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Why can't she answer? Just sits there staring at me asking me, "What have you done?'. I feel such anger such hatred, and I know that I shouldn't.
I ask for help, rarely do I ask 'her' for help. Nothing, no motion, just this glazed look over her already glazed eyes. There she is in that same cycle. Then, when her son (my halve brother) arrives, she gets up and smiles and helps him out with no obvious problems whatsoever. She whispers to him a lie and says I am a bit ill. I am not ill. She is. Then he goes and she sits back down and turns the television on. I feel no emotion anymore, just stand there near tears. Goodbye mum.
What do I do? I pelt up the stairs and find sanctuary once again on this computer at these forums.
It shouldn't be this way, but it is. He is always shouting and is hurting me because I sit on the computers and play games way too much. What else would he prefer I do? Go out and get drunk and arrested. Go out in as foul a mood as I have been today and if someone were to step in my way I would punch their insides out. God, I hate this feeling of not being able to control anything.
Last night I sent an email. An email that is giving me hope, if I don't get in, if they don't accept me into university over there, I know it will be the most painful and hurtful time. I will get through it, when preparing myself for the worst (which is what I do now), you know someday there will be better.
I still can't believe it. That idiot left years ago. I ask for help. No answer. He turns up. Gets it.
I ask for help, rarely do I ask 'her' for help. Nothing, no motion, just this glazed look over her already glazed eyes. There she is in that same cycle. Then, when her son (my halve brother) arrives, she gets up and smiles and helps him out with no obvious problems whatsoever. She whispers to him a lie and says I am a bit ill. I am not ill. She is. Then he goes and she sits back down and turns the television on. I feel no emotion anymore, just stand there near tears. Goodbye mum.
What do I do? I pelt up the stairs and find sanctuary once again on this computer at these forums.
It shouldn't be this way, but it is. He is always shouting and is hurting me because I sit on the computers and play games way too much. What else would he prefer I do? Go out and get drunk and arrested. Go out in as foul a mood as I have been today and if someone were to step in my way I would punch their insides out. God, I hate this feeling of not being able to control anything.
Last night I sent an email. An email that is giving me hope, if I don't get in, if they don't accept me into university over there, I know it will be the most painful and hurtful time. I will get through it, when preparing myself for the worst (which is what I do now), you know someday there will be better.
I still can't believe it. That idiot left years ago. I ask for help. No answer. He turns up. Gets it.
Good luck man. I can't pretend to know how you are feeling because its not something I can relate to. I really hope you get your university place, been through that experience of 'waiting' myself.
You deserve it though. I haven't been here very long but in the time I have been here, I have noticed a few things about you. You have a brilliant mind - some of the things you do and come out with make me laugh like hell and others just make me think about things I never knew existed. Your ability and understanding surpasses most other people I know. (oh, and you are poo at games..... allegedly ;-) )
You are better than these people. To be honest, they don't deserve you and you certainly don't need them. I know its hard to come to terms with when it your own mother but when it comes to it, you can either feel sorry for yourself or make something of your life. I think I have learned enough about you to realise that you are strong and you will suceed. Its good to see you are planning your life out already, without those you care about most, even if it is painful.
'Snowdrops are all different.....' ;-)
Be the individual you are and I know you'll suceed.
Good luck man.
You deserve it though. I haven't been here very long but in the time I have been here, I have noticed a few things about you. You have a brilliant mind - some of the things you do and come out with make me laugh like hell and others just make me think about things I never knew existed. Your ability and understanding surpasses most other people I know. (oh, and you are poo at games..... allegedly ;-) )
You are better than these people. To be honest, they don't deserve you and you certainly don't need them. I know its hard to come to terms with when it your own mother but when it comes to it, you can either feel sorry for yourself or make something of your life. I think I have learned enough about you to realise that you are strong and you will suceed. Its good to see you are planning your life out already, without those you care about most, even if it is painful.
'Snowdrops are all different.....' ;-)
Be the individual you are and I know you'll suceed.
Good luck man.
The best thing to do is leave...
Leave for two-three years, may not be possible even if it is getting ajob in a supermarket in Yorkshire, do it. Then come back.
Leave for two-three years, may not be possible even if it is getting ajob in a supermarket in Yorkshire, do it. Then come back.
Joby. Mate. Its gonna be ok. Dont worry. Be calm. I feel like that sometimes, when my dad complains at me for being on the computer too much, I just say, "Would you rather me be outside on the streets taking drugs, drinking and being arrested?"
Shuts him up straight away.
Shuts him up straight away.
I feel like that sometimes too, but I turn my negative stuff into postive, by finding my weights and "pumping some iron" to get all the agressiveness out of me, incase I crack someone for looking at my funny
University of Los Angeles.
I'm not really sure what to say to that. What university?
Why can't she answer? Just sits there staring at me asking me, "What have you done?'. I feel such anger such hatred, and I know that I shouldn't.
I ask for help, rarely do I ask 'her' for help. Nothing, no motion, just this glazed look over her already glazed eyes. There she is in that same cycle. Then, when her son (my halve brother) arrives, she gets up and smiles and helps him out with no obvious problems whatsoever. She whispers to him a lie and says I am a bit ill. I am not ill. She is. Then he goes and she sits back down and turns the television on. I feel no emotion anymore, just stand there near tears. Goodbye mum.
What do I do? I pelt up the stairs and find sanctuary once again on this computer at these forums.
It shouldn't be this way, but it is. He is always shouting and is hurting me because I sit on the computers and play games way too much. What else would he prefer I do? Go out and get drunk and arrested. Go out in as foul a mood as I have been today and if someone were to step in my way I would punch their insides out. God, I hate this feeling of not being able to control anything.
Last night I sent an email. An email that is giving me hope, if I don't get in, if they don't accept me into university over there, I know it will be the most painful and hurtful time. I will get through it, when preparing myself for the worst (which is what I do now), you know someday there will be better.
I still can't believe it. That idiot left years ago. I ask for help. No answer. He turns up. Gets it.
I ask for help, rarely do I ask 'her' for help. Nothing, no motion, just this glazed look over her already glazed eyes. There she is in that same cycle. Then, when her son (my halve brother) arrives, she gets up and smiles and helps him out with no obvious problems whatsoever. She whispers to him a lie and says I am a bit ill. I am not ill. She is. Then he goes and she sits back down and turns the television on. I feel no emotion anymore, just stand there near tears. Goodbye mum.
What do I do? I pelt up the stairs and find sanctuary once again on this computer at these forums.
It shouldn't be this way, but it is. He is always shouting and is hurting me because I sit on the computers and play games way too much. What else would he prefer I do? Go out and get drunk and arrested. Go out in as foul a mood as I have been today and if someone were to step in my way I would punch their insides out. God, I hate this feeling of not being able to control anything.
Last night I sent an email. An email that is giving me hope, if I don't get in, if they don't accept me into university over there, I know it will be the most painful and hurtful time. I will get through it, when preparing myself for the worst (which is what I do now), you know someday there will be better.
I still can't believe it. That idiot left years ago. I ask for help. No answer. He turns up. Gets it.