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It was revealed yesterday in a leaked memo from somewhere important that Online Gaming Champions are being recruited into Covert Guerrilla Armies and being sent as far as Chiswick to commit acts of random sarcasm towards newbies and those less proficient than themselves.
Speaking from the world-famous “Virginacon” (London’s biggest LAN gaming tournament), organiser Terry Nutkins said “The guys that win these things are hardcore. They didn’t get where they are today by being nice to newcomers and sparing them in face-off scenarios. It takes a certain instinct to be able to violate a blatantly-clueless player and then to taunt them with various voice commands, so that the entire server can hear. Quite often, it ends with the novice player labelling the Victor a “tw#t” before logging off.”
23-stone Quake 3 Champ Nigel Winter said, between mouthfuls of garage-bought sandwiches “Hey man, it’s not my fault if these newbie sh##s can’t play all day every day is it? So what if they can’t afford £200+ to install ISDN lines? Shouldn’t play if you can’t run at a ping less then 9. You come here, you get raped.”
Winter is the Clan Leader of the infamous “Unemployed Fat Virgin” Clan from Wolverhampton, who frequently meet in IRC channels to discuss just how well they played all day long the previous weekend. They trade screenshots of how well they “owned” other players and refuse to issue new members with the all important [ ] prefixes that show clan loyalty.
Winter spoke of the Guerrilla Army Situation:
“It’s true. If you’re good enough, if you can beat the Grand-Master at Counter-Strike then he’ll email you. And then you’re in.”
When asked exactly what entailed being in this army, Winter snorted “Like I’m going to tell you newbies. Practice, you got to practice more before I’ll even frag you.”
However, a former member dares to speak out against this terror:
“They’re a bunch of fat whining pr##ks to be honest. I thought online gaming was a laugh y’know? But soon I had to go through “training” sessions and be assigned a rank. I thought “f##k that” so I went rogue. They hunted me through most of the servers and sent their best players after me, but I fragged then all. Then I heard about this army, so I applied and got in.”
When asked what this involved, the man wishing only to be known as Peter said
“Baby stuff, really. They’d hang around Electronic Boutique stores and make snooty comments to people that would buy games with online capabilities. They push them up against the wall outside the shop and ask if they had Cable-Modem access. Quite often, they’d knock the game out of the person’s hand before walking away to eat pizza. I was embarrassed to be seen with these morons.”
Winter is quick to deny these rumours, “Ah yes Peter. Well, he refused to obey Clan rules, so we kicked him out. He wouldn’t buy the headset microphone we all use, nor would he change his MSN name to include the [ ] tag, he told us that was stupid and he only played online for fun. Well who’s laughing now? I won last year here and I got £10 W H Smith voucher and some pop. I f###ing rule.”
Peter refuses to talk to Winter anymore, claiming “He’s a total loser. Really, he’s never seen a woman naked and thinks that playing a stupid game online makes up for the fact he sweats gravy and has b****-***s. I’ll slap his stupid fat face if he ever made it outside his front door in less than 13 hours. What a nonce”
Speaking from the world-famous “Virginacon” (London’s biggest LAN gaming tournament), organiser Terry Nutkins said “The guys that win these things are hardcore. They didn’t get where they are today by being nice to newcomers and sparing them in face-off scenarios. It takes a certain instinct to be able to violate a blatantly-clueless player and then to taunt them with various voice commands, so that the entire server can hear. Quite often, it ends with the novice player labelling the Victor a “tw#t” before logging off.”
23-stone Quake 3 Champ Nigel Winter said, between mouthfuls of garage-bought sandwiches “Hey man, it’s not my fault if these newbie sh##s can’t play all day every day is it? So what if they can’t afford £200+ to install ISDN lines? Shouldn’t play if you can’t run at a ping less then 9. You come here, you get raped.”
Winter is the Clan Leader of the infamous “Unemployed Fat Virgin” Clan from Wolverhampton, who frequently meet in IRC channels to discuss just how well they played all day long the previous weekend. They trade screenshots of how well they “owned” other players and refuse to issue new members with the all important [ ] prefixes that show clan loyalty.
Winter spoke of the Guerrilla Army Situation:
“It’s true. If you’re good enough, if you can beat the Grand-Master at Counter-Strike then he’ll email you. And then you’re in.”
When asked exactly what entailed being in this army, Winter snorted “Like I’m going to tell you newbies. Practice, you got to practice more before I’ll even frag you.”
However, a former member dares to speak out against this terror:
“They’re a bunch of fat whining pr##ks to be honest. I thought online gaming was a laugh y’know? But soon I had to go through “training” sessions and be assigned a rank. I thought “f##k that” so I went rogue. They hunted me through most of the servers and sent their best players after me, but I fragged then all. Then I heard about this army, so I applied and got in.”
When asked what this involved, the man wishing only to be known as Peter said
“Baby stuff, really. They’d hang around Electronic Boutique stores and make snooty comments to people that would buy games with online capabilities. They push them up against the wall outside the shop and ask if they had Cable-Modem access. Quite often, they’d knock the game out of the person’s hand before walking away to eat pizza. I was embarrassed to be seen with these morons.”
Winter is quick to deny these rumours, “Ah yes Peter. Well, he refused to obey Clan rules, so we kicked him out. He wouldn’t buy the headset microphone we all use, nor would he change his MSN name to include the [ ] tag, he told us that was stupid and he only played online for fun. Well who’s laughing now? I won last year here and I got £10 W H Smith voucher and some pop. I f###ing rule.”
Peter refuses to talk to Winter anymore, claiming “He’s a total loser. Really, he’s never seen a woman naked and thinks that playing a stupid game online makes up for the fact he sweats gravy and has b****-***s. I’ll slap his stupid fat face if he ever made it outside his front door in less than 13 hours. What a nonce”
Sounds very Austin Powers Mystique. ;-) Well, Doctor Evil anyway.
Excellent post Goatboy. ;-))
Excellent post Goatboy. ;-))
SiLenT-Sc0pe[UK²] wrote:
> erm ..... woteva.
Talk to the hand cos the face ain't listenin girlfriend!
*snaps fingers*
You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips.
Don't even go there
WHATEVER!
> erm ..... woteva.
Talk to the hand cos the face ain't listenin girlfriend!
*snaps fingers*
You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips.
Don't even go there
WHATEVER!
ha ha i rox ur @R$3 da l33t machine is on da loos ya!
(How many do you think are trying to get your name now?)
Five or six, definitely.
(How many do you think are trying to get your name now?)
Five or six, definitely.
*sniggers* Sniper took it personally...
LOL the worst of it is that there are people like this. There is a guy in my chemistry class, he is huuugggeeee and plays everquest whenever he isnt at school. I bet he is playing right now.
erm ..... woteva.
Goatboy wrote:
> playing a stupid game online makes up for the fact he sweats gravy and has
> b****-***s
Hilarious stuff, surely a GAD should be awarded for this comment alone.
> playing a stupid game online makes up for the fact he sweats gravy and has
> b****-***s
Hilarious stuff, surely a GAD should be awarded for this comment alone.
That's digusting "he sweats gravy"
Yuk.
Very entertaining none the less.
Yuk.
Very entertaining none the less.
It was revealed yesterday in a leaked memo from somewhere important that Online Gaming Champions are being recruited into Covert Guerrilla Armies and being sent as far as Chiswick to commit acts of random sarcasm towards newbies and those less proficient than themselves.
Speaking from the world-famous “Virginacon” (London’s biggest LAN gaming tournament), organiser Terry Nutkins said “The guys that win these things are hardcore. They didn’t get where they are today by being nice to newcomers and sparing them in face-off scenarios. It takes a certain instinct to be able to violate a blatantly-clueless player and then to taunt them with various voice commands, so that the entire server can hear. Quite often, it ends with the novice player labelling the Victor a “tw#t” before logging off.”
23-stone Quake 3 Champ Nigel Winter said, between mouthfuls of garage-bought sandwiches “Hey man, it’s not my fault if these newbie sh##s can’t play all day every day is it? So what if they can’t afford £200+ to install ISDN lines? Shouldn’t play if you can’t run at a ping less then 9. You come here, you get raped.”
Winter is the Clan Leader of the infamous “Unemployed Fat Virgin” Clan from Wolverhampton, who frequently meet in IRC channels to discuss just how well they played all day long the previous weekend. They trade screenshots of how well they “owned” other players and refuse to issue new members with the all important [ ] prefixes that show clan loyalty.
Winter spoke of the Guerrilla Army Situation:
“It’s true. If you’re good enough, if you can beat the Grand-Master at Counter-Strike then he’ll email you. And then you’re in.”
When asked exactly what entailed being in this army, Winter snorted “Like I’m going to tell you newbies. Practice, you got to practice more before I’ll even frag you.”
However, a former member dares to speak out against this terror:
“They’re a bunch of fat whining pr##ks to be honest. I thought online gaming was a laugh y’know? But soon I had to go through “training” sessions and be assigned a rank. I thought “f##k that” so I went rogue. They hunted me through most of the servers and sent their best players after me, but I fragged then all. Then I heard about this army, so I applied and got in.”
When asked what this involved, the man wishing only to be known as Peter said
“Baby stuff, really. They’d hang around Electronic Boutique stores and make snooty comments to people that would buy games with online capabilities. They push them up against the wall outside the shop and ask if they had Cable-Modem access. Quite often, they’d knock the game out of the person’s hand before walking away to eat pizza. I was embarrassed to be seen with these morons.”
Winter is quick to deny these rumours, “Ah yes Peter. Well, he refused to obey Clan rules, so we kicked him out. He wouldn’t buy the headset microphone we all use, nor would he change his MSN name to include the [ ] tag, he told us that was stupid and he only played online for fun. Well who’s laughing now? I won last year here and I got £10 W H Smith voucher and some pop. I f###ing rule.”
Peter refuses to talk to Winter anymore, claiming “He’s a total loser. Really, he’s never seen a woman naked and thinks that playing a stupid game online makes up for the fact he sweats gravy and has b****-***s. I’ll slap his stupid fat face if he ever made it outside his front door in less than 13 hours. What a nonce”
Speaking from the world-famous “Virginacon” (London’s biggest LAN gaming tournament), organiser Terry Nutkins said “The guys that win these things are hardcore. They didn’t get where they are today by being nice to newcomers and sparing them in face-off scenarios. It takes a certain instinct to be able to violate a blatantly-clueless player and then to taunt them with various voice commands, so that the entire server can hear. Quite often, it ends with the novice player labelling the Victor a “tw#t” before logging off.”
23-stone Quake 3 Champ Nigel Winter said, between mouthfuls of garage-bought sandwiches “Hey man, it’s not my fault if these newbie sh##s can’t play all day every day is it? So what if they can’t afford £200+ to install ISDN lines? Shouldn’t play if you can’t run at a ping less then 9. You come here, you get raped.”
Winter is the Clan Leader of the infamous “Unemployed Fat Virgin” Clan from Wolverhampton, who frequently meet in IRC channels to discuss just how well they played all day long the previous weekend. They trade screenshots of how well they “owned” other players and refuse to issue new members with the all important [ ] prefixes that show clan loyalty.
Winter spoke of the Guerrilla Army Situation:
“It’s true. If you’re good enough, if you can beat the Grand-Master at Counter-Strike then he’ll email you. And then you’re in.”
When asked exactly what entailed being in this army, Winter snorted “Like I’m going to tell you newbies. Practice, you got to practice more before I’ll even frag you.”
However, a former member dares to speak out against this terror:
“They’re a bunch of fat whining pr##ks to be honest. I thought online gaming was a laugh y’know? But soon I had to go through “training” sessions and be assigned a rank. I thought “f##k that” so I went rogue. They hunted me through most of the servers and sent their best players after me, but I fragged then all. Then I heard about this army, so I applied and got in.”
When asked what this involved, the man wishing only to be known as Peter said
“Baby stuff, really. They’d hang around Electronic Boutique stores and make snooty comments to people that would buy games with online capabilities. They push them up against the wall outside the shop and ask if they had Cable-Modem access. Quite often, they’d knock the game out of the person’s hand before walking away to eat pizza. I was embarrassed to be seen with these morons.”
Winter is quick to deny these rumours, “Ah yes Peter. Well, he refused to obey Clan rules, so we kicked him out. He wouldn’t buy the headset microphone we all use, nor would he change his MSN name to include the [ ] tag, he told us that was stupid and he only played online for fun. Well who’s laughing now? I won last year here and I got £10 W H Smith voucher and some pop. I f###ing rule.”
Peter refuses to talk to Winter anymore, claiming “He’s a total loser. Really, he’s never seen a woman naked and thinks that playing a stupid game online makes up for the fact he sweats gravy and has b****-***s. I’ll slap his stupid fat face if he ever made it outside his front door in less than 13 hours. What a nonce”