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It seems some of you were intrigued, or indeed frightened, by the propsect of Dale Winton's slavering tongue. You were right to highlight this issue, it is an important one. Dale Winton's effect on gaming must not be under-estimated. Not only is he the pinnacle of gay-'ming', but he's also an evil genius intent on destroying the video game industry. In true illzen style, I have brought you an extract from his hidden diary as proof. I hope I don't get banned for it... remember it is Dale Winton we are talking about!
May 1
9:00 Wellll hooo-ray, it was the morning. I love mornings don't you? Of course I do, I just wrote that, ah ha ha... anyway... Awoke to the glorious sounds of the Mary Poppins soundtrack on my CD alarm clock (ooh... i nearly forgot the L in clock... ooh) and snorted a foot long line of crystal-meth off the naked corpse next to me. Today was an important day because it was a Dale day. In Dale's house, every day is a Dale day... hooo-ray! But even more important than that, today I would reclaim my prevolence in the entertainment industry. It's all down to those Super Monkey Balls I tell you... oooh. People just don't want to spend their time watching Pets Win Prizes. So the solution's simple. And the answer is: kill everyone else in the entertainment industry: correct... hooo-ray.
11:00 After a refreshing breakfast of dry All Bran and Jacobs cream crackers, and my daily exercise of licking the postman's and the paperboy's faces I set off for my important 11:30 meeting
11:30 Couldn't find anywhere to tie my horse outside the office, so I traded it for a skooter with a little girl named Alice. Arr... she looked so sweet before the horse did that thing with its leg in her face.
11:45 Went to wash the blood off in some public toilets. Got a phone number for a guy called Desperate-Dan. Might call him later.
11:45 Finally arrived for my meeting with Cheggers and Trisha. These were the only two people I could really trust to help me. I knew them before we were all such superstars, we used to meet at swinging-parties in Derbyshire. We were all in this together because we shared a common goal. We were going to make everyone spend all their leisure time entertained by us. The holy trinity of entertainmentness.
13:00 Broke for lunch. Cheggers was still talking about his train journey and the weather, while Trisha was recharging her grin-battery from a loose-fitting light socket. I had a delicious salad of ryvita and sand and proceeded to complete the mission on my own.
14:50 Wheeled into a local video game store on my S-Club 7 Skooter. Here would be a good point (ooh-er) to start dealing with the competition. I poured absinthe all over the X-Box aisle and struck a match to it. Hooo-ray more viewers for me. I gathered all the PS2 games and slowly licked each one, labelling the case with a 'Dale Winton Has Licked This' sticker. Hooo-ray.
15:30 Having licked all the stock in the game shop, and the staff, and the customers, even the boy with the particularly angry looking blackheads, I set about part two of my plan.
16:00 Began putting up posters and giant cut-outs of me licking my own face in a mirror. Started stocking the shelves with the following products:
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the series 1-24
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the movie 1,2&3
Dale Winton the licking-console
Dale Winton the licking-game 1,2&3
+assorted Dale Winton peripherals (perlickerals)
Also got a local architect to sketch plans for my licking-booth.
17:00 Puffed on a little PCP and drew up plans to expand my entertainment franchise. No one can stop me now. WOOooooh.
23:00 Woke up amongst the frozen peas in my local KwikSave. That happens sometimes. Went back home to my bungalow on the rooftop of Canary Wharf and got ready for a kip in a bath full of long-life milk: when I wake, there will be important work to do.
...part 2 coming soon?!
May 1
9:00 Wellll hooo-ray, it was the morning. I love mornings don't you? Of course I do, I just wrote that, ah ha ha... anyway... Awoke to the glorious sounds of the Mary Poppins soundtrack on my CD alarm clock (ooh... i nearly forgot the L in clock... ooh) and snorted a foot long line of crystal-meth off the naked corpse next to me. Today was an important day because it was a Dale day. In Dale's house, every day is a Dale day... hooo-ray! But even more important than that, today I would reclaim my prevolence in the entertainment industry. It's all down to those Super Monkey Balls I tell you... oooh. People just don't want to spend their time watching Pets Win Prizes. So the solution's simple. And the answer is: kill everyone else in the entertainment industry: correct... hooo-ray.
11:00 After a refreshing breakfast of dry All Bran and Jacobs cream crackers, and my daily exercise of licking the postman's and the paperboy's faces I set off for my important 11:30 meeting
11:30 Couldn't find anywhere to tie my horse outside the office, so I traded it for a skooter with a little girl named Alice. Arr... she looked so sweet before the horse did that thing with its leg in her face.
11:45 Went to wash the blood off in some public toilets. Got a phone number for a guy called Desperate-Dan. Might call him later.
11:45 Finally arrived for my meeting with Cheggers and Trisha. These were the only two people I could really trust to help me. I knew them before we were all such superstars, we used to meet at swinging-parties in Derbyshire. We were all in this together because we shared a common goal. We were going to make everyone spend all their leisure time entertained by us. The holy trinity of entertainmentness.
13:00 Broke for lunch. Cheggers was still talking about his train journey and the weather, while Trisha was recharging her grin-battery from a loose-fitting light socket. I had a delicious salad of ryvita and sand and proceeded to complete the mission on my own.
14:50 Wheeled into a local video game store on my S-Club 7 Skooter. Here would be a good point (ooh-er) to start dealing with the competition. I poured absinthe all over the X-Box aisle and struck a match to it. Hooo-ray more viewers for me. I gathered all the PS2 games and slowly licked each one, labelling the case with a 'Dale Winton Has Licked This' sticker. Hooo-ray.
15:30 Having licked all the stock in the game shop, and the staff, and the customers, even the boy with the particularly angry looking blackheads, I set about part two of my plan.
16:00 Began putting up posters and giant cut-outs of me licking my own face in a mirror. Started stocking the shelves with the following products:
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the series 1-24
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the movie 1,2&3
Dale Winton the licking-console
Dale Winton the licking-game 1,2&3
+assorted Dale Winton peripherals (perlickerals)
Also got a local architect to sketch plans for my licking-booth.
17:00 Puffed on a little PCP and drew up plans to expand my entertainment franchise. No one can stop me now. WOOooooh.
23:00 Woke up amongst the frozen peas in my local KwikSave. That happens sometimes. Went back home to my bungalow on the rooftop of Canary Wharf and got ready for a kip in a bath full of long-life milk: when I wake, there will be important work to do.
...part 2 coming soon?!
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Dude, you... scare me.
I must admit, I scare me too... it's an occupational hazard if you are involved in counter-Winton espionage...
...more related news to follow shortly!
> Dude, you... scare me.
I must admit, I scare me too... it's an occupational hazard if you are involved in counter-Winton espionage...
...more related news to follow shortly!
Erm...
All I can say is that I feel compelled to say "hoo-ray!"
All I can say is that I feel compelled to say "hoo-ray!"
Dude, you... scare me. But, as always, quality stuff. Although I now have a rather unappealing mental image stuck in my head.
*hoo-ray*
*hoo-ray*
It seems some of you were intrigued, or indeed frightened, by the propsect of Dale Winton's slavering tongue. You were right to highlight this issue, it is an important one. Dale Winton's effect on gaming must not be under-estimated. Not only is he the pinnacle of gay-'ming', but he's also an evil genius intent on destroying the video game industry. In true illzen style, I have brought you an extract from his hidden diary as proof. I hope I don't get banned for it... remember it is Dale Winton we are talking about!
May 1
9:00 Wellll hooo-ray, it was the morning. I love mornings don't you? Of course I do, I just wrote that, ah ha ha... anyway... Awoke to the glorious sounds of the Mary Poppins soundtrack on my CD alarm clock (ooh... i nearly forgot the L in clock... ooh) and snorted a foot long line of crystal-meth off the naked corpse next to me. Today was an important day because it was a Dale day. In Dale's house, every day is a Dale day... hooo-ray! But even more important than that, today I would reclaim my prevolence in the entertainment industry. It's all down to those Super Monkey Balls I tell you... oooh. People just don't want to spend their time watching Pets Win Prizes. So the solution's simple. And the answer is: kill everyone else in the entertainment industry: correct... hooo-ray.
11:00 After a refreshing breakfast of dry All Bran and Jacobs cream crackers, and my daily exercise of licking the postman's and the paperboy's faces I set off for my important 11:30 meeting
11:30 Couldn't find anywhere to tie my horse outside the office, so I traded it for a skooter with a little girl named Alice. Arr... she looked so sweet before the horse did that thing with its leg in her face.
11:45 Went to wash the blood off in some public toilets. Got a phone number for a guy called Desperate-Dan. Might call him later.
11:45 Finally arrived for my meeting with Cheggers and Trisha. These were the only two people I could really trust to help me. I knew them before we were all such superstars, we used to meet at swinging-parties in Derbyshire. We were all in this together because we shared a common goal. We were going to make everyone spend all their leisure time entertained by us. The holy trinity of entertainmentness.
13:00 Broke for lunch. Cheggers was still talking about his train journey and the weather, while Trisha was recharging her grin-battery from a loose-fitting light socket. I had a delicious salad of ryvita and sand and proceeded to complete the mission on my own.
14:50 Wheeled into a local video game store on my S-Club 7 Skooter. Here would be a good point (ooh-er) to start dealing with the competition. I poured absinthe all over the X-Box aisle and struck a match to it. Hooo-ray more viewers for me. I gathered all the PS2 games and slowly licked each one, labelling the case with a 'Dale Winton Has Licked This' sticker. Hooo-ray.
15:30 Having licked all the stock in the game shop, and the staff, and the customers, even the boy with the particularly angry looking blackheads, I set about part two of my plan.
16:00 Began putting up posters and giant cut-outs of me licking my own face in a mirror. Started stocking the shelves with the following products:
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the series 1-24
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the movie 1,2&3
Dale Winton the licking-console
Dale Winton the licking-game 1,2&3
+assorted Dale Winton peripherals (perlickerals)
Also got a local architect to sketch plans for my licking-booth.
17:00 Puffed on a little PCP and drew up plans to expand my entertainment franchise. No one can stop me now. WOOooooh.
23:00 Woke up amongst the frozen peas in my local KwikSave. That happens sometimes. Went back home to my bungalow on the rooftop of Canary Wharf and got ready for a kip in a bath full of long-life milk: when I wake, there will be important work to do.
...part 2 coming soon?!
May 1
9:00 Wellll hooo-ray, it was the morning. I love mornings don't you? Of course I do, I just wrote that, ah ha ha... anyway... Awoke to the glorious sounds of the Mary Poppins soundtrack on my CD alarm clock (ooh... i nearly forgot the L in clock... ooh) and snorted a foot long line of crystal-meth off the naked corpse next to me. Today was an important day because it was a Dale day. In Dale's house, every day is a Dale day... hooo-ray! But even more important than that, today I would reclaim my prevolence in the entertainment industry. It's all down to those Super Monkey Balls I tell you... oooh. People just don't want to spend their time watching Pets Win Prizes. So the solution's simple. And the answer is: kill everyone else in the entertainment industry: correct... hooo-ray.
11:00 After a refreshing breakfast of dry All Bran and Jacobs cream crackers, and my daily exercise of licking the postman's and the paperboy's faces I set off for my important 11:30 meeting
11:30 Couldn't find anywhere to tie my horse outside the office, so I traded it for a skooter with a little girl named Alice. Arr... she looked so sweet before the horse did that thing with its leg in her face.
11:45 Went to wash the blood off in some public toilets. Got a phone number for a guy called Desperate-Dan. Might call him later.
11:45 Finally arrived for my meeting with Cheggers and Trisha. These were the only two people I could really trust to help me. I knew them before we were all such superstars, we used to meet at swinging-parties in Derbyshire. We were all in this together because we shared a common goal. We were going to make everyone spend all their leisure time entertained by us. The holy trinity of entertainmentness.
13:00 Broke for lunch. Cheggers was still talking about his train journey and the weather, while Trisha was recharging her grin-battery from a loose-fitting light socket. I had a delicious salad of ryvita and sand and proceeded to complete the mission on my own.
14:50 Wheeled into a local video game store on my S-Club 7 Skooter. Here would be a good point (ooh-er) to start dealing with the competition. I poured absinthe all over the X-Box aisle and struck a match to it. Hooo-ray more viewers for me. I gathered all the PS2 games and slowly licked each one, labelling the case with a 'Dale Winton Has Licked This' sticker. Hooo-ray.
15:30 Having licked all the stock in the game shop, and the staff, and the customers, even the boy with the particularly angry looking blackheads, I set about part two of my plan.
16:00 Began putting up posters and giant cut-outs of me licking my own face in a mirror. Started stocking the shelves with the following products:
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the series 1-24
Dale Winton DVD: licking: the movie 1,2&3
Dale Winton the licking-console
Dale Winton the licking-game 1,2&3
+assorted Dale Winton peripherals (perlickerals)
Also got a local architect to sketch plans for my licking-booth.
17:00 Puffed on a little PCP and drew up plans to expand my entertainment franchise. No one can stop me now. WOOooooh.
23:00 Woke up amongst the frozen peas in my local KwikSave. That happens sometimes. Went back home to my bungalow on the rooftop of Canary Wharf and got ready for a kip in a bath full of long-life milk: when I wake, there will be important work to do.
...part 2 coming soon?!