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"A Small Collection..."

Here's a little collection of poems that I've written over the past few years but have only posted on another board (and a few of them in 'Your Words')

Shadowlands

This place they call the Shadowlands,
It’s all burnt out and wasted,
The last fuel was used a long time ago,
And only the wrecked husks remain,

Isolated, Desiccated,

Surrounded by quaint villages,
Yet still all alone,
A burning passion,
For restoration,

But it’ll never come about

They’ve given up on the Shadowlands,
It’s all just a memory now,
And while a few clingers-on,
Still remain,

Everyone else has left

Even though its apocalyptic beauty shines through,
Those with eyes still cannot see,
Only those with a soul,
Are aware of its grace,

Isolated, Desiccated,

That is how the Shadowlands remain,
Forever holding their peace,
Destroyed,
But still alive,

The minds of the inflicted and the hurt,
Still to this day hold it within their hearts
And shall till the black wave of death,
Comes crashing over them, consuming them

~~~~~~~~~

My Outer Shell

I lie here,
In my cocoon,
Scared to come out,
Almost agraphobic,
For they will be there,

But my image projected,
Is one of bravery?
One of courage?
One of honour?

It's a first impression,
But you only get to make one,

And as I lie here,
Day in, Day out,
Thoughts flash across the wasteland of my mind,
Like a Lightning bolt in a thunderstorm,

Suddenly I'm illuminated,
The fear is gone,
For now at least

I feel free,
That freedom I've yearned for,
Ever since ever,
I've wanted to break free,

Tomorrow
I've conquered my fear,
Tomorrow will be the first day,
The first day of the rest of my life,

It's tomorrow today,
I'm free,
But I'm scared,
Can I go outside?
Will they still be there?

I thought I had it beat,
That fear,
That worry,
That anxiety,
But I don't

I'm still scared to go outside,
I'm still worried for my life,
I'm still anxious about judgement

So back into my cocoon I crawl,
To hide for another day,

~~~~~~~~~

Only Skin Deep

I step outside,
And they judge me,

I vent my feelings,
And they judge me,

I go about my buisness,
And they judge me,

They judge me, my right to exist,
They judge me, my right to live

I try to keep out of their way,
And they judge me,

I avoid them,
And they judge me,

I shout and scream,
And they judge me,

They judge me, on my actions,
They judge me, on how I look,

The things they judge me on,
The things they see,
They only go skin deep,

I have been judged,
Not from the inside,

My inner peace is disturbed,
Because they judge me,

But they only judge,
Skin deep,

Who is shallow?
The judged?

They judge me,
In fear of being judged,

Me insecure?

I don't judge,
At least not from looking at the outside,

Inside is the place,
Look inside,
Don't judge,
From only the skin

~~~~~~~~~

Borrowed Clothes

Drifting in and out of existence,
And consciousness,
I’m here,
But only on auto-pilot,
For, At the moment,
I exist solely in borrowed clothes,
I hide in my shell,
Safely in my comforting womb,
Shying from the daylight,
I look better in darkness anyway,

But when the night comes,
When the busy day is washed away with a tsunami of twilight
I eventually appear,
And go about my business,
Not getting in anyone’s way,
Keeping my head down,

I’m ambivalent,
Not angry, nor happy, nor sad,
I just am,
In these loaned threads,
And,
Although I’m here,
You’ll never spot me,
For I hide,
Within the umbra.

~~~~~~~~

Insomnia

These days go by so fast,
They smudge,
And run into one another,
Like wet paint on wet paint,
The colours joining,
Blurring,
Blue and Black,
Night and Day,
Those two words have no meaning anymore,
Because the days collide with each other,
I can’t tell where one ends,
And where the other begins,
Like a mountain lake,
So clear,
You can’t tell where the sky ends,
And the shimmering,
Icy,
Cold,
Water begins,
I stare up a the stars,
I stare up a the stars until they disappear,
To be replaced by a star,
Closer though,
Stars go,
And a star comes,
I can’t differentiate between the days you see,
Because there’s always a stare shining brightly,
In my life,
Abstract,
Thoughts,
Litter,
My,
Mind,
Unfortunately,
My cerebral garbage men,
Are asleep,
Like I should be,
But I’m not,
Because,
As soon as I touch my head on my pillow,
My body begins to flood with energy,
That I am deprived of,
During the Blue time,
But Blue’s too light to sleep under

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A MoonLight River

When that tsunami of darkness,
Crashes over this dreary land,
And the animals that can walk and talk,
Go to bed for the night,

The moon comes out,
Finally getting a look in,
No longer blocked by the Sun,
And glows,

Exuberant in its existence,
It shines its torch,
A Moonlight River,
Cascades down from the heavens,
Gushing down onto the Earth
And tries to wash the pain away,

Gently ebbing down from on high,
It flows,
And its sediment is are emotions,
And its tributaries are our prayers,
And its watershed is our dreams,

And when the morning comes,
The river will no longer exist,
And we will be able to carry on,
For just that one more day

~~~~~~~~~~~

It's quite funny to look back at them myself and read them as the earliest one from these was written 21 months ago according to MS Word. Very odd...

Gangsta Hamsta wrote:
> Some of them were 21 months ago? So you were 11? Top stuff mate.

Thanks. Funny really looking back at them all as I haven't read a few of them myself for a while.
>
> Seems to be a common them running through a few of them - especially
> the 'outter shell' and 'only skin deep' ones. That feeling and fear of
> being judged by man. A fear which locks you down and feels so damn
> restrictive. You describe it well.

Cheers, they were both written at a time when I was feeling VERY insecure as all my friends treated me as an outsider because I was going to a different school than them. Asholes :-)
>
> Do you write from experience?

Yes. All of the things I write have actually happened, are how I feel or have felt. They are all about me, call me self-absorbed if you wish :-D


I've never really seen you discuss what
> your writings are inspired by.

That's because I feel that, generally, the meaning of a poem or song spoils it for someone else, as words that I write and mean something to me can mean something totally different to another person, and I hate to shatter that.

I started writing poems when I was 11. Then I was writingabout things that usually just popped into my head. Then, last year when I was 12, I went through a VERY rough patch. And the two things that kept me going through it were the Counting Crows and my poetry. That's why I hold the Crows so close to my heart and that's why I love writing so damn much.

You certainly have your own style - I
> like the way you use those 1 word sentances (generally adjectives) to
> continue a theme.

Heh, a lot of people comment on that I like having my own style :-)
>
> Top stuff here mate.

Thanks again.

You have a gift, a way with words and if you abuse it or forget it I will beat you.
:-)

Seriously, you have a talent, I don't know where it comes from and what you have experienced or felt and to be honest I only care a bit (as you are a good friend), but you definately for such a young age have a way with words. So keep it up and I'll be happy.

Some of them were 21 months ago? So you were 11? Top stuff mate.

Seems to be a common them running through a few of them - especially the 'outter shell' and 'only skin deep' ones. That feeling and fear of being judged by man. A fear which locks you down and feels so damn restrictive. You describe it well.

Do you write from experience? I've never really seen you discuss what your writings are inspired by. You certainly have your own style - I like the way you use those 1 word sentances (generally adjectives) to continue a theme.

Top stuff here mate.

Here's a little collection of poems that I've written over the past few years but have only posted on another board (and a few of them in 'Your Words')

Shadowlands

This place they call the Shadowlands,
It’s all burnt out and wasted,
The last fuel was used a long time ago,
And only the wrecked husks remain,

Isolated, Desiccated,

Surrounded by quaint villages,
Yet still all alone,
A burning passion,
For restoration,

But it’ll never come about

They’ve given up on the Shadowlands,
It’s all just a memory now,
And while a few clingers-on,
Still remain,

Everyone else has left

Even though its apocalyptic beauty shines through,
Those with eyes still cannot see,
Only those with a soul,
Are aware of its grace,

Isolated, Desiccated,

That is how the Shadowlands remain,
Forever holding their peace,
Destroyed,
But still alive,

The minds of the inflicted and the hurt,
Still to this day hold it within their hearts
And shall till the black wave of death,
Comes crashing over them, consuming them

~~~~~~~~~

My Outer Shell

I lie here,
In my cocoon,
Scared to come out,
Almost agraphobic,
For they will be there,

But my image projected,
Is one of bravery?
One of courage?
One of honour?

It's a first impression,
But you only get to make one,

And as I lie here,
Day in, Day out,
Thoughts flash across the wasteland of my mind,
Like a Lightning bolt in a thunderstorm,

Suddenly I'm illuminated,
The fear is gone,
For now at least

I feel free,
That freedom I've yearned for,
Ever since ever,
I've wanted to break free,

Tomorrow
I've conquered my fear,
Tomorrow will be the first day,
The first day of the rest of my life,

It's tomorrow today,
I'm free,
But I'm scared,
Can I go outside?
Will they still be there?

I thought I had it beat,
That fear,
That worry,
That anxiety,
But I don't

I'm still scared to go outside,
I'm still worried for my life,
I'm still anxious about judgement

So back into my cocoon I crawl,
To hide for another day,

~~~~~~~~~

Only Skin Deep

I step outside,
And they judge me,

I vent my feelings,
And they judge me,

I go about my buisness,
And they judge me,

They judge me, my right to exist,
They judge me, my right to live

I try to keep out of their way,
And they judge me,

I avoid them,
And they judge me,

I shout and scream,
And they judge me,

They judge me, on my actions,
They judge me, on how I look,

The things they judge me on,
The things they see,
They only go skin deep,

I have been judged,
Not from the inside,

My inner peace is disturbed,
Because they judge me,

But they only judge,
Skin deep,

Who is shallow?
The judged?

They judge me,
In fear of being judged,

Me insecure?

I don't judge,
At least not from looking at the outside,

Inside is the place,
Look inside,
Don't judge,
From only the skin

~~~~~~~~~

Borrowed Clothes

Drifting in and out of existence,
And consciousness,
I’m here,
But only on auto-pilot,
For, At the moment,
I exist solely in borrowed clothes,
I hide in my shell,
Safely in my comforting womb,
Shying from the daylight,
I look better in darkness anyway,

But when the night comes,
When the busy day is washed away with a tsunami of twilight
I eventually appear,
And go about my business,
Not getting in anyone’s way,
Keeping my head down,

I’m ambivalent,
Not angry, nor happy, nor sad,
I just am,
In these loaned threads,
And,
Although I’m here,
You’ll never spot me,
For I hide,
Within the umbra.

~~~~~~~~

Insomnia

These days go by so fast,
They smudge,
And run into one another,
Like wet paint on wet paint,
The colours joining,
Blurring,
Blue and Black,
Night and Day,
Those two words have no meaning anymore,
Because the days collide with each other,
I can’t tell where one ends,
And where the other begins,
Like a mountain lake,
So clear,
You can’t tell where the sky ends,
And the shimmering,
Icy,
Cold,
Water begins,
I stare up a the stars,
I stare up a the stars until they disappear,
To be replaced by a star,
Closer though,
Stars go,
And a star comes,
I can’t differentiate between the days you see,
Because there’s always a stare shining brightly,
In my life,
Abstract,
Thoughts,
Litter,
My,
Mind,
Unfortunately,
My cerebral garbage men,
Are asleep,
Like I should be,
But I’m not,
Because,
As soon as I touch my head on my pillow,
My body begins to flood with energy,
That I am deprived of,
During the Blue time,
But Blue’s too light to sleep under

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A MoonLight River

When that tsunami of darkness,
Crashes over this dreary land,
And the animals that can walk and talk,
Go to bed for the night,

The moon comes out,
Finally getting a look in,
No longer blocked by the Sun,
And glows,

Exuberant in its existence,
It shines its torch,
A Moonlight River,
Cascades down from the heavens,
Gushing down onto the Earth
And tries to wash the pain away,

Gently ebbing down from on high,
It flows,
And its sediment is are emotions,
And its tributaries are our prayers,
And its watershed is our dreams,

And when the morning comes,
The river will no longer exist,
And we will be able to carry on,
For just that one more day

~~~~~~~~~~~

It's quite funny to look back at them myself and read them as the earliest one from these was written 21 months ago according to MS Word. Very odd...