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Lakitu: “Hello and welcome to the first annual Great Nintendo Race! On this fine summers day we are going to have a race to see which Nintendo characters game will have the most impact on the Gamecube’s success, each racer will be required to run a distance of 400 meters for this UK promotional.. err.. whoops! Did I say promotional? Well I of course meant a battle to see which Nintendo character will have the most Gamecube influence, we don’t advertise in the UK, were far too good for that obviously. Good luck everyone!
Toad: “Enough with the pleasantries already”
Lakitu: “Wha....”
Lakitu: “With us today we have the mysterious character know as Master Chief from (*said very quickly and quietly) - X Box’s Halo, providing guest commentary for this great event!
Toad: “Are we going to start today?”
Lakitu: “Aren’t you supposed to be all happy and useful?”
Toad: “I’m an actor, I’m not really Toad, I’m just a guy in a costume like all the others here I’m not really jolly and nice, I play a talking mushroom what have I to be happy about?”
Lakitu: “So anyway let’s meet the racers”
*Lakitu flies from the commentary box and flies down to the racers
Toad: “Ha, ha look at those strings!"
*Points
*Toad lamps up
Lakitu individually assess each one with Toad and Master Chief providing the statistics from back up in the commentary booth high above the race track.
First up is everyone’s favourite Nintendo character and Star of his own game on Gamecubes own, Mario Sunshine!
Mario: “It’s a me, Mario.”
Toad: “Quite.”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “What?”
Master Chief: “What?”
Toad: “Mario has been warned before hand and has been extensively examined for uses of illegal substances, he is well known in the so called “mushroom kingdom” for taking these substances, he has claimed they have no effect but he does claim to grown bigger and can jump extremely high, also claims of walking on clouds and sightings of flying tortoises were made, Mario has however been cleared for today’s race.”
Next up is Marios partner in crime, Luigi! Star of his second ever game, Luigis Mansion! (Available in stores soon.)
Luigi: “Pasta!”
Toad: “Excuse me?”
Luigi: “I like pasta”
Toad: “We know you do Luigi”
*Looks over at Master Chief and whispers
“Talk about Italian stereotyping eh, ha ha”
Master Chief Just stares back at Toad who makes no further comments
Next up is none other than a Pikmin! A nice yellow one to be exact.
Toad: “Now I know these things don’t talk but.....”
Lakitu: “How do you know that?”
Toad: “Well I don’t”
Lakitu: “Do you think they do?”
Toad: “Dunno........., hey Pikmin do you talk? What do you think of today’s race?”
Pikmin: “Met’t vous pense le relâchement du Gamecube immédiatement avant Eté et après les deux il’et Sony et mauvais idée?
Lakitu: “........!”
Toad: “.....Err nope didn’t understand none of that, ahem. Moving on”
Master Chief: “That was French”
Toad: “Who’s next Lakitu?”
“Ahh it’s Yoshi!”
Master Chief: “That Pikmin was on about the Gamecube”
Toad: “Hang on a minute Yoshi? He doesn’t have a Gamecube game that I know about and what’s he doing with baby Mario on his back, is this a subliminal message from Nintendo?”
*Toad’s uses his eyebrows to suggest maybe so by raising and lowering them qucikly in succession
Mario’s Moustache begins twitcing fearsomely and everyone decides to let Yoshi and Baby Mario compete.
*Toad is seen holding his ear piece as seems to be apparently recieving instructions from the head of todays race.
Toad: “Ladies and Gentlemen Yoshi and baby Mario”
It was later noticed by one of the crowd that Toad wasn’t wearing any headgear whatsoever.
Next up is Sonic the hedgehog, the famous Sonic music hits from and the legendary electronic voice saying SEGAAA plays.
Laughing can be heard from the commentary booth
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad “...........”
“So Sonic, realised that your company couldn’t handle the Nintendo onslaught eh? Thought you would jump ship eh and throw away all those wasted years battling with Mario? Ha, ha, ha”
*Toad plays the SEGAAA bit again
Lakitu: “Ha, ha, yeah, didn’t you realise that running around loops at crazy speeds in snazzy shoes and beating cool bosses gets you nowhere? Ha! Being a fat plumber with a moustache and beating enemies with names such as Big Bomb are the way to go in this day and age”
Master Chief: “Ha, ha, ha!”
SEGAAA
*Sonic doesn’t look pleased
Lakitu: “Ha, ha plug me into a Sega”
Toad: “Ha, ha, yeah that was a hoot and a holler”
“Onto our next competitor and it’s none other than Princess Peach!”
Toad: “Hang on she doesn’t have a game either, this isn’t a free for all charity run, it’s a wonder she hasn’t been kidnapped yet anyway”
Princess Peach: “Oh that’s original”
*Toad bows head and a sad look creeps over his face
*Lakitu moves over to Luke Skywalker who features in the game Rogue Leader
Toad: “Hi Luke wh.....oh I’ve had enough of this lets just get on with it, ladies and gentlemen this is Luke Skywelkar.
Luke: “It’s Skywalker actually”
Toad: “Whatever, and the last competitor Fox McCloud! Right then.”
Lakitu: “Hey I didn’t get to go through my repertoire of Fox jokes”
*Toad bites his fist
*Lakitu flies back up into the commentary booth
Toad: “Right I’ll be kicking off this race, the rules are..THERE ARE NO RULES, ha ha!”
Lakitu: “Oh dear that was so bad.”
Toad: “You can use any means necessary to win as long as what you do is something your character would do in a Nintendo game.
Lakitu: “That’s not fair on the bad guys, they always loose”
Toad: “Everybody ready? No? Right then”
Link: “Wait!”
Toad: “Oh what now!?”
Lakitu: “Oh hey look it’s Link, looks like he’s been delayed again”
*Lots of laughter from everyone in the crowd
Toad: “Right forget him were starting this..”
“Ready”
“Steady”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “Can he do that?”
Lakitu: “GO!”
Toad: “Hey!”
Lakitu: “The race starts, Princess Peach false starts but no one seems to be the one to say anything, early on Mario is struggling, looks like he’s eaten one too many Pork Pies.”
Toad: “Mario doesn’t eat pork pies”
Lakitu: “What does he eat then?”
Toad: “Pasta I think and mushrooms. Raw ones”
Lakitu: “Is that healthy?”
Toad: “Can’t be look at him go, COME ON FATSO! I’ve got £10 on you! He’s all hype him. Go eat some more pork grinds you fat f...”
Master Chief: “You really aren’t very nice in real life are you”
Lakitu: “Hang on, so that’s ALL he eats then? Although saying that I know he weight lifts.”
Toad: “Does he really?”
Lakitu: “Well he doesn’t lift weights as such but he uses a good substitute, turnips, onions and other assorted vegetables. Oh yeah and shells”
Toad: “Shells?”
Master Chief: “Ahem, and the race?”
Lakitu: “Oh yes of course, oh look Luigi is on the floor! Wonder what happened there? All I see is Luigi and some conveniently placed Banana skins in his track.”
Toad: “Bananas? Hmmmm but Donkey Kong isn’t in this, is he”
Lakitu: “Nope but he seems a little ticked off for not being, look him and his whole family are in the crowd!”
Master Chief: “Woah! Look at the size of that family, those Kong’s made good use of the Karma Sutra didn’t they!”
Lakitu: “Back to the race, Luigi is up but he’s too far behind to make any impact now”
Toad: “It’s not as if his game is groundbreaking anyway, we’ve all seen ghostbusters before havn’t we?”
Master Chief: “Obviously not Shigsy”
Lakitu: “Oh look Luigi is still in front of Mario despite being ‘delayed’ so, Link and Fox are in the lead now with Peach, Yoshi and Luke Skywalker just behind but what’s this? Luke has pulled out a baton of some kind! Why are the crowd cheering that’s not going to be of any use. Oh wait! It’s projected some sort of light and he’s swinging it at Peach!
Toad: “Did you say he was swinging his baton at Peach? Heh, I bet he is.”
Lakitu: “No not like that, oh nevermind! Yoshi uses his extensive tongue to snatch the baton from Luke and then uses it against Luke knocking him down! Oh look it’s the Pikmin, I forgot about him, he’s catching up nicely and WOAH! He snatched Fox’s just as he drew it, my he’s fast!”
Toad: “Being quick isn’t always a good thing you know”
Lakitu: “That Pikmin has the gun now I wonder how he will implement it in this race? Surely he has no fingers and thumbs to operate it? Oh hey look Sonic who was obviously winning seems to have stopped for a breather.”
Toad: “It’s the hare and the tortoise all over again”
Lakitu: “Wait a minute! What’s he doing with that gun, oh my g....
*Temporary broadcasting problems have been encountered we will get you back to the race as soon as possible
Toad: “ERGH! I do not want to see that ever again!”
*Lakitu is still in shock
*Toad shakes him
Toad: “Hey snap out of it, I’m not doing this on my own, I don’t have to, this is a breach of contract, wake up!
*Bowser and minions come down and spoil the race.
Toad: “Oh for gaud’s sake!”
Fire is breathed, chaos reigns, the princess is kidnapped and Mario is not best pleased.
Toad: “All in all a nice day then Ladies”
Lakitu: “S s sure”
Toad: “Ah well, it doesn’t matter anyway Shigeru says it’s going to be the soon released Smash Brothers that wins it all”
*Link turns up at the finishing line exhausted from trying to catch up all race and falls flat on his face
YAY!
Lakitu: “Oh look that’s made everyone happy, good old Shigeru knows what he’s doing doesn’t he.”
Toad: “Sonic and that Pikmin don’t look too happy”
*Pikachu in the crowd however looks pretty pleased with himself
*Sonic is strechered off
As is Mario
Everyone leaves none the wiser.
Toad: “Is that the end then?”
Lakitu: “Yeah let’s go home”
*Toad and Lakitu leave the recording studio and walk home, hand in hand.
Thanks for reading
Starlight
Mario: "See you next time"
Toad: “Enough with the pleasantries already”
Lakitu: “Wha....”
Lakitu: “With us today we have the mysterious character know as Master Chief from (*said very quickly and quietly) - X Box’s Halo, providing guest commentary for this great event!
Toad: “Are we going to start today?”
Lakitu: “Aren’t you supposed to be all happy and useful?”
Toad: “I’m an actor, I’m not really Toad, I’m just a guy in a costume like all the others here I’m not really jolly and nice, I play a talking mushroom what have I to be happy about?”
Lakitu: “So anyway let’s meet the racers”
*Lakitu flies from the commentary box and flies down to the racers
Toad: “Ha, ha look at those strings!"
*Points
*Toad lamps up
Lakitu individually assess each one with Toad and Master Chief providing the statistics from back up in the commentary booth high above the race track.
First up is everyone’s favourite Nintendo character and Star of his own game on Gamecubes own, Mario Sunshine!
Mario: “It’s a me, Mario.”
Toad: “Quite.”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “What?”
Master Chief: “What?”
Toad: “Mario has been warned before hand and has been extensively examined for uses of illegal substances, he is well known in the so called “mushroom kingdom” for taking these substances, he has claimed they have no effect but he does claim to grown bigger and can jump extremely high, also claims of walking on clouds and sightings of flying tortoises were made, Mario has however been cleared for today’s race.”
Next up is Marios partner in crime, Luigi! Star of his second ever game, Luigis Mansion! (Available in stores soon.)
Luigi: “Pasta!”
Toad: “Excuse me?”
Luigi: “I like pasta”
Toad: “We know you do Luigi”
*Looks over at Master Chief and whispers
“Talk about Italian stereotyping eh, ha ha”
Master Chief Just stares back at Toad who makes no further comments
Next up is none other than a Pikmin! A nice yellow one to be exact.
Toad: “Now I know these things don’t talk but.....”
Lakitu: “How do you know that?”
Toad: “Well I don’t”
Lakitu: “Do you think they do?”
Toad: “Dunno........., hey Pikmin do you talk? What do you think of today’s race?”
Pikmin: “Met’t vous pense le relâchement du Gamecube immédiatement avant Eté et après les deux il’et Sony et mauvais idée?
Lakitu: “........!”
Toad: “.....Err nope didn’t understand none of that, ahem. Moving on”
Master Chief: “That was French”
Toad: “Who’s next Lakitu?”
“Ahh it’s Yoshi!”
Master Chief: “That Pikmin was on about the Gamecube”
Toad: “Hang on a minute Yoshi? He doesn’t have a Gamecube game that I know about and what’s he doing with baby Mario on his back, is this a subliminal message from Nintendo?”
*Toad’s uses his eyebrows to suggest maybe so by raising and lowering them qucikly in succession
Mario’s Moustache begins twitcing fearsomely and everyone decides to let Yoshi and Baby Mario compete.
*Toad is seen holding his ear piece as seems to be apparently recieving instructions from the head of todays race.
Toad: “Ladies and Gentlemen Yoshi and baby Mario”
It was later noticed by one of the crowd that Toad wasn’t wearing any headgear whatsoever.
Next up is Sonic the hedgehog, the famous Sonic music hits from and the legendary electronic voice saying SEGAAA plays.
Laughing can be heard from the commentary booth
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad “...........”
“So Sonic, realised that your company couldn’t handle the Nintendo onslaught eh? Thought you would jump ship eh and throw away all those wasted years battling with Mario? Ha, ha, ha”
*Toad plays the SEGAAA bit again
Lakitu: “Ha, ha, yeah, didn’t you realise that running around loops at crazy speeds in snazzy shoes and beating cool bosses gets you nowhere? Ha! Being a fat plumber with a moustache and beating enemies with names such as Big Bomb are the way to go in this day and age”
Master Chief: “Ha, ha, ha!”
SEGAAA
*Sonic doesn’t look pleased
Lakitu: “Ha, ha plug me into a Sega”
Toad: “Ha, ha, yeah that was a hoot and a holler”
“Onto our next competitor and it’s none other than Princess Peach!”
Toad: “Hang on she doesn’t have a game either, this isn’t a free for all charity run, it’s a wonder she hasn’t been kidnapped yet anyway”
Princess Peach: “Oh that’s original”
*Toad bows head and a sad look creeps over his face
*Lakitu moves over to Luke Skywalker who features in the game Rogue Leader
Toad: “Hi Luke wh.....oh I’ve had enough of this lets just get on with it, ladies and gentlemen this is Luke Skywelkar.
Luke: “It’s Skywalker actually”
Toad: “Whatever, and the last competitor Fox McCloud! Right then.”
Lakitu: “Hey I didn’t get to go through my repertoire of Fox jokes”
*Toad bites his fist
*Lakitu flies back up into the commentary booth
Toad: “Right I’ll be kicking off this race, the rules are..THERE ARE NO RULES, ha ha!”
Lakitu: “Oh dear that was so bad.”
Toad: “You can use any means necessary to win as long as what you do is something your character would do in a Nintendo game.
Lakitu: “That’s not fair on the bad guys, they always loose”
Toad: “Everybody ready? No? Right then”
Link: “Wait!”
Toad: “Oh what now!?”
Lakitu: “Oh hey look it’s Link, looks like he’s been delayed again”
*Lots of laughter from everyone in the crowd
Toad: “Right forget him were starting this..”
“Ready”
“Steady”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “Can he do that?”
Lakitu: “GO!”
Toad: “Hey!”
Lakitu: “The race starts, Princess Peach false starts but no one seems to be the one to say anything, early on Mario is struggling, looks like he’s eaten one too many Pork Pies.”
Toad: “Mario doesn’t eat pork pies”
Lakitu: “What does he eat then?”
Toad: “Pasta I think and mushrooms. Raw ones”
Lakitu: “Is that healthy?”
Toad: “Can’t be look at him go, COME ON FATSO! I’ve got £10 on you! He’s all hype him. Go eat some more pork grinds you fat f...”
Master Chief: “You really aren’t very nice in real life are you”
Lakitu: “Hang on, so that’s ALL he eats then? Although saying that I know he weight lifts.”
Toad: “Does he really?”
Lakitu: “Well he doesn’t lift weights as such but he uses a good substitute, turnips, onions and other assorted vegetables. Oh yeah and shells”
Toad: “Shells?”
Master Chief: “Ahem, and the race?”
Lakitu: “Oh yes of course, oh look Luigi is on the floor! Wonder what happened there? All I see is Luigi and some conveniently placed Banana skins in his track.”
Toad: “Bananas? Hmmmm but Donkey Kong isn’t in this, is he”
Lakitu: “Nope but he seems a little ticked off for not being, look him and his whole family are in the crowd!”
Master Chief: “Woah! Look at the size of that family, those Kong’s made good use of the Karma Sutra didn’t they!”
Lakitu: “Back to the race, Luigi is up but he’s too far behind to make any impact now”
Toad: “It’s not as if his game is groundbreaking anyway, we’ve all seen ghostbusters before havn’t we?”
Master Chief: “Obviously not Shigsy”
Lakitu: “Oh look Luigi is still in front of Mario despite being ‘delayed’ so, Link and Fox are in the lead now with Peach, Yoshi and Luke Skywalker just behind but what’s this? Luke has pulled out a baton of some kind! Why are the crowd cheering that’s not going to be of any use. Oh wait! It’s projected some sort of light and he’s swinging it at Peach!
Toad: “Did you say he was swinging his baton at Peach? Heh, I bet he is.”
Lakitu: “No not like that, oh nevermind! Yoshi uses his extensive tongue to snatch the baton from Luke and then uses it against Luke knocking him down! Oh look it’s the Pikmin, I forgot about him, he’s catching up nicely and WOAH! He snatched Fox’s just as he drew it, my he’s fast!”
Toad: “Being quick isn’t always a good thing you know”
Lakitu: “That Pikmin has the gun now I wonder how he will implement it in this race? Surely he has no fingers and thumbs to operate it? Oh hey look Sonic who was obviously winning seems to have stopped for a breather.”
Toad: “It’s the hare and the tortoise all over again”
Lakitu: “Wait a minute! What’s he doing with that gun, oh my g....
*Temporary broadcasting problems have been encountered we will get you back to the race as soon as possible
Toad: “ERGH! I do not want to see that ever again!”
*Lakitu is still in shock
*Toad shakes him
Toad: “Hey snap out of it, I’m not doing this on my own, I don’t have to, this is a breach of contract, wake up!
*Bowser and minions come down and spoil the race.
Toad: “Oh for gaud’s sake!”
Fire is breathed, chaos reigns, the princess is kidnapped and Mario is not best pleased.
Toad: “All in all a nice day then Ladies”
Lakitu: “S s sure”
Toad: “Ah well, it doesn’t matter anyway Shigeru says it’s going to be the soon released Smash Brothers that wins it all”
*Link turns up at the finishing line exhausted from trying to catch up all race and falls flat on his face
YAY!
Lakitu: “Oh look that’s made everyone happy, good old Shigeru knows what he’s doing doesn’t he.”
Toad: “Sonic and that Pikmin don’t look too happy”
*Pikachu in the crowd however looks pretty pleased with himself
*Sonic is strechered off
As is Mario
Everyone leaves none the wiser.
Toad: “Is that the end then?”
Lakitu: “Yeah let’s go home”
*Toad and Lakitu leave the recording studio and walk home, hand in hand.
Thanks for reading
Starlight
Mario: "See you next time"
Oh and if you didn't like it shut up, do you want me to critisise everything you post?
It's just a bit of fun and was all inspired by Conkers Bad Fur Day, believe it or not.
It's just a bit of fun and was all inspired by Conkers Bad Fur Day, believe it or not.
I was drunk when I wrote most of that, unsuprisingly.
bah i read a bit then got bored. sorry no staying power on posts that dont interest me
Yo Pringle!
Have you read Fight for the Million yet?
What do you think of it so far?
Still not finished, though.
Have you read Fight for the Million yet?
What do you think of it so far?
Still not finished, though.
Im confused? * leaves post and opens up something simple*
um......... 10/10 for effort...
I actually enjoyed it
Starlight, would you read my spoof, Metal Gear Sainsburys, in the PS1 PS2 forum?
Starlight, would you read my spoof, Metal Gear Sainsburys, in the PS1 PS2 forum?
*complete silence*
*a tumbleweed blows past*
*a tumbleweed blows past*
It may look a little long but it's not, honest. It's mostly characters names for who is talking.
Just give it a whirl
:0)
Just give it a whirl
:0)
Lakitu: “Hello and welcome to the first annual Great Nintendo Race! On this fine summers day we are going to have a race to see which Nintendo characters game will have the most impact on the Gamecube’s success, each racer will be required to run a distance of 400 meters for this UK promotional.. err.. whoops! Did I say promotional? Well I of course meant a battle to see which Nintendo character will have the most Gamecube influence, we don’t advertise in the UK, were far too good for that obviously. Good luck everyone!
Toad: “Enough with the pleasantries already”
Lakitu: “Wha....”
Lakitu: “With us today we have the mysterious character know as Master Chief from (*said very quickly and quietly) - X Box’s Halo, providing guest commentary for this great event!
Toad: “Are we going to start today?”
Lakitu: “Aren’t you supposed to be all happy and useful?”
Toad: “I’m an actor, I’m not really Toad, I’m just a guy in a costume like all the others here I’m not really jolly and nice, I play a talking mushroom what have I to be happy about?”
Lakitu: “So anyway let’s meet the racers”
*Lakitu flies from the commentary box and flies down to the racers
Toad: “Ha, ha look at those strings!"
*Points
*Toad lamps up
Lakitu individually assess each one with Toad and Master Chief providing the statistics from back up in the commentary booth high above the race track.
First up is everyone’s favourite Nintendo character and Star of his own game on Gamecubes own, Mario Sunshine!
Mario: “It’s a me, Mario.”
Toad: “Quite.”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “What?”
Master Chief: “What?”
Toad: “Mario has been warned before hand and has been extensively examined for uses of illegal substances, he is well known in the so called “mushroom kingdom” for taking these substances, he has claimed they have no effect but he does claim to grown bigger and can jump extremely high, also claims of walking on clouds and sightings of flying tortoises were made, Mario has however been cleared for today’s race.”
Next up is Marios partner in crime, Luigi! Star of his second ever game, Luigis Mansion! (Available in stores soon.)
Luigi: “Pasta!”
Toad: “Excuse me?”
Luigi: “I like pasta”
Toad: “We know you do Luigi”
*Looks over at Master Chief and whispers
“Talk about Italian stereotyping eh, ha ha”
Master Chief Just stares back at Toad who makes no further comments
Next up is none other than a Pikmin! A nice yellow one to be exact.
Toad: “Now I know these things don’t talk but.....”
Lakitu: “How do you know that?”
Toad: “Well I don’t”
Lakitu: “Do you think they do?”
Toad: “Dunno........., hey Pikmin do you talk? What do you think of today’s race?”
Pikmin: “Met’t vous pense le relâchement du Gamecube immédiatement avant Eté et après les deux il’et Sony et mauvais idée?
Lakitu: “........!”
Toad: “.....Err nope didn’t understand none of that, ahem. Moving on”
Master Chief: “That was French”
Toad: “Who’s next Lakitu?”
“Ahh it’s Yoshi!”
Master Chief: “That Pikmin was on about the Gamecube”
Toad: “Hang on a minute Yoshi? He doesn’t have a Gamecube game that I know about and what’s he doing with baby Mario on his back, is this a subliminal message from Nintendo?”
*Toad’s uses his eyebrows to suggest maybe so by raising and lowering them qucikly in succession
Mario’s Moustache begins twitcing fearsomely and everyone decides to let Yoshi and Baby Mario compete.
*Toad is seen holding his ear piece as seems to be apparently recieving instructions from the head of todays race.
Toad: “Ladies and Gentlemen Yoshi and baby Mario”
It was later noticed by one of the crowd that Toad wasn’t wearing any headgear whatsoever.
Next up is Sonic the hedgehog, the famous Sonic music hits from and the legendary electronic voice saying SEGAAA plays.
Laughing can be heard from the commentary booth
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad “...........”
“So Sonic, realised that your company couldn’t handle the Nintendo onslaught eh? Thought you would jump ship eh and throw away all those wasted years battling with Mario? Ha, ha, ha”
*Toad plays the SEGAAA bit again
Lakitu: “Ha, ha, yeah, didn’t you realise that running around loops at crazy speeds in snazzy shoes and beating cool bosses gets you nowhere? Ha! Being a fat plumber with a moustache and beating enemies with names such as Big Bomb are the way to go in this day and age”
Master Chief: “Ha, ha, ha!”
SEGAAA
*Sonic doesn’t look pleased
Lakitu: “Ha, ha plug me into a Sega”
Toad: “Ha, ha, yeah that was a hoot and a holler”
“Onto our next competitor and it’s none other than Princess Peach!”
Toad: “Hang on she doesn’t have a game either, this isn’t a free for all charity run, it’s a wonder she hasn’t been kidnapped yet anyway”
Princess Peach: “Oh that’s original”
*Toad bows head and a sad look creeps over his face
*Lakitu moves over to Luke Skywalker who features in the game Rogue Leader
Toad: “Hi Luke wh.....oh I’ve had enough of this lets just get on with it, ladies and gentlemen this is Luke Skywelkar.
Luke: “It’s Skywalker actually”
Toad: “Whatever, and the last competitor Fox McCloud! Right then.”
Lakitu: “Hey I didn’t get to go through my repertoire of Fox jokes”
*Toad bites his fist
*Lakitu flies back up into the commentary booth
Toad: “Right I’ll be kicking off this race, the rules are..THERE ARE NO RULES, ha ha!”
Lakitu: “Oh dear that was so bad.”
Toad: “You can use any means necessary to win as long as what you do is something your character would do in a Nintendo game.
Lakitu: “That’s not fair on the bad guys, they always loose”
Toad: “Everybody ready? No? Right then”
Link: “Wait!”
Toad: “Oh what now!?”
Lakitu: “Oh hey look it’s Link, looks like he’s been delayed again”
*Lots of laughter from everyone in the crowd
Toad: “Right forget him were starting this..”
“Ready”
“Steady”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “Can he do that?”
Lakitu: “GO!”
Toad: “Hey!”
Lakitu: “The race starts, Princess Peach false starts but no one seems to be the one to say anything, early on Mario is struggling, looks like he’s eaten one too many Pork Pies.”
Toad: “Mario doesn’t eat pork pies”
Lakitu: “What does he eat then?”
Toad: “Pasta I think and mushrooms. Raw ones”
Lakitu: “Is that healthy?”
Toad: “Can’t be look at him go, COME ON FATSO! I’ve got £10 on you! He’s all hype him. Go eat some more pork grinds you fat f...”
Master Chief: “You really aren’t very nice in real life are you”
Lakitu: “Hang on, so that’s ALL he eats then? Although saying that I know he weight lifts.”
Toad: “Does he really?”
Lakitu: “Well he doesn’t lift weights as such but he uses a good substitute, turnips, onions and other assorted vegetables. Oh yeah and shells”
Toad: “Shells?”
Master Chief: “Ahem, and the race?”
Lakitu: “Oh yes of course, oh look Luigi is on the floor! Wonder what happened there? All I see is Luigi and some conveniently placed Banana skins in his track.”
Toad: “Bananas? Hmmmm but Donkey Kong isn’t in this, is he”
Lakitu: “Nope but he seems a little ticked off for not being, look him and his whole family are in the crowd!”
Master Chief: “Woah! Look at the size of that family, those Kong’s made good use of the Karma Sutra didn’t they!”
Lakitu: “Back to the race, Luigi is up but he’s too far behind to make any impact now”
Toad: “It’s not as if his game is groundbreaking anyway, we’ve all seen ghostbusters before havn’t we?”
Master Chief: “Obviously not Shigsy”
Lakitu: “Oh look Luigi is still in front of Mario despite being ‘delayed’ so, Link and Fox are in the lead now with Peach, Yoshi and Luke Skywalker just behind but what’s this? Luke has pulled out a baton of some kind! Why are the crowd cheering that’s not going to be of any use. Oh wait! It’s projected some sort of light and he’s swinging it at Peach!
Toad: “Did you say he was swinging his baton at Peach? Heh, I bet he is.”
Lakitu: “No not like that, oh nevermind! Yoshi uses his extensive tongue to snatch the baton from Luke and then uses it against Luke knocking him down! Oh look it’s the Pikmin, I forgot about him, he’s catching up nicely and WOAH! He snatched Fox’s just as he drew it, my he’s fast!”
Toad: “Being quick isn’t always a good thing you know”
Lakitu: “That Pikmin has the gun now I wonder how he will implement it in this race? Surely he has no fingers and thumbs to operate it? Oh hey look Sonic who was obviously winning seems to have stopped for a breather.”
Toad: “It’s the hare and the tortoise all over again”
Lakitu: “Wait a minute! What’s he doing with that gun, oh my g....
*Temporary broadcasting problems have been encountered we will get you back to the race as soon as possible
Toad: “ERGH! I do not want to see that ever again!”
*Lakitu is still in shock
*Toad shakes him
Toad: “Hey snap out of it, I’m not doing this on my own, I don’t have to, this is a breach of contract, wake up!
*Bowser and minions come down and spoil the race.
Toad: “Oh for gaud’s sake!”
Fire is breathed, chaos reigns, the princess is kidnapped and Mario is not best pleased.
Toad: “All in all a nice day then Ladies”
Lakitu: “S s sure”
Toad: “Ah well, it doesn’t matter anyway Shigeru says it’s going to be the soon released Smash Brothers that wins it all”
*Link turns up at the finishing line exhausted from trying to catch up all race and falls flat on his face
YAY!
Lakitu: “Oh look that’s made everyone happy, good old Shigeru knows what he’s doing doesn’t he.”
Toad: “Sonic and that Pikmin don’t look too happy”
*Pikachu in the crowd however looks pretty pleased with himself
*Sonic is strechered off
As is Mario
Everyone leaves none the wiser.
Toad: “Is that the end then?”
Lakitu: “Yeah let’s go home”
*Toad and Lakitu leave the recording studio and walk home, hand in hand.
Thanks for reading
Starlight
Mario: "See you next time"
Toad: “Enough with the pleasantries already”
Lakitu: “Wha....”
Lakitu: “With us today we have the mysterious character know as Master Chief from (*said very quickly and quietly) - X Box’s Halo, providing guest commentary for this great event!
Toad: “Are we going to start today?”
Lakitu: “Aren’t you supposed to be all happy and useful?”
Toad: “I’m an actor, I’m not really Toad, I’m just a guy in a costume like all the others here I’m not really jolly and nice, I play a talking mushroom what have I to be happy about?”
Lakitu: “So anyway let’s meet the racers”
*Lakitu flies from the commentary box and flies down to the racers
Toad: “Ha, ha look at those strings!"
*Points
*Toad lamps up
Lakitu individually assess each one with Toad and Master Chief providing the statistics from back up in the commentary booth high above the race track.
First up is everyone’s favourite Nintendo character and Star of his own game on Gamecubes own, Mario Sunshine!
Mario: “It’s a me, Mario.”
Toad: “Quite.”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “What?”
Master Chief: “What?”
Toad: “Mario has been warned before hand and has been extensively examined for uses of illegal substances, he is well known in the so called “mushroom kingdom” for taking these substances, he has claimed they have no effect but he does claim to grown bigger and can jump extremely high, also claims of walking on clouds and sightings of flying tortoises were made, Mario has however been cleared for today’s race.”
Next up is Marios partner in crime, Luigi! Star of his second ever game, Luigis Mansion! (Available in stores soon.)
Luigi: “Pasta!”
Toad: “Excuse me?”
Luigi: “I like pasta”
Toad: “We know you do Luigi”
*Looks over at Master Chief and whispers
“Talk about Italian stereotyping eh, ha ha”
Master Chief Just stares back at Toad who makes no further comments
Next up is none other than a Pikmin! A nice yellow one to be exact.
Toad: “Now I know these things don’t talk but.....”
Lakitu: “How do you know that?”
Toad: “Well I don’t”
Lakitu: “Do you think they do?”
Toad: “Dunno........., hey Pikmin do you talk? What do you think of today’s race?”
Pikmin: “Met’t vous pense le relâchement du Gamecube immédiatement avant Eté et après les deux il’et Sony et mauvais idée?
Lakitu: “........!”
Toad: “.....Err nope didn’t understand none of that, ahem. Moving on”
Master Chief: “That was French”
Toad: “Who’s next Lakitu?”
“Ahh it’s Yoshi!”
Master Chief: “That Pikmin was on about the Gamecube”
Toad: “Hang on a minute Yoshi? He doesn’t have a Gamecube game that I know about and what’s he doing with baby Mario on his back, is this a subliminal message from Nintendo?”
*Toad’s uses his eyebrows to suggest maybe so by raising and lowering them qucikly in succession
Mario’s Moustache begins twitcing fearsomely and everyone decides to let Yoshi and Baby Mario compete.
*Toad is seen holding his ear piece as seems to be apparently recieving instructions from the head of todays race.
Toad: “Ladies and Gentlemen Yoshi and baby Mario”
It was later noticed by one of the crowd that Toad wasn’t wearing any headgear whatsoever.
Next up is Sonic the hedgehog, the famous Sonic music hits from and the legendary electronic voice saying SEGAAA plays.
Laughing can be heard from the commentary booth
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad “...........”
“So Sonic, realised that your company couldn’t handle the Nintendo onslaught eh? Thought you would jump ship eh and throw away all those wasted years battling with Mario? Ha, ha, ha”
*Toad plays the SEGAAA bit again
Lakitu: “Ha, ha, yeah, didn’t you realise that running around loops at crazy speeds in snazzy shoes and beating cool bosses gets you nowhere? Ha! Being a fat plumber with a moustache and beating enemies with names such as Big Bomb are the way to go in this day and age”
Master Chief: “Ha, ha, ha!”
SEGAAA
*Sonic doesn’t look pleased
Lakitu: “Ha, ha plug me into a Sega”
Toad: “Ha, ha, yeah that was a hoot and a holler”
“Onto our next competitor and it’s none other than Princess Peach!”
Toad: “Hang on she doesn’t have a game either, this isn’t a free for all charity run, it’s a wonder she hasn’t been kidnapped yet anyway”
Princess Peach: “Oh that’s original”
*Toad bows head and a sad look creeps over his face
*Lakitu moves over to Luke Skywalker who features in the game Rogue Leader
Toad: “Hi Luke wh.....oh I’ve had enough of this lets just get on with it, ladies and gentlemen this is Luke Skywelkar.
Luke: “It’s Skywalker actually”
Toad: “Whatever, and the last competitor Fox McCloud! Right then.”
Lakitu: “Hey I didn’t get to go through my repertoire of Fox jokes”
*Toad bites his fist
*Lakitu flies back up into the commentary booth
Toad: “Right I’ll be kicking off this race, the rules are..THERE ARE NO RULES, ha ha!”
Lakitu: “Oh dear that was so bad.”
Toad: “You can use any means necessary to win as long as what you do is something your character would do in a Nintendo game.
Lakitu: “That’s not fair on the bad guys, they always loose”
Toad: “Everybody ready? No? Right then”
Link: “Wait!”
Toad: “Oh what now!?”
Lakitu: “Oh hey look it’s Link, looks like he’s been delayed again”
*Lots of laughter from everyone in the crowd
Toad: “Right forget him were starting this..”
“Ready”
“Steady”
Master Chief: “Buy X-Box”
Toad: “Can he do that?”
Lakitu: “GO!”
Toad: “Hey!”
Lakitu: “The race starts, Princess Peach false starts but no one seems to be the one to say anything, early on Mario is struggling, looks like he’s eaten one too many Pork Pies.”
Toad: “Mario doesn’t eat pork pies”
Lakitu: “What does he eat then?”
Toad: “Pasta I think and mushrooms. Raw ones”
Lakitu: “Is that healthy?”
Toad: “Can’t be look at him go, COME ON FATSO! I’ve got £10 on you! He’s all hype him. Go eat some more pork grinds you fat f...”
Master Chief: “You really aren’t very nice in real life are you”
Lakitu: “Hang on, so that’s ALL he eats then? Although saying that I know he weight lifts.”
Toad: “Does he really?”
Lakitu: “Well he doesn’t lift weights as such but he uses a good substitute, turnips, onions and other assorted vegetables. Oh yeah and shells”
Toad: “Shells?”
Master Chief: “Ahem, and the race?”
Lakitu: “Oh yes of course, oh look Luigi is on the floor! Wonder what happened there? All I see is Luigi and some conveniently placed Banana skins in his track.”
Toad: “Bananas? Hmmmm but Donkey Kong isn’t in this, is he”
Lakitu: “Nope but he seems a little ticked off for not being, look him and his whole family are in the crowd!”
Master Chief: “Woah! Look at the size of that family, those Kong’s made good use of the Karma Sutra didn’t they!”
Lakitu: “Back to the race, Luigi is up but he’s too far behind to make any impact now”
Toad: “It’s not as if his game is groundbreaking anyway, we’ve all seen ghostbusters before havn’t we?”
Master Chief: “Obviously not Shigsy”
Lakitu: “Oh look Luigi is still in front of Mario despite being ‘delayed’ so, Link and Fox are in the lead now with Peach, Yoshi and Luke Skywalker just behind but what’s this? Luke has pulled out a baton of some kind! Why are the crowd cheering that’s not going to be of any use. Oh wait! It’s projected some sort of light and he’s swinging it at Peach!
Toad: “Did you say he was swinging his baton at Peach? Heh, I bet he is.”
Lakitu: “No not like that, oh nevermind! Yoshi uses his extensive tongue to snatch the baton from Luke and then uses it against Luke knocking him down! Oh look it’s the Pikmin, I forgot about him, he’s catching up nicely and WOAH! He snatched Fox’s just as he drew it, my he’s fast!”
Toad: “Being quick isn’t always a good thing you know”
Lakitu: “That Pikmin has the gun now I wonder how he will implement it in this race? Surely he has no fingers and thumbs to operate it? Oh hey look Sonic who was obviously winning seems to have stopped for a breather.”
Toad: “It’s the hare and the tortoise all over again”
Lakitu: “Wait a minute! What’s he doing with that gun, oh my g....
*Temporary broadcasting problems have been encountered we will get you back to the race as soon as possible
Toad: “ERGH! I do not want to see that ever again!”
*Lakitu is still in shock
*Toad shakes him
Toad: “Hey snap out of it, I’m not doing this on my own, I don’t have to, this is a breach of contract, wake up!
*Bowser and minions come down and spoil the race.
Toad: “Oh for gaud’s sake!”
Fire is breathed, chaos reigns, the princess is kidnapped and Mario is not best pleased.
Toad: “All in all a nice day then Ladies”
Lakitu: “S s sure”
Toad: “Ah well, it doesn’t matter anyway Shigeru says it’s going to be the soon released Smash Brothers that wins it all”
*Link turns up at the finishing line exhausted from trying to catch up all race and falls flat on his face
YAY!
Lakitu: “Oh look that’s made everyone happy, good old Shigeru knows what he’s doing doesn’t he.”
Toad: “Sonic and that Pikmin don’t look too happy”
*Pikachu in the crowd however looks pretty pleased with himself
*Sonic is strechered off
As is Mario
Everyone leaves none the wiser.
Toad: “Is that the end then?”
Lakitu: “Yeah let’s go home”
*Toad and Lakitu leave the recording studio and walk home, hand in hand.
Thanks for reading
Starlight
Mario: "See you next time"