on the settee, burying my face in a pillow and just sobbing. At some point the phone rang, but I barely registered it. It was one of my best friends, my Mum answered and asked me if I wanted to talk to him. I just shook my head, I felt like my throat was swollen and choking me, I couldn't speak.

I don't remember going to sleep, but I do remember my dream. It hadn't been real, Grandad was just ill, his death had been fake. He was sitting in the chair downstairs, I was siting on the floor looking up at him. When I awoke, I still half believed, and when the truth dawned I think I cried again. I still sometimes dream of him, forever sitting in that chair downstairs in the lounge.

It had been a Thursday. Friday I didn't go to school. Monday I did, as I got in, another friend asked how my weekend had gone, what I had done. My throat felt swollen, and I felt strangled again. I couldn't speak. I just remember him asking if I had played my N64, and me just shaking my head, feeling helpless to his questions. I sat down and I began to cry. The teacher called my name in the register and I couldn't answer.

I still wonder if I did the right thing staying. I wish I could've said goodbye. But I know my Mum did. She spoke to him before he went. I remember her telling us that even at the hospital he had told my Mum that if he didn't make it, there was a ticket or whatever in his pocket for a horse he had bet on that had won, and it'd be worth a couple of quid.

Enough of my rambling Dringo. Sorry, I'm sure she knew you loved her, I dunno if any of this post will help you in any way, it certainly has made me think a lot. I've spent long enough thinking and typing this post so I'll end it here. Bye for now.

I'm very sorry to hear that, and I know exactly how you must be feeling.

When I was much, much younger, I lived in Devon, whilst most my aunts, uncles and grandparents lived in Cardiff. Every opportunity available, my dad would drive us all to Cardiff to see the family, and I used to love it. A chance to see my uncles, aunts, cousins and to my delight, "Nanny", my grandmother whom I believe to be one of the kindest people to have ever walked this Earth.

At birthday times, Nanny would always send me the nicest card with the biggest amount of money in, and at Christmas time she'd always have lots of presents for me and my brother. I didn't actually care about the money though, it was the fact she was so generous and loved me and my brother so much.

One day, when I was 9, sat in the car along the M5, then the M4 heading to Wales, crossing the Severn Bridge, I asked my mum, "Where we going first?" She told me we were going to her mothers to stay the week, bearing in mind Nanny was my dad's mother. I was a little confused as Nanny's house was bigger and there was more room for us to stay in.

Anyway, upon arrival to my other grandmother's house, all but my grandmother went up to the room where we were staying, and my mum told me and my brother to sit down. As I sat down, my mum's eyes began to water. Me and my brother had no knowledge of what had happened.

"Nanny's gone with the Angels" my mum said. I first looked confused. Only a couple months before, she was perfectly healthy, or so she seemed. My dad didn't say a word, I don't think he could. I slowly grasped onto the meaning of my mum's words and started crying. I had a soft toy fox with me that she had given me a few years before that I used to take with me to bed every night, and I just held that tight to my chest, and cried. My brother didn't show his emotions right away, and he, my mum and dad all walked downstairs leaving me lying in a fetal position, hugging this fox, crying.

She died of thrombosis in the leg, and because she didn't like to go to the doctors and hated the thought of going to a hospital, she did her best to hide the discomfort she felt from what we now know was around 2 years. She had once collapsed in the middle of the road with it, but didn't realise the cause was so dangerous.

When she was taken to hospital, my aunt phoned my dad and he went straight to Cardiff. By the time he arrived, she had passed away. It wasn't til a week later my dad came back to Devon and took us up to Cardiff. She died at age 63 and she didn't deserve to go at such a young age.

I am not a religious person, but I believe she watches over me and I think of her every day. She brought so much joy to my life, was so caring to everyone she knew, that there was no way a bad thought about her could enter your mind. Sometimes, in the night, even 8 years after she died, I still talk out loud, like a whisper as I'm lying in bed just to tell her I still love her. I didn't say it much to her as a child, so I hope that somewhere, somehow she knows it. I still have the toy fox she gave me as a child, of which I for some reason called "Bozzy".

I've never ever talked about this to anyone except my best friend Mark (whom you know on here as Dark Mark), and I've got a mixture of emotions and thoughts running through my head as I'm typing this. If I could be like anyone at all, it would be like Nanny. I don't want to be famous, or rich, I just want to be like Nanny.

So Dringo, please take this in. You will never get over your grandmothers death completely, and that's a good thing. She will always be with you in your mind and in your heart. Just make sure you do one thing at least....never forget and she will always be a part of you, as my grandmother I feel is still a part of me.

Man,I really feel for you there. When things like that happen you kinda have to wander about the meaning of life and about stuff you never really had an opportunity to think before. It makes all the other things feel irrelevant and unimportant.

I know its hard for you and for the rest of your family, but you must always be positive about life and the future. Your nan must have had a wonderful life where she enjoyed many things. Unfortunately this was a sad example of how much improvement the NHS needs for one. It must be a difficult patch for you now,but if you feel positive, do not give up and be determined you will pull through this one. Good luck

I don't know what to say. I can't say I know what you're going through because I don't. All I can offer is a listening ear. Message me on MSN if you need to talk about.

Puts my post to shame *hugs* Crying is good :) I haven't lost anyone close to me, so I can't really indentify...But..oh..all I can offer is a nice big tissue to wipe your eyes and a hug.

*hugs*

I don't have much to say to that. That is a terrible day. Worse than mine.

Sorry Dringo. Very well written. Hope it helped typing it.