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"The trouble with storm troopers"

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Sat 04/05/02 at 17:32
Regular
Posts: 787
Repeatedly throughout the Star Wars trilogy, storm troopers show they can't hit the broad side of a barn with their blasters. They can't shoot two droids slowly crossing a hallway, they can't hit a shocked kid standing perfectly still after watching his mentor get sliced up by Vader, they can't even win a battle against a bunch of teddy bears. By contrast, the sand people of Tatooine are able to hit low-flying jet pod racers which go at nearly the speed of sound, from hundreds of feet away. Still, Obi Wan says that "These blast points are too accurate for sand people, only imperial storm troopers are so precise."

Also, what's with the armour? They got shot with a laser blast, they die. They get hit with an arrow, they die. They get hit with a bloomin' STICK by a lil' Ewok and they get knocked out! Surely they'd be better off not wearing any armour at all, as all it does is slow them down when they run! And that's all they seem to do... run. They're either chasing someone, or being chased themselves. Here's the scene - Han and the gang come across six or so storm troopers and, instead of all opening fire and bumping off Luke before he ever goes near an X-Wing and blows up the Death Star, what do they do? They run away! Were they cowards? Were their guns jammed? Did they just not feel like fighting? They're not too bright, are they? Just watch as they charge into the room where C3PO and R2D2 are hiding, one of the silly muppets bangs his head on the door on his way in! Same thing happens in The Empire Strikes Back, when Solo is brought into the cell where Chewie and Leia are waiting. As they leave, one of the low IQ suffering storm troopers bangs into the door frame on the way out! To say they're the Empire's finest, trained in weapons, tactics and genocide, you'd think they'd be able to navigate the hazards of a low door... Must be their stupid helmets, which brings me back to the armour thing - why bother with it? It just serves as a way of letting people like Luke and Han sneak around the Death Star without being noticed, because they're wearing those bloomin' big helmets!

Maybe the Empire should've spent a little galactic moolah on sending their soldiers to school, instead of hiring a bunch of goons who are fooled by an old man waving his hand around, stand still while being shot at, and couldn't hit Vanessa Feltz's gigantic butt with a cannon. They don't even see a huge Wookie, a smuggler, an incompetent farmer and a princess dive down a big vent. Did they see that they had disappeared and just didn't bother to go looking for them? Did they somehow miss the huge gaping hole, big enough for someone as big as Chewbacca to slide down? Then again, it IS very easy to escape and hide from them. Their searching methods consist of "If the door's locked, move onto the next one." Wow, all that training, all that armour, all that weaponry, and all you have to do to evade them is lock your door and let them wander off down the street.

I always thought storm troopers were meant to be fearless, but in The Empire Strikes Back, when Lando's guards pull their weapons on them, they're only too happy to give up, hand over their blaster rifles, which they must KNOW are going to be used against their comrades, and not even bother shouting for help! They have radios in their helmets, don't they? Why didn't one of them think to radio a "Help! Lando has turned on us!" message! It's a disgrace.

And another thing, their guns. Not only do they not appear to be any more powerful than Han's tiny blaster (his gun goes throw their pathetic armour as easily as theirs) but they seem to THINK they're weapons are super charged. How else could you explain why they start shooting at the Millennium Falcon as it leaves Tatooine? Or when it leaves Cloud City? Can't they see their lasers simply bounce off the hull? At least the snow troopers in Empire Strikes Back carry a huge cannon when they come across Solo's ship. Shame that it takes them half an hour to assemble it. Did they lose the instructions? And instead of all of them helping to put it together, one or two of them decide to start shooting at the ship themselves... Maybe the Empire should actually tell them their guns have a tendency to bounce off metal. Or maybe they were actually told that, but due to their lack of IQ, they forgot it, along with how to shoot at people moving very slowly. Maybe they also forgot that wearing bright white isn’t the best idea when you’re in the lush green forests of Endor. As if they weren’t easy enough targets already, they try to stand out even MORE! They seem to have honed the skill of standing still in a battle down to perfection.

And what about when they come across Leia in A New Hope, and one unfortunate storm trooper decides he'd rather stop, turn around, tell his men to set their weapons for stun, get out of their line of sight and let THEM shoot her. All that, when he could have just shot her himself, and saved himself a laser blast in the chest. Did he not see the HUGE blaster she was holding up to her face? Must be those darn helmets again...
Sat 04/05/02 at 22:36
Posts: 0
Have you seen the bit when you start up Rogue Leader (for GameCube) and all the stormtroopers do a little dance?

Heh, another Star Wars classic!
Sat 04/05/02 at 17:32
Regular
"That's right!"
Posts: 10,645
Repeatedly throughout the Star Wars trilogy, storm troopers show they can't hit the broad side of a barn with their blasters. They can't shoot two droids slowly crossing a hallway, they can't hit a shocked kid standing perfectly still after watching his mentor get sliced up by Vader, they can't even win a battle against a bunch of teddy bears. By contrast, the sand people of Tatooine are able to hit low-flying jet pod racers which go at nearly the speed of sound, from hundreds of feet away. Still, Obi Wan says that "These blast points are too accurate for sand people, only imperial storm troopers are so precise."

Also, what's with the armour? They got shot with a laser blast, they die. They get hit with an arrow, they die. They get hit with a bloomin' STICK by a lil' Ewok and they get knocked out! Surely they'd be better off not wearing any armour at all, as all it does is slow them down when they run! And that's all they seem to do... run. They're either chasing someone, or being chased themselves. Here's the scene - Han and the gang come across six or so storm troopers and, instead of all opening fire and bumping off Luke before he ever goes near an X-Wing and blows up the Death Star, what do they do? They run away! Were they cowards? Were their guns jammed? Did they just not feel like fighting? They're not too bright, are they? Just watch as they charge into the room where C3PO and R2D2 are hiding, one of the silly muppets bangs his head on the door on his way in! Same thing happens in The Empire Strikes Back, when Solo is brought into the cell where Chewie and Leia are waiting. As they leave, one of the low IQ suffering storm troopers bangs into the door frame on the way out! To say they're the Empire's finest, trained in weapons, tactics and genocide, you'd think they'd be able to navigate the hazards of a low door... Must be their stupid helmets, which brings me back to the armour thing - why bother with it? It just serves as a way of letting people like Luke and Han sneak around the Death Star without being noticed, because they're wearing those bloomin' big helmets!

Maybe the Empire should've spent a little galactic moolah on sending their soldiers to school, instead of hiring a bunch of goons who are fooled by an old man waving his hand around, stand still while being shot at, and couldn't hit Vanessa Feltz's gigantic butt with a cannon. They don't even see a huge Wookie, a smuggler, an incompetent farmer and a princess dive down a big vent. Did they see that they had disappeared and just didn't bother to go looking for them? Did they somehow miss the huge gaping hole, big enough for someone as big as Chewbacca to slide down? Then again, it IS very easy to escape and hide from them. Their searching methods consist of "If the door's locked, move onto the next one." Wow, all that training, all that armour, all that weaponry, and all you have to do to evade them is lock your door and let them wander off down the street.

I always thought storm troopers were meant to be fearless, but in The Empire Strikes Back, when Lando's guards pull their weapons on them, they're only too happy to give up, hand over their blaster rifles, which they must KNOW are going to be used against their comrades, and not even bother shouting for help! They have radios in their helmets, don't they? Why didn't one of them think to radio a "Help! Lando has turned on us!" message! It's a disgrace.

And another thing, their guns. Not only do they not appear to be any more powerful than Han's tiny blaster (his gun goes throw their pathetic armour as easily as theirs) but they seem to THINK they're weapons are super charged. How else could you explain why they start shooting at the Millennium Falcon as it leaves Tatooine? Or when it leaves Cloud City? Can't they see their lasers simply bounce off the hull? At least the snow troopers in Empire Strikes Back carry a huge cannon when they come across Solo's ship. Shame that it takes them half an hour to assemble it. Did they lose the instructions? And instead of all of them helping to put it together, one or two of them decide to start shooting at the ship themselves... Maybe the Empire should actually tell them their guns have a tendency to bounce off metal. Or maybe they were actually told that, but due to their lack of IQ, they forgot it, along with how to shoot at people moving very slowly. Maybe they also forgot that wearing bright white isn’t the best idea when you’re in the lush green forests of Endor. As if they weren’t easy enough targets already, they try to stand out even MORE! They seem to have honed the skill of standing still in a battle down to perfection.

And what about when they come across Leia in A New Hope, and one unfortunate storm trooper decides he'd rather stop, turn around, tell his men to set their weapons for stun, get out of their line of sight and let THEM shoot her. All that, when he could have just shot her himself, and saved himself a laser blast in the chest. Did he not see the HUGE blaster she was holding up to her face? Must be those darn helmets again...

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