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Before you read this, just a word of warning – you are about to see (well, read) things that could corrupt and confuse your minds. Things will not be what they seem, and what you believe to be true will, in a short space of time, become false. For this is the latest product from the feverish mind of RM18. I had a dream last night, one that reached into the depths of my gaming knowledge and contorted my view of games. I had visited an alternative gaming universe. Waking up this morning, beads of sweat pouring down my face, I decided something had to be done about it. This very morning, I just got back from a psychologist, where they extracted the results of last nights dream, and chronicled their findings in a report, and here it is…
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Patient No. 071283
Name: Confidential (the patient will be referred to by his tag no. – RM18)
Date: 11th May 2002
PSYCHOLOGISTS REPORT: This is a very exciting day for gaming and science, but a dark day for this very disturbed and twisted individual. This morning, using highly complex, skilled techniques such as tickling and bribing we managed to extract the names of the games he dreamt of, and what weird version of them he created. Listed game by game, here are our findings…
RAINBOW SIX – You and me know it as a strategy game, tactical military shooting based on a Tom Clancy novel. Here is what RM18 dreamt of it though, and I quote…
‘In this version of Rainbow Six, six people, wrongly imprisoned and on Death Row for the brutal murder of Rainbow characters Zippy, Bungle and George, must fight for to clear their name and get freedom. The post mortem showed horrible facts, such as the gradual torture Zippy suffered as his zip was turned to rust. In this exciting adventure game, you play the role of detective investigating the ‘’Rainbow Six’, using you detective skills to uncover the real killers of the Rainbow team. Questions to ponder will be ‘What was Bungle doing in that underground station? What was that small brown package stuffed in Zippy’s mouth?’ Discover this – and more – as you uncover the horrific truth behind…the Rainbow Six.
Phew, disturbing, wasn’t it? Well, just read on…
VIRTUA STRIKER – A popular Sega football game isn’t it? It has its faults, but is still enjoyable and good fun. Not in RM18’s dream…
‘Oil has gone, fossil fuels are fading, electricity is extinct. In the year 2007, everything is run on…salt. But trouble is brewing in Austria, the only salt mining industry left in the United States of Europe. You’d think they would be treated well, wouldn’t you? Oh no. All the important people, clever people, powerful people and George W Bush are under the Earth. The salt is needed as a power source for the people living on top. Savaged by police during the worker strikes over poor conditions and terrible treatment from a tyrannical government, the workers have reached the end of their tether. Only one man can save them – militant union leader and strike leader extraordinaire…Arthur Scargill! But he’s dead. So a hologram version of him has been created to fight for the workers. You, the player, control Virtual Striker Scargill as he negotiates tricky employment contracts and handles trade union issues. In the most realistic trade union bargaining simulation so far, you must negotiate pay deals and fight for the workers!’
It just gets more and more surreal, doesn’t it? Read on…
CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY – You know this game as the story of a foul-mouthed squirrel, but RM18 doesn’t…
‘Conker is a polite, well-mannered squirrel from an affluent suburban town in London. On the night before he begins his first day at a terribly posh private school, disaster strikes. When eating his vegetables, he accidentally drops some in his hair. But these aren’t ordinary vegetables. They have been genetically modified. Getting right into his fur, Conker asks to be excused from the dinner table so he can clean his fur. To his horror, his mother had bought that cheap nasty value shampoo! You control Conker, as his hair gradually deteriorates, as he searches for a decent shampoo before his first day at school, being polite and well mannered on the way’.
I’m not even going to comment on that. Lastly…
SPACE CHANNEL 5 – In our world, it is a hugely enjoyable rhythm/action game with dancing alien. Just read…
‘In a desperate attempt to boost ratings, the fifth terrestrial channel searches for ways to improve – then it thinks, why not be extra terrestrial. Yep, you read right, Channel 5 goes extra terrestrial and shifts it entire base of operations – to space! Watch as Home and Away takes on an all new meaning! Be amazed by Jonathan Pearce making a fool of himself whilst doing commentary – in orbit! Marvel at Suggs and other second rate presenters as they quip bad jokes across the universe! Controlling one of the aforementioned presenters, you must follow what other stations do and try and improve your broadcasting to gain a viewer! Beware though, as the spectre of Kirsty Young is looming, ready to take your salary and add it to hers if you fail…’
Pretty conclusive, eh? The boy’s got serious, serious problems. Watch this space for further developments…
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Thanks for reading
Russell
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Patient No. 071283
Name: Confidential (the patient will be referred to by his tag no. – RM18)
Date: 11th May 2002
PSYCHOLOGISTS REPORT: This is a very exciting day for gaming and science, but a dark day for this very disturbed and twisted individual. This morning, using highly complex, skilled techniques such as tickling and bribing we managed to extract the names of the games he dreamt of, and what weird version of them he created. Listed game by game, here are our findings…
RAINBOW SIX – You and me know it as a strategy game, tactical military shooting based on a Tom Clancy novel. Here is what RM18 dreamt of it though, and I quote…
‘In this version of Rainbow Six, six people, wrongly imprisoned and on Death Row for the brutal murder of Rainbow characters Zippy, Bungle and George, must fight for to clear their name and get freedom. The post mortem showed horrible facts, such as the gradual torture Zippy suffered as his zip was turned to rust. In this exciting adventure game, you play the role of detective investigating the ‘’Rainbow Six’, using you detective skills to uncover the real killers of the Rainbow team. Questions to ponder will be ‘What was Bungle doing in that underground station? What was that small brown package stuffed in Zippy’s mouth?’ Discover this – and more – as you uncover the horrific truth behind…the Rainbow Six.
Phew, disturbing, wasn’t it? Well, just read on…
VIRTUA STRIKER – A popular Sega football game isn’t it? It has its faults, but is still enjoyable and good fun. Not in RM18’s dream…
‘Oil has gone, fossil fuels are fading, electricity is extinct. In the year 2007, everything is run on…salt. But trouble is brewing in Austria, the only salt mining industry left in the United States of Europe. You’d think they would be treated well, wouldn’t you? Oh no. All the important people, clever people, powerful people and George W Bush are under the Earth. The salt is needed as a power source for the people living on top. Savaged by police during the worker strikes over poor conditions and terrible treatment from a tyrannical government, the workers have reached the end of their tether. Only one man can save them – militant union leader and strike leader extraordinaire…Arthur Scargill! But he’s dead. So a hologram version of him has been created to fight for the workers. You, the player, control Virtual Striker Scargill as he negotiates tricky employment contracts and handles trade union issues. In the most realistic trade union bargaining simulation so far, you must negotiate pay deals and fight for the workers!’
It just gets more and more surreal, doesn’t it? Read on…
CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY – You know this game as the story of a foul-mouthed squirrel, but RM18 doesn’t…
‘Conker is a polite, well-mannered squirrel from an affluent suburban town in London. On the night before he begins his first day at a terribly posh private school, disaster strikes. When eating his vegetables, he accidentally drops some in his hair. But these aren’t ordinary vegetables. They have been genetically modified. Getting right into his fur, Conker asks to be excused from the dinner table so he can clean his fur. To his horror, his mother had bought that cheap nasty value shampoo! You control Conker, as his hair gradually deteriorates, as he searches for a decent shampoo before his first day at school, being polite and well mannered on the way’.
I’m not even going to comment on that. Lastly…
SPACE CHANNEL 5 – In our world, it is a hugely enjoyable rhythm/action game with dancing alien. Just read…
‘In a desperate attempt to boost ratings, the fifth terrestrial channel searches for ways to improve – then it thinks, why not be extra terrestrial. Yep, you read right, Channel 5 goes extra terrestrial and shifts it entire base of operations – to space! Watch as Home and Away takes on an all new meaning! Be amazed by Jonathan Pearce making a fool of himself whilst doing commentary – in orbit! Marvel at Suggs and other second rate presenters as they quip bad jokes across the universe! Controlling one of the aforementioned presenters, you must follow what other stations do and try and improve your broadcasting to gain a viewer! Beware though, as the spectre of Kirsty Young is looming, ready to take your salary and add it to hers if you fail…’
Pretty conclusive, eh? The boy’s got serious, serious problems. Watch this space for further developments…
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Thanks for reading
Russell
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Well done RM18, lucky the Staff members saw this, I thought it would of sunk seeing how much spam there is around these places.
Well Done!!
Nice one RM18. Another win as well, you're on a roll. Congrats.
Congrats Russ!
:)
Just wish I had your writing abilities because theres a few games I really want right now.
Well done anyways.
:)
:)
Just wish I had your writing abilities because theres a few games I really want right now.
Well done anyways.
:)
You are in my shortlist of 3
Does that mean you'll be voting for me then?
:)
:)
Does that mean you'll be voting for me then?
Weldone RM, Another fine win..
definatly notable potential.
definatly notable potential.
Thanks for the win SR!!
Badgerman wrote:
> Nice one...
>
> Can't type anymore...
>
> *click*
It happens to me all the time...
> Nice one...
>
> Can't type anymore...
>
> *click*
It happens to me all the time...
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