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Taken from somewhere.com
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This was just announced on none of the major news sites...
"In the last few hours, after Nintendo's Christmas game release was formally announced, the Competition Commission, days after fining Nintendo 146m euros (£92.1m) for trying to rig the game market prices between 1991 and 1998, are investigating fresh allegations concerning the Kyoto-based company.
It has come to our attention that after failing to control the market by taking an illegal control of prices, Nintendo are now controlling the market in a new, more covert approach - by making their games so damn good people just have to buy them. A glance at the future release list reveals an arsenal of games the Competition Commission classifies as "AAA" - side effects include subjection to screenshots and snippets of news from the games inducing much frothing at the mouth of viewer and generally sending them into a frenzy, with actually playing of the game causing unhealty addiction and obsessive compulsions. Upcoming top rank "AAA" titles include Mario Party 4, Animal Crossing, Eternal Darkness, (not to mention whispered rumours of Mario Kart GC), Metroid Prime, and their trump card, the top dog, the big one, the weapon of market destruction, The Legend of Zelda: Winds of Takuto.
The Competition Commission have already started the investigative process with an inquest in Nintendo's current releases, believed to be a 'tasters' of things to come in the next year. Early 'tasters' such as Pikmin and Smash Bros are being very thoroughly searched at the moment (although the playtesting seems to be a little too extensive), but it is Nintendo's potential releases that are threatening wallets everywhere. Many rumours are flying around. Conspiracy theorists have questioned the sale of Rare, saying it was a smokescreen to divert attention away from these illegal doings. Mr Gates declined to comment, because he had, and I quote "important business to attend to in Luigi's Mansi... er, I mean... my mansion". Console commentators say the infiltration of social lifes has already begun, notably with the release of Nintendo's portly plumber Mario, in Super Mario Sunshine (even Des Lynam is currently being questioned for his involvement in the scandal.)
When we quizzed our reliable 'source' in Japan, the reputable Mr Lie Ing, he confirmed that the aforementioned releases were so compellingly addictive they were bound to end the console wars. Fixing quality of games so they are unrelentingly playable is a serious offence in the eyes of parents, teachers, do-gooders and Mr. Gates, and if Nintendo are found guilty then they face another hefty fine, as well as potential prohibitive measures, such as being forced to develop Army Men games for the next 6-7 decades.
In order to avert disaster for other game companies, notably its two main rivals in the Yuletide season, Playstation 2 developers Sony and Xbox developers Microsoft, many different avenues are being explored in order to save the industry and solve a cashflow problems for parents, the most drastic of which is cancelling Christmas. The potential damage to wallets is devastating - even with Christmas coming up, the season of goodwill does not extend to handing out free games. With the Gamecube at a money-wrenching £130, there seems to be an overwhelming case against Nintendo - the Competition Commision are convinced that they are making this console 'war' unfair by releasing such brilliant titles - they haven't been released yet, but once they are, the impact on money supply and social life could be catastrophic. The investigation continues."
What do you think of that, eh? My verdict? Nintendo - guilty as charged!
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
This was just announced on none of the major news sites...
"In the last few hours, after Nintendo's Christmas game release was formally announced, the Competition Commission, days after fining Nintendo 146m euros (£92.1m) for trying to rig the game market prices between 1991 and 1998, are investigating fresh allegations concerning the Kyoto-based company.
It has come to our attention that after failing to control the market by taking an illegal control of prices, Nintendo are now controlling the market in a new, more covert approach - by making their games so damn good people just have to buy them. A glance at the future release list reveals an arsenal of games the Competition Commission classifies as "AAA" - side effects include subjection to screenshots and snippets of news from the games inducing much frothing at the mouth of viewer and generally sending them into a frenzy, with actually playing of the game causing unhealty addiction and obsessive compulsions. Upcoming top rank "AAA" titles include Mario Party 4, Animal Crossing, Eternal Darkness, (not to mention whispered rumours of Mario Kart GC), Metroid Prime, and their trump card, the top dog, the big one, the weapon of market destruction, The Legend of Zelda: Winds of Takuto.
The Competition Commission have already started the investigative process with an inquest in Nintendo's current releases, believed to be a 'tasters' of things to come in the next year. Early 'tasters' such as Pikmin and Smash Bros are being very thoroughly searched at the moment (although the playtesting seems to be a little too extensive), but it is Nintendo's potential releases that are threatening wallets everywhere. Many rumours are flying around. Conspiracy theorists have questioned the sale of Rare, saying it was a smokescreen to divert attention away from these illegal doings. Mr Gates declined to comment, because he had, and I quote "important business to attend to in Luigi's Mansi... er, I mean... my mansion". Console commentators say the infiltration of social lifes has already begun, notably with the release of Nintendo's portly plumber Mario, in Super Mario Sunshine (even Des Lynam is currently being questioned for his involvement in the scandal.)
When we quizzed our reliable 'source' in Japan, the reputable Mr Lie Ing, he confirmed that the aforementioned releases were so compellingly addictive they were bound to end the console wars. Fixing quality of games so they are unrelentingly playable is a serious offence in the eyes of parents, teachers, do-gooders and Mr. Gates, and if Nintendo are found guilty then they face another hefty fine, as well as potential prohibitive measures, such as being forced to develop Army Men games for the next 6-7 decades.
In order to avert disaster for other game companies, notably its two main rivals in the Yuletide season, Playstation 2 developers Sony and Xbox developers Microsoft, many different avenues are being explored in order to save the industry and solve a cashflow problems for parents, the most drastic of which is cancelling Christmas. The potential damage to wallets is devastating - even with Christmas coming up, the season of goodwill does not extend to handing out free games. With the Gamecube at a money-wrenching £130, there seems to be an overwhelming case against Nintendo - the Competition Commision are convinced that they are making this console 'war' unfair by releasing such brilliant titles - they haven't been released yet, but once they are, the impact on money supply and social life could be catastrophic. The investigation continues."
What do you think of that, eh? My verdict? Nintendo - guilty as charged!
Topsy and Tim go to the Doctors...
Brilliant topic mate, should win GAD!
Brilliant topic mate, should win GAD!
Give them the chair!
A solar powered chair, so it takes about half an hour
(Simpsons references rule)
A solar powered chair, so it takes about half an hour
(Simpsons references rule)
Excellent stuff there.
I understand completely. These games have reduced me to a mere shell of the teenager I once was.
Great topic once again RM.
Great topic once again RM.
"Compellingly addictive games", eh?
Confirmed by Mr Lie Ing, eh?
So they're crap, then, eh?
:-)
Confirmed by Mr Lie Ing, eh?
So they're crap, then, eh?
:-)
Guilty, I say, Guilty!
Excellent stuff. :-D
Excellent stuff. :-D
Taken from somewhere.com
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
This was just announced on none of the major news sites...
"In the last few hours, after Nintendo's Christmas game release was formally announced, the Competition Commission, days after fining Nintendo 146m euros (£92.1m) for trying to rig the game market prices between 1991 and 1998, are investigating fresh allegations concerning the Kyoto-based company.
It has come to our attention that after failing to control the market by taking an illegal control of prices, Nintendo are now controlling the market in a new, more covert approach - by making their games so damn good people just have to buy them. A glance at the future release list reveals an arsenal of games the Competition Commission classifies as "AAA" - side effects include subjection to screenshots and snippets of news from the games inducing much frothing at the mouth of viewer and generally sending them into a frenzy, with actually playing of the game causing unhealty addiction and obsessive compulsions. Upcoming top rank "AAA" titles include Mario Party 4, Animal Crossing, Eternal Darkness, (not to mention whispered rumours of Mario Kart GC), Metroid Prime, and their trump card, the top dog, the big one, the weapon of market destruction, The Legend of Zelda: Winds of Takuto.
The Competition Commission have already started the investigative process with an inquest in Nintendo's current releases, believed to be a 'tasters' of things to come in the next year. Early 'tasters' such as Pikmin and Smash Bros are being very thoroughly searched at the moment (although the playtesting seems to be a little too extensive), but it is Nintendo's potential releases that are threatening wallets everywhere. Many rumours are flying around. Conspiracy theorists have questioned the sale of Rare, saying it was a smokescreen to divert attention away from these illegal doings. Mr Gates declined to comment, because he had, and I quote "important business to attend to in Luigi's Mansi... er, I mean... my mansion". Console commentators say the infiltration of social lifes has already begun, notably with the release of Nintendo's portly plumber Mario, in Super Mario Sunshine (even Des Lynam is currently being questioned for his involvement in the scandal.)
When we quizzed our reliable 'source' in Japan, the reputable Mr Lie Ing, he confirmed that the aforementioned releases were so compellingly addictive they were bound to end the console wars. Fixing quality of games so they are unrelentingly playable is a serious offence in the eyes of parents, teachers, do-gooders and Mr. Gates, and if Nintendo are found guilty then they face another hefty fine, as well as potential prohibitive measures, such as being forced to develop Army Men games for the next 6-7 decades.
In order to avert disaster for other game companies, notably its two main rivals in the Yuletide season, Playstation 2 developers Sony and Xbox developers Microsoft, many different avenues are being explored in order to save the industry and solve a cashflow problems for parents, the most drastic of which is cancelling Christmas. The potential damage to wallets is devastating - even with Christmas coming up, the season of goodwill does not extend to handing out free games. With the Gamecube at a money-wrenching £130, there seems to be an overwhelming case against Nintendo - the Competition Commision are convinced that they are making this console 'war' unfair by releasing such brilliant titles - they haven't been released yet, but once they are, the impact on money supply and social life could be catastrophic. The investigation continues."
What do you think of that, eh? My verdict? Nintendo - guilty as charged!
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
This was just announced on none of the major news sites...
"In the last few hours, after Nintendo's Christmas game release was formally announced, the Competition Commission, days after fining Nintendo 146m euros (£92.1m) for trying to rig the game market prices between 1991 and 1998, are investigating fresh allegations concerning the Kyoto-based company.
It has come to our attention that after failing to control the market by taking an illegal control of prices, Nintendo are now controlling the market in a new, more covert approach - by making their games so damn good people just have to buy them. A glance at the future release list reveals an arsenal of games the Competition Commission classifies as "AAA" - side effects include subjection to screenshots and snippets of news from the games inducing much frothing at the mouth of viewer and generally sending them into a frenzy, with actually playing of the game causing unhealty addiction and obsessive compulsions. Upcoming top rank "AAA" titles include Mario Party 4, Animal Crossing, Eternal Darkness, (not to mention whispered rumours of Mario Kart GC), Metroid Prime, and their trump card, the top dog, the big one, the weapon of market destruction, The Legend of Zelda: Winds of Takuto.
The Competition Commission have already started the investigative process with an inquest in Nintendo's current releases, believed to be a 'tasters' of things to come in the next year. Early 'tasters' such as Pikmin and Smash Bros are being very thoroughly searched at the moment (although the playtesting seems to be a little too extensive), but it is Nintendo's potential releases that are threatening wallets everywhere. Many rumours are flying around. Conspiracy theorists have questioned the sale of Rare, saying it was a smokescreen to divert attention away from these illegal doings. Mr Gates declined to comment, because he had, and I quote "important business to attend to in Luigi's Mansi... er, I mean... my mansion". Console commentators say the infiltration of social lifes has already begun, notably with the release of Nintendo's portly plumber Mario, in Super Mario Sunshine (even Des Lynam is currently being questioned for his involvement in the scandal.)
When we quizzed our reliable 'source' in Japan, the reputable Mr Lie Ing, he confirmed that the aforementioned releases were so compellingly addictive they were bound to end the console wars. Fixing quality of games so they are unrelentingly playable is a serious offence in the eyes of parents, teachers, do-gooders and Mr. Gates, and if Nintendo are found guilty then they face another hefty fine, as well as potential prohibitive measures, such as being forced to develop Army Men games for the next 6-7 decades.
In order to avert disaster for other game companies, notably its two main rivals in the Yuletide season, Playstation 2 developers Sony and Xbox developers Microsoft, many different avenues are being explored in order to save the industry and solve a cashflow problems for parents, the most drastic of which is cancelling Christmas. The potential damage to wallets is devastating - even with Christmas coming up, the season of goodwill does not extend to handing out free games. With the Gamecube at a money-wrenching £130, there seems to be an overwhelming case against Nintendo - the Competition Commision are convinced that they are making this console 'war' unfair by releasing such brilliant titles - they haven't been released yet, but once they are, the impact on money supply and social life could be catastrophic. The investigation continues."
What do you think of that, eh? My verdict? Nintendo - guilty as charged!