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So female contestant with a shiny face from Wigan, your last question:
"Hee hee. If I were drunk and staggering 'ome with yer, what would ya do? Ummm..that's to nummer 1"
"Well, first I'd try and shove my hand down your top. Then when we got back to my place, I'd make you sleep in the bath in case you vommed everywhere and I'd photograph you naked and post them on a website"
"Oooh! Nummer..er..2?"
"I'd steal your money and leave you for dead"
"Hee Hee"
(Audience moos)
"Nummer 3?"
"I'd look at you in disgust and walk off, trying to cop off with your fit mate who doesn't have a red face and who hasn't just farted when she fell over in the alley. You pig"
(Camp Voice-Over Man)
"So slightly-chubby minger from Wigan with bingo-wings and a cleavage like the grand canyon, will it be:
Number One - The date-rapist only interested in seeing your white patches and trying to check if you did shave your massive pasty legs for the date?
Or will it be number two, the murderous Pikey from Northumberlan with an unhealthy pallour and shifty eyes?
Or Number 3, the aloof and thinks-he's-cool yuppie with a shoulder-holster for his mobile phone?"
(Audience moos again)
The door gets kicked down and a decent member of society that has snapped machine-guns the entire audience and cast, screaming "Why are you watching this crap? Don't you know wars are being fought right now? Snap out of your apathy cow-people!"
--
I have no idea what this post is about to be honest, it's late and I started writing without any idea as to what it would be.
"Hee hee. If I were drunk and staggering 'ome with yer, what would ya do? Ummm..that's to nummer 1"
"Well, first I'd try and shove my hand down your top. Then when we got back to my place, I'd make you sleep in the bath in case you vommed everywhere and I'd photograph you naked and post them on a website"
"Oooh! Nummer..er..2?"
"I'd steal your money and leave you for dead"
"Hee Hee"
(Audience moos)
"Nummer 3?"
"I'd look at you in disgust and walk off, trying to cop off with your fit mate who doesn't have a red face and who hasn't just farted when she fell over in the alley. You pig"
(Camp Voice-Over Man)
"So slightly-chubby minger from Wigan with bingo-wings and a cleavage like the grand canyon, will it be:
Number One - The date-rapist only interested in seeing your white patches and trying to check if you did shave your massive pasty legs for the date?
Or will it be number two, the murderous Pikey from Northumberlan with an unhealthy pallour and shifty eyes?
Or Number 3, the aloof and thinks-he's-cool yuppie with a shoulder-holster for his mobile phone?"
(Audience moos again)
The door gets kicked down and a decent member of society that has snapped machine-guns the entire audience and cast, screaming "Why are you watching this crap? Don't you know wars are being fought right now? Snap out of your apathy cow-people!"
--
I have no idea what this post is about to be honest, it's late and I started writing without any idea as to what it would be.
So female contestant with a shiny face from Wigan, your last question:
"Hee hee. If I were drunk and staggering 'ome with yer, what would ya do? Ummm..that's to nummer 1"
"Well, first I'd try and shove my hand down your top. Then when we got back to my place, I'd make you sleep in the bath in case you vommed everywhere and I'd photograph you naked and post them on a website"
"Oooh! Nummer..er..2?"
"I'd steal your money and leave you for dead"
"Hee Hee"
(Audience moos)
"Nummer 3?"
"I'd look at you in disgust and walk off, trying to cop off with your fit mate who doesn't have a red face and who hasn't just farted when she fell over in the alley. You pig"
(Camp Voice-Over Man)
"So slightly-chubby minger from Wigan with bingo-wings and a cleavage like the grand canyon, will it be:
Number One - The date-rapist only interested in seeing your white patches and trying to check if you did shave your massive pasty legs for the date?
Or will it be number two, the murderous Pikey from Northumberlan with an unhealthy pallour and shifty eyes?
Or Number 3, the aloof and thinks-he's-cool yuppie with a shoulder-holster for his mobile phone?"
(Audience moos again)
The door gets kicked down and a decent member of society that has snapped machine-guns the entire audience and cast, screaming "Why are you watching this crap? Don't you know wars are being fought right now? Snap out of your apathy cow-people!"
--
I have no idea what this post is about to be honest, it's late and I started writing without any idea as to what it would be.
"Hee hee. If I were drunk and staggering 'ome with yer, what would ya do? Ummm..that's to nummer 1"
"Well, first I'd try and shove my hand down your top. Then when we got back to my place, I'd make you sleep in the bath in case you vommed everywhere and I'd photograph you naked and post them on a website"
"Oooh! Nummer..er..2?"
"I'd steal your money and leave you for dead"
"Hee Hee"
(Audience moos)
"Nummer 3?"
"I'd look at you in disgust and walk off, trying to cop off with your fit mate who doesn't have a red face and who hasn't just farted when she fell over in the alley. You pig"
(Camp Voice-Over Man)
"So slightly-chubby minger from Wigan with bingo-wings and a cleavage like the grand canyon, will it be:
Number One - The date-rapist only interested in seeing your white patches and trying to check if you did shave your massive pasty legs for the date?
Or will it be number two, the murderous Pikey from Northumberlan with an unhealthy pallour and shifty eyes?
Or Number 3, the aloof and thinks-he's-cool yuppie with a shoulder-holster for his mobile phone?"
(Audience moos again)
The door gets kicked down and a decent member of society that has snapped machine-guns the entire audience and cast, screaming "Why are you watching this crap? Don't you know wars are being fought right now? Snap out of your apathy cow-people!"
--
I have no idea what this post is about to be honest, it's late and I started writing without any idea as to what it would be.
I am unsure how Blind Date passes for entertainment. On a Saturday evening.
It's real trash TV. Why would anyone want to watch other people trying to find partners, and watch their dates and stuff? Who cares?
Stars in their Eyes too. Why bother? Can't we just listen to the original? Apparently, they once wouldn't let someone go on a Neil Hannon (Divine Comedy) because they didn't think anyone woul have heard of him.
Your TV line up for this Saturday night is:
Plop Idol
Stars in their Eyes
Blind Date
Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
TV Nightmares 23
None of this is entertainment. Watch other people do ordinary people stuff, then watch actors screw stuff up. Why bother?
It's real trash TV. Why would anyone want to watch other people trying to find partners, and watch their dates and stuff? Who cares?
Stars in their Eyes too. Why bother? Can't we just listen to the original? Apparently, they once wouldn't let someone go on a Neil Hannon (Divine Comedy) because they didn't think anyone woul have heard of him.
Your TV line up for this Saturday night is:
Plop Idol
Stars in their Eyes
Blind Date
Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
TV Nightmares 23
None of this is entertainment. Watch other people do ordinary people stuff, then watch actors screw stuff up. Why bother?
I shall be watching something from the video store me thinks.
Anyone seen 'the contender' or 'memento'? They looked ok(ish) when I was in last. Either that or 'requiem for a dream', but the bird wasn't too impressed when I showed her the box last time.
Still must see that film at some point :(
Anyone seen 'the contender' or 'memento'? They looked ok(ish) when I was in last. Either that or 'requiem for a dream', but the bird wasn't too impressed when I showed her the box last time.
Still must see that film at some point :(
Pop idle and stars in their eyes is the worst of Saturday 'entertainment'. How many more time must we suffer watching classic songs ripped to shreds by people who think their the worlds greatest singer when quite clearly they are not.
If they want to show talent, then why do they not write their own songs instead of singing existing ones so badly? These shows aren't entertaining, their depressing, I'm just glad i have a big DVD collection, its saved me from the curse of saturday night TV so many times.
If they want to show talent, then why do they not write their own songs instead of singing existing ones so badly? These shows aren't entertaining, their depressing, I'm just glad i have a big DVD collection, its saved me from the curse of saturday night TV so many times.