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The 2002 FIFA World Cup kicks off next week, and I bet half of you don't even have a clue about some of the great players that will no doubt turn out to be the stars of the show. I'm not talking about the Zidane's, Beckham's and Rivaldo's of the world, no, I'm here to introduce you to the lesser known names, the real World Cup danger men!
No.1: Fernando N'o N'o L'mits: Senegal. This strong centre back is likely to feature heavily in all of Senegal's matches, and I mean heavily, for Fernando weighs in at over 20 stone. Attackers will have difficulty gettign past his huge frame, being too wide to go round, and too high to climb over. Opponents shout also be wary of his powerful shot, but as it akes a good 20 minutes for him to get to the other end of the pitch, this is unlikely to be witnessed unless Senegal earn a penalty, or free-kick in a suitable area.
No.2: Sun Shien: China. This bright young star looks certain to light up the tournament with his dazzling runs and red-hot shot. Measuring in at 4'6" he's amongst China's tallest players, and can be a real danger from crosses. Against a team of midgets. With wooden legs.
No.3: Alfonso Bonso: Ecuador. This pacey full back will no doubt dazzle fans the world over with his acts of ball juggling and other such trickery, including flicking the ball up and carrying it in his shirt. His extra long feet, equivolent to a size 20 UK sizes, allow for some amazing feet feats. Watch also for his trick of getting other players to sniff a flower, only to have it squirt water at them.
No.4: STRK-2002: Japan. The Japanese FA have laughed off claims that STRK-2002 is actually an android, stating that the player just had very odd parents. Who are now dead. And no trace of them can be found. Apparently it's perfectly natural for some human beings to be able to stretch their necks to reach a ball. Seeing STRK-2002's neck increase by as much as a foot makes him a real danger in the air, and his shot has extraordinary powers behind it, combining this with incredible accuracy, Surely his penalty box cries of 'go-go-gadget neck' will become a terrace favourite. even though they don't have terraces, as such, in Japanese stadiums.
No.5: Juan-José-Louis Garcia-Sanchez: Mexico. At only 7 years of age, The Little Jaun, as he has become known, is no doubt going to be the youngest player on display, but don't let that fool you. His razor sharp claws allow him to tunnel his way beneath the pitch, and past the defence, beating the offside trap on many occasions, making him a real danger. His lack of pace isn't as issue, as often defenders won't know exactly where he is under the pitch to be able to stop him. He was top scorer in the Mexican league this season, with 92 goals.
No.6: Kim Ye: South Korea. At 306 years old Kim Ye is hardly a spring chicken, but his telekenetic abilities could well be the key to South Korea's progress, and indeed their first win ever, in the tournament. The only problem for South Korea could be keeping him alive throughout the competition. One misplaced tackle could disintergrate Kim's feeble bone structure, but as he will control the ball with him mind rather than physically, this isn't though to be a problem. What could be a problem is the putting on of the match kit without doing serious injury to his hube brain, which is exposed in several places through his worn skull.
No.7: Hakan McCraken: Turkey. Hakan was also eligable to play international football for Scotland, having a Scottish father and a Turkish mother. As he tears down the pitch with his flame red hair dancing away the sound of bagpipes may well emerge from the crowd as his proud father plays for him. Growing up on the streets of Glasgow, Hakan is not one to be messed with, and he'l use his head to attack anything in the area, and not just the ball. Not only a threat to goal, also a threat to any player hoping to leave the stadium in anything other than an ambulance.
No.8: Tad O'Hanra'Hanrahan: USA. The lynchpin of the USA teams midfield, taking the ball from defenders, and issuing to the frontmen with only the effiency that an ex-US Army general could have. Unfortunately Tad holds the record for most own goals scored in a game, putting 5 past his own keeperin a friendly against Burkino Faso. He sings constantly throughout the matches, inspiring his 'troops' to victory, such classic ditties as "We gonna get so lots of goals, and beat this useless team of Poles". He's currently trying to come up with ryhmes for South Korea, but has been threatened with a FIFA ban if he doesn't keep it clean.
No.1: Fernando N'o N'o L'mits: Senegal. This strong centre back is likely to feature heavily in all of Senegal's matches, and I mean heavily, for Fernando weighs in at over 20 stone. Attackers will have difficulty gettign past his huge frame, being too wide to go round, and too high to climb over. Opponents shout also be wary of his powerful shot, but as it akes a good 20 minutes for him to get to the other end of the pitch, this is unlikely to be witnessed unless Senegal earn a penalty, or free-kick in a suitable area.
No.2: Sun Shien: China. This bright young star looks certain to light up the tournament with his dazzling runs and red-hot shot. Measuring in at 4'6" he's amongst China's tallest players, and can be a real danger from crosses. Against a team of midgets. With wooden legs.
No.3: Alfonso Bonso: Ecuador. This pacey full back will no doubt dazzle fans the world over with his acts of ball juggling and other such trickery, including flicking the ball up and carrying it in his shirt. His extra long feet, equivolent to a size 20 UK sizes, allow for some amazing feet feats. Watch also for his trick of getting other players to sniff a flower, only to have it squirt water at them.
No.4: STRK-2002: Japan. The Japanese FA have laughed off claims that STRK-2002 is actually an android, stating that the player just had very odd parents. Who are now dead. And no trace of them can be found. Apparently it's perfectly natural for some human beings to be able to stretch their necks to reach a ball. Seeing STRK-2002's neck increase by as much as a foot makes him a real danger in the air, and his shot has extraordinary powers behind it, combining this with incredible accuracy, Surely his penalty box cries of 'go-go-gadget neck' will become a terrace favourite. even though they don't have terraces, as such, in Japanese stadiums.
No.5: Juan-José-Louis Garcia-Sanchez: Mexico. At only 7 years of age, The Little Jaun, as he has become known, is no doubt going to be the youngest player on display, but don't let that fool you. His razor sharp claws allow him to tunnel his way beneath the pitch, and past the defence, beating the offside trap on many occasions, making him a real danger. His lack of pace isn't as issue, as often defenders won't know exactly where he is under the pitch to be able to stop him. He was top scorer in the Mexican league this season, with 92 goals.
No.6: Kim Ye: South Korea. At 306 years old Kim Ye is hardly a spring chicken, but his telekenetic abilities could well be the key to South Korea's progress, and indeed their first win ever, in the tournament. The only problem for South Korea could be keeping him alive throughout the competition. One misplaced tackle could disintergrate Kim's feeble bone structure, but as he will control the ball with him mind rather than physically, this isn't though to be a problem. What could be a problem is the putting on of the match kit without doing serious injury to his hube brain, which is exposed in several places through his worn skull.
No.7: Hakan McCraken: Turkey. Hakan was also eligable to play international football for Scotland, having a Scottish father and a Turkish mother. As he tears down the pitch with his flame red hair dancing away the sound of bagpipes may well emerge from the crowd as his proud father plays for him. Growing up on the streets of Glasgow, Hakan is not one to be messed with, and he'l use his head to attack anything in the area, and not just the ball. Not only a threat to goal, also a threat to any player hoping to leave the stadium in anything other than an ambulance.
No.8: Tad O'Hanra'Hanrahan: USA. The lynchpin of the USA teams midfield, taking the ball from defenders, and issuing to the frontmen with only the effiency that an ex-US Army general could have. Unfortunately Tad holds the record for most own goals scored in a game, putting 5 past his own keeperin a friendly against Burkino Faso. He sings constantly throughout the matches, inspiring his 'troops' to victory, such classic ditties as "We gonna get so lots of goals, and beat this useless team of Poles". He's currently trying to come up with ryhmes for South Korea, but has been threatened with a FIFA ban if he doesn't keep it clean.
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Guess you were right, this was the best thing you wrote on that day! ;D
Well done.
Well done.
Cool Post one more win and you will be sitting above PB at the top of the GAD winners list.
Gee, you really DID miss me!
Cheers SR, and to all that said nice things.
Cheers SR, and to all that said nice things.
Brilliance!
LMAO @ that!
LMAO @ that!
they are tho (in a sarcastic way)
lol
LOL!
Very, very funny.
Very, very funny.
they are dangerous players
"Fernando N'o N'o L'mits" - What an abso-frickin'-lutely great name!!
Will there 'be no limits' as to what he'll do to stop the opposition from taking all 3 points!???
And will England even have a team to fear these guys!??? :S
Will there 'be no limits' as to what he'll do to stop the opposition from taking all 3 points!???
And will England even have a team to fear these guys!??? :S
Heh, they are super dangerous players. I always expected Japan would use androids first.
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