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Not my own work, but some things to think about anyway...
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1) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2) I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
3) I am in shape. Round's a shape...
4) I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5) Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6) I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
8) Have you ever noticed anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
9) You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is.
10) I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
11) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
12) Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
13) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
14) A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
-----
1) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2) I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
3) I am in shape. Round's a shape...
4) I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5) Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6) I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
8) Have you ever noticed anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
9) You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is.
10) I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
11) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
12) Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
13) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
14) A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
I found number 9 and number 10 funny.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way.
E-mail from my mum, who got them from someone else, who got them from someone else... and so on.
Couldn't help laughing at number 2 :D. Where did you get these from?
13) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
pretty sure your wife doesn't crap in the woods or eat grass, sh talks to you, probably your only company.
Kamikazee pilots didn't wear helmets (they had those leathery things with fur inside like the British), anyway, they probably wore them to keep their heads warm, the planes wern't insulated very well, and it's cold up in the sky
pretty sure your wife doesn't crap in the woods or eat grass, sh talks to you, probably your only company.
Kamikazee pilots didn't wear helmets (they had those leathery things with fur inside like the British), anyway, they probably wore them to keep their heads warm, the planes wern't insulated very well, and it's cold up in the sky
Numbers 2 and 3.
he he he, ho ho ho :0)
he he he, ho ho ho :0)
WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
4) I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Because if they got hit, and banged their heads, they would probably find it a bit difficult to get to their target.
5) Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
If I ever see words spelt out at me in alphabet soup, I'll probably stop eating it. :0)
7) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
That's because your breath stinks. Simple really. :0)
4) I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Because if they got hit, and banged their heads, they would probably find it a bit difficult to get to their target.
5) Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
If I ever see words spelt out at me in alphabet soup, I'll probably stop eating it. :0)
7) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
That's because your breath stinks. Simple really. :0)
Not my own work, but some things to think about anyway...
-----
1) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2) I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
3) I am in shape. Round's a shape...
4) I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5) Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6) I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
8) Have you ever noticed anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
9) You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is.
10) I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
11) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
12) Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
13) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
14) A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
-----
1) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2) I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
3) I am in shape. Round's a shape...
4) I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5) Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6) I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
8) Have you ever noticed anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
9) You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is.
10) I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
11) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
12) Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
13) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
14) A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."