The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
America is by far the most overweight continent in the planet. We have food in the U.S. to feed more than 500,000 people for almost 56 life times. But to do normal day activities, us Americans have to stop our eating and proceed doing things. Lets say that you want to enjoy yourself by playing a video game. It is a real pain eating then having to wash your hands constantly every time you pick up your hamburger and then decide to touch the controller. Games should have food built into them in a way that people don't need to juggle both at the same time.
The Great Disposer
This method of food in games is simple. When you have a sudden urge for a banana split or another tasty food, quickly press the new addition to the game controller, the F button. As soon as you lay your hungry little finger on the F button a small compartment on your game system will open and a fast food meal with french fries, a cheese burger, and an apple pie will shoot out of the new added feature and into your mouth.
Never will you have to stop your games to run to the nearest Mac Donalds to get that happy meal. There will be a risk of being hit in the eye or soiling your clothing when it misses your mouth, but who cares you could just lick it off your shirt right? Even though you must refill your system with food every two day, the Great Disposer will never fail you when the hunger strikes.
The Tease Technique
Many gaming companies need to convince their crowd that they must buy the game they make for more reasons that meet the eye. While your playing Mario Sunshine sooner or later many flashes of pictures of fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies appear in front of the screen. The sequence would be kind of like this...
Look a secret shine in the distance lets go get it for I could open that next episode. POP POP POP! Oh, look it's a tub of strawberry ice cream. Suddenly I need some ice cream or I will not be able to continue with my game because my strange urge for ice cream.
As the player continuously has to get a snack it takes the game longer to beat. It also prevents gamers from playing more than 6 hours at a time and ruining their health. This technique could also be used for censors on television instead of those unsightly black strips. So if someone swears there will be a slice of pizza in front of the person’s mouth and not that weird blur.
The Sacrificial Plan
There is always an idea that companies make to make the buyer waste as much money humanly possible. Microsoft's X-Box scratches the disc until everyone has to buy the same game again. Whether Microsoft did this on purpose or not doesn't matter but many have had an idea from this. They make the systems entirely of cheese!
Everyone is going to be biting pieces off their PS2. Soon the PS2 is missing so many chunks that they have to buy a new one. It's a flawless plan. Beware buyers, if you keep your system in one place to long it begins to smell!
The Full Blown Seduction
The simplest way to get a food crazy gamer to buy something is just to make games about their favorite subject. Have a heart broken donut fight off the whip-creamed empire for the golden apple and you will have a perfect game. Or you take a more fun approach and just make a remake of famous games.
Grand Theft Pizza 3 would be a great game about an Italian mafia boss having to steal the greasiest pizzas in the town and delivering them to his clients illegally. Mario’s Sunshine Oranges would be a game devoted to collecting fruit and feeding it to a huge chicken. When the chicken gets big enough you get to see the ending movie of Mario eating a drumstick. And maybe there will be an appearance from the best fruit in the world, Peach.
Food in games will revolutionize gaming industries everywhere and will have the greatest impact ever. Over all food in games will bring more gamers, more satisfaction, and of course, more diabetes.
THE END
Drunk
The Great Disposer
This method of food in games is simple. When you have a sudden urge for a banana split or another tasty food, quickly press the new addition to the game controller, the F button. As soon as you lay your hungry little finger on the F button a small compartment on your game system will open and a fast food meal with french fries, a cheese burger, and an apple pie will shoot out of the new added feature and into your mouth.
Never will you have to stop your games to run to the nearest Mac Donalds to get that happy meal. There will be a risk of being hit in the eye or soiling your clothing when it misses your mouth, but who cares you could just lick it off your shirt right? Even though you must refill your system with food every two day, the Great Disposer will never fail you when the hunger strikes.
The Tease Technique
Many gaming companies need to convince their crowd that they must buy the game they make for more reasons that meet the eye. While your playing Mario Sunshine sooner or later many flashes of pictures of fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies appear in front of the screen. The sequence would be kind of like this...
Look a secret shine in the distance lets go get it for I could open that next episode. POP POP POP! Oh, look it's a tub of strawberry ice cream. Suddenly I need some ice cream or I will not be able to continue with my game because my strange urge for ice cream.
As the player continuously has to get a snack it takes the game longer to beat. It also prevents gamers from playing more than 6 hours at a time and ruining their health. This technique could also be used for censors on television instead of those unsightly black strips. So if someone swears there will be a slice of pizza in front of the person’s mouth and not that weird blur.
The Sacrificial Plan
There is always an idea that companies make to make the buyer waste as much money humanly possible. Microsoft's X-Box scratches the disc until everyone has to buy the same game again. Whether Microsoft did this on purpose or not doesn't matter but many have had an idea from this. They make the systems entirely of cheese!
Everyone is going to be biting pieces off their PS2. Soon the PS2 is missing so many chunks that they have to buy a new one. It's a flawless plan. Beware buyers, if you keep your system in one place to long it begins to smell!
The Full Blown Seduction
The simplest way to get a food crazy gamer to buy something is just to make games about their favorite subject. Have a heart broken donut fight off the whip-creamed empire for the golden apple and you will have a perfect game. Or you take a more fun approach and just make a remake of famous games.
Grand Theft Pizza 3 would be a great game about an Italian mafia boss having to steal the greasiest pizzas in the town and delivering them to his clients illegally. Mario’s Sunshine Oranges would be a game devoted to collecting fruit and feeding it to a huge chicken. When the chicken gets big enough you get to see the ending movie of Mario eating a drumstick. And maybe there will be an appearance from the best fruit in the world, Peach.
Food in games will revolutionize gaming industries everywhere and will have the greatest impact ever. Over all food in games will bring more gamers, more satisfaction, and of course, more diabetes.
THE END
Drunk
Page:
LOL!
Well if you don't want it... (hint hint)
Well if you don't want it... (hint hint)
Bill
"throws over shoulder"
Bill
"throws over shoulder"
GAD prize
"throws over shoulder"
Free sample of my favorite shampoo!!!
"runs to bathroom in exitement"
"throws over shoulder"
Bill
"throws over shoulder"
GAD prize
"throws over shoulder"
Free sample of my favorite shampoo!!!
"runs to bathroom in exitement"
Heh, finally, the Cow has won GAD.
I take it you're not a member of SR, Drunk Cow, which means you'll have to claim a Membership and a Free Gift.
I take it you're not a member of SR, Drunk Cow, which means you'll have to claim a Membership and a Free Gift.
Congratulations.
great post
If they do make this food in games thing then I will defenetly get one.
Thank jew berry muchness.:D
Amusing post Drunk Cow, well done. :)
Another amusing post Drunk. Hehe
apparantly you went back in time to tell us.
nice.
nice.
Page: