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Monday -
He signs up, spending a good ten minutes picking his name. It needs to be something which will make people notice him. READ THIS ITS GOOD is always a good name, because it's bound to make people read his stuff. Adding exclamation marks will make him seem really important, as will as many obscure letters as he can get out of his PC. After all, Wookiemonster gets away with it, and he has LOADS of GADs, so if the newbie has twice as many obscure symbols... he's bound to win twice as many GADs! It can't fail!
Obviously he won't put his real address, he's already been banned from SR before, and doesn't want them recognising him. He doesn't want them to have his address anyway, as his friend Bounty@Hunter12761 told him the government monitors the SR databases, and he doesn't want them finding his pr0n and warez. Warez rulz!!!!1111
Tuesday -
With his name a slightly different shade of red, he's bound to get more respect than those stoo-pad JAT kids. He's now an elite member of the forums, much better than the purple, yellow or green people! Time to make his first review. Too much effort to write his own, he's sure no-one will notice if he takes one from one of the many websites he gets his "insider information" about GTA4 and the PS3. Failing that, another SR member's reviews are good enough. To avoid being caught, he adds "This game roxorz" at the end, and puts it as a review for the PS2 version of the game, not the nerdy X-Box or kiddy GameCube one. The stoo-pad staff will never notice, he thinks, and the other SR users won't grass him up - they're all brothers in arms against the evil, government run Special Reserve. Special Reserve suxorz!!!!111
Wednesday -
The GAD lists haven't been updated, but he's not worried. He's sure his twenty emails every half hour to SR asking them why they're not up yet will speed up the process, and maybe even win him a GAD since it shows how interested he is! Adding "i love u" to the emails makes him think the win is in the bag. They're updated at 11am, but he hasn't won. What an outrage! Off to the SR site bugs and customer service forum he goes, to give them a piece of his mind!
"why u not give me the gad, I copied that review all by myself!!!1111 if you no give me the gad, me not shop at crappy sr enymor!!!11 staff, you suxorz for not giving me the gad me not like u"
That's bound to make them realise what a talented young writer he is, and the GADs will soon start rolling in. He knows they're just joking when they reply, threatening to ban him.
Thursday -
His previous attempt at winning GAD failed, but he KNOWS he'll win this time. He sees you can win by posting cheats, so off he goes to copy some from his favourite websites. Well, it appears they've already been posted on SR, but that's OK, those stoo-pad SR staff won't notice! They'll see his five cheats deserve to beat all the lengthy walkthroughs! Hmm, he can't find any more cheats... ah well, he can just make them up. Let's see... press circle and R2 for exactly 3.11122 seconds, while tapping square and counting backwards from a hundred will give you the flying squirrel car in GTA3. Holding triangle, tapping R1 in tune to YMCA by the Village People and touching your nose with your tongue will make you turn into the Incredible Hulk on TimeSplitters 2. Yep, those'll do. The stoo-pad SR staff will never bother to check them, and the GAD is in the bag! SR staff suxorz!!!!111
A few hints will help, stuff like "Press circle to shoot" and "Don't die" are bound to be helpful to all the stupid people out there who haven't haxorz their PS2 so they can skip right to the ending of all their games.
Friday -
Despite being told by the other users that they're not going to update the lists today, he continues with his posts on the SR forum, making a new one every ten minutes to ask if they've been updated yet. He's a paying customer, they HAVE to be nice to him, no matter WHAT he does! Quite what he's paying for, he can't answer when asked by the SR staff, but he knows his rights! His mum is a secretary for a lawyer, and she's taught him ALL about the law! SR has to do everything he asks, otherwise he can sue them and get them on Watchdog!!!!1111
Saturday -
Snuggly is in a good mood, and the lists are updated on a Saturday… but still no win for our struggling newbie! He sends emails and phones the customer service line, telling them that they must have overlooked his hints and cheats, and that Kerrang! hasn't won his GAD3 prize fair and square! He tells them he's going to sue. They tell him to be quiet. Protests that he deserves a GAD just for being on the top 100 posters list fall on deaf ears.
It's time for extreme measures. Stealing reviews hasn't worked, neither has making up cheats and threatening the SR staff with bodily harm. It's time to go for the grand-daddy of them all, the GAD1 prize. He decides that the forums need a good console wars post, as there's only thirty of them currently in FOG chat. His will be the best, because he knows what he's talking about. The title? Well, "Console wars - which do u think is best" is perfect, and will intrigue people, so much so that they will sit and read his entire post, and reply with "u blew us away with your gun! u rule so much! u deserve 50 gads!!!"
But what to include in the post? Well, obviously he has to be as un-objective as possible, and let all those nerdy X-Box users know that their console is actually a PC in disguise. After all, he's SURE no-one has told them that before, and they'll be so shocked by it that they'll go out and all buy PS2s!!!1 Of course, their PS2s won't be as good as his, he's an elite hacker, and his PS2 can copy games for him! Oh yes, and he must tell those stoo-pad Ninty kids that their console is for kids! LOL! Yeah, that'll learn them!
"yor console suxorz!!!!1 My eleete PS2 ownz yor crappy consols!!1 bill gates mows my lawn! lol! lol! lol!1 Mario sctrubs my toleits, and i whip him wiv my PS2 controlla, coz it ownz you all!!! lol!!!1"
Yes, that will put all those stoo-pad non-PS2 users in their place. The PC users are below-human, so he doesn't bother telling them how their PCs are just X-Boxes in disguise. They suck so much, they won't even know what he means, because they suck and he roxorz!!!11 Oops, he almost forgets to add “thanx for the gad, i really deserfed it, coz i rule” at the bottom of his post. Letting the staff know he thinks his post deserves to win will make them pick his post for sure!
No-one is replying to his thread... He decides that he needs to let everyone know about it. He constantly replies to it, quoting the entire message again and again and again. He hijacks other threads in the Movies and Life forums, telling those stupid guys with pee coloured names that they suck, and they have to read his post or he'll come round their houses and beat them up! They tell him to be quiet, but he knows they're actually scared. He tells them he can hack SR and get their names and addresses, but they laugh... out of fear!!!111 w00t! They say prove it, but he doesn't want to waste him time hacking SR, it's too easy. The FBI is much more interesting.
Still no replies, he'd better make new posts, telling them to read his other post. That'll work. Adding insults to the bottom of his posts will make people so scared of him that they feel they HAVE to read his posts.
Aha! A reply! Some guy called Mr.Snuggly, saying that he's going to ban him if he keeps this up... Well, we'll see about that, thinks the newbie. He'll just hack Snuggly's computer and ban HIM! Ha ha ha, that'll learn 'im! He's just about to whip out his Linux hacking programmes when his mum tells him it's tea time. Ah well, he'll get him tomorrow!!! Snuggly suxorz!!!111
Sunday -
Up nice and early to check the GAD lists. They haven't been updated, so he runs to the SR forum to complain. He can't post for some reason. "WTF???!!!" he thinks. He goes to see if he has any replies in his topic, but his name is grey and somebody has changed his tagline from "i own u" to "USER BANNED" An email appears in his inbox, telling him why he's been banned. “Discrimination”, he cries! He hasn't done anything wrong! It's time to sue! But first, he needs some GADs so he can sell them and pay for a lawyer...
Monday -
He signs up, spending a good ten minutes picking his name. It needs to be something which will make people notice him. READ THIS ITS GOOD is always a good name, because it's bound to make people read his stuff...
He signs up, spending a good ten minutes picking his name. It needs to be something which will make people notice him. READ THIS ITS GOOD is always a good name, because it's bound to make people read his stuff. Adding exclamation marks will make him seem really important, as will as many obscure letters as he can get out of his PC. After all, Wookiemonster gets away with it, and he has LOADS of GADs, so if the newbie has twice as many obscure symbols... he's bound to win twice as many GADs! It can't fail!
Obviously he won't put his real address, he's already been banned from SR before, and doesn't want them recognising him. He doesn't want them to have his address anyway, as his friend Bounty@Hunter12761 told him the government monitors the SR databases, and he doesn't want them finding his pr0n and warez. Warez rulz!!!!1111
Tuesday -
With his name a slightly different shade of red, he's bound to get more respect than those stoo-pad JAT kids. He's now an elite member of the forums, much better than the purple, yellow or green people! Time to make his first review. Too much effort to write his own, he's sure no-one will notice if he takes one from one of the many websites he gets his "insider information" about GTA4 and the PS3. Failing that, another SR member's reviews are good enough. To avoid being caught, he adds "This game roxorz" at the end, and puts it as a review for the PS2 version of the game, not the nerdy X-Box or kiddy GameCube one. The stoo-pad staff will never notice, he thinks, and the other SR users won't grass him up - they're all brothers in arms against the evil, government run Special Reserve. Special Reserve suxorz!!!!111
Wednesday -
The GAD lists haven't been updated, but he's not worried. He's sure his twenty emails every half hour to SR asking them why they're not up yet will speed up the process, and maybe even win him a GAD since it shows how interested he is! Adding "i love u" to the emails makes him think the win is in the bag. They're updated at 11am, but he hasn't won. What an outrage! Off to the SR site bugs and customer service forum he goes, to give them a piece of his mind!
"why u not give me the gad, I copied that review all by myself!!!1111 if you no give me the gad, me not shop at crappy sr enymor!!!11 staff, you suxorz for not giving me the gad me not like u"
That's bound to make them realise what a talented young writer he is, and the GADs will soon start rolling in. He knows they're just joking when they reply, threatening to ban him.
Thursday -
His previous attempt at winning GAD failed, but he KNOWS he'll win this time. He sees you can win by posting cheats, so off he goes to copy some from his favourite websites. Well, it appears they've already been posted on SR, but that's OK, those stoo-pad SR staff won't notice! They'll see his five cheats deserve to beat all the lengthy walkthroughs! Hmm, he can't find any more cheats... ah well, he can just make them up. Let's see... press circle and R2 for exactly 3.11122 seconds, while tapping square and counting backwards from a hundred will give you the flying squirrel car in GTA3. Holding triangle, tapping R1 in tune to YMCA by the Village People and touching your nose with your tongue will make you turn into the Incredible Hulk on TimeSplitters 2. Yep, those'll do. The stoo-pad SR staff will never bother to check them, and the GAD is in the bag! SR staff suxorz!!!!111
A few hints will help, stuff like "Press circle to shoot" and "Don't die" are bound to be helpful to all the stupid people out there who haven't haxorz their PS2 so they can skip right to the ending of all their games.
Friday -
Despite being told by the other users that they're not going to update the lists today, he continues with his posts on the SR forum, making a new one every ten minutes to ask if they've been updated yet. He's a paying customer, they HAVE to be nice to him, no matter WHAT he does! Quite what he's paying for, he can't answer when asked by the SR staff, but he knows his rights! His mum is a secretary for a lawyer, and she's taught him ALL about the law! SR has to do everything he asks, otherwise he can sue them and get them on Watchdog!!!!1111
Saturday -
Snuggly is in a good mood, and the lists are updated on a Saturday… but still no win for our struggling newbie! He sends emails and phones the customer service line, telling them that they must have overlooked his hints and cheats, and that Kerrang! hasn't won his GAD3 prize fair and square! He tells them he's going to sue. They tell him to be quiet. Protests that he deserves a GAD just for being on the top 100 posters list fall on deaf ears.
It's time for extreme measures. Stealing reviews hasn't worked, neither has making up cheats and threatening the SR staff with bodily harm. It's time to go for the grand-daddy of them all, the GAD1 prize. He decides that the forums need a good console wars post, as there's only thirty of them currently in FOG chat. His will be the best, because he knows what he's talking about. The title? Well, "Console wars - which do u think is best" is perfect, and will intrigue people, so much so that they will sit and read his entire post, and reply with "u blew us away with your gun! u rule so much! u deserve 50 gads!!!"
But what to include in the post? Well, obviously he has to be as un-objective as possible, and let all those nerdy X-Box users know that their console is actually a PC in disguise. After all, he's SURE no-one has told them that before, and they'll be so shocked by it that they'll go out and all buy PS2s!!!1 Of course, their PS2s won't be as good as his, he's an elite hacker, and his PS2 can copy games for him! Oh yes, and he must tell those stoo-pad Ninty kids that their console is for kids! LOL! Yeah, that'll learn them!
"yor console suxorz!!!!1 My eleete PS2 ownz yor crappy consols!!1 bill gates mows my lawn! lol! lol! lol!1 Mario sctrubs my toleits, and i whip him wiv my PS2 controlla, coz it ownz you all!!! lol!!!1"
Yes, that will put all those stoo-pad non-PS2 users in their place. The PC users are below-human, so he doesn't bother telling them how their PCs are just X-Boxes in disguise. They suck so much, they won't even know what he means, because they suck and he roxorz!!!11 Oops, he almost forgets to add “thanx for the gad, i really deserfed it, coz i rule” at the bottom of his post. Letting the staff know he thinks his post deserves to win will make them pick his post for sure!
No-one is replying to his thread... He decides that he needs to let everyone know about it. He constantly replies to it, quoting the entire message again and again and again. He hijacks other threads in the Movies and Life forums, telling those stupid guys with pee coloured names that they suck, and they have to read his post or he'll come round their houses and beat them up! They tell him to be quiet, but he knows they're actually scared. He tells them he can hack SR and get their names and addresses, but they laugh... out of fear!!!111 w00t! They say prove it, but he doesn't want to waste him time hacking SR, it's too easy. The FBI is much more interesting.
Still no replies, he'd better make new posts, telling them to read his other post. That'll work. Adding insults to the bottom of his posts will make people so scared of him that they feel they HAVE to read his posts.
Aha! A reply! Some guy called Mr.Snuggly, saying that he's going to ban him if he keeps this up... Well, we'll see about that, thinks the newbie. He'll just hack Snuggly's computer and ban HIM! Ha ha ha, that'll learn 'im! He's just about to whip out his Linux hacking programmes when his mum tells him it's tea time. Ah well, he'll get him tomorrow!!! Snuggly suxorz!!!111
Sunday -
Up nice and early to check the GAD lists. They haven't been updated, so he runs to the SR forum to complain. He can't post for some reason. "WTF???!!!" he thinks. He goes to see if he has any replies in his topic, but his name is grey and somebody has changed his tagline from "i own u" to "USER BANNED" An email appears in his inbox, telling him why he's been banned. “Discrimination”, he cries! He hasn't done anything wrong! It's time to sue! But first, he needs some GADs so he can sell them and pay for a lawyer...
Monday -
He signs up, spending a good ten minutes picking his name. It needs to be something which will make people notice him. READ THIS ITS GOOD is always a good name, because it's bound to make people read his stuff...
Page:
I finally read the whole thing, Its brilliant man, and so very very true.
"yor console suxorz!!!!1 My eleete PS2 ownz yor crappy consols!!1 bill gates mows my lawn! lol! lol! lol!1 Mario sctrubs my toleits, and i whip him wiv my PS2 controlla, coz it ownz you all!!! lol!!!1"
PMSl, that was the best bit.
"yor console suxorz!!!!1 My eleete PS2 ownz yor crappy consols!!1 bill gates mows my lawn! lol! lol! lol!1 Mario sctrubs my toleits, and i whip him wiv my PS2 controlla, coz it ownz you all!!! lol!!!1"
PMSl, that was the best bit.
If you are referring to my comment, then I say this - I'm not saying there hasn't been any brilliant posts recently, becuase there has, that was just my favourite, succeeding my previous favourite which was a loooong time ago....
See?
See?
GAD'day mate
Thanks! That's a nice thing to say to everyone, isn't it.
Superb MoJo, that's the best thing I've read on here in a looong time...
It's funny because it's true, good post there mojo.
Supurb post. And enteitaning. I rate it 10/10.
Nice one! Great post.
Glad you lot enjoyed it
Im not a newbie no more! heeheehee
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