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Little series I've got going - Ant's Quest for the Holy Sugar, Withsugar and Ant and Antelie - all to be found in Archive. I usually post these in Chat, but I'm scared of all the possums in there. Here we go. Enjoy.
--
DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR ANT
Ant was attempted to bowl it. He looked around. Grix, Stryke, AliBoy, RBS and Mr.Happy were doing very well at the looking cool thing. Except AliBoy, who had acquired his shades again and was winking at lampposts.
?Aright, lads?? said Ant, making another attempt to look cool. He leant on a lamppost, that turned out not to be there. He fell over.
?Right! That?s the last time you have a beer!? said Grix, without looking round.
?You?re not my father!? yelled Ant.
There was a pause. Rasta sighed, and pulled out a little book. He nudged Grix with his elbow.
?This is where you say ?I am your father.?? He whispered. Grix looked at Rasta suspiciously.
?But I?m not.?
?Doesn?t matter. It?s?wossname?artistic license.?
?What, claiming I am his father?! Shut up.?
?You?re not my father!? yelled Rasta. Grix sighed.
AliBoy winked at a letterbox. Ant shrugged and got up, opening his sugar bag.
?OH MY GO..urgh?!?
?What, the sugars gone already? But we?ve only just finished the last adventure! Mr.Happy here said we could stay at his Evil Mansion of Doom until someone came along to snick your sugar again. I rented Waterworld.? Yelled Stryke.
?OH MY GOD!? yelled Grix.
?It?s not that bad.?
?Yes it is.?
?But it?s an epic!?
?What is??
?Waterworld!?
?Oh, I was saying Oh My God because that strange Loki-shaped thing has just clubbed Ant over the head and nabbed his sugar bag.?
?Oh, fair enough. Can we go watch Waterworld now??
Mr.Happy spat on the ground.
?But I?ve just bought a treatise on the filming habits of Yugoslavia. Should be a fascinating watch.?
There was silence.
?AFTER THE SUGAR!? yelled Grix. Stryke and Rasta immediately nodded and followed. Mr.Happy shrugged and grabbed his tricycle to follow. AliBoy swished his hair back and tried to flirt with a pine cone, before running after them.
--
Ten minutes later they emerged back at Happy?s house.
?Is it really called Mansion of Doom?? asked AliBoy. He has lost his CoolShades somewhere.
?Nah, that?s just a tax dodge.?
?So what?s it really called??
?Happy?s House of Fun.?
Silence.
?Are you gay?? asked Grix, warily. They all backed off a bit. Happy grinned.
?No. But Ant might be.?
?Why do you say that??
?Well, he?s not recovered yet, and therefore cannot hit me.?
Ah. Drink??
--
A dark and deep dungeon somewhere?
?is entirely unrelated to this story.
--
Grix slapped a fist against his palm.
?Time for action, lads. This is a grave and serious decision.?
?Yeah, we?ve only got one shot at it.? Muttered Stryke.
Happy nodded, clearly tense.
Grix took a deep breath.
?WAKE UP, YOU FREAK!? yelled Grix.
Ant jerked into conciousness.
?THAT was the mighty decision? What would have happened if you hadn?t woken him up?? yelled AliBoy.
?Tried again, probably. But my vocal chords would have been slightly strained!?
?T**.?
?Where??
Ant hopped to his feet.
?Someone?s stolen my sugar!? he moaned.
?Yes, well, that?s a shame. Y?see, we can?t really be bothered to find it this time. It?s probably only some idiot trying to power his manic dog with it. We quit.? Muttered Rasta.
?Really??
?Nah. But we need you to give a heroic speech.?
Ant thought about this.
?Today, we celebrate our INDEPENDENCE??
?Nah.?
?I?d be damn proud to have you marry my daughter, AJ.?
?What? You have a daughter?? said Grix.
?No. Erm?Oh fun it, let?s get my sugar.?
?OK. Waterworld?s over anyway.? Said Happy.
?No, it?s only just starting! Loo?? began Stryke, before he got clubbed out of the door.
?What car did you rob us this time, Lana?? asked Rasta.
?A Skoda.?
?Idiot.?
Grix emerged, looking bemused.
?Is she fit??
?Who??
?Your daughter.?
?I don?t have a daughter. I?m 14.?
?But is she fit??
?I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!? yelled Ant.
?IS SHE FIT?? yelled Grix.
?Jesus Christ?listen. No. Daughter.?
?Is she. Fit??
?Daughter??
?Fit??
?Club him, Rasta.?
?Okey doke.?
--
AliBoy revved the engine.
?Vroom! VROOM!? yelled Ant.
They all looked at him. He shrugged.
?Well, someone had to. The engine?s not going to!?
?Yeah, fair point.?
?To MoJoJoJo?s Secret Island Base, and beyond!? shouted Stryke.
?Oh?Jesus. You?ve just given the plot away. And what do you mean beyond?? muttered Rasta.
?VROOM!?
?Oh shut up.? Said Grix.
?VROOM!?
?Jesus Christ!? shouted AliBoy.
?Yes?? said Grix.
--
A forbidden castle?
?also has nothing to do with this story.
A figure appears at the top.
?But I is Shaneo! I has got this castle ready and everything! Come back! I CAN BE BETTER! Please! I HAVE ISSUES! COME BAAAAAAAACKKK!!!?
--
The car slowed gradually to a halt at the beach of an island. Lush tropical trees surrounded them, and warm waves lapped at the beach. They looked around.
?Who would have thought a Skoda could fly?? said Grix admiringly.
?Yeah, these modern techno-bods are great.? Said Happy.
?Yes?Technology?? muttered Stryke. He bent under the car. ?Fly, my beauties, FLY!?
Some pixies emerged and buzzed off into the distance.
?Wow, you really do have pixies!? said Happy. Stryke looked about confused.
?Erm, I was talking to the wheels.?
?Yes?.so was I?.? Said Rasta.
--
Inside the Secret Island Base?
?a washing machine broke down.
?Damn.? Said MoJoJoJo. ?There goes my best Evil Suit. DWAYNE! Oh for Pete?s sake. Where is the butler??
--
They kicked open the Door.
?Damn, it?s a revolving do..? Rasta got sucked into the internal mechanisms and was never seen again.
?Wow, that?s never happened before!? exclaimed Grix.
?Yeah, well, there were too many characters, and there?s budget cuts.?
?Is that why they?ve rehired Snuggly and Loki?? asked Stryke.
?OH! You?ve gone and revealed the plot AGAIN! Go and sit in the corner!? yelled Ant.
?I know you are, but what am I??
?What??
?I don?t know. I?m emotionally empty.?
They kept on creeping.
?YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE!? boomed a voice. ?I AM EVERYWHERE! MUAHAHA!?
?Erm, you?re behind the sofa.?
Loki looked around. ? Oh Damn, not again. Snuggleeeeeeeeeeee!?
A furry thing popped out of the sofa. ?Yes??
?We?ve been caught.?
?The Inland Revenue are here? No, I won?t go back!?
Snuggly dived out a window. Loki looked after him.
?Strange bloke. No teeth, y?know. Anyway, what do you blokes want? I?m a very busy man.?
?You are??
?No, not really.?
?Right. We want Ant?s sugar back, and a fight with MoJoJoJo that will result in a triumph for us.?
?Yes, I think I can arrange that. Can you do 10:30 tomorrow??
?No! We are here now!?
?Well, MoJoJoJo is a very busy man.?
?You?re lying.?
?Sorry.?
?BOO!? yelled AliBoy.
?What did you want to go and do that for? I damn near soiled myself!? yelled Loki.
They walked past Loki, who shrugged and went back to Site Bugs. He shuddered first.
--
They emerged in an antechamber to see MoJoJoJo sitting with his back facing them.
?Hello, Mr Bond. I?ll never talk.?
They looked at each other.
?Oi, Jo! Over here!?
Mojojojo turned round and squeaked.
?Ah, how did you get past the crack security??
?Do you mean Loki??
?That?s the chap.?
?Right. Give me back my sugar, and it?ll all be OK.?
?It?s kind of manky. You sure you want it??
?Yes, I?m sure I want it!?
?OK then. Play you for it??
Then Grix, AliBoy and Happy grabbed MoJoJoJo and chucked him in a paddle-pool.
?Guys! It?s, like, 1 foot deep! Sure you couldn?t have managed anything different??
But they had gone.
?I?ll be back! You?ll see. You?ll all see!? he laughed. Manically.
? Afraid you won?t, mate. Hollywood just ain?t the place for you. Neither?s here, actually.? Said a director.
?But??
?Get out.?
--
?All?s well that ends well, eh?? said Stryke, and they all downed their pints. Except Ant, who had passed out at the smell alcohol.
?Ever wondered why people always steal Ant?s sugar?? asked AliBoy.
?Best sort of nuclear energy in the multiverse, ain?t it??
?Ah, that?s the one.?
THE END.
Ant will return, when his mum decides to let him out to play.
--
DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR ANT
Ant was attempted to bowl it. He looked around. Grix, Stryke, AliBoy, RBS and Mr.Happy were doing very well at the looking cool thing. Except AliBoy, who had acquired his shades again and was winking at lampposts.
?Aright, lads?? said Ant, making another attempt to look cool. He leant on a lamppost, that turned out not to be there. He fell over.
?Right! That?s the last time you have a beer!? said Grix, without looking round.
?You?re not my father!? yelled Ant.
There was a pause. Rasta sighed, and pulled out a little book. He nudged Grix with his elbow.
?This is where you say ?I am your father.?? He whispered. Grix looked at Rasta suspiciously.
?But I?m not.?
?Doesn?t matter. It?s?wossname?artistic license.?
?What, claiming I am his father?! Shut up.?
?You?re not my father!? yelled Rasta. Grix sighed.
AliBoy winked at a letterbox. Ant shrugged and got up, opening his sugar bag.
?OH MY GO..urgh?!?
?What, the sugars gone already? But we?ve only just finished the last adventure! Mr.Happy here said we could stay at his Evil Mansion of Doom until someone came along to snick your sugar again. I rented Waterworld.? Yelled Stryke.
?OH MY GOD!? yelled Grix.
?It?s not that bad.?
?Yes it is.?
?But it?s an epic!?
?What is??
?Waterworld!?
?Oh, I was saying Oh My God because that strange Loki-shaped thing has just clubbed Ant over the head and nabbed his sugar bag.?
?Oh, fair enough. Can we go watch Waterworld now??
Mr.Happy spat on the ground.
?But I?ve just bought a treatise on the filming habits of Yugoslavia. Should be a fascinating watch.?
There was silence.
?AFTER THE SUGAR!? yelled Grix. Stryke and Rasta immediately nodded and followed. Mr.Happy shrugged and grabbed his tricycle to follow. AliBoy swished his hair back and tried to flirt with a pine cone, before running after them.
--
Ten minutes later they emerged back at Happy?s house.
?Is it really called Mansion of Doom?? asked AliBoy. He has lost his CoolShades somewhere.
?Nah, that?s just a tax dodge.?
?So what?s it really called??
?Happy?s House of Fun.?
Silence.
?Are you gay?? asked Grix, warily. They all backed off a bit. Happy grinned.
?No. But Ant might be.?
?Why do you say that??
?Well, he?s not recovered yet, and therefore cannot hit me.?
Ah. Drink??
--
A dark and deep dungeon somewhere?
?is entirely unrelated to this story.
--
Grix slapped a fist against his palm.
?Time for action, lads. This is a grave and serious decision.?
?Yeah, we?ve only got one shot at it.? Muttered Stryke.
Happy nodded, clearly tense.
Grix took a deep breath.
?WAKE UP, YOU FREAK!? yelled Grix.
Ant jerked into conciousness.
?THAT was the mighty decision? What would have happened if you hadn?t woken him up?? yelled AliBoy.
?Tried again, probably. But my vocal chords would have been slightly strained!?
?T**.?
?Where??
Ant hopped to his feet.
?Someone?s stolen my sugar!? he moaned.
?Yes, well, that?s a shame. Y?see, we can?t really be bothered to find it this time. It?s probably only some idiot trying to power his manic dog with it. We quit.? Muttered Rasta.
?Really??
?Nah. But we need you to give a heroic speech.?
Ant thought about this.
?Today, we celebrate our INDEPENDENCE??
?Nah.?
?I?d be damn proud to have you marry my daughter, AJ.?
?What? You have a daughter?? said Grix.
?No. Erm?Oh fun it, let?s get my sugar.?
?OK. Waterworld?s over anyway.? Said Happy.
?No, it?s only just starting! Loo?? began Stryke, before he got clubbed out of the door.
?What car did you rob us this time, Lana?? asked Rasta.
?A Skoda.?
?Idiot.?
Grix emerged, looking bemused.
?Is she fit??
?Who??
?Your daughter.?
?I don?t have a daughter. I?m 14.?
?But is she fit??
?I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!? yelled Ant.
?IS SHE FIT?? yelled Grix.
?Jesus Christ?listen. No. Daughter.?
?Is she. Fit??
?Daughter??
?Fit??
?Club him, Rasta.?
?Okey doke.?
--
AliBoy revved the engine.
?Vroom! VROOM!? yelled Ant.
They all looked at him. He shrugged.
?Well, someone had to. The engine?s not going to!?
?Yeah, fair point.?
?To MoJoJoJo?s Secret Island Base, and beyond!? shouted Stryke.
?Oh?Jesus. You?ve just given the plot away. And what do you mean beyond?? muttered Rasta.
?VROOM!?
?Oh shut up.? Said Grix.
?VROOM!?
?Jesus Christ!? shouted AliBoy.
?Yes?? said Grix.
--
A forbidden castle?
?also has nothing to do with this story.
A figure appears at the top.
?But I is Shaneo! I has got this castle ready and everything! Come back! I CAN BE BETTER! Please! I HAVE ISSUES! COME BAAAAAAAACKKK!!!?
--
The car slowed gradually to a halt at the beach of an island. Lush tropical trees surrounded them, and warm waves lapped at the beach. They looked around.
?Who would have thought a Skoda could fly?? said Grix admiringly.
?Yeah, these modern techno-bods are great.? Said Happy.
?Yes?Technology?? muttered Stryke. He bent under the car. ?Fly, my beauties, FLY!?
Some pixies emerged and buzzed off into the distance.
?Wow, you really do have pixies!? said Happy. Stryke looked about confused.
?Erm, I was talking to the wheels.?
?Yes?.so was I?.? Said Rasta.
--
Inside the Secret Island Base?
?a washing machine broke down.
?Damn.? Said MoJoJoJo. ?There goes my best Evil Suit. DWAYNE! Oh for Pete?s sake. Where is the butler??
--
They kicked open the Door.
?Damn, it?s a revolving do..? Rasta got sucked into the internal mechanisms and was never seen again.
?Wow, that?s never happened before!? exclaimed Grix.
?Yeah, well, there were too many characters, and there?s budget cuts.?
?Is that why they?ve rehired Snuggly and Loki?? asked Stryke.
?OH! You?ve gone and revealed the plot AGAIN! Go and sit in the corner!? yelled Ant.
?I know you are, but what am I??
?What??
?I don?t know. I?m emotionally empty.?
They kept on creeping.
?YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE!? boomed a voice. ?I AM EVERYWHERE! MUAHAHA!?
?Erm, you?re behind the sofa.?
Loki looked around. ? Oh Damn, not again. Snuggleeeeeeeeeeee!?
A furry thing popped out of the sofa. ?Yes??
?We?ve been caught.?
?The Inland Revenue are here? No, I won?t go back!?
Snuggly dived out a window. Loki looked after him.
?Strange bloke. No teeth, y?know. Anyway, what do you blokes want? I?m a very busy man.?
?You are??
?No, not really.?
?Right. We want Ant?s sugar back, and a fight with MoJoJoJo that will result in a triumph for us.?
?Yes, I think I can arrange that. Can you do 10:30 tomorrow??
?No! We are here now!?
?Well, MoJoJoJo is a very busy man.?
?You?re lying.?
?Sorry.?
?BOO!? yelled AliBoy.
?What did you want to go and do that for? I damn near soiled myself!? yelled Loki.
They walked past Loki, who shrugged and went back to Site Bugs. He shuddered first.
--
They emerged in an antechamber to see MoJoJoJo sitting with his back facing them.
?Hello, Mr Bond. I?ll never talk.?
They looked at each other.
?Oi, Jo! Over here!?
Mojojojo turned round and squeaked.
?Ah, how did you get past the crack security??
?Do you mean Loki??
?That?s the chap.?
?Right. Give me back my sugar, and it?ll all be OK.?
?It?s kind of manky. You sure you want it??
?Yes, I?m sure I want it!?
?OK then. Play you for it??
Then Grix, AliBoy and Happy grabbed MoJoJoJo and chucked him in a paddle-pool.
?Guys! It?s, like, 1 foot deep! Sure you couldn?t have managed anything different??
But they had gone.
?I?ll be back! You?ll see. You?ll all see!? he laughed. Manically.
? Afraid you won?t, mate. Hollywood just ain?t the place for you. Neither?s here, actually.? Said a director.
?But??
?Get out.?
--
?All?s well that ends well, eh?? said Stryke, and they all downed their pints. Except Ant, who had passed out at the smell alcohol.
?Ever wondered why people always steal Ant?s sugar?? asked AliBoy.
?Best sort of nuclear energy in the multiverse, ain?t it??
?Ah, that?s the one.?
THE END.
Ant will return, when his mum decides to let him out to play.
More, I want more. Write more silly stories that I star in Stryke. Do it, do it now!
Also Aliboys diary needs more. You know what needs to be done.
Anyway your funny stories are very good and I like them. keep it up
Also Aliboys diary needs more. You know what needs to be done.
Anyway your funny stories are very good and I like them. keep it up
Ok then, but it was weird how they didn't do it in the last sentence.
:-)
:-)
Nah, it's a line from Armageddeon.
And SR DID THE Q MARKS, NOT ME!
And SR DID THE Q MARKS, NOT ME!
I?m not impressed with all of those questions that were there for no reason.
I don?t know why you did it, and I don?t like you for it.
:?... I mean :D
Still, on a higher note, that was very good, and I noticed AJ in it at one bit, but I don't think that was me. Enlightne me if it was, please.
:-)
I don?t know why you did it, and I don?t like you for it.
:?... I mean :D
Still, on a higher note, that was very good, and I noticed AJ in it at one bit, but I don't think that was me. Enlightne me if it was, please.
:-)
Yeah I was about to reply saying
"What's with the question marks?"
If you haven't already, ask on the SR forum
"What's with the question marks?"
If you haven't already, ask on the SR forum
What the fun? It's turned all the speech marks into ?'s?! Damn.
Little series I've got going - Ant's Quest for the Holy Sugar, Withsugar and Ant and Antelie - all to be found in Archive. I usually post these in Chat, but I'm scared of all the possums in there. Here we go. Enjoy.
--
DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR ANT
Ant was attempted to bowl it. He looked around. Grix, Stryke, AliBoy, RBS and Mr.Happy were doing very well at the looking cool thing. Except AliBoy, who had acquired his shades again and was winking at lampposts.
?Aright, lads?? said Ant, making another attempt to look cool. He leant on a lamppost, that turned out not to be there. He fell over.
?Right! That?s the last time you have a beer!? said Grix, without looking round.
?You?re not my father!? yelled Ant.
There was a pause. Rasta sighed, and pulled out a little book. He nudged Grix with his elbow.
?This is where you say ?I am your father.?? He whispered. Grix looked at Rasta suspiciously.
?But I?m not.?
?Doesn?t matter. It?s?wossname?artistic license.?
?What, claiming I am his father?! Shut up.?
?You?re not my father!? yelled Rasta. Grix sighed.
AliBoy winked at a letterbox. Ant shrugged and got up, opening his sugar bag.
?OH MY GO..urgh?!?
?What, the sugars gone already? But we?ve only just finished the last adventure! Mr.Happy here said we could stay at his Evil Mansion of Doom until someone came along to snick your sugar again. I rented Waterworld.? Yelled Stryke.
?OH MY GOD!? yelled Grix.
?It?s not that bad.?
?Yes it is.?
?But it?s an epic!?
?What is??
?Waterworld!?
?Oh, I was saying Oh My God because that strange Loki-shaped thing has just clubbed Ant over the head and nabbed his sugar bag.?
?Oh, fair enough. Can we go watch Waterworld now??
Mr.Happy spat on the ground.
?But I?ve just bought a treatise on the filming habits of Yugoslavia. Should be a fascinating watch.?
There was silence.
?AFTER THE SUGAR!? yelled Grix. Stryke and Rasta immediately nodded and followed. Mr.Happy shrugged and grabbed his tricycle to follow. AliBoy swished his hair back and tried to flirt with a pine cone, before running after them.
--
Ten minutes later they emerged back at Happy?s house.
?Is it really called Mansion of Doom?? asked AliBoy. He has lost his CoolShades somewhere.
?Nah, that?s just a tax dodge.?
?So what?s it really called??
?Happy?s House of Fun.?
Silence.
?Are you gay?? asked Grix, warily. They all backed off a bit. Happy grinned.
?No. But Ant might be.?
?Why do you say that??
?Well, he?s not recovered yet, and therefore cannot hit me.?
Ah. Drink??
--
A dark and deep dungeon somewhere?
?is entirely unrelated to this story.
--
Grix slapped a fist against his palm.
?Time for action, lads. This is a grave and serious decision.?
?Yeah, we?ve only got one shot at it.? Muttered Stryke.
Happy nodded, clearly tense.
Grix took a deep breath.
?WAKE UP, YOU FREAK!? yelled Grix.
Ant jerked into conciousness.
?THAT was the mighty decision? What would have happened if you hadn?t woken him up?? yelled AliBoy.
?Tried again, probably. But my vocal chords would have been slightly strained!?
?T**.?
?Where??
Ant hopped to his feet.
?Someone?s stolen my sugar!? he moaned.
?Yes, well, that?s a shame. Y?see, we can?t really be bothered to find it this time. It?s probably only some idiot trying to power his manic dog with it. We quit.? Muttered Rasta.
?Really??
?Nah. But we need you to give a heroic speech.?
Ant thought about this.
?Today, we celebrate our INDEPENDENCE??
?Nah.?
?I?d be damn proud to have you marry my daughter, AJ.?
?What? You have a daughter?? said Grix.
?No. Erm?Oh fun it, let?s get my sugar.?
?OK. Waterworld?s over anyway.? Said Happy.
?No, it?s only just starting! Loo?? began Stryke, before he got clubbed out of the door.
?What car did you rob us this time, Lana?? asked Rasta.
?A Skoda.?
?Idiot.?
Grix emerged, looking bemused.
?Is she fit??
?Who??
?Your daughter.?
?I don?t have a daughter. I?m 14.?
?But is she fit??
?I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!? yelled Ant.
?IS SHE FIT?? yelled Grix.
?Jesus Christ?listen. No. Daughter.?
?Is she. Fit??
?Daughter??
?Fit??
?Club him, Rasta.?
?Okey doke.?
--
AliBoy revved the engine.
?Vroom! VROOM!? yelled Ant.
They all looked at him. He shrugged.
?Well, someone had to. The engine?s not going to!?
?Yeah, fair point.?
?To MoJoJoJo?s Secret Island Base, and beyond!? shouted Stryke.
?Oh?Jesus. You?ve just given the plot away. And what do you mean beyond?? muttered Rasta.
?VROOM!?
?Oh shut up.? Said Grix.
?VROOM!?
?Jesus Christ!? shouted AliBoy.
?Yes?? said Grix.
--
A forbidden castle?
?also has nothing to do with this story.
A figure appears at the top.
?But I is Shaneo! I has got this castle ready and everything! Come back! I CAN BE BETTER! Please! I HAVE ISSUES! COME BAAAAAAAACKKK!!!?
--
The car slowed gradually to a halt at the beach of an island. Lush tropical trees surrounded them, and warm waves lapped at the beach. They looked around.
?Who would have thought a Skoda could fly?? said Grix admiringly.
?Yeah, these modern techno-bods are great.? Said Happy.
?Yes?Technology?? muttered Stryke. He bent under the car. ?Fly, my beauties, FLY!?
Some pixies emerged and buzzed off into the distance.
?Wow, you really do have pixies!? said Happy. Stryke looked about confused.
?Erm, I was talking to the wheels.?
?Yes?.so was I?.? Said Rasta.
--
Inside the Secret Island Base?
?a washing machine broke down.
?Damn.? Said MoJoJoJo. ?There goes my best Evil Suit. DWAYNE! Oh for Pete?s sake. Where is the butler??
--
They kicked open the Door.
?Damn, it?s a revolving do..? Rasta got sucked into the internal mechanisms and was never seen again.
?Wow, that?s never happened before!? exclaimed Grix.
?Yeah, well, there were too many characters, and there?s budget cuts.?
?Is that why they?ve rehired Snuggly and Loki?? asked Stryke.
?OH! You?ve gone and revealed the plot AGAIN! Go and sit in the corner!? yelled Ant.
?I know you are, but what am I??
?What??
?I don?t know. I?m emotionally empty.?
They kept on creeping.
?YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE!? boomed a voice. ?I AM EVERYWHERE! MUAHAHA!?
?Erm, you?re behind the sofa.?
Loki looked around. ? Oh Damn, not again. Snuggleeeeeeeeeeee!?
A furry thing popped out of the sofa. ?Yes??
?We?ve been caught.?
?The Inland Revenue are here? No, I won?t go back!?
Snuggly dived out a window. Loki looked after him.
?Strange bloke. No teeth, y?know. Anyway, what do you blokes want? I?m a very busy man.?
?You are??
?No, not really.?
?Right. We want Ant?s sugar back, and a fight with MoJoJoJo that will result in a triumph for us.?
?Yes, I think I can arrange that. Can you do 10:30 tomorrow??
?No! We are here now!?
?Well, MoJoJoJo is a very busy man.?
?You?re lying.?
?Sorry.?
?BOO!? yelled AliBoy.
?What did you want to go and do that for? I damn near soiled myself!? yelled Loki.
They walked past Loki, who shrugged and went back to Site Bugs. He shuddered first.
--
They emerged in an antechamber to see MoJoJoJo sitting with his back facing them.
?Hello, Mr Bond. I?ll never talk.?
They looked at each other.
?Oi, Jo! Over here!?
Mojojojo turned round and squeaked.
?Ah, how did you get past the crack security??
?Do you mean Loki??
?That?s the chap.?
?Right. Give me back my sugar, and it?ll all be OK.?
?It?s kind of manky. You sure you want it??
?Yes, I?m sure I want it!?
?OK then. Play you for it??
Then Grix, AliBoy and Happy grabbed MoJoJoJo and chucked him in a paddle-pool.
?Guys! It?s, like, 1 foot deep! Sure you couldn?t have managed anything different??
But they had gone.
?I?ll be back! You?ll see. You?ll all see!? he laughed. Manically.
? Afraid you won?t, mate. Hollywood just ain?t the place for you. Neither?s here, actually.? Said a director.
?But??
?Get out.?
--
?All?s well that ends well, eh?? said Stryke, and they all downed their pints. Except Ant, who had passed out at the smell alcohol.
?Ever wondered why people always steal Ant?s sugar?? asked AliBoy.
?Best sort of nuclear energy in the multiverse, ain?t it??
?Ah, that?s the one.?
THE END.
Ant will return, when his mum decides to let him out to play.
--
DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR ANT
Ant was attempted to bowl it. He looked around. Grix, Stryke, AliBoy, RBS and Mr.Happy were doing very well at the looking cool thing. Except AliBoy, who had acquired his shades again and was winking at lampposts.
?Aright, lads?? said Ant, making another attempt to look cool. He leant on a lamppost, that turned out not to be there. He fell over.
?Right! That?s the last time you have a beer!? said Grix, without looking round.
?You?re not my father!? yelled Ant.
There was a pause. Rasta sighed, and pulled out a little book. He nudged Grix with his elbow.
?This is where you say ?I am your father.?? He whispered. Grix looked at Rasta suspiciously.
?But I?m not.?
?Doesn?t matter. It?s?wossname?artistic license.?
?What, claiming I am his father?! Shut up.?
?You?re not my father!? yelled Rasta. Grix sighed.
AliBoy winked at a letterbox. Ant shrugged and got up, opening his sugar bag.
?OH MY GO..urgh?!?
?What, the sugars gone already? But we?ve only just finished the last adventure! Mr.Happy here said we could stay at his Evil Mansion of Doom until someone came along to snick your sugar again. I rented Waterworld.? Yelled Stryke.
?OH MY GOD!? yelled Grix.
?It?s not that bad.?
?Yes it is.?
?But it?s an epic!?
?What is??
?Waterworld!?
?Oh, I was saying Oh My God because that strange Loki-shaped thing has just clubbed Ant over the head and nabbed his sugar bag.?
?Oh, fair enough. Can we go watch Waterworld now??
Mr.Happy spat on the ground.
?But I?ve just bought a treatise on the filming habits of Yugoslavia. Should be a fascinating watch.?
There was silence.
?AFTER THE SUGAR!? yelled Grix. Stryke and Rasta immediately nodded and followed. Mr.Happy shrugged and grabbed his tricycle to follow. AliBoy swished his hair back and tried to flirt with a pine cone, before running after them.
--
Ten minutes later they emerged back at Happy?s house.
?Is it really called Mansion of Doom?? asked AliBoy. He has lost his CoolShades somewhere.
?Nah, that?s just a tax dodge.?
?So what?s it really called??
?Happy?s House of Fun.?
Silence.
?Are you gay?? asked Grix, warily. They all backed off a bit. Happy grinned.
?No. But Ant might be.?
?Why do you say that??
?Well, he?s not recovered yet, and therefore cannot hit me.?
Ah. Drink??
--
A dark and deep dungeon somewhere?
?is entirely unrelated to this story.
--
Grix slapped a fist against his palm.
?Time for action, lads. This is a grave and serious decision.?
?Yeah, we?ve only got one shot at it.? Muttered Stryke.
Happy nodded, clearly tense.
Grix took a deep breath.
?WAKE UP, YOU FREAK!? yelled Grix.
Ant jerked into conciousness.
?THAT was the mighty decision? What would have happened if you hadn?t woken him up?? yelled AliBoy.
?Tried again, probably. But my vocal chords would have been slightly strained!?
?T**.?
?Where??
Ant hopped to his feet.
?Someone?s stolen my sugar!? he moaned.
?Yes, well, that?s a shame. Y?see, we can?t really be bothered to find it this time. It?s probably only some idiot trying to power his manic dog with it. We quit.? Muttered Rasta.
?Really??
?Nah. But we need you to give a heroic speech.?
Ant thought about this.
?Today, we celebrate our INDEPENDENCE??
?Nah.?
?I?d be damn proud to have you marry my daughter, AJ.?
?What? You have a daughter?? said Grix.
?No. Erm?Oh fun it, let?s get my sugar.?
?OK. Waterworld?s over anyway.? Said Happy.
?No, it?s only just starting! Loo?? began Stryke, before he got clubbed out of the door.
?What car did you rob us this time, Lana?? asked Rasta.
?A Skoda.?
?Idiot.?
Grix emerged, looking bemused.
?Is she fit??
?Who??
?Your daughter.?
?I don?t have a daughter. I?m 14.?
?But is she fit??
?I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!? yelled Ant.
?IS SHE FIT?? yelled Grix.
?Jesus Christ?listen. No. Daughter.?
?Is she. Fit??
?Daughter??
?Fit??
?Club him, Rasta.?
?Okey doke.?
--
AliBoy revved the engine.
?Vroom! VROOM!? yelled Ant.
They all looked at him. He shrugged.
?Well, someone had to. The engine?s not going to!?
?Yeah, fair point.?
?To MoJoJoJo?s Secret Island Base, and beyond!? shouted Stryke.
?Oh?Jesus. You?ve just given the plot away. And what do you mean beyond?? muttered Rasta.
?VROOM!?
?Oh shut up.? Said Grix.
?VROOM!?
?Jesus Christ!? shouted AliBoy.
?Yes?? said Grix.
--
A forbidden castle?
?also has nothing to do with this story.
A figure appears at the top.
?But I is Shaneo! I has got this castle ready and everything! Come back! I CAN BE BETTER! Please! I HAVE ISSUES! COME BAAAAAAAACKKK!!!?
--
The car slowed gradually to a halt at the beach of an island. Lush tropical trees surrounded them, and warm waves lapped at the beach. They looked around.
?Who would have thought a Skoda could fly?? said Grix admiringly.
?Yeah, these modern techno-bods are great.? Said Happy.
?Yes?Technology?? muttered Stryke. He bent under the car. ?Fly, my beauties, FLY!?
Some pixies emerged and buzzed off into the distance.
?Wow, you really do have pixies!? said Happy. Stryke looked about confused.
?Erm, I was talking to the wheels.?
?Yes?.so was I?.? Said Rasta.
--
Inside the Secret Island Base?
?a washing machine broke down.
?Damn.? Said MoJoJoJo. ?There goes my best Evil Suit. DWAYNE! Oh for Pete?s sake. Where is the butler??
--
They kicked open the Door.
?Damn, it?s a revolving do..? Rasta got sucked into the internal mechanisms and was never seen again.
?Wow, that?s never happened before!? exclaimed Grix.
?Yeah, well, there were too many characters, and there?s budget cuts.?
?Is that why they?ve rehired Snuggly and Loki?? asked Stryke.
?OH! You?ve gone and revealed the plot AGAIN! Go and sit in the corner!? yelled Ant.
?I know you are, but what am I??
?What??
?I don?t know. I?m emotionally empty.?
They kept on creeping.
?YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE!? boomed a voice. ?I AM EVERYWHERE! MUAHAHA!?
?Erm, you?re behind the sofa.?
Loki looked around. ? Oh Damn, not again. Snuggleeeeeeeeeeee!?
A furry thing popped out of the sofa. ?Yes??
?We?ve been caught.?
?The Inland Revenue are here? No, I won?t go back!?
Snuggly dived out a window. Loki looked after him.
?Strange bloke. No teeth, y?know. Anyway, what do you blokes want? I?m a very busy man.?
?You are??
?No, not really.?
?Right. We want Ant?s sugar back, and a fight with MoJoJoJo that will result in a triumph for us.?
?Yes, I think I can arrange that. Can you do 10:30 tomorrow??
?No! We are here now!?
?Well, MoJoJoJo is a very busy man.?
?You?re lying.?
?Sorry.?
?BOO!? yelled AliBoy.
?What did you want to go and do that for? I damn near soiled myself!? yelled Loki.
They walked past Loki, who shrugged and went back to Site Bugs. He shuddered first.
--
They emerged in an antechamber to see MoJoJoJo sitting with his back facing them.
?Hello, Mr Bond. I?ll never talk.?
They looked at each other.
?Oi, Jo! Over here!?
Mojojojo turned round and squeaked.
?Ah, how did you get past the crack security??
?Do you mean Loki??
?That?s the chap.?
?Right. Give me back my sugar, and it?ll all be OK.?
?It?s kind of manky. You sure you want it??
?Yes, I?m sure I want it!?
?OK then. Play you for it??
Then Grix, AliBoy and Happy grabbed MoJoJoJo and chucked him in a paddle-pool.
?Guys! It?s, like, 1 foot deep! Sure you couldn?t have managed anything different??
But they had gone.
?I?ll be back! You?ll see. You?ll all see!? he laughed. Manically.
? Afraid you won?t, mate. Hollywood just ain?t the place for you. Neither?s here, actually.? Said a director.
?But??
?Get out.?
--
?All?s well that ends well, eh?? said Stryke, and they all downed their pints. Except Ant, who had passed out at the smell alcohol.
?Ever wondered why people always steal Ant?s sugar?? asked AliBoy.
?Best sort of nuclear energy in the multiverse, ain?t it??
?Ah, that?s the one.?
THE END.
Ant will return, when his mum decides to let him out to play.