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"Ancient History"

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Mon 14/10/02 at 23:08
Regular
Posts: 787
Videogames have been around longer than you think! Some say they were invented in the 1970s, others say they weren't invented until people realised that Mario lost one of his shines up the backside of a Sony developer, but I know for a fact that videogames have been around a lot longer than everyone thinks? How? Because my ancient ancestors recorded it all in diaries!

5000BC - De-urgh Diary-ugh, been-ug play-ug Ugger Martin-urgh Brosug on the Ug Advance! I saved the woman-ug from the evil Sabre-tooth Ugster on level Ugug. Very tricky playug with a stick and ug stone. I can not wait urghtil some wug invents the joy-ug-stick. More ug when I get a chance. Udgy.

50BC - Dearus Diarosus, After defeating Maximus Bowsus on level XVIVM of Marius and Luigus, but am wondering whether I should have fed Empress Peachia to the lions in my last entertainment special before the Gladiator show at the Colosseum. It wasn't til it was too late that I realised that I rescued Empress Peachia in the first place from Maximus Bowsus, so all I can say is thumbs down to this game (which will result in the game being fed to the lions also). It's a shame that nobody has invented a numeric system to replace these alpha-numerals. I'm finding it difficult to keep track! Anyway, Maria Ceasus is attending a dip in the local baths later, should be very interesting. Edgyus Maximus.

57AD - Dearus Diarosus, Those pathetic Christians have failed to impress me with their game Super Preacher Brothers for the latest handheld system. It's full of people who have a fascination with some form of tiny tunnel that channels water from one place to another, similar to our current sewage systems. They repeatedly enter each tunnel, find a Roman and forgive him for his sins. Why can't they understand that there is more than one God and that the Roman Empire is stronger than any Christian in the Empire. One day we shall be rid of them and the Romans will rule the Empire without any resistance! Who needs forgiveness from them anyway? I will go back to playing Grand Theft Chariot III on the Playstation CLVII now. Time to go to the local baths to see if there are any great looking girls to pull tonight. Edgyus Maximus IIIrd.

1066AD - Dearum et Diary, The invasion was successful, but the celts still resist. Soon William, the Conquerer of Great Britannia will be known as the first true King of England, and will strike fear into the hearts of royals all over Europia. Some person, going by the name of Nintendonium, has released William's Conker challenge on the Ultronium Entertanium systonium. I haven't had a chance to play it yet, but I have heard that it is almost as good as playing the real thing! The only trouble is, the real thing is boring. I much prefer running my sword through a few Cornish peasants than playing with conkers. It is almost an insult to the King of England to release such a game! I wonder if my ancestors ever had problems like these? Edgy of the 37th battalion.

1874AD - In this day and age, games machines have become much more complex. They now run on steam and have the ability to process images onto a screen with the aid of some film and a light projector. They're not very interactive, but are entertaining nonetheless. I am thinking of attempting to create a games machine that works on a fully interactive basis. So far, hopscotch is the best I can think of, which is quite pathetic really. Never mind, I predict that one day, Great Britain will become a great manufacturer of games both electronic and physical, which will be a huge boost to the financial market and will keep the British Empire a powerful international nation. After all, I can't see the french getting there first, can you? Edgy, Fincancial Minister of Edutainment.

1942AD - Dear Diary, That damn Adolf Hitler has done it again! He has created new technology that allows himself to command his armies from the seat of his own home! He calls this system "Command et Conquer". He commands the armies with the aid of a large pointy stick and a screen, and attempts to conquer the European nations. The United Kingdom of Great Britain will not let this continue. We must steal this technology and use it against the Nazis finishing them off once and for all! I just hope Neumann hurries up in US intelligence with his new super computer so that we can do the same. Edgy, Commander of the British Cowards Society.

1990AD - Dear Diary, Again, my parents wouldn't listen to me when I asked for a Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas. I told them that it is better than the ZX Spectrum but would they listen? They say I'm too young for games and should be out in the garden playing with my brother. Maybe one christmas I will be lucky and will get one, but for now, I will have to continue enjoying my Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles sponge figures and watch the Super Mario Bros cartoons that GMTV play in the school holidays. I am still wondering how I learnt to write so well. I am only five years old! Intriguing! Edgy.

Present Day - Dear Diary, I have never kept a diary before and probably never will again. I decided to try to come up with something new just for the fun of it. I have got a cold and typing something like this can only cheer me up whilst the knowledge of my long working hours tries to pull me down again. No doubt this will endure extreme criticism and someone will believe this to be real, but I don't mind, after all, I did this for me, not them. Anyway, seeing as this is my first and last diary entry and I am posting it online, I will stay clear of mentioning my fantasies of 'that lesbian from Buffy the Vampire Slayer', Alyson Hannigan...and wont mention what I ate for breakfast as I am sure no one wants to know about that toast and raspberry jam. I am planning on getting an X-box soon, but first of all I will make sure I get Starfox Adventures on the GameCube. Edgy.

So there we have it. I looked through my old boxes of my family's history and found these diary entrails...I mean entries. I don't know how accurate the depict history, and if the OCR want to use them in the next A-level history exams, by all means let them. All I can say is, here's the proof, videogames have been going longer than you think!
Tue 15/10/02 at 08:15
Regular
"Jags is teh l33t"
Posts: 4,074
BC= Before Consoles

AD= After Dreamcast

heh :)

good topic anyway :)
Mon 14/10/02 at 23:11
Regular
"sweats salad dressi"
Posts: 4,599
Wow, these history of gaming topics are getting popular. Good though.:D





Never enjoy anything that isn't cleaned with hamburger grease.
Mon 14/10/02 at 23:08
Regular
Posts: 15,681
Videogames have been around longer than you think! Some say they were invented in the 1970s, others say they weren't invented until people realised that Mario lost one of his shines up the backside of a Sony developer, but I know for a fact that videogames have been around a lot longer than everyone thinks? How? Because my ancient ancestors recorded it all in diaries!

5000BC - De-urgh Diary-ugh, been-ug play-ug Ugger Martin-urgh Brosug on the Ug Advance! I saved the woman-ug from the evil Sabre-tooth Ugster on level Ugug. Very tricky playug with a stick and ug stone. I can not wait urghtil some wug invents the joy-ug-stick. More ug when I get a chance. Udgy.

50BC - Dearus Diarosus, After defeating Maximus Bowsus on level XVIVM of Marius and Luigus, but am wondering whether I should have fed Empress Peachia to the lions in my last entertainment special before the Gladiator show at the Colosseum. It wasn't til it was too late that I realised that I rescued Empress Peachia in the first place from Maximus Bowsus, so all I can say is thumbs down to this game (which will result in the game being fed to the lions also). It's a shame that nobody has invented a numeric system to replace these alpha-numerals. I'm finding it difficult to keep track! Anyway, Maria Ceasus is attending a dip in the local baths later, should be very interesting. Edgyus Maximus.

57AD - Dearus Diarosus, Those pathetic Christians have failed to impress me with their game Super Preacher Brothers for the latest handheld system. It's full of people who have a fascination with some form of tiny tunnel that channels water from one place to another, similar to our current sewage systems. They repeatedly enter each tunnel, find a Roman and forgive him for his sins. Why can't they understand that there is more than one God and that the Roman Empire is stronger than any Christian in the Empire. One day we shall be rid of them and the Romans will rule the Empire without any resistance! Who needs forgiveness from them anyway? I will go back to playing Grand Theft Chariot III on the Playstation CLVII now. Time to go to the local baths to see if there are any great looking girls to pull tonight. Edgyus Maximus IIIrd.

1066AD - Dearum et Diary, The invasion was successful, but the celts still resist. Soon William, the Conquerer of Great Britannia will be known as the first true King of England, and will strike fear into the hearts of royals all over Europia. Some person, going by the name of Nintendonium, has released William's Conker challenge on the Ultronium Entertanium systonium. I haven't had a chance to play it yet, but I have heard that it is almost as good as playing the real thing! The only trouble is, the real thing is boring. I much prefer running my sword through a few Cornish peasants than playing with conkers. It is almost an insult to the King of England to release such a game! I wonder if my ancestors ever had problems like these? Edgy of the 37th battalion.

1874AD - In this day and age, games machines have become much more complex. They now run on steam and have the ability to process images onto a screen with the aid of some film and a light projector. They're not very interactive, but are entertaining nonetheless. I am thinking of attempting to create a games machine that works on a fully interactive basis. So far, hopscotch is the best I can think of, which is quite pathetic really. Never mind, I predict that one day, Great Britain will become a great manufacturer of games both electronic and physical, which will be a huge boost to the financial market and will keep the British Empire a powerful international nation. After all, I can't see the french getting there first, can you? Edgy, Fincancial Minister of Edutainment.

1942AD - Dear Diary, That damn Adolf Hitler has done it again! He has created new technology that allows himself to command his armies from the seat of his own home! He calls this system "Command et Conquer". He commands the armies with the aid of a large pointy stick and a screen, and attempts to conquer the European nations. The United Kingdom of Great Britain will not let this continue. We must steal this technology and use it against the Nazis finishing them off once and for all! I just hope Neumann hurries up in US intelligence with his new super computer so that we can do the same. Edgy, Commander of the British Cowards Society.

1990AD - Dear Diary, Again, my parents wouldn't listen to me when I asked for a Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas. I told them that it is better than the ZX Spectrum but would they listen? They say I'm too young for games and should be out in the garden playing with my brother. Maybe one christmas I will be lucky and will get one, but for now, I will have to continue enjoying my Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles sponge figures and watch the Super Mario Bros cartoons that GMTV play in the school holidays. I am still wondering how I learnt to write so well. I am only five years old! Intriguing! Edgy.

Present Day - Dear Diary, I have never kept a diary before and probably never will again. I decided to try to come up with something new just for the fun of it. I have got a cold and typing something like this can only cheer me up whilst the knowledge of my long working hours tries to pull me down again. No doubt this will endure extreme criticism and someone will believe this to be real, but I don't mind, after all, I did this for me, not them. Anyway, seeing as this is my first and last diary entry and I am posting it online, I will stay clear of mentioning my fantasies of 'that lesbian from Buffy the Vampire Slayer', Alyson Hannigan...and wont mention what I ate for breakfast as I am sure no one wants to know about that toast and raspberry jam. I am planning on getting an X-box soon, but first of all I will make sure I get Starfox Adventures on the GameCube. Edgy.

So there we have it. I looked through my old boxes of my family's history and found these diary entrails...I mean entries. I don't know how accurate the depict history, and if the OCR want to use them in the next A-level history exams, by all means let them. All I can say is, here's the proof, videogames have been going longer than you think!

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