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So I’m here at the interview.
He sits there on the other side of the desk, smug because he holds the position of power.
“So, tell me about yourself”
I sit back and try not to laugh in his face. How do I sum up 28 years of life in nice sentences to this person? Where do I start
Should I tell him that I don’t like to be in crowds of people because they make me nervous and agitated?
Perhaps I should tell him how the last thing I wanted to be as a kid was an office-drone?
He doesn’t want to know that stuff, we both sit there and pretend otherwise.
I smile (it’s nothing but teeth) and lie about how well I work in a team and how I am pro-active.
He nods in the appropriate places and makes interested noises, like a parent cooing at the baby.
I don’t like being put on display, being forced to try and sell myself in order to work at a place I had never heard of until I saw the ad in the paper.
I can picture his face if I break with the dance and say “Well Brad, I detest the notion of working in an office, I’m only here because I need the money. I’ll be good and not steal stationary but let’s be honest now, as soon as I leave this office you’ll have forgotten my face.”
So I continue with the work-speak and project enthusiasm for a job I know I’ll detest with people I wont like.
He’s talking at me now, concentrate on the lips. What’s he saying?
Why do I want to work for this company?
“Well, to be honest I don’t. But it’s near my house and the pay will allow me to keep the wolves from my door, all the while I’ll daydream about a life I was told I could have if I worked hard at school. But guess what Brad, they don’t give lessons in “achieving your soul’s desire”. Sure, if I wanted to be another teacher, then it would have been ideal. But they don’t, so here I am sitting in front of you pretending like I care whilst you sit there and pretend like you’re interested in me.”
Would that be ok? No, who am I kidding here? Trot out more lies, tell him what he wants to hear.
“What are my interests?”
Well at weekends I like to write.
Poems, lyrics, short stories. Sometimes I go out with my friends and try to annihilate that nagging feeling of apathy and the quiet scream that builds with each day I am not doing what I wanted to do as a kid.
I like to imagine I am a person that is allowed to go through life with his own thoughts and dreams, I imagine a world where I do not have to listen to others fill me up with noise about things I don’t care about.
Sometimes I fantasise about killing the person on the bus next to me, just to pass the time until I get home you understand.
I lie to strangers about what I do, because I don’t want to be reminded that I don’t actually matter. I pretend to myself that if I died, then someone not in my family would mourn me.
I try to imagine what my perfect partner would be like, the feel of her arm across my chest when I wake in the morning or the sound of her voice when I need to hear a friendly tone instead of the hateful buzzing I seem surrounded by most days.
I wish someone was there that could put their arms around me and not see the person inside that I have become.
I want someone that I can explain my thoughts to without them looking strangely at me and making excuses to leave.
…no, he doesn’t want to hear that either.
“Well I like to socialise”.
But I don’t.
I hate socialising, preening in front of strangers like a peacock.
Is he buying this crap?
“Where do I see myself in 5 years from now”
I see myself exactly where I was 5 years ago, dreaming of things I probably will never do, hiding in a job that requires nothing because it’s safer than striking out and grabbing for the things I was told I could have as a kid.
I see myself living in a nice house with a wife that I still find attractive after a year.
I see myself playing in a band that people like, playing to thousands of people that are moved by the music we create.
Nope, that’s not the right thing to say either.
We both know this and pretend like we don’t.
This is stupid, but if I say what’s in my head then he’ll not even consider me for the job.
A job I don’t even want.
"Why should we hire you?"
I don't know, if I did then I'd be on that side of the table.
Stupid question.
Hire me because I wont steal stationary. Hire me because you need another worker to fit into the hive and I look similar to the others.
I'm in a shirt and jacket, I'd "fit in" wouldn't I?
Why should you hire me?
I don't know.
You should hire me because deep down you thrive on the petty power you have as an interviewer. It gives you the illusion you aren't ticking off the weeks, you have a purpose.
I'll tell you one thing though, hire me or not - I'll still be me and still know that I'll never wake up and actually be concerned about proft overheads and running costs.
Just give me the job, I have the necessary qualifications and seem respectable enough.
Shut and let me start to resent this company already would you?
I've got another 4 interviews this afternoon and already my head is starting to hurt.
He sits there on the other side of the desk, smug because he holds the position of power.
“So, tell me about yourself”
I sit back and try not to laugh in his face. How do I sum up 28 years of life in nice sentences to this person? Where do I start
Should I tell him that I don’t like to be in crowds of people because they make me nervous and agitated?
Perhaps I should tell him how the last thing I wanted to be as a kid was an office-drone?
He doesn’t want to know that stuff, we both sit there and pretend otherwise.
I smile (it’s nothing but teeth) and lie about how well I work in a team and how I am pro-active.
He nods in the appropriate places and makes interested noises, like a parent cooing at the baby.
I don’t like being put on display, being forced to try and sell myself in order to work at a place I had never heard of until I saw the ad in the paper.
I can picture his face if I break with the dance and say “Well Brad, I detest the notion of working in an office, I’m only here because I need the money. I’ll be good and not steal stationary but let’s be honest now, as soon as I leave this office you’ll have forgotten my face.”
So I continue with the work-speak and project enthusiasm for a job I know I’ll detest with people I wont like.
He’s talking at me now, concentrate on the lips. What’s he saying?
Why do I want to work for this company?
“Well, to be honest I don’t. But it’s near my house and the pay will allow me to keep the wolves from my door, all the while I’ll daydream about a life I was told I could have if I worked hard at school. But guess what Brad, they don’t give lessons in “achieving your soul’s desire”. Sure, if I wanted to be another teacher, then it would have been ideal. But they don’t, so here I am sitting in front of you pretending like I care whilst you sit there and pretend like you’re interested in me.”
Would that be ok? No, who am I kidding here? Trot out more lies, tell him what he wants to hear.
“What are my interests?”
Well at weekends I like to write.
Poems, lyrics, short stories. Sometimes I go out with my friends and try to annihilate that nagging feeling of apathy and the quiet scream that builds with each day I am not doing what I wanted to do as a kid.
I like to imagine I am a person that is allowed to go through life with his own thoughts and dreams, I imagine a world where I do not have to listen to others fill me up with noise about things I don’t care about.
Sometimes I fantasise about killing the person on the bus next to me, just to pass the time until I get home you understand.
I lie to strangers about what I do, because I don’t want to be reminded that I don’t actually matter. I pretend to myself that if I died, then someone not in my family would mourn me.
I try to imagine what my perfect partner would be like, the feel of her arm across my chest when I wake in the morning or the sound of her voice when I need to hear a friendly tone instead of the hateful buzzing I seem surrounded by most days.
I wish someone was there that could put their arms around me and not see the person inside that I have become.
I want someone that I can explain my thoughts to without them looking strangely at me and making excuses to leave.
…no, he doesn’t want to hear that either.
“Well I like to socialise”.
But I don’t.
I hate socialising, preening in front of strangers like a peacock.
Is he buying this crap?
“Where do I see myself in 5 years from now”
I see myself exactly where I was 5 years ago, dreaming of things I probably will never do, hiding in a job that requires nothing because it’s safer than striking out and grabbing for the things I was told I could have as a kid.
I see myself living in a nice house with a wife that I still find attractive after a year.
I see myself playing in a band that people like, playing to thousands of people that are moved by the music we create.
Nope, that’s not the right thing to say either.
We both know this and pretend like we don’t.
This is stupid, but if I say what’s in my head then he’ll not even consider me for the job.
A job I don’t even want.
"Why should we hire you?"
I don't know, if I did then I'd be on that side of the table.
Stupid question.
Hire me because I wont steal stationary. Hire me because you need another worker to fit into the hive and I look similar to the others.
I'm in a shirt and jacket, I'd "fit in" wouldn't I?
Why should you hire me?
I don't know.
You should hire me because deep down you thrive on the petty power you have as an interviewer. It gives you the illusion you aren't ticking off the weeks, you have a purpose.
I'll tell you one thing though, hire me or not - I'll still be me and still know that I'll never wake up and actually be concerned about proft overheads and running costs.
Just give me the job, I have the necessary qualifications and seem respectable enough.
Shut and let me start to resent this company already would you?
I've got another 4 interviews this afternoon and already my head is starting to hurt.
So I’m here at the interview.
He sits there on the other side of the desk, smug because he holds the position of power.
“So, tell me about yourself”
I sit back and try not to laugh in his face. How do I sum up 28 years of life in nice sentences to this person? Where do I start
Should I tell him that I don’t like to be in crowds of people because they make me nervous and agitated?
Perhaps I should tell him how the last thing I wanted to be as a kid was an office-drone?
He doesn’t want to know that stuff, we both sit there and pretend otherwise.
I smile (it’s nothing but teeth) and lie about how well I work in a team and how I am pro-active.
He nods in the appropriate places and makes interested noises, like a parent cooing at the baby.
I don’t like being put on display, being forced to try and sell myself in order to work at a place I had never heard of until I saw the ad in the paper.
I can picture his face if I break with the dance and say “Well Brad, I detest the notion of working in an office, I’m only here because I need the money. I’ll be good and not steal stationary but let’s be honest now, as soon as I leave this office you’ll have forgotten my face.”
So I continue with the work-speak and project enthusiasm for a job I know I’ll detest with people I wont like.
He’s talking at me now, concentrate on the lips. What’s he saying?
Why do I want to work for this company?
“Well, to be honest I don’t. But it’s near my house and the pay will allow me to keep the wolves from my door, all the while I’ll daydream about a life I was told I could have if I worked hard at school. But guess what Brad, they don’t give lessons in “achieving your soul’s desire”. Sure, if I wanted to be another teacher, then it would have been ideal. But they don’t, so here I am sitting in front of you pretending like I care whilst you sit there and pretend like you’re interested in me.”
Would that be ok? No, who am I kidding here? Trot out more lies, tell him what he wants to hear.
“What are my interests?”
Well at weekends I like to write.
Poems, lyrics, short stories. Sometimes I go out with my friends and try to annihilate that nagging feeling of apathy and the quiet scream that builds with each day I am not doing what I wanted to do as a kid.
I like to imagine I am a person that is allowed to go through life with his own thoughts and dreams, I imagine a world where I do not have to listen to others fill me up with noise about things I don’t care about.
Sometimes I fantasise about killing the person on the bus next to me, just to pass the time until I get home you understand.
I lie to strangers about what I do, because I don’t want to be reminded that I don’t actually matter. I pretend to myself that if I died, then someone not in my family would mourn me.
I try to imagine what my perfect partner would be like, the feel of her arm across my chest when I wake in the morning or the sound of her voice when I need to hear a friendly tone instead of the hateful buzzing I seem surrounded by most days.
I wish someone was there that could put their arms around me and not see the person inside that I have become.
I want someone that I can explain my thoughts to without them looking strangely at me and making excuses to leave.
…no, he doesn’t want to hear that either.
“Well I like to socialise”.
But I don’t.
I hate socialising, preening in front of strangers like a peacock.
Is he buying this crap?
“Where do I see myself in 5 years from now”
I see myself exactly where I was 5 years ago, dreaming of things I probably will never do, hiding in a job that requires nothing because it’s safer than striking out and grabbing for the things I was told I could have as a kid.
I see myself living in a nice house with a wife that I still find attractive after a year.
I see myself playing in a band that people like, playing to thousands of people that are moved by the music we create.
Nope, that’s not the right thing to say either.
We both know this and pretend like we don’t.
This is stupid, but if I say what’s in my head then he’ll not even consider me for the job.
A job I don’t even want.
"Why should we hire you?"
I don't know, if I did then I'd be on that side of the table.
Stupid question.
Hire me because I wont steal stationary. Hire me because you need another worker to fit into the hive and I look similar to the others.
I'm in a shirt and jacket, I'd "fit in" wouldn't I?
Why should you hire me?
I don't know.
You should hire me because deep down you thrive on the petty power you have as an interviewer. It gives you the illusion you aren't ticking off the weeks, you have a purpose.
I'll tell you one thing though, hire me or not - I'll still be me and still know that I'll never wake up and actually be concerned about proft overheads and running costs.
Just give me the job, I have the necessary qualifications and seem respectable enough.
Shut and let me start to resent this company already would you?
I've got another 4 interviews this afternoon and already my head is starting to hurt.
He sits there on the other side of the desk, smug because he holds the position of power.
“So, tell me about yourself”
I sit back and try not to laugh in his face. How do I sum up 28 years of life in nice sentences to this person? Where do I start
Should I tell him that I don’t like to be in crowds of people because they make me nervous and agitated?
Perhaps I should tell him how the last thing I wanted to be as a kid was an office-drone?
He doesn’t want to know that stuff, we both sit there and pretend otherwise.
I smile (it’s nothing but teeth) and lie about how well I work in a team and how I am pro-active.
He nods in the appropriate places and makes interested noises, like a parent cooing at the baby.
I don’t like being put on display, being forced to try and sell myself in order to work at a place I had never heard of until I saw the ad in the paper.
I can picture his face if I break with the dance and say “Well Brad, I detest the notion of working in an office, I’m only here because I need the money. I’ll be good and not steal stationary but let’s be honest now, as soon as I leave this office you’ll have forgotten my face.”
So I continue with the work-speak and project enthusiasm for a job I know I’ll detest with people I wont like.
He’s talking at me now, concentrate on the lips. What’s he saying?
Why do I want to work for this company?
“Well, to be honest I don’t. But it’s near my house and the pay will allow me to keep the wolves from my door, all the while I’ll daydream about a life I was told I could have if I worked hard at school. But guess what Brad, they don’t give lessons in “achieving your soul’s desire”. Sure, if I wanted to be another teacher, then it would have been ideal. But they don’t, so here I am sitting in front of you pretending like I care whilst you sit there and pretend like you’re interested in me.”
Would that be ok? No, who am I kidding here? Trot out more lies, tell him what he wants to hear.
“What are my interests?”
Well at weekends I like to write.
Poems, lyrics, short stories. Sometimes I go out with my friends and try to annihilate that nagging feeling of apathy and the quiet scream that builds with each day I am not doing what I wanted to do as a kid.
I like to imagine I am a person that is allowed to go through life with his own thoughts and dreams, I imagine a world where I do not have to listen to others fill me up with noise about things I don’t care about.
Sometimes I fantasise about killing the person on the bus next to me, just to pass the time until I get home you understand.
I lie to strangers about what I do, because I don’t want to be reminded that I don’t actually matter. I pretend to myself that if I died, then someone not in my family would mourn me.
I try to imagine what my perfect partner would be like, the feel of her arm across my chest when I wake in the morning or the sound of her voice when I need to hear a friendly tone instead of the hateful buzzing I seem surrounded by most days.
I wish someone was there that could put their arms around me and not see the person inside that I have become.
I want someone that I can explain my thoughts to without them looking strangely at me and making excuses to leave.
…no, he doesn’t want to hear that either.
“Well I like to socialise”.
But I don’t.
I hate socialising, preening in front of strangers like a peacock.
Is he buying this crap?
“Where do I see myself in 5 years from now”
I see myself exactly where I was 5 years ago, dreaming of things I probably will never do, hiding in a job that requires nothing because it’s safer than striking out and grabbing for the things I was told I could have as a kid.
I see myself living in a nice house with a wife that I still find attractive after a year.
I see myself playing in a band that people like, playing to thousands of people that are moved by the music we create.
Nope, that’s not the right thing to say either.
We both know this and pretend like we don’t.
This is stupid, but if I say what’s in my head then he’ll not even consider me for the job.
A job I don’t even want.
"Why should we hire you?"
I don't know, if I did then I'd be on that side of the table.
Stupid question.
Hire me because I wont steal stationary. Hire me because you need another worker to fit into the hive and I look similar to the others.
I'm in a shirt and jacket, I'd "fit in" wouldn't I?
Why should you hire me?
I don't know.
You should hire me because deep down you thrive on the petty power you have as an interviewer. It gives you the illusion you aren't ticking off the weeks, you have a purpose.
I'll tell you one thing though, hire me or not - I'll still be me and still know that I'll never wake up and actually be concerned about proft overheads and running costs.
Just give me the job, I have the necessary qualifications and seem respectable enough.
Shut and let me start to resent this company already would you?
I've got another 4 interviews this afternoon and already my head is starting to hurt.
“Well, to be honest I don’t. But it’s near my house and the pay will allow me to keep the wolves from my door, all the while I’ll daydream about a life I was told I could have if I worked hard at school. But guess what Brad, they don’t give lessons in “achieving your soul’s desire”. Sure, if I wanted to be another teacher, then it would have been ideal. But they don’t, so here I am sitting in front of you pretending like I care whilst you sit there and pretend like you’re interested in me.”
Would that be ok? No, who am I kidding here? Trot out more lies, tell him what he wants to hear.
----
If I was interviewing somebody and they said that with the slight hint of intelligence I'd give them the job... interviews are just one big lie full of fake smiles and phonny handshakes... not that I've had one but I know that somehow.
Ah well
Would that be ok? No, who am I kidding here? Trot out more lies, tell him what he wants to hear.
----
If I was interviewing somebody and they said that with the slight hint of intelligence I'd give them the job... interviews are just one big lie full of fake smiles and phonny handshakes... not that I've had one but I know that somehow.
Ah well
My interview last week went like this......
"So, why do you want to work here....?"
*silence*
"Hello. Are you going to answer?"
*silence*
"Look, I have several more interviews today about this same job."
*silence*
"Alright, that's........"
*slowly raises middle middle finger*
----------
Okay so it didn't really go like that and I didn't even have an interview, but in at least one interview I would love to do that. Same as being a teacher. I would love to be a teacher for one moment. Pick someone in a class that you don't like. Pick on them constantly. When they keep asking a question, blatently ignore them. Then, after the 3rd or 4th time of them asking the same question, don't look up but just raise your middle finger in their face.
It may sound fairly immature but it would be very funny. :-D
"So, why do you want to work here....?"
*silence*
"Hello. Are you going to answer?"
*silence*
"Look, I have several more interviews today about this same job."
*silence*
"Alright, that's........"
*slowly raises middle middle finger*
----------
Okay so it didn't really go like that and I didn't even have an interview, but in at least one interview I would love to do that. Same as being a teacher. I would love to be a teacher for one moment. Pick someone in a class that you don't like. Pick on them constantly. When they keep asking a question, blatently ignore them. Then, after the 3rd or 4th time of them asking the same question, don't look up but just raise your middle finger in their face.
It may sound fairly immature but it would be very funny. :-D
Any reason why you called the interviewer Brad, Goatboy?
As soon as I read the name I saw the guy in American Beauty, that interviews Lester about his job, he too was a Brad, no?
The interview in that film says the things your character wants to say.
As soon as I read the name I saw the guy in American Beauty, that interviews Lester about his job, he too was a Brad, no?
The interview in that film says the things your character wants to say.
It was the name of a smarmy toad that used to be my boss when I was about 17.
I had a practice interview for my work experience at an accounting firm and i was given a list of all the questions that the interviewer was likely to ask, and i was supposed to prepare answers to them. Are all interviews just pretenders doing something they'd rather not? Probably. (that's so depressing). I think everywhere there are people pretending to be someone or something else to escape from reality. Perhaps we should aim to be more honest in our communications. You never said what your ambition was as a child, why you gave it up, or why you don't try something else instead!
If you don't try, you will go through life, and only regret everything you ever did. If you forget your regrets you can concentrate on having fun in life, rather than using false pretences to forget your sorrow. Find a job you like, and want to do. Those who never try, don't succeed. Opportunity does knock on occasion, but you usually have to make your own opportunities. A dream job won't suddenly appear in front of you and hire you instantly! Until then, have some fun. Have interviews for jobs you are not interested in and be honest this time.
"Why do you want to work with us?"
"I don't, i'm just using this as a practice interview. I'm going to be completely honest in all my answers and see what happens."
Wouldn't it be cool if that happened? Hehe.
What i just wrote was probably in a bad order, but if you read it carefully you will find a meaning of some sort.
If you don't try, you will go through life, and only regret everything you ever did. If you forget your regrets you can concentrate on having fun in life, rather than using false pretences to forget your sorrow. Find a job you like, and want to do. Those who never try, don't succeed. Opportunity does knock on occasion, but you usually have to make your own opportunities. A dream job won't suddenly appear in front of you and hire you instantly! Until then, have some fun. Have interviews for jobs you are not interested in and be honest this time.
"Why do you want to work with us?"
"I don't, i'm just using this as a practice interview. I'm going to be completely honest in all my answers and see what happens."
Wouldn't it be cool if that happened? Hehe.
What i just wrote was probably in a bad order, but if you read it carefully you will find a meaning of some sort.
Brad just reminded me of Pulp Fiction.
Although I can never work out if it's Brett or Brad. Certain times when Jackson says it, it sounds like Brett, other times it sounds like Brad. But I'm pretty sure it's Brad.
Although I can never work out if it's Brett or Brad. Certain times when Jackson says it, it sounds like Brett, other times it sounds like Brad. But I'm pretty sure it's Brad.