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No doubt for many of you here on the SR message boards, growing up to play computer games as a profession is a dream. It may be hard to break into the industry at first but fortunatly, I'm here to help. With my expertise you will hopefully be able to get yourself linked in with some of the big wigs in the industry purley on the basis of what you put down in your CV - which is what I shall advise you on. I have also taken the time to annotate each point with '[ ]' brackets so that you don't miss a trick. Why, even printing this off and sending it to an employer will have you as good as hired! Read on my friends....
Name: Gill Rates/Shyamoto Tigeru/Zelpa [any name that reminds the empolyer of something game reletead will put you in his good books. For gods sake, change your name leagally if you have too.]
Address: 106, Silicon valley - just behind Bill Gates' holiday home [work out which importent figure in gaming is closest to you in miles (no doubt you should have the distance memorised anway) and put it down, it's all impresive]
Date Of Birth: X-X-1985/86 [the NES and Megadrive were released respectivly
on these dates - make the employer think you were there at the beginning of the original console war and so are somehow magically bound to the art of gaming - saying you become more powerful with every Nintendo console sold will help no end.]
Martial Status: Single [how can someone with any sign of social skills whatsoever be such a hardcore gamer? Of cousre you should be single, it makes you look like you've got more time for gaming - if you've got a girlfriend at the time of sending this off, spilt up now, whilst theres still time]
Education:
IT, Key Skills, Computing, Maths, Physics, Electronics [either at A-level or GCSE, having a geek course in your arsenal of grades just adds to how inhumanly nerdy you can be]
Employment History:
IBM, SEGA, Mircrosoft, Sony, any developer, miyamoto shigeru's waiter when he dined at a resturant [put it all down, anything that remotely resembles working near or with computers will help in your quest...er....dream.]
Reference:
[It may be hard to get them to even look at you twice, it may take a good few hours of stalking as well, but if any of these people write you a reference then your in. Just make sure you don't do anything incriminating...]
Bill Gates
Peter Molyneux
Miyamoto Shigeru
Okawa [Former Sega President. Ok, so your going to need a time machine for that one]
Kunitake Ando Visits Wipro [Sony president, make sure there's enough room on the CV for his name]
Criminal Record:
No, unless you count GTA3 [I can't stress the importence of making this vital joke, not only does it show you've played a landmark game but it also shows your razor sharp wit and good sense of humour. Your a legend. Say it to yourself. Say it in the mirror. SAY IT. LOUDER...]++
Do you have a disability?
Yes, I can't stop playing games. [again, this great sense of humour shows that you'd be a brilliant addition to any office]
What is your favorite game?
Final Fantasy/Breath Of Fire/Suikoden/Zelda. [take note of the genre of these games, even if it isn't true - as is the case with most CV's - make sure you say your favorite game is an RPG. The connetations of a spotty, prepubescent loner are unbelaveable, make sure it's done]
Why would we benefit from having you?
Because I played Tomb Radier stopping at every polygon to view it from every different angle ever/I played every Final Fantasy game and hunted out every single piece of currency in the series/I played the original Maro Bros. finishing each level on the 'dum' of the classic little tune - 'do do do de do daaa, dum!'/I'm a total geek and I get turned on by playing Beach Spikers/Dead Or Alive/Tetris. [any of these will surley move the employer to tears, he won't believe his luck that YOU wrote to HIM - your as good as hired my friend, well done]
Hopefully, you see whats required to make it in the ruff and ready world of the games industry, with a little presistance and a few inncont lies, you can have your dream job and not think twice about how you might have just wasted your entire life.....
Thanks, Mike.
Name: Gill Rates/Shyamoto Tigeru/Zelpa [any name that reminds the empolyer of something game reletead will put you in his good books. For gods sake, change your name leagally if you have too.]
Address: 106, Silicon valley - just behind Bill Gates' holiday home [work out which importent figure in gaming is closest to you in miles (no doubt you should have the distance memorised anway) and put it down, it's all impresive]
Date Of Birth: X-X-1985/86 [the NES and Megadrive were released respectivly
on these dates - make the employer think you were there at the beginning of the original console war and so are somehow magically bound to the art of gaming - saying you become more powerful with every Nintendo console sold will help no end.]
Martial Status: Single [how can someone with any sign of social skills whatsoever be such a hardcore gamer? Of cousre you should be single, it makes you look like you've got more time for gaming - if you've got a girlfriend at the time of sending this off, spilt up now, whilst theres still time]
Education:
IT, Key Skills, Computing, Maths, Physics, Electronics [either at A-level or GCSE, having a geek course in your arsenal of grades just adds to how inhumanly nerdy you can be]
Employment History:
IBM, SEGA, Mircrosoft, Sony, any developer, miyamoto shigeru's waiter when he dined at a resturant [put it all down, anything that remotely resembles working near or with computers will help in your quest...er....dream.]
Reference:
[It may be hard to get them to even look at you twice, it may take a good few hours of stalking as well, but if any of these people write you a reference then your in. Just make sure you don't do anything incriminating...]
Bill Gates
Peter Molyneux
Miyamoto Shigeru
Okawa [Former Sega President. Ok, so your going to need a time machine for that one]
Kunitake Ando Visits Wipro [Sony president, make sure there's enough room on the CV for his name]
Criminal Record:
No, unless you count GTA3 [I can't stress the importence of making this vital joke, not only does it show you've played a landmark game but it also shows your razor sharp wit and good sense of humour. Your a legend. Say it to yourself. Say it in the mirror. SAY IT. LOUDER...]++
Do you have a disability?
Yes, I can't stop playing games. [again, this great sense of humour shows that you'd be a brilliant addition to any office]
What is your favorite game?
Final Fantasy/Breath Of Fire/Suikoden/Zelda. [take note of the genre of these games, even if it isn't true - as is the case with most CV's - make sure you say your favorite game is an RPG. The connetations of a spotty, prepubescent loner are unbelaveable, make sure it's done]
Why would we benefit from having you?
Because I played Tomb Radier stopping at every polygon to view it from every different angle ever/I played every Final Fantasy game and hunted out every single piece of currency in the series/I played the original Maro Bros. finishing each level on the 'dum' of the classic little tune - 'do do do de do daaa, dum!'/I'm a total geek and I get turned on by playing Beach Spikers/Dead Or Alive/Tetris. [any of these will surley move the employer to tears, he won't believe his luck that YOU wrote to HIM - your as good as hired my friend, well done]
Hopefully, you see whats required to make it in the ruff and ready world of the games industry, with a little presistance and a few inncont lies, you can have your dream job and not think twice about how you might have just wasted your entire life.....
Thanks, Mike.
Nice post
Well Done
Well Done
LOL, nice!! :-)
Bah, you've won a GAD, I haven't... Ho hum
cheers you two - always appreciated :)
Very funny indeed!
Wow! That was excellent. Count on a GAD!
:D
:D
No doubt for many of you here on the SR message boards, growing up to play computer games as a profession is a dream. It may be hard to break into the industry at first but fortunatly, I'm here to help. With my expertise you will hopefully be able to get yourself linked in with some of the big wigs in the industry purley on the basis of what you put down in your CV - which is what I shall advise you on. I have also taken the time to annotate each point with '[ ]' brackets so that you don't miss a trick. Why, even printing this off and sending it to an employer will have you as good as hired! Read on my friends....
Name: Gill Rates/Shyamoto Tigeru/Zelpa [any name that reminds the empolyer of something game reletead will put you in his good books. For gods sake, change your name leagally if you have too.]
Address: 106, Silicon valley - just behind Bill Gates' holiday home [work out which importent figure in gaming is closest to you in miles (no doubt you should have the distance memorised anway) and put it down, it's all impresive]
Date Of Birth: X-X-1985/86 [the NES and Megadrive were released respectivly
on these dates - make the employer think you were there at the beginning of the original console war and so are somehow magically bound to the art of gaming - saying you become more powerful with every Nintendo console sold will help no end.]
Martial Status: Single [how can someone with any sign of social skills whatsoever be such a hardcore gamer? Of cousre you should be single, it makes you look like you've got more time for gaming - if you've got a girlfriend at the time of sending this off, spilt up now, whilst theres still time]
Education:
IT, Key Skills, Computing, Maths, Physics, Electronics [either at A-level or GCSE, having a geek course in your arsenal of grades just adds to how inhumanly nerdy you can be]
Employment History:
IBM, SEGA, Mircrosoft, Sony, any developer, miyamoto shigeru's waiter when he dined at a resturant [put it all down, anything that remotely resembles working near or with computers will help in your quest...er....dream.]
Reference:
[It may be hard to get them to even look at you twice, it may take a good few hours of stalking as well, but if any of these people write you a reference then your in. Just make sure you don't do anything incriminating...]
Bill Gates
Peter Molyneux
Miyamoto Shigeru
Okawa [Former Sega President. Ok, so your going to need a time machine for that one]
Kunitake Ando Visits Wipro [Sony president, make sure there's enough room on the CV for his name]
Criminal Record:
No, unless you count GTA3 [I can't stress the importence of making this vital joke, not only does it show you've played a landmark game but it also shows your razor sharp wit and good sense of humour. Your a legend. Say it to yourself. Say it in the mirror. SAY IT. LOUDER...]++
Do you have a disability?
Yes, I can't stop playing games. [again, this great sense of humour shows that you'd be a brilliant addition to any office]
What is your favorite game?
Final Fantasy/Breath Of Fire/Suikoden/Zelda. [take note of the genre of these games, even if it isn't true - as is the case with most CV's - make sure you say your favorite game is an RPG. The connetations of a spotty, prepubescent loner are unbelaveable, make sure it's done]
Why would we benefit from having you?
Because I played Tomb Radier stopping at every polygon to view it from every different angle ever/I played every Final Fantasy game and hunted out every single piece of currency in the series/I played the original Maro Bros. finishing each level on the 'dum' of the classic little tune - 'do do do de do daaa, dum!'/I'm a total geek and I get turned on by playing Beach Spikers/Dead Or Alive/Tetris. [any of these will surley move the employer to tears, he won't believe his luck that YOU wrote to HIM - your as good as hired my friend, well done]
Hopefully, you see whats required to make it in the ruff and ready world of the games industry, with a little presistance and a few inncont lies, you can have your dream job and not think twice about how you might have just wasted your entire life.....
Thanks, Mike.
Name: Gill Rates/Shyamoto Tigeru/Zelpa [any name that reminds the empolyer of something game reletead will put you in his good books. For gods sake, change your name leagally if you have too.]
Address: 106, Silicon valley - just behind Bill Gates' holiday home [work out which importent figure in gaming is closest to you in miles (no doubt you should have the distance memorised anway) and put it down, it's all impresive]
Date Of Birth: X-X-1985/86 [the NES and Megadrive were released respectivly
on these dates - make the employer think you were there at the beginning of the original console war and so are somehow magically bound to the art of gaming - saying you become more powerful with every Nintendo console sold will help no end.]
Martial Status: Single [how can someone with any sign of social skills whatsoever be such a hardcore gamer? Of cousre you should be single, it makes you look like you've got more time for gaming - if you've got a girlfriend at the time of sending this off, spilt up now, whilst theres still time]
Education:
IT, Key Skills, Computing, Maths, Physics, Electronics [either at A-level or GCSE, having a geek course in your arsenal of grades just adds to how inhumanly nerdy you can be]
Employment History:
IBM, SEGA, Mircrosoft, Sony, any developer, miyamoto shigeru's waiter when he dined at a resturant [put it all down, anything that remotely resembles working near or with computers will help in your quest...er....dream.]
Reference:
[It may be hard to get them to even look at you twice, it may take a good few hours of stalking as well, but if any of these people write you a reference then your in. Just make sure you don't do anything incriminating...]
Bill Gates
Peter Molyneux
Miyamoto Shigeru
Okawa [Former Sega President. Ok, so your going to need a time machine for that one]
Kunitake Ando Visits Wipro [Sony president, make sure there's enough room on the CV for his name]
Criminal Record:
No, unless you count GTA3 [I can't stress the importence of making this vital joke, not only does it show you've played a landmark game but it also shows your razor sharp wit and good sense of humour. Your a legend. Say it to yourself. Say it in the mirror. SAY IT. LOUDER...]++
Do you have a disability?
Yes, I can't stop playing games. [again, this great sense of humour shows that you'd be a brilliant addition to any office]
What is your favorite game?
Final Fantasy/Breath Of Fire/Suikoden/Zelda. [take note of the genre of these games, even if it isn't true - as is the case with most CV's - make sure you say your favorite game is an RPG. The connetations of a spotty, prepubescent loner are unbelaveable, make sure it's done]
Why would we benefit from having you?
Because I played Tomb Radier stopping at every polygon to view it from every different angle ever/I played every Final Fantasy game and hunted out every single piece of currency in the series/I played the original Maro Bros. finishing each level on the 'dum' of the classic little tune - 'do do do de do daaa, dum!'/I'm a total geek and I get turned on by playing Beach Spikers/Dead Or Alive/Tetris. [any of these will surley move the employer to tears, he won't believe his luck that YOU wrote to HIM - your as good as hired my friend, well done]
Hopefully, you see whats required to make it in the ruff and ready world of the games industry, with a little presistance and a few inncont lies, you can have your dream job and not think twice about how you might have just wasted your entire life.....
Thanks, Mike.