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10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
Let the Trucker Sleep
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield. But he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25," says another jogger.
Blonde Puzzle
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
The Soldier
There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great, I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”Then the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and say,''Stabitty stabitty stab.'' And he thought, “Yeah great, I'm gonna go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”So when they went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed. So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!” He went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and, again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!” Then he sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy target. I'm going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says, “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no! It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets closer and says ''Stabbety stabbety stab.''“Stabitty stabbity stab.” And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran over him! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, “Tankitty tankitty tank.”
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
Let the Trucker Sleep
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield. But he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25," says another jogger.
Blonde Puzzle
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
The Soldier
There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great, I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”Then the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and say,''Stabitty stabitty stab.'' And he thought, “Yeah great, I'm gonna go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”So when they went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed. So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!” He went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and, again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!” Then he sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy target. I'm going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says, “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no! It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets closer and says ''Stabbety stabbety stab.''“Stabitty stabbity stab.” And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran over him! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, “Tankitty tankitty tank.”
My friend told me a rather amusing joke that he had on one of his birthday cards today.
-----
There'a huge flood and a man is stranded on the top of a building. A boat comes by and the people tell the guy to get in the boat. He says "No, the lord will save me!" So the boat goes on it's way and leaves the man there. The water level rises and another boat comes by. "Get in the boat!" they say. But "No" he says. "The Lord will save me!!" So that boat too, goes on its way. The water is really high now and it's almost reached him. A helicopter comes. "Come on! Get in the helicopter" the rescue guys say. But again, the guy repeats "NO! The lord will save me!!" So the helicopter goes on it's way without him. In the end, the water reaches the man and he drowns. In heaven, he asks Peter why the lord didn't save him. Peter replies "he sent 2 boats and a helicopter!"
Ho ho ho.
-----
There'a huge flood and a man is stranded on the top of a building. A boat comes by and the people tell the guy to get in the boat. He says "No, the lord will save me!" So the boat goes on it's way and leaves the man there. The water level rises and another boat comes by. "Get in the boat!" they say. But "No" he says. "The Lord will save me!!" So that boat too, goes on its way. The water is really high now and it's almost reached him. A helicopter comes. "Come on! Get in the helicopter" the rescue guys say. But again, the guy repeats "NO! The lord will save me!!" So the helicopter goes on it's way without him. In the end, the water reaches the man and he drowns. In heaven, he asks Peter why the lord didn't save him. Peter replies "he sent 2 boats and a helicopter!"
Ho ho ho.
CIA Assassin
------------
There was an opening with the CIA as an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to three men but only one position was available.
So the day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
`We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,' they explained.
'Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.'
The man got a shocked look on his face and said,
'You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife.'
'Well,' says the CIA man, 'you're definitely not the right man for the job then.'
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,' they explained to the second man.
`Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her’
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, and then the door opened and the man came out with tears in his eyes.
'I tried to shoot her but I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my own wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job.'
'No,' the CIA man replied, `you don't have what it takes. Take your wife and get the hell home.'
Now the CIA are down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door of the same room and give him the same gun.
'We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair, take this gun and kill her.'
The third man took the gun and opened the door and before the door had even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, and then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said,
`You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with f***ing blanks. I had to beat the cow to death with the chair.'
Six pack
---------
Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.
After two hours he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. 'So did you tell her?' asks Jeff.
'Yep,' replies Bob.
'Say, where did you get the six-pack?'
'She gave it to me.'
'What?' exclaims Jeff. 'You just told her that her husband died and she gave you a six-pack?'
'Sure,' Bob says.
'Why?' asks Jeff.
'Well,' Bob continues, 'when she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve's widow. "Widow," she said, "no, no, you're mistaken. I'm not a widow."
So I said, "I'll bet you a six-pack you are!"'
------------
There was an opening with the CIA as an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to three men but only one position was available.
So the day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
`We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,' they explained.
'Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.'
The man got a shocked look on his face and said,
'You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife.'
'Well,' says the CIA man, 'you're definitely not the right man for the job then.'
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,' they explained to the second man.
`Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her’
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, and then the door opened and the man came out with tears in his eyes.
'I tried to shoot her but I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my own wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job.'
'No,' the CIA man replied, `you don't have what it takes. Take your wife and get the hell home.'
Now the CIA are down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door of the same room and give him the same gun.
'We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair, take this gun and kill her.'
The third man took the gun and opened the door and before the door had even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, and then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said,
`You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with f***ing blanks. I had to beat the cow to death with the chair.'
Six pack
---------
Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.
After two hours he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. 'So did you tell her?' asks Jeff.
'Yep,' replies Bob.
'Say, where did you get the six-pack?'
'She gave it to me.'
'What?' exclaims Jeff. 'You just told her that her husband died and she gave you a six-pack?'
'Sure,' Bob says.
'Why?' asks Jeff.
'Well,' Bob continues, 'when she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve's widow. "Widow," she said, "no, no, you're mistaken. I'm not a widow."
So I said, "I'll bet you a six-pack you are!"'
Guyzer wrote:
> The Soldier
>
> There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the
> first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the
> line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't
> have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it
> at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great,
> I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”Then
> the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back
> of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they
> didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him
> to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and
> say,''Stabitty stabitty stab.'' And he thought, “Yeah great, I'm gonna
> go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”So when they
> went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided
> he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed.
> So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the
> guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!” He
> went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and,
> again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his
> broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!” Then he
> sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy
> target. I'm going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says,
> “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and
> doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no!
> It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets
> closer and says ''Stabbety stabbety stab.''“Stabitty stabbity stab.”
> And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran
> over him! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, “Tankitty
> tankitty tank.”
lol thats class :D
> The Soldier
>
> There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the
> first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the
> line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't
> have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it
> at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great,
> I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”Then
> the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back
> of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they
> didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him
> to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and
> say,''Stabitty stabitty stab.'' And he thought, “Yeah great, I'm gonna
> go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”So when they
> went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided
> he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed.
> So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the
> guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!” He
> went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and,
> again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his
> broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!” Then he
> sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy
> target. I'm going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says,
> “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and
> doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no!
> It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets
> closer and says ''Stabbety stabbety stab.''“Stabitty stabbity stab.”
> And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran
> over him! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, “Tankitty
> tankitty tank.”
lol thats class :D
Great jokes guys :)
Hope u like this one:
IRISH PET SHOP
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird
section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The clerk comes over and asks
if he can help them.
"Yeah. We'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry.
"Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does so and the two guys pay for the
birds and leave the shop.
They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills
and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500 foot drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" asks Gerry. He then takes two birds
out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a
few seconds followed by a "SPLAT". As Paddy looks over the edge of the
cliff, he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too
fockin' dangerous for me.
A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he
walks up carrying the familiar "peeper bag." He pulls a parrot out of the
bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a
gun.
"Hi Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of
the cliff. Paddy watches as half-way down, Seamus takes out the gun and
blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a
"SPLAT" as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head
and says "An oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider."
A few minutes after Seamus splats himself, Sean strolls up. He too has
been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar "peeper bag."
Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches
himself off the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his
head. "Fock me Sean, furst der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin hengliding.
Hope u like this one:
IRISH PET SHOP
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird
section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The clerk comes over and asks
if he can help them.
"Yeah. We'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry.
"Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does so and the two guys pay for the
birds and leave the shop.
They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills
and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500 foot drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" asks Gerry. He then takes two birds
out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a
few seconds followed by a "SPLAT". As Paddy looks over the edge of the
cliff, he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too
fockin' dangerous for me.
A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he
walks up carrying the familiar "peeper bag." He pulls a parrot out of the
bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a
gun.
"Hi Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of
the cliff. Paddy watches as half-way down, Seamus takes out the gun and
blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a
"SPLAT" as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head
and says "An oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider."
A few minutes after Seamus splats himself, Sean strolls up. He too has
been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar "peeper bag."
Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches
himself off the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his
head. "Fock me Sean, furst der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin hengliding.
Hmmm...
Mine are better, but they are good :-)
Posh was being driven home when the car hit a nasty bump and stopped. Posh asked her driver "What was that?" "I just hit a cow and killed it" replied the driver "You'd better tell the farmer, then" said Posh "I'll wait here"
About 2 or three hours later, the Driver stumbles back, clutching a half-full bottle of wine and looking very satisfied. "What happened?" asked Posh. The Driver replied "Well, i told them what happened, and the farmer gave me this vintage wine, the farmer's wifemade me this huge dinner, and their beautiful daughter made love to me for an hour! "What the bloody hell did you tell them?" asked Posh
"I just said that i was Posh Spices' driver, and i killed the cow!"
Several ways to tell if you have "A slight drinking problem":
1) You fall off the floor
2) That stuff that Blair says makes some sense.
3) You have a reserved parking space outside the liquor store
4) Your doctor tells you there are traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5) You are given a proof rating
6) Every woman in the bar has an identical twin
7) You ever told a policeman you are not under the affluance of incohol...
8) You lean against the wall in order to stop the bar tipping over.
9) When you try to have a drink, but miss...
Several old men went to pray for their football teams.
One man asked "When will England win the world cup?"
"Four years" God replied.
"Damn! I'll be dead by then!" Said the man
Another asked "When will the gunners win the league cup?"
"Ten years" God replied.
"Damn! I'll be dead by then!" Said the man, disappointed.
The last one asked "When will Spurs win the Champions League?"
"F**k Me!" replied God "even I'll be dead by then!
*me laughs at Spurs supporters
Mine are better, but they are good :-)
Posh was being driven home when the car hit a nasty bump and stopped. Posh asked her driver "What was that?" "I just hit a cow and killed it" replied the driver "You'd better tell the farmer, then" said Posh "I'll wait here"
About 2 or three hours later, the Driver stumbles back, clutching a half-full bottle of wine and looking very satisfied. "What happened?" asked Posh. The Driver replied "Well, i told them what happened, and the farmer gave me this vintage wine, the farmer's wifemade me this huge dinner, and their beautiful daughter made love to me for an hour! "What the bloody hell did you tell them?" asked Posh
"I just said that i was Posh Spices' driver, and i killed the cow!"
Several ways to tell if you have "A slight drinking problem":
1) You fall off the floor
2) That stuff that Blair says makes some sense.
3) You have a reserved parking space outside the liquor store
4) Your doctor tells you there are traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5) You are given a proof rating
6) Every woman in the bar has an identical twin
7) You ever told a policeman you are not under the affluance of incohol...
8) You lean against the wall in order to stop the bar tipping over.
9) When you try to have a drink, but miss...
Several old men went to pray for their football teams.
One man asked "When will England win the world cup?"
"Four years" God replied.
"Damn! I'll be dead by then!" Said the man
Another asked "When will the gunners win the league cup?"
"Ten years" God replied.
"Damn! I'll be dead by then!" Said the man, disappointed.
The last one asked "When will Spurs win the Champions League?"
"F**k Me!" replied God "even I'll be dead by then!
*me laughs at Spurs supporters
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
Let the Trucker Sleep
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield. But he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25," says another jogger.
Blonde Puzzle
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
The Soldier
There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great, I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”Then the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and say,''Stabitty stabitty stab.'' And he thought, “Yeah great, I'm gonna go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”So when they went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed. So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!” He went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and, again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!” Then he sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy target. I'm going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says, “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no! It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets closer and says ''Stabbety stabbety stab.''“Stabitty stabbity stab.” And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran over him! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, “Tankitty tankitty tank.”
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
Let the Trucker Sleep
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield. But he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25," says another jogger.
Blonde Puzzle
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
The Soldier
There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great, I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”Then the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and say,''Stabitty stabitty stab.'' And he thought, “Yeah great, I'm gonna go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”So when they went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed. So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!” He went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and, again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!” Then he sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy target. I'm going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says, “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no! It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets closer and says ''Stabbety stabbety stab.''“Stabitty stabbity stab.” And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran over him! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, “Tankitty tankitty tank.”