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"The Alternate History of Videogames."

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Wed 03/04/02 at 12:01
Regular
Posts: 787
Do you think the modern video games and video game systems evolved over many years of technical research in Japanese, American and English computer companies R & D departments?
They did, but that’s not the full story.....

Many years ago, creatures from another world, (possibly looking like ALF, the fun loving alien from the American sitcom of the same name) happened to be passing by a little planet named ‘Earth’ in their fancy flying machines.
They thought the planet looked interesting, so they decided to study it for many subsequent years.

After decades of intricate research and having abducted and probed many humans (mostly trailer trash redneck Americans), they concluded that human beings just weren’t having enough fun with electrical devices.
To rectify this situation, they abducted would-be key members of the video game industry and implanted them with special ‘psychic motivators’, specifically designed to enhance their sense of fun, game software and hardware design. In short, the aliens gave the gaming pioneers of the future their skills.

From the early machines like the Atari systems, the Spectrum etc, to the 16bit SNES & Megadrive, to the N64, PSOne and beyond, they were all designed with help from the aliens.

Shigeru Miyamoto was one such ‘victim’.
Did you really think a human mind could invent the idea of an Italian plumber with a big moustache having adventures in a mushroom kingdom? Or a big hairy ape throwing barrels down a gantry at the same little plumber?
No, the idea came from the minds of aliens.
Hideo Kojima was another; those complicated storylines of the Metal Gear Solid series were definitely concocted by aliens.
And how else could you explain Rez?

As the years passed, the fun loving aliens continued to feed gaming information to certain high profile gaming individuals in the hope that video games would gradually improve.
Thankfully, because of the alien intervention into our dreary lives, video games are improving.
All the console and control pad designs have been based on alien blue prints (the Nintendo Virtual Boy and Xbox controller must have been designed when the aliens were drunk).

Top minds at Nintendo, Rare, Sega, Konami, Capcom, Square and a few others have been given information passed down from the aliens. Many third party developers haven’t had such alien implantation; that’s why many keep releasing a slew of rubbish games. 3DO’s Army Men series is a prime example.

Recently however, the aliens got a bit too far ahead of themselves and invented the Nintendo Gamecube, a machine so advanced that it outshines all the other consoles ;)

Eventually, when the aliens decide to make contact with human beings and choose to live amongst us like in ‘Alien Nation’, ‘ALF’ or ‘Mork & Mindy’, they may decide to go into the games development industry.

I wonder what gaming delights they’ve got planned for the decades to come??....


*NOTE: I’m not mad...honest.
Wed 03/04/02 at 18:10
Regular
"Wants Spymate on dv"
Posts: 3,025
unknown kernel wrote:
> If aliens invented videogames, how come, in almost every videogame, you run around shooting the hell out of...aliens? I don't think you thought this through at all. ;~)

Well, all those alien killing games were created by companies that didn't have the alien implants.I think.
Wed 03/04/02 at 15:41
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
If aliens invented videogames, how come, in almost every videogame, you run around shooting the hell out of...aliens? I don't think you thought this through at all. ;~)
Wed 03/04/02 at 12:01
Regular
"Wants Spymate on dv"
Posts: 3,025
Do you think the modern video games and video game systems evolved over many years of technical research in Japanese, American and English computer companies R & D departments?
They did, but that’s not the full story.....

Many years ago, creatures from another world, (possibly looking like ALF, the fun loving alien from the American sitcom of the same name) happened to be passing by a little planet named ‘Earth’ in their fancy flying machines.
They thought the planet looked interesting, so they decided to study it for many subsequent years.

After decades of intricate research and having abducted and probed many humans (mostly trailer trash redneck Americans), they concluded that human beings just weren’t having enough fun with electrical devices.
To rectify this situation, they abducted would-be key members of the video game industry and implanted them with special ‘psychic motivators’, specifically designed to enhance their sense of fun, game software and hardware design. In short, the aliens gave the gaming pioneers of the future their skills.

From the early machines like the Atari systems, the Spectrum etc, to the 16bit SNES & Megadrive, to the N64, PSOne and beyond, they were all designed with help from the aliens.

Shigeru Miyamoto was one such ‘victim’.
Did you really think a human mind could invent the idea of an Italian plumber with a big moustache having adventures in a mushroom kingdom? Or a big hairy ape throwing barrels down a gantry at the same little plumber?
No, the idea came from the minds of aliens.
Hideo Kojima was another; those complicated storylines of the Metal Gear Solid series were definitely concocted by aliens.
And how else could you explain Rez?

As the years passed, the fun loving aliens continued to feed gaming information to certain high profile gaming individuals in the hope that video games would gradually improve.
Thankfully, because of the alien intervention into our dreary lives, video games are improving.
All the console and control pad designs have been based on alien blue prints (the Nintendo Virtual Boy and Xbox controller must have been designed when the aliens were drunk).

Top minds at Nintendo, Rare, Sega, Konami, Capcom, Square and a few others have been given information passed down from the aliens. Many third party developers haven’t had such alien implantation; that’s why many keep releasing a slew of rubbish games. 3DO’s Army Men series is a prime example.

Recently however, the aliens got a bit too far ahead of themselves and invented the Nintendo Gamecube, a machine so advanced that it outshines all the other consoles ;)

Eventually, when the aliens decide to make contact with human beings and choose to live amongst us like in ‘Alien Nation’, ‘ALF’ or ‘Mork & Mindy’, they may decide to go into the games development industry.

I wonder what gaming delights they’ve got planned for the decades to come??....


*NOTE: I’m not mad...honest.

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