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Star Wars Episode 3: The Daddy
Cast:
Anakin Skywalker – Jude Law
Obi-Wan Kenobi – Tom Cruise
Amidala – Christina Ricci
Darth Daddy – Ray Winstone
Darth Beard – Brian Blessed
Senator Palpatine / Darth Emperoridius
And some CGI creatures.
Opening Crawl:
It has been 10 years since Anakin and Padme got married. Obi Wan has the huff because his padewan ran off with a chick instead of hanging about and learning Jedi stuff with him.
The galaxy is in turmoil, something to do with trade blockades or something.
The Senate has became quite nasty, with Palpatine making everyone build a massive Death Star for him – but he’s called it his “big round station of loveliness” so as to divert attention from his evil plans.
The Jedi are all but extinct, they got some serious whoopas from the end of Attack of The Clones. Leaving only Yoda, Much Windy and Obi Wan to wander about in dressing gowns being all serious and stuff.
INT – TATTOINE
A space-age hovel with CGI robots doing chores.
We pan down from a CGI sky and go into the CGI space-hovel
Anakin and Padme are playing a CGI game of chess.
Anakin
“I won! I’m totally enjoying my victory! Hah! I’m proud and vain!”
Padme
“You’ll turn to the dark side if you carry on like that!”
Anakin
“I won, I’m much better at this than you! HAHAHAHA, I’m enjoying my victory and showing no humbleness. Plus, I beat up CGI pigs and puke their neck hole”
Padme
“Why are your clothes dark and symbolic of future stuff?”
Anakin
“What?”
EXT – SPACE
A big CGI Death Star that looks nowhere near as real as the original that was just a model. We pan up to it and follow a big CGI spaceship into a CGI Hanger.
Two figures in black walk out.
They are Darth Daddy and Darth Beard.
Darth Beard
“WE ARE SURE TO BE EVIL AND WIN AGAINST THAT WHINY ANAKIN!”
Darth Daddy
“Stop shouting you sl#g.”
Darth Beard
“BUT I AM DARTH BEARD! GORDON’S ALIVE? HAHAH…wrong film, sorry”
Darth Daddy
“You sl#g.”
INT – CGI SPACE HOVEL
Anakin and Padme are helping the CGI robots clean up
Anakin
“I hate these chores. I’m going outside to murder some CGI babies”
Padme
“No, stay here and do good Jedi stuff. You’re always in such a temper”
Anakin
“No, this is boring. I want to go and do evil stuff. Like beat up CGI old people and push their hover-trolleys over. I’m not evil though.”
Padme
“Why not stay and make space-sex with me?”
Anakin
“Cool, can I do you up the shi –“
Lucas
“Whoops, no rudes in this world, let’s cut to some CGI building somewhere”
CGI BUILDING
Obi Wan is talking to Much Windy and Yoda.
Obi Wan
“I fear for Anakin, he went off and married Padme instead of staying with me in a certainly not repressed homo-erotic situation.”
Much Windy
“Stop it or I’ll strike down upon thee with great CGI and furious lightsaber”
Obi Wan
“Why do you have an American accent?”
Much Windy
“It’s the little differences”
Yoda
“Hmmm, go to a CGI planet you must Obi-Wan. Interact with a character shall you.”
Obi-Wan
“But I want to meet a woman and make space-sex”
Yoda
“Jedi you are, nakedness evil is. You must confront Anakin in a CGI battle and mess him up you will.”
Obi-Wan
“But look at my space-teeth! See me smile!”
Much Windy
“Listen Cruise..er..Obi-Wan, just go where he tells you and beat up a character from the earlier trilogy to connect with the fans that feel let-down”
Obi-Wan
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
INT – SPACE HOVEL
Padme is making dinner and Anakin returns from his CGI baby murder.
Padme
“Hello Annie”
Anakin
“Stop calling me that! Grrrrrr, one day I’ll be evil and kill everyone.”
Padme
“Why do you have an American accent, when in Jedi you speak in English?”
Anakin
“Shut up and show me your space-breasts”
Padme
“These are all real baby, no CGI here.”
Anakin
“Excellent.”
INT – CGI DEATH STAR
A massive CGI hanger.
Darth Daddy and Darth Beard and talking to The Emperor
Darth Beard
“WE KNOW WHERE ANAKIN IS! HE WIL DIEEEEEEE”
Darth Daddy
“Shut up you sl#g.”
The Emperor
“Go my Darth Nasties and annoy young Skywalker so he goes mental.”
Darth Beard
“DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!”
CGI SPACE HOVEL
Padme & Anakin have had space-sex and now Anakin is doing bad Jedi stuff outside.
Anakin
“Boy I’m angry all the time and have an evil robot hand. Not even space-sex with the ample chested Padme can quash my inner-rage. I need some music”
A space-Slipknot song plays to highlight Anakin’s space-rage.
Padme gives birth to a couple of kids. They are called Luke and Leia (that doesn’t sound at all like Lucas, no sir)
Anakin
“Now I am a daddy. Grrrrrrr, come here CGI Tusken Raiders, I feel like being angry”
CGI DEATH STAR
The Emperor feels a disturbance in The Force
The Emperor
“I feel a disturbance in the force”
Darth Daddy
“You Sl#g”
Darth Beard
“DIIIIEEEEEEE!”
CGI JEDI COUNCIL
Yoda, Obi-Wan and Much Windy and arguing about the best way to govern.
Yoda
“Go to Tattooine you must Obi-Wan, rescue children from angry Anakin dad”
Obi-Wan
“He’s a dad? I told you women were the source of all evil, and I can act as a repressive father figure that is absent for much of Anakin’s adolescence, causing him Oedipal conflicts and tantrums. Much like Luke with Vader and me with Qui-Gon”
George Lucas
“I do not have issues dammit”
TATTOOINE
Padme is playing with the kids, Anakin is being grumpy outside having murdered more CGI creatures.
Padme
“Annie, come and play with the kids. They’re cute and CGI”
Anakin
“Stop calling me Annie, I promise you I will be so angry my face will go red. Can you not hear the ominous music and my constant being in shadow? Something bad’s gonna happen if you don’t stop picking on me.”
Padme
“Sheesh, talk about stroppy”
Darth Daddy and Beard appear over the horizon.
Darth Beard
“DIIEEEEEEE!”
Darth Daddy
“You sl#g, I’m the daddy”
Anakin stands up and smiles in an evil manner
“I’m going to have an extended lightsaber fight now, but I’m not evil”
Anakin jumps onto a CGI speeder-sedan and charges off after the Darthadly Duo.
There follows a protracted chase scene at great speed that fails to capture the thrill of the Speeder-Bike chase from Jedi.
Eventually, Anakin and the Darths face off in a CGI clearing.
Darth Beard
“DIIIEEEEE!”
Anakin
“I’m going to kill you with this CGI lightsaber and enjoy it”
Darth Daddy
“I have a sock stuffed with Lightsaber ends and I’m gonna smash your face in. You sl#g.”
Anakin
“Bring it on”
There is now a big CGI fight between them all with much CGI.
Anakin murders the Darths and jumps back onto his speeder-sedan and goes home.
Anakin
“Padme, where are my children, I feel like pushing them to the ground and laughing”
Padme
“They’re gone”
Anakin
“What?”
Padme
“Obi-Wan came and hid them from you, because you are evil.”
Anakin
“Damn. I’m going to find Obi-Wan and have a showdown with my absent father figure”
Lucas
“I do not have issues dammit”
CGI VOLCANO
Obi-Wan and Anakin face each down with CGI effects all around.
Anakin
“Give me my children back absent-father figure”
Obi-Wan
“No, for you are a bad man. Let’s fight”
Anakin
“But they’re my kids. Don’t take them away forcing them to have an absent parent figure as you did with me and my mum Shmi who died just as I reached her in Attack of The Clones”
Obi-Wan
“Let’s fight”
They do and there is much CGI.
Obi-Wan pushes Anakin into the lava and scars him real bad.
He is happy about this and goes to live in a cave on Tattooine for 100 years.
Anakin climbs out of the lava and is a mess.
The Emperor turns up, brushes him down and makes him wear a S&M gimp suit with breathing apparatus.
The Emperor
“I shall call you Darth Vader from now on and I can be your father figure”
Darth Vader
“Excellent. Now let me make no comment about Obi-Wan hiding my kids or being Luke’s dad until The Empire Strikes Back. And I will conveniently forget that Leia is my daughter when we meet at the beginning of Star Wars, she’ll have a different name and stuff. Her last name will be Organa. And I will not connect that with Bail Organa, who I have spoken to lots in the previous film. And I will think nothing of the droids crashing on Tattooine and quite happily murder the Lars homested, ignoring the fact it belongs to my step-brother”
The Emperor
“That’s my boy. Now let’s go be evil together”
THE END
Cast:
Anakin Skywalker – Jude Law
Obi-Wan Kenobi – Tom Cruise
Amidala – Christina Ricci
Darth Daddy – Ray Winstone
Darth Beard – Brian Blessed
Senator Palpatine / Darth Emperoridius
And some CGI creatures.
Opening Crawl:
It has been 10 years since Anakin and Padme got married. Obi Wan has the huff because his padewan ran off with a chick instead of hanging about and learning Jedi stuff with him.
The galaxy is in turmoil, something to do with trade blockades or something.
The Senate has became quite nasty, with Palpatine making everyone build a massive Death Star for him – but he’s called it his “big round station of loveliness” so as to divert attention from his evil plans.
The Jedi are all but extinct, they got some serious whoopas from the end of Attack of The Clones. Leaving only Yoda, Much Windy and Obi Wan to wander about in dressing gowns being all serious and stuff.
INT – TATTOINE
A space-age hovel with CGI robots doing chores.
We pan down from a CGI sky and go into the CGI space-hovel
Anakin and Padme are playing a CGI game of chess.
Anakin
“I won! I’m totally enjoying my victory! Hah! I’m proud and vain!”
Padme
“You’ll turn to the dark side if you carry on like that!”
Anakin
“I won, I’m much better at this than you! HAHAHAHA, I’m enjoying my victory and showing no humbleness. Plus, I beat up CGI pigs and puke their neck hole”
Padme
“Why are your clothes dark and symbolic of future stuff?”
Anakin
“What?”
EXT – SPACE
A big CGI Death Star that looks nowhere near as real as the original that was just a model. We pan up to it and follow a big CGI spaceship into a CGI Hanger.
Two figures in black walk out.
They are Darth Daddy and Darth Beard.
Darth Beard
“WE ARE SURE TO BE EVIL AND WIN AGAINST THAT WHINY ANAKIN!”
Darth Daddy
“Stop shouting you sl#g.”
Darth Beard
“BUT I AM DARTH BEARD! GORDON’S ALIVE? HAHAH…wrong film, sorry”
Darth Daddy
“You sl#g.”
INT – CGI SPACE HOVEL
Anakin and Padme are helping the CGI robots clean up
Anakin
“I hate these chores. I’m going outside to murder some CGI babies”
Padme
“No, stay here and do good Jedi stuff. You’re always in such a temper”
Anakin
“No, this is boring. I want to go and do evil stuff. Like beat up CGI old people and push their hover-trolleys over. I’m not evil though.”
Padme
“Why not stay and make space-sex with me?”
Anakin
“Cool, can I do you up the shi –“
Lucas
“Whoops, no rudes in this world, let’s cut to some CGI building somewhere”
CGI BUILDING
Obi Wan is talking to Much Windy and Yoda.
Obi Wan
“I fear for Anakin, he went off and married Padme instead of staying with me in a certainly not repressed homo-erotic situation.”
Much Windy
“Stop it or I’ll strike down upon thee with great CGI and furious lightsaber”
Obi Wan
“Why do you have an American accent?”
Much Windy
“It’s the little differences”
Yoda
“Hmmm, go to a CGI planet you must Obi-Wan. Interact with a character shall you.”
Obi-Wan
“But I want to meet a woman and make space-sex”
Yoda
“Jedi you are, nakedness evil is. You must confront Anakin in a CGI battle and mess him up you will.”
Obi-Wan
“But look at my space-teeth! See me smile!”
Much Windy
“Listen Cruise..er..Obi-Wan, just go where he tells you and beat up a character from the earlier trilogy to connect with the fans that feel let-down”
Obi-Wan
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
INT – SPACE HOVEL
Padme is making dinner and Anakin returns from his CGI baby murder.
Padme
“Hello Annie”
Anakin
“Stop calling me that! Grrrrrr, one day I’ll be evil and kill everyone.”
Padme
“Why do you have an American accent, when in Jedi you speak in English?”
Anakin
“Shut up and show me your space-breasts”
Padme
“These are all real baby, no CGI here.”
Anakin
“Excellent.”
INT – CGI DEATH STAR
A massive CGI hanger.
Darth Daddy and Darth Beard and talking to The Emperor
Darth Beard
“WE KNOW WHERE ANAKIN IS! HE WIL DIEEEEEEE”
Darth Daddy
“Shut up you sl#g.”
The Emperor
“Go my Darth Nasties and annoy young Skywalker so he goes mental.”
Darth Beard
“DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!”
CGI SPACE HOVEL
Padme & Anakin have had space-sex and now Anakin is doing bad Jedi stuff outside.
Anakin
“Boy I’m angry all the time and have an evil robot hand. Not even space-sex with the ample chested Padme can quash my inner-rage. I need some music”
A space-Slipknot song plays to highlight Anakin’s space-rage.
Padme gives birth to a couple of kids. They are called Luke and Leia (that doesn’t sound at all like Lucas, no sir)
Anakin
“Now I am a daddy. Grrrrrrr, come here CGI Tusken Raiders, I feel like being angry”
CGI DEATH STAR
The Emperor feels a disturbance in The Force
The Emperor
“I feel a disturbance in the force”
Darth Daddy
“You Sl#g”
Darth Beard
“DIIIIEEEEEEE!”
CGI JEDI COUNCIL
Yoda, Obi-Wan and Much Windy and arguing about the best way to govern.
Yoda
“Go to Tattooine you must Obi-Wan, rescue children from angry Anakin dad”
Obi-Wan
“He’s a dad? I told you women were the source of all evil, and I can act as a repressive father figure that is absent for much of Anakin’s adolescence, causing him Oedipal conflicts and tantrums. Much like Luke with Vader and me with Qui-Gon”
George Lucas
“I do not have issues dammit”
TATTOOINE
Padme is playing with the kids, Anakin is being grumpy outside having murdered more CGI creatures.
Padme
“Annie, come and play with the kids. They’re cute and CGI”
Anakin
“Stop calling me Annie, I promise you I will be so angry my face will go red. Can you not hear the ominous music and my constant being in shadow? Something bad’s gonna happen if you don’t stop picking on me.”
Padme
“Sheesh, talk about stroppy”
Darth Daddy and Beard appear over the horizon.
Darth Beard
“DIIEEEEEEE!”
Darth Daddy
“You sl#g, I’m the daddy”
Anakin stands up and smiles in an evil manner
“I’m going to have an extended lightsaber fight now, but I’m not evil”
Anakin jumps onto a CGI speeder-sedan and charges off after the Darthadly Duo.
There follows a protracted chase scene at great speed that fails to capture the thrill of the Speeder-Bike chase from Jedi.
Eventually, Anakin and the Darths face off in a CGI clearing.
Darth Beard
“DIIIEEEEE!”
Anakin
“I’m going to kill you with this CGI lightsaber and enjoy it”
Darth Daddy
“I have a sock stuffed with Lightsaber ends and I’m gonna smash your face in. You sl#g.”
Anakin
“Bring it on”
There is now a big CGI fight between them all with much CGI.
Anakin murders the Darths and jumps back onto his speeder-sedan and goes home.
Anakin
“Padme, where are my children, I feel like pushing them to the ground and laughing”
Padme
“They’re gone”
Anakin
“What?”
Padme
“Obi-Wan came and hid them from you, because you are evil.”
Anakin
“Damn. I’m going to find Obi-Wan and have a showdown with my absent father figure”
Lucas
“I do not have issues dammit”
CGI VOLCANO
Obi-Wan and Anakin face each down with CGI effects all around.
Anakin
“Give me my children back absent-father figure”
Obi-Wan
“No, for you are a bad man. Let’s fight”
Anakin
“But they’re my kids. Don’t take them away forcing them to have an absent parent figure as you did with me and my mum Shmi who died just as I reached her in Attack of The Clones”
Obi-Wan
“Let’s fight”
They do and there is much CGI.
Obi-Wan pushes Anakin into the lava and scars him real bad.
He is happy about this and goes to live in a cave on Tattooine for 100 years.
Anakin climbs out of the lava and is a mess.
The Emperor turns up, brushes him down and makes him wear a S&M gimp suit with breathing apparatus.
The Emperor
“I shall call you Darth Vader from now on and I can be your father figure”
Darth Vader
“Excellent. Now let me make no comment about Obi-Wan hiding my kids or being Luke’s dad until The Empire Strikes Back. And I will conveniently forget that Leia is my daughter when we meet at the beginning of Star Wars, she’ll have a different name and stuff. Her last name will be Organa. And I will not connect that with Bail Organa, who I have spoken to lots in the previous film. And I will think nothing of the droids crashing on Tattooine and quite happily murder the Lars homested, ignoring the fact it belongs to my step-brother”
The Emperor
“That’s my boy. Now let’s go be evil together”
THE END
Page:
"Darthadly Duo"
"Space Sex"
This post rules.
Now I'm off to write a stale, almost essay like piece about how games play a role in today's society because I'd like GAD for my birfday.
Ooops,that isn't to say that I thought the winner for the same day as this reeked of bone-dry passionless droning or anything.
Heh
"Space Sex"
This post rules.
Now I'm off to write a stale, almost essay like piece about how games play a role in today's society because I'd like GAD for my birfday.
Ooops,that isn't to say that I thought the winner for the same day as this reeked of bone-dry passionless droning or anything.
Heh
Excellent! Very, very good.
LOL at space sex and much windy.
I got a stitch from laughing so much.
Cheers!
Cheers!
Excellent. It's gems like these that make these forums worth visiting. You're spot on with every detail in that script.
Excellent! Great writing there Goatboy..
I also hope Jude gets a part in the next one. Not because I know him or anything... :D
I also hope Jude gets a part in the next one. Not because I know him or anything... :D
Convincing enough to be the actual manuscript for Episode 3, yet as far removed from the Star Wars saga as possible. Excellent.
LOL!
You should send that to that air0 place thingy. That rules!
You should send that to that air0 place thingy. That rules!
Fantasmic.
Technically it should be "CG hangar" as CGI stands for "computer generated images" and that doesn't make sense when coupled with "hangar"
What's that, you say? I'm a geek? Nooooooooooo!!!!
Anyway, that was pretty good
What's that, you say? I'm a geek? Nooooooooooo!!!!
Anyway, that was pretty good
Page: