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....Not really, read this.
'Bout a monkey
It was a still night in the jungle, all the animals were sleeping (except the nocturnal ones, obviously). And a fat mummy monkey gave birth to a cute little baby monkey, so all but 2 of the animals were sleeping. But little did she know, her baby was to be the most useful ape on the planet.
The story has a sad beginning, as mother and child are discovered by monkey-hunters, hunting monkeys, and thrown into separate cages.
In the nearest village the monkey-hunters sell of the 2 animals for “£100, no £200 –– £250, £300, £450, £600, going once, going twice, SOLD! To the black-market trader in the ivory hat, I’m sure you’ll give them a good home”.
But he didn’t.
No-one realised, but the man that bought the monkeys was actually a black-market trader.
Erm.... wait!.....I....er..... ....hmmm........whatever.
So the nasty man took both the cages to his home and sat them on the floor in a lonely room. Then he ran back to the auction to collect the forgotten monkeys, and put them back into the cages.
A few days later the little baby monkey was bought again (I’ll not say about his mother, except she was in 7 different countries by then) and he was taken back into the deep jungle to live with a tribe as a pet.
This tribe, however, had choose not to evolve like the rest of us ( you can do that, y’know) and were stuck somewhere in between primate and human. But, they still kept the little monkey as a pet (even though he was probably cleverer than them) and he hung in a cage, suspended above the chiefs house.
But one day, when all the tribe-kids were going to school (y’see how primitive they are) a particularly stupid one pointed up at the cage and said (stupidly)
“Why ain’t that kid coming to school?”
None of the other children knew why he shouldn’t go to school (being only slightly less stupid then the first) so they all took him down from the cage and walked with him to their school hut.
Now, in order to progress, I’ll need to skip a few years of baby monkey’s life.
ZZZZzz...pppssssssiiitttttt... . nnnnnammmmmmiiiioooooo... zzzzzzpppppttttt... .mmmmzmzmzmmz.. . ..eeeeeiop..zzzzpppttt.
There.
Now our monkey was able to read, write and wear cute little knitted jumpers without a problem. (He could also smash windows and get drunk on a mixture of natural herbs and urine, but that’s the education dept. for you).
In fact Nagnat (for that is his name) became the smartest... erm.... thing.. in the tribe (which now had running water and a bank). So he decided to run away and make his fortune somewhere that also had public loos, being very hygienic as well.
And off he went on a magnificent journey, eventually ending up in England (poor sod).
He worked in mines, and shops, at building sites and computers and in a large number warehouses. He worked every job possible, and soon enough he was know all across the country (except Birmingham) and had been alive for over 400 years. You see, he was a very magical monkey indeed.
And all of a sudden he became a national celebrity and was drafted on to a chat-show, hosted by some old bloke with short trousers who never lets any of his guests go.
After he had told his life story (the show had now over-run by 3 days) and showed everyone the Compleate Works Of Shakespear (which he had wrote) he was asked what he would like to do next.
“Hmmmmm,” he said, “Hmmmmm. I’d like to sit down.”
The next day Nagnat had a knock at his door. A big man called Tony stood in the doorway, smiling. “I think I’ve got your perfect job” he said.
So Tony took our well-travelled monkey to the SR headquarters (Did ya guess?) and gave him a tour of the building.
And what a strange building it was too.
There was big sections of the place for all the big computer formats, where wars frequently broke out and X-box cried a lot.
There was an ever-expanding section for cheats where new, pointless sites were being made just to look nice (ukhints, ukwalkthroughs and now, uknotquitecheatshintsorcodes).
There was a small section for reviews, where they were stacked high to the ceiling and continued growing. Most were forgotten
There was the GAD dept. where strange men sifted through tones of material, then choose the worst one and gave the writer a present. And told on naughty people that stole ideas from other building, those people were thrown out the top window.
And, in the lower depths of the building, (where Nagnat was told not to go, but ventured anyway) there were thousands of white, padded rooms filled with small groups of people, and lots of people running between groups.
Everyone was discussing everything
There were some people standing all on their own and some crowded with people. Some people got shouted at, others beaten up. Some people got laughed at and others worshipped.
There was a giant room, filled with Spam.
There were strange gatherings of red-robed people.
And unfriendly groups of puple-robed people.
It was very strange.
But in the biggest room was the strangest thing of all. A small group of people, lounging around in sickly greeny-gold robes. They all carried a big red button and would occasionally press it, laughing evilly.
Everyone praised their names when they entered a room, they lived like gods.
Nagnat’s place was situated at the top of the top of the building in a small, plain room. He sat there (In a very comfy chair, with a fridge in the arm, and a phone, which reclines. And vibrates....) all day getting news and gossip from everywhere possible. Then telling the world.
He is called the News Monkey, and he foretells the future.
By me,
FFF
'Bout a monkey
It was a still night in the jungle, all the animals were sleeping (except the nocturnal ones, obviously). And a fat mummy monkey gave birth to a cute little baby monkey, so all but 2 of the animals were sleeping. But little did she know, her baby was to be the most useful ape on the planet.
The story has a sad beginning, as mother and child are discovered by monkey-hunters, hunting monkeys, and thrown into separate cages.
In the nearest village the monkey-hunters sell of the 2 animals for “£100, no £200 –– £250, £300, £450, £600, going once, going twice, SOLD! To the black-market trader in the ivory hat, I’m sure you’ll give them a good home”.
But he didn’t.
No-one realised, but the man that bought the monkeys was actually a black-market trader.
Erm.... wait!.....I....er..... ....hmmm........whatever.
So the nasty man took both the cages to his home and sat them on the floor in a lonely room. Then he ran back to the auction to collect the forgotten monkeys, and put them back into the cages.
A few days later the little baby monkey was bought again (I’ll not say about his mother, except she was in 7 different countries by then) and he was taken back into the deep jungle to live with a tribe as a pet.
This tribe, however, had choose not to evolve like the rest of us ( you can do that, y’know) and were stuck somewhere in between primate and human. But, they still kept the little monkey as a pet (even though he was probably cleverer than them) and he hung in a cage, suspended above the chiefs house.
But one day, when all the tribe-kids were going to school (y’see how primitive they are) a particularly stupid one pointed up at the cage and said (stupidly)
“Why ain’t that kid coming to school?”
None of the other children knew why he shouldn’t go to school (being only slightly less stupid then the first) so they all took him down from the cage and walked with him to their school hut.
Now, in order to progress, I’ll need to skip a few years of baby monkey’s life.
ZZZZzz...pppssssssiiitttttt... . nnnnnammmmmmiiiioooooo... zzzzzzpppppttttt... .mmmmzmzmzmmz.. . ..eeeeeiop..zzzzpppttt.
There.
Now our monkey was able to read, write and wear cute little knitted jumpers without a problem. (He could also smash windows and get drunk on a mixture of natural herbs and urine, but that’s the education dept. for you).
In fact Nagnat (for that is his name) became the smartest... erm.... thing.. in the tribe (which now had running water and a bank). So he decided to run away and make his fortune somewhere that also had public loos, being very hygienic as well.
And off he went on a magnificent journey, eventually ending up in England (poor sod).
He worked in mines, and shops, at building sites and computers and in a large number warehouses. He worked every job possible, and soon enough he was know all across the country (except Birmingham) and had been alive for over 400 years. You see, he was a very magical monkey indeed.
And all of a sudden he became a national celebrity and was drafted on to a chat-show, hosted by some old bloke with short trousers who never lets any of his guests go.
After he had told his life story (the show had now over-run by 3 days) and showed everyone the Compleate Works Of Shakespear (which he had wrote) he was asked what he would like to do next.
“Hmmmmm,” he said, “Hmmmmm. I’d like to sit down.”
The next day Nagnat had a knock at his door. A big man called Tony stood in the doorway, smiling. “I think I’ve got your perfect job” he said.
So Tony took our well-travelled monkey to the SR headquarters (Did ya guess?) and gave him a tour of the building.
And what a strange building it was too.
There was big sections of the place for all the big computer formats, where wars frequently broke out and X-box cried a lot.
There was an ever-expanding section for cheats where new, pointless sites were being made just to look nice (ukhints, ukwalkthroughs and now, uknotquitecheatshintsorcodes).
There was a small section for reviews, where they were stacked high to the ceiling and continued growing. Most were forgotten
There was the GAD dept. where strange men sifted through tones of material, then choose the worst one and gave the writer a present. And told on naughty people that stole ideas from other building, those people were thrown out the top window.
And, in the lower depths of the building, (where Nagnat was told not to go, but ventured anyway) there were thousands of white, padded rooms filled with small groups of people, and lots of people running between groups.
Everyone was discussing everything
There were some people standing all on their own and some crowded with people. Some people got shouted at, others beaten up. Some people got laughed at and others worshipped.
There was a giant room, filled with Spam.
There were strange gatherings of red-robed people.
And unfriendly groups of puple-robed people.
It was very strange.
But in the biggest room was the strangest thing of all. A small group of people, lounging around in sickly greeny-gold robes. They all carried a big red button and would occasionally press it, laughing evilly.
Everyone praised their names when they entered a room, they lived like gods.
Nagnat’s place was situated at the top of the top of the building in a small, plain room. He sat there (In a very comfy chair, with a fridge in the arm, and a phone, which reclines. And vibrates....) all day getting news and gossip from everywhere possible. Then telling the world.
He is called the News Monkey, and he foretells the future.
By me,
FFF
POP-dilly doo-dilly
great post its exellent what happend to toni :D
Damn you all to heaven.
What happned to Tony anyway?
What happned to Tony anyway?
....Not really, read this.
'Bout a monkey
It was a still night in the jungle, all the animals were sleeping (except the nocturnal ones, obviously). And a fat mummy monkey gave birth to a cute little baby monkey, so all but 2 of the animals were sleeping. But little did she know, her baby was to be the most useful ape on the planet.
The story has a sad beginning, as mother and child are discovered by monkey-hunters, hunting monkeys, and thrown into separate cages.
In the nearest village the monkey-hunters sell of the 2 animals for “£100, no £200 –– £250, £300, £450, £600, going once, going twice, SOLD! To the black-market trader in the ivory hat, I’m sure you’ll give them a good home”.
But he didn’t.
No-one realised, but the man that bought the monkeys was actually a black-market trader.
Erm.... wait!.....I....er..... ....hmmm........whatever.
So the nasty man took both the cages to his home and sat them on the floor in a lonely room. Then he ran back to the auction to collect the forgotten monkeys, and put them back into the cages.
A few days later the little baby monkey was bought again (I’ll not say about his mother, except she was in 7 different countries by then) and he was taken back into the deep jungle to live with a tribe as a pet.
This tribe, however, had choose not to evolve like the rest of us ( you can do that, y’know) and were stuck somewhere in between primate and human. But, they still kept the little monkey as a pet (even though he was probably cleverer than them) and he hung in a cage, suspended above the chiefs house.
But one day, when all the tribe-kids were going to school (y’see how primitive they are) a particularly stupid one pointed up at the cage and said (stupidly)
“Why ain’t that kid coming to school?”
None of the other children knew why he shouldn’t go to school (being only slightly less stupid then the first) so they all took him down from the cage and walked with him to their school hut.
Now, in order to progress, I’ll need to skip a few years of baby monkey’s life.
ZZZZzz...pppssssssiiitttttt... . nnnnnammmmmmiiiioooooo... zzzzzzpppppttttt... .mmmmzmzmzmmz.. . ..eeeeeiop..zzzzpppttt.
There.
Now our monkey was able to read, write and wear cute little knitted jumpers without a problem. (He could also smash windows and get drunk on a mixture of natural herbs and urine, but that’s the education dept. for you).
In fact Nagnat (for that is his name) became the smartest... erm.... thing.. in the tribe (which now had running water and a bank). So he decided to run away and make his fortune somewhere that also had public loos, being very hygienic as well.
And off he went on a magnificent journey, eventually ending up in England (poor sod).
He worked in mines, and shops, at building sites and computers and in a large number warehouses. He worked every job possible, and soon enough he was know all across the country (except Birmingham) and had been alive for over 400 years. You see, he was a very magical monkey indeed.
And all of a sudden he became a national celebrity and was drafted on to a chat-show, hosted by some old bloke with short trousers who never lets any of his guests go.
After he had told his life story (the show had now over-run by 3 days) and showed everyone the Compleate Works Of Shakespear (which he had wrote) he was asked what he would like to do next.
“Hmmmmm,” he said, “Hmmmmm. I’d like to sit down.”
The next day Nagnat had a knock at his door. A big man called Tony stood in the doorway, smiling. “I think I’ve got your perfect job” he said.
So Tony took our well-travelled monkey to the SR headquarters (Did ya guess?) and gave him a tour of the building.
And what a strange building it was too.
There was big sections of the place for all the big computer formats, where wars frequently broke out and X-box cried a lot.
There was an ever-expanding section for cheats where new, pointless sites were being made just to look nice (ukhints, ukwalkthroughs and now, uknotquitecheatshintsorcodes).
There was a small section for reviews, where they were stacked high to the ceiling and continued growing. Most were forgotten
There was the GAD dept. where strange men sifted through tones of material, then choose the worst one and gave the writer a present. And told on naughty people that stole ideas from other building, those people were thrown out the top window.
And, in the lower depths of the building, (where Nagnat was told not to go, but ventured anyway) there were thousands of white, padded rooms filled with small groups of people, and lots of people running between groups.
Everyone was discussing everything
There were some people standing all on their own and some crowded with people. Some people got shouted at, others beaten up. Some people got laughed at and others worshipped.
There was a giant room, filled with Spam.
There were strange gatherings of red-robed people.
And unfriendly groups of puple-robed people.
It was very strange.
But in the biggest room was the strangest thing of all. A small group of people, lounging around in sickly greeny-gold robes. They all carried a big red button and would occasionally press it, laughing evilly.
Everyone praised their names when they entered a room, they lived like gods.
Nagnat’s place was situated at the top of the top of the building in a small, plain room. He sat there (In a very comfy chair, with a fridge in the arm, and a phone, which reclines. And vibrates....) all day getting news and gossip from everywhere possible. Then telling the world.
He is called the News Monkey, and he foretells the future.
By me,
FFF
'Bout a monkey
It was a still night in the jungle, all the animals were sleeping (except the nocturnal ones, obviously). And a fat mummy monkey gave birth to a cute little baby monkey, so all but 2 of the animals were sleeping. But little did she know, her baby was to be the most useful ape on the planet.
The story has a sad beginning, as mother and child are discovered by monkey-hunters, hunting monkeys, and thrown into separate cages.
In the nearest village the monkey-hunters sell of the 2 animals for “£100, no £200 –– £250, £300, £450, £600, going once, going twice, SOLD! To the black-market trader in the ivory hat, I’m sure you’ll give them a good home”.
But he didn’t.
No-one realised, but the man that bought the monkeys was actually a black-market trader.
Erm.... wait!.....I....er..... ....hmmm........whatever.
So the nasty man took both the cages to his home and sat them on the floor in a lonely room. Then he ran back to the auction to collect the forgotten monkeys, and put them back into the cages.
A few days later the little baby monkey was bought again (I’ll not say about his mother, except she was in 7 different countries by then) and he was taken back into the deep jungle to live with a tribe as a pet.
This tribe, however, had choose not to evolve like the rest of us ( you can do that, y’know) and were stuck somewhere in between primate and human. But, they still kept the little monkey as a pet (even though he was probably cleverer than them) and he hung in a cage, suspended above the chiefs house.
But one day, when all the tribe-kids were going to school (y’see how primitive they are) a particularly stupid one pointed up at the cage and said (stupidly)
“Why ain’t that kid coming to school?”
None of the other children knew why he shouldn’t go to school (being only slightly less stupid then the first) so they all took him down from the cage and walked with him to their school hut.
Now, in order to progress, I’ll need to skip a few years of baby monkey’s life.
ZZZZzz...pppssssssiiitttttt... . nnnnnammmmmmiiiioooooo... zzzzzzpppppttttt... .mmmmzmzmzmmz.. . ..eeeeeiop..zzzzpppttt.
There.
Now our monkey was able to read, write and wear cute little knitted jumpers without a problem. (He could also smash windows and get drunk on a mixture of natural herbs and urine, but that’s the education dept. for you).
In fact Nagnat (for that is his name) became the smartest... erm.... thing.. in the tribe (which now had running water and a bank). So he decided to run away and make his fortune somewhere that also had public loos, being very hygienic as well.
And off he went on a magnificent journey, eventually ending up in England (poor sod).
He worked in mines, and shops, at building sites and computers and in a large number warehouses. He worked every job possible, and soon enough he was know all across the country (except Birmingham) and had been alive for over 400 years. You see, he was a very magical monkey indeed.
And all of a sudden he became a national celebrity and was drafted on to a chat-show, hosted by some old bloke with short trousers who never lets any of his guests go.
After he had told his life story (the show had now over-run by 3 days) and showed everyone the Compleate Works Of Shakespear (which he had wrote) he was asked what he would like to do next.
“Hmmmmm,” he said, “Hmmmmm. I’d like to sit down.”
The next day Nagnat had a knock at his door. A big man called Tony stood in the doorway, smiling. “I think I’ve got your perfect job” he said.
So Tony took our well-travelled monkey to the SR headquarters (Did ya guess?) and gave him a tour of the building.
And what a strange building it was too.
There was big sections of the place for all the big computer formats, where wars frequently broke out and X-box cried a lot.
There was an ever-expanding section for cheats where new, pointless sites were being made just to look nice (ukhints, ukwalkthroughs and now, uknotquitecheatshintsorcodes).
There was a small section for reviews, where they were stacked high to the ceiling and continued growing. Most were forgotten
There was the GAD dept. where strange men sifted through tones of material, then choose the worst one and gave the writer a present. And told on naughty people that stole ideas from other building, those people were thrown out the top window.
And, in the lower depths of the building, (where Nagnat was told not to go, but ventured anyway) there were thousands of white, padded rooms filled with small groups of people, and lots of people running between groups.
Everyone was discussing everything
There were some people standing all on their own and some crowded with people. Some people got shouted at, others beaten up. Some people got laughed at and others worshipped.
There was a giant room, filled with Spam.
There were strange gatherings of red-robed people.
And unfriendly groups of puple-robed people.
It was very strange.
But in the biggest room was the strangest thing of all. A small group of people, lounging around in sickly greeny-gold robes. They all carried a big red button and would occasionally press it, laughing evilly.
Everyone praised their names when they entered a room, they lived like gods.
Nagnat’s place was situated at the top of the top of the building in a small, plain room. He sat there (In a very comfy chair, with a fridge in the arm, and a phone, which reclines. And vibrates....) all day getting news and gossip from everywhere possible. Then telling the world.
He is called the News Monkey, and he foretells the future.
By me,
FFF